"Chapter 15: A Child's Love

"What is Love?" Asks a child's voice.

Professor Hojo does not look away from his papers. Sweat, grease and stress is thick in the air. The characteristic smell of another hectic period in Shinra. Something big is happening within the company that no one cares to tell the silver-haired child about.

His question, however, does draw the unkempt man's attention, an intriguing mixture of treacherous scents emanating from them man. Sharp and heavy; anger and sadness, hovering on the borders of regret, which softens and mellows too a scent reminiscent to the one he bears around Sephiroth at times, but different. Affection, the child thinks before his attention jumps to the remerging anger.

Yet the scientist says nothing. Still looking down into his papers. Sephiroth has come to know this man's scents well. He knows him better than anyone else.

"Stop pretending. I know you heard me." The silver-haired child challenges.

The man's sent wavers, a grain of fear and suspicion joining his other warring emotions. "I am busy, Sephiroth." The man snaps irritably.

"Then tell me, and I will leave you to your work." The boy retorts smoothly.

A spike of annoyance erupts in response, but is after a while overtaken with the same mixed emotions as before. A distinct sense of bitterness drapes itself over the ensemble.

"Love is not for scientists. It clouds their judgment and corrupts the data by turning their analysis biased." Professor Hojo turns away while nudging his glasses up his noes, his voice growing colder and more professional. "Whole projects have almost been ruined because of love."

The man is avoiding the question, Sephiroth knows of the turmoil below the surface. Not entirely sure he wants to know why, he still presses for a respons. "You haven't answered the question?"

The professor stiffens, unwillingness and… shame travels through the air. Sephiroth perks up at scatterings of something else which lies beneath it all. Fear.

He can use the fear. It can help him get his answers, yet Professor Hojo is not as easy to influence, as he used to be. To… manipulate, the child corrects himself, slowly.

But emotions are a fresh product and will not last long, so Sephiroth decides to try a different approach from the usual emotional barbs he uses. "So what is it? Taking a leaf from Rufus's book he softens his voice to mask any of his usual reproach or ridicule.

Professor Hojo turns suddenly to look at him, surprise in his scent as the man studies him, but with out the usual cold scientific detachment. For a moment the child wonders if he has been too obvious, but he keeps his face blank and his demeanour calm. At this point mimicking Rufus's open face of innocence would probably be too over the top. The professor knows the silver-haired child too well.

A strange change comes over the professor. The surprise lingers, and along with the frenzy of conflicting emotion, a hint if embarrassment arises. The man nudges his glasses further up his noes and his emotions calm. "Love is…" The embarrassment grows quietly while the adult swallows thickly. "When a person feels affection for another." He looks down at his papers, but peering from below, Sephiroth can tell that those words are left unread. Regret, sorrow and the warm smell of that special scent whispers in the room.

The man takes a breath and straightens, staring into space ahead of him. He starts to speak in a lighter tone, as if changing the subject. "Some would say it's often mutual. But I…" His voice turns suddenly bitter upon the last words, his scent matching the expression.

Professor Hojo presses up his glasses to the bridge of his noes his posture having returned to it's slouch, as if curling up upon himself. When he continues his voice is professional. "That is incorrect. It is estimated that at least half the time, love is not reciprocated. Further more these emotions are often fleeting and fickle. They will change and fade with time."

Silence falls between them, professor Hojo's finger still pressing down on his glasses. With dilated pupils, glowing green eyes watch a bitter thirty-year-old man slowly supress his emotion.

In the end Sephiroth is the first to break the silence as he turns away and walks out of the office. His voice is quiet, the usual traces of condescension gone. "I see."

He had seen too much.

He holds no interest in this man's past.

Dear Sephiroth

I apologise form my thoughtlessness in my last letter. On the matter of Love, it is a term used widely and can have a great number of implications. But generally it can be described as positive feelings such as caring or affection towards someone or something. The stronger the emotion, the greater the love. Love can take many different forms depending on who it's directed to and what it involves. For example, there is the love for a friend, a parent's love for their children and a child's love for their parents. Or the special kind of love for another which leads to the birth of children. Love may also be directed to a pet or even certain experiences like the taste of food or an activity like reading. However, the most important form of love in my opinion is the one towards people. Different emotions may be awakened in such cases, but generally they are positive ones like appreciation, admiration or protectiveness. It is worth mentioning that sometimes these feelings can become too strong: bordering on an obsession. In such cases jealousy or possessiveness may awaken in people because they fear that what is loved will be lost. This is usually considered as a rather unhealthy kind of love, both for the giver and the receiver.

As a young man I loved my work. Or at least parts of it. I was passionate about it and I both enjoyed it and felt like a was making a meaningful difference. I still do even when retired, though I am wiser now then I was back then and know that there is more to life then science. The love that I feel for my new companion is a romantic one. The kind of love that a man has for a woman they are drawn to, and perhaps would even have a child with. Though the sensations I described may have been uncomfortable at the time, but love transforms it into a wonderful experience. And as I look back at those moments I only recall those moments as enjoyable and special. The colours all seem stronger and more vibrant and it breathes new life into me. The world is not the same as it was before.

So you've met a SOLDIER, and SOLDIER Anael Hewley at that. I've been keeping as close an eye as I can on that group because you'll be part of it some day so I know a bit about it. The SOLDIER program is in itself very new and is based off of enhancing human's capabilities through Mako. The theory of enhancing people has been around for a long time: folklore tell of humans and monsters who have accidently come in contact with natural Mako and gained sudden strength, speed and health. However, with these stories often comes a warning of the dangers of Mako. I dare say that those warnings are very real. The people and animals who come in direct contact with Mako often mutate, drastically change their behaviour and tend to become very aggressive. Until recently there hasn't, to my knowledge, been much research on Mako enhancements, especially on humans because there hasn't been enough funding. Further more, the attempts can very easily go wrong, as mentioned, mutations may occur as well as what used to be called Mako poisoning, but which is now referred to among scientists as Mako addiction. This condition is not very well understood but it's theorised that the sheer amount of information which is stored in the Mako may overwhelm an individual who's exposed to it for too long, to the point where they lose track of who they are and the life they've lived. In severe cases it may even lead to death. This isn't anything you need to worry about though, Sephiroth. What is revolutionizing about the SOLDIER project is the use of a special stabilising agent called the J cells. It seems to increases the average person's tolerance towards Mako. It reduces the chances of mutations and Mako addiction. I don't know any more than this, however, since I didn't take part in the project and stepped down from the position not long after it started. It is also a company secret so If you find out more information then what I've already told you, be careful about not sharing it, even to other company employees. This is to stop the method of creating SOLDIERs from falling into the wrong hands and bring that would bring harm to the world.

SOLDIER have been showing their might during this year by exterminating dangerous wild life which had been plaguing certain areas for a long time and had been left alive simply because their formidability stopped any fighters from killing them. This has caused their reputation to rise tremendously, particularly on the Eastern continent, and SOLDIER has been constantly on the news in places like Midgar and Junon, with information filtering out into other areas. I've been fortunate to get a hold of the newspapers from these cities in the Mideel village. I think they sell them here because a lot of important people from Shinra come here on vacation - as I have told you in one of my other letters. You wouldn't know it from asking the locals though, because they simply don't care about what happens outside of their simple lives. I think it is why famous people sometimes chose this vacation spot, they are left alone by the common folk.

Anyway, there are in total 13 units in SOLDIER. Now, as I understand units in the military are groups of 80 to 250 fighters that often go into big battles or work on certain tasks together. I may be getting this wrong but I imagine that the units with the higher numbers are more common in the infantry - which are generally not particularly skilled fighters. SOLDIER, however, is different with smaller units which range between 30 to 50 SOLDIERS in each unit. From what I gather, the reason for this is that SOLDIERS are vastly more powerful and often more skilled than normal fighters and are already enough to overwhelm most odds. The most well known unit is the 13th which is widely celebrated among the public population as the strongest group of fighters in the world. It consists of 17 members, one of which is SOLDIER Anael Hewley. A much loved figure, from what I understand, though I admit I haven't been closely following the information on these individuals, unlike their avidly admirers among the public – who, by the way, have recently nicknamed the 13th unit: Ragnarock.

Two weeks ago, I read in the news that the 13th unit are partaking in an interesting experiment with Shinra's weapons development department. They're recruiting famous smiths from all over the world to custom make weapons that SOLDIERS can use with their abilities, but wouldn't be practical or plausible to other unenhanced fighters. The Buster sword that you told me about must be one of them. I haven't seen any pictures of it yet, so Hewley probably had just recently received it when you met him.

Oh, and thank you for telling me what SOLDIER Hewley told you about the Honour code among the people of Wutai. It may be hard to imagine what could be so bad it warrants committing suicide, but I think if it's put in a proper cultural and concrete context it would make a lot more sence. Remember that this is not a common deed in Wutai so the situation that merits it is probably very severe.

I've arrived safely to the reactor on the Junon plains. Interestingly enough, the lodging for the few personnel that maintain it is in a cave network in the soft rock which the reactor was built through. In spite of that, the living conditions are quite cosy, dry and warm even while being well into the Autumn. My companion and I did see the Condor flying close by and she surprised me yet again with her knowledge. According to her the beast is surveying the area for a good location to lay its egg. However, she estimated that there are a few years still until it will decide on it's location. You will probably be well into your teenage years when it finally lays its egg, and an adult by the time it hatches. Apparently the last time this happened was about 50 years ago, the chick hasn't been seen for a long time in the area. This is sad news because the Condor only lays one egg and when the egg hatches the parent will die. This means that if a Condor dies before it lays an egg there will forever be one less Condor in the world. It makes me wonder how this species came to be in the first place. My companion told me about a legend which was passed down in her family: that the Condor is the offspring of the god of rebirth: The Phoenix. This is the benevolent paragon of the skies that gained immortality by beginning its life anew when it reached its old age or was killed. Though the Condor inherited the Phoenix's ability of rebirth has its limitations. In the end it is a balance, in exchange for power comes a heavy limit on reproduction. This is a common phenomenon in nature though it's the first time I've heard about such an extreme case. I'm beginning to understand why the Condor is so revered, however, and the news that the Condor is going to lay its egg is spreading and bringing joy to the people in the area.

Our next destination will be Junon. Shinra will be holding a conference about future changes in the company and many of the department directors will be there. I hear that the biggest discussion will be about the future of the department of World Exploration which has become somewhat obsolete now that most of the world has been explored and most of the obvious potential Mako sites have been identified. In any case this department hasn't provided any major contributions to the company for a while now, weather this departments purpose will change or if it will be downsized or demounted completely is left to be seen. Many people are very interested in this development since it might mean a lot of people may lose their jobs while others are looking for an opportunity to gain a good employment within Shinra.

I also hear that SOLDIER will be making their first real public appearance by primarily being in charge of the security in the City during this period. This is something which is usually handled by the department of Public Safety, so I imagine they are not very happy about this decision. It is a good way to introduce SOLDIER to the populace, however.

In any case you can send your next letter to Junon. Big changes are afoot and I hope that you will stay well, Sephiroth. Though change brings opportunity, it may also bring disaster.

Yours Truly

Gast Faremis

As always Gast's explanations are more encompassing than Hojo's, however, for once they strike him as being very close. Though they have different attitudes they both mention that love is a feeling of affection for another, and even Gast mentions that the perceptions of the people who experience it can be influenced.

Has he felt love before? Does he love his mother? Even as the comforting sense of purpose and devotion sweeps over, he realises that is his souls love.

The silver haired child indulges in these emotions from time to time, in order to feel a hint of his mother's warmth… It is to receive her love which he desires. But he doesn't know her, has never met her. He revels in the emotions provided, but does he feel any appreciation for the entity he has yet to meet in this life? Does he himself, love her at all? He could probably only know when he met her in person.

Who else does he appreciate? He often thinks of Gast as his friend. Does that mean that he loves the man? His soul indicates him as someone who has answers, and so far Gast has proven himself in this respect through his letters. But does the value Sephiroth put in this man because of his information truly equate to love? For that is the only thing he has received from Gast since he left Shinra: Information. And that one apple.

It has been so long since he had seen the man in person. More than two years. To his soul, those two years are merely an instant, but to the boy they are half a lifetime. If he sees Gast again - just once more - before that fated event his soul foretells, then surely he would recall what it felt like to be around him. It has been so long he barely remembered if there had been anything at all from his side.

What of the janitor? The man does not really say very much, neither is he emotionally expressive and the knowledge he offers is not at all as satisfying as his letter friend's. But the silver-haired boy distinctly recalls having sought out the man without any distinct desire for information. On those days when the world grew to empty to bear, when he felt the loss at its greatest, he would find himself before the elder with a silent soul.

Was that love that drew him?

Hardly. Sephiroth barely knows the Janitor and has spent very little time with him, how could he have such seemingly important emotions for him? If something bad happened to that particular employee, he would probably not intervene. Unless he could gain something from it, of course.

Then, there is Veld who he interacts with fairly regularly. However, this is purely professional to Sephiroth. Just like his past self, the child holds only a working relationship with him.

The only other he knows much about is Hojo. The mere thought of which awakens distaste from his soul. Love for that one does not even bear thinking about.

Moving on, Sephiroth's eyes fall upon the name of Anael Hewley. Only the surname stirs any reaction, the rest is utterly unfamiliar. His soul does not know this man.

At the mention of information landing in the wrong hands his soul almost scoffs.

Curiously, the silver haired child studies this passage. He sees nothing wrong with it. However, both disdain and bitterness awakens within him. As he lingers on the thought a strange but familiar sense of dissonance comes over the child. He recalls Gast's last warning to him and the janitor's wariness of shinra. Yet here Gast trust Shinra to use SOLDIERs in a way which does not bring harm to the world. Is he not contradicting himself?

Perhaps this is the older man's subtle warning to him about not sharing the information he knows or else he'll get into trouble. However, the boy has already been told many times not to share the details of the experiments he partakes in to other people, so the warning is hardly necessary.

Letting the matter rest for now, he moves on to mutations, Mako addiction, and J cells. All very familiar, they shudder through him. Like they are an integral part of his destiny. His existence. Though Gast reassures him that he has nothing to fear, a sense of dissonance comes over him once again.

Yet the information also awakens a momentary spark of hope. He knows he is different from the others, but if it were merely the Mako and the J cells… For the child is certain that the J cells are an integral part of the puzzle, judging by the feeling of belonging and an inexplicable sense of oneness that threads through to him from him upon it's mention.

Perhaps the SOLDIERs were like him. Perhaps they too were not like the others. Perhaps something more then the sound of those heavy footsteps had drawn the silver-haired boy to lean over that banister. Only it had been so subtle he never noticed. Perhaps among these SOLDIERs he would find a place where he belonged. Where he could find his equals.

That little spark is quick to disappear, however. Ever since the beginning, in the days before the Mako, he'd been different. He'd known it then too, though he hadn't understood it with the same clarity as he does now. From the very beginning his soul had promised him a lifetime of alienation in his existence, with all others inferior in their abilities to him. SOLDIER too is a familiar concept to his soul, and though it sires a faint comfort, it does not suggest that he will find the belonging that he hadn't known he yearned for.

He is not like the other SOLDIERs.

Returning from his runaway thoughts the child narrows his eyes at the reassurance that rings hollowly within and his own unsettling sense of dissonance. But this is Gast, he always tells Sephiroth what he can. Only… the child is not so sure that is enough, anymore.

With a sobered mood Sephiroth corroborates the section on the SOLDIERs tasks with the latent memories within him, however, the make up of the SOLDIERs ranks do not ring any bells. There is simply no connection with SOLDIER and the mentioned units to his soul, not even the 13th unit, Ragnarock.

He does not know this SOLDIER. Briefly his thoughts turn to Veld. He too does not merge well with the image in his soul, even if he is undeniably the same person.

In time the answers will present themselves.

The Buster sword. Again the mention of that blade brings about a jarring reaction. He knows the bite of it, the weight, the unyielding nature of the strengths that yield it. He is fairly certain now that in those shattered memories, the phantoms behind the sword are more than one. However, this Anael Hewley is not one of them.

The experiment that is mentioned does send the faintest of recollection, but it slips before he can catch it and try as he might it does not stir a second time.

Gast's guess about that SOLDIER, Anael Hewley, recently having received the sword is probably not to far from the truth considering the awkward way he wielded it. Though Sephiroth does not know how the sword is meant to be wielded, his soul does, and those movements had seemed somehow unbalanced and unnatural.

But whatever the role this Buster sword will play, it is not yet time. Too soon for this key to unlock the secrets of his destiny. Unlike what he'd thought before in his initial years, speeding up his own time would not hurry along the event's to his answers. He can not rush ahead either and risk missing some clues. The best choice of action is to be, as always, patient until the moment is right.

The fascination Gast holds for the Condor comes somewhat as a surprise since his soul has very little to offer up about it. Never the less, there are elements of the Condor's story that interests the silver-haired boy.

The child of a god. The thought resonates with him. He can… relate to it. There must be a very real possibility of it being true. He wonders what things he would perceive from being present during the Condor's hatching. Once again, however, this is something for many years yet and he files it away in the back of his mind, to reimerge at a more appropriate time.

The news about the changes that are about to occur in Shinra comes as a revelation to Sephiroth. So this is what everyone had been up to for the past month? He had also been told that professor Hojo and Veld would be leaving for Junon early tomorrow morning, but he had not been told why. His enquiries often shrugged of with the vexing response that he was too young to understand.

It would be the first time that his guardian would be a whole city away from his charge. The boy can not help but wonder if his day would be any different with the unlikable man so far away. He would find out that evening. Professor Hojo had instructed him to seek him out before he left the Shinra building. No doubt with instructions for the following days.

Author's notes:

Reviews: I can't thank enough all of the people who have reviewed. This chapter has been completely uninspired and a struggle to write, but what got me to sit down and work on it was the thought of reviews. Thank you for all your show of appreciation!

The genre of this story is now Suspense thanks to .5.

That SOLDIER Hewley in the last chapter was not Angeal, but a relative of his. Thanks to Lordibau I realize that I missed some important information on the origins of the Buster sword and thought it had been left undiscussed. Turns out that wasn't the case. Oops.

But thanks to that I've stopped slacking on my research. The results are shown in the information Gast provided on SOLDIER. Ragnarock is cannon, apparently. It was revealed in the online version of Dirge of Cerberous and is mentioned in the Restrictor part of the FFwiki. So I've interpreted as the 3rd to 1st class system not yet being established.

The informations on the Units comes from Wikipedia and I confess that I know even less about how the military organises it's troops than Gast does.

For those who think that Gast may be spoiling a bit much by telling Sephiroth about the J cells; in Crisis core, one of the mails which Kunsel sends to Zack he states "[Hojo] rose to the top [of the Science department] when he established the method of using Jenova cells to create SOLDIER operatives.". I think if Kunsel can share this information as gossip; then even though not everyone might know, it's still widespread enough that people know. And I bet Sephiroth is one of them.

Next chapter: Baby-sitting session with Heidegger and Rufus.