Chapter Five:
Pub Riot
At Owen DeCassle's hideout, Bugs Bunnersham was working on working on his robot, now with eyes and a jaw added and a few other features. The door to his cell opened, and Owen entered…
"Ah, Mr. Bunnersham," Owen DeCassle said with a flourish, snickering. He announced, "Allow me to present… your charming son!" He tossed back his cape to reveal Wrenchfield holding Clyde giving an astonished look.
"Clyde!" Bugs cried out as he dropped his tools and started running towards his son.
"Father!" Clyde exclaimed as he tried to get to his father, but Wrenchfield held him back. So the young bunny stomped hard on Wrenchfield's good foot and ran into Bug's arms.
"Ow, my foot! My only foot!" Wrenchfield wailed in agony as he hopped up and down in pain.
Hugging his father, Clyde sobbed, "Oh, father! I thought I'd never find you!"
Bugs consoled his son and said, "Oh, there, there, there, there, kid. I'm all right! Oh, I was so worried about my little bunny!" He smiled at Clyde.
"Oh, how sweet!" Owen mockingly said as he pretended to sniffle and wipe at his eyes with his handkerchief. "I just love tearful reunions!" But then he grabbed Clyde back and handed him to Wrenchfield, saying, "Now, come along, little one."
"Oh, please!" Clyde cried as he tried to reach out towards his dad but was carried out of the cell. "Please! Father!"
"Clyde!" Bugs called back. "Oh, please, professor!" he pleaded to Owen.
But the evil professor restrained Bugs and calmly said, "Now, now, Wrenchfield will take good care of him…" His voice changed to a threatening tone as he warned, "That is, as long as we have no further delays!"
Fearfully picking up his tools and returning to work, Bugs said, "Y-yes, yes I-I'll finish it. Just don't hurt my son."
Starting to close the cell door, Owen ordered Bugs, "Remember, it must be ready TONIGHT!" He slammed the cell door.
…
Wrenchfield carried the young bunny over towards a large bottle of some kind lying on its' side, grunting.
"No, stop! Let me go!" Clyde pleaded. "You ugly old thing!"
But Wrenchfield just crammed Clyde inside the bottle and popped the cork onto the end. "That oughta hold ya!" he said.
"Help!" Clyde hollered. "Let me out! LET ME OUT!"
"How do ya like THAT?!" Wrenchfield taunted, blew a raspberry at the bunny, and nonchalantly strode towards Owen DeCassle, looking through the bag of loot Wrenchfield had taken from the giant toy shop.
"Ah, the uniforms!" Owen said with a chuckle as he lifted one of the uniforms out of the bag. "Oh, Wrenchfield, I knew I could rely on you. Now, you didn't forget anything?"
With a laugh, Wrenchfield answered, "No problem. I took care of everything. Everything on the list!" But as he said that he was reaching into one of his trouser pockets, only to realize his list was missing. "Uh-oh…"
"What's wrong?" Owen asked, his voice changed to a sterner tone. But Wrenchfield just stammered as he checked all of his pockets. "Where is the list?!" Owen demanded, getting angrier.
"The list, yeah-yeah-yeah," Wrenchfield nervously said as he began talking faster, "well you see, uh, it was like this. I was in the toy store getting uniforms when I heard, 'A-rooo! A-rooo!'" he howled, trying to mimic Marc Anthony's howling.
Owen was puzzled. He impatiently comments, "You're not coming through…"
"It sounded like a werewolf," Wrenchfield quickly continued. "I ran! I had the baby bonnet, bunny boy in bag, and Dorlock, er, chased me!"
But among hearing the duck detective's name, Owen cracked. "What?! DORLOCK on the case?! WHY YOU GIBBERING LITTLE…"
Wrenchfield cowered in fear as Owen clutched his chest, acting like he was having a heart attack, his face red with fury. But as soon as it began, Owen suddenly calmed down, chuckled and scooped up Wrenchfield. "Oh, my dear Wrenchfield… you have been staying up late too long!"
"You mean, you're not mad?" Wrenchfield asked in surprise. He hugged Owen as he chuckled and said, "I'm glad you're taking this so well!"
Owen and Wrenchfield waltzed behind a large crate together. But a little after that, the sound of Owen's little bell and Wrenchfield's terrified screaming shattered the silence. Behind the crate, the Tasmanian Devil was slobbering and holding Wrenchfield, attempting to eat the hunchback for a meal.
"Not me, you idiot!" Wrenchfield cried out as he tried to get himself out of Taz's grasp. "No, stop! You stupid beast!" Taz pushed Wrenchfield back into his mouth and tried to keep him in. "Open up, open up! Ay-yi-yi, OW! You're hurting my arms!"
As this was going on, Owen DeCassle was rubbing his temples in thought as he ragingly said, "How DARE that idiot Dorlock poke his stupid beak into my wonderful scheme and foul up everything!"
"Let me out, let me out, HELP!" Wrenchfield hollered as he managed to force his way out of the Tasmanian Devil's jaw, but Taz just stuffed him back in and put both front paws over his mouth to keep the hunchback in.
"Oh, I can just see that insufferable grin on his small face!" Owen wailed, banging his head against a wall. But then his mood brightened as he suddenly had a flash of brilliance. "Yes… yes, I can just SEE it!" He chuckled and ordered, "Taz, release him."
The Tasmanian Devil, with his cheeks full, pouted for a bit, but spit Wrenchfield out, mangled from Taz's sharp fangs. Owen, having found some use for Wrenchfield after all, held him up by the shoulders.
"Wrenchfield, you delightful little maniac," Owen said, "You've presented me with a singular opportunity!" He dropped the hunchback and said in fake concern, "Poor Dorlock Jones!" But then his tone suddenly changed to a malevolent one as he sneered, "Oh, he is in for a little surprise…"
…
Meanwhile, back at the flat of Dorlock Homes on Beeker Street, Dorlock was examining the list with a magnifying glass as Dr. Watkins stood by his side. "Offhand, and a copy I can deduce very little," Dorlock began, "only that the words were written with a quill pen that has splattered, twice." He put the magnifying glass back into his coat pocket and tossed it in his hand to test the weight. "The paper was made in Mongolia, and has…" The duck smacked his lips on the paper a bit and continued, "…been gummed, if I'm correct…" Then he sniffed the list and gave a repulsed reaction as he held the paper away at arm's length, "…by a stinky hunchback drinking a cheap brandy that's only sold in the seediest pubs!"
"Hmm, that's astou-stou-a-astound-astou-a-a-, er, amazing," Watkins observed.
"Not really, Doctor," Dorlock said. "We still don't know where it came from." He got a microscope out of his closet and slipped the list into it. "But there's something unusual about it…" He focused the lens on the paper and noticed something that was not ink spots. "Hmm, coal dust! The type used in sewer lamps."
Watkins attempted to take a look as well, but Dorlock took the list and ignited it with a match, letting it burn up. "Oh, b-b-b-but Dorlock, I…" Watkins protested.
"Shut up," Dorlock said as he let the ashes of what was once the list fall into a wooden bowl, and then patted down the ashes with a small wooden masher. He went over to his chemistry set, obviously recently assembled as an empty box labeled "ACME JUNIOR CHEMISTRY SET" was close by. Dorlock poured the ashes from the bowl into a glass jar of a yellow chemical, turning it blue. Watkins tried to take a closer look with his bifocals, figuring the vial contained vital information, but Dorlock pushed him aside saying "Excuse me, Watkins." He held up his vial of a red chemical and began to carefully hold it over the vial of blue liquid. "Steady hand…" he muttered as he let a single drop fall of red chemical fall into the vial, causing a puff of smoke that blackened Dorlock and Watkins's faces. The duck detective quickly shook off the soot, noticed the now-violet chemical and set it below a glass spout. He went over to the other side of the chemistry set, turned on a Bunsen burner and watched as the green chemical inside the glass started to make its' way through the tubes.
"Yes, yes, good…" Dorlock muttered. "Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on…" he sang to some kind of tune. As the green liquid flowed through the chemistry set, Dorlock continued, "Yes, yes, good, good. Good, oh no, bad, oh yes, good. Yes, come on…" Soon, a single green droplet was hanging above the vial of the violet chemical containing the remains of the list. "Yes… yes…" Dorlock said intently as he and Watkins watched.
The drop fell and hit the chemical, turning it red with a small puff of smoke. "AHA!" Dorlock exclaimed in triumph as he wrapped an arm around Watkins in companionship and explained, "We've done it, old bean! This reaction could have only been triggered by the paper being soaked in salt water!" As the duck spoke, the red chemical turned clear and watery, and then among moving away from the table, Watkins took a closer look at the chemical with his bifocals. "Ee-ah-be-be-bah salt water? Great Scott!"
Dorlock rummaged through his maps of the London area and told Watkins, "It proves beyond a doubt that this list came from the riverfront area!" Among finding the map of the waterfront area, he pinned it to the wall with his darts.
"Ah, n-n-n-now steady there, Dorlock…" Watkins began.
"No, no," Dorlock interrupted with glee. "Elementary school, my dear Watkins! We merely look for a seedy pub at the only SPOT…" He marked said spot with another dart and continued in a lower, more somber voice, "…where the sewer connects to the waterfront."
…
Much later that afternoon as the fog was thickening, at the waterfront Marc Anthony sat their obediently as Dorlock Homes whispered softly, "Stay, Marc Anthony. Stay." Dorlock was disguised as a sailor captain, wearing the appropriate blue jacket and cap with a pink sweater underneath and a fake mustache, his unlit pipe in his beak. He was walking up to the front door of a pub, named The Half-Mast.
"Uh, Da-ba-dee-da-do-Dorlock?" Dr. Watkins stammered from behind some crates.
"Come, come, Watkins," Dorlock said as he took the pipe out of his beak and gestured towards his partner.
"I feel utter-uh-utt-uh, uh-utter-uh-ba-buh, completely ridiculous," Watkins moaned.
"Don't be absurd," Dorlock insisted. "You look perfect." As he spoke, Dr. Watkins stepped out from behind the crates, dressed as Dorlock's roguish first mate with a head bandana, pirate's earring, eye patch, and a striped shirt much too short for him. He kept trying to tuck it into his pants, but to no avail, as his belly continued to show.
"P-puh-puh-perfect?" Watkins complained. "Perfectly foolish!"
Dorlock shushed him as they opened the front door, indeed showing it was a seedy pub with many of London's lowlifes gathering. Some were smoking, some were playing poker, while others were drinking at the bar, with some of them passed out from the alcohol. At the stage, Elmer Fudd was putting on a juggling act with some balls as Bosko was playing the piano.
"Watkins," Dorlock whispered. "Stay close… and do as I do." He put his unlit pipe back in his beak and signaled the bartender for service as he walked to a table. Watkins copied Dorlock's movements, albeit in a more exaggerated manner. The other bar patrons eyed them suspiciously.
But then a knife landed at the floor in Watkin's path, causing him to stumble and knock a lady's chair forward. The human lady, decked in a sleazy female outfit and smoking a cigarette holder, turned from her Poker game to look at Watkins.
"Oh, uh-ba-be-da-be-uh-I do beg your pardon, M-M-M-Madame…" Watkins stammered. But the lady just blew cigarette smoke into Watkin's face, causing him to start hacking and wheezing! "Ah, that's bad for you!" Watkins choked between coughs.
The woman laughed and said, "Everybody smokes!" She went back to her Poker game as the other players laughed.
Watkins angrily stuttered, "How ru-r-r-ru-r-ru-rud… er, impertinent!"
"Remember, Watkins," Dorlock whispered as he approached his partner, "we're low-life ruffians."
"Well, I was," Watkins tried to explain, "until that…"
But Dorlock just shushed him as they took their seats at a table, and Watkins gave a haughty gesture at the Poker smoker lady.
On stage, Elmer finished his juggling routine, catching the balls in his straw boater hat and bowing, surprised to hear only one member of the audience applauding – Watkins. Everyone else except Dorlock started booing Elmer loudly! "Get off, you hapless bum!" a tough bulldog snarled. Elmer ran for his life offstage as food, beer bottles, and even knives and darts were thrown at the stage!
A human barmaid approached Dorlock and Watkins and asked in a Cockney accent, "What's your pleasure, mates?"
"Uh-eh-ba-be-ba-ah-I'll have a dry sherry, with…" Watkins stuttered in his normal voice, "oh, perhaps a-ta-ti-ta-twist of—"
Dorlock quickly clamped his hand over Watkin's mouth and began speaking in a gruff disguised voice with Cockney accent, making him sound much tougher than he really was, "Two pints for me and my shipmate!" He took the unlit pipe out of his beak and continued to the barmaid, "Oh, by the way, we just got into port. We're lookin' for an old friend of mine. Maybe you know him. Goes by the name…" He then lowered his voice, saying in a register closer to his normal voice, "…of Owen DeCassle!"
Among hearing that, the barmaid, bartender, pianist and everyone else in the pub stopped what they were doing and gasped in fear at the mention of Owen's name, and stared at Dorlock and Watkins in shock.
The barmaid recovered from her shock and, not wanting to admit her knowledge of the criminal mastermind, said, "I, uh… never heard of him." She quickly walked off to prepare their order.
Dr. Watkins was visibly nervous from all the stares, but Dorlock Homes smiled and put his pipe back in his jacket pocket, pleased with the reaction he got. Owen DeCassle's hideout was indeed close by.
Bosko then played a fanfare on his piano as the curtains opened to reveal Merlin the Magic Mouse, who began, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen…" But the patrons all started booing and throwing their food and weapons at the stage. "Aaaah! Stop! Desist!" Merlin cried out as he ran for cover and the curtains quickly closed.
As a knife struck the piano, Bosko winced and nervously began the third act. The patrons were armed with chairs, darts and an ax, ready to throw them at the next performer. But when the curtains opened, the patrons slowly lowered their weapons, for a pretty red-headed human female, Miss Red Hot Riding Hood, stood onstage wearing a pretty red dress with pink skirt, red bonnet hat with feathers, pink gloves, black high-heels and a pink necklace with a small ruby (her outfit from "Tom and Jerry Meet Sherlock Holmes"), holding an umbrella. She began to sing to the patrons…
"Dearest friends, dear gentlemen,
Listen to my song…
Life down here's been hard for you,
Life has made you strong…
Let me lift the mood…
Get an attitude…"
Bosko began to pick up the beat as Miss Red began to strut onstage as everyone was focused on her, swaying their bodies to the song. A wolf (one of Tex Avery's MGM wolves), dressed in elegant clothes and drinking a glass of wine, bugged his eyes out at the sight of the beautiful woman as his bowtie began to twirl around. Dr. Watkins was especially interested, appearing lovestruck, for he had never attended such a performance before.
"Hey, fellas! The time is right!
Get ready! Tonight's the night!
Boys, what you're hopin' for will come true,
Let me be good to you!"
The audience continued watching Miss Red singing and strutting with great interest. Another wolf in the audience widened his eyes, wiggled his ears and stuck out his tongue in lust, and then began to howl but tried to contain himself.
"You tough guys…
You're feeling all alone…
You rough guys…
The best of you sailors and bums,
All of my chums…"
Only Dorlock Homes was not interested in Miss Red's performance. He turned over to the bar to see the barmaid whispering something into the bartender's ear, who discreetly poured something from a suspicious vial into two mugs of beer. Red continued to sing and dance with her umbrella as the other patrons watched with lust, including the wolves in the audience and Dr. Watkins, giving a dreamy look.
"So, dream on, and drink your beer,
Get cozy, your baby's here!
You won't be misunderstood!
Let me be good to yoooou!"
As Miss Red sang, she danced over to behind the curtains and teasingly closed them. But then the rest of the band joined into the song, picking up the beat even more. The curtains then opened again to reveal Miss Red, now without her hat, necklace and umbrella, stripping from her dress and skirt to reveal an even tighter and skimpier red dress with white feathered leotard (her most famous outfit!) Two other female dancers, Penelope Pussycat and Minerva Mink, both of them wearing old pink hats and dresses, joined Red in the number.
"Hey, fellas! I'll take off all my blues!"
The audience went completely wild at this sight! A bunch of the wolves began howling and wolf-whistling in excitement (including not just the Tex Avery/MGM wolves, but also the wolves from the WB cartoons "The Trial of Mr. Wolf," "Little Red Riding Rabbit," "Bacall to Arms," "The Windblown Hare," "The Turn-Tale Wolf," and a wolf resembling one of the wolf fursuits seen in the "Two Guys From Texas" dream sequence), and the other male patrons cheered and whistled in response. One of the MGM wolves began to climb onstage as Droopy attempted to restrain him, but Red casually kicked kicked the wolf down.
"Hey, fellas! There's nothing I won't do, just for you!"
At that lyrics, Miss Red appeared to point and wink at Dr. Watkins, who gave back a bashful smile. As the girls continued dancing to the song and the wolves all whistled and howled and showed several wild take reactions, the barmaid returned to Watkins and Dorlock's table and handed them their beers. "There you are, boys," the barmaid said. "It's, uh, on the house…" She gave them a suggestive smile and left.
Dr. Watkins smiled and said, "Oh m-m-muh-m-muh-muh-mu, how very generous!"
But Dorlock was suspicious from what he had just seen. "Hold it," he said as he swirled a finger in his mug of beer and took a small taste. He winced in disgust, "Eww, Watkins, these drinks have been…" But to his horror, he saw Watkins gulping down his mug of booze. "…drugged!" Dorlock squeaked in fright.
Among finishing the beer, Dr. Watkins drunkedly stammered, "Eh-bee-buh-has a rather nice bite to it, too…" He didn't even stutter that much due to being under the influence and turned to the girls on stage and called out, "Jolly good, ladies! Jolly good! Oh, b-b-b-bravo!"
Dorlock grabbed Watkins in annoyance and said, "Watkins, get ahold of yourself!" But then he heard the sound of a peg leg and turned to spot Wrenchfield, his attention focused on the showgirls as well, and not noticing that Dorlock has spotted him. His peg leg got caught in a hole in the floorboard, causing him to stumble as Miss Red resumed singing…
"So, dream on, and drink your beer,
Get cozy, your baby's here!
Hey boys, I'm talking to you!"
"Well, if it isn't our peg-legged friend!" Dorlock exclaimed. "Woo-hoo! Watkins, what luck!" He turned, only to notice Watkins wasn't in his seat anymore. "Watkins?" he asked and looked toward the stage to discover his partner had joined the girls in dancing! "Watkins!" Dorlock said in panic. As Miss Red took Watkins by the arms and swung him around, Dorlock slapped his forehead in annoyance.
"Your baby's gonna come through!
Let me…
Be good…
To…
Yoooooooooooou!"
As Miss Red held that long note, Penelope and Minerva kissed Watkins on both his cheeks! He giggled and drunkenly twirled right off the stage and onto the piano!
"Yeah!" Miss Red finished the song striking one final pose.
Bosko was angry that Watkins landed on his piano and prepared to hit him with a wooden plank, but just as he took a swing, Watkins slumped down onto the piano keys and Bosko instead smacked right into the head of a big burly man with a shaved head and a thin ginger beard, the Crusher! He stood up with a mean scowl on his face, looking to pick a fight, as Bosko nervously tried to hide the plank, but The Crusher just grabbed him by the neck and raised his fist. Luckily, Bosko ducked down at the last second and the punch instead hit the piano, sending it flying into the bandstand where it crashed like bowling pins, sending the band members and Watkins flying. One of the band members crashed onto a table, spilling a beer mug. Patrons began strangling and hitting each other, and the barmaid and bartender rushed over to try and break up the fight; all the while, Wrenchfield was blissfully drinking a mug of cheap brandy, acting like nothing out of the ordinary was happening. A gun began to fire, breaking some of the lights and partly darkening the pub.
Dorlock Homes had found Watkins passed out and tried to wake him up. "Watkins? Watkins!"
But the sound of gunfire startled Watkins awake, snapping him out of the heavy drug effects. "Ee-ah-be-buh-be-what?" he stammered and turned to see the riot occurring and growing more violent by the minute. "W-w-what the heck's going on?!" he exclaimed in fear.
"I've found our peg-legged…" Dorlock began, but noticed Wrenchfield was gone! "Come on, old fella," the duck said. "There's not a moment to lose!"
As the violence continued, Dorlock spotted a trapdoor behind the bar and figured that was how Wrenchfield escaped. So he and Watkins moved towards it without getting noticed. Watkins climbed down the trapdoor first, followed by Dorlock, who quietly closed the trapdoor right before a chair from the riot crashed into it.
…
Down below, Dorlock and Watkins found themselves in some kind of sewer system. Up ahead, they noticed Wrenchfield humming and scatting the song to himself as he approached a large drain pipe. With a squeak, he climbed into the pipe with his lantern and travel through it, singing the song from earlier. "Let be good to you…" Dorlock and Watkins looked into the pipe and watched as Wrenchfield and his lantern got farther and farther away before disappearing into the darkness. "So, dream on, and drink your beer, your baby's here, be good to you…" he was singing.
"D-D-Do-D-D-Dorlock…" Watkins began.
"Shh! Follow me," Dorlock said as he climbed into the pipe and helped Watkins in. It was totally dark inside the pipe.
"G-g-g-gr-g-great Scott," Watkins complained, "I can't see a thing!"
"Sssh, grab my coat," Dorlock said softly, "and follow me. No, no, no, not that way. Watkins, look out for your…"
But his warning was too late, for Watkins walked right into a sealed cap. "Owwwww!" the pig yelled. "Son of a b-b-b-g-g-gun!" They continued, now going up the pipe. "D-d-d-d-d-do you have any idea where we're g-g-g-going?" Watkins asked.
"But of course," Dorlock softly but confidentially said. "Left turn…. Right, here, doctor…"