Chapter 10
"Put your backs into it, soldiers. We still have way more supplies to unload." Rosaria yelled, leaning against the wall as she balanced herself with the help of her crutches. Squadrons of soldiers were busy unloading supplies and building tents at their first base outside the walls. It took two weeks but they were finally here….. Humanity's first base outside the walls. "Think about the dinner, cadets. We're having stew with bird meat tonight!" Rosaria announced as she looked through her checklist and supervised more and more transportation of supplies. The soldiers cheered, the reward of meat making their arms and legs move faster.
She looked around the base, still no sign of a certain raven-haired Corporal. She sighed and placed her papers down, sitting down on a small stool Samuel had brought her.
That's right, it's been two weeks already.
Rosaria felt something heavy in her chest. After the passionate exchange between her and Levi in the carriage back to Trost, he had barely said anything to her other than a few words here and there related to business. Rosaria knew that Levi wasn't addressing what happened between them, and it was clear that he regretted it. She crossed her arms, feeling even more down than she had been for the past two weeks.
Was it really just a mistake? Was that all he saw me as? A moment of sexual attraction?
Rosaria played back all the memories they shared throughout their time together. Surely, it couldn't have been that shallow right? Rosaria's eyes glazed over with worry. She had known that she started having feelings for Levi for a while now… but she tried to push it away. Rosaria herself had thought that maybe it was just sexual attraction between them. After all, Levi did have the most amazing looking abs under his shirt and the most soft-looking raven hair that she oh so desperately wanted to run her fingers through his undercut. But after two weeks of business only conversation - she felt empty. She didn't realise just how close she was to Levi. How she would literally talk to him and bother him every single day, even if it wasn't for work. She'd make tea for him, talk to him about random things, eat lunch together… and especially after her injury, they were closer than ever.
It was clear for Rosaria, that the feelings she had towards Levi weren't just sexual. It was something deeper, stronger and more vulnerable. The talks they had, how they each opened up about their own insecurities, guilt, grief - it was beyond friends. And Rosaria knew Levi felt the same too - or so she had thought.
"Captain. You've been dozing out the whole hour. Does your ankle hurt?" Samuel asked, standing in front of Rosaria. He was fully healed from his injuries now, except for the tooth Levi kicked out of his mouth. Rosaria blinked. "Ah….. no… It's not the injuries. Could you help bring my things into my tent? I'd like to rest for a bit." Samuel nodded and headed over to grab her things.
Rosaria held her crutch, slowly making her way towards her tent as she was still deep in thought about Levi.
Levi was sitting on top of a tree bark they had cut this morning to serve as a bench. The night was dark and there was a small fire in the middle of the camp. Tents were fully built and functional and everyone has gathered around for dinner after a long day of work. His squad was already chowing down the stew at the end of the makeshift bench, Sasha obviously eating like her life depended on it. Levi balanced the cup on his kneecap, finishing his tea. He narrowed his eyes, gazing at the woman in the makeshift kitchen area.
Rosaria stirred the pot of stew and distributed it into bowls. She had an apron on and was sitting on a stool, her ankle still in a thick cast. She was smiling, making conversation with Armin as he helped her hand out the bowls to the soldiers lined up for dinner. Levi felt his mood turn sour as he watched the two lean in and exchanged words.
Had she always been so close with that brat?
The thought surprised even himself. Since when did he care what her relationship with other people was like? It was none of his business. Rosaria didn't go around asking about Levi's relationship with anyone, so what gave him the right to judge? It's not like they were together, right?
Levi sighed. The feeling of his fingers against her skin and the soft touch of her lips as their tongues melted together was still clear in his mind. He could still imagine the ghost of her fingertips against his neck, pressing into his tense muscles. No matter how much he wanted to, Levi just couldn't seem to shake the memory out of his head. Levi believed it was just a moment of weakness, that he was just sexually motivated at the time - but if that was so, why was it so hard for him to forget the heated and passionate exchange?
Levi knew the actions he made that day was impulsive. It was a line he should never have crossed. How could he have touched his subordinate like that? Especially, someone close to him and would have reason to meet him often. Levi is Rosaria's commanding officer after all. If Rosaria wished, Levi could be immediately charged with sexual assault and removed from the military; or if word had got out that they were having an inappropriate relationship, Rosaria would be forced to transfer to cover up his mistake. Levi scowled, hating the idea. He knew full well how much of a dedicated soldier Rosaria was. His selfish mistake could end up destroying her entire career.
I've already fucked up. I can't drag her further into this.
"Corporal. Here's your stew." Armin said, passing a bowl of hot stew to Levi as he walked over. Levi looked up, surprised. "Thank you." Armin nodded. "There's extra bread for you, courtesy of Captain Rosaria." Armin said, pointing to Rosaria's back. Levi looked over, watching as Rosaria focused on pouring the stew into more bowls. He looked down at the warm and tasty looking stew with bird meat inside, his stomach growling. By the side of the plate, there was a giant loaf of sliced bread.
She's always spoiling me. Even now, when I obviously hurt her.
Levi took the spoon and stirred the stew, putting a mouthful into his mouth. As expected, it tasted amazing. Levi's is reminded of the meal she cooked at their base in Trost a few weeks ago and he feels something shift in his chest. He hadn't realized it before, but Rosaria was always very caring towards him. She'd always make him tea, she even gave him a china teapot, prepared meals for him and made sure he would always eat it. She was too good for this world, and Levi swore that he'd protect her no matter the cost. That was the one thing he was sure of in this cruel world.
And yet, Levi found himself hurting the one person he'd swore to always protect.
"Corporal, it's me. Can I come in?" A voice sounded from outside the tent. Levi looked up from his paperwork and blinked.
I was expecting her to come, but not so soon….
Levi sighed, pinching the skin between his eyebrows. He gets up from his chair and dusts the invisible dust off his uniform. "Come in." Levi sounded normal as usual, not an inch of hesitation; even when he met emerald eyes that sent sparks down his spine. "Corporal." Rosaria speaks, holding her crutches. Levi's eyes quickly scan her from head to toe, noting that he hadn't seen her in formal uniform since she first injured herself. The memory of the blood-soaked uniform plays in the back of his head but he pushes it away and plays the stoic, neutral and cold corporal like he always does.
"Can we talk?" Rosaria asks. Her eyes look tired as if something had been bothering her for the past few weeks. Levi nods, gesturing to the chair that was at the table he was using earlier. "Sit." Levi ordered. Rosaria licked her lips, looking towards the ground. "I'm fine standing. It doesn't hurt that much anyway." Levi could tell she was lying. With the increased movement and supervising around their new base, her injury was sure to heal even slower. At first, Levi was against having Rosaria come with them, he wanted her to heal back in Trost instead of being inside vulnerable territory where they had to be prepared for anything. After all, every soldier was ordered to have their gear on with them at all times now. And here she was - barely able to run if Marley suddenly decided to attack them. She wouldn't be able to use her gear nor defend herself. The image of her lifeless and bleeding out on the tree bark plays in Levi's head and he clenches his fist. The idea of Rosaria being exposed to so much danger and unable to protect herself stirred something in him.
"Fine, but don't complain to me when you get tired." Levi says, crossing his arms. He takes a seat in the chair and faces Rosaria, waiting for her to speak. It's the first time he's seen Rosaria struggle so much to find the right words in front of him. She avoided his gaze and looked downright uncomfortable. Levi gulped, knowing how hard it must have been for her after what he did. "About…. That day, in the carriage back to Trost." She finds the courage to start, her eyes still locked on the ground. "Was that all a mistake?" Rosaria bites her lower lip.
A long silence ensues and neither has the courage to answer. Levi looks at her, opening his mouth. "What happened between us that day… it was my mistake." The words make Rosaria flinch, her eyes looking at him with hurt. "I shouldn't have done that. Especially as your commanding officer. It was unprofessional and shouldn't be tolerated." Levi licks his dry lips, feeling his throat tense. "I'm sorry, Rosaria." Rosaria's lips shake slightly, her throat bobbing. She opens her mouth but no words form and she just stares at Levi, unsure how to react.
"Rosaria?" Her reaction scared Levi. She had had this calm, easy-going and talkative presence. Now, she seemed scared of him. "Was that all I was to you? A mistake?" Her eyes burn into his grey orbs, a mixture of hurt, anger and pain reflected in them. "If things had continued and we had sex - would it still have been a mistake?" Her voice was louder now, anger seething into her tone. "Would it still end up with you discarding me like a one night stand? Am I worth so little?" Rosaria asked, biting down on her lip as she yelled. Tears started dripping down her pale face as she glared at Levi.
Levi gulped, swallowing thickly. He sighed, looking downwards on the ground now. "It's complicated, Rosaria. You're a soldier too. You and I both know romantic feelings will only complicate things in a world like ours." Levi said. Rosaria looked at him with disappointment. More tears flowing down her face. Levi wanted to wipe her tears away, like the time he did when she awoke from her injury. Since that day, Levi was overcome with the duty to protect her to the best of his ability. He never wanted to see her hurt again, physically nor emotionally. Yet now, he was breaking his own promise to himself as he watched those hurt green eyes stare back at him.
"I'm not fragile, Levi. I swore my life to this cause. To the Scouts. To Paradis." Rosaria said, clenching her fists. "I know romantic feelings in the military is difficult, it complicates things. Hell, why do you think I was single after my fiance died?" Her voice sounded sarcastic as hurt laced her every word. Levi was surprised, he didn't know she was engaged once. "I, of all people, know the pain of losing the person you love and swore your life to." Rosaria looked angry now, glaring at him. "But what I'm angry about is not that you don't want a relationship with me, Levi. I'm not a child." Levi was confused now. Then why was she so angry? Why did she look at him with so much hurt and hate in those beautiful eyes?
She takes a deep breath before she opens her mouth. "I'm angry that after all the things we've been through, you're lying to me." Levi's eyes widened. "Do you remember the night I woke up from my injury? What you made me promise?" Levi licks his lips. "Of course. I made you promise that you wouldn't die before me." Levi replied almost instantly. "Considering the weight of that promise, the memories we share, the bond we made…. How could you lie to me and run away from the feelings you have towards me and…. And reduce me to something as shallow as a mistake?" Rosaria yelled, anger in her voice.
Levi sat there in silence, guilt forming in his gut. He couldn't find the words to answer. "Are the feelings you have towards me really that shallow? Do you really not feel anything towards me? Do you only like me for the feel of my lips and the curves of my hips?" Rosaria's voice broke. She couldn't understand why she felt so angry and hurt. They were old enough to accept that romantic feelings weren't always returned, they were soldiers first after all. But now, Rosaria felt like she was reduced to a girl back in the cadet training corps. She felt conflicted and scared, and Levi not addressing things only intensified those feelings of uncertainty.
"No- that's not what I mean-" Levi argued. "Then why are you pushing me away? Why are you keeping me at arm's length, as if you are afraid of hurting me?" Rosaria asked, pleading with her voice. Levi falls silent. "The promise you asked me to make…. Isn't that proof that you feel something more towards me? And that you're pushing me away because it's easier when I eventually die?" Levi stuns, eyes widened. He knows Rosaria hit the nail in the coffin. She was absolutely right. Levi knew that in this world, the people around him would eventually die. He wouldn't be able to save them. He was scared of attachment. He didn't want to start something with Rosaria only to eventually come back to only a corpse on his doorstep.
"I know… you lost a lot of people. And… I'll never be able to understand that pain." Rosaria says, her voice calmer now. "Maybe that's why it's easy for me to admit my feelings, to allow attachment as compared to you…. " Rosaria sighed. "But I thought that with everything we've been through…. you wouldn't push me away. At least not like this." Levi could feel the disappointment in her voice.
"I'm not expecting you to jump at me with open arms for a relationship, Levi. I'm not like other girls." Rosaria laughed to herself. "But I thought you could be honest with me about how you felt towards me. That you could be upfront about it and tell me that it's better if we keep things professional. Not, not just… brush me way after making out with me, you know?" Her voice broke again. Levi bit his lip until it drew blood in his mouth. "It hurts. To feel like a discarded toy. Especially when it's the man you love." Levi's eyes widened. He looks up, meeting her eyes.
"I didn't think I was capable of loving anyone else after my fiance died. I was prepared to die alone. But you…. You proved me wrong." She smiled, tears sliding down her cheeks. "I know I don't mean a lot to you. That at the end of the day, I'm just your subordinate. You may feel something for me, but it's not as deep as what I feel for you. The feelings you have for me… can be easily discarded." Levi grunts, angry. "That's not true. I never said that. Don't put words in my mouth, brat." Rosaria remained silent, shaking her head. "If that's not true, then why are we in this situation right now?" Levi clicked his tongue, closing his eyes.
"I may not be special to you, Levi. But please… don't treat me like a whore. After everything we've been through, that's the least you can do, isn't it?" Levi gulped, feeling the immense need to hit something. He was angry, mostly at himself. "I respect your decision to keep what happened a secret and bury it under the rug. It was a… mistake after all." The words sound harsh and forced from her throat. Levi stared at the ground, unable to meet her eyes. "But let's try not to let it influence our professional relationship. We'll make others uncomfortable if we both behave like this." Rosaria wiped the tears away from her face.
"That's all I came to say. Goodnight, Corporal." Rosaria clutched her crutches and turned her back towards Levi, heading for the opening of the tent. Levi turns his head, watching her retreating form. He wanted to run towards her, hold her hand and bury her head in his chest and apologize and beg for her forgiveness and tell her she was wrong, that he did want to be with her. He reached his arm out, standing up. He opened his mouth, but before words couldn't form - and loud yells were heard outside the tent.
Rosaria and Levi flinched, suddenly aware of the panic in the air. Within seconds, a yell sounds from outside the tent. "Corporal Levi! There's an emergency!" A cadet says. "A scout ship from Marley docked on our shores." The air is knocked out from Rosaria's lungs as she processes the words. She turns her head, watching as Levi's face turns from guilty and torn to something cold and unreadable.
"How many do we have?" Levi asks, blades drawn out in his hands. A total of five men in white uniforms were kneeling on the ground, hands tied to their backs and surrounded by the entire Scouts squadron currently on base. "The team we captured has five men in total. The others are still onboard the ship at the shore. They're likely waiting for contact from this team." Armin said, looking down at the Marleyan soldiers. "We have to send Eren and destroy their ship. Who knows how many are arriving onshore at this very moment?" Levi grunts.
"No. We can't start a war. This is our first contact with people with Marley. If we talk it out, things could change. They would know we're not island devils-" Levi clicked his tongue. "They sent four titan shifters dressed as kids to our island and killed millions of innocent women and children." Levi answered, glaring at Hanji. "Do you think they'd be up for sitting down over tea and talking about peace at this point, Hanji?" Hanji bit her lip. "After everything's that happened, it's exactly why we can't act rashly and destroy their ship. What kind of message would that be to Marley? We would be exactly the island devils they call us and invite Marley to continue the war with us." Armin said, eyes meeting Levi's. "If there's a chance for negotiation, we have to at least try. Or else more and more people will only die." Levi clicks his tongue.
"I agree with Armin. We have to try. Marley and the world have the wrong idea of us. If we can change that, things can be different." Hanji said. Eren looked at them, a frown on his face. He wasn't interested nor entertained the idea of peace talks. It all seemed futile to him when he knew a glimpse of what the future would be like already. "Then what do you suppose we do? Invite the Marleyans for tea in our humble tent?" Levi asked. He then looked at a blonde man in the middle of the circle, shaking.
"Oi. Blonde Marleyan. You look like you're about to piss yourself." The man flinches, eyes shaking with fear. Levi walks over to him and points his sword in front of the man's face. "The island devils would like to invite you for tea and discuss how we can avoid killing each other. What are your thoughts?" The man gapes, wondering if this would be the last breath he takes. "M-Marleyans don't negotiate with dirty island devils who threaten our entire nation!" Levi clicks his tongue, inching the blade closer to his face. The man squirms.
"You have your answer, Hanji." Levi said. "What's your name?" Rosaria asks, kneeling down to look at the blonde man on the same eye level. He squirms, glancing at Levi's blade still in front of his face. Rosaria grabs the blade and shoves it away, glaring at Levi. "He can't talk with a blade in his face, Corporal." Rosaria taunts. She averts her gaze back to the Marleyan. "We won't hurt you. I promise. My name's Rosaria." Rosaria smiled gently. "Could you tell me your name?" The man glares in suspicion, wondering briefly if this was all a trap. "N-niccolo…" Niccolo answers anyway.
"Nice to meet you, Niccolo. We're Eldians from Paradis. I know you're afraid of us, but don't you think I look like a normal human just like you?" Niccolo wonders the question in his head, agreeing in his head that they all looked normal. "Don't believe what she says, Niccolo! She's an island devil who will devour us like all titans!" A Marleyan soldier yells as he trashes against the restraints. He meets Rosaria's eyes, his eyes filled with hate and disgust. Levi clicks his tongue, anger boiling in his blood. He grabs the soldier by the hair at the back of his head and pulls him up easily to meet his eyes. "You should be careful of your words. I can't bite your head off like a titan but I promise I can stab your eyes from the back of your skull." The soldier flinches, squirming in fear.
Rosaria sighs. "Hanji, we can't talk to them forever. There's still Marleyan soldiers on the ship. Who knows if they've already contacted Marley and are planning an all-out war?" Armin said. Hanji nodded. "But they're so far away, how would they be able to contact Marley?" Sasha asked, dumbfounded. "Judging from this… it looks like it's capable of transmitting messages." Armin holds out a strange looking device with antennas. "It was found on one of the Marleyans. If I press this…" Armin pressed one of the buttons. 'Alpha team, respond. This is Beta. Requesting response-' The device plays the voice and everyone except Armin and Levi flinch. "It's from the soldiers on the ship. They're waiting for a response." Hanji gulped.
"We can't wait any longer." Hanji said. "It's almost been two hours since we captured them." Levi nodded. "Eren, you need to transform and stop them from escaping. Scare them a little." Eren nodded, taking off his gear. "Niccolo, my friend. You'll need to play along, understand? We're not trying to hurt you, you have to trust us." Hanji smiled forcefully, her face inches away from Niccolo's. Niccolo gulped, fear in his eyes. Levi sliced the restraints off Niccolo and aimed the blade behind Niccolo's back. "Try anything funny and I'll make sure you die on Paradis' shores, understand?" Levi threatened. Niccolo squirms.
"Levi squad, get into position by the shore. Rifles in position and do not shoot unless necessary. Jean and Armin, both of you are the brains. Use your professional judgement." Rosaria ordered, throwing the rifles at each one of them. "Squad two and three, follow Levi Squad." The soldiers nodded. "Everyone else, gear up and get ready to protect this base." Rosaria meets Levi's eyes briefly but turns away. "Sacrifice your hearts, soldiers." Rosaria says as she salutes, seeing Levi and the others off.
Rosaria knew for the first time that the peace in Paradis was slowly coming to an end and war was approaching.
Author's notes:
We're starting to incorporate more of the actual events in the timeline so expect a bit more action scenes in the lineup. Though it seems we're going off course the LevixRosaria train, rest assured things are set in motion and there will still be a lot of fluff, angst and jealousy in the coming chapters. I personally feel that Levi wouldn't engage in a relationship even if he did love someone, mostly because he keeps losing people and he wouldn't want to grow attached to anyone. I mean look at Erwin, he pushed the love of his life away to Nile. So... let's hope Levi will open up to love slowly with time.
Didn't get a lot of reviews for the previous chapter despite it being our first mild-NSFW scene chapter so I'm a little disappointed... so please leave a review whenever possible, it means a lot to me :)