Chapter twenty-eight
Ed woke up to Roy not being in their room. He didn't have his arm around Ed. But he had given him Arnold, so at least he knew that Roy had had something that he had needed to do, and without needing to wake Ed up first.
He remembered a sharp noise from the phone ringing, but then he had fallen asleep again. So Roy was most likely discussing the contents of that phone call with Maes or one of the others.
Problem was that Ed needed to pee, and he didn't want to go to the bathroom alone because he was always a bit nervous about missing when aiming at the toilet. But he didn't really have a choice at the moment, because he didn't know when Roy would be back. And so he made his way carefully out of the bed, feeling around with his hand as he made his way slowly towards the direction of the door. He couldn't use one of those canes when he didn't have another arm to support himself with. With one spare leg as well, being able to support himself was crucial.
He held his hand out in front of him, waving it around a bit to make sure that he didn't crash into anything. He hated this. He hated the dark. He wanted the light back. He wanted to see again. But he couldn't even be healed up, because there was nothing left to heal. His eyes were gone.
And Ed wanted them back.
...But a small part of him was scared of what would happen if he actually did. Roy wouldn't need to be there for him. Ed would be alone, he wouldn't have that warm hug as they dried his ports... He wouldn't have that flannel gently being rubbed over his chest and back in soothing circles. He wouldn't get the warm arm around him as they went through their sessions with the mind-numbing dog. They wouldn't need Wally at all. Because Ed wouldn't need him like he did now.
...And so the price for regaining his sight would have been to lose his Roy. He would be able to watch Al grow up, to see those around him, but then he would lose his Roy.
Which meant that it was almost comforting that they couldn't be restored. So that he didn't have to make that choice. Because he would never get it.
He was scared and in the dark. He wouldn't get to see anything ever again. But he would get used to it. And he would have his Roy. And Al as he grew up. He'd do anything to make Al happy when he grew up again.
But Ed still missed his brother. He missed his old life. He missed his sight and he missed so much of his old life. But maybe this was better for Al. This way he would get a real childhood. And without having Ed drag him into spending most of their time after their mother's passing, preparing themselves to break the laws of the universe. And now Al would never know the fear and hurt of being locked inside a feelingless suit of armour. Would never know what it was like to watch Mom die. To have the man who was supposed to be their father run out on them.
...So, yes, Al would have a steadier, better life than the one that he had had the first time around. Even if him not knowing about Mom. Knowing who she was... Nor Uncle and Auntie Rockbell... He could live a normal life now. Grow up like he should.
And they'd have a father figure who was just as good as Mom. Al would have to grow up with one parent missing from his life... But Roy would be there for a lot longer. He wasn't going to leave them. Not until he was old and beardy. Old and beardy and flirting with the young nurses because he was bound to become one of those old farts. One of those that would make the nurses laugh at his foolish attempts that Roy knew were just as foolish as they did. Even his name fitted that sort of old man. So Roy wasn't going to leave them. He had said so. He wasn't going to let them lose another parent, because Roy had even adopted them and had let Ed take his name... He was going to be there for decades. Half a century, minimum. Because he wasn't going to die like Mom because that couldn't happen because Ed needed his Roy and he needed a hug so that he could feel safe and warm and real again.
Which was why the familiar set of footsteps coming up the staircase in front of him made him instantly limp forwards as fast as he could. Then he was being hugged by Roy and held to his warm chest. But Roy didn't smell like he had showered, which meant that their daily morning ritual would still be the same. That was good and that was safe. Because Ed liked the way that it gave his life some permanence.
"Hey, Ed..." Roy said softly. "Did you sleep well?"
Ed just nodded into his chest. "Mhm... Need to pee, though."
Roy chuckled softly at that. Fondly.
Ed liked that. He liked the fondness. The safety that it brought as he hugged Roy around the waist with his arm.
"Well, let's get going and then I think you deserve a bath, because we really need to talk about the contents of that phone call." Roy sounded stunned... Speechless.
"Is there something wrong, Roy? You don't sound like everything's fine... And you ran out without showering..." He felt nervousness building in him.
Roy actually bent down at that, scooped Ed up in his arms, and kissed his forehead. "Let's just say that your fears about you slowing down my career have been rendered very faulty."
Ed felt his clenching stomach relax at his words, and he frowned with realisation. "Roy, if I'm gonna take a bath, then could you... Could you shower first while I pee...?" he asked quietly, not wanting to offend Roy.
He could feel Roy pause, but then the older alchemist chuckled. "I'm sure that you're right... Come on, let's get going."
Ed just pressed himself further into Roy's chest. If Roy's career hadn't been slowed down, then that was good. But with how stunned he sounded, his career had been furthered a lot. "...Does it have anything to do with the interview?" The fact that Roy wasn't telling him right away, could mean that everything was good, but that there would be something that he also wouldn't like. Which was why he wanted to discuss it while Ed was in the bath.
"Ed, you're the best recruiter the military's ever had, and you're not even an officer any more... And when I spoke with Lieutenant General Grumman about thirty minutes ago, he told me that seven hundred and six people had signed up since the interview, which explains a lot."
Ed froze. "Oh... So it's another one of those being granted favours because we're... We're important to the public?"
Roy sighed at that, but he still sounded relieved and a bit happy. "Yes, but I've been promoted to the perfect position that means that we're not going to have to move around. And I'll aslo automatically be exempt from combat and still be required as a State Alchemist, so I won't be at risk of losing my licence either."
A thought struck Ed as to what job that could be. "...You're gonna be the head of the State Alchemist office?" he asked quietly.
"Yes... Now that you've been telling the entire Eastern Area that I'm not a womanising egomaniac, I've been considered far more suitable for that position. Colonel Yorke's been waiting for that transfer for a long time, but there hasn't really been anyone to replace him because it requires someone who isn't exactly leaving for Central just a year later. Skill-wise, I've been a good candidate for a long time... Reputation-wise, you've been a better choice than me... So now that it's better that we don't need to move around a lot, plus people suddenly have a lot of faith in me, plus I'm most likely the officer that's the most suited for staying here for at least a decade..."
Ed just pressed himself even closer to his chest, feeling bad about this. "...But that only slows you down, Roy... If you're not even gonna get promoted to Central, then-"
"Ed, the promotion to head of the State Alchemist office at Eastern Command isn't the only promotion I got," Roy interrupted him, that stunned awkwardness returning, even if his tone was still soft and warm.
Edward froze. "...You... You mean...?"
"Maes too. One rank each. Our new uniforms will be arriving in two days... So, no, you haven't slowed down my career much. I get to mark myself as a good leader who takes care of those around him and fulfils his responsibilities. Instead of annoying people through cunning manipulation as I rise through the ranks, I'll be earning trust rather than scorn... Which might as well mean that I'll be able to earn enough trust and popularity, that I'll be able to work on my plans for Ishbal before I become Führer."
Ed didn't really know what to think or say. "...Y-you're gonna be a... a general? At t-twenty-seven?"
"It apparently has to do with keeping such talented, young officers from being promoted to Central for over at least a decade... So he's repaying us in this way instead. And by promoting us so soon, we're getting higher pay and thereby more to provide our kids with."
Roy sat in front of the bath, gently rubbing soothing circles over Ed's chest with the flannel as the young boy leant his left shoulder into his chest.
Which meant that they had one last thing that they needed to discuss. "Ed, there's something else... Because we're also being provided with one of the military estates, meaning that we won't have so much of our time consumed by house-hunting. So we're going to go and check the property out in two hours and twenty minutes."
"Oh. That's good..." Ed still sounded scared and insecure. Like he wasn't sure that he really wasn't screwing up Roy's and Hugheses' lives and that they were only being kind.
And so Roy leant forwards and hugged Ed to him, placing a kiss on top of his head, letting the flannel fall into the water. "It is, Ed, it definitely is... However, there is one detail that is going to change things rather a lot..."
The young boy stiffened at Roy's words. "Wh-what, Roy?"
"My new position also requires me to come in to the office at least three hours a day for the next three months. After that I'll go back to the normal amount of worki-"
"No!" Ed interrupted him, looking terrified. "Y-you said you'd stay home with me! So that you could help me and care for me! You said so, Roy! You said you wouldn't leave me and that you'd be my g-guide dog, but you... you can't be that if you'll be gone for four hours a day! Because you have to drive back and forth too! You were only gonna have fifty per cent home office! You said so, Roy!"
Roy was becoming fairly certain that his misgivings about this becoming unhealthy were proving themselves to be correct. However, the initial reaction to learning that the safety net that Ed had come to rely upon, was being abruptly ripped out from under him, would also be worse than it would be later on. The boy longed for permanence, permanence that Roy had promised him only the night before.
He was getting worried. He didn't really know if he was being socially inept and thereby just responding with fear to being a parent... Fear of being in charge of a child whose situation was horrifying in a way that he couldn't ever truly understand... Or whether he was defending Ed's steadily growing unhealthy way of dealing with things. Either Roy was putting too much into this...
...Or not enough, and was thereby becoming an accomplice in unwittingly harming Ed's psyche through his own willingness to help.
Either way, Roy would have a word with Hawkeye for when he left with Maes to go to General Grumman's office. Because it was probably a good thing if she could study Ed's behaviour when Roy wasn't there. Because he was getting this uncomfortable feeling in his stomach about that whole "my Roy" thing. It was logically sound, of course, because Roy was Maes's Roy when talking to him, and Roy changed between whose Roy he really was. But Ed was the first one that had claimed one adaptation of him. And it was creepy and uncomfortable in a way.
And this was getting far more complicated than Roy had thought it would. Because now he had put himself in a situation where by being Ed's only emotional crutch, he couldn't just stop being so. If Roy began pushing him away now, then Ed would truly fall apart in a way that couldn't be repaired. Ed would isolate himself completely, heartbroken and without daring to trust anyone again. And Roy couldn't get himself to do that to Ed either. He had promised him not to leave him... And so Roy couldn't just read a book without telling Ed what it was about, because he couldn't get himself to lie to the kid.
...Which meant that Roy couldn't just borrow a book at the library on abandonment issues.
No, having the Führer order him to be occasionally separated from Ed three hours a day was the best thing that could have happened. At least until Roy had sorted out just what was happening between himself and Ed.
Because Roy couldn't really tell if something was wrong in the first place, and if so, who it was that was actually the culprit.
There was a difference between comparing facts and drawing conclusions from them, and defending some of the facts in order to make it seem like it was right whilst he was disregarding some of the pieces of the equation.
...So the big question was if he was being too emotional and unscientific, or if he was being too scientific and not emotional enough.
Because Roy might be doing something very stupid by listening to and acting on every single urge he had to make Edward a bit happier. To let him understand that he mattered. Because couldn't that also mean that he was making Ed too dependent on continuous confirmation and affection to actually dare to do things for himself?
...But Ed had done the interview on his own. He had chosen to eat downstairs with the rest of them. His initial reaction to Roy's explanation was instinctive, and you saw it in many people as they were instinctively creatures of habit...
...Or Ed was subconsciously manipulating Roy into enabling some very destructive behaviour.
It was just so damned hard to tell. Because Roy was beginning to realise what it was that his own actions were being spurred on by.
...And it was by the same thing that had made Ed snuggle up to him and kiss his cheek.
"Ed, you know that the Führer has gone to great lengths to make things easier for us. And he also said that it gave you and Gracia an opportunity to expand your social circle, because all four of you will be coming with me. Humans are social creatures by nature and shutting yourself away from everyone but me isn't healthy for any of us. And Gracia especially could use it. We can't force her to stay inside the house at all hours of the day because she is doing us a favour by taking care of Alphonse. And the team will be there, so you won't have a large group of people that you don't know, looking at you. It's completely safe and it's in our best interests. I'll be working from home the rest of the time." Roy spoke gently, softly, as he cupped Ed's right cheek in his left hand, tilting his chin up. "You understand that that isn't actually a bad thing, right?"
Ed's lips were trembling, before he whipped around and began sobbing, beating his fist into Roy's chest weakly. "I'M JUST SO DAMNED SCARED! I DON'T WANNA LOSE YOU TOO! I'VE LOST MOM, I'VE LOST AL! I'VE LOST TWO OF MY LIMBS AND NOW MY EYES AND EVERYTHING'S SO FUCKING BLACK! ALL THE TIME! EVERYTHING'S BLACK AND THOSE FEW THAT I HAVE LEFT, ARE JUST PEOPLE IN THE DARK! THEY HAVE VOICES AND SMELLS AND PHYSICAL FORMS AND ALL THAT, BUT I CAN'T SEE A SINGLE DAMN EXPRESSION THEY MAKE! I DON'T EVEN HAVE A CLUE ABOUT WHAT THE MYSTERY-BABY DOWNSTAIRS LOOKS LIKE! AND SHE'S GONNA GROW UP WITH ME AS HER BIG BROTHER, JUST LIKE AL! AND I'M TERRIFIED OF LOSING YOU TOO, ROY!" Then he just sobbed quietly into Roy's chest. "I-I don't wanna lose my Roy... I n-need my Roy..." he wheezed weakly.
Roy felt frustration growing, because things were making more sense now. "Edward, if you're going to be so afraid of losing me, despite everything, then you should at least do yourself the favour of not putting up a mental barrier like this. You're too afraid to trust me and you're too afraid not to trust me, because it has gone from two to seven people calling me by my first name. And you're a lot more confident when you and me are alone or when we're in an area where I'm the only Roy in the room, because everyone else calls me something else. You made me "Mustang" after our sparring session, because I became something else than the "Colonel." Then, after the adoption was in order and we had left the office, I became "Roy". You want to claim your version of me, and that's fine, but at least just stop torturing yourself with your insecurity about me. Because you're not "my Ed", just like I'm not "your Roy"... We're possessive creatures the whole lot of us, so if you want to have your version of me that won't combat anyone else's, then just say it..." Roy was surprised at how sharp his voice was. It made him feel like a jerk, but he was getting tired of Ed's mental self-harm, now that Roy had recognised it for what it was. "Because you're just as edgy as I am about it, so do us both a favour, because I'm not "your Roy", I'm your damn-"
"Dad," Ed whispered shakily.
"Exactly. And I'm no better, because I've kept putting "legally" in front of it for some reason. As if people didn't know that already. None of us are too comfortable about it, but it's still the truth that I chose to claim you two as my own rather than lose you, or even risk losing you, and then put "legally" in front of it because I'm scared of being one. And you're scared of having one, but you have still been letting me do exactly what one should do. And then you've acted like I am one. Just like I have been hugging you and kissing your head and even actually carried you to my bed so that you didn't have to spend the night alone. You want to have your own, special version of me, just like you want me to have my own special version of you. Everything's weird and messed up, but the thing about a father/son relationship, is that those are individual and personal and there isn't a manual for it. People can write as many books about it as they want to, but those are still personal and unique. They can have the same characteristics and all that, but they're damned different because people are different. And someone can be a shit dad, and I don't say that that is a good thing. I don't say that unhealthy relationships are anything but, because I'm not saying that uniqueness is instantly the same as good and right. And so my point is that we can just figure things out as we go along, and you can have what you need the most without pretending that it is something else. Because I'm not too fond of the idea of being claimed as a single Roy. When you want something that belongs to no one else, then that's definitely the one. Nobody else is going to have that. Al's gonna grow up with me being "Dada" or "Papa", then "Daddy" and then "Dad", but that is going to be years ahead. And when that day comes that you both call me the same thing, then one of you is going to be a grownup."
Ed seemed lost beyond words, unable to do anything but just have tears running down his cheeks.
Roy just poked him sternly in the chest. "There's no recipe involved, only that single title. Now use it and trust me to fulfil that role, because if I wasn't serious about it, then I wouldn't have told you to. And you can't deny that fact. I've adopted you, Edward Mustang, and I am not leaving you, just because I'm trying to balance our existence in the way that it should be. Otherwise, in three months, you would have one day have had me at home, and then the next day found yourself either staying at home alone with Gracia, two babies and a bodyguard, or you would have joined me in the office, having almost zero preparation for being alone or alone with someone else while I worked those nine hours, not including overtime. This way, you can be eased into the way that things will be once I go back to working full time. Because no matter how much I want to, we both know full well that I can't shirk my duties and refuse to go to meetings... Isolating ourselves is one of the stupidest things we can do, because the world doesn't stop moving just because we want it to..." Roy sighed before he pulled Ed to him and kissed the top of his head. Then he just whispered softly into those soft locks, feeling Ed's tears against his chest. His own stomach was clenching violently in fear and a lot of confusing emotions. "...And so we keep moving forwards and try to make the best of it as we go along, kiddo... All right?"
There were a few seconds of silence, and then came a weak nod, followed by a small whisper. "...'Kay, Dad."
"Here we are, sirs," said Captain Walters, as the red-blonde, thin, small, thirty-something woman parked their car on the gravel in front of one of the two carports.
...Maes was already getting a good idea just as to why this house was reserved for generals. He had had his suspicions upon learning that it was considered very suitable for a family that would require five separate bedrooms within a few years... Especially as having the Rockbells visiting to do maintenance work had been of no consequence.
Because they were outside a smaller, red manor with two floors with fancy front doors, a fancy balcony above that, and just a pretty large building in general.
Maes was looking over at Roy and Ed, Roy with Alphonse in his arms, the baby bundled up in his creamy yellow blanket. Ed was leaning against Roy's left arm, holding his hand on top of the infant's stomach.
He had been surprised when the two Mustangs had come down the stairs, newly showered and looking very fashionable. Roy in his usual grey waistcoat and trousers, white shirt, and loose grey-blue tie. Ed had was the one that had surprised him slightly, though. Because the kid that was sitting there in front of him was wearing a white shirt and black trousers, looking oddly formal. However, Ed still had the top two buttons open so that he didn't look like a Roy Mustang copy. No, they didn't look like father and son, not really.
But the biggest surprise after learning of their promotions and new place of residence, was the fact that Ed had suddenly begun calling Roy "Dad". He had been awkward about it, yes, and so had Roy. Basically, there had obviously been some deeper reasoning behind the new title. Ed, however, had then further surprised all of them by explaining it.
"Sometimes it's easier to give someone the trust that they deserve when you give them a title that nobody else has."
Basically, Maes was glad that things had become as they were. Ed was a bit less inclined to cling to Roy everywhere they went, as if he trusted him to not leave him as much. Like that title had been that one thing that had made it clear to him that Roy also wanted Ed in return. Because it was obvious that Roy had been the one to suggest it. If Roy could suggest that he called him that, then Ed could be completely sure that no matter what, Roy was something that nobody else had. And that Ed had the thing that he needed the most right now, but now with his name for it being different than that of the others. Because Edward held Roy dear, there was no doubt about that.
And after the two alchemists had left the dinner table the day before, the six of them that remained had been looking at each other with worry. Because Ed had been sitting on Roy's lap as they ate dinner, and Roy had let him, no questions asked.
But they had all recognised that Roy hadn't been entirely too comfortable as they had sat there, either. And after all Ed had gone through that day, it had frankly been a small miracle that he had chosen to eat with them. No, the fact that had made them uncomfortable had been the way that Ed had therefore needed to sit on Roy's lap. Because Ed seemed to be regressing to a small child right before their eyes.
And that part could easily be explained by Ed's outburst from the previous morning. Because he wanted to be a kid that was being looked after by adults. And the last time Ed had been able to do so in full, he had been five. The kid was a kid that was finally allowed to just be a kid... But didn't really know how to be one.
But it was a relief to see that that desperate clinginess had been reduced somewhat. Ed was still holding on to Roy and was in nearly constant contact with him...
...But it didn't have that air of being a sort of attempt at making sure that Roy didn't leave him.
But they had all been more than a little worried the night before. But they had also decided that they wouldn't intervene when Ed had been so emotionally exhausted, considering what had happened just a few hours before that. It hadn't been the best scene to base their fears on. And it had seemed like they all had had some faith in Roy to fix things.
...Which now appeared to have been a good decision.
And so they were now outside the building that would be their home for at least a decade.
"Would you like us to give you a tour, or just escort you as you check it out for yourselves?"
"I think escorting us is best," Roy told them. It was easier that he just did the initial talking as the senior officer until they split up and the two Mustangs went off on their own, leaving Maes with his wife and the two babies. Ed would be walking at a very different pace than the rest of them, and supporting a blind kid with a very different way of orientating himself than the rest of them, meant that carrying a baby at the same time wasn't a good idea when it came to Roy. Ed could fall and Roy needed his hands free to catch him. Plus, should Al need something, then it was better that Gracia was together with him at least. A stressed Roy with a displeased baby and a slightly panicking blind teenager was more or less a recipe for disaster. And Ed didn't want to slow everyone down while also needing Roy to describe their surroundings. Maes didn't blame the kid for that part. That probably counted for just about everyone had they recently lost their vision and had a spare prosthesis that made them limp slowly.
Maes's first association as they stepped inside the building was that they were in some sort of smaller reception area of a hotel. There was a staircase to their left, and what looked like a larger dining room to their right. It smelt surprisingly cosy, the building having a sort of cabin-like style, but just adapted to the size of a manor. It seemed like a very good and likeable place to live, actually. And so it made even more sense that it was reserved for generals. It was a lot more comfortable and relaxing than most houses, which fitted perfectly for someone with a long military career with a lot of hours spent in a very dull and professional-looking office that lacked soul and had lots of responsibilities. Basically, it was like returning to a small holiday at the end of the day. And it made it a perfect place to raise kids without having that stern military air.
No, Maes was going to like it here.
"So, seven bedrooms, a library which is currently waiting for books, two studies, a small lounge, a dining room with a table with space for twenty people, but we can bring in a couple of smaller ones, an unused room that can become the workshop for my automail, a big garden which is good for sparring, a big kitchen, four bathrooms, a big living room with four couches and a fireplace, and a leisure room in the attic..." Ed mused as they walked up the stairs in the direction of the office, feeling awkward at the size of the building that they were going to live in. "I didn't really think about how big a place we actually needed... And so the number of bedrooms is because important generals have a lot of important friends... Or the generals have a big family because they're old and it's better to be safe rather than sorry..." he concluded. "And the military pays for the house, but we pay for the moving our stuff and cleaners and electricity and things like that, 'cos we're lucky enough as it is that we don't have to pay more cens than I want to know... S'pose it could be worse... And that it was lucky that I did the interview..." He still felt a bit awkward about it. Because he had basically both ruined and improved Dad's reputation. It still felt really weird to think of him that way... To call him that. Also because the last one had run out on them.
...But Dad wouldn't do that. Lieutenant Hawkeye would shoot him if he even tried. And Dad actually gave him hugs. He could never remember Hohenheim doing that. Ed had given him a couple of hugs, but Hohenheim had never taken the initiative. And then he had just sat in his study all the time, pushing them away more and more.
Dad had actually started out with hugging Ed. Had chosen to keep him. Had chosen to adopt them. And Ed had actually wanted to take his name, unlike with Hohenheim.
"Yes... But I think we've also hit the jackpot when it comes to houses. So don't worry about it, Ed."
"...Do you think that the others know about the promotion yet?"
"No. We're better suited to tell them. General Grumman wouldn't have been able to give them full information on how we have thought things out, and so it's better that we do it ourselves."
"Is it also 'cos we don't know if they heard the interview?" Dad hadn't told Lieutenant Hawkeye just why they had been coming back home a bit late yesterday when she had dropped off the forms.
"Yes. And I also think that it is because he wants you to hear their reaction to it, including the news about how you'll be spending a lot of time in the office."
Ed thought about it a bit, feeling touched, a bit odd, and a bit scared as he kept limping forwards, holding Dad's elbow. "You want to know their first reaction to it yourself too, don't you?" he asked quietly.
Dad chuckled a bit. "Guess I'm a bit childish. Three steps left now."
A sudden thought struck him as they finished walking up the last step. "Lieutenant Havoc's gonna be heartbroken..."
He could tell that Dad was frowning. "What do you mean, Ed?" He didn't have time to answer before he realised what Edward was talking about. "Oh, definitely. But that's not something I'll be compromising on."
The three Hugheses and Alphonse were back downstairs because there were a big number of soldiers that wanted to either greet their new colleague or just half-faint at the two adorable babies. Ed had said that it was okay so that there wouldn't be too many things happening all at once. Two babies, new colleague, Ed staying there, Dad returning to work, new office, promotions, new house, and Gracia would be a bit overkill.
Ed had to admit that it was a bit nice to hear how protective Dad had become when it came to Alphonse. When they had been sitting in the car on the way to their new house, Dad had sat there with Al on his lap, saying a lot of things about the experience.
"This baby is my damn son... Feels odd... And he's a baby. A tiny, little baby... I've got a lot to learn about what you actually do with one... A hell of a lot to learn... And part of me wants to poke him... But that will have to wait... Oh, shit, I'm going to have to learn about nappies... And potty training... And then there's the children's songs... The no swearing thing, we'll both have to work on that one, Ed... Maybe we should get a swear jar... He feels weird, you know... And what about childhood illnesses?... And he's odd... Because Gracia's not gonna do all the work... We just need a bit of training when we've got a bit more time... He's so warm... And small... Oh, he grabbed my finger again... That's pretty sweet... Oh no, what about baby food?... Feeding?... Maes, Gracia, I will be forever in your debt... And I can have a study period because you're eleven months ahead of me... Am I gonna sort of apprentice with your baby?... If you let me, that is... Hey, Maes, place Ed's hand on his head for me, this is ridiculously soft... Am I the only one who thinks he smells odd?... Hey, quit laughing, Maes!"
"Hey, Dad? I just thought of something..." Ed said as they made their way closer to the office. When they had left the car, it had been half an hour until Dad and Maes left for the meeting with Lieutenant General Grumman. That meant that they had about twenty-three minutes left until then by now.
"What is it, Ed?"
"Al's gonna have something that nobody else has... 'Cos he can play horsey with a Mustang."
Dad chuckled. "Maes is going to love that one."
Ed sighed a bit, feeling awkward. "You know you can't let Al think that you're not his dad, 'cos Maes is looking after him... So why don't you sit with him in your lap in a sort of mini-bed or something when you're at your desk? Gracia's gonna be in the room right outside, she can help you..." He wasn't entirely comfortable at the thought about how Dad really needed to be spending a lot more time with Al because of the bonding parts and the fact that Al had zero biological parents.
But Ed also really wanted to just be with Dad... But Dad would also be busy and boring when he returned to work. It wouldn't be the same as it had been these past few days. And if Ed kept staying in his office, sitting on a chair next to him or something, then he'd be making it harder for Dad to work. Also because he would feel guilty about not spending time with him because Ed couldn't just sit with a book any more. Not until he learnt Braille. So Ed would just have to spend time with the others, because at least they were able to socialise. At least a bit. And he could get to know Gracia better.
"Do you think Gracia would help me learn how to read Braille?" Ed asked quietly.
"Yes, I'm sure she will." His voice was soft and kind. "And she has been joking about you teaching her how to spar... And I don't think it was just a joke, actually. And Sig and Teacher will be joining you for the rest of the time once they've got the new house in order. Are you sure that there's no way we can get them to accept a fee for what they're doing?"
Ed shook his head. The two Curtises had decided that they would take it upon themselves to fix everything in their current house to get the value as best they could, including painting, fixing small things, larger things, and scrubbing the place completely. They were even going to paint the outside of the house as well. And so that was what they would spend their time doing during those four hours a day that they were left alone. And then Sig would be big and strong and carry all the heavy furniture all on his own.
...And then the rest of them would come home and, save Gracia, get some very thorough training.
And Ed was getting a bit nervous, curious and excited at the same time, because Winry had told him that they'd have his new automail ready in five days. That would also serve to be a very efficient pastime, because, although it wasn't painful to learn how to use, it was going to be completely different from what he was used to. Because he'd get small electrical impulses at every move and touch of his fingers, and sorting out their meanings would be a lot of work. Because apparently he wouldn't feel like he actually had a flesh limb, but he'd be able to feel the impulses up in his nerves so that he'd be creating a sort of mental map or picture of how it felt to walk and move his arm to the point that he'd be able to write again.
And Winry was having a blast. Yes, she was crying and sniffing a lot, but she was finding it very exciting to construct this completely different sort of automail. But she had made it very clear that light sparring on soft ground was okay, but only when he was completely sure what the electrical impulses meant, otherwise he could severely injure himself by getting them mixed up. Plus, he could also hurt his sparring partner. And hard surfaces were out of the question because they were a lot less durable than his old limbs. They were extra sensitive because that was pretty much the whole deal about them. Protective plating that blocked out the effectiveness of the sensors was counterproductive.
But Ed didn't really care about having to stop being an intimidating fighting machine, because it meant that he could actually hold Al without being at risk of hurting him. It would take some time to perfect those more delicate movements and similar, though. So he'd be sitting with that for a while.
"Here we are, Ed," Dad said kindly, but instead of opening the door, he gave Ed a hug. "If you want to keep calling me Roy in the office, then that's okay, you know." His voice was a bit heavy, a bit awkward, but also really comforting. Calming.
...And he smelt like Dad.
Ed just sank into it, making up his mind. "I think I prefer "Dad." If I'm gonna be around the others everyday, then I think it's better to just call you Dad and keep it that way." He felt like crying again. Crying at the fact that Al would be reintroduced to the rest of the team...
Dad suddenly knelt down and hugged him in a more comfortable way, letting Ed rest his chin on his right shoulder, gently holding his right hand at the back of his head.
It might not be making his confidence grow, but it was a damned good hug.
And so they just stood there like that for a couple of minutes, not even saying anything.
Just hugging. Just a warm, safe hug.
Dad wiped away his tears for him, before giving him a small kiss to his forehead. A few seconds after that, and he was opening the office door.
...And Dad didn't even give the room's occupants time to respond before his voice suddenly turned very stern, bordering on threatening. "Havoc, snuff your cigarette, Gracia's bringing two babies here in a few minutes, including my own newborn."
"Yes, sir!" came Havoc's slightly confused and nervous voice.
"Al's coming?" came Master Sergeant Fuery's voice, sounding both sad and a bit hopeful.
And, of course, confused.
"Yes. Now, I want you, Lieutenant Hawkeye, Second Lieutenants Breda and Havoc and Warrant Officer Falman to join us in my office."
A small chorus of "Yes, sir!" was accompanied by five sets of chairs scraping against the floor.
About half a minute later, the seven of them were inside the inner office, Dad having led Ed to sit in his desk chair while Dad was standing next to him, being stern CO-ish. Ed, however, tugged a bit on Dad's waistcoat to make it clear that he wanted to speak first. "Uh, I'd just like to start out by saying something so that there won't be confusion or awkwardness once I sorta spring it on you, I guess... 'Cos we kinda found out that with six other people at home calling him Roy, and him being very different around me than everyone else who calls him that... It fitted better if I just called him "Dad", 'cos that's basically what he's being with me... Also... D'you know about the interview yesterday?"
"Yeah," came Breda's voice, sounding a lot softer and sad than Ed had ever heard him. "That was pretty brave of you, kid."
Ed felt really awkward at that. "...Thanks... But anyways, that's not the main point... 'Cos it sorta turned out that by ten this morning, seven hundred and six people had signed up."
"...Shit," Havoc whispered.
Ed just nudged Dad's leg at that, leaving him to do the rest of the explaining. And so the man next to him sighed a bit, but his voice turned office-y, making Ed's stomach clench slightly. "Which I found out when speaking to General Grumman right after I received a phone call from the Führer... And so the short story is that, with me now being in a situation where not being promoted to Central or going out on missions, I have been promoted to a more permanent position here at Eastern Command. So, starting three days from now, I'll be the new head of the State Alchemist office. I'll be working three hours a day for the next three months, doing some of the paperwork from home as well, and then work full time, meaning that Ed, Al and Gracia will be joining us. Because you five are coming with me, and you're also going to keep them company."
"Yes, sir!" came the five voices all at once, followed by Havoc commenting. "That's a pretty high position, Colonel, you must be the youngest officer ever to have that job."
Roy barely kept himself from sighing. But he was still in the office. Still their CO, rather than the one bringing them news about his own personal life and having Ed say hello like the past few days. This was basically practice in being a family man and a CO at the same time. A CO with his blind son sitting in his chair, unconsciously holding on to Roy's trouser leg after nudging it. It was hidden behind the desk, so nobody else knew about it, thankfully. Ed was still making Roy a bit uncomfortable, especially with how calmly he was suddenly taking this. But he was taking this calmly because he was holding on to Roy's trouser leg.
...No, Roy had a bad feeling that Ed was having another one of those numb phases brought on by the alarming amount of abrupt changes and strangers everywhere.
And part of him was getting very afraid that Ed would have a meltdown while Roy was at the meeting with Grumman. And that the boy was now steeling himself for being alone, which only made it worse, because he was scared of being so. And the clock was ticking. Roy would have to leave in thirteen minutes, according to the clock on the wall.
Which meant that he had to get this done quickly and then talk to Ed while he still could.
And so he spoke calmly and collectedly. "Yes, and it appears that I have set a second record at being the youngest one of something, because I'll be receiving my new uniform in two days from now."
His subordinates froze, even Lieutenant Hawkeye looked like she had lost some of her composure, her mouth forming a small o.
"You're being promoted to brigadier general, sir?" Fuery asked in a weak and shocked voice.
"Yes, I am. Both Hughes and me are being promoted one rank each as we aren't going to be promoted to Central for at least a decade. Making it more lucrative to stay here is a way to compromise and also reward Hughes and me for what we have chosen to do when it comes to our families. We've also been given one of the military estates that is more or less perfect for us to stay at. However, as it was strictly reserved for generals, it appears to have made even more sense for Führer Bradley to promote me... Which in turn means that I am trapping the five of you in East City with us. If you want to pursue your careers rather than stay here, then you are free to d-"
"No, sir," Falman interrupted him, surprising him rather a lot whilst giving Roy a salute. "I do not feel inclined to leave."
"Me neither, sir," Fuery added, saluting him too.
Breda nodded. "Yeah, I'd say that those two's got it right, sir."
Hawkeye just gave him a very familiar look. "You already know where I stand, sir."
"Yeah, they've pretty much summed it up, you know, Boss..." Havoc said, smirking slightly. "We've got some people here that we don't want to leave... Plus, it would be cool to have a kid to bring some joy into our office in between paperwork. Three, actually... I think it sounds pretty good..." Then his eyes took on a slightly mischievous glint. "Perhaps I'd even have a couple of toddlers to call me "Uncle Jean"... Would be kinda cute."
Roy paused, frowning. "I swear I will burn your hair off if you use any sort of babysitting duties as a way to impress women."
He was noticing just how protective he was becoming of his kids. It was odd. And Ed seemed to be reaching bursting point, gripping Roy's trouser leg harder. It made it hard to think, because he was torn between worry about Ed and gratitude towards his subordinates. "Well, thank you, everyone. The others should be arriving in the outer office at any moment, so you're dismissed, but make sure to clean your arms if you want to hold either Al or Elicia."
The five soldiers saluted him with another "yes, sir!" before leaving the office, all of them obviously able to tell just what was on Roy's mind. Especially as Lieutenant Hawkeye closed the door.
Roy immediately lifted Ed up in his arms and then sat down in his chair, hugging the kid tightly to him. "It's okay, Ed... You did good. You did really good."
"Y-you're back at work, Dad..." Ed whispered, pressing himself into Roy's chest.
Roy sighed, stroking his kid's back up and down, knowing what he meant. "I need to be a military officer too, you know... Especially as a general. And discipline is a very important part of that."
"I-I know... It's just that... I'm used to you being something else than "the Colonel" now... And now you're gonna be "the General", and that could be even stricter 'cos it's such a high rank that you need to prove that you're worth it, when you're not even thirty... And it... it scares me..."
He could understand full well how it would scare Ed. Without the visual confirmation of Roy's continued affection, it would be hard to tell just what part was real or not. Whether Roy was just acting.
He hugged him tighter, kissing his forehead. "Edward, it's okay... It's going to be okay... And you need to remember that "the Colonel" has changed drastically since the interview... Because "the General" will be more of a family man than he ever was. So, yes, I'll be strict and professional, but I won't be smug. I won't be a womaniser. I won't be the young officer that's working to climb through the ranks whilst being somewhere between a brat and a bastard," Roy told him gently, still feeling his stomach clenching, especially as time wasn't going to stop just because he had to talk to Ed. Just because Ed needed to be held. To be reassured as he was suddenly being faced with Roy acting so completely different.
...Completely different, and yet the same that had let the Elrics down like he had.
Roy didn't really know what to say or do at that moment. Especially as tears began streaming down Ed's cheeks.
No, Roy couldn't leave Ed alone. Not now. "Ed, how about you join Hughes and me during the meeting? I suppose you actually being able to voice your opinion about things, considering how it will affect your life, isn't such a bad idea. We're still supposed to work things out in a way that fits with you also joining me... What do you say?"
Ed paused for two seconds before he nodded and broke down into sobs for the next five minutes.
Roy just kept stroking his back for the entire time, his stomach clenching even more, especially as Ed's sobs died down. Because it meant that Roy had to set some boundaries so as to keep Ed from constantly getting away with things that he shouldn't and that therefore shouldn't become the standard. "But you need to understand, Ed, that this is also be the only time that we can do it. You're a civilian child, and so I can't bring you to meetings on other occasions. In fact, you're not legally allowed to be present during those meetings."
Ed just nodded again, sniffing. "I-I know... Sorry... I-I don't wanna make things difficult for you..."
Roy sighed heavily, wiping away a tear from Ed's cheek. "It's okay... There's a lot going on right now... And you'll have some time to prepare yourself, unlike how it was now..."
"Th-thanks, Dad..." Ed said shakily and tearfully as he pressed himself further into Roy's chest. "...I-I just didn't... Didn't think it would b-be... Be like th-this..."
Roy didn't know what to say or think about it either. Because now professionalism meant scaring his blind kid three hours a day.
...No, being inside his odd bubble of caring for Ed and trying to make things work at home, left Roy with that same fear that Ed did, now that they would be returning to the real world.
...And now that Roy was actually, really a father. And he didn't know how to be one or balance it with his work or anything much, because reality was suddenly hitting him like a train.
Because things would never, ever be the same again.
...And it terrified him.
Because I'm actually a dad... And it's not just legally any more...
Ed's weight on his lap suddenly felt like it had tripled. And Roy was realising that Ed hadn't been the only one who had isolated himself since Roy had decided to adopt them. Because who was it that had been sitting there with Ed? Who was it that hadn't eaten dinner with the others either?
He was beginning to understand now why the Führer had made it only three hours a day for the next three months. Because Ed was damn well not the only one who needed to be introduced to what the real life was now.
...And Roy had never felt so scared of being an adult.
And so it's review time!
Grizzly98: Thank you! I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed that part, because I had a lot of fun writing it! And I have got a fair few plans for weaving in the canon plot!
Tears-beyond-your-years: I'm happy you like it! And I was planning to gradually add it in now after Roy's realisation ;)