This turned out to be longer than I expected. I just wanted them to meet soon. Are you able to connect with the characters? Please let me know in reviews. Again, English is not my first language so please ignore if you find any grammatical errors. Enjoy :))
The elevator door closes and she is gone. I sink to the floor and put my head in my hands.
What the hell have I done?
She's gone. She's gone after she promised she'll never leave me. Okay, she said it in her dream and like a fool that I am, I believed her. The best thing that ever happened to me and I ruined it. I always knew deep down that I'm no good for her then why do I feel like shit? Why does it hurt so much?
I felt a wetness on my face and realize I'm crying. I can't remember the last time I cried. Maybe when crack whore died.
The elevator chimes, announcing the arrival and my heart leaped in my mouth. She's back. I quickly wiped my face and sat paralyzed, waiting. Only Taylor steps out and freezes for a moment
"Miss Steele is home, Mr. Grey"
"How was she?" I ask as noncoherently as I can
"Upset, sir"
I nodded
"Can I get you anything, sir?"
"No" leave me alone
"Sir" he nodded and left leaving me slouched on the floor
As much as I want to sit here and wallow, I can't. I need an update on Leila's situation. I moved towards the shower and scrubbed my body, trying to get rid of her smell.
Good riddance
I raise my face to the streaming water. It's not good riddance. I miss her. I am going to miss her, a lot.
Only yesterday her hands were braced against this wall as I fucked her from behind. I stepped out and wrap a towel around my waist. She was a breath of fresh air, witty, smart, and challenged me like no other. Now she's no longer here, I'll be back to my dull, darker world with nothing to look forward to. No more witty comebacks, no more firsts.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror
"What have you done asshole?" I seethed
I remember her face after I hit her. So much hurt, broken.
Repulsed by the image staring back at me, I turned away.
I stepped out of the bathroom and noticed something on my pillow. My heart shattered once more. It's from her. I know it. What would she give me? Taking a deep breath, I sit on the bed.
It's a glider. A model-making kit for a Blanik L23. A scribbled note falls on the bed from the top of the box
This reminds me of a happy time. Thank You
Ana
Pain laces through me. It's a perfect gift from my angel. We were happy. I dropped the box on the bed and dressed hurriedly. I grab the box and note and head to my study.
My conversation with Welch was brief. I didn't know Leila married her husband during a drunken weekend in Vegas. No wonder marriage lasted only 18 months.
I remember my time with her. She was perfect submissive. But she wanted more and I didn't. Our arrangement ended by mutual consent. Then why is she here? Why is she seeking me again? She was mischievous and loved the kink. But she never captured my attention as Anastasia did. None of them did.
I traced my fingers along the edge of the box, the same surface my Anastasia touched.
My sweet Anastasia
The only woman I have chased. The only woman who can't give me what I need. I have come alive since I have known her. These last few weeks have been the most exciting and unpredictable of my life.
Sigh…
She will never like what I do. And surprisingly I don't want to do all that shit with her. I don't want to taint my angel. Her face from the last time when we were in my playroom will always haunt me. She's is better off without me.
I stare at the box again and open it. The sound of her squealing in glider surfaces in my mind. I can't help but smile. I hunt for the glue in my desk drawer. Shit, I don't have any.
I knocked on Taylor's door in staff quarters
"Mr. Grey?"
"I need glue"
"For what sir?"
"I am building a glider model"
"Wooden or plastic?"
"Plastic"
"I have some. I'll bring it down now, sir"
I thank him, a little stunned that he has a modeling glue. Moments later he knocks on the door.
"Come in"
He places a small plastic container on my desk
"Thank you"
"No problem Mr. Grey. Have you eaten?"
His question surprised me a little
"I am good Taylor. Go enjoy the afternoon with your daughter and I'll see you tomorrow"
"I will return tomorrow evening sir"
I gave him a quick nod and he's gone. I spent the whole afternoon working on it and after it was finished, I couldn't help but feel a sense of achievement. The memories of that day keep nudging me, first Anastasia was impossible to wake up, after that her childish antiques and funny humor, her girlish squeaks in the glider, and later our beautiful kiss. It was my first attempt at more.
It's crazy how in a short amount of time I have gained so many memories. Then came the feeling of despair, I lost her. I am never going to see her again.
I stare at the ceiling in Ana's room, sleep eludes me. Ana's pillow is beside me; it smells like her. It's both heaven and torture. Elena called earlier, I ignored it, I don't want to talk to anyone right now.
He's back. I can hear the keys rattling. He's back
Mommy is asleep on the floor. I covered her with a blanket earlier.
I hide and curled up under the table in the kitchen and shut my eyes close. He is yelling at mommy but she isn't waking up.
He hits Mommy with a belt. I am scared. He is continuously hitting. 'Stop please' mommy makes a small noise but he isn't listening. 'You little fucked up bitch. You know how much money I have lost because of you'.
Please. Stop. Please don't hurt mommy.
He left. I run to mommy and kissed her as she gives me when I am hurt. I turn her face to me. Shit! It's Ana.
I wake up with a jolt. They are back, the nightmares are back. Ana kept them away. She truly was my angel. I looked beside my bed, it's just 3.30 in the morning. It's pointless trying to go back to sleep. I pushed myself off the bed and went out for a run. I run.
Run as fast as my feet could. Run from all the pain. Run from the loss I have had. I can't seem to run fast enough. I ache everywhere, my lungs are burning, my legs hurt but I can't seem to run away from this pain. I found myself on the sidewalk of Pike Street outside her apartment. All is quiet, there is no sign of life from outside her apartment. I just wanted to know if she is okay.
Who am I kidding, I crave to get a glimpse of her, to see if she is as hurt as I am? To know if she misses me. I ducked outside her apartment. Maybe she went out last night, got drunk, and met someone
No
Bile rises in my throat as I think of her in someone else's arms
This is your fault, Grey. You brought this on yourself. You ruined everything.
I feel angry and jealous, it stirs something inside me that I don't understand.
I spent the whole day on my desk working, it's been a productive day. Ros worked hard too. I have a final draft of SIP on my desk. At least like this, I'll be able to keep an eye on Ana.
My Ana, sigh…
Mrs. Jones is back and served me dinner after that I went to bed hoping to catch a few hours of sleep, I know it's futile.
I wake up after another nightmare. I am sitting on my piano playing Bach. I can imagine Ana standing beside me wearing my t-shirt, all long legs displaying their full glory. I would have fucked her here. Damn, she said she'd try. Why did I have to hit her so hard?
I am frustrated, I need something, something violent. I went out for a run, thinking about our time together. Again, I find myself outside her apartment. This is not good, I need Flynn.
I am at GEH, my little glider placed in front of me.
"Great work on SIP contract"
Ros is telling me about some changes that need to be made in the contract but I can't seem to focus. Ana is starting her new job today, she'll be meeting new people, a new man. Don't go there, Grey.
Will she forget me? They say girls always remember their first. So I'll always have some special place in her heart. I checked my phone again.
No email, no missed calls from Ana. She wanted out and she's not coming back. Accept it, Grey.
She wanted hearts and flowers.
After Ros left, I called Andrea in my office
"Send Ms. Steele two dozen white long-stemmed roses"
"Any message with that sir?"
Message? For my Ana? What should I say to her? Come back to me. I am sorry I hit you. We can make it work; I'll take care of everything. Come back. Instead, I said
"Send 'Congratulations on your first day at work. I hope it goes well'" I glanced at the glider on my desk "'And thank you for the glider. That was very thoughtful. It has pride of place on my desk. Christian'"
Later that day, I am dreading going back to Escala. I know memories of Ana and my nightmares will plague me there. I haven't heard back from Ana about the flowers. I know she got them; I received the signed copy of the receipt.
"Taylor, take the route from Ms. Steele's apartment"
"Yes sir"
I want to know how did her first day go? Does she like working there? Did she meet someone?
"We are here Mr. Grey"
"Drive slowly"
I glanced at her apartment. The lights are off. She's not home. I know she leaves work at 5. She should be home. Is she out with another man? Another wave of agony, jealously and frustration hits me. I cannot go on like this. Thank fuck tomorrow I have an appointment with Flynn.
"We are fucking. Fucking hard. Her hands are braced against the doors and sliding my thick cock in and out of her. she's here. She's mine. I braced on hand on her ass which I know will bruise from my hold and fist other on her hairs. I drove into her with all I have. Fucking her, punishing her for leaving me. Her moans are urging me on. It feels good, feels home. She's close. I can feel it. She grips my cock tightly in her warm embrace and shatters around me. I thrust two more times and pour all my anger, frustration, agony in her. It feels good.
Suddenly she's is walking away. She has the same expression she had in my playroom
"Why did you do it?"
"No Ana stop"
I try to run after her. But I can't.
"Ana" "
"ANAAA…."
I wake, screaming. Another nightmare. She kept them all away. She saved me from all this. It has become a routine now. Wake up. Run. Check outside Ana's apartment. Have breakfast. Work.
"Christian you look miserable. What happened?"
I am sitting on the brown leather sofa in Flynn's office.
"I met a girl"
"And?"
"She left me"
"Women have left you before, Christian. Why is it different?"
Because she was Ana. It was different from the start. She was inexperienced. She was the first woman I wanted. She wasn't my submissive, we had no contract between us. It was just me and my Ana. I wanted to have more with her
Flynn interrupted my thoughts
"It's a simple question Christian"
"I miss her"
"You never missed any of the women previously?"
I shake my head
"Why was it different this time? Did you have a contractual relationship?"
"I hoped we would"
"And?"
"I wasn't for her" she wasn't a submissive. She could never follow instructions
"Tell me everything"
The floodgates open and I pour everything that has happened from her falling into my office to her leaving me last Saturday.
"Hmm… a lot has happened since we last spoke." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully
"There are many issues here but first I want to know how you felt when she told you she loved you?"
"Horrified"
"Of course, you did. You are a good man Christian. You are worthy of love and affection just as much as anyone else. How do you feel now?"
Lost. Wishing I could turn back time
"I miss her. I miss her a lot. I want her back." As I am pathetic like that. I know I don't deserve her I still want her.
"So why don't you get her back?"
Is he kidding me? Has he listened to anything I have said just now?
"She can't be what I need John and I can't be what she needs."
"How can you be so sure about that?"
"She left"
"She left after you belted her. If she doesn't share your taste can you blame her?"
"No"
"Why don't you try relationship her way?"
What? I stare at her dumbfounded. He continues
"Did you find the sexual relationship with her satisfying?"
"Yes, of course" I snapped
"Did you like beating her?"
"Yes"
"Do you want to do that again with her?"
Do that again? And watch her walk out again. No. Her face still haunts me. I can't. I hurt my angel.
"No"
"Why?"
"Because it's not her scene. I hurt her… she can't…. I can't…. I can't even think about doing that again. She was hurt and angry. She was so angry at me. I have never seen her that angry before."
"How did that make you feel?"
"Helpless"
"Does it feel familiar? You know with your past?"
I see rage. Fuck
"No, you know my relationship with Elena was different. It wasn't like that."
He remains composed
"I wasn't talking about Mrs. Lincoln"
Fuck. I know what he is talking about. Shit. I feel pain and anger. My head feels like it will burst. Image of Ana swirls in my brain
"This is what you really like? Me, like this?"
"It's unfair. She asked me. She asked me to show her."
"You are an angry man Christian and you have every right to be. I am not trying to rehash your past. I am just saying that Ana obviously had an effect on you and it probably triggered your PTSD. She means more to you than you care to admit."
Is this why it hurts so much. He continues
"Do you want to be with her?"
"Yes," I will do anything to have one more minute with her.
"Then you have to focus on that. Have you considered a traditional relationship?"
"No, it never occurred"
"Why?"
"You know I can't. It's not who I am"
"Why can't you? If she's unwilling to be your submissive you can't be her dominant. You have tried your way. Why not try her way once?"
Fuck. Could I? I have never had a girlfriend before.
"Christian think about it. Our time is up. I want to see you in few days. I'll tell Janet to fix an appointment with Andrea"
"Thank you"
I shook his hand and left.
I wake up after another nightmare and looked beside, 4.00. I remember what it was like to sleep with Ana in my arms. Those were the best nights of sleep I have had in my entire life. I think about what Flynn has said. Can I be what she wants? I think about the last month, her falling in my office, our first night together, the first time I watched her sleep, the first time I slept beside her. I do want that. I want her back. But how?
I rise from bed and go check on Anastasia first. Again, her apartment building looks gloomy. Today, I comparatively feel better. First, I need to think about how I am going to get her back. She said she loved me. Does she still do? She wants hearts and flowers. I can give her that.
Roach sent me a file on Jack Hyde. Something is off about it. None of his assistants has stayed for more than a month. Ana is working for him. Does he make her uncomfortable? Shit! If only she were with me, I would have asked her. I have to get her back quick. Thank fuck, I bought SIP.
Knock! Knock!
"Come in"
"Mr. Grey, there is nothing in your tomorrow's schedule except Portland."
Shit! At the photographer's show, Ana asked me to accompany her. Hope-filled me again. Yes, this is my chance to talk to Ana. I will ask her to take her there. I know she hasn't had time to buy a car yet. I know she wants to go there I will take her. We will take Charlie Tango; I know she liked it last time. A smile appears on my face as I remember the last time, I took her in Charlie Tango. I will always cherish that night. She chose me to give her virginity. It was one of my best orgasms.
"Mr. Grey?" Andrea asks when I didn't reply
"Yeah! It's fine. Inform Stephen to ready Charlie Tango, I am flying to Portland tomorrow in the evening with Ms. Steele."
"Ms. Anastasia Steel, sir?"
"Yes"
"Ok. Anything else, sir?"
"No"
As much as I hate asshole photographer, I cannot be more thankful for him right now. But how should I ask Anastasia about tomorrow?
Dear Ana
Hello Ana
Dear Ms. Steele
Fuck this is so frustrating.
20 minutes later and I am still staring at the computer screen. What do I say?
Let me take you?
Hey, I miss you
I am sorry
Keep it simple Grey, keep it simple.
This will do.
Andrea buzzes
"Mr. Grey your next appointment is here."
"Send them in 5 minutes"
I read and re-read my message. My heart pounding as I pressed send. This will do.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Tomorrow
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Anastasia
Forgive this intrusion at work. I hope that it's going well. Did you get my flowers?
I note that tomorrow is the gallery opening for your friend's show, and I'm sure you've not had time to purchase a car, and it's a long drive. I would be more than happy to take you should you wish. Let me know.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
I shut my laptop and Mr. Davidson enters to discuss the new merger. I am anxious to get this over with so that I can check her reply.
"The terms look reasonable. I need to get this review by my lawyer first then we can proceed forward."
"It's pleasure doing business with you sir"
I plaster the smile that I have mastered over the year. Get out
"Likewise, my assistant will set another meeting soon"
I checked my inbox again. She hasn't replied. What is taking so long? She always was quick with replies earlier. Will she not reply. Do I disgust her that much?
Ping
It's from Ros
Two hours, two hours, and nothing. She hasn't replied
Ping
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Tomorrow
To: Christian Grey
Hi Christian
Thank you for the flowers, they are lovely.
No, I have made arrangements with my friends.
Thanks for the offer.
Anastasia Steele
Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor, SIP
No!
She said no. And what friends. I didn't know she has friends other than Miss Kavanaugh here. Is it a man? Like that fucker Jose. Bastard. You brought this upon yourself. You deserve this. Fuck.
What should I do now? Fuck. I am furious.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Tomorrow
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Anastasia
I am glad you liked the flowers. I didn't know you have friends here other than Katherine. I have already cleared my schedule for tomorrow so let me know if anything changes. I'll be happy to take you.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
I hope she doesn't take another two hours. To keep me distracted I fiddled with my little glider. Such a thoughtful gift. Who does that for me other than my family? Come on Ana I am dying here.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Tomorrow
To: Christian Grey
Umm… okay. I would like to see you. Yes, I can introduce you to my friends tomorrow.
Anastasia Steele
Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor, SIP
My heart leaped from my body. She wants to see me. Everything is not lost. Yes!
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Tomorrow
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Anastasia
What time shall I pick you up?
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Tomorrow
To: Christian Grey
Jose's show starts at 7.30. What time do you suggest?
Anastasia Steele
Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor, SIP
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Tomorrow
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Anastasia,
Portland is quite distant. I'll pick you up at 5.45. I am looking forward to seeing you
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Tomorrow
To: Christian Grey
See you then.
Anastasia Steele
Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor, SIP
Yes! I feel elated and free. I'll see her tomorrow. I called Welch
"I need everything you can dig on Jack Hyde"
"Sir"
I have to make her understand my issues. I can't bear to be touched. Will she understand? Will she still want me?
Oh, Ana…