Chapter 4 Dexter

Later that night the ladies sat together in a warm bath. Hildy took the bath sponge and gently washed her lady's body after shampooing her hair. The previous hour was unusually quiet as they did not speak much after Kami shared who the man on the computer screen was. To say that Hildy was shocked would be the understatement of the year. She was immediately filled with a lot of questions about Dexter's involvement in their case but more important were the feelings that grew exponentially in her heart. Feelings of jealousy and anger, feelings she knew intellectually were uncalled for but filled her heart none the less.

Hildy decided to take her cue from her lover, she would not push Kami for information about Dexter and how she was feeling but rather would wait until she was ready to share. Sixty minutes had elapsed from the moment they saw Dexter's face on the computer to now, with the last twenty minutes spend in their bathroom. But after sixty minutes of mostly quiet, Hildy was almost at the point of going back on her decision to not push Kami to talk. As Hildy fought hard to wait patiently for her lady to speak, her imagination began getting the better of her. Her mind created scenarios of Dexter and Kami having fun together, and she had to will her mind not to go to their bedroom.

She had never seen pictures of Dexter before tonight as Kami did not keep any after they broke up. Hildy remembered Nana saying that Dexter was the most eligible bachelor a mother or grandmother could ever wish for the baby girl. She knew that Dexter was successful and of a good character but she did not know he was so handsome. "This was the man who was engaged to my woman! The man who she gave her virginity to, aaarrrgggghhh, I have to stop these thoughts. Kami loves me and Dexter has not been a part of her life for years. Stop being foolish Hildy. Stop these thoughts!" Hildy mentally reprimanded herself, she disciplined herself in that moment and changed her mental channel.

Just then Kami leaned back pulling Hildy's arms around her as they snuggled in the fragrant water.

"The last person I expected to see on that screen was Dexter", Kami began in a soft voice. "I do not understand why his name would pop up in association with the congressman and his investment business. The last time I heard anything about him was several years ago and he was doing well with his own business…..What happened?" Kami craned her neck as she looked into her lover's dark green eyes with concern. Hildy planted a gentle kiss on her lips and said, "I do not know love but together we will find out". Kami burrowed her body deeper into her lover's front as she sought to feel comfort and reassurance.

"What you are feeling Kami?" Hildy asked with a bit of hesitation in her voice. Kami drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them as she became lost in thought. Hildy sensed her love's inner melancholy and tightened the hold she had on her as she gently rocked her back and forth.

"I feel so many things it is hard to express them".

Hildy kissed her on the back of her neck and said, "Just tell me the first thing that comes to mind that describes how you feel".

Kami immediately said sad. That descriptive word made Hildy heart jerk because she wondered if her lady was sad because she was thinking of what she missed in her life with Dexter. Without realizing what she was doing Hildy tightened her hold on her lady as she continued to rock her gently in the water.

"Why do you feel sad Kams?" Hildy asked as she tried to control the seed of fear that sprouted in the cockles of her heart.

"I feel sad because seeing Dexter reminds me of a time in my life when I felt so much mixed emotions. There was a part of me that was happy because I was at university and enjoying learning so many new things. But there was a bigger part of me that felt so unhappy because I was attracted to women and I was taught feelings like that were wrong". A silent tear rolled down Kami's cheek but because her back was to Hildy's front her lover did not see it.

"Dexter and I met in university and he because one of my friends and as time went on we became best friends. I never confided in anyone about my same sex attraction. I guess it was only natural after a time that friends began teasing Dexter and I about our friendship. Dexter did not mind the teasing at all, and it gave him the courage to ask me out on a date". Another tear rolled down Kami's cheek as she was lost in her memories.

"Hildy, I used him from that first date". A shudder past through Kami's body as she sat in her lover's arms.

"Hey, are you cold sweetheart?" Hildy asked as she turned Kami around in the water and it was then she saw the wet cheeks. "Oh, love…." Hildy said as sadness pierced her heart at the sight of the tears flowing freely down Kami's cheeks.

"Come", and with that word Hildy pulled Kami up and out of the water, dried her off, and put on her night-shirt. She then hurried to the kitchen for some water after pulling on her own night clothes. When she returned to their bedroom she saw Kami laying on her side with a far away expression on her face.

"Kami, drink some water" Hildy instructed as she gave her the glass. After Kami complied, Hildy sat on the edge of the bed next to her lady as she pulled her close. "Now tell me what you meant when you said you used Dexter from the first date".

After taking a deep breath, Kami continued to share her memories with her lover. "The term my beard did not exist back when Dexter and I began to date but he was my beard Hildy. I did not want my friends or God forbid my family to know I was attracted to women. I knew Dexter had a huge crush on me so after a while of him asking me repeatedly to go out on a real date I said yes. I really cared about him but like a cousin rather than a lover. One date lead to another and another. Our dates were fun because Dexter was an interesting guy but for me I would have had the same level of fun if I went out with one of my Uncle Kaleche's sons".

Hildy heard the smile in Kami's voice at the mention of her cousins, "It sounds like you had enjoyable dates with Dexter" Hildy managed to say while keeping her voice neutral.

"Yes, we did, I guess left up to me we would have continued dating for years and years with our relationship never going beyond the holding hands and the chaste peck on the lips. But Dexter began to listen to our university friends more and more as they teased us both about when we were going to hit the sheets". At those words Hildy used all her self control to not show that the thought of Kami 'hitting the sheets' with someone besides she disturbed her in any way.

"To cut a long story short, the nagging friends, a marriage proposal, and my own fear of being ousted lead me to accept the proposal, and begin a sexual relationship with him". Hildy firmly bit down on the inside of her lips to still the growl that wanted to spring from her mouth as she quietly listened to Kami's tale.

Kami turned her entire body on the bed so that she could look into the eyes she loved so dearly. "Hildy, as the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months my soul felt like it was being buried deeper and deeper. Dexter knew something was wrong because I was not a bubbly bride-to-be. Even though he asked me repeatedly what was wrong I could not tell him. I think that period of my life was the lowest I ever reached mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I felt Heavenly Father could never accept me into His Kingdom at His second coming because I was 'one of those people', the people who I heard pastors preach about in such negative ways time and again at church; homosexuals".

Kami's eyes bore into Hildy as she communicated how she felt so long ago. "I thought I was going to literally go mad Hildy because my inner face and my outer face were so different. Then one day I took a long walk in the city and eventually came to a church. I was not in the habit of just walking into churches but the door was open and the architecture caught my eye. I remember entering and sitting quietly to the side and the atmosphere in that building was so peaceful and calming that it caused me to pray, and pray like I had never done before. I poured out every thought and feeling to Heavenly Father and when I was done I literally felt a weight lift off me. In that moment, I knew if I ever wanted to be happy I would have to reconcile my inner and outer faces. I knew what I had to do and I did it. I told Dexter that night that even though I loved him I could never love him the way he wanted or deserved. He did not take the news well. At first, he was in denial, and kept telling me it was not possible I could be a lesbian. Then when that did not work be began to try to convince me I could 'get help', for my condition. When I refused, we began to argue, and then his words got vicious. His male pride was badly hurt so his way of dealing with it was to try hurt me with words. But there was nothing he could say to me that I had not already said to myself in the past". When he realized his words had no effect on me he walked out".

Hildy squeezed Kami's hand in support as she knew it was not easy reliving those trying emotions.

"The next thing I did was call my parents and told them". Kami broke into the biggest smile of the evening since seeing Dexter's picture on the computer monitor.

"Hildy they were wonderful, they told me they knew I was gay before I knew I was," Kami said as she chuckled. "Apparently they were praying that I would realize the mistake I was making with my plans to marry Dexter. They were happy as for me as I was happy for myself. Then I called Nana and Pappy… they did not respond like my parents but they were not as angry as Dexter. They were confused and worried about me. They felt that if enough prayers were said the gay would go away. Well as you can see it did not", both Kami and Hildy laughed at that joke.

"It took a little while but they eventually came around, and the rest as you know is history. My parents and grandparents were my strongest supporters and allies".

The ladies sat quietly for a few moments before Hildy asked. "When was the last time you saw Dexter?"

"The night we argued and he walked out. I never laid eyes on him again. We spoke on the phone once when I returned his rings via courier. After we broke up most of our mutual friends dropped me like a hot potato, and those who did not turn their back on me eventually drifted away when I began dating women. Before they drifted away, they tried to get me to go back to him by singing his praises and accomplishments. This is how I knew up to that time he was doing well business wise. Reality…my lesbian reality, slowly dawned on those few final friends when I began to date in earnest, and they too slowly drifted away. Seeing the photo of him earlier tonight brought these memories back".

Hildy turned all the information Kami shared with her over in her mind. She knew that sleep would not come easy tonight especially for Kami or her, there were questions about Dexter's involvement with their case left unanswered.

"Sweetheart, it is very late and we had a long and eventful day. I know sleep may be elusive at first but we need to turn in". Kami looked at her with tired eyes as she nodded. Together they crawled into bed and Hildy wrapped her arms around her lover as she gently rubbed circled on her back. Very slowly Hildy began to feel Kami relax. It took a while but she eventually fell asleep.

Hildy on the other hand was still wide awake. She lay there and her officer mind went into overdrive as she reviewed the furniture store robbery case. Hildy resolved to connect the dots linking the congressman with the dirty law enforcement officers. If Mr. Dexter Philip Matthews was dirty too she would make sure he was charged along with all the others. But if he was innocent of any involvement in this sordid mess then she would work hard to clear his name.

Hildy looked at the face of her sleeping wife to be and a wave of protection filled her heart. Tonight, was emotionally draining on her lover, she hoped tomorrow would be a better day. Hildy had a sinking feeling that Dexter's path was going to cross with Kami again but this time she would be at her lady's side. And if that man does anything to upset her lady it would give her great pleasure to knock him out. That thought placed a small smile on Hildy's face as she eventually drifted off to sleep.