Chapter 5

Of all the people that would show up at this hospital, Audrey never expected that her own former mother-in-law would become one of their patients. It's not impossible of course, but she had just assumed that she would never cross paths with Kashal ever again and that extends to his family. And she painfully closed that chapter of her life a long time ago.

She decided to visit Mrs. Miller a day before her surgery but she made sure to ask the nurse on duty that the patient was alone in her room. It's useless avoiding him when he's so close but Audrey doesn't know what would she do if he meets Kashal.

The patient was awake when she came and through the glass walls Audrey saw how Mrs. Miller's face turned from surprise to delight when she saw her approaching.

"When you said let's meet again in the future, I hoped it wasn't like this," Audrey smiled.

"I'm getting old, it's a possibility," she chuckled.

Audrey went closer to her bed. "It's good to see you again Larisa. Wished it was under different circumstances,"

"I'm also delighted to see you again Audrey," she replied. "It's a pity we met again like this but please let's catch up about anything except the reason why I'm lying on this hospital bed. How have you been my dear?"

She felt moved by her kindness towards her even after the fallout of her marriage with her son. While the divorce didn't left her and Kashal on speaking terms, Larisa had wonderfully said goodbye to her like a mother sending off her daughter to a faraway place.

"Still busy, still Audrey Lim,"

"Still being a good doctor I see," she glanced at her hand and said, "No special someone around?"

Audrey let out an awkward laugh at having her ex mother-in-law inquiring about her love life. Dealing with nosy relatives about this topic is one thing she hates but nothing had prepared her for this awkward conversation with the mother of her ex.

"I'm too busy being chief right now to go into dates," she tries to deflect the topic although there's a little truth to what she said. "I don't think someone would understand or tolerate my crazy schedule,"

"Ah I've heard about that from my son. Congratulations! I'm so happy for you,"

"Thank you,"

"And for the record, the right man would accept all of you - your ambitions, your flaws and all the good and the bad. That's how things should be in these times isn't it?," Larisa said. "And I'm so sorry my son wasn't that one for you,"

Audrey didn't say anything and kept her eyes on the IV lines connected to her instead. And then she heard footsteps coming towards them. The same person then opened the door and Audrey froze. She didn't want to turn around.

"Ah speaking of my idiot son," she confirmed her suspicions. "I've been asking the nurses for you. Where did you go?"

"I went to buy some breakfast." he answered lifting the pack of food for her too see. He also noticed the person standing beside his mom. He was facing her back but he knew who it is even without seeing her for a long time.

Audrey could feel Kashal staring at her and she can't escape this situation any longer. Releasing a deep breath, she slowly turns around to face him.

"Audrey, hi," he greeted, his voice free of any hint of regret or resentment. He was prepared to meet her again.

"Hi," came her short reply.

...

Not far from them at the nurse's station Neil watched the whole scene. His heart clenched at the sight of her reuniting with her ex. Although there's nothing to be jealous about the situation, his mind can't stop thinking of a lot of possibilities.

"She's moved on long ago. No need to grip your ballpen tightly like that," a voice interrupted his thoughts. Dr. Glassman was beside looking at him and her meters away.

"I don't know what you're saying," Neil replied changing his focus down to his patient's chart.

"I recognize jealousy when I see it," he snorted. "But maybe this will help you gain the strength to win her back,"

"They're just talking. Of course she's bound to meet him when his mother is admitted here,"

"Small talks could lead to anything,"

"Have you ever tried getting back together with your ex wife before?"

"No, but I had thoughts about it," he confessed. "But that was many years ago… so long before I met Debbie. And that doesn't mean exes can't go back together. Look at Park,"

Neil ignored his mentor and continued writing stuff down the chart. "You should be honest about your real feelings for once. Don't be an idiot until you realize its too late, Neil," he pats his shoulder before leaving him to his thoughts again. He looked up again and saw that Kashal and Audrey had left the room and were walking towards the elevator. Annoyed, he released a sigh before resuming to his rounds.

...

"I'm sorry about your mom's diagnosis," offered Audrey. She led Kashal to the hospital's cafeteria where they are currently having an awkward reunion.

Kashal nods quietly. They stayed in an uncomfortable silence until he broke it.

"It's unfortunate we met again thru this situation,"

"Yeah, but your mom is in good hands here. Larisa will be okay," she tried to console not only him but herself as well. She figured she's still fond of her former mother-in-law even after all these years.

"I hope so," Kashal mumbled. He glanced at her and found her also staring at him. Few seconds passed he offered her a small smile. "Enough about my mother, I got plenty of sad conversations with people about her. So how about you, how are you? How's life?"

'Is it okay to tell your ex that I'm miserable at this moment because I'm regretting a breakup that I initiated?' Audrey thought.

"I'm fine," she simply replied. An overused phrase she always tell people. Sometimes it's better to say you're fine than explaining the complicated reasons on why you're not okay. And sometimes the person asking isn't qualified to know the reasons. "Not much had changed except I got busier with new responsibilities. How about you?"

"A lot changed in me since I moved to New York a few years ago to teach… but I think a lot had changed here as well," he said looking around the facility.

"Ah they had a few renovations around here but it's still pretty much the same old St. Bonaventure to me," 'It still feels like home,' she wanted to add.

A lot of people had come and go inside this hospital everyday. In every patient that gets admitted, another gets discharged. Doctors and staff were hired while some bids their farewell. While she watched the continuous change for more than a decade, some things still remained the same for Audrey. A few people remained -- Dr. Glassman, Dr. Andrews and a number of the hospital staff were still the same familiar faces she worked with as a young and inexperienced resident. Although it feels a bit different now that she's the chief.

And then there's Neil.

'Had anything changed between us?'

She knows the answer to that, and she's afraid she won't like it. Everything changed the moment they crossed the line between friendship and love. And there was no turning back from that.

She wondered if it was a mistake giving in to her feelings but those few months with him was one of the best months she ever had. She wouldn't exchange that over anything. She wished it didn't cause too much changes between them though.

"Audrey," Kashal called her out after she didn't respond to him.

"Oh, sorry for zoning out. I got a lot of things in my mind lately," she excused.

"I understand. You've got a lot of decisions to make," as if on cue Audrey's phone rang. Throwing an apologetic look at him she answered it.

After a minute she ended the call and said, "Sorry, it's my secretary. She's looking for me. I need to go,"

"It's okay, I understand ," he replied. "I think I'll be spending a lot of time here anyway because of mom, so let's talk again soon."

...

The day of the surgery Dr. Lim paid a visit to the OR before the procedure started. She found Dr. Melendez getting ready for it.

He was surprised to see her outside the OR. "What brings the busy chief here?"

Audrey raised her eyebrow at his statement. "Can't I see my surgeons before the surgery?" she deflected. Actually she just wanted to have a 'before the surgery' talk with Larisa. She just couldn't do it inside her room where Kashal is also present. She thought she could have a privacy here. Looks like she's wrong.

"You were too busy to look at my patient's case before you knew who her identity is," he sounded annoyed.

"My hands were full at that time. You've seen the mess on my desk. I barely had time to look at my surgeon's reports."

"Yeah busy...But you had time to play catch-up with Kashal," he whispered a little loudly as he turned his back to her to continue scrubbing his hands.

Audrey frowned and crossed her arms. "Watch your words Dr. Melendez. You know I heard that,"

"Are you worried I might kill her?"

"Of course not. Why are you being like this?" she hissed avoiding another impending public row between the two of them.

'I don't know but I hate the idea that you can spend time with him but always try to avoid me," he wanted to say remembering what he saw the other day. But of course you can't say that to your boss and your ex girlfriend, especially at this moment.

"Don't spend your time worrying, Dr. Lim. I'll try my best not to kill her on the table like the last time I did this surgery," he reminded her of that incident which isn't a good thing to do right now.

"Have some faith with your surgeons," he said one last time before entering the OR leaving Audrey speechless and agitated.

...

'Did I made the wrong impression of not trusting his skills?' Audrey began to over think Neil's actions previously. It's true she was worried over Mrs. Miller but she didn't mean to show him that she doesn't trusts his skills. She did. All the time. Why doesn't he notice this? She believed in him even when he was second guessing his ability after the death of his patient. In fact, she had been believing in him from his very first patient death.

She found him sitting at the stairs on the way to the fire exit. Nobody goes there because it was a very secluded area. It's a very perfect place to cry for exhausted young doctors. She carefully walked down towards him and sat few inches away incase he didn't want someone to disturb his grief.

The first few minutes she just sat there in silence with him. She waited for him if he ever wanted to talk to her about it. If not, then it's also fine with her.

"That was the first patient that died under my responsibility," he broke the silence. He was looking at his hands as if questioning why they failed him.

"I know," she replied. Since a few months ago, they were no longer the residents who hide under their attending physician's responsibilities whenever someone dies. This time, every decision and every action is their full responsibility, that's why the death hits him differently.

"I can't help but feel like I could have done more to save her. It's frustrating,"

"You did what you could do at the moment. We could prevent death a lot of times but we can't stop it when it's really their time," she consolled.

"How are you dealing with these stuff better than me? I didn't see you having a hard time like this,"

"Because I don't let anyone see me cry," she smiled but turned serious as she faced him. "You've got to be tougher than usual when you get those intense trauma cases. It doesn't always end well."

"It wasn't our fault they end up in those situations,"

"That's true, and that should also be your way of thinking. You didn't make them sick in the first place. You're just trying your best to get them well and sometimes it's not enough," she advised.

"I know. Just let me deal with it for tonight," he stated. "Give me this night and I'll be fine again to face my other patients."

"That's great to hear,"

"If you came here worried because I might be distracted and kill more patients after this, don't be. I don't wanna catch up with your mortality rate," he tried to joke.

Audrey looked at him in disbelief but there was a grin forming on her face. "Yeah, you don't need consoling if you can joke like that,"

"It's true though. In ten years you might double my rate,"

"Yeah, I'm a trauma surgeon," she rolled her eyes and pretended to leave but he caught her wrist and pulled her back down to sit again, this time much closer.

"I'm just teasing. Please stay. We all need a friend in times like this," he said. And she did stay. She let him deal with his grief on his own just like what he wanted but she stayed in silence beside him just in case he wanted some words of comfort.

She watched him perform the procedure with the younger residents beside him. As he got ready to open up the patient he happened to glance up to where she was standing. They locked eyes briefly before he turns his attention back to his patient.

Audrey wondered if their relationship would ever go back to normal. What kind of normal was that? Was it being friends? Maybe. Or lovers? Much better.

...

The reviews were so kind! Thank you so much for reading and as usual, I hope enjoy this update.