Chapter 6
Melendez found out from his residents that Mrs. Miller was finally conscious for the first time since the surgery. Although a delicate one, the procedure went well but he couldn't breathe a sigh of relief until she woke up today. He is now on his way to her ICU room to join his residents for a check up.
The elevator door opened in front of him and he was surprised to see Audrey inside. She was astonished to see him but immediately avoided his eyes. Their last conversation wasn't good so he awkwardly got inside. The door closed and they stood in an uncomfortable silence which was unusual for them.
Neil was deep in his thoughts while Audrey played the buttons of her coat with her finger. Each one were trying to gain courage to break the silence.
"I'm sorry,"
"Thank you,"
They spoke in unison, both staring at each other with eyes full of hundreds of unsaid words.
"Thank you for what you did for Larisa," she explained. "I know you'll say you're only doing your job as her doctor but I'm speaking right now as a good friend of hers and not your chief. We're still in good terms even after everything that happened..."
Neil nodded understandingly. "And I'm sorry for the last time... I wasn't being professional at that time,"
"I might gave an impression that I doubt your skills so it's my --,"
"No please don't take responsibility of it, Audrey," he called her name softly giving all the honesty and feelings he couldn't tell her. "I'm not speaking as a doctor at that moment," he whispered admitting it finally. I was being me.
Audrey was stunned but she didn't let it show on her face. Instead she hold his gaze and said, "I've thought about it."
"I pushed you to this case not knowing it's my former mother-in-law Neil. Unknowingly, I put you in an uncomfortable position so part of it is my fault,"
"It doesn't explain my outburst that day," his voice slightly strained with emotions. "I was frustrated."
"I'm tired of playing hide and seek with you after the breakup, " he revealed. You've been avoiding me, and with this case suddenly you noticed my existence again?"
"Audrey I see you still being in good terms with them even after all these years, even after the divorce. Why can't it be the same with us?"
'Was our relationship really a mistake for you?' the real question he was afraid to ask.
"Neil--" she was suddenly cut off by the elevator doors opening. Their quiet world was once again interrupted by the buzzling of the people inside the hospital.
Neil let out a tired sigh as he pushed the hold button signaling Audrey to walk out first but she stood there staring at him with conflicted emotions on her face.
"Don't answer that, sorry. I'm being inappropriate again. Always not getting my emotions checked while at work. Aren't you going for a visit?" he totally changed the topic at the end to avoid further discussion.
"Maybe I shouldn't while you're doing a check up. I don't want to disturb your work," she hesitated.
"It would be better if you're there. Patients need familiar people as they wake up from surgery. She trusts you better Dr. Lim," him calling her by her surname totally drops the previous conversation with her. Audrey recognizes him desperately putting a facade against his emotions and she tries to deal with it for now.
It's not the right place and time for this.
She walked out of the elevator and he followed after her. They each put on a poker face as if they didn't have an unfinished business inside the elevator. They will always keep missing their window. It's always like this for both of them over the last decade.
Melendez thoroughly checked Mrs. Miller to make sure there wasn't any complications from her surgery. He explained what happened during the procedure to her with the presence of Kashal and Audrey inside the room.
"Dr. Blaize will see you any moment from now to discuss the chemotherapy treatment with you, but I will still be one of the doctors checking up on you," Neil confirmed after he finished checking her surgical wound.
"I'm glad Audrey put my care to her best surgeon. She told me the surgery isn't scary as long as you'll be the one doing it. I can't thank you enough for what you've done doctor, " Mrs. Miller weakly said.
Neil raised an eyebrow and briefly glanced at Audrey as she looked away to hide her blush. She may have mentioned a little about how great a surgeon Neil is before she totally gave her consent to the surgery. But she didn't expect Larisa to mention that to him.
"I'm flattered that my chief highly recommends me to her VIP patients," he stated amused at her. Audrey rolled her eyes knowing the flattery feeds his ego again.
"She said you're as good as her so I don't have to worry at all,"
"All my surgeons are great here," Audrey tried to correct the statement but fell into deaf ears as Larisa keeps revealing everything she confided in private.
Neil gave her that look. 'You also tell that to Andrews?'
She briefly flashed him a glare before totally ignoring him and fussing on Mrs. Miller's care to avoid further embarrassing herself in front of Neil.
Meanwhile Kashal grabbed Neil's attention as he lead him away from the two women.
"Thank you for my mother," he told him warmly.
"But she's not yet out of the woods. I'll be honest, this type of cancer has a high chance of relapse. She needs to be constantly monitored," his voice low to keep the conversation just between the two of them.
"We will follow every step of the treatment," he promised and Neil made his exit from the room. And before he totally left the ICU floor he stole one last glance at Audrey who seemed to be happy while talking to her former family.
He rarely sees her smile these days and to see it even from afar, even if he's not the reason of it makes his heart warm. She deserves to be happy all the time, and I keep making her cry or stressed recently.
He bowed his head and walked towards the elevator. He didn't see that Mrs. Miller had followed every movement of him with her gaze across the glass walls of her room.
...
That night as her shift ends Audrey wondered where Neil was. She passed by his office hoping she could have a talk with him. Perhaps to continue their interrupted conversation a while ago. But he was gone before she could reach him.
She stared down her watch and guessed that he probably left early to go drinking. It's what he does after finishing a complicated case plus it's a friday night.
"Come on Audrey, the whole team will be there. It's the first time we will all hangout together," Neil pleaded as he invites her to come and join them at Crowleys for a little celebration after all the successful surgeries they had for that week. It was a rare occurrence that they didn't have any patient deaths so they planned to celebrate it.
"I'm not sure Neil," she hesitated. Its not that she didn't want the company of her colleagues but she hadn't been spending a lot of time with her husband due to her busy schedule.
"Would he mind it?"
"I just cancelled a date night few days ago for an emergency surgery so I plan tonight as a pay back for that," she confided. She was sad she'll be missing out the fun with the team but she'll regret it more if her marriage falls apart.
Neil nods understandingly. It was a valid reason but he can't explain this feeling of sadness that he felt. 'Why would he be sad that she's not present?' Neil wanted to laugh at this absurd idea in his head.
He shook his head and composed himself, "Okay, but next time you'll be there? They'll say I didn't invite you,"
She frowned at first but gave him smile, "You know that's not true," she replied. "And I promise I'll come next time,"
Neil spared one last glance at her before leaving the lockers room to join their fellow residents at Crowleys.
Audrey was left alone inside. Sitting on a bench with her backpack beside her, she reached for her phone inside her pocket. She was waiting for Kashal's message. He will be picking her up that night at the hospital.
There's no message yet so she decided to wait for him at the hospital lobby. She was really looking forward tonight. She planned everything well to catch up on every cancelled plans they had before. Audrey had been really trying to put an effort on this.
As she reached the lobby her phone got a message from him. A smile grew on her face as she excitedly clicked it open.
'I can't pick you up tonight. Our meeting started late so we're not yet done. I'm sorry,'
Her smile faded from her face. Sometimes reality doesn't get along well with your plans. It's frustrating, really.
"Maybe tonight I'm meant to be at Crowleys drinking with my team," she thought out loud. Brushing off the disappointment she felt, she braced herself for a night of fun with her colleagues. She deserved to end the week with a smile after all.
Walking through the familiar road towards Crowleys, Audrey was reminded of the hundreds of times she walked the same pathway. It was a walking distance from the hospital so they frequented that bar whenever they want a quick escape from the stressful shifts they had.
Most of the times she walked alone. Sometimes she walked together with her colleagues who became friends to her throughout the years. Neil was one among them. And in every time she went at Crowleys he's always there. Constantly.
People come and go, but Neil remained the same. She would enter the bar and she would find him sitting at the same seat they always occupied together.
Years of friendly competition celebrated through drinks.
Audrey reached the place but before she could enter she paused. As usual she saw him sitting there through the glass windows. He was staring blankly at his glass alone. He looked so sad and Audrey felt it from the distance.
But as she put her hand on the door handle to enter the place, she stopped as she saw a curly haired lady approach him with drinks in her hands. Claire.
She took a step backward and turned around to flee.
'Audrey!' she stopped and turned back around as she heard him yell her name across the place. She was about to leave, regretting coming to the place when she saw them having so much fun. Even after trying a pretend happy facade, she felt she's not ready to have that much fun after all her plans that night failed.
'I thought you can't make it?' Neil reached her immediately in surprise.
Audrey faintly shook her head and gave him a tired smile but he could see the truth to it. He chose not to dig deeper for answers as she might not be comfortable in sharing it. Instead he offered her something to cheer her up.
"The team had too much fun for your liking," he glanced at the group of young doctors a couple of tables away from them. "Want a warm up first?" he suggested.
Audrey raised her eyebrow in amusement. "Warm up?" she laughed. "You don't know how I drink Melendez," a real smile forming on her lips.
"Then the seat is yours," he gestured to the empty seat beside them. They sat down and he called for the bartender to fill their glasses. The first drink that became a decade-long tradition for the two of them, or sometimes together with the team.
"Cheers for all the successful surgeries we had over the week," he raised his glass.
"I guess you're not that bad when we work together on a surgery," she mused.
"Was I a jerk all the time to you?" he worried what she thought of him now that he was becoming good friends with her.
"Not really," she paused thinking of their time as interns. "But you were a bit arrogant. Always wanting to be better than the others,"
"I want to be a better surgeon. I did that because I wanted to do well," he explained although half of it was him being an inexperienced surgeon-to-be afraid of failing his patients. So he does what he can do to better himself, even sometimes appearing like a jerk.
"That's a good thing for me. Surgeons are arrogant people. If you're arrogant then you'll really be a successful surgeon," she said with a twinkle in her eye. "Look at Andrews,"
Neil exchanged laughter with her. "If he finds that out he'll cancel your first solo surgery next week," he warned jokingly.
"Not unless you tell him," she wiggled her index fingers at him teasingly.
"Of course not. You deserve it. You deserved it to be the first among us," he said looking straight in her eyes to convey his sincerity.
She smiled in gratitude.'Perhaps we could be friends afterall,' she thought to herself.
They spent the rest of the night later on joining the fun with the other residents. Her friday night had been saved by her colleagues and she thought how fun it was to be talking about other things than organs, blood and procedures their topics usually consist off.
Audrey's phone suddenly rang and she got a call from Kashal asking her where she is. Apparently he was expecting her at home after he failed to pick her up. Audrey told him that the team had a small celebration at a nearby bar so he offered to fetch her because it's already late.
When he arrived Audrey bid her colleagues goodbye and ran to meet her husband outside. Neil followed her at the door with his gaze until she was out of sight, his mood suddenly dropping by her absence. It didn't go unnoticed by one of his co-residents.
"Too bad she's married, you two would make a perfect fit," someone whispered to him over the louder chatter of the others.
"That's impossible," he shook his head denying the possibility of him and her.
His friend chuckled. "You two argue like a married couple. Every time I see you two debating over a case I'm eeriely reminded of my grandparents back at home."
He laughed amused at the idea. Audrey and him bickering over their kids instead of their patients. Interesting idea but Neil shook his head getting rid of these inappropriate thoughts.
They could be friends though. Great friends in this journey of becoming a good doctor. He looked back once more at the doorway where she stood few moments ago.
'Maybe she wouldn't mind drinking with a friend,'
"Do you mind?" she repeated breaking him out of his thoughts. He turned to his side finding Claire offering some drinks to him.
"Pardon?"
"I said do you mind drinking with a friend?" she asked again.
Neil's eyebrow rose at the word friend. He looked at his resident thinking its inappropriate. He wouldn't mind drinking with all of the team but with her alone? It's not good for his reputation.
"I'm sorry Browne but I'm done for tonight," he saw her hopeful smile fell flat but he didn't really care about it. All he was thinking that night was Audrey, Audrey and Audrey. She's been in his thought for God knows how long.
He grabbed his coat and excused himself not bothering to look back. He reached the doorway and wished it was Audrey who showed up instead.
What he didn't know was Audrey stood in that same spot few minutes ago.
Another missed window.
...
Really sorry for the turtle update.