Chapter twenty-one

Ed was relieved that the gift had worked out. He'd wanted it to be sort of like a serious joke, and judging by how Mustang had laughed and hugged him, he'd done well.

Which made him really relieved because buying gifts from shops you don't know to a person whose preferences you know nothing about when blind included a lot of variables that could make things turn out very differently from how you wanted.

So talking with Mister Morton had helped him a lot, and he had purposefully not asked for a receipt. After all, Mustang didn't need to know just how much that had cost. He wasn't going to spend a lot of money just to make Mustang feel guilty about every chocolate ball he ate.

Although he knew that Mustang was going to be a bit frustrated when he found out that Ed had bought him the hand-made service tray with the wooden carvings that were carefully hand-painted and depicting a birch in the sunset and that was ridiculously expensive, which was why Mustang hadn't bought it no matter how much he liked it.

Once that time came, Ed was going to be severely happy that he HADN'T kept the receipt. But thing was, Ed wanted to give Mustang a thoughtful gift and he might as well do it properly with everything that Mustang was doing for him and giving him while he had the chance. Also, Mustang was paying a ridiculous amount of money for his new automail. One ridiculous gift for another.

Equivalent exchange, in other words.

...But I'm making up for the rest with the affection behind it?

Ed just hugged him back. He didn't care if they were standing in the middle of a mall and with an unknown number of spectators. He didn't care because he didn't have a reason to. One thing was hugging your commanding officer, but this wasn't that. He wasn't Ed's CO, he was his adoptive father, meaning that hugs were kind of in the job description when buying expensive gifts in thanks and it just...

Well, he wanted a hug.

"Come on, Ed, let's go back home, the others are going to get worried if we don't get back soon."

"O-okay..." Ed said, feeling very awkward at the thought of what the Rockbells were going to think about this.

Well, screw it, we just got adopted by a guy who doesn't owe us anything...

And so he placed his hand on Mustang's proffered elbow, the older alchemist using his free hand to pull the cart.

The going, however, was slow due to the spare leg. There was the issue of balance paired with blindness and a missing arm, and Ed knew how people would be staring. He could imagine the small kids pointing and their mothers hushing them before they got to ask.

Ed felt increasingly nervous with each limping step he took forwards. Were the Rockbells going to think he was swapping them out? Was he rubbing it in their faces?

And news would be spreading quickly enough that the Elrics had been adopted by none other than Roy Mustang.

Ed still felt odd about that. Things had changed so much. He actually liked Mustang now. He was getting along with him. He was living with him.

And he had just been adopted by him.

And what would Mom have been thinking? Ed had got Al killed a second time. He had ruined Al's life. He had fucked up royally. And now he had chosen to be adopted by one of the State Alchemists from the war that had taken the lives of Auntie and Uncle Rockbell.

And yet he knew that Mom was so kind that she would just have been happy that they had someone to look after her sons.

His stomach clenched and the tears began pressing again.

"Mustang, are we far away from the car?" Ed whispered urgently. He needed to get away. He needed to be somewhere where it was safe to just be...

...To just be weak. Being strong had been reduced to some strange concept. A fairytale based on the illusion that was the Fullmetal Alchemist. Because Ed wasn't him anymore. He had been discharged from the military and had delivered in his pocket watch.

The Fullmetal Alchemist was dead. And he wasn't coming back.

"Not far, the doors are only twenty metres away from us and then the car isn't far away from that point on."

Ed felt another pang of grief at that. The car wasn't far away because two days ago, they had been given a sign to put in the front of the car. One that said that they were allowed to use the handicap parking. Ed was thankful that Mustang had actually told him that. Hadn't hidden it from him to spare his feelings or to not let him know that he was being marked as disabled. Ed had known that he had been so from the second he had been placed in the wheelchair after he lost his limbs. Without his automail, Ed was most definitely a cripple. It was what happened when you became a double amputee because you performed alchemy's greatest taboo. And now he was blind to boot, so it wasn't exactly surprising that they had been issued with that particular sign.

And so not being continuously told that they were lucky that there was a free parking space right by the front door actually helped what little there remained of his pride. He was grateful that Mustang actually respected him enough to tell him the truth.

Ed just nodded. He wasn't sure if he could keep himself from crying if he used his voice at this point.

Mustang helped him inside the car, placed the gift in the backseat and obviously had to transmute the cart to have enough room for it too. Then he sat down next to Ed and drew him in for a hug, which was the last thing that was needed for him to break down into sobs yet again. "It's all g-gone!" Ed gasped through his tears. "Al, my eyes, our plans for the future... All ... All gone!"

And so he just clung to the front of Mustang's waistcoat for the next ten minutes, before he had calmed down his sobs and was able to keep a normal conversation, albeit a croaky and emotionally exhausted one. "When we get home... Can we just sit with ... with Al for a bit?... I just... I just wanna touch him... You said that he clutches your fingers... I want... I'd like that..."

But he wanted that one thing. No matter how much it hurt, he wanted to be with his little brother because even if he didn't deserve being with him, then he wasn't going to let his little brother grow up with Ed avoiding him like it was Al's own fault that he died.

"Of course we can, Ed," Mustang said softly.

And so Ed pulled out of the hug slightly, before leaning down to feel around on the floor for the miniature tree so that he could support it with his legs again. He carefully pulled it towards him and made sure that it was pressed between his legs properly, checking that the prosthetic was in a good position. Then he sat himself back upright and leaned back, suddenly feeling Mustang put his arm around his shoulders, giving him a sideways hug. "You ready to go, Ed?"

Ed gave a single nod. "Yeah... Thanks..."

Mustang paused. "What are you thanking me for?"

Ed didn't really have a good answer. "I don't know, really... But I just felt like saying it... So I did."

Mustang sighed heavily, hugging him tighter to him. "Let's get you home, Edward."

"Mhm."

Mustang gave his shoulder a squeeze and pulled back to drive them back to his house.

It was about three minutes later that Ed spoke again, but it was more like a thought making its way out of his mouth without him actually planning to. "You... You're my dad." His voice was laden with the numb shock of the situation that he was going through. "...You're actually my... my dad."

"...Are you regretting it?" Mustang asked, his voice sounding level and calm, but there was a sort of scared kindness to it.

Ed paused. Was he? Was he regretting the fact that he had agreed to the adoption? Was he regretting the fact that from now on, Mustang was actually his parent?

"No... I don't regret it... I'm just... It's just... odd to think about... Me and Al... we're your sons now..."

"Ed, like I told you, if you don't want to think of me that way, then don't. You're not obliged to do or think anything that you're uncomfortable with. Just do what you'd like."

Ed thought for a bit. "Then I'd like to call you Roy. You're my legal dad, you're my guide dog, and so I'd like to call you something different than one of the two things I did when you were my CO." He sighed. "... Because things are... they're different... You... you're different... And Mustang is a bit impersonal... Too impersonal, I think... If it's okay with you, that is."

The older man sighed heavily. "Of course you can call me Roy, Edward. I've been thinking if suggesting it, but I was afraid that it would be uncomfortable for you."

"Oh... Then Roy it is..." Ed said. He felt weird. Everything was weird.

And so he leaned sideways to rest his head against Roy's shoulder. He felt so empty and full at the same time.

And he didn't really know what to do.

I'm blind...

"It's so dark..." Ed whispered. "Everything's black. It's gonna stay that way..."

"Edward, it will get better with time... And I'll be there to help you, I swear," Roy said soothingly.

Ed clutched his shirt sleeve in his hand, pressing himself into the contact of the touch. "...Roy?" His voice was a careful whisper.

"Yes, Ed?"

Ed tightened his grip. "...I'm scared."

When the Rockbells emerged from the basement, Roy was already sitting there with Maes and Ed, Maes holding Al, Ed pale while the small hand was clutched around his pinky, its owner sleeping.

Roy had a hand on Ed's shoulder, and on the table stood the chocolate dog, which Maes had taken about twenty pictures of at least when they brought it home with them.

Pinako Rockbell did not look pleased as she read the message. Winry, however, looked at it, then at Ed and Alphonse, and then she broke down into tears.

"W-Winry? Is that you?" Ed asked. "Is Granny with you too?"

"Yes I am, Edward. We didn't hear you come back, or we'd have talked to you sooner," the old woman said as softly as that voice could get, but also glaring at Roy with all of her unexpressed emotions. "So the adoption documents were in order?"

"Roy's got them, he can show you," Ed said quietly, obviously afraid of waking up his little brother.

She was definitely not impressed with Roy. And so he squeezed Ed's shoulder. "Hey, Ed, I think I and Mrs. Rockbell should have a word in private. I'll be back soon, if that's okay with you?"

Ed nodded. "Mhm... I... I'll use the time to get to know Mister Hughes better... I should do that anyways..." He bowed his head, but not in time for Roy not to see his lips trembling just slightly.

The old woman gave Roy a very stern look telling him to come with her right this moment, but Roy didn't feel right about it. He didn't want to leave Ed like this. For him to worry even more that his life was falling even farther apart at Roy's relationship with the Rockbells.

And so he leaned down, placing his hands at Ed's shoulders, before gently resting his chin on Ed's left shoulder, leaning his chest slightly against his back. "Ed, it'll be okay. We'll work this out, don't worry," he whispered soothingly. Then he gave Ed a quick kiss to the temple and gently stroked the boy's right cheek once, relieved to find it to be without tears. "I'll be back soon," Roy told him as he stood up and gave his shoulder a final squeeze, not sure if he had just dug his own grave or not as he walked over to the Rockbells.

"Roy?" Ed asked quietly, and he paused, turning back around to face him. He could tell that this was something that Roy and Roy only was supposed to hear, and so he leaned forwards and pressed his cheek to his without getting in the way of the hand that was being held by the sleeping infant.

"Yes, Ed?"

"You... You can tell Granny if you need to... I... I trust you... I trust you to know if she needs to know to... to accept you..."

Roy felt his stomach clench. "Edward, are you sure?"

"Mhm... Now go talk with her."

Roy cupped his cheeks. "Okay, Ed... I'll be back here soon."

Ed nodded and Roy stood up, before walking towards the old woman as Winry made her way to Ed's side. "How about we do this in the basement? The room's soundproof because I use the library for research usually."

Roy had to admit that Pinako Rockbell scared him. Had she been a martial artist, then Roy didn't doubt it that he'd have been lying on the floor with all his bones broken. At least her look seemed to suggest it.

She grunted and didn't move, meaning that she was obviously seeking to make him uncomfortable because he'd be walking with his back to her.

And so Roy walked ahead of her downstairs, hearing the old woman closing the door behind them as he made his way over to the corner where the armchair and the couch had been shoved against the wall. There had certainly been a lot of equipment that had been brought, and more importantly, sent from Rush Valley. The bill had been massive, that was for sure. This new type of automail was obviously not common, which was probably why it was so receptive to touch, compared to the normal kind of automail. But the bill was worth it as long as Ed could get back some of his mobility, especially as it would make them the most responsive limbs he'd had since he lost his original ones. Edward deserved a break, and if he could get it through his new limbs, then that was an expense that Roy was more than happy to pay.

He sat down in the armchair.

...The oldest Rockbell just stood with her arms crossed, looking disapprovingly at Roy from about three metres away. He could tell that there was no point in trying to tell her to have a seat. "Mrs. Rockbell, I know you're not happy with me, and that you don't find me fit to take care of the Elrics. I would actually have said that you were completely right if it wasn't for-"

"Suicidal ideation." Her voice was stern, but her eyes revealed her pain and grief.

Roy paused. "Mrs. Rockbell..." he began, trying not to divulge any information about Ed's current state of mind so soon. He told him to do so if it was necessary to earn the Rockbells' trust. But he'd rather not. He didn't feel right about discussing something so personal about Ed without Ed even being there. In a way it felt like they were talking behind the boy's back.

The old woman obviously read him correctly, though, and she continued talking. "Like I said, Edward isn't in a good place right now. And you've discovered it too. That's why you're his guide dog. Blindness has little to do with it, I could tell earlier today when he told us about your new role. It is far more metaphorical than it seems at first, but that is why he is so dependant on you. Right now he's fallen off a cliff and is desperately clinging to the person who grabbed his hand. But said person is currently lying flat on his stomach on top of the cliff and is struggling to pull him up. And it seems that there's nobody else who will come in time to save him, which is why he's putting his life in your hands... Am I wrong?"

Roy just stared at her. "I don't... I don't really want to discuss something like this."

"He's so protective of you because he's chosen you to save him. He's terrified of losing you because then he'll fall for good. Which is why I'm entrusting them to you. Edward needs you. If anyone else steps in, then it won't matter to him, because he chose you. So don't you dare try to back out of this now. You've chosen this path and you're damn well going to stay on it because I'm not losing both my grandsons, is that clear?! That's what this adoption is about, because you know what's going on with him. Which is why he was actually cleaner when he woke up today than he was when he met us yesterday right after bathing. Because you helped him. That's where all the things that caused this comes from. You took him sparring and then you helped clean him because you've seen how much he needs it. And you know what will happen if you stop. You've seen it yourself..." Then her eyes filled with even more stern pain. "That kid is too close to giving up."

Roy could only nod. Yes, he knew full well after listening to Edward tonight. "Which is why I adopted them so that I won't ever be forced to leave them. I'm keeping them, Mrs. Rockbell. I'm Ed's personal guide dog and I've been tasked with the job of leading Ed out of the darkest pit of hell because he can't see his way out of it. He chose to trust me, and I trust him, it's that simple. We give and we take from each other and I have earned his trust after all that shit I gave him for those ten months that he was under my command, which is far more than I'll ever deserve."

The old woman scoffed and shook her head. "You alchemists really put so much into that "equivalent exchange" of yours."

"No. This isn't it. I want to do this. It's that simple. I want to keep them. I want to take care of Ed and help him. I want to work hard towards one day earning that gift he bought me. I want to be one hell of a guide dog for Ed. That is all there is to it." He said it without even thinking about it before he spoke. It came naturally.

Mrs. Rockbell looked him up and down for a full minute of silence.

Then she sighed. "Good. Now go upstairs to your adoptive sons and take care of them. And send Winry back down here, we have a lot of automail to build.

Roy nodded and got to his feet, but he stopped walking at the top step of the staircase, and turned towards her. The old woman was already busy sorting wires. "Thank you, Mrs. Rockbell."

"It's Pinako," she said grumpily. "Now go get Winry, Roy."

"... Hey, Roy? ... There's... There's something I ... I want to talk with you about something..." Ed said quietly. The Rockbells had left and Ed was back in the bathtub, being scrubbed clean by Roy after having tripped in the kitchen and had then unknowingly fallen backwards into a bowl of homemade raspberry jam standing on the kitchen counter right before Roy could catch him.

Meaning that Ed had a lot of sticky jam that he needed to get out of the right side of his face, as well as part of his hair.

And just to really make the situation even better, it had been standing there because Gracia had been preparing to make a giant batch of cookies for tomorrow, planning to let them cool off during the night. However, she had needed a toilet break, meaning that there had been an open bag of flour that he had tipped over as he fell, landing in a way so that his plait swung up and the flour bag tipped over at the neck of his clothes, right in between his tank top and back.

Roy gently lifted his arm and Ed groaned, forgetting about his original plans for what he was going to say. "I've got flour in my armpit too?"

"Yes, some."

"And Mister Hughes is seriously buying flour at nine in the evening?"

"Yes."

"Can I pay him?"

"Nope."

"Can we split the costs between us?"

"No."

"Can you and me split the costs between us?"

"He won't let us."

Ed sighed. "Fine. Then we have something we need to do right now while he's away."

"And what is that?"

"We need to get me cleaned up and then you're gonna guide me through the kitchen as I make an omelette."

"You know how to make omelettes?" Roy was surprised, it was clear.

"Yes, I do. Mom taught me and I kept doing it ever since so I still know how to make it." And fact was, Ed was pretty damn proud of that omelette of his. "Because you told me the contents if your fridge earlier, and when we have leek, bacon, unused, already boiled potatoes, salt, pepper, cheese that we can grate, five eggs and cream, then we're good to go. Also, you make it in a pot. A non-stick one. It sounds weird and not so good, but using a pot instead of a pan makes it juicier, but it's of course still cooked all the way through. It's like a soufflé. You can make a three-egg omelette rise to about seven centimetres in height when it's done, but it deflates as it's removed from the heat. But instead of one centimetre, you get two as the finished result, and they're not dry."

Roy chuckled and then ruffled his hair. "Then we have a plan."

"Yeah."

And I'll talk about that thing later...

When they were done cleaning him, Ed found himself sitting on Roy's lap as the older alchemist helped him dry his leg while Ed fixed his shoulder port. There was something nice and safe about sitting here like this. To have that constant physical contact. That reminder that he wasn't alone in the room.

Because the darkness with what might as well be a disconnected voice gave him a very uncomfortable feeling of being in front of the Portal, but with the lights off.

But touch. The physical confirmation of other people's presence...

...That was safe.

But Roy was the only one who knew it. And Roy had guessed it without Ed saying anything at all.

And Ed loved this feeling of just being a child being held in a pair of big, strong arms.

...A child whose eyes weren't gone because people closed their eyes during hugs. And it felt so good to just pretend that that was all he was doing. Because it felt good to just not be in charge for once. To not be the one to fix everything. To just be held instead of always doing the holding.

...Because Ed couldn't really do the holding right now. He just didn't have the strength anymore.

But Roy was letting it be okay.

And so Ed just let him help drying the spare leg.

And fifteen minutes later, Ed discovered just how hard it was to make an omelette when blind and with two limbs down. Roy had to crack the eggs for him, but Ed did the salt and pepper because he did that intuitively. As long as he knew the size of the eggs, the glass bowl and the amount of bacon, then blindness wasn't much of an issue. Cutting and frying the bacon was. As well as the leek. But Roy followed his orders.

And Mister Hughes was almost swooning at the "cuteness" of it all.

Which meant that when bedtime came, Ed was properly fed as they had eaten it on top of Mrs. Hughes' homemade bread, and he had to admit that the two worked together well. She was also highly intrigued by the unusual way of cooking it in a pot, but Ed was happy with the results.

"Well, Ed, I get what you meant by "juicy"... I think I'll use that trick in the future," Roy said contentedly from over by his own bed.

Ed smiled weakly. "Good. I'll ask Granny to mail us Mom's old recipe book, Mrs. Hughes is good enough of a cook to actually make them right." Ed hugged his sheep to him under the duvet. He hadn't told Roy, but he had named the sheep Arnold. It was a good name for a sheep.

"That sounds like a plan."

They stayed in silence for the next two minutes or so, and Ed could tell that Roy was waiting for him to decide whether to tell him what he had been planning to say earlier.

And so Ed sighed. "Roy?... Could I tell you something? ...Something that I want you to promise you won't tell anyone?" he whispered.

"Of course, Ed," came Roy's soft voice.

Ed took a deep breath, hugging his sheep to him. "You... You should know that you saved my life twice when you showed up in Resembool," Ed whispered.

He could tell that Roy had stiffened. "What do you mean, Ed?"

Ed felt his chest constrict. "I... I was planning to do another transmutation... To give up my body and soul for Al's... I just needed to get my strength back first so that I'd have the energy to perform it safely. I know you blame y-yourself for what happened... That you feel guilty for recruiting me... But you saved my life by doing it... Had you walked away that day... Then I... I would have left my b-brother in a body that would have made him s-sick because it was a constant reminder that I'd sacrificed myself for it... One way or other, I'd have trapped my l-little brother in a hellish body... I-I'm glad I didn't put him th-through that... Because I found out later that Al b-blamed himself too for the... the transmutation... I wasn't the only one who thought we ... that we k-killed Mom a second time... Which means that I'd have left A-Al thinking he... he k-killed me too." He felt tears streaming just as Roy got up from his bed and strode over. "Th-thank you... for giving me something else..." he whispered as Roy knelt down in front of him.

Ed expected a hug.

He didn't expect Roy to lift him under the back and knees and hold him close to him. "Come on, you're sleeping with me tonight."

Ed reached up and placed his hand on Roy's cheek, feeling the way his face was that of a man trying to stay strong and take care of others. Ed felt even more tears stream down his own cheeks. "Thank you..." he whispered.

"You shouldn't thank me, Ed."

"I still feel like it..." His voice was shaky, his lips trembling.

Roy squeezed him tighter and then lowered him onto the bed before climbing in himself, pulling the duvet over them both as he lay down. Then he pulled Ed tightly to him with a heavy sigh.

Ed just hugged him back and began crying loudly again.

And please, please, please keep reviewing!

(But no flames)