Chapter Seven:
Jubilee Gone Wrong
Over at Buckingham Palace in the Grand Hall, the Queen's Diamond Jubilee was just starting. On a balcony, the Shropshire Slasher and Marvin the Martian, in their Royal British Guard disguises, played a fanfare on their trumpets to announce Queen Webster's entrance. A spotlight shone on the platform's curtain as the Robot Queen rolled out and the crowd applauded, so far believing the robot was the actual Queen Webster.
"On this most august occasion," the Robot Queen announced, "we are gathered here, not to only commemorate my 70 years as queen, but, to honor one…"
Two of the "Guards" standing in front of the Queen's platform, Rocky and Mugsy, grinned evilly at each other, knowing the plan was so far going without a hitch. Behind the curtain, Owen DeCassle gave a sinister smirk as he was putting on some kind of outfit and glanced back at Bugs Bunnersham, being forced with a rifle Yosemite Sam was holding behind his back to operate the Robot Queen, speaking into the bell-shaped microphone that transformed his voice into the Queen's and reading off cue cards Bluebeard was holding up.
"…of truly noble… stature," Bugs made the Robot Queen say, nervously running the controls and reading the cue cards. "I present to you, a statesman among people… a gifted leader…"
"A crusader," the Robot Queen continued as it raised its' hand to its' chest as if it were reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, "for justice, freedom and truth…"
As this was going on, Wrenchfield was dragging the real Queen Webster, bound and gagged and trying to cry out, to an exterior balcony. The hunchback said, "Over here, lady. You're a ton, toots!" The Queen glanced at the balcony and her eyes widened in horror among seeing the Tasmanian Devil jumping on a trampoline outside, eager for such a snack fit for a queen. "Here, Tazzy, Tazzy, Tazzy," Wrenchfield called. "Time for human chow!"
Back in the Grand Hall, the Robot Queen continued, "…a majestic mountain of humility, and my new royal consort: Professor Owen DeCassle!"
After the robot said that, Owen DeCassle leaped out from behind the curtains, in his kings' crown and purple robe again, now decorated with a bunch of medals, all of which were fraudulent. The crowed all dramatically gasped in horror. A small boy, Ralph Phillips, blew a raspberry at the evil professor, and his mother quickly covered his mouth.
…
Meanwhile over at the riverfront, Dorlock Homes, Dr. Watkins and Clyde Bunnersham climbed out of a manhole in their plan to get to Buckingham Palace. Watkins was still wearing his pirate shirt, but had removed his pants in an effort to get more comfortable. Dorlock let out a whistle, and the huge bulldog Marc Anthony came running up to them, barking excitedly. "Marc Anthony!" Dorlock called as the giant dog ran towards them and gave Clyde a big greeting lick. "The game's afoot, Marc," Dorlock told the dog. "Our Queen is in mortal danger!"
Marc Anthony stopped panting happily, snarled and put his game face on. He whipped one of his ears into a large staircase shape, enabling Dorlock, Watkins and Clyde to run up onto his neck.
"To Buckingham Palace!" Dorlock ordered, and Marc Anthony ran off barking. They were on their way to save the Queen.
…
Back at Buckingham Palace, Owen DeCassle gave an exaggerated bow to the robotic Queen Webster double. "Thank you, your Majesty," he said, before turning to the crowd. "And now, as your new Royal Consort," Owen continued, "I have a few slight suggestions…" He pulled out a large scroll of paper and let it open, rolling all the way down the Grand Hall aisle and past the curtain, opened by Colonel Rimfire to allow the scroll to go past. Owen then got out his spectacles, cleared his throat, and began reading from the paper, "Item One…"
As this was going on, Wrenchfield continued carrying the bound and gagged Queen Webster on his back, grunting. He didn't let a few kicks to the head from the Queen stop him on his job, though. "Ow, stop that!" he insisted between grunts.
…
On the streets of London, Marc Anthony continued running and barking, carrying Dorlock Homes, Dr. Watkins and Clyde Bunnersham to Buckingham Palace. But when they approached an intersection, a familiar van painted in green, blue and orange colors labeled "The Mystery Machine", swerved and skidded to a halt just as Marc Anthony did so! The van doors opened, and Fred Jones, Daphne Blake, Velma Dinkley, Shaggy Rogers and their dog Scooby-Doo got out! (The gang is presented in their What's New, Scooby-Doo? counterparts here.)
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Dorlock said as he waved his hands at the mystery solving team. "What are you meddling kids doing here?"
"I'm sorry," Fred explained, "we were on our way to solve a case."
"Does it involve saving the Queen from danger?"
Fred gave a bewildered look as he asked, "Hey, how'd you guess?"
"Because I'M working this side of the street!" Dorlock insisted. "Now scram! Go back to chasing vampires in Transylvania or whatever!" He whistled to Marc Anthony and they continued on their way.
"Roh, brother," Scooby-Doo exclaimed as he shook his head.
But Dorlock and his group were able to arrive at Buckingham Palace just in time. They went through a back doorway and hurried to save the Queen, being held high over Wrenchfield's head at the balcony as the Tasmanian Devil leaned up with his jaws wide open. "OK Taz, open wide!" Wrenchfield said as Taz leaned even closer. With a cackle, Wrenchfield said, "Bye-bye!"
But at the last second, Dorlock Homes grabbed the Queen out of Wrenchfield's grip and pulled her back to safety. Without the extra weight of the Queen, Wrenchfield lost his balance when making the plunge motion and started to fall off the balcony instead! But just as the Tasmanian Devil leaped up in an attempt to eat him, Wrenchfield quickly grabbed the balcony and hung on, waving his only foot at Taz and saying, "Down, down, Tazzy! Down!"
But then they heard barking, and saw Marc Anthony was racing towards a nearby trash can that Sylvester the Cat was going through, looking for a meal. Sylvester saw Marc running up to him and barking, yelled in fear and ran for it. The Tasmanian Devil licked his fangs and started spinning after Sylvester and Marc Anthony. Wrenchfield was safe… for now.
…
Meanwhile in the Grand Hall, Owen DeCassle was still reading from his long list of tyrannical laws. "Item 96," he read with a snicker, "a heavy tax shall be levied against all parasites and spongers, such as the elderly…" He looked directly at an elderly old goat in a wheelchair (as seen in "Porky's Hotel") as he said that. "The infirm…" He gestured to Walter Wolf (from Animaniacs) with a cast on his right leg and a crutch. "And especially…" he continued in a threatening tone, before chucking and then saying in a mockingly-sweet tone, "little children!" He leaned over the stage banister and grinned at Ralph Phillips, who gave a threatening look at the evil tyrant-wannabe before his mother pulled him back.
Walter Wolf then hobbled over and said, "That's ridiculous! You're insane!"
Owen frowned and said in a menacing voice, "Perhaps I haven't made myself clear…" He swiped away Walter's cane, causing the old wolf to fall over. "I have the power!" Owen snarled as he bent and snapped the crutch in half to emphasize his point.
"Of course, you do," the robotic Queen Webster replied.
Leaping onto the banister, Owen continued, "I am SUPREME!"
"Only you," the robot Queen agreed as it nodded its head.
"THIS IS MY KINGDOM!" Owen triumphantly announced, tossing his head back and letting out a loud sinister cackle. The crowd all stared in fear under Owen's bulky shadow.
But Owen was unaware of what was going on behind the curtain, where Dorlock Homes had opened the backstage door to find Bugs Bunnersham, still being forced to operate the robot Queen at gunpoint. Dorlock's mind was already hatching a plan that seemed crazy but doable…
Owen then finished his evil laugh and modestly said, "That is, of course, with your highness's permission."
But when the robot Queen Webster didn't respond right away, Weed lightly slapped the back of the robot, starting it up again. "Most assuredly…" it spoke out, before suddenly frowning and adding, "…you in…sidious fiend!"
"What?" Owen softly replied in shock at the response. The rest of the crowd began frowning, figuring something was screwy now.
"You're not my Royal Consort!" the robot Queen said.
Owen covered its' mouth, quickly catching on to what was happening. "What a sense of humor…" he sheepishly said.
But the fake Queen ducked out from Owen's arm and continued, "But a cheap fraud, and impostor!"
"Bunnersham!" Owen shouted at the curtain.
However, Owen was unaware that Dorlock Homes had taken over the robot's controls and was using it to explain the truth about the new "king" of London. As this happened, Bugs and his son Clyde embraced, and Dr. Watkins and the real Queen Webster were tying up Wrenchfield and the other phony guards.
"A corrupt, vicious, demented lowlife scoundrel," Dorlock said into the controls' microphone as he scanned through a thesaurus. "There's no evil scheme you wouldn't concoct!"
With a hard jerk on the controls, Dorlock was able to make the robot Queen West's head bounce up on a spring and bite Owen DeCassle on the nose! The professor quickly forced the head back down, but both arms sprang out and its' left hand formed a fist and socked Owen in the stomach like a novelty boxing glove. He quickly leaped up and hid the robot from behind his robe, grinning sheepishly, but the crowd wasn't buying it anymore. "No depra-ti-vi-tity you wouldn't commit!" the robot Queen continued as it tried to roll out from under Owen's legs, but when that didn't work, it bounced up and sent Owen falling to the ground!
Dorlock, taking great glee in foiling Owen's plan and putting him down at the same time, jerked even harder at the controls and made the robot Queen say, "You, professor, are none other than a foul Stenchus Bestia…" As it spoke, much of the robot fell apart until all that was left was its eyes and jaw on a pile of scrap metal. "…also known as a…" the totaled robot that once resembled Queen Webster was about to finish.
"DON'T SAY IT!" Owen DeCassle cried out as he grabbed the hunk of junk, knowing what it was about to say.
But Dorlock leaped out from behind the curtains and finished it himself. "SEWER BEAST!"
Among hearing that, Owen clutched his head and screamed in agony, detesting being called such a thing.
"Arrest that fiend!" Dorlock shouted, and then he, Dr. Watkins, Bugs Bunnersham and the real Queen Webster ran from behind the curtain and leaped onto Owen DeCassle in an attempt to restrain him. The rest of the crowd advanced on Owen's henchmen in their guard disguises and started fighting with them. Clyde stayed behind the curtain and watched, unaware that Wrenchfield was able to break free from the ropes he was bound in.
…
As that went on, Sylvester loped outside Buckingham Palace yowling, and Marc Anthony followed barking in fear, as they were trying to evade the Tasmanian Devil pursuing them in his usual spinning fashion. But among coming up to a stone fence, Sylvester and Marc ran through the shrubbery in opposite directions from each other, and Taz went through the shrubbery and leaped right onto the fence, thinking he had caught up to his prey. But then he noticed they were nowhere in sight, and when he tried to turn around to look behind him, he stumbled and fell right onto the other side of the fence! After a few seconds, Taz screamed in fear and pain as loud barking and snarling came from the fence, for the Tasmanian Devil had fallen into the enclosure of the royal guard dogs that started mauling him. Taz was defeated. Sylvester and Marc Anthony popped out from the shrubbery and shook their paws in triumph.
…
Back inside Buckingham Palace, a riot had broken out in the Grand Hall with the people who came to attend the Jubilee fighting the phony guards. Dorlock Homes, Dr. Watkins. Bugs Bunnersham, Queen Webster and a few other townspeople were attempting to restrain Owen DeCassle, but he was able to summon the strength to shed his robe and crown, sending his opponents flying. A whistle from one of the balconies grabbed his attention, for Wrenchfield was holding up Clyde Bunnersham. "The bunny, the bunny!" Wrenchfield called out, just as Bugs gave a horrified look. His son was only safe a minute ago!
Owen DeCassle leaped off the balcony, bouncing across two people with a "klonk" on each head, and grabbed a curtain to swing across the hall over to the balcony and snatch Clyde, enough to make Dorlock Jones, Dr. Watkins and Bugs all stop dead in their tracks. "Stay where you are," Owen announced to them as he held Clyde over the edge of the balcony, "or the kid DIES!" They then disappeared behind the balcony curtain.
"Hurry, Watkins!" Dorlock ordered, and the three ran outside just in time to spot Owen DeCassle's getaway blimp sailing away into the sky with Owen, Wrenchfield and Clyde.
"There he goes!" Dorlock called out as he pointed at the airship. Then he quickly turned to his allies and instructed them, "Watkins! Bugs! Gather up those balloons!" As Watkins and Bugs went to untie the many balloons tied to the Buckingham Palace gates, Dorlock lowered the Union Jack flag from the Buckingham Palace flagpole, another crazy plan already brewing in his mind. Owen DeCassle's blimp floated above past the flagpole as this was going on…