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He regretted agreeing to the Pilot Purgatory Program the second he heard his partner's voice.

"Come on St. Pete, I think it's a more than fair trade off! I do this good deed, teach you how to ride a motorcycle, and you help me reduce my purgatory sentence. Everyone wins."

St. Pete shook his head. "The goal of purgatory is to repentant of your sins, not pay your way out of purification."

"But it worked for people in the Middle Ages. They paid an indulgence and left purgatory."

"Actually they just paid to build churches. Their monetary contributions had no effect on their sentences."

"They were onto something though. If you agree to my terms, we both get what we want. Isn't that what heaven is all about: getting everything you want?"

"No, it isn't."

Severus and Dismas stepped over a tall cumulus cloud, exposing the view of two men standing before a shimmering golden gate. St. Pete was dressed in a red cossack, with golden stitching. His silver sandals exposed a knotted scar on each of his feet. His well trimmed beard went down to his chin, and his eyes were coffee brown.

The other man was Sirius Black in a white robe.

"My offer still stands. You don't know what you're missing," Sirius continued. "Riding a motorcycle was one of the great joys of my life. It could be the great joy of your afterlife too if you try it."

"I am sure that I will find time to ride a motorcycle between now and the end of eternity with or without your help."

"Oh you want my help. I know the best motorcycle to ride and how to dress so everyone will notice you."

"Everyone notices me just fine."

Severus stopped. Dismas took two steps ahead of him before pausing.

"They notice you for all the wrong reasons. They think you look…"

St. Peter gave him a look.

"Interesting." Sirius drawled. "You look very interesting, but you could look even more so.'"

St. Pete rolled his eyes.

Dismas approached Severus. "Is everything okay?"

"What is Sirius doing here?" Severus hissed.

Dismas gestured for him to follow. Severus stayed in place.

"You look nice, but there's always room to improve one's appearance. I can help update your style so you look like you're from the last century."

St. Pete groaned.

"Just think about it," Sirius gave him a look that made most used car sales people appear honest. "I think we'd make a great team."

"Speaking of team!" Dismas took Severus' hand and thrust him forward. "I found your partner for the Purgatory Program."

Sirius' grin evaporated.

Severus scowled as his glow became a dull red.

Dismas stopped when he and Severus were only two meters from the other men. "Sirius, you and Severus will be working together to perform a good deed and reduce your purgatory time."

"Reduce?" Severus barked. "I thought I was getting out of purgatory altogether."

"You are," Dismas replied. "This good deed is worth a hundred years. Your sentence is only one hundred years so you won't need to do anything else once this is done."

Severus crossed his arms over his chest.

"Sirius' was a bit longer. He's going to need a few more good deeds before he's allowed to enter the pearly gates."

"And one of these good deeds will not consist of him teaching me how to ride a motorcycle," St. Pete cut in.

Severus' scowl became a smirk.

Now Sirius was red. "How can he only have a century when I have a millennium? He's killed people! I fought for the Light! I deserve heaven more than he does!"

"First of all, nobody deserves heaven more than another person. Second of all, he hasn't spent the afternoon trying to bribe saints into getting out of purgatory," St. Pete answered.

"I wasn't bribing you. I was just trying to find a way where we could both get what we wanted."

"Which is, for lack of a better term, a bribe."

"I do not care how long Black's sentence is," Severus cut in. "I'm not helping him."

"Then you want to go to Purgatory?" Dismas asked.

"If it means avoiding Black, yes."

"I want another partner too!"

St Pete glared at Sirius. "This is the only one we're giving you."

"What?"

"Neither of you is getting another partner. Either you work together or you go to the actual Purgatory."

"When can I leave?" Severus asked.

"As soon as you make your final decision."

"Well then…"

Now Sirius' eyes were big. "You can't be serious. I just got out of that cage. You want to put me back in there because Snivellus won't work with me?"

"First of all, you have just tacked on ten more years of purgatory with that petty display of name calling," St. Pete answered. "Second of all, Severus' refusal to help you may prompt you to engage in some much needed self-reflection. For that alone, this program may have proven successful."

"I agree," Dismas chimed in. "But it does make me wonder if perhaps Severus' purgatory punishment will be amended."

"Oh?" St. Pete asked.

"Right now his purgatory is watching his life for the next century, but I do not believe the Trinity would find that appropriate when they learn why he's refusing their offer."

Severus raised an eyebrow.

"I get no say in Purgatory sentences, but I know wrath when I see it. Now if word were to get back to the Trinity about this little spat, they may decide that a little Dante's Purgatorio is in order."

"Dante?" Severus drawled.

"Yes."

"I thought that was just a fictional poem."

"Some parts of The Divine Comedy are less than factual but others are fairly accurate. You have read it correct?"

"Yes, but it's been awhile."

"If you remember the third terrace of purgatory, it is full of acrid, blinding smoke. The wrathful stroll around in it, suffocating on their own anger."

"If I cannot breathe how can I suffocate?"

"We have ways of simulating breathing." From the look on Dismas' eyes. Severus did not want to know more.

"Wait," Sirius cut in. "There are different layers of Purgatory?"

"Yes, each person's purgatory is different. Being in solitary confinement and suffocating smoke have been proven to be effective forms of purgation over the centuries." Dismas explained. "We have other methods of purification though, some which may prove more than appropriate in your cases."

Severus' glow pulsated as his mind wandered to an incident in his teens.

The smoke was smothering. The odor clung to the furniture, walls, and most pungently, on the man himself. Even the walls and the man's shirt was gray from the ashes.

He'd been holding a cigarette when Severus burst into his house. It was still in his hand when Severus cast the killing curse. Still in his blue plaid bathrobe, the man had collapsed without a word, his wide eyes staring into Severus' soul.

From behind the mask, Severus had grinned, taking pride in the fact that he had proven himself a worthy Death Eater. At the time, the scent of smoke had been a pleasing aroma. A few years later though, his stomach churned at the memory of that cigarette.

Purgatory would force him to remember that man, to meditate upon the wail from his wife just before she too was struck down. Was this a portion of his life he needed to relive? Wasn't every day for the last eighteen years making up for the sin of his murder? Hadn't he had enough guilt and purgation for one life? Did he need to torture himself for a century just so Sirius could receive the justice he deserved?

"Would you two like to hear what your good deed is before I tell the Trinity that you two refuse to be our first participants?" Dismas asked.

Sirius' glow was dim, and his voice was weak. "I'm willing to listen to whatever offer you have."

"Severus?"

"There are worse things in the universe than ensuring Black's salvation." Severus' expression softened. "I suppose it would not hurt to hear out what this mission is before refusing it."

"Good," Dismas' smile returned. "Your task will be to help Hermione Granger discover eudaimonia."

"Hermione Granger!" Sirius and Severus shouted.

Dismas nodded.

"You want us to give eudaemonia to the third member of the Golden Trio?" Severus snapped.

"No, I want you to help her find her sense of eudaimonia."

Sirius tilted his head. "What on earth is that?"

"Eudaimonia is the ancient Greek word for happiness…"

"Oh you want us to make her happy!"

"No, it's deeper than that. You need to help her discover an overall sense of well-being."

Severus's eyes flickered in understanding. "Is this similar to what Aristotle discussed in Nicomachean Ethics?"

Dismas snapped his fingers. "Exactly."

"I'm sorry, but who's Aristotle?" Sirius asked.

"I'm Severus would be happy to tell you all about him."

Severus' frown returned. Perhaps reliving the memory of the fallen muggle would prove more pleasant than teaching Greek philosophy to a dog.

"Ms. Granger is in need of divine assistance which both you are in a perfect position to give."

Sirius folded his hands. "Will I get to see Harry again?"

"You will get to see him again, yet you won't be able to interact with him."

"Oh," Sirius' glow turned yellow. "Just seeing him will be enough."

Severus twisted his lips. Oh joy, more time with Potter.

"Here is how the mission is set up," Dismas explained. "Sirius will be allowed to travel whichever part of the world pertains to his mission. The only caveat is nobody will see or hear him. He can only observe others, not interact with his surroundings."

"Will they feel my presence?"

"It depends on how spiritually in tune they are with the world."

Sirius' glow intensified. "At least I get to see Harry again. That's worth almost anything."

"Indeed." Dismas turned to Severus. "Your role is different. For the entirety of the mission, you will only be allowed to visit Ms. Granger's house."

"How scenic."

"Only she will be able to see and hear you. You can touch whatever she asks you to touch, but otherwise you will have no power over physical objects. You may stay at her house as long as you deem it necessary, but we would prefer weekly check ins. This way we can judge how effective our program is."

"I can manage that."

"Good," Dismas turned to Sirius. "You can observe Hermione from outside and report to Severus what you feel is necessary for him to know. He will deal with Ms. Granger from there."

"I believe the roles should be reversed. I am the superior spy."

"You are an amazing spy. Still, Sirius needs to be more focused on considering the needs of others, and you need to be more focused on improving one on one relationships. Given that purgatory is about self-improvement, I think the current roles suit each of you perfectly."

Severus couldn't find an argument against that logic.

"The only question which remains now if whether or not you two agree to these terms."

"I think I could work with Sni…"

St. Pete glared at Sirius.

"Sni..eape! I could work with Snape for a time."

The spirits turned to Severus.

"I suppose this will be a relatively short mission," Severus replied. "I cannot imagine it taking longer than a few months. That is preferable to a century in a smoky room. There is only one request I have."

"Yes?"

"If Sirius becomes too obstinate…"

"You can call me," Dismas replied.

"I can?"

"Yes, and I will rectify the situation." Dismas locked eyes with Sirius. "Even if that means calling Metatron."

"Metatron?"

"Yes," Dismas kept his gaze on Sirius. "That was the angel who prosecuted him, and who is still a bit touchy that his suggested punishments were not chosen."

Sirius shrank as his glow dimmed.

"All that being said," Dismas' glow brightened as his expression became more pleasant. "Are you two ready to work together to help Ms. Hermione Jean Granger?"

Sirius extended his hand. "I think I can try to work with Snape."

All eyes fell on the man in a black robe.

He stared at the outstretched hand. Part of the reason he did not want to relive his life was due in large part to the dog's mistreatment of him. It would serve him right to do more purgatory time.

Then again Severus had had enough of purification. He deserved peace, which was something he would not receive if he was forced to relive every vile memory he'd endured. This mission could not be as unpleasant as purgatory. Judging from the size of the gate, heaven was huge. There was a good chance he would never see Sirius again once this was done.

"Don't make me regret this."

Severus shook Sirius' hand.