So I'm back after my writer's block!
And I'm also planning to re-edit the previous chapters so as to improve the flow of the writing and fix up some mistakes that I've noticed when re-reading it.
And please leave reviews, but as always, no flames because they can be really discouraging ;)
Chapter twenty-five
...I am technically a father.
...I am legally a father.
...Because I have adopted a couple of children.
...And it frightens me and makes me ... kind of? happy at the same time.
...And I am legally a father.
...What have I done?
Roy felt dazed where he sat in front of the bath in only his boxers. Edward was sitting inside the it, the water slowly rising around him. Which was why Ed's prosthetic leg was currently lying on the floor to Roy's right per Winry's instructions, as it had to do with automail maintenance. It was just easier to prevent any excess water to get into the port when the prosthesis had been fully detached. Showers were one thing, but fully submerging both the prosthesis and the port for a longer time wasn't recommended.
And Ed had wanted a bath and a regular prosthesis didn't cause any pain when being reattached.
And so Roy was the one who had showered first today so as to make the boy less uncomfortable about how Roy smelt... Seeing as how he had slept under a blanket with another person and thereby produced a fairly decent amount of sweat. Edward had the advantage of a couple of cold metal ports to cool him down somewhat. Plus, he couldn't actually produce sweat from his right armpit like he did with his left. After all, the aforementioned armpit was partially missing, meaning that leaving the remainders fully capable of the normal teenage stench production was a bad idea.
...After all, it was covered by protective plating and would begin to reek.
And so Ed was sitting with his back to Roy as he gently massaged his back with a flannel. A luxurious flannel. The softest flannel Roy had ever been in contact with. And Roy had had Hawkeye buy it for him yesterday because...
Roy didn't really know. He just wanted to make the kid comfortable.
And he had made a conscious decision to not wear anything but his boxers because whenever Ed needed a hug...
...Roy just wanted to make Edward feel safer. Because he trusted Roy. He needed Roy. And when stripped of his vision, Ed had three senses left that were acceptable; touch, sound and smell. And Ed felt safer and calmer when he had all three available from Roy. Which meant that offering Ed more of the scent that gave him a sense of belonging to his surroundings, was something that Roy wanted to give him.
He didn't exactly know why he did it, but Roy suddenly leant forwards and hugged Ed's back to his chest. Then he pressed his left cheek to Edward's right one.
"Roy?" came the confused reply to his actions, Ed's cheek moving against his as he spoke.
"I just felt like it, I suppose... Because you're not the only one who's scared." Roy had decided that telling the boy the truth was the only approach that he was certain of. Edward Elric trusted him when he was at the most vulnerable time in his entire life. Lying to him when Ed was blind, felt like he was taking advantage of him.
"What... What do you mean?" There was a lot of uncertainty in the young alchemist's voice as he spoke.
Roy sighed, hugging him tighter. "I mean that I adopted you and Al two days ago, and I have no clue about what I am supposed to do with that. Continuity is a blessing and that... Well, it has been thrown out the window in a very short amount of time... I think none of us really know what to expect... And that scares me. I've had my future planned out for me ever since I came back from Ishbal. And now, I am suddenly faced with a much more uncertain future... Because things that I never expected to change, have suddenly done so drastically."
"...I-I'm sorry, Roy," Ed whispered. "...If I had just listened to your orders then -"
Roy interrupted him by pressing a kiss to his cheek. He wouldn't have done it usually, that was for certain... But Ed... This small, broken, devastated child in his arms... Roy just wanted to shower him with affection. To let him know that he was worth it. That he deserved it. That his life mattered.
...Because Roy had been entrusted with this child. And how could he not want to help him? To care for him? When he knew how Ed had been just a week ago? When the boy had had his eyes burning with fire... Had been confident and laughing and the stubborn-headed brat who would insult Roy without fear and had no qualms about doing so... Had been wearing his leather trousers and boots and red coat and just had a kind fierceness practically glowing around him...
...And now there was just.
This.
Just the small, vulnerable child in his arms. The fight had left him. The fire had been extinguished.
And it hurt him to see Edward this way.
Roy made a split-second decision and released Edward, most likely hurting him a lot emotionally. But then he climbed into the bath next to him, crossed his legs and then pulled Edward on to his lap. Ed didn't say anything about what Roy had just done, and Roy just held him tightly to him. He rested his face on the top of Ed's head while speaking softly into the golden locks. "Edward, being scared of the consequences of my actions is not the same as regretting what I did." He wanted to hug Ed to him properly, but pulling him out of the bath just so that Roy could get soaked anyways and they'd both end up shivering, was stupid.
The boy just sat there, looking pale, those wretched, eyeless pits still making him queasy. Because it all looked so wrong. Even with the implant and the conformer over it.
Because Edward Elric was blind. The boy would never get to see again. Roy could do nothing but imagine how hellish it must be for him.
...All he knew, was that it made a lot of sense for him to want to hold this child close. To help him.
"...You... You've adopted us..." came Edward's stunned whisper. Roy didn't blame him for being at least slightly overwhelmed by the fact. To feel numb. Scared. And to have trouble with comprehending it. Because Roy was definitely feeling that way.
...Because he had adopted a couple of children. As of now, he was a single father.
He moved his right hand so that he could stroke the young boy's cheek with his thumb. "Yes, and I don't regret it, Ed."
Ed pressed himself into Roy's chest at that, hugging his arm around his waist, his voice shaky. "Th-thank you."
Roy just rested his right cheek on top of Ed's head, still stroking his cheek with his thumb. "Thank you, too, Ed... For trusting me like this."
Ed just sat there, leaning into the embrace, trying to keep the sobs back. He was so tired of crying. His face was so sore from it. Roy had even needed to use a decent amount of face cream for extra sensitive skin around Ed's mouth and under his nose before going to bed. Everything was just red and sore.
...At least it was logically that colour.
And speaking of the adoption brought an idea to his mind. One that he had been contemplating for the past two days.
"Roy?" Ed asked weakly, pulling his hand to him and slowly feeling his way up to Roy's right cheek. Doing it too quickly would probably yield the same results as last night. Because Ed had found that he had been happy just to lie there, hugging Roy, without having a session with the brain-numbing dog. But he had wanted to make sure that it had been okay with Roy too. And so he had been pretty nervous and had acted too quickly...
...And had ended up having accidentally shoved his thumb into the corner of Roy's mouth, startling the both of them as Ed's thumb had gone straight in between Roy's lips. But Roy had agreed to it and had just hugged Ed tightly until their dinner had been brought to them.
But now Ed was afraid of accidentally hurting Roy by partially or completely missing his target.
The thumb on his cheek paused in its gentle stroking. "What is it, Ed?"
Edward suddenly found his chest constricting a lot as a lump in his stomach grew enormous. "Can I... Can I...?" He swallowed loudly, trying to keep his voice steady, although it only came out as a shaky whisper. "...Can I take your... your name?"
He could feel the way Roy's entire body tensed, and he got a bad feeling. Roy was obviously not keen on that idea. "Ed, why would you want to do that?" He didn't sound like he thought Ed was being stupid, but more like he was horrified by the thought.
Ed both wanted to read Roy's face with his hand, but also make himself as small as possible... Less demanding in a way.
And so he pulled his hand to his chest as well as his leg, but still leaning into Roy's chest, still feeling the warm arms hugged around him. His lips began to tremble, and he swallowed again. "Because I'm... I'm not Edward Elric any more... He... He was the Fullmetal Alchemist Edward Elric... I-I'm famous for someone that I'm not... And I don't really know who I am any more... Because I'm not..." Ed clenched his fist in an attempt at stopping his tears. "...Edward Elric could see and had a little brother who was one year younger than him... He was gonna get his brother his body back and return to Resembool, smiling... He was gonna see Winry cry like a girl when that happened..."
Ed pressed himself further into Roy's chest. "P-please, Roy... I don't... I'm not..." Tears began running down his cheeks. "I don't wanna pretend to be whatever I was before... I don't feel like it and I don't wanna... I'm gonna spend the rest of my life in d-darkness... I'm never gonna be the same Edward Elric ever again... I just... I told you yesterday... I feel broken, Roy... I'm broken and there are too many missing p-pieces to put me back together again..." Ed bowed his head, his lips trembling even more as he sniffed. "...Roy, I'm not the same and I'm never gonna be the same... I need... I need to find out who I am, and I c-can't... I can't stand the thought of having to constantly not live up to everyone's expectations... I just wanna be me."
Then frustration exploded in his chest. "DAMMIT! WE BOTH KNOW THAT I'M TOO FAR GONE! ...THAT I'M TERRIFIED AND EVERYTHING HURTS LIKE HELL EVERY DAMN SECOND! I DON'T LIKE TO SLEEP ON MY OWN, AND IF I DO, I HAVE MY PLUSH SHEEP NAMED ARNOLD HUGGED TO ME! AND AL'S GONE AND OUR DREAMS ARE GONE AND I HAFTA TAKE FUCKING PILLS SO THAT I WON'T HAVE TO DREAM AT NIGHT! BECAUSE ALL I GET ARE NIGHTMARES! AND EVEN WHILE I'M AWAKE, IT DOESN'T FEEL MUCH DIFFERENT BECAUSE IT'S JUST AS BLACK AS IT WAS BEFORE! SO I DON'T WANNA PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE THAT I'M NOT! I DON'T WANNA BE FAMOUS FOR BEING SOMEONE WHO'S DEAD! BECAUSE IT'S ALL GONE, DAMMIT! EVERYTHING I WAS! AND I DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE IT IF EVERYONE'S GONNA EXPECT ME TO BE SOME GRAND, AMAZING, ALCHEMIC PRODIGY WHO IS BRAVE AND STRONG! BECAUSE I'M NOT! MY STRENGTH FELL INTO THAT POOL WITH AL, AND LIKE HIM, IT DIDN'T COME BACK UP AGAIN! I DON'T WANNA TRY TO BE LIKE THAT! BECAUSE I'M NOT THE FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST! I'M NOT THE STRONG KID WHO MANAGED TO GO THROUGH AUTOMAIL SURGERY AND REHABILITATION FOR TWO LIMBS IN JUST ONE YEAR! BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A REASON TO REPEAT THAT! I DON'T WANNA BE ALONE! I DON'T WANNA BE LEFT IN CHARGE OF ANYTHING! I JUST WANNA BE HELD AND BE SCARED AND DAMN WELL CRY BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS AGONY! AND I CAN'T BE THAT WHEN MY NAME IS EDWARD ELRIC! I DON'T WANNA BE HIM! BECAUSE I JUST WANNA BE A CIVILIAN WHO IS BEING LOOKED AFTER BY ADULTS! I DON'T WANNA BE STRONG, BECAUSE I NEED TO BE WEAK IF I AM GONNA MAKE IT OUT OF THIS! I DON'T WANT THAT PRESSURE! I NEED A BREAK, ROY! PLEASE!"
Ed had snot and tears going down his face and he was breathing heavily, hs lips quivering...
...And yet Roy wasn't speaking. He didn't say anything.
Then the now familiar, strong arms tightened around him as Roy pressed his lips to his forehead. Ed just pressed himself even further into him, speaking with a croaky whisper. "Please, Roy... Please."
Roy was finding himself walking through the corridors of Eastern Command Centre once more. Ed was limping next to him, his left hand on Roy's right elbow. The kid was currently wearing a dark grey sweatshirt with matching sweatpants. The sunglasses were back on and the leather boots too. Roy had gone with his grey trousers, matching waistcoat, white shirt and black coat.
Understandably enough, they were getting a fair few curious looks.
Roy still felt odd. After Ed's outburst, he had been unable to just say no. If this could help the kid feel less pressured by those around him... Less like he was failing everyone's expectations, then that was a good thing. And it had all been born out the conversation that they had had the day before.
...But the fact that the two of them were now heading in the direction of the stairs.
...After having gone to General Grumman's office so that Edward Elric could become Edward Mustang... It felt so wrong. So very wrong.
But they had decided to do it the same way as with the adoption. Quick, and with signing the documents and having them approved in General Grumman's office. Just so that Edward wouldn't have to spend about two to four weeks, worrying, waiting.
All because Ed couldn't see those around him, which made it so much harder for him to be certain that they weren't disappointed by him. And Roy could understand Edward's wish about having a name that carried no fame.
...One that only belonged to a civilian.
And with all that had happened, being Edward Elric was in many ways just mocking the boy. It was cruel.
...Because a few months ago, Edward had earned himself the unofficial title of the "Hero of the People", and it had already begun spreading through Eastern Command.
When they had arrived downstairs this morning, Teacher had been in the garden with Maes, training him instead. The Rockbells had been in the basement and Gracia had been in the kitchen with the babies and Sig. And the fact that Maes was the one being trained, made it clear that everyone had heard Ed's outburst. And that everyone had decided to not take up neither Roy's nor Ed's time unless they sought the others out.
But Roy still had a bad feeling about all this.
And Edward had now taken Roy's name. Not added it to his own. Like "Mustang" was his new life. The life spent in never-ending darkness. But Ed had said something surprising: having taken Roy's surname had also been symbolic. Because to Ed it meant safety and that he wasn't alone. That the other Mustang was the one who cared for him, rather than Edward Elric being on his own as the oldest. He still loved his mother, but he had said that "Edward" was her suggestion, and so he wasn't discarding her.
...He was just being freed from his thoughts of not being good enough. And no matter what Roy would tell him to the contrary, Ed would probably always feel that way. So now the kid seemed a bit less burdened. At least Roy hoped so. It might just be wishful thinking. But he was still afraid that Ed would come to regret it. But if it did, then he could just change it again. Whether he wanted to add the Elric part or remove Mustang, then Roy wouldn't blame him.
"Hey, Roy?" Ed asked quietly.
Roy looked down at him, his voice gentle. "What is it, Ed?"
"Could we go s... meet the others before heading back home?"
Roy paused. He hated those moments when Ed would stop himself from saying that word. Roy had never thought about it before; just how many times the word "see" actually came up in normal phrases, not just as the verb mid-sentence. "See you later", "I see", "I'll be seeing you", "see you soon", "let's go see them", "seeing as how..." All those had been given an almost taboo-like status, and there were many more. "To keep an eye on" something or someone, was probably going to make Roy want to punch whomever would be the one who said it.
He turned around and gave Ed a brief hug, having made sure that there weren't anyone else in the corridor at that moment. He pulled back after about five seconds, not wanting to push his luck as anyone could have come walking around the corner at any moment.
"Of course we can, Ed. You ready to get going?" Roy told him, gently squeezing his shoulder.
His question was answered by a couple of nods. "Mhm." Then Ed resumed his grip on Roy's elbow and they began walking again, their progress slow because of Ed's prosthesis.
Roy gave him directions and descriptions whenever Ed requested it, and they found themselves outside the door to the outer office. "Okay, Ed, we're here." He still kept his voice gentle and calm, giving Ed the opportunity to change his mind.
He did not expect Ed to hug Roy's arm to him and press it to his cheek. "Thank you, Roy... For... For letting me do this... For everything that you're doing... You... You don't owe me anything... I don't even know why you're doing all of this for us..." Ed whispered.
Roy paused slightly. Ed was technically right... Roy was doing a lot of things that weren't even remotely required of him.
And so he sighed. "Because we humans are odd beings that do odd things... And sometimes we just want to do things that are found completely illogical to someone else... And then we have that brilliant explanation consisting of "I just felt like it," which I would say counts in this case too." Roy didn't want to turn around because it might make Ed uncomfortable about how he was hugging Roy's arm from the side. "And often it's just what happens when you care about someone... So don't worry about it, Ed... After all, it's my honour to be your Miniature Pinscher."
Although Roy still had a hard time believing that he had a signed document stating that the boy clinging to his arm was not just his adoptive son, but had also taken his surname.
He didn't really know what he was doing any more. He was supposed to be the notoriously womanising bachelor of Eastern Command...
...And now he couldn't exactly see himself going on a date any time soon.
Less than a week. It had all happened in less than a week.
What the hell have I done?
And yet he couldn't imagine himself not doing this for Ed. He couldn't imagine himself just leaving the kid with someone else. Because Ed had chosen Roy.
...Roy had chosen to do something for Ed, something that had in turn resulted in Ed choosing Roy.
Which meant that while Roy had been given a gigantic responsibility, he couldn't help but feel touched by it.
Although the fact that once Ed was doing better...
...Roy had a damned infant to raise.
Ed sniffed, and Roy produced a handkerchief from the pocket of his waistcoat, gently holding it to Edward's nose. He did as silently ordered, releasing Roy's arm, and Roy folded the now spent piece of fabric and stuffed it inside his coat pocket. "...Thank you, Roy..."
The older man just ruffled his hair and squeezed his shoulder. "Don't worry about it, Ed... Now are you ready to go inside, or have you changed your mind?"
Ed shook his head. "No, I'm..." then he walked forwards and began searching for the doorknob. It was one of those moments where Roy knew that Ed needed to do this on his own. That Roy would be delivering a substantial blow to what little there was left of his pride if he interferred.
It didn't change the fact that Edward was Edward Mustang.
And Roy had to admit that he was honestly relieved beyond compare that the Führer had chosen to appoint him their guardian. Because no matter how bad a choice Roy was, he couldn't help but think that many others wouldn't have been able to get through to Ed...
...Which meant that Roy didn't really want to think about just where Edward Elric would have been now without him. Because either Ed would have been shouting angrily at everyone and everything.
...Or would have reached his breaking point and not have had anyone to be his guide dog.
And now Roy was his legal father.
His adoptive father.
And so he had no idea what he would have done without the Hugheses.
Ed found his target and turned the doorknob, and they soon found themselves in the doorway. They were immediately receiving a large amount of confused looks.
"Hi..." Ed said awkwardly, giving the room's occupants a weak wave... "I just wanted to drop by and say hello..."
Lieutenant Hawkeye was their great saviour. "Well, Edward, it's just the usual five of us here, so I suggest we all have an early lunch. I'll go buy some Xingese takeaway, so everybody chip in."
"No, I've got it," Ed said abruptly, pulling out his wallet and throwing it in Hawkeye's direction. The kid still had a good aim, and Hawkeye was Hawkeye and caught it deftly.
Everyone stared at the kid. But nobody wanted to get into a pointless argument with Ed that would probably serve to make him feel like he was being pitied.
"Wow, thanks, Chief... But don't you want to spend your money on something else?" Havoc asked.
Edward shook his head. "No... I mean... You guys are welcoming me with open arms even after... After all this..." His voice turned quiet.
...Even pleading.
"So please just... Just order whatever you want, don't worry about the money... I... I'd like us all to have a bit of a feast... So if you guys don't order all that you'd like, then you're not..." His voice went from slightly threatening to defeated, and Roy could see just how heartbreaking that was for the others to both hear and watch. "Just please... Please don't try to be... Polite or whatever just 'cos... 'cos..." His lips began trembling and a tear ran down his cheek.
Everyone turned even paler. Even Breda's usually lax manner had turned into a state where he looked like he was telepathically begging Ed not to cry.
Roy made a split-second decision and simply picked Ed up in his arms and carried him over to the sofa. Then he sat him down on his lap and hugged him tightly.
Nobody seemed to know what to do at that moment. Roy wouldn't have done it if it hadn't been for the fact that the rest of the team had seen Roy hug a sobbing Ed once before. And Ed just pressed himself to Roy's chest, tears going down his cheeks in full.
And so Roy just hugged him, closing his eyes with a heavy sigh.
"Would it be all right with you if I removed the sunglasses?" Roy asked from where he was sitting on the couch, Ed lying next to him with his head on Roy's lap. The boy's face was turned towards the others, Edward having curled up slightly after stuffing his stomach with large amounts of food before promptly falling asleep. That had been about five minutes ago now. An so he was currently breathing softly, while Roy gently and automatically stroked his hair with slow and soothing motions. "They're not exactly meant for sleeping and it creates a lot of discomfort for when he wakes up." His voice was soft as he spoke, trying to keep Ed calm in his sleep.
The rest of the team were looking slightly like they thought Roy was possessed. Even Hawkeye seemed just a tad bit unsure. And so Roy just sighed, still keeping up his gentle tone and his soothing stroking of Ed's hair. "Yes, I know, I seem like I'm not really myself... But Ed needs me to be this way... He needs me to... Well, to be-"
"He needs you to be his parent." It was Breda who spoke. He he looked both shocked, sad and grumpy.
Roy looked down at the kid in his lap, still feeling that soft hair flowing between his fingers. His hair tie was already lying on the table so as to free it. "I think so, yes... But who can blame him? After everything that has happened to him... He's still only thirteen. He's just a damn child, and now he has lost his only family and then his eyes to boot..." Roy looked at the others, feeling a bit bad about his question. "You know what, I'll just turn him towards me, it's not exactly pretty..."
"It's okay, sir," Fuery suddenly said, looking sorrowful. "He's injured... We don't want to cause him even more pain..."
"Besides, sir, having him be comfortable with being around other people, even if his eyes are gone, is only good for him..." Breda added. "And I think it's good for us to be comfortable around him too."
Roy could see that the others definitely didn't look comfortable about it at the present time, so it was a good thing that they were at least done eating. And, understandably enough, they were also looking just a bit curious. That was just how humankind worked. Roy too had been curious as to what Ed looked like underneath the bandages a few days ago. It was frustrating, though, looking at the missing eyes while Edward couldn't see what had happened to his face himself.
And so he gently removed the sunglasses from Ed's face, and the way that those eyeless pits were partially open, still made him feel sick. He could see the horror and nausea in the faces of the rest of them too. And the slight confusion because it sort of looked like there was a blurred, smaller eye between the eyelids, but without the pupils and irises. "That's the plastic conformer you see underneath there... It's like a shell over the artificial eyeball... The muscles that control eye movement are sewn shut over the orbital implant, and then the ocular prostheses will be fitted over the conformer..."
Roy remembered telling the doctors that Edward's eyes had been gouged out that way through alchemy. It really hadn't looked like it had been done by human hand, especially when it had been as an unknown torture technique. The lie had been believable, especially when the people involved had apparently been capable of turning Al into a baby. The criminals that Ed and Al had been fighting, had been relieved that they were in many ways getting off the hook somewhat. And their dead accomplices were accused of committing the worst crimes. They had thereby been able to claim to have no knowledge of what said accomplices had done as none of them were alchemists themselves.
And the chances of them otherwise being tortured for information had been completely discarded. And they were also gullible enough to believe that the official story was actually true. They had been unconscious when the transmutation had happened and they hadn't known the others well enough to tell if they had been able to do something like that.
And so said criminals were just happy that they could claim to not know anything about the actual harming of the State Alchemist. They had therefore been given life in prison, rather than being sentenced to death. Edward had found some comfort in that. He had no interest in having his previous title warrant people to be executed. The kid would have felt guilty about it for the rest of his life had it happened. And so Ed had testified to that the three that Lieutenant Hawkeye had shot, were the ones that had done those things to Al and himself.
The others were looking pale. Then the Lieutenant spoke up. "Sir... The one that caused Alphonse to fall into the pool was found today in his cell, having hung himself... He was overcome by guilt and thought that it would be better that the Elrics got some justice for what he had done. At least that was what he told the one in the cell next to him. The other prisoner had shouted for the guards, but they came too late."
Roy paused, and then he sighed. "Thank you for telling me, Lieutenant." He focused his attention back to the sleeping boy, gently patting his head again, having placed the sunglasses next to the hair tie. The hand that wasn't patting Ed's head, was on the boy's shoulder, squeezing it gently.
They hadn't told the others yet. Roy had a feeling that that was why Ed had let himself fall asleep, leaving it to Roy to tell them. "But I think you should know the reason why we came in today... It's not like you wouldn't find out anyways..." Roy sighed heavily once more, still just looking down at the small boy that was currently using his lap as a pillow. He gently moved his hand to instead carefully cup his cheek and stroke it with his thumb. "Ed's a civilian now, and he's still famous, and, understandably enough, not too interested in keep on being known as the Hero of the People... Or to have his name so quickly recognised after what happened... You can imagine how much pressure it puts on him, feeling like he either needs to try to be what the Fullmetal Alchemist was known for... Or otherwise be feeling like he's letting everyone down by not living up to his own legend... So we just came from General Grumman's office." Roy looked back up at the others. "Because it's Edward Mustang from now on."
Everyone just stared, somehow managing to pale even more. Roy couldn't help but notice that Havoc had even left his cigarettes on his desk as soon as they had entered the office.
"I'm not particularly fond of it," Roy began. "...But it brings him some peace of mind, and that's really all that matters."
Falman sighed at that, his usually unreadable features suddenly revealing a lot more emotion than Roy had ever seen. And that emotion was sadness. "If you don't mind me saying so, sir... I think it was a good decision..."
Ed suddenly began mumbling in his sleep, frowning, and Roy got a bad feeling. He immediately lifted the boy up in his arms and carried him into the inner office. He didn't need to tell the others that Ed was having a nightmare. The rest of the team may get to know about some of it, but the nightmares and the prescription for them weren't something that Roy would tell them. Not when Ed couldn't even give his consent.
"ALPHONSE!"
"EDWARD, WAKE UP!"
Ed woke with a gasp.
At least he thought he did.
He was panting and he was sweating and more conscious of his surroundings...
But everything was black and...
Someone grabbed his wrist as he moved to open his eyes.
...My eyes.
Ed froze. That was right... His eyes were gone, completely gone... He was blind.
...And Al was gone.
His stomach dropped.
Only then did he notice the tears going down his cheeks and he choked back a sob.
"Just breathe, Ed... Just breathe..." came a soothing baritone voice that he knew quite well. And it smelt like the office...
...Why's the Colonel hugging me?
And yet Ed was instinctively pressing himself to his chest and...
Everything slammed into him.
"Roy? Are the others...?" he whispered, his voice shaky and he was barely repressing a new full-on round of sobs.
Why does it have to hurt so much?
Because it did. All the time.
Ed was hugged closer to Roy's chest, and he just sank into it. "No, Ed... We're in my office, we're the only ones here. Don't worry."
Ed tried to figure out just what that meant, and he paused. "But I fell asleep around the others, so when...?" Realisation struck him. "You brought me here because of my nightmare... So... So they know that I..."
"They know that I carried you inside here because you were getting a nightmare..." Then Roy sighed. "And they probably heard you shout for Al just now... I'm sorry, Ed... I shouldn't have let you fall asleep when I knew that you were likely to get a nightmare because of what we had been talking about..."
Ed just shook his head. "It's not your fault, Roy... You know... You know how much sleep I'm getting at night... Even if I-I've slept better tonight because of the pills..." He began to move off of Roy's lap, even if he really just wanted to stay there in the embrace. "They... I should go tell them that I'm o-" Ed clenched his fist. He wasn't "okay". He had never been less so. "...That I'm not sobbing... So where are my sunglasses?"
"They're back in the outer office. I removed them while you were asleep so that you wouldn't have them compromising your comfort. They didn't mind... I think in a way it actually helped that you didn't have them on. So that your face doesn't become something that needs to be covered up. Because they care about you, Ed."
Ed froze. He couldn't be angry with Roy... Not when everyone had gained something from it.
And so Ed got off of Roy's lap and let him guide him out into the outer office again, feeling increasingly nervous.
And like he wanted to just curl up in Roy's arms and not leave this office at all until everyone else were gone for the day.
But he made his way towards the adjacent room and opened the door.
"Uh, hi... So... So I'm awake now... Sorry if I worried you..." Ed told the room at large.
"We don't blame you, Chief," came Havoc's voice. "In fact, it gave us enough time to set up a round of poker. So how about you and the Colonel work together?"
Ed paused, considering it for about half a minute.
...Then he wiped his tears away, making a small smile. "Yeah... That sounds really good... Thanks."
So, I've decided to start responding to all reviews here in the author's note from now on :)
Minifrench: First of all: Thank you so much for all those compliments, they made my day! Furthermore, I hope this chapter cleared up some of the confusion you got while reading the last one. And as for alkahestry, canonically they don't know of its existence at this point in the timeline. Lastly, yes, I have considered them getting a dog (a labradoodle because they're better when it comes to allergies), but their home situation would need to become far more stable for that first. Also, right now, even suggesting that Ed gets a guide dog that isn't Roy, could be taken as a sign that Roy is going back on his promise, which would be bad. And I'm not giving Al a cat because I don't like them. They scare our bunnies when they are out in the garden and they poo in the gravel outside our house, as well as making me sneeze, so I'm not adding any animals that I don't think I can get myself to write without bias. (I hope that my explanation isn't taken as angry or impatient, because it isn't ;) And I truly appreciate all those things you said about my writing!)
xmenfan33: I always got the feeling that the film they mentioned in the manga was a lot more advanced than films were at the time historically, but that may just have been my opinion, anyways, it made for about an hour of interesting research after your review :) And I am so happy that you enjoyed the chapter!