Chapter ten

Tonight had been... Weird.

Fucking weird.

Fucking weird as hell.

And then some.

Ed hadn't been able to sleep.

...Or more like he hadn't dared fall asleep because he didn't want to risk getting any nightmares in full colour and clarity only to wake up to the black that was his world now. The one good thing when having nightmares was the relief when waking up and finding them to have been just that.

Now...

Now he'd wake up to find his world black and he'd be unable to shake the fright of the horrors haunting his dreams. And sometimes you were still so tired it was an effort to keep yourself from falling asleep again and then you'd get thrown right back into the nightmare.

Ed imagined being trapped inside a horrible nightmare loop because he couldn't open his eyes and it terrified him.

He already spent most of his time awake rewatching in his mind as he turned around after hearing the clunk, the shout of distress, the splash and then...

No! NONONONONONONONO! HE ISN'T COMING BACK UP! NO! NO! PLEASE!

And this had somehow ended up in the Colonel staying up with him the entire night and helping him learn braille from a series of easy-to-read children's books that Havoc had brought earlier.

Meaning that the two of them had been doing an all-nighter without questioning the other's motives while reading a whole braille collection about a puppy named Wally and what he liked to do, complete with usual words above the braille lettering in order for Mustang to tell Ed what they meant.

And Ed hadn't said a word of protest about it after Mustang's "I won't ask why you're staying awake if you don't ask me," because that would have been too embarrassing. Ed wasn't about to tell Mustang that he was like a little kid afraid of the bogeyman. After all, Ed couldn't and nor would he ever explain just what the nightmares were about and especially not when there were military strangers around them.

And so here Ed was: sitting on the passenger side next to Mustang, both of them exhausted, as they were driving to the house that they would be staying in until Mustang and the Hugheses found a larger one. After all, they would need rooms for three kids before too long.

A sudden horrible thought struck him. "Uh, Colonel? You said earlier you needed a house with enough rooms... So where am I gonna sleep until then? Do you have an extra guest room?"

"I don't. We've set up an extra bed in my room," Mustang said calmly.

"That's a joke, right?" Ed asked. He still felt he sort of owed him for his patience tonight no matter how stupid Wally was, so he gave him the benefit of the doubt.

"No. Maes and his family plus Alphonse will be staying in the guest room and there's plenty of space in my bedroom."

"But you have like a living room couch, right?" Ed asked. He wasn't going to be sharing a room with Mustang. No way in hell.

"Edward, you're blind and you don't know the outline of my house. I'm not going to have you sleeping on a couch on another floor. And lending you my room while I'm sleeping on the couch has the same problem plus there are now stairs involved."

Edward got his point, but it still didn't change things. Ed couldn't be sharing a room with Mustang. Never. He couldn't let anyone see just how bad his nightmares were. He couldn't let MUSTANG see him as he was thrashing around in bed and screaming for his brother or begging Mom to help him as he lay there clutching the flesh part of his left leg. Ed didn't even want Al to know about those, even if he saw... had seen... them often enough.

The thought of his brother not being there to shake his shoulder gently to wake him and ask him if he was all right once he was awake made his chest constrict with pain again and he unconsciously grabbed the front of his tank top as if that would make his suddenly limited ability to breathe better. As if that small gesture would help with the agony of losing his little brother. He couldn't let himself cry even more in front of Mustang. Ed didn't want to get even more into that weird territory and Ed wasn't sure if Mustang was going to hug him again if he cried. He was still confused by the Colonel. He didn't know what to do with him. Ed had seen... heard ... an entirely different side of him yesterday. If Ed hadn't recognised his voice, then he'd have thought it was an impostor.

Ed could hear Mustang move and he knew that he was about to grip his shoulder, so Ed scooted away and pressed himself against the car door. "Don't, Colonel. Just... Just keep both hands on the wheel."

Mustang sighed and Ed could tell he was putting his hand back on the steering wheel. Ed just kept himself pressed to the door and turned around, lifting his right leg onto the seat as his back leant against the door. Then he stretched out his leg so that his slippered foot crashed against Mustang's left thigh. Ed rather preferred that because it meant that he could keep Mustang at bay.

Mustang sighed again. "When we get home, I'll start filling the bath for you. Remember that you have to wait with washing your hair until after the bandages are removed tomorrow."

"Yeah, I get you," Ed said, his fears suddenly growing as it reminded him about the fact that the Rockbells would be arriving within a couple of hours. Ed didn't know what to say to them. It had been hard enough just to make the phone call yesterday, but meeting them? Meeting them as they saw what had happened... Letting them see just what he had done... Ed had got Al killed... He had lost his eyes... He was supposed to come back to them grinning broadly, waving at them with his right arm back in the flesh, Al walking beside him, marvelling at the smell of the countryside that he had missed so much. He had taken their family from them and broken his promise. "Who's gonna pick them up at the station? And are you sure that there's gonna be enough space for them to set up the equipment to fix the automail?"

"Hawkeye is going to pick them up, and yes, Edward, there is plenty of space in the basement once the bookshelves are moved."

Ed grunted and decided he didn't really want to discuss anything anymore because he was afraid that he'd start crying again.

Roy was just done filling the tub and laying out the towel and washcloth for Edward when there was the sound of swearing and nails scratching on the bathroom door.

Roy rushed over and opened the door to find Edward lying on the floor with an angry look on his face before he punched Roy in the shin. Roy stepped back with a hiss of pain, knowing that there would be a bruise. "What the hell are you doing?!"

Edward sat up and gave Roy the finger. "I'm not an invalid," he said as if it explained everything.

Roy felt his patience beginning to wear out. "Edward, I told you I would be right back, besides, weren't you talking to Hawkeye?"

"Yeah, and then the phone rang saying that the train had arrived early and Mister Hughes is in the basement and Mrs. Hughes is busy making quiche for lunch."

"So you saw it fit for you to potentially risk snapping your neck because you were impatient?"

"I wasn't risking anything! You had a banister, I had a leg and an arm, and I know damn well how to hop!"

Roy groaned, closing his eyes to stop himself from getting impatient as everything Roy seemed to say in those settings only seemed to be interpreted as a challenge. He took a deep breath. "Edward, please... You could have hurt yourself," Roy said, sitting down on the floor in front of him, hoping he would be less alienating as the kid seemed to instinctively dislike Roy even more every time Roy was being taller than him. Which was why he was always a lot cockier when Roy was sitting behind his desk and Edward was standing in front of him.

"I bet you'd like that," the boy mumbled grumpily.

Roy froze. "How can you even say something like that?!"

"Look at the trouble I'm causing you! I'm annoying and I'm in the way and you have to move and I am fucking up your life!"

Roy was getting worried. The kid might have shied away earlier in the car, but he'd been a lot less hostile since yesterday afternoon, but now it seemed like every piece of progress had been reset in just fifteen minutes. "Edward, what's going on?" Roy asked, forgetting all his exasperation in favour of being concerned by the abrupt change in behaviour.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me that the Hugheses are moving from fucking Central for this?!" Edward demanded. "And why the hell did you let them?!"

Roy swore inwardly. He had neglected to even consider that the boy would find it to be an issue or something that ought to be brought up at all.

"I would like object that that was my choice, Ed, and not Roy's," a familiar voice came from the hallway. "And you were wrong, not in the basement, I'm setting up Roy's room," Maes said as he came walking over and crouching down next to Ed who had frozen as Maes began speaking. "So please don't blame Roy as I accepted the transfer to East HQ about three hours before I even told Roy about it."

Edward seemed lost for words.

"So I suggest you take your bath while the water's warm and then we can have a talk about this later."