Out Of The Ahshes
Act 1
It's not supposed to go like this,
They're supposed to be forever.
And her sweet, understanding, perfect boyfriend is supposed to remain just that, forever.
Maybe the problem is no can be all that, not really, not actually. And no one knows better than Musa, that when someone seems that way, usually somethings up.
Except Sam evidently is the exception to the rule, he is the world's most sweetest and perfect boyfriend. Just not as understanding. And two out three really isn't that bad, it's fantastic actually, in the grand scheme of things it shouldn't be that big of a deal.
But their world has just gone to hell and every expectation with it.
So when Sam and her actually break up it's disastrous. Or rather more disastrous than she could have imagined for two of Alfea's most passive fairies.
In retrospect, when it's all said and done she'll admit that she's known they've been over for weeks. Not consciously, not really, but little by little she had been packing him away, one item at a time, breaking the ties between them one string at time, physically and emotionally; unknowingly preparing herself for the emotional onslaught.
Later much, much later when she can think about this time without all the emotions it is seeped in, she'll think he knew too, why else had he been so calm about her cancelling their standing date night for something more casual, or not seeking her out when she begins missing lunch.
The signs are there, peppered along the days that lead up to that fateful moment but she'a not been the headspace to put the pieces all together until that Friday afternoon
And while her sweet sort of understanding, perfect boyfriend may not be as understanding as
everyone thinks, even Musa's not prepared for the storm that causes it all to collapse.
Because the first domino that falls is not about, Sam, not about their relationship at all. So the events of that afternoon are set into motion long before and seem so minute in relation to what's happening in their sphere that Musa can't blame herself or Sam for missing it all
Dowlings back. So is Silva.
Rosalind and Sky's dad, Andreas are in the wind, the Queen of Solaria is barely holding onto her power after her connection to the two psychopath is revealed.
Technically, the students have won, Dowling and Silva have the school back. Their victory, however, feels hollow, with so much uncertainty in the balance, intentions still murky, no one dares to fully let loose.
Some people leave, others seem to have been waiting for this moment and throw themselves into battle prep. Most just wait, hovering to see if they've made the right choice.
The problem is also that their victory was not easily won.
It's taken stealth and gorilla warfare to get the school back. Taken tactics that every book in their endless library pretty much summed as unheroic.
It's easy for thousand year old books to judge Musa thinks, they had the number, fighting honorably is for those who either have no skin the game or a certainty they're going to win. They'd all done things they never thought have to do.
But the win has happened and now, it's all hands on deck, preparation for god knows what.
The events of the battle with Rosalind and her burned ones, though at the time it felt like war itself, repeats on a slow motion loop in Musa's head.
From the nightmare that had been Alfea under Rosalind, to recovering Dowling, to hearing of Rosalind's plans to cart off Bloom, the war horn, the hordes of burned ones, the students gearing and engaging in combat, repeat like a never ending horror show.
In the midst of it all, there was Musa, vulnerable, useless with powers that have only been trained defensively, even under Rosalind's curriculum.
Not even a fucking stick to do-something-anything at all with. In the aftermath,that's the one sticking point she keeps reliving and while at first it evokes fear and pain it soon gives way to rage.
Rage that builds and builds, bubbling under her skin itching desperately to make it to the surface.
The nights following their victory are the worst. The silence of the campus and the peaceful sleep that everyone but her is able to indulge in, makes the rage grow more. That the entirety of the school, especially Sam seems to have just moved on, thrown themselves back into preparation and planning makes it all sting more.
Her music is no longer a refuge rather a mocking reminder of a false security that she clearly now knows doesn't exist anymore.
The first night after it all happened Sam snuck in. He'd slept like the dead while she stood watch waiting for him to bolt up in a nightmare or to stop breathing like he had before, when he doesn't do either she's angry, frustrated and well guilty. She shouldn't want suffering for people she cares about but she also feels abandoned that they are moving on without her.
When Musa tries to sleep too, she can't. It's all too empty, too quiet, she wakes up every half hour terrified that Sam surviving has been all a dream. His blank mind had always stopped her from having a mental connection to him. It was once the biggest draw for her, now an utter frustration. Not that the man notices she thinks on the third night.
He sleeps through it again peacefully and she hates him for the refuge he finds in sleep and hates herself for hating him.
When a week rolls around even the Stella recommended brand of concealer does not hide the dark spheres that are beginning to form under her eyes. Not that anyone notices, Sam rolls over with a 'good morning beautiful', a kiss on her cheek and he's out the room.
The days that follow are a blur, the mind fairy follows her schedule and begs off of gatherings if she can, her friends plot and plan, what exactly? She wouldn't be able to tell you. Somewhere in the midst of it Sam mentions needing to spend some night with his family and she must have nodded, if she said anything she doesn't recall it.
There is so much emotion around her, hope, fear, anger, confusion, elation the list of it all goes on and on. But for the first time in her life Musa feels like tides of emotion just roll over her. She sees them around her, senses them still like before but they no longer reach her.
How many years had she prayed for this?
How many hours had she spent trying desperately to create a shield and bubble around herself just so she could maybe separate her emotions with others.
But now, this, this void is opening its mouth and swallowing her whole and she worries that she will lose herself to it.
It takes days for her to realize, she feels numb.
A sensation so foreign so remote to her that even when she recognizes it, she's not sure what to do with it.
On the tenth day she just can't do it anymore, so once the hour chimes half past one she's out of bed. Her room is quiet, the only noise, the gentle breathing of her roommate and the soft snores of her boyfriend. Both sounds mock her. She's not sure what she plans to do, but it's easy to slip on her sneakers and be out before anyone is ever the wiser.
She dodges the guards with little trouble, her powers alerting her to their wareabout long before they're even in sight. She's unsure of where she's going but happy to be moving, feeling it in her bones that she needs to just go.
The spring chill, fresh in the air nips at her cheeks but the bite is welcomed as the sting penetrates through the numbness and for the first time in over well-weeks she inhales without her brain commanding it. The cold air rushes through her body like a storm racing through the halls of an abandoned castle, the exhale a soft surrender as her muscles relax and deflate in one move.
The moon is waning but incandescent, hanging big and low. Becoming even more show stopping considering there is not a single cloud in the endless twinkling sky. The trees that guard their ancient school are listless but alive with the noise of all the nocturnal creatures that have come awake since the turn of season and though the sting of winter chill still hunts the air it's becoming less and less visible with each passing day. The symphony is complete with the ever faint sound of the distant river meandering by and Musa can't help but feel alive for the first time.
She's still not sure where she's heading, where she's supposed to go or be but her feet pick a direction and begin to walk, somewhere between the school and the training grounds her steps become shorter, quicker, faster.
One after another until she realizes that she's running.
She runs, without a destination in sight or mind, isn't even really aware of what she's passing or aiming for. All she hears is the distant echoes of that war horn and the drums. Were there even drums? Or was it just the sound of her own heart beating in her ear then, just like now echoing through her bones and beckoning her to come alive.
The sting of the cold begins to lose its grip and Musa feels the numbness still lurking and she doesnt want it, is becoming a bit fearful of it. So she pushes harder, wills her legs to go faster despite her lungs protesting and the tears that steam down her face.
By the time every single muscle of her body is screaming in pain she feels content, her body vibrating with life, for the first time in too long. There's only a couple hours til dawn and after a quick shower she rushes back into her room. Just like the circles under her eyes, no one seems the wiser.
She starts sneaking out at night and running.
God damn running.
She hates running.
She's always been a dancer, her feet used to gliding, protest daily.
Because now they pound against the pavement in a monotone beat, eating mile after mile until she physically can't go on.
She hasn't been able to dance since the attack.
No one seems to have noticed.
Worst part, she doesn't feel any certain way that they haven't.
She should, Musa thinks, she should feel some way. Perhaps disappointed, or angry that maybe they didn't seem to care, or happy that they hadn't picked up on her spiralling but she feels nothing.
She used to revel in the absence of emotions, now, now she's not sure why.
And Sam's silent mind is a taunting reminder of it all. She should say something, but she doesn't and he could ask something but he doesn't. Even when his eyes linger on her headphones being shoved into her desk drawer, even when she doesn't protest when he starts to spend more time in his own room.
Days turn to weeks.
And she runs.
And runs.
She goes over the battle at least three times each night. Each movement, each person and no matter how much she analyzes it all, it always comes back to one moment, one moment that no one but her saw.
She'd tried to run around, communicating and coordinating their plan of attack as best she could while chaos ran rampage around her. Tried desperately to be useful.
There had even been a second where she had felt, stupidly she now thinks, optimistic. That maybe just maybe they'd get through this. Except there had been a loud crash followed by screams of agony and fear and it had all gone to hell.
The weight of the emotions had been intense, they'd caused Musa to black out. When she'd come to, she'd been surrounded by monsters on all sides. She'd realized with horror that the pain and anguish she was feeling wasn't just coming from the students but was emitting from the monsters.
These burned ones weren't just monsters of flames, but of decay, of death itself. Whatever these creatures were, they were constantly burning, dying and spreading that death like a disease to whatever they touched.
She'd screamed as she'd seen Terra fall as she'd been battling a burned one and Musa had tried desperately to reach the nature fairy only to come face to face with one of those monsters gripping Aisha by the throat while a third had charged straight for herself.
She'd ran, the heat of the monster nipping at her back. Her feet clumsily leading her to one of the side hallways when she'd tripped! Fucking tripped!
She doesn't remember turning around, doesn't remember how it had happened but the next instance she'd seen the beast hovering a hair's breadth away from her face. The scaly chard texture inches from her, the teeth gleaming sharp standing out in contrast, the heat and the smell still revolting her stomach at even the thought of them.
She thinks she'll never escape the scent of burning flesh so pungent it had overtaken her senses and worst of all her mind had gone completely blank.
She'd frozen, completely shocked.
Surrendered to death.
The monster charged and she screamed, a burst of purple waves And the burned one went flying through the wall
It couldn't have been her, but it must have been. Because when she'd gotten up there had been no one there but her.
Now, looking back, with each passing run she's becoming more and more convinced that the wave came from herself.
And with that belief comes hope
The relief that running provides her lasts a couple of weeks, well 19 days to be exact but she's growing calmer and certain about the…'incident'. So much so that she reaches a conclusion.
She needs more training and not just power training, but honest to god, if she sees another burned she doesn't just want to run like a chicken without a head, real combat training.
Musa thinks about trying to make it on her own, maybe with a specialist but damn it! She's here to learn and there's no reason to not to, so the very next day she marches into the headmistress offices ignoring the secretary and just bursts in.
"I will leave"
Dowling looks up sharply and Musa emits as much sincerity as she can because she needs them to know that she will do it.
"Either start training me in combat or I swear I will leave and I will not do it quietly" She's panting and in hindsight perhaps this burst is not the most mature way of showing sincerity of intent but to hell with it all.
She realizes after a beat that Silva's there as well looking ever disapproving but Musa doesn't pay him no mind, not yet anyway. If the headmistress is shocked at her outburst she hides it well.
"You need to understand your powers, to become comfortable with your role-" Dowling begins in her usual headmistress tone, a recycled speech, one Musa has heard before, one she will no longer accept
"The role you're trapping me into you mean" Musa counters without missing a beat "A role which left me defenseless and vulnerable, almost got me killed"
"Our curriculum specifies-" Dowling tries again after closing her eyes in exasperation
"Which curriculum? Pre-Rosalind curriculum? The one had us scrambling to fight one burned one as a school? Or Rosalind's own curriculum? The one that tried to turn us into killing machines and nearly killed us in the process"
Musa's very aware that this isn't her, or rather the version the school is used to; she's aware of her goody-two-shoes reputation. Aware that before this she had never so much as looked disrespectfully at an instructor but this is important and not just for her.
Dowling sits back in her chair and studies Musa, and the empath meets her gaze head on, she also dives in as much as she can to see what she could be dealing with but frankly Silva's brooding disapproval over powers anything Dowling may have been letting past her mental forts.
The grandfather clock in the corner ticks loudly as a gentle breeze sneaks in through the cracked window and ruffles the scent of books and chamomile tea that hangs in the air. The sun peeks out from behind a cloud and illuminates the room in a warm afternoon glow and Musa's suddenly very aware of the grandness and importance of the office she stands in and has to resist the urge to step back.
Still the headmistress only studies the fairy in front of her.
Another series of ticks from swinging pendulum of the grandfather clock and finally Dowling pivots her chair and looks a Silva, and with all the ease of the world asks
"Well professor?"
And shit, the mind fairy didn't think Dowling would agree to it and Silva is staring at Musa with reprove, leaning against the table arms crossed all but-no just plain glaring at her.
Musa might not know much, not even if this is an actually a fucking good idea but she's here and she'd be damned if she's willing to back down, so she straightens her back and instead of looking hopeful or timid makes her stand boldly. Silva does not ponder the matter over long.
"I won't go easy on you," his voice is even, hard "and once you're in you either pass or fail."
Musa can't help but nod, a huge smile blooming on her face and she has to physically constrain herself from reacting any further. Dowling though is smiling too but Silva looks ever unimpressed and so Musa schools her features as best she can
"Of course"
"And you'll have to catch up on what you've missed. You can join morning classes, they start before your fairy ones. And if I so much as hear you've missed a mark in any of your usual classes you are out"
It's a promise and there is a serious warning in there but for the first time in a long time Musa's happy.
Silva puts her in with the first years.
Which is fine, she is technically that, except they've had months of training and practice and while she eats them alive in conditioning, her one point of strength, they surpass her in everything else.
She'll need help and extra tutoring,, Sky seems like an easy option but he's frankly still emotionally too wired and as much as the girls had been supportive of her decision and backed her up, she doesn't want to bother them too much with it. They're all still reeling in their own way, trying to put their own pieces back together.
Stella's under a lot of scrutiny, the fact that she stood against Rosalind with the school and her friends has won her adoration from her people. Matter of fact the sun princess being the heir to the throne is the biggest reason the current queen has not been booted.
Which is great but it comes with a boat load of responsibility, as her family, her mother, now tries to push her as the face of the monarchy, while still trying to pull the strings of power. The press and her planet seem to be counting down days now until she takes the throne from her mother, never mind that she's still a teenager and that the current queen does not want to give up power.
Bloom, Musa thinks with a sigh, she is adjusting better but still struggling. Rosalind, offered no more answers to the fire fairy but did a number on her mental state. The level of guilt that the poor earth girl had after the battle was astronomical; and on the rare occasion Musa had been clear headed enough after the battle to recognize this, Bloom had brushed her concerns aside. She and Sky kept quite a bit to themselves now.
Terra though had somehow found her voice in the midst of all the chaos. Sweet Terra, Musa can't help smile when thinking of her roommate, she is now busier than ever. If anyone came out of the fray more on top of their game than they went into it, it was the nature fairy. It's like this is what she'd been missing the purpose and people seem to take to her in the power position. She seems to know what to do, planting certain herbs for healing, collecting others for potions, she's started this whole group and people seem to be responding very well to it all. Everytime Musa sees her now, she's rushing off to do something with someone and Musa can't help but be happy for her.
Whereas Terra has bloomed, Aisha has withdrawn. Usually the most observant of their group, Musa can't help but think it strange that the water fairy hadn't picked up on her nightly runs but then again Musa's not sure where her friends are during most of their day, when they're not in classes right now either. So maybe not that strange, maybe she's reading too much into it when it comes to their resident water fairy.
It might be best to let her friends deal with their own stuff for now Musa thinks
She goes to a pair of third year boys first, Axel and Rege. They're friendly, even more so when Stella's around, so all the ampath has to do is make sure the sun princess is there when she asks if they are up for extra sparring and they eagerly agree. Stella is too happy to help and well maybe she does get a bit of help from her friends in the end.
It's easy to be optimistic about her training at first, she's physically fit, her dance routines had been more intense and far more coordinately challenging than some of these combinations, and most surprising of all her powers actually help with proximity.
But she lacks the brute strength the other specialists do is a huge problem. And frankly it's hard to take training seriously when it feels like everyone is just indulging your whim rather than training you for war.
Despite all this though she's so relieved to actually be training that for a brief period she thinks things will be ok, her rage quels and she's starting to actually sleep for more than two hour stretches. And the numbness recedes.
Which is why on the afternoon Sam marches up to her and it all goes to hell, she's actually gobsmacked despite having felt for some time that they were going to part ways soon.
Problem is, she'd always assumed they'd just drift apart, both being such mellow people and all, and perhaps they would have, but he confronts her publicly and she realizes she can't back down. Not with everyone watching.
It's a surprisingly sunny Friday afternoon and Musa has had a great day for the first time in a long time, the specialists are feeling more at ease with her around and she's no longer eating mat in every round.
Class is officially over but like always she's stayed behind to practice some more trying desperately to improve. So when she sees Sam approaching her practice mat she's actually happy, thinking he's here to see her in action.
She opens her mouth to great him when Sam fires off without so much as a hello-
"You need to stop this Musa"
His statement causes the smile to just melt off her face. She feels dizzy and lightheaded from the onslaught of curiosity that emits from everyone around them. She tries to stand her ground but finds herself shrinking under his scrutiny.
Truth be told he's all earnest worry, hands shoved in his jackets pockets looking at her sparring partners who are taking a break on the other side of the mat, pretending to be giving them privacy.
"I-I'm sorry?"
"You're place isn't here you should be inside or next to Dowling on the side" his voice isn't raised, but considering the hushed silenced silence that has fallen on the group around them he might as well been screaming
"My place," she echoes, the phrase burns her hot enough that jolts her out of neutral "My. Place?"
"That's not- I didn't-I'm just worried about you, I'm trying to protect you"
"By making sure my only way out is a necklace of nightshade" he wheels back like he's been physically slapped because he'd confided in her secretly that the reasons the school allowed the growth of that killer plant was to supply the necklaces most defensive warriors wore as a last resort.
He's looking betrayed and flustered and tired but she feels humiliated and so damn angry because he was supposed to be in her corner. She already felt she was going against everyone she never thought he'd be one of them.
He's half whispering now, shuffling a little closer to her, suddenly seeming to understand the scene he's caused
"Your my girlfriend and I just -I'm worried about you, is that such a bad-"
But Musa's already paid too much to back down and maybe she's more bitter about the whole thing that she's realized, because it takes no effort for her to square her shoulder and cut him off
"This seems like a you problem Sam."
Her voice is cold, colder than it has ever been before and he must see something in her eyes because suddenly he's back tracking and taking a step back.
"Musa, you don't-"
and she's frankly not even aware of what coming out of her mouth, she's just so exhausted at having to fight for the right to defend herself and mad at him for doing this
"I think we're done Sam, I think you should go. I have training to finish and there's nothing left for us to say" she doesn't wait to see his reaction and turns and steps back onto the mat.
She doesn't really last long on the mat after that. Her head hurts, people won't stop whispering and it's becoming near impossible to concentrate. For appearance sake she grits her teeth through another half hour until Axel begs off and she doesn't protest.
She feels the gaze of the students around her and revels in them, letting every snide glance and negative emotion feed her resolve that she made the right choice. Lets them feed her anger because the sadness that lurks under is unacceptable to her.
It doesn't really hit her, until she reaches the suite and enters only to be met with four pairs of eyes each studying her closely, that she realizes exactly what took place earlier. The fact that all conversation abruptly ceases, makes it safe to say the subject is clearly her.
She wants to scurry to her room, she'd really love a hot bath but in the moment that clearly isn't an option.
There are waves of worry and concern bouncing around the room and filling it up to the brim, so the solitude has to wait, she thinks.
"Well, Sam and I broke up," at least she thinks they did and she takes their silent shared looks are all the confirmation she needs "But I think you already knew that"
No one really says anything, They're all looking at each other, at her, each second making the silence more and more awkward and Musa almost wishes she was back on the mat rather than in her own suite when Terra catches her eye. She's ringing her fingers together and looking at everything and anything but Musa. It's the first time in recent months that she's seen her roommate act so nervous.
And Terra is honestly what has Musa most concerned because they've become so close but now it could be really bad and for the first time doubt and worry bloom in the empath, maybe she shouldn't have been so harsh with Sam.
"What?" Musa can't help ask softly unsure what she's about to hear. Terra shifts from one foot to foot looking and feeling far too guilty
"He's-He's in our room. He says he wants to talk to you" and clearly this is news to the other girls because now the looks are all directed at the nature fairy who doesn't handle it very well
"He has absolutely no right-"
Its Stella up in arms on Musa's behalf and Terra looks like she might cry and is particularly shrinking into herself under the sun fairies scrutiny that Musa can't help but step in to protect her roommate
"Don't worry Stel, Terra agrees with you" it's such a casual blatant use of her powers, that it clearly disturbs her suitemate
"But he's her brother" Musa goes on after another beat "What's she supposed to do?"
The gratitude that emits from Terra is so palpable that Musa finds herself smiling at her despite the shity siturtion.
Grabbing her bag she marches into her room, the cluster of plants ever present in one corner greets her first and sure enough Sams sitting on her bed, his head resting in his hands. He looks up when he sees her and gets to his feet, for her part though Musa simply closes the door behind her. They've already had one audience filled performance today, no need to make it two.
"Musa," her name is a whisper and he looks sad, so confused and it drains all of Musa's anger leaving behind only bone crushing fatigue and sadness.
"What do you want Sam?" Her voice sounds beat to her own ears as she dumps her bag by the foot of her bed. There's a pause and silence, the only noise that of a gentle electric buzz Terra's terrarium emits from its corner.
Sam opens his mouth once, twice, each time swallowing his words before they're uttered before he looks at her and finally mutters
"Musa you can't' be serious"
"Why not Sam?" and she's earnest in her question, wondering why he is fighting this. When he's clearly just as checked out as her.
"Listen to me- I - I was just worried for you, this thing you're trying to do is so dangerous" He's clearly setting up for an argument but they're so far passed this point Musa realizes, somewhere between him drying and her fighting for her new path they've lost each other and didn't even realize it.
They'd been over for a while and that piece finally sliding into place makes her bold enough to be honest with him
"I know" he looks so shocked and relieved by her admission that for one moment Musa feels so wretched in what she's about to do
"But I don't care. It's what I have to do" Sam reels back as though she's physically assaulted him
"Musa C'mon, you can't be serious, this can't be that important-"
"I've been thinking of breaking up with you. Have been for weeks."
She cuts him off because he isn't evidently getting it, the truth bomb does its job, he's silent, dumb struck.
"I haven't been the happiest and I know you haven't been either" she hedges, and that seems to steal all his thunder because he deflates back onto the mattress.
She hadn't felt it but she had sensed it, he had been pulling away,
He sighs burying his face in his hands, elbows resting on his knees, his fingers rubbing at his eyes
Sams not a bad guy, he's just -not for her.
Not right now, she thinks he might have been at one point. And she really, really did like him, even loved him.
But she's not the same person she was when they met, neither is he.
Problem is, she's not sure who she is. Such a short time for such drastic changes to take place, she muses, then again what they went through was nothing short of drastic itself.
"Why haven't you said anything" his voice is hoarse and thick and there are several responses that pop into her head
'Why haven't you?' Is the first, followed quickly by 'Frankly I didn't want to seem like an insensitive bitch after you nearly died in my arms' a close second.
Neither seems right enough and so she shrugs with a sigh of her own. The silence between them is heavy and weighed but she notes that not once is he contradicting her, asking her to make it work, asking to fight for them.
It wouldn't have made a lick of difference but it would have been nice to avoid the scene earlier today, but again it affirms for her that maybe he knew too. Maybe, he'd known for a while.
"I didn't mean to say you cant handle yourself" he finally admits, he's looking at her with his big brown eyes and she remembers the moments of them stealing into the alcoves when they were still keeping them a secret. She doesn't regret their relationship.
"I know" she offers with a small smile going over to sit next him.
"I don't want to hurt you" she offers the confession in response, because the last thing she's ever wanted is to cause pain and it's another sigh from Sam before he nods.
"I'm sorry we're over, but I'm not sorry for what we had Sam." and again he nods this time looking her in the eyes, offering a tight lip smile. Musa's not sure what else to say, if there's anything else to say, so she brings up the one issue that worries her
"I know you're Terra's brother, and I know you're decent Sam, I won't put her in the middle of anything I promise, but I'm not- Im not going to stop being her friend"
He scoffs with a rueful bitter smile but nods a third time.
There's another pause before he gets up and exits through the walls. And Musa plops back onto the bed, curling into herself, as tears slip down her cheeks she has a startling realization that under the sadness and disappointment is an overwhelming relief.
The girls pile her with love and attention. It's the first time they've all really come together in a while and it's nice, Musa's missed them honestly.
Saturday morning, Terra makes her favorite drink, it's a really sweet gesture from the fairy and Musa indulges in an extra long hug with her, the fact that there is guilt coming from her roommate does make Musa feel guilty in turn but she hopes with time it'll get better.
The empath makes the mistake of confessing to being restless and Aisha takes her swimming despite all her protest and has Musa swimming laps until the mind fairy feels like she might faint; all while boasting the mentality of a 'new chapter new you'
When they make it back to the suite Terra and Stella have transformed the living area to a sleepover headquarters while Bloom has sneaked in more food than should be possible.
A selection of action movies that only Musa really loves are already assorted in the corner and it's all so sweet and touching that she's tearing up before she even realizes.
The girls of coarse swarm her and she has more hands on her smothering her with hugs and pats that it should be overwhelming but it's all a sea of reassurance and love, the night ends up to be filled with laughter, jokes and it's a much needed balm for her soul.
Those tears are the only ones she sheds for the rest of the weekend.
She doesn't cry, she should, she thinks. The first night notwithstanding she should be mopping and really cripled with sadness but she's just morose. For a bit she worries that it's the numbness, is back but when she hears Terra whispering to her brother on her phone earlySunday morning she's dissuaded from that theory.
Sam's not doing well and she's the reason for that. The thought of Sam in pain causes her physical pain and in a way Musa's thankful for it.
She still doesnt cry. What sort of empath doesn't cry after a break up. Maybe whatever happened with the burned ones broke her she thinks when the girls are all piled around her during their impromptu sleepover.
But as Sunday morning turns into Sunday afternoon (A day poor Terra spends comforting her brother, Musa really does feel for the situation the nature fairy is stuck in) and Sunday turns into Monday, there are still no tears.
Perhaps it's her girls, maybe it'll hit her later she thinks after all, they're all so understanding.
The rest of school, as it turns out, not so much.
When Monday rolls around, Musa would have been able to tell she's the topic of conversation without her gift.
The whispers and looks aside the curiosity and judgment and revulsion that hangs around her has the potential to knock her down with its strength and for the first time since the attack she wants to run back to her room and pull out her headphones.
Musa wants to leave, to go and hide but as Stella loops her arm with hers, she makes herself stay, to keep her head high; because to hell with the lot of them, she's done running away.
Monday evening is where the break up goes from average, to disastrous; because evidently her sweet perfect understanding ex-boyfriend decided to get drunk, like roaring drunk and to be fair, it's his prerogative. But whatever he says in that state has everyone abuzz.
What was a simmer of interest in the weekend and is now a full fledged three ringed circus and Musa's not really sure why. What could have Same possibly said to have caused so much interest?
She knows something is up at lunch when suddenly the number of looks and stares have doubled.
Turns out the stereotype that fairies are the worst gossip is a gross over exaggeration. Specialists are the worst.
They're avoiding her, Musa's not exactly sure why, but by the time class is over, she realizes that there's no one hanging back to spar with her.
She doesn't really get it. People break up all the time, why is this any different and why in god's name are these people acting like they're just seeing her, they've been going to school together for over a year.
But Mussa doesn't let it show how much it bothers her, she grabs her stuff and hightales back to her suit. But no matter how much she wants to, she does not run, she just walks briskly.
She throws her bookback against the sofa frustrated with the world, which is the scene Aisha arrives to. The water fairy is the first to find her in their suite and she's surprised to say the least.
"Hey love, rough day?"
And Musa just looks at her friend with frustration and defeat
"The whole school has gone mental!" she mutters coming to sit at their small kitchen island letting her head drop against the cool granite. Aisha tsks as she comes over and rubs big circles on Musa's back trying to be comforting
"Your being boss bitch babe, people don't really respond well to that" And Musa gives her a sad forced smile not buying that the excuse as she sits up with a sigh
"What did you hear?" Musa whispers because she's a little terrified as to what is being said and frankly feeling really guilty. Why? she's not exactly sure, plus Aisha's emotions are too preppy, too forced.
"Well, a lot. But my favorite is that your Rosalind's spy, trying to make inroads so you can learn our defense plan and leak it back to her " Aisha's smiling, her tone overdramatic and severe as though she's narrating a spy thriller and for one stunned moment Musa's sure she's joking
"Yeah, I heard that too." Terra offers as she exits their room and joins them and Musa's not sure whether she should laugh or cry because where did this even come from?
"They say it makes sense because you look the most harmless and no one would really suspect it."
"You're joking" and her two suitemates just share a look before staring back at her.
"You're not joking! Why? Because I want to train?" Musa scoffs because what is the problem here and why did people care
"Because you picked your path over a boy. That's- a pretty foreign concept love, pretty radical" Aisha offers as she begins raiding their small fridge and Musa can't help but scowl at the answer because that's not what happened.
"It shouldn't be" she mumbles as she gets up only to deflate onto the sofa.
"You want to talk about it?" AIsha asks after a pause as she takes a bite out of an apple she's scoured and the offer is really kind and sweet and Musa sort of actually does. Which is surprisingly but Terra's there and she's been so understanding and just great about the whole thing, so rather than dive into it; Musa just finds herself explaining her breakup
"It wasn't sudden-"
"Musa you don't owe anyone an explanation" Aisha retirates and Terra nods along before excusing herself back to their room when her phone lights up.
Aisha studies Musa who looks lost in her thoughts. She wasn't sure what exactly had triggered the change in their resident empath and she didn't feel like she necessarily needed to. Her friend had decided to change her curriculum and Aisha respected and supported her. It was that simple to her, as for Sam, well, they're just first years in college. Breakups happen.
"You know we've all heard that you've been having trouble with the specialist, Blooms been thinking of asking Sky-"
"No!" and really Musa doesn't want that; she just, just wants it to go back to last Thursday were things seemed to be getting better "I just, I just need time" she offers more calmly
But the story doesn't end there. When the remaining two girls make it back the picture of what's being said goes from bad to worse or rather more ridiculous.
"They say you slept with Silva to be let in" Stella drops the bomb without any preamble as she tosses her book back to the corner of the room and Musa starts choking on air because what the hell?
"Oh, I heard she slept with Dowling" Bloom contradicts as she balances against the entrance of their suite trying to work her boots off, her brows scrunched up in confusion like she's got an answer to a math text wrong.
"Who did they hear this from?" Musa asks because the source of this can't really be Sam, could it? He was never a gossip and this is too all over the place.
Their answers are vague and sheepish. A labyrinth of he said, she saids that leads to nowhere. In the midst of their discussion there is a pitched high laugh from the main hallway that catches their attention.
Musa's eyes flash purple as she locks into a group of girls passing by their door and she feels the excitement, delight and conspiratory mood before she hears her own name, there's a lot of shushing noises followed by a lot giggling before a door is slammed in the distance.
"There's a lot of jealousy too" Stella offers with a shrug and the fact does little to make Musa feel better "a bunch of girls in the locker room couldn't believe you broke it off with Sam in general, they think there has to be someone else. Or you wouldn't just walk away"
"One of the girls in the library said she heard you hooked up with Dowling from someone who'd heard it Sam" Bloom says apologetically
"Who?" and it's Terra sounding just straight pissed as she joins the main group and Musa loves the girl for her protective instinct is ten out of ten "Because When I found him this morning-he wasn't ok and Sam, Sam can hold his drink and he'd never do that" Tears are welling in her eyes and Musa hasn't seen the green fairy this upset in a very long time.
"Hey, Terra its ok" but she soon realizes that the nature fairy is shaking looking down at her hands,
"Sam's really sick, he still hasn't been released from the infirmary. He doesn't remember- anything. I found him this morning passed out in the greenhouse but he doesn't remember."
"Hey listen, It'll be fine. I'm sure it wasn't him. Ok?" Musa doesn't let the doubt that's been creeping in her more and more to appear on her face "It will all work out just- Just go and take care of Sam, this isn't a big deal honestly"
But for someone who's coasted on not being seen, this does seem like a nightmare
When she's about to go down the day after the rumors start Stella and Aisha are waiting for her.
"They're just words. Anyone who knows you, will know better." Stella's being serious, which is rare, even though she's checking her reflection in her compact as though it's feasible for the princess of Solaria to look anything less than perfect.
"Think of it as a test on the people around you. After this, you'll know who you can trust and whose opinions change with a drop of a hat" and Musa thinks of the rumors Stella had endured after her accident and thinks perhaps this entire ordeal is nothing, Muda has her girls. It could be worse. She's just not used to attention, negative or positive.
Musa drops her head as she takes a deep breath when suddenly a hand is lifting her chin
"Uh-uh, chin up. You've done nothing wrong" It's Aisha who's ever firm in her assurance and Musa actually smiles, yeah she'll be fine. With such forces in her corner, how could she not be.
They're with her all through breakfast, closing in rank, pretending like nothing is remotely out of the ordinary and it's easy to pretend with them surrounding her. So she draws on their strength and when it's time to go to class she straightens up and takes another breath, this time head held high.
"You sure I can't walk with you " Bloom offers and Musa smiles at her
"Yeah, I'll be fine" Musa's not sure if she, herself believes it one hundred percent but she's not going to let anyone think otherwise. Despite her best confident face Bloom radiates her uncertainty prominently and Musa knows she'll have to make an effort to ease the fire fairies mind.
"I mean you can come, but Sky won't be shirtless until like noon so I think maybe meet me then to ogle him because right now he'll just be in his uniform-" Bloom blushes hard, mortification and embarrassment overtake the uncertainty and she shoves Musa with a smile and mutters
"Ok, yeah you're going to be fine" Musa gives the fire fairy a quick half hug, because Bloom's a little wired for her guy and that's not the energy Musa needs entering her class right now but she appreciates the offer and vote of confidence.
So with her head held high she makes her way to the field and when the Specialists do look and scrutinize, well she pretends like she doesn't notice.
Turns out ignoring it does help, though two weeks later and their break up is not yet fully old news.
Except now Musa's more and more sure that it's because Sam evidently has hordes of admirers who have just been lurking, waiting for a chance to tear her apart.
Had she been oblivious to them before or had they just had such a solid bond that it hadn't mattered she wonders during her nightly run.
Because surely, with her powers she'd have picked something up, but then again Musa thinks bitterly, she always concentrated on tuning people out. Since the break up she's started getting massive headaches.
It takes her back to being 8 when her powers had really begun to blossom and she'd been sick for days. She itches for her headphones even now despite the solitude of the night. She misses their weight on her ears or at the very least hanging about her neck. Quitting them cold turkey had been easy before the breakup, now, now it's almost near impossible.
The first week had been horrible and she'd actually gotten such a bad migraine when Sam had been released from the infirmary that she had vomited from pain. People don't realize that when they think of someone they emit the emotions to that person no matter how secretive they try to be. And as an empath it feels like she's been placed on blast.
The grass crunches under her feet softly and she wonders if she should head down toward the river or double back toward the dorms. It's Friday night, closer to the middle of term and so parties are popping up more, the dorms would most likely be filled with people coming and going, even this late at night and so she plans to avoid them until she's done for the night.
Her body is becoming tired and her mind is fully relaxed. She'll do a half lap she thinks, past their training grounds, they're always deserted. There are thick dark clouds that have been lurking all afternoon and look ready to burst at any moment. Despite it being warmer she's really not ready to be caught in the rain. With her course decided she goes back to her musing.
Part of her wonders if this is Karma, her thought process is not exactly clear or linear as to who she's wronged, because Sam and her parted mutually; mostly. But it's hard to believe that she's being singled out like this by the universe without a just cause.
She cant help but to think back to the numb feeling she'd been drowning in after the battle, how the silence of Sam's mind and the quiet rooms had taunted her nightly. And how now, the very activity she'd engaged in to feel anything has metamorph into her reprieve for some serenity and quiet.
Be careful what you wish for, she thinks ruefully.
As the first single drops of rain begin to fall around her, Musa sighs, relishing on the cool feeling that each drop brings. She's been finding solace in the runs more now. Not just because it's quiet and not just because people are now looking at her more during the day, but because she's plateauing in her fighting.
People's emotions will always be there during fights she knows, but now with them directing their emotions at her, it's hard to even do the most basic of drills.
She'd thought she was getting better but now she wonders if she'll ever succeed because she knows in real battles people's emotions will be dialed to the max, and Musa's not sure if she'll ever actually get the hang of it all.
Training had been draining before, now it's becoming crippling, taking almost all of her to tune them out and concentrate on physically fighting people. She sighs dejectedly as she picks up her pace as it starts properly raining.
It's like the school was starved for a bit of gossip that isn't world ending and so everyone seems to be watching for new developments. And adding fire to the fuel whenever they can.
There's also a weird vibe going on between fairies and specialists with each side seemingly feeling some sort of way about her training that sometimes she feels like an experiment, a guinea pig.
For exactly what? She's not sure.
She runs past the solarium keeping to the tree lines, the training grounds are just up ahead and then she'll be home bound. Her shirt is becoming soaked but she's always enjoyed running in the rain when it's not cold.
Musa takes a deep breath, focusing on the pain and not how tired she is, and her mind eases its tight grip. Like the nights before she allows her powers to expand, to fill her and ease into every part of her and beyond, it's a luxury she rarely ever dares allow herself.
The runs are helping her be active while being ungarudred. And she's been reveling in letting her powers just be, to let them swell and settle without the fear of interference and entanglement from other people's emotions.
That's why when the lust hits her, she's so surprised she trips and lands in a heap.
Desire, hunger, need it's hanging all over so potently, every breath feels like another stab of want.
Her skin prickles and she tries, really, really tries to real her powers back because holy shit its strong and there's so much of it, and mixed with anger and disgust and for second Musa thinks she must be dreaming.
There's also this gaping void looming in the foreground of it all and for a second the empath thinks she's going to be sick again or maybe that's just her, she's not even sure. Her skin feels like it's on fire and she can almost feel a trail of phantom hands, grazing, touching, caressing.
She stumbles up onto her own shaky hands, has to lean against a tree just to try to catch her breath and hold herself up. Her rhythm is so disrupted and each inhale makes her feel more, want more desire, her powers feeding off of the energy. It takes another moment to hear the tell tale sign of skin on skin over her own panting and the rain.
There are two sources of emotions she realises with a start, one feminine and one masculine and while they're equally dialed up, they're completely out of sink, both lost to themselves, and if she can just get a hold of her powers she can just leave. Hopefully with none being the wiser.
The choice is made for her when the femine mind goes quiet, sated, quelled and Musa can finally concentrate enough to straighten up, when she sees them or rather him and her mouth goes dry.
The lust pumping her veins has already tuned her up and later she'll blame that for the fact that she stays rooted to her spot.
The white shirt he's wearing is clinging to his skin and has become transparent due to the rain that's pounding down.
The back that she sees is sculpted, hard with deep lines that flex with each move. It shields his partner and Musa finds herself wanting to trace those lines. She shouldn't be here and she should definitely turn her gaze but she can't look away.
Her eyes trace the lines that seem etched into the back and follows the rain drops that trickles down, and down until -
She swallows hard, cheeks flaming hot as she tries to look up, a shift causes her eyes to anchor onto the specialist's arms that are braced against the wall, causing the long veins to swell and protrude with each movement.
The rhythm is hard and bruising, but so controlled, lacking the abandonment that the emotions the duo are emitting would suggest.
The arms reach down suddenly, effortlessly lifting the partner and turning, as blond waves go flying in the process and Musa would recognize the girl who's back faces her if she wasn't awe struck at the features that belong to the specialist now facing her. The person she'd been devouring with her own eyes, she recognizes them instantly.
She knows the face, knows it well, has seen it too many time for there to be any doubt but before her bewilderment can give way to horror
Forest green eyes burst open
and for one heartstopping moment the gaze is locked on hers, piercing through her, burning her.
Musa's sure he's looking straight at her. She feels rooted to the spot and the lust she had picked up on blooms into a myriad of emotions as she's pulled into him and she sees everything.
The want, the need, the loneliness, regret and they each come at her with such speed and such intensity she feels her mind melding with his as the emotions surround and over take her.
He's louder than anything she's ever experienced before, utter chaos and it's almost too much. But where she expects to find coldness she finds it strangely warm, comforting despite not being able to make sense of any of it due to the mess it all is and she struggles to leave.
But the eyes shift, breaking their connection, and just roam over the area, and she realizes with a start that he can't see her.
The specialist closes his eyes and throws his head back, there is a low feral groan that causes heat to pool low in Musa's belly but as the couples movement starts to pick up in intensity, her fear finally over rides her and she flees.
She runs until she's back into her suite, but even with so many doors and walls between them the desire and lust that had worked its way under her skin thrums away at her and she thinks she's going mad, itching with need but she refuses, refuses to even consider alleviating the want because everytime her eyes close she sees them.
And she's not, this person.
It was an accident, a total ridiculous accident, and these aren't her emotions she tries to justify, all she just needs is a moment, she thinks as she braces herself on the bathroom sink, the cool tile making her realize that despite being drenched to the bone she's burning hot.
She catches her own eyes in the mirror and discovers with horror that she's practiculary flushed. And no matter how hard she tries to convince herself, Musa knows the flush that is sprinkled across her cheek and disappears beneath her neck line has very little to do with physical excursion she's just endured.
She can't really stand to look at herself anymore as she yanks off her clothes and steps under the hot stream and lets it all wash away the memory of those green.
So much for not running away anymore.
AN: I didn't plan to write, let alone post. I've been struggling for years with writer's block on and off and frankly if I ever could write it was to write in hopes of completing my other fics. But Winx was a big part of my childhood and since I went into watching Fate with having low expectations I was pleasantly surprised. (It still has issues but still I liked it alot).
Still, I wasn't writing wasn't even planning to but then I read amazing fic by ikindamissbeingphysical on Ao3 and It was like I couldn't not write. The way she captures the essence of Musa and Riven is flawless, and superb. As if her series of oneshots weren't amazing enough (and the reason I refresh Ao3 multiple times a day) other writers began to pop in (Yes I stayed up way too late to read Breath Again Alphinia who also captures the characteristic of out main two characters beautifully, something I feel I struggle with) All of these spectacular writer became my inspiration.
This story was supposed to be a one shot, but it took a life of its own. I have no Beta and I would appreciate feedback more than you know, I haven't posted in years, so please review. I'm absolutely open to constructive criticism. I don't love the intro tbh and also am not sure if the ending of this chapter is hot or is it just cringe. I would love to hear your thoughts about where you would like our couple to go. I've requested for an account on Ao3 but for now fanfic is my home base. Cheers-GQ2000