I would say it looks quite blur and dull, but I would be lying to myself if I did.
The story of my life continues to revolve around family, and most cases, I forgotten that I also have choices to stop and looked behind the horizon I was once before.
Like a mind of its own, my feet walk the path what it thought best. Pushing myself to a destination with absolute focus and determination, that I find myself forgetting that the journey is as important as my goal. A character, that's what I always thought of myself. An unimportant one, that can be set aside and yet has a great impact on Yuzu's life.
Did I see myself less human because of it?
Well… partly. Who wouldn't, waking in a reality you knew is written and drawn at the other side?
I might accept Yozorako as my reality as of the moment, but do you ever wake up and thought it as a dream so lucid, the only reason you knew it is tangible is from the pain it evokes upon your being?
Half of me is dead, and no further reincarnation will return that reality from the living.
Even still, there's so many troubling and surprising occurrences grazing my years away from Japan due to Frederico's insistence of tutelage. And yet, it simply eludes me why I seems to be the spectator, and listener of all those chances considering that I am the most far off the map.
For four years I've been constantly shipped into many places where Verona established its business to learn its core and learn under the issues Frederico have set up for me to analyze along the way. Not to mention is my participation in secrecy being a part of the 'young exchange students' in Falcon Academy at New Zealand and lately, at Baranomiya in Germany, let's simply say… it is quite a ride of life.
Being home taught all my life as Yozorako Verona, I still find ways to convert myself in the school population just like when I was Roxanne Adele. Sleek and adapting to circumstances, I indeed find resources in different people around the world; from medical fields to the auction houses, engineers and chairpersons, from farmers to investors, and the good and the bad experiences and deals garnered during these ventures.
At Falcon, I met quite an interesting guy to begin with. He is well-mannered, shy boy of his age always trailing behind a more matured brother, acting quite flamboyant. I have no interest in many things, and men are not one of them, but to see such a familiar face at this particular time of my life is simply interesting to have. Not to mention is that he plays a role in the manga that I both like and dislike; nevertheless, Udagawa Ken surely is a boy with a good head on his shoulder.
He was the top of the class, a shy away from graduating with honors and a good personality that many liked to have. Unfortunately, while a good businessman at heart, his brother, Udagawa Shiro, is the inheritor of the family business which meant he is, in every sense, always at the path of the Manager on the manga.
Appease at this notion, I have introduced myself to him at a certain point on my month away from transferring at Baranomiya to quell my thirst of knowledge at his personality.
Let it be said that I find it expected. Udagawa Ken is kind and genuine soul, the perfect protagonist and a side character with a face indulgently not short of perfection. However, while I am fascinated of how good he is whole heartedly- it could not take away that he is easily influenced. He might find himself a free man but at the end of the day, he returns to his family with conviction to honor its path. Honorable, but a complication I rather dealt with.
There is nothing wrong for being such a caring build, but when it is a problem at Yuzu's end, I would gladly offer alternatives to shield them away. Of course, I cannot ask of them to null their contract if ever Aihara is at play, simply because Udagawa is the substitute of the original bane; Mei's first fiancé, Amemiya. Moreover, Udagawa Ken is not one to be handled this offering, instead, the patriarch of his home. I cannot make a move to discuss thus, as I have no proof Aihara and Udagawa families have a partnership now, or at the future without digging into the branches' histories with ulterior motive.
Safe to say, I find ways in contact of Mr. Manager Udagawa, barring any instances to claim I am part Verona in hopes that it does not backfire right away. I might push them in another route, but such route should not be towards me and my hand in marriage.
Then, as if the world plays quite a game with me, I have been subjected into the lunacy that is Baranomiya Academy. I… cannot express the bafflement I endured in its walls.
I thought it prestigious, don't get me wrong. Grizelda have, in utmost respect told its tale of highest curriculum in par of Falcon's. And with evidence at the room I left, I cannot fathom why I did not see this thing quite well. Geniuses or not, Baranomiya's students are the craziest lot I have ever witnessed in my life here at this world. It seems like the center of the comedic role is upon their heads diluted might be with air. Their fame and poise attitude a hairs breathe away from jesters, letting me think of ways if Citrus is but the sour of these hilarity of sweet vomits.
In addition to that, the council and myself might have made a mistake on giving the school into an insane person as well. Not in a way that meant a dangerous threat to life, but simply… a loose crew in the head to accompany her absurdity? It truly irritates me to no end.
Who in their right mind, would find time to chance a play in psychological, physical and survival expertise of wealthy women and children, just because they have forgotten the importance of a 'family' on their lives? Who would benefit such idiocy but the participants- the brunt of the entertainment that will last years? What will the point system do but bring competition rather than the authenticity of the problems of raising a family? Can't they simply add the subject of Marriage and Family Welfare to their units?
Alas, I have no choice but to play a role of the student with my age change to that of greater value of third year curriculum. And yet, such laugh did not end well without misery isn't it? As I find myself part of such program, taking the role of a father in a family with a wife and five children varying of age. Not to say such company is bothersome, but the essence of such task dilute me to act as it is amidst my secret objective and tutelage under the chairman's father.
Unlike these children and women, I value family more than I overcome any challenges upon my way. A vital part of molding me today, such actions are not to be trifled with when it comes to these ploys of heart and mind. Responsibility is a strong word to have, but coupled it with forceful practicality, one will bow down to the pressure of raising a family as they would have thought. And thus, with a heavy load of responsibility to assist the children on my wing, I have done my role to give them a life they deserve amidst the idiotic program. Which is, to have a figure guiding them to a path of success and happy relationship. As such reason, did I completely decided to stay for a year to help them grow into fine people while ending the program gradually upon the votes of the population's democracy. My health was noted however, as every few days I were excused to visit my doctors outside of school.
Hiding my tasks were also a battle on its own, knowing that people under the insane woman starting this program is in every corner.
With that said, it gives me a very difficult perspective of adoration to say the least. I have five impressionable children on my beck and call, calling me 'father' as if such title were mine and not of their real parents, even if the ploys have ended in victory upon their behalf. The psychological effect of such abrasive plot is showing without constraint and I find myself at wits end because of it. Not to mention the wife.
Oh don't be mistaken, the enigmatic wife is another different story all together.
Since that wife, Tokiwa Yukari, knows who I am.
Green hair in curls, shoulder length with a fringe hiding her right eye.
Did I also mention she was promised to marry the next heir of Verona if needed be? Absolutely preposterous, and a complete aberration on her family's part. But these young woman, with kind yet mysterious aura smothering her presence, lived for years knowing she were destined to be someone's wife, which in turn, was thwarted due to my age and law. It doesn't mean she find no interest in me however, opting to play the role of the wife she was meant to be all along. Even if we got on the wrong foot, she remains a woman of her word, holding my secret at her heart with conviction.
"How much are your worth for?"
The word was insulting and impulsive, but such a phrase is the only sentence I could utter in that situation. It was the first day of the program, with the children sleeping on their own room for the night, while me and the wife sits at the living room with hushed voices, as such thing is quite delicate of an information to be leaked.
She did not grow angry, but her fingers unto the tea cup tensed at the word. Yukari knows it was true. An exchange of something grand for a hand of the heiress written on contract. How big is it to be written so delicately? Silently, she placed the cup on its saucer, hiding her hands out of my sight below the table. It is no brainer why she does so.
"I did not mean to sound heartless," I consoled for a short while, a twinge of guilt blossoms on my hardened visage. "But we are both aware this is not something grandmother will do on a whim."
"Indeed, Grizelda- sama had not been merciful of her choices. However, the correct phrase should be; how long am I worth for?" Yukari replies, still poise but with that, grating enigmatic upturn of lips. I fail to see these entertainment, and thus, frown at her counterfeiting. That expression is so close at home, and the form of my mother, sobbing beyond comprehension is like a phantom grazing my ears. "My family had sold me in a price for a chance of your hand, Verona- sama. Now that it is gone and my family's wealth returning on your doing, it is safe to say that gratitude has come its way over my parent's heads to regard me as the gift of the bidding. My worth is my own being, and the devotion of my last name for you. However long you wished for me to be your companion, is entirely on your grasp to decide the deadline."
"You're not some cattle to be given." I hissed, balling my fist myself, appalled at these submissive behavior. "Why are you so calm? Why are you doing this?"
"Such is my life, is it not?" she then chuckles at me, eye closed to hide that swimming pain. She never wavered. Never expressed the utmost anger. The perfect trophy she was molded to be. "It is a test for me, you see, if I am successful to win over your approval. If not, then a shame should be released away from the family towards the outside world. I am not threatened to danger my life, but I am expected to part ways with my heritage the sooner you told me I have no chance to become your wife."
"Even though I am a woman?"
"Honestly, Verona-sama, that's the least of my worries."
Safe to say I have been so enraged to regard that conversation with silence and musings concerning the children. Knowing that the Tokiwa will throw their daughter if she were to fail her upbringing on the streets have made me furious enough to asked counsel to my Aunt Diana, Grizelda's youngest child to ask of these arrangement and dig deeper into the problems of Tokiwa.
That year have been grueling and a fruitful understanding of horrid tradition, but such is the damage I have heard that I offered if Yukari Tokiwa are willing to part with her family name on exchange of another. Not a moment later after her graduation, Yukari Verona is living and traveling with me across the world, adopted by Diana Verona herself. Not as my wife per se, but someone who, with all courage step out of Tokiwa to escape the threads of their contract, towards my side as a secretary. She was a free woman all on her own, but I admit that I never expected such assistance to have molded her feelings for me in a… romantic way.
Alas, each of her own. The vital part of such is that she and I, have no bars of pact to govern our emotions towards each other. She may admire me all she like, but that admiration has no price on her head. Maybe that's why Yukari was so light and open with her smiles for years I am at her side. She was that mysterious little thing, now a rose blooming with conviction to assist me to change Verona. I may have been quite… receptive of her affection, something I find to be a surprise myself.
However, it doesn't mean I appreciate her company as a significant other. Yukari gave me that closure of safety I have not felt in… well, years, be it as Roxanne or Yozorako. She made me feel whole, like a person on a sea of billions, the person who steadies my feet on the ground.
A friend. A true friend, with their own insecurities and problems, with their own criticism and arguments against my own views.
It is annoyingly refreshing.
Truthfully, those dramas with her and the children, were the only occurrence that I will say as an arc of my own. Not of Yuzu nor Mei. Not of Citrus nor the future. It's just me and my sense of justice. That dark fairytale of woman rescuing a person to give them better life. Like a dragon protecting the princess from the knights.
Cue the closeted mess of my childish mind screaming in this achievement.
It made me feel… happy, to say it is my own life I am creating. OCs are supposed to be these individuals who mark or disrupt the plot, who were focused in the endgame of happy endings of the characters they admired and avoid the tragedies upon the road ahead. This world made me feel like any other characters, manipulated by the fates delivering the same end. And yet with Yukari, and the problems she brings that I have no knowledge of, nor any experience with is like a fresh balm of water on my wound. It centers me, and tells me I am but just a person too.
I am no god. Nor I am the master of anyone's fate.
But I damn still going to assist my sister, fortunately. No revelation, no matter peace inducing it was, could ever part me of erasing that chapter on Yuzu's life.
I was Roxanne Adele, first and foremost. But now, I am Yozorako Verona, Yuzu's twin sister. Not the person who have a stashed of manga on her closet, nor the spectator of the world I desired to be.
All in all, I have a glorious epiphany of life.
But what's happiness without fails on Matsuri's side of things?
I have said it before, and I will say it again. That vermin are as dangerous as my mind when I desired an outcome with complete success rate. She might have the heart to care for me, Yuzu and the brother I never know she has- Inori, it simply could not take down her sly and manipulative attitude when needed be. At the age of ten, my first view of her character rushes in when she downloaded a sizeable files of psychological manipulation, hacking, photo editing, and reverse mindsets used by CIA's and written by them.
When I thought it could not get worse, that girl have done her best on integrating this studies in real life, as reported by Yuzu who rambles of Matsuri's drastic behaviors at school. Then, the worse rears its head.
I simply could not take it and dialed her phone without a second thought.
"Don't even think about it." I hissed, so firmly that Matsuri cut off her cheerful greeting.
"Y-Yonee-chan?" she stumbles, surprised lacing her voice.
"I know Matsuri. And I'll say it now, don't. Even. Think. About. It." If the silence that ensues can scale how tense it was to crack an iceberg, I will bet my hands it was as horrific as it was to confront the awakening of an evil spawn of the devil.
She moves at the other end of the dial, as if weighing her options on hand. I was sitting there watching my laptop, hoping that the sexual video of her classmate taken from a window will not be posted on the internet or sold for anyone at a price of the victim's humiliation. I love Matsuri, I truly do, but I will not stay still while she destroys a life still trying to find its footing. I will not let her become a monster who ends a life due to misplace anger or indifference. I simply could not.
"You are watching me." She then realizes, that voice devoid of cheer. It feels so wrong, yet I knew this is the real Matsuri. Threading in equal measure of blunt and cautiousness, I gave an affirmation.
"I am watching both of you… you cannot deny I felt obligated to do so, knowing this will happen the moment I gave you that device." I corrected, sighing as I saw her screen retreating back as an icon without further delay. "You're brilliant, Matsuri. A lot smarter than Yuzu-nee-san and yet… why? You know this is wrong."
"She deserves it." A chill runs down my spine, as I cover my face to sigh deeply, knowing this is a delicate matter to discuss. I wonder if her parent's negligence has made it seems like Matsuri controls every sense of her life, without any consequences for she is but a child.
"Will I deserve this humiliation," I slowly worded out my inquiry, wanting to get in that thick skull of hers. "If I grew mad at you for little things, mock you childishly every day and fought with you just because you're an easy target for my insecurities?"
"I don't know. Maybe… what are you getting at?" A chance was all it took.
"What I am pointing at Matsuri, is that as a bigger person, you should know that girl is a child like you. Children are petty, the words in their mouth can hurt you but those words are void of its meaning because they will never know the whole story. They are greatly influenced by their surroundings, and as a smart person, you should know they just tried to look big to hide their insecurities. She's bullying you? Maybe she's jealous you're cooler and prettier than her. Calling you names? Maybe she see herself thus and was just portraying it to anybody. Do you get what I mean?"
"… You make it sounds a compliment to me." Something change, and I felt these relief overflowing my body. She might be a cunning girl one day, but she can't be that smart enough to know I am manipulating the words to let her remain on line. By instating that it is not her fault, it will make her willing to listen to my words. By telling her of the other party's fault, will make her loosen her anger to be compliant of my demand. A devious one to control the flow, but parents who knows to discipline their child knows this technique quite well. Still, I resume, knowing there's still a problem to discuss.
"Because it is, if you will listen to me and stop what you are going to do."
"… but I need it." Is the reply after the long silence. I thinned my lips, hearing the tremble of emotions on her tone. A sob came next, but I remain silent, wanting her to speak up. Alas, she did, and it broke my heart. "Y-you see it right? The old man s-said he'll give me a huge s-sum for a video. I-I… I need that money, Nee-chan. You have no idea."
"Why do you need that money?" I whisper, respecting her cry.
"B-because s-sometimes n-nee- chan, I-I w-wonder if… if Tou- chan and Kaa-chan, r-realize m-me a-and I-inori are still a-at h-h-home. I-I… I want th-that money 'c-cause.. 'cause I-inori and I need food. They might pay f-for e-everythin', but.. but they forgot w-we need f-food. Th-they p-post this, sh-shit tons of happy photos a-and, let us starve to d-death."
Balling my fist on my forehead, I grit my teeth as I heard the confession of her reasons. While she's manipulative to a fault, the girl with the broken heart have seen the shadows as her only sanctuary. The net who cannot let her down. The offerings to give her the food they needed to survive. How could I not see this sooner, when we were but young.
How they failed to retrieve Matsuri at our home when they were transparently at their lawn.
How Matsuri brings fruits and wrapped snacks back home, saying that she wants it all.
How that bright and kind Matsuri of the past, have been slowly dying and reverting to a person willing to do anything sinister, to the point of self- destructive.
"Why didn't you tell me? Or Yuzu?" I stopped, gulping down the bile on my throat. "We could have given you anything."
"I- I don't w-want nee-chan to p-pity me… I- I don't need your m-money… I just… I just need this, nee-chan. Please." she cries sorrowfully.
"Idiot," I chastised, waving my hand on the air as if swatting flies. "If you have told me sooner I could've…" pausing, I sighed in resignation, opening a zip file to be send over Matsuri's backdoor.
Hearing the notifications at the other line, child stopped sobbing, as she regards the pop up on the screen.
"Y-Yonee-chan?"
"If you don't want money, then fine. If you don't want my pity, then that's fine as well." I mull, biting my tongue for a moment before confessing. "I know you have some… things you were doing before this. Things I do not approved of. Now that I am aware of what is your reason, I will give that files to you sooner than I hope. I have the thought to do so, but on a later date."
"Yo-Yonee-chan!?" Incredulity. I smiled as I heard her voice raised in a higher tone. I caught her by surprise.
"Everything you will send upon your clients must come to me. Do you understand, Matsuri? Don't ruin lives. Don't download anything from any sources. Don't humiliate anyone who you know personally. I will provide all of it. Give all you need. And you will not look for anything I did not agreed upon. In exchange, you can all have the money you need. All those profits you can have, spend it carefully. Don't think that money will overflow just because you have the contents you need. Understood?"
"Nee-chan…"
"I won't tell you to stop… but in this way, I can keep you safe more than you realize… do you understood, Matsuri?"
"U-uhn! Th-thank you, thank you thank you thank you, nee-chan! I love you!"
"… I love you too… Idiot." I whispered, over the ended call.
Over all, Matsuri have become the little devil I adored. Not in a way that she changes, but I have reformed my way of looking into her character. Who would've thought that in such a chaotically evil person, hides a broken soul? Nevertheless, I am content to be by her side in these endeavor. This way, I will not be inclined to play the game of cat and mice with Matsuri. Especially when it comes to sly manipulations. Despite giving her a bad way to start the life she had unto the future, Matsuri remains incredibly loyal to her deal and promise, not seeing such thing to be a fault of judgement, but a salvation. The mind of the young, it truly is blind to the slight of the adults.
Doesn't mean she's still not a shit, to be completely honest. Sometimes I could not help but run my hands through my hair due to the history and bookmarks of sexual sites Matsuri visited. Knowing that I'm watching them, Matsuri have become very bold, forcing me to call her at times when I knew that she has gone too far. Admonishment ensues, but another day will come and she's back to square one. Attention seeker vixen, Matsuri is.
Yuzu on the other hand, is almost the balm of my chaotic world. An almost direct opposite of Matsuri's problematic transition to teenager. She's almost grown into a fine woman, with that penchant optimism and finishing touches of a great adult in the making.
Almost, is the word.
What set the curve differently is a unique blend of concern and overturn of events on Yuzu's life. That is, not making friends as it is on the first chapter on manga. She spoke time and time again the girls whom invited her into many occasion but politely refused in quite baffling circumstances. When asked, she only rambled thus:
" Nee-san, I don't need that kind of crowd! All they talk about is boys! Can you believe it? Boys!"
I wondered what have been the most worrying that time, me frozen for hours on end or Yuzu not dwelling too much on those girls who she fancied to be friends with. Furthermore, such hilarity is doubled by her fascination of clothes that suspiciously mirrors my own; plain and simple, clean and ironed for formality, not fashion. I have in the right mind, been completely unnerved of such event, and thus in every month that I am able to release schedules, have disdainfully shopped on different brands to fancy her taste. A fine counter per se, but can I really change a mind of a girl so dead set on trying to remember what her twin is like?
"You're smiling once more." Yukari piped in, throwing me out of my stupor. "Thoughts of your 'Yuzu-san' is the only thing that makes you smile that wide, I believe. A warning Yozorako~, I might get jealous."
Squinting my eyes to the side, Yukari resumes typing on a laptop, as if she did not spoke at all. I still am uncomfortable of her double –edged words, as is her sentences were laden with covers I failed to see if genuine or a jest. Nonetheless, I slowly replied with exasperation.
"She's my sister. Of course I am entertained to think she grows well." Or worried she grows so differently than I hope.
"Hmm, I don't know. You are thoroughly invested on her life, as it is~."
"Yes…" I confirmed, growing tired by these same arguments when it comes to Yuzu. It appears every Verona relative who knows I have a sibling have similar reaction on my fascination of Yuzu's growth. It seems like they thought it will lead into an incestuous relationship. Well, it will, just not me on equation. "Because we're twins, and communicating every day is a promised we have to each other. She is invested in my life as I am invested with hers. What is this all about, Yukari?"
"It looks too intimate for me~/ Brother and I are not that intimate to have every detail of his life making me smile the way you do with Yuzu- san~."
See what I mean?
"Doesn't mean the lack of intimacy with your brother is the common occurrence in every other sibling out there, jerk."
"Ouch~!"
I shook my head at her drama, pushing that reminiscence at the back of my mind.
I have wait on edge, trying to see the signs of the fate at play.
Deeply engrossed on my thoughts, I have look for any incidences that will point me to the path saying that it is time, that the clock is ticking for this universe, of starting the eventful life of my twin as our 16 years' birthday happens to passed day by day.
Succumbed to my concern, I have forgotten an important meeting that I have failed to be part of; always musing, always moving the correct stones to sink into the rivers of chances.
Well… until I have been given one like a slap on my face. Courtesy of Sho Aihara, knees bend on my apartment floor, sweating like bullets…
"Yozorako- chan, I beg of you, please bless my marriage to Ume-san!"
… asking for my mother's hand in marriage.
The time tolls as I sat frozen at my chair, looking at the violet eyes of the father who is the first stone of such events.
"Fuck…" I could only uttered, jaw set to unhinged.