AN: As some of you know, I post every weekday every other week. This is because I'm posting one of my older stories on Archive of Our Own, and I don't want to edit two stories at once. So, I alternate them by week. Plus, by taking a week off I have more time to write and can accumulate a bigger stash of chapters. So I won't be around next week, but the week after the story will resume!

Thank you for all the support! It is very deeply appreciated.

"Who is writing a book about me?"

Sirius smirked. The expression on his companion's face was enough for Sirius to find joy in agreeing to this program.

"How would she even obtain enough information about me to write a book?" Severus shouted. "More importantly, who would care enough to read it?"

"Hermione didn't say how Skeeter got her information, but I'm sure she found some old school mates or some memories. I mean it isn't like you to leave a pensieve around, unless you grew careless."

Severus became white.

"As for who cares enough to read about you, I'm just as lost as you are. Perhaps her book is a perfect solution to a toilet paper shortage."

"Everything that woman writes is trash, with the exception of her articles on you. Those were worth reading."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're as loathsome as she made you out to be during your trial."

Sirius snarled. "Nothing she wrote about me was true and you know it."

"Now I do, but at the time it all seemed accurate."

"It wasn't."

"Perhaps the part about betraying Lily and James was less than factual, but the part about you having a crush on Peter was intriguing."

His glow was neon red. "I would never have such low standards as to fall for Peter!"

"True. After all having low standards implies you have standards to begin with."

"At least people looked in my direction! Women weren't exactly throwing themselves at you."

"I preferred it that way. The last thing I wanted was a clingy dunderhead."

"In other words, every woman is a dunderhead compared to you."

"I did not say that."

"Then where is she?" Sirius' glow returned to its yellow hue. "Where is this amazing woman you were holding out for?"

Severus' glow dimmed.

"Oh I forgot, she married another man."

Now Severus was rouge.

"I do wonder if Skeeter will write about that. I may actually read her book if your hopeless crush was discussed, if only for something to laugh about in the afterlife. There's so little to laugh about in Purgatory after all."

"You can only read about me if you are literate, which I highly doubt."

"There it is! That famous Snape arrogance!" Sirius threw up his hands. "You are smarter than everyone in the room! Nobody could ever be half as competent at anything as you are!"

"I'm certainly better at spying than you are."

"How can you make that claim?"

"I am a superior spy to you given that I actually give people the intel they want instead of prattling on about books that shouldn't have been written."

"Don't look at me like I'm the only reason you haven't heard anything you deem useful," Sirius argued. "You were engaged in this conversation too."

Severus' glow returned to yellow. "Just tell me what you found out about Ms. Granger."

"First of all she's as pissy as you are."

"Truly?"

"Yes."

Severus grinned. "I suppose there is hope for her yet."

"No, being pissy isn't progress. It's terrible to see her acting like you. It's…"

Severus furrowed his eyebrows.

"Never mind! Her father is sick."

Now Severus stood at attention.

"She didn't tell Harry what the disease was, so I don't know the specifics of it. All I know is if we want to help make her happy we should probably help him as much as we can."

"Sadly given the limits imposed by the afterlife and the International Statue of Wizarding Secrecy there may not be much we can do to aid him."

"We're dead and we're still honoring the International Statue of Wizarding Secrecy?"

"Why wouldn't we?"

"Because nobody around here cares."

Severus tilted his head.

"I'm not sure how the afterlife works or what counts as justice around here, but I am certain that nobody cares about magic vs muggle."

"No, they don't."

"If they don't care about the differences between wizards and muggles, then I don't think they are overly concerned with us following earthly rules."

Severus hummed.

"So we have to keep all options open, even if it violates something which seemed important in life."

Severus twisted his lips, in an attempt to prevent himself from admitting the truth in Sirius' words.

"Now if we cure her dad we will bring her happiness and we can move onto heaven."

"That's too simple."

"What do you mean?"

"Eudaimonia is more complicated than saving one person's life."

"How would you know?"

Severus pointed to the pile of books on the sofa. "Because I've read Aristotle."

"Well, good for you," Sirius grumbled.

"Still, it's a better start than I thought I'd have."

"Is that a compliment?" Sirius' glow was brighter.

"No, a three year old would have given me much more intel, but considering that I thought I'd have nothing to work with at all, I suppose I can give you a modicum of credit."

"You are oh so gracious."

"Do not forget it." Severus glanced at the ground. "I suppose I should go down and pay Ms. Granger a visit."

"Just like that?"

Severus frowned. "Yes, unlike you who gets distracted by Rita Skeeter's latest smear campaigns, I am going to do my job."

"I know you need to go down at some point, but wouldn't you like a plan first?"

"Perhaps I already have one."

"It's the 'perhaps' that makes me nervous."

Severus locked eyes with Sirius. "Unlike you, I have been in situations where I needed to think before speaking. I did quite well in them."

"So well that you got bitten by a snake."

"That had less to do with how I spoke and more to do with a case of being mistaken as the owner of the Elder Wand."

"Regardless of why you died, you were speaking with Dumbledore and You Know Who, two people trying to win a war. Hermione is a little different."

"How? She's a person just as they were."

"You aren't dealing with tyrants. You're dealing with a woman who has real feelings and just wants to be happy."

"And I want to make her happy."

"No, you want to make her happy while looking down upon her."

"I won't call her a dunderhead. Does that satisfy you?"

"Not even close," Sirius answered.

"Then what will make you happy?" Severus demanded.

"Treat her like a human being who deserves respect, and not the means to some end. If you do that I will feel much better about you interacting with her."

"I will not insult her or intentionally make her uncomfortable," Severus answered. "Still, I will also keep in mind that she's our assignment, not our new best friend."

"She is one of my best friends." Sirius' voice was low.

"She is a client."

"You know, you might have had more friends if you'd treated them like people instead of inconveniences."

"You are more than an inconvenience, and Ms. Granger was my know-it-all student. Forgive me if I am not more enthused about interacting with either of you."

"Has it ever occurred to you that we may fail due to your poor people skills?"

"Has it ever occurred to you that if you do not stop speaking with me, I won't be able to descend until well past Ms. Granger's bedtime?"

"Fine, good night. Have fun being a git. Maybe then people around here will understand that you aren't the hero you're made out to be."

Without another word, Severus disappeared from sight.

Hermione sipped her peppermint tea as she flipped through the pages of her four hundred page book. Every few lines, she would underline a phrase or promising equation. Although her markings appeared chaotic to the average reader, to her there was a logic to the scribbles on the margins, or so she told herself.

The room warmed.

"Mrow."

She frowned as Crookshanks pawed into the air. "Not now. We can play with the yarn later."

The half-kneazle continued to meow.

"I said no." Hermione returned her attention to her book. "Perhaps we can play in an hour."

Crookshanks huffed, knowing full well that, 'perhaps' meant 'I'm too nice to say no.'

Hermione took another sip of tea before leaning back further into her leather sofa. She underlined another sentence before biting the tip of the quill. These were all promising theories, but something was missing, something she could not put her finger upon.

Crookshanks let out a yowl before darting across the room. His hair was raised, making him appear more like a fur ball than any distinguishable animal. Hermione shook her head. She would never understand the antics of her feline.

Before she could bury her head back into her book, a light flickered across the room. At first it was a glimmer, but soon it grew.

Hermione set the book and the quill on her coffee table, her eyes growing wider by the second. The temperature in the room was rising, though not uncomfortably warm. Whatever was in front of her couldn't be a ghost since they froze rooms. It seemed too real to be a hallucination. Still, knowing what it wasn't didn't mean she knew what it was.

As the figure took on a humanoid shape, Hermione's heart slowed. She felt the breath leave her body as the color left her face. A thousand thoughts raced through her mind, yet only two words escaped her mouth.

"Professor Snape."