Chapter thirteen

Ed froze, realisation dawning on him. He had broken out into sobs right in front of the others. While he knew they were there.

...It just didn't feel like it. It didn't feel like there were anybody there other than Granny because of the hand on his collarbone between the automail and his neck as well as her smell. He quickly dried his nose on his hand, and upon realising just how much snot he had produced, he dried it on his boxers.

He had never felt more like a child. A toddler. Everyone else could see him. Everyone knew that he was snotty and knew that he had wiped his hand on his boxers and everyone else were probably looking straight at the no doubt glistening snot spot.

Everyone else were able to see him, but he couldn't see anything. It didn't feel real.

And now Ed was a snotty child that had just thrown his reputation out the window. He had sobbed in front of everyone. And he had no idea what to say because how could they have any respect for him when they were talking to a teenager with snot glistening on his hand?

Instead, Ed heard the sound of ripping plastic in front of him and then he heard approaching steps from his left. He knew who it was from the scent, because Winry was the only person he knew that smelt like flowery perfume and oil at the same time. He was expecting her to grab his stump and reposition it so that the spare leg could be reattached correctly. He did not expect her to grab his wrist and suddenly feel something like a moist tissue rubbing his hand clean. It did explain the ripping-plastic-sound a few seconds ago. "Uh, Winry?" Ed asked uncomfortably.

"Ed, just let us help," Winry said with a certain level of exasperation in her voice as she cleaned his hand and then Ed felt another wipe on his face and he was beginning to realise how much of a mess he'd made of himself when she began wiping his chin and cheeks too.

However, Ed was only aware of one thing. "Smells like butt."

Then came the horrible realisation. "Oh, hell no! Those are BABY wipes, aren't they?!" Ed said and reached out to push her away, only freeze as he realised that whatever he was pushing was much too soft and... and ROUND to be any part he should EVER touch. "GAAAH!" He pulled back his hand faster than it had ever moved before and felt heat rise to his cheeks as he put his arm around his head protectively as Winry stepped back.

Then Ed froze, because the grownups around him suddenly started laughing.

And damn it if he didn't feel the heat in his cheeks rise even more and yet he couldn't come up with a single reply. But at least Winry hadn't cracked his skull open with a wrench, so he guessed she knew it was an accident. "S-sorry!" was all he could say in his frozen state of utter embarrassment.

The laughter grew. "LET'S GET THAT LEG ATTACHED!" Winry announced loudly and Ed could hear just how embarrassed she was too and he knew that this was something they would never, ever, EVER mention again.

Ed was leaning his head in his lap, trying to hide his red face from everyone. He was mortified and he could still remember the feeling in his hand and that was worse because he didn't want to know that IT was fucking PLIANT.

"YEAH! ATTACHING THE SPARE SOUNDS PERFECT! GREAT IDEA!" Ed shouted, panicking, desperately hoping that people would just stop laughing, and especially Granny right next to him. And he could hear Colonel Bastard chuckling behind him and so was Mister Hughes and he could have sworn he heard a tiny giggle from Hawkeye even. "LET'S REATTACH IT RIGHT NOW!"

"YES!" Winry said equally loud, and it seemed that she too favoured the idea of making more noise than the laughing grownups around them.

And so she repositioned what was left of Ed's left leg and then he felt the pressure of the prosthetic being pushed into the port and the telltale click as it was locked into place. "BATHROOM!" she shouted as soon as it was in place and then she ran out of the living room.

Ed stood up quickly, figuring that escaping to the kitchen would be a good idea. Maybe he could sneak some food or something. "Have to walk around a bit to get used to it, you know!" he announced nervously, feeling dizzy from not seeing where he was putting his feet, but he still made his way forwards with small and uneven steps.

...For two steps before he felt a hand on his upper arm and he could tell that it was the Colonel. "Edward, you're going to fall if you do it this way."

Anger.

Great. Anger was a very good way to deal with this. "Get off! I can walk on my own now that I actually have a leg!"

The chuckling was dying down. That was good too.

"So, where were you going, then?" Mustang asked calmly, still gripping his arm.

"Kitchen! Now get off!"

"Then I'll follow you there."

Well, if Ed couldn't move and these perverts were done laughing anyways, then there wasn't much point in going with him. The womanising bastard was most likely going to make pervy jokes anyways and Ed did NOT want to have to listen to that while being guided through the house.

And so Ed instead turned around quickly and sat down in the sofa again and Mustang released him. Ed leaned his cheek in his hand instead as he heard Mustang sigh behind him before moving away and returning with the telltale scrape of a chair being dragged over.

Which came to a stop half a metre away from Ed's armrest and he realised that he was being guarded.

"Damn you, Colonel! You're fucking hovering over me! I'm not an invalid and I'm not some toddler, so stop acting like it!" Ed was getting extremely annoyed by Mustang. It was like he thought he couldn't be trusted to go anywhere on his own.

Granted, Ed had kind of fucked up at the hospital yesterday, but that was then and this was now.

Well, fuck it. If Ed was going to tell Mister Hughes, then he might as well get it over with to wipe the stupid smirks off of everyone's faces that he knew were there. And he'd do it before Mustang came up with another one of his bastardly replies. After all, Mustang hadn't stopped him earlier so Ed guessed he could trust Mister Hughes. "Water: thirty-five litres, carbon: twenty kilograms, ammonia: four litres, lime: one point five kilograms, phosphorus: eight hundred grams, sodium: two hundred and fifty grams, saltpetre: one hundred grams, sulphur: eighty grams, fluoride: seven point five grams, iron: five grams, silicon: three grams, and fifteen other elements in small quantities. You know what that is, Mister Hughes?" Ed asked, feeling the self-disgust grow.

"Edward, what are you talking about?" Mister Hughes asked almost warily. Ed could see how it was a rather abrupt change of conversation, but he didn't care. The laughter had died and that was all he wanted.

"That's the total chemical makeup of the average adult human body. Sounds easy, doesn't it?" Ed asked, some bitterness in his voice. For some reason, saying this in this way felt good. To actually be angry with himself for the crimes he committed and show it. No pity. Nothing. Just cold, hard facts like the scientist he was. Ed leaned back in the sofa, placing his arm on the armrest, claiming his space. Ed knew more than anyone here about this, and he wasn't going to say something this serious while looking like a nervous toddler.

"Edward..." Hughes began, but Ed could hear that he was beginning to put two-and-two together.

"Problem is, that list doesn't include a soul. Which makes it pretty useless when trying to bring someone back to life. Stupid mistake, right?" Ed said.

There was no sound. No reply.

"So yeah, there we were, me and Al, eleven and ten, and I was arrogant enough to think that a few drops of blood from our fingers was enough to pay for Mom's soul... Well, it wasn't, and so things went to hell and I found myself in a white void with a large gate and a creepy, white dude without eyes... well, didn't have eyes then ... who dragged me into said gate and stuffed my mind with the secrets of the universe and that is why I can perform transmutations without clapping. Then he took my leg, grinning, before slamming me back home, where I was quickly finding myself in a pool of my own blood and Al's clothes were lying there on the floor, but he was gone. Then I looked towards the middle of the transmutation circle to ask Mom for help, but what was lying there wasn't even human anymore, and then it too died, so I got Mom killed for a second time. And, yeah, I wasn't gonna be alone, so I wrapped my leg up and dragged my way over to a suit of armour in the corner of the room, tilted it on its back, drew up a blood seal with my own blood and clapped my hands, once again meeting that creepy dude that calls itself both "Truth" and "God", and it took my arm too in exchange for Al's soul."

Ed paused to give the others some time to think it over. Ed had said stuff he hadn't even mentioned to the Rockbells, but he found he didn't care. There was no way that they wouldn't find out once Ed couldn't stay awake any longer and his nightmares came, so there was no reason to pretend. Ed found he didn't really care anyways as he kept talking. Everything was numb. He didn't have a reason to care. Why should he? Al was gone. He might as well just let these people know once and for all how wrong they were. Ed was a shitty big brother. "So I bound Al's soul to the armour, trapping him in a living hell for the last two years, which is the only reason I joined the military because I was gonna get him his body back, and that plan too, of course, also went to hell when Al fell into the pool and it washed away the blood seal yesterday. So I drew up the transmutation circle all over again, and because Truth is a sadistic bastard and I was being too stupid to make offers that didn't include Al getting turned into a baby, it took my eyes too so that I'm not ever gonna see him again and he won't be the little brother I knew once he grows up..." Ed concluded. "So yeah, there you have it, Mister Hughes, I'm an arrogant brat that decided to play God not just once, but three times, and my little brother got to pay for it and now he's gone because of what I did." Ed suddenly began chuckling hollowly. "And now you've come all the way from Central to help a criminal who's already begun fucking up your life too. Congratulations, I suggest you leave while you still can," Ed finished.

He felt like screaming for some reason. He felt like pulling up the upholstery of the couch around him. Boiling anger was filling him and worst of all was that nagging thought "Why me? Why do I deserve this?"

Because Ed knew why. Ed knew that if there was one person in the world who deserved all this, it was him. But yet that childish thought kept intruding and he felt the anger building and he grabbed the armrest to try to keep himself from shouting.

Then he heard shuffling and quick footsteps and then an unfamiliar pair of strong arms were pulling him out of the couch and in his shock, he didn't even try to stop it because it was fucking Hughes who was hugging him this time. And it was weird, because unlike Mustang, this guy actually knew how to hug. "What the hell, Ed?!" the more-or-less stranger exclaimed, hugging him.

Ed didn't even know what to do right now. He was afraid to hurt him, so he couldn't fight him, and he didn't want to be impolite because this man wasn't a bastard.

Mister Hughes didn't wait for a reply. "What the hell did you say that for?! You can't honestly think that I'd be looking down at you for wanting to save your family?! That's the bravest thing I've ever heard!"

Well, fuck it... Ed wasn't going to even try to protest anymore. He didn't feel like doing or speaking or anything anymore. And he was damned tired and Mister Hughes seemed to be a pretty good pillow at the moment, so he really didn't see the point at staying awake now that they knew. He didn't care about anything and he didn't want to care.

Which meant that he didn't even bother to give him an answer because Ed was just done. Done with everything. He wanted sleep.

And so sleep he did.