Chapter 12
Jean narrowly avoided the teapot that was thrown in his face as he shielded Hanji. "Levi! You almost broke Jean's face!" Hanji yelled from behind Jean. Levi grunted, eyes glancing across Jean's scared face and then the broken teapot on the ground. "You're right, I fucking missed." Levi said through gritted teeth. "Levi, do you even hear yourself?! Just calm down!" Hanji yelled, grabbing Jean's shoulders as she moved the taller man like her makeshift shield. "Calm down? You're going against my orders to keep my subordinate safe when she can't even fucking walk!" Levi growled.
He was furious. More so than he had ever been with Hanji. Levi knew he really shouldn't be acting this way with his own commanding officer, even if it was Hanji and she deserves all the slurs and threats Levi has given her; but gods - he was so fucking pissed. Bad enough that Rosaria thinks that Levi was trying to transfer her and send her away after his stupid and selfish behaviour, now she let Hanji in on this and she wasn't letting Levi have his way and actually try to keep an injured, defenceless soldier safe.
"She's a soldier first, Levi. Don't bring your personal feelings into this." Hanji threatened. "It may not seem like it but I'm in full support of anyone having feelings for you, even if they are your subordinate." Hanji started. Jean raised an eyebrow, suddenly confused. "But you cannot deny that she's an important asset right now, regardless if she has a broken ankle or not. We need someone in leadership to oversee this entire base and all of the soldiers when you or me are busy with the volunteers and Rosaria is the only person who fits that role." Levi clicked his tongue. "Yes, she's injured. Yes, she cannot protect herself and I understand your concerns and want to send her back to HQ. But I've already made preparations and a real doctor will be coming to oversee her therapy and make sure she recovers on track!" Levi slammed his fist on the table.
"Don't you play with the life of my injured subordinate, Hanji." Levi yelled. "I saw her lifeless and bleeding to death in that forest in Trost after Samuel's little mishap. I do not take my subordinates' life lightly at all." Hanji swallowed, watching Levi's eyes turn a cold and steely grey. "I am her commanding officer and I deem it too much of a risk for her to stay here when we have Marley prisoners locked up and Volunteers who follow that asshole Zeke and will stab us in the back when the time is right." Levi walked up to Hanji, his eyes glaring into hers with anger and rage. "Who knows if this is all a plan from Marley? Maybe they even sneaked a titan shifter among the volunteers and are waiting to kill us all when we sleep in our tents? We all know how sneaky these bastards are. Do you really think this is a low threat, Hanji?" Jean sighed, feeling the weight of Levi's words. Jean too was cautious of the volunteers, it all seemed too good to be true to suddenly have allies when the entire world is scared of Paradis.
Hanji sighed. "Yes, they are risks. Very real risks. And I'm not trying to downplay the severity of the situation we're in. But Rosaria swore to the Scouts and she's a full-fledged Captain who can handle those risks. Do not question me any further, Levi. I've already made up my mind and that's an order." Hanji said. She rarely tried to go against Levi and play the 'commander card', but it was the only way to get her point across and force Levi into submission.
Levi clicked his tongue, grabbing Hanji's collar and glared into her eyes with a scowl. Jean stepped in, grabbing Levi's wrists and trying to pull him away. Jean eventually manages to pull Levi away with much struggle and earns a glare strong enough to slice titans in half from Levi and shivers almost immediately. "Out of my way, horse face." Levi growls. Jean sighs, stepping aside. Hanji tenses, expecting Levi to punch her but instead, he storms out of the tent. Jean sighs in relief, tumbling to his knees on the ground.
Hanji sighs too, watching the space that Levi had just stood seconds ago. "I know you're mad, Levi… but I'm doing this for you. You'll thank me one day, or at least I hope." Hanji whispered.
Rosaria tensed, leaning against the wall as she watched Levi sit in the chair and quietly sip his tea. It was earl grey, and the elegant aroma of the tea leaves caressed Rosaria's nose. Levi looked at Rosaria who was sitting across him from the table. "What are you being shy for, brat? You've been staring at my teacup for five minutes now." Levi growled impatiently. Rosaria closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. She was thoroughly embarrassed now and contemplated lying and saying she didn't want the tea, but Levi would definitely see through that lie and it would just cost more damage to her pride.
Levi clicked his tongue and grabbed the empty teacup from the other end of the table. He then takes the teapot and tilts it, watching the reddish-brown liquid pour out from the opening and filling the teacup slowly. He then pushes the teacup towards Rosaria, raising an eyebrow. "What? Can't even pour yourself tea now?" Levi asked. Rosaria slowly grabbed the teacup and brought it to her lips.
"T-thank you." Levi seems to calm down and stops teasing her after hearing the satisfactory words from her mouth. Rosaria sips the tea, letting the warm liquid calm her down. A few silent minutes pass by before words are heard outside the tent. "Corporal, the doctor has arrived." Rosaria's eyes brighten at the words and stands up. "Let him in." Levi says, still seated comfortably in his chair.
A man with short brunette hair and big, bright blue eyes enter. He was dressed in clean, pristine clothing and had a long khaki-coloured coat draped over his tall, slender body. The man enters and meets Levi's cold eyes first, before shifting around the room and meeting Rosaria's warm eyes. "Rose!" The man greets, putting down his heavy bag and opening his arms as he rushes towards her. Rosaria is picked up into the air by the tall man before her face is crushed in his chest. Levi grunted, suddenly feeling angry.
Rose?
"Ronnie! It's been so long!" Rosaria said, giving the man a hug. He gives a good scan of her from head to toe and gives a disapproving look. "Rose… are those burns scars I see?" Rosaria licks her lips nervously. "You have a sharp eye as usual don't you, Ronnie? It seems like you know my body more than I do." Levi clicks his tongue. He stands up from his seat and gives a cold glare towards the doctor.
"I didn't know you were on friendly terms with your new doctor, Rosaria. Care to explain?" Levi asked. "Ah… this is Ronnie Lang. He's a certified doctor in Wall Sina and he has his own practice. We're friends." Rosaria explained. The man smiles at Levi. "Actually, it's Rosaria's clinic; she just left me to take over after she so rebelliously left for the military years ago." Levi raised an eyebrow at Rosaria. "My father owned a medical practice in Wall Sina when he was still alive. He tried to make me take over the practice and sent me to medical school. That's where I met Ronnie." Ronnie laughed. "And then you decided to play the rebellious daughter and ran away to join the military. And got engaged. A beautiful and cliched love story, isn't it?" Rosaria blushed.
"And one that ended in tragedy." Rosaria replied. Ronnie looks at Rosaria, wondering if something shifts in those warm emerald green eyes of hers but he finds nothing. "You don't have to spill the beans on my entire childhood you know, Ronnie. Corporal's a busy man and has way more important things to worry about." Levi grunted. "Ah yes, where were my manners. Nice to meet you, Corporal Levi." Ronnie smiled and reached a hand out to Levi. Levi narrowed his eyes before briefly taking his hand and shaking it with all the strength he had. "Can't say the feeling's mutual." Levi threatened. "Right, let's get down to business, shall we? I'm sure the ride was long and unfamiliar. Tea?" Rosaria asked.
Ronnie nodded. "I've been briefed that I'll be expected to stay for two days every week to oversee your therapy, and any related after-care to your injuries." Rosaria nodded, pushing the teacup to Ronnie. "Though I wasn't informed on how you sustained the injuries, since they told me it was classified information." Levi leaned back in his chair. "Some brat on her team made a mistake that almost cost her life. It's a miracle you're still talking to her, doctor." Levi said, sipping his tea. Ronnie stared at Rosaria with a disapproving frown. "Comes with the job, Ronnie. Don't give me that look." Levi raised an eyebrow.
"Every time I see you it seems the more battered and bruised you are, Rose. I… worry." Levi narrows his eyes at the young man. He was probably the same age as Rosaria, younger even. "Don't be. You know perfectly well I can take care of myself." Rosaria confidently replies. "Long story short, it was a training accident. I've sustained a broken ankle and broken ribs - both of which are healing just fine. The burns scars… are healing as well, slower than I'd like, unfortunately." She hands some papers and files over to Ronnie. "...You've been applying a homemade blend of mugwort and tea tree for the burns?" Ronnie asked as he scanned the papers. Rosaria nodded.
"Looks like you still remember the things they taught us at medical school." Ronnie replied. "Medical school?" Levi asked. He roughly remembers Rosaria saying that her father owned a medical practice and she learned a thing or two, likely from the time she gave him a massage and expertly saw through his minor injuries. Though, Levi doesn't remember anything about medical school. "I was briefly enrolled. Before I joined the military. It's where I picked up my excellent ability to sew stitches. Comes in handy in the Scouts, doesn't it?" Rosaria replied.
"Right…." Levi answers. Something didn't sit right with him. He was fairly close with Rosaria, more so than anyone in his life. Yet, there were so many things he didn't know about her. In fact, Rosaria knew a lot about Levi that most people wouldn't know. His favourite teas, his favourite detergent, bits and pieces of the people he lost. Levi sat still in his chair, watching her interact with her childhood friend. They looked comfortable despite not having seen each other in very long. They look close, happy even. Levi wondered if they were lovers once, or even now. It would be none of Levi's business and he shouldn't even be bothered by his subordinates' personal affairs; she was still young and beautiful after all. Levi imagined there must be a lot of suitors who have asked for her hand in marriage. The thought of her tucked safely away behind Wall Sina and holding another man's arm popped into Levi's mind. A loving husband, a simple life behind the walls, away from the blood and death on the front lines. She'd be happy and safe, but Levi would never see Rosaria's beautiful face or her smile or enjoy the tea she would brew… ever again.
That thought… drew a bitter taste in Levi's mouth.
"How does it feel?" Ronnie asked, looking down at Rosaria. Rosaria tilted her head and focused her strength on her now cast-free ankle, but it didn't move. "Feels like a heavy brick. I can't even move my toes." Rosaria replied. Levi had left shortly after to attend to business with a grim and sour face, more so than usual; which left Rosaria and her childhood friend alone in the tent to catch up. "That's normal. Blood circulation should come back in about 24 hours." Ronnie said, putting away some papers. "Then once you're able to move and feel your leg normally, we move on to therapy. You'll need to slowly build your muscles that were dormant for very long…" Rosaria sighed. "How long do you think it would be until I can wear my gear again?" She asked, eyes filled with determination.
"While most girls would be worried about the scars and injuries they've sustained, you're eager to return to the front lines. Seems like you haven't changed… Rose." Ronnie said. "Well…. I'm sworn to my duty as a soldier." Rosaria crossed her arms and looked up at the taller man. Ronnie looks down at his childhood friend, a wave of memories come flashing through his mind. "Even if he is no longer here?" Ronnie asks boldly. Rosaria's eyes widened. She shifts uncomfortably in her seat. She knows who exactly Ronnie is referring to and it draws a bitter taste in her mouth.
Rosaria turns her back to Ronnie, fingers trailing her collarbone as she searches for the familiar silver necklace. "Yes." Rosaria replies, finding the simple silver ring attached to her necklace. She fumbles it in her fingers and caresses the familiar band. "I will give meaning to his death, even if it results in mine." Rosaria says, eyes shifting an icy cold green that Ronnie had rarely seen. Ronnie kneels down to meet Rosaria's eye level.
"Rose…" Ronnie holds Rosaria's fingers in his bigger hands. Rosaria looks down, wondering to herself that Ronnie's hands were smooth and signalled a life of peace, while her own was calloused and scared and tainted with blood that would never be washed off. "You know there's always another path in life. You don't have to throw your life away like this." Ronnie pleads in a quiet whisper. Rosaria doesn't speak, she just stares at her childhood friend. "You know I'm always here, waiting for you." Ronnie says, stroking her thumb with his own.
"If you ever decide to leave this life, understand that I'll welcome you with open arms." Ronnie says with a determined voice. "Ronnie…." Rosaria whispers. "I don't need an answer. It's an indefinite offer, Rose. One that's been offered even before you left for the military." Ronnie gets up and moves the papers back into his bag. "All you have to do is accept it."
Rosaria closes her eyes and sighs.
"Corporal. It's Ro-" The flap of the tent zips open before Rosaria can finish her sentence. She's greeted by a shirtless Levi who gives a bored nod before returning back to his table. Rosaria hesitantly enters, limping behind Levi as she holds her crutches. Rosaria's eyes roam hungrily around the curves and scars of Levi's back, every protrude of his bones and veins and battle scars enticing her to brush her fingers against it. "How's your ankle?" Levi breaks Rosaria's thoughts. "I-it's good. The feeling hasn't completely returned yet so I still need crutches." Rosaria stutters.
Levi raises an eyebrow. He turns, leaning against his table as Rosaria blushes, having a full view of Levi's abs. "I assume you're having a wonderful time catching up with that doctor friend of yours, huh?" Levi said through gritted teeth. "Oh… Yeah. It's been a while since we last saw each other after all." Rosaria replied honestly. Levi felt a twitch in his blood and turned his back towards her. "I see." Levi said. Levi unfolds the stack of clothes on his desk and straightens them out.
"Oh, have the new uniforms arrived?" Rosaria asks. Levi lets his fingers brush through the odd material of their new uniforms. "They just did this morning. Hanji asked me to be the guinea pig and give my thoughts on this brainchild of hers and the volunteers." Levi grimaced. "You mean Onyankopon, he has a name and he's actually really nice. Can't say the same for Yelena though… She gives me a bad vibe." Levi nodded. "Big blonde tops the list of people I don't trust, right behind Zeke Yeager." Levi says as he puts the black skin-tight uniform over his head. The material stretches and outlines every curve and taut muscle in Levi's biceps and abs. "Oh, you have it on the other way…." Rosaria finds herself adjusting the uniform and her fingers brush against Levi's cold skin. She adjusts the thing until it hugs Levi's body comfortably and gives a satisfied nod.
"How does it feel?" Rosaria asks. "A little tight. Especially the biceps." Levi says as he flexes the muscles on his biceps. "It's stretchable. It'll loosen up after a few uses." Rosaria says. "Where's your gear? I'll help you put it on." Rosaria said. Levi points to the chunk of metal over at the edge of the table. "With the new uniforms, the way we put on our gear is different as well." Rosaria explains. She was in charge of overseeing the new designs of the uniform and gears after the volunteers kindly offered an upgrade and knew perfectly well how it worked. "The metal plates on the chest go on first…." Levi finds her soothing voice relaxing as her gentle fingers work on touching his torso. "Then there's the straps that go here and here… then the…." Levi found his eyes following her every small movement. The brush of her fingertips against the thin material of his uniform. The feel of her fingers as it pressed into the curve of his spine as she tightened the straps. Then her eyes, calm and focused but often meets his cold, steely ones in brief glances.
Rosaria casually kneels down, her hands on the straps on Levi's thigh. "Oi, you shouldn't kneel. Your ankle is still-" "It's fine, Corporal. It doesn't hurt anymore. This strap here is a little loose… You need to…" Her fingers brush the thin and stretchable material of his pants in gentle strokes. Levi feels a shudder down his spine as he looks down at her, watching her in a dangerously enticing position that Levi had no doubt imagined several times in his head before. He gulped. "...It's this new quick dry-fit material that dries easily. Smells better too since we sweat a lot." Rosaria said, looking up at Levi. She places a hand on Levi's right thigh. "This is where the blades go now, but it's vertical instead of horizontal. Easier to sit down as well even with the blade box." Her fingers then land on his wrist and the other on his thigh as she tries to get up.
Levi pulls her gently, his hand placed on her back and the other on her thigh. Their noses touch and their eyes meet for a brief second before Levi clears his throat. "This is where thunder blades go…" Levi feels her draw a circle on his arm. He then feels a tingle at his throat when she adjusts the material of the uniform on Levi's neck. "Hm, I like this turtleneck design. It looks good on you, Corporal. Accentuates your broad shoulders and neck." Rosaria says. "Though it feels like something is…. Missing." Rosaria says.
Levi looks at himself and tilts his head. "The cloak." Levi says. He grabs his old one from a drawer and puts in on, clasping the button together. Rosaria takes a good look and shakes her head. "The green stands out too much. The whole idea of the new uniform is to blend in discreetly and not attract attention since we're fighting against intellect humans and titans, not pure titans anymore." Levi frowned. "No. The cloak stays on." Rosaria raised an eyebrow. "I think most would agree with me that the cloak is unnecessary. The scout's insignia is clearly seen on the breastplate…. And the green stands out too much." Levi fumbles with the soft material of the cloak, tattered and worn in odd places. He remembers the meaning of this cloak, how it was handed to him with Isabel and Farlan before their first expedition. This cloak, the cloak of humanity's freedom - weighs heavily on Levi's shoulder. With each death of his comrade, the weight of the cloak turns heavier and heavier. To Levi, the cloak is an embodiment of his dead comrades, that they are still here with him, fighting with him, lending him their strength.
"No. It stays. This cloak… carries the lives of our dead comrades. It symbolizes our cause, our fight for humanity's freedom. Our comrades died for this cloak, and so will I." Levi's words are firm. Rosaria licks her lips, meeting Levi's eyes. She finds something shifting in them and she curiously wonders what it is. "Levi….." Rosaria whispers hesitantly. She finds herself lost in his eyes, tired from countless battles, drained from seeing countless comrades die before him, guilt-ridden from watching the people he valued the most torn to shreds and unable to save them. She's reminded of the words from Levi's mouth when he was having a nightmare - the names of his dead comrades, Zeke, Erwin, Petra…
How heavy those shoulders of his must be to carry the weight of so many deaths.
Her hands brush against his, static pulsing through their skin. Levi finds his hands itching to touch her, her milky soft skin, her luxurious blonde hair, her small waist - but he stills his discipline and clearly remembers the consequences of his actions. "Do you hate me, Rosaria?" Levi finds himself asking. The question surprises even himself, but it's too late to take it back now. Rosaria's eyes widened. She thinks about it for a while. "No, I don't." She replies. She doesn't meet his gaze. "I intend to keep my end of the bargain and pretend that it never happened." Rosaria says, stepping away from Levi. Levi finds his throat especially hoarse, as if there were many words he wanted to say but couldn't. "I hope you can keep your end of it and try not to send me away again." Levi sighs and crosses his arms. "That's not what I intended, Rosaria."
Rosaria gulps. "Then why?" Levi shakes his head. "You're injured! You can't protect yourself! If a titan-shifter is hidden in the volunteers and attacks us, you'd be the first one to die!" Levi found himself yelling. Rosaria hesitantly meets his eyes. "I can protect mysel-" Levi reached forward and grabbed her shoulders, his fingernails digging into her skin. "No, you can't. You don't know what war looks like. You've never faced a titan shifter and their abilities. How easy it is to die like a toy in their hands." Levi says through gritted teeth. Rosaria scowled and clenched her fists. "I know I lack actual combat experience with titans and titan shifters but don't you dare undermine my abilities to lead and throw my life away for this cause when the time comes, Levi!" Rosaria yelled, hurt and anger in her voice.
"I don't doubt your ability to be a soldier, Rosaria." Levi growled, his fingers clenching her shoulders. "Then why are you so obsessed with sending me away, Levi?" Rosaria asks. Levi opens his mouth but no words form.
Levi thinks it over in his head. Why is he so obsessed with sending Rosaria back to HQ, out of reach of threats and enemies from Marley? Is it purely just his responsibility as a commanding officer to protect his subordinate? Was it that simple? Could Levi say with confidence that romantic feelings really had no part in his choices and actions?
"Why do you push me away, Levi? If you really reject me and my feelings… Can't you just say it to my face? Do you know how confusing it is for me?" Levi swallows, his grip on her shoulders lessen. Levi's face darkens, his eyes clouded with a darkness that only showed when he saw the corpses of his comrades. His eyes meet Rosaria's green eyes and Rosaria's lips tremble. She's never seen that face on Levi before; one of despair, devoid of hope - as if he had to bury all his emotions deep underneath a boulder he called his heart and hope to become the stone-cold corporal everyone envisions him to be.
"Rosaria." Levi's voice is husky and deep. "Listen closely, I won't repeat it twice." Rosaria's voice trembles. "I'm not the person you think I am. I'm cold and ruthless and a stone-cold killer. I've tortured others. I've violently hacked others to pieces. The person you see me as is a lie." Levi's voice is cold as ice. "Throw away your feelings for me." Rosaria stares into blank, cold grey eyes that she once thought were beautiful and warm under the sunlight. "I can never return those feelings." Levi's voice is hoarse as if his throat was burning. "It's for your own good to discard those feelings now... Because when I die, all you will feel is regret and hurt and pain. You'll wish you never felt any attachment. You'll be forced to suffer in grief, alone." Rosaria gasps, choking in a cry. "You've experienced it once before, haven't you? Tell me, has that pain faded completely?"
Rosaria stills, her mind blank. "That ring on your neck…" Levi points out to the shimmery silver object on her collarbone. He remembers looking at it several times when he was carrying her naked body to the bathroom. He remembers staring at it when she had to change her clothes in front of him. He didn't know what that ring meant until the doctor friend of hers decided to blabber about her engagement; only then did Levi finally understand. "It's your dead fiance's, isn't it?" Levi says. Rosaria's mouth trembles.
"Do you really think you're ready to love again, Rosaria? After having him eaten in front of your eyes by a titan?" Tears fell from Rosaria's eyes, her breathing rapid as she clenched her fists. She stays silent for a few minutes, biting her lower lip till blood drips down from her mouth. Levi is utterly unprepared when he feels a sting of pain on his left cheek as Rosaria slapped him hard across the face. Levi doesn't flinch. He expects to feel anger, but all he feels is sadness and guilt. In fact, he hopes the pain lingers as punishment for his words against the woman in front of him.
Rosaria's eyes are red and tired as they glare at Levi with anger and hurt. "For humanity's strongest, you sure are a coward, Levi." Rosaria says through gritted teeth. "You can deny my feelings, push me away, pretend you don't feel anything and hide your emotions like the veteran soldier you are… but don't drag my dead fiance into this." Rosaria warns. "I understand your feelings, your fear…. That you don't want attachment. Hell, you think I don't know we're putting our lives on the front lines of this war and there's no guarantee we'll see tomorrow?" Levi lowers his head. "But that doesn't mean you get to use my dead fiance as an excuse for your inability to return my feelings. Don't manipulate my grief and pain and turn it into your weapon. Don't put words in my mouth and pretend you know what I feel." Levi swallowed.
"You asked me if I was prepared to love again after seeing my fiance eaten to bits in front of my eyes six years ago?" Rosaria grabs Levi's neck and pushes his face to meet her eyes, so close that their noses touch. "Let me make it clear to you, Levi Ackerman." Levi feels her fingers dig into the skin of his throat through the uniform. "If I knew you were going to die in the hands of a titan tomorrow, I'd still love you. I'd still choose you." Levi watched Rosaria's eyes tremble with anger. "I'd kiss you right here, right now and fuck you till our bodies no longer can." Levi's eyes widen. "Then even when the sun comes up and I know you will die, I will grab your blades and uniform and help you put them on. Then, I'll see you off at death's door with a heavy heart." Rosaria felt the tears at the edge of her eyes.
"Does that make it clear, Levi?" Rosaria asks. "Do my feelings still look like a joke to you?" Levi gulped. Rosaria loosens her grip and lets Levi go. She watches him carefully, taking in his expression before she turns her head and walks away. Levi sighed and punched his table, feeling the blisters of his skin as the wood broke in splinters.
Author's notes:
Updating with a heavy heart as I just read Chapter 138 of the manga and watched the latest episode of the anime. I don't want the next episode to happen… it's gonna break my heart watching Levi in pain. Anyways, is anyone here obsessed with attack on titan tiktok because my fyp is filled with tiktoks of Levi seductively saying "Kamona '' and fanarts of him shirtless. Nope? Just me? Alright then…. *laughs in thirsty*
As always, please leave a review!