Chapter 4: Comforts of Home

Victor slipped out of his clothes and stepped down into the large therapy pool, while Valentin undressed and placed a small wrap around his slim hips, then moved to join the famous skater. He paused, studying the quiet, pained look Victor wore as he looked out the large windows into the serene garden outside. The butler's lips thinned into a determined line, then curved into a charming smile again as Victor turned to face him.

"You look absolutely stunning against that backdrop," he said appreciatively, "Do you mind if I take a picture?"

Victor smiled and shrugged.

"Go ahead, if it makes you happy."

"Hmm," Valentin mused, climbing out of the water and picking up his cell phone, "why do you care so much for one little butler's happiness? You know, you should spend more time thinking about your own happiness."

He moved around, studying the angles of Victor's lovely, naked body, then snapped a picture and carried it over for the other young man to see. Victor looked at it for a moment, then sighed.

"You'll have to photoshop the bruises out," he sighed, "but it's a great picture otherwise."

"Well," Valentin chuckled, running his fingers through the ends of his unruly black hair and playing in the little bit of red around the forelock, "her ladyship didn't hire me for my ability as a photographer, but I think it came out very well. Enough playing around, though. Come, let me take care of you. You look like you need it."

Victor kept his eyes on the pretty scene outside the therapy room, sighing softly.

"And why does her ladyship's butler care about the happiness of Lilia's spoiled not-son?" he asked.

Valentin breathed in the steamy air of the room and set the cell phone down. He moved in behind the troubled skater, meeting Victor's gaze and seeking permission. Victor gave him a little over-the-shoulder nod and the butler embraced him from behind, resting his chin on Victor's shoulder.

"Maybe for the same reason that I am twenty-five, and even at this ripe old age, Miss Lilia continues to keep me around," Valentin answered, "Empathy."

He nudged Victor's head slightly so that they were looking out into the gardens, where Lilia was walking in the rain under a dark umbrella.

"Tell me something. What do you think it is that makes Lilia beautiful, now that she doesn't have age working on her side? She is beautiful, isn't she? Even though she's not young?"

"Yes," Victor agreed, "It is a cold kind of beautiful, but I see what you're saying."

"Mmhmm," Valentin purred, following the lines of Victor's torso with gentle, stroking fingers, "She was beautiful because of her youth for a long time. But she knew it wouldn't last forever, so Lilia thought hard and she realized that the older people she knew that were beautiful to her, remained that way because they were cared for, valued…beloved. So, she bought a lovely home and had it renovated to make this pretty Eden, and she filled it with people who would treasure her and value her. Emotion is a great part of beauty, Vitya. And you, love, are full of emotion, even if it's not dripping off of you right now, like it does when you skate."

"I'm not performing now," Victor concluded, "I don't need to pretend."

"No," Valentin sighed, closing his eyes and pressing his lips to the back of one pale, perfect shoulder, "this is your natural beauty shining right here. This is where you get to shed any worries and any lies and just be yourself."

"Are you trying to seduce me, Valentin?" Victor asked, smirking, "You know she really would fire you for that."

"Do you feel an ounce of seduction in these fingers, Vitya? In these eyes?" Valentin asked quietly, continuing to trace lines down the skater's naked body, while Victor turned and looked into the butler's almost hypnotic emerald colored eyes.

"No," Victor answered, relaxing slightly, "I see only comfort there…the comfort of a friend, a brother, a caretaker. She's right to keep you here."

"And I am glad to stay."

The two walked down the steps into the deeper, bubbling water and sat down with Victor resting in Valentin's arms. The butler's fingers worked into the thick muscles and Victor groaned and relaxed more, closing his eyes.

"How do you know what I need?" Victor asked, "How do you know what anyone needs?"

Valentin's gentle smile warmed and he continued with the comforting massage.

"There are lots of things that tell me about people," the butler chuckled, "but you told me with your words while we were talking before. I said that Lady Lilia wanted you to feel happy and safe, and while you indicated you were happy, you pointedly left out feeling safe. It was an obvious cry for help."

Victor sighed again and sank deeper into Valentin's embrace.

"How does an omega get to feel safe?" he whispered, "Can one ever really feel safe? You're an alpha, even though you don't come on like one. I know it, but strangely, it doesn't scare me like when I sense other alphas."

"That's because I've been tamed," Valentin assured him, "Miss Lilia is a very strong alpha, herself. She values strength, but not without beauty. And no brute is beautiful if he can't control his impulses. So…she trains us to be completely faithful to her desires. She wants you to be happy, so I make you happy. And even if you were in full heat, I would never, ever hurt you, Vitya. You know that, deep down, and that's why you can feel safe, even in the jaws of this brute."

"I do feel safe," Victor affirmed, beginning to doze as Valentin's ministrations eased him into sleep amidst the light splashing sounds a soothing, lightly scented steam.

He heard the butler's voice beginning to sing softly and fell deep under his spell, resting silently while Valentin's hands seemed to touch and caress him everywhere, deepening his relaxation until his lips couldn't help but curve upward. Valentin watched the little, unbidden smile blossom on his charge's lovely face, and he traced it with a damp fingertip.

"There now, that's better, isn't it? I'm sorry I can't erase what that beast did to you, but I can give you all of the comfort you deserve."

"Hmm, Yuuri's not a beast."

The sudden response surprised the butler even more than finding that Victor was still aware enough to register his words. The skater's eyes opened and he sat up and faced Valentin, the water running in little rivulets down his neck and shoulders.

"He just…doesn't want me, now that he knows what I am," he added, looking into Valentin's surprised eyes.

"How do you know?" the butler asked.

Victor gave his head a little shake.

"He sensed my heat and he took what he wanted…and he realized that even though he had idolized me and learned from my example…that he was more than me. He knows now that I am nothing. That's why he left without speaking to me. I'll probably never hear from him again, whether or not he chooses to tell everyone what he learned."

"You mean, you think he cares that much that you're an omega?"

"I think he is disappointed because he learned everything about me is an act."

"No, that's not true," Valentin insisted, "You are a beautiful and talented skater, designer and choreographer. That's what he respects, and that's what he found that was true."

"Then, why did he leave without speaking to me?"

"Oh, I don't know that," Valentin admitted, "but, given what I'm reading from you, I think you'll figure that out at some point. Just know, while you do, that you always have a safe place here, among the tame beasts, where you can pour out your soul and hold it up to a mirror to see where you are. There's value in that, right?"

Victor gave him a warmer smile.

"There is," he agreed, sinking back into the butler's bracing arms, "Thank you, Valentin."

"Anytime, Vitya."

Victor breathed slowly, keeping his eyes closed and his mind working steadily.

What would I do without this kind of love?

This quiet, selfless, unconditional love?

Love like…Agape.

XXXXXXXXXX

Phichit Chulanont finished changing back into his street clothes and looked around for his best friend and roommate, but there was no sign of Yuuri Katsuki in the men's dressing room. He laughed to himself, shaking his head.

"Yuuri…"

Leaving the dressing room, he walked back to the half lit rink, that had been so busy during the day, but which had been emptied, all but for the one lone skater that the night custodian allowed a half hour of extra practice time while he cleaned the coaching offices. Phichit moved to the wall near the entrance to the ice, and he watched with friendly, smiling eyes as Yuuri took up a position at the center of the rink.

Hmm, that's not his opening. I'd know it anywhere, though, having watched it so much, myself while I was training on my quad toe loop.

His smile widened as Victor Nikiforov's free skate music, Stammi Vicino, began to play, and the skater on the ice performed the beginning moves of the champion's routine almost flawlessly.

It just goes to show how much potential Yuuri has when he's not too anxious to show it. I feel bad for him, having so much anxiety like he does. He's a wonderful skater, and I know he should have placed higher at the Grand Prix Final.

If he could just…

His breath left him a little as Yuuri tried a quad flip and landed it with just a little wobble.

If he could do that in front of Celestino, or knowing that anyone was watching…

He felt a little sad twinge as Yuuri spotted him and let out a soft yelp, almost falling as he slid to a stop, then he skated over to join his friend. Phichit gave him a warm, encouraging look.

"Stammi Vicino, huh?" he said affectionately, "You really do love Victor's program, don't you?"

"Yeah," Yuuri answered, blushing, "It was amazing, getting to be there and watching him from so close. I almost forgot for a moment how badly I embarrassed myself."

"What are you talking about?" Phichit chuckled, "You got to go to the Grand Prix Final and even if you didn't do your best, you did try. I know you're going to get back there again next year, and I'm going to go with you. I'm going to qualify. Celestino said I'm ready to put the quad toe loop into my programs."

"That's great," Yuuri exclaimed, looking genuinely happy for his friend, "and I hope I can be there next year. I just don't know. I want to keep going, but…I just don't know."

"You're a great skater, Yuuri," Phichit assured him, "Celestino says it all of the time. He wouldn't still be coaching you if he didn't believe in you. You just got anxious. You can work on that."

"Yeah, maybe…"

"Hey, maybe the free skate didn't go well, but the banquet must have been fun. Did you talk to Victor?"

"Eh," Yuuri sighed, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck, "No, I couldn't get up the nerve to talk to Victor at all. I just drank a lot and ended up making myself sick."

"That's too bad," his friend replied sincerely, "I know that you wanted to tell Victor what an inspiration he's been."

"Yeah, I really did," Yuuri confessed in a soft, sad voice, "but who wants to hear they've inspired someone who crashed and burned as badly as I did?"

"It wasn't that bad for a first trip to the Grand Prix Final," Phichit said, patting him on the back.

"I scored about a hundred points lower than Victor. Ugh!" Yuuri grunted, flinching, "I don't know if I can ever show my face back at home again."

"Sure you can," Phichit said firmly, "I know you can."

Yuuri gave his friend a look of somber gratitude.

"Thanks, Phichit."

"What are friends for?" Phichit laughed, "Come on, now. Why don't we go and get something to eat? You're hungry, right?"

"I'm always hungry. That's part of the problem," Yuuri complained.

"Come on," Phichit urged him, tugging his arm until Yuuri finally stepped of the ice, "I'll buy you dinner at the commons."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to. C'mon. It'll be fun."

Yuuri smiled, albeit still a little sadly.

"Okay, but next time I have to treat you, all right?" Yuuri insisted.

"That sounds great. Let's go!"

"Um, I have to get my skates off and my shoes on first," Yuuri laughed, stepping off the ice and sitting down on the bench.

Phichit sat down next to him.

"Hey, you know, I heard about what happened with Victor…your dog."

"Yeah," Yuuri answered softly, looking down at his shoe as he tied it.

"I'm really sorry, Yuuri."

"Thanks," Yuuri answered gratefully, "I wish I could've been there, but I was at the final and I still had the free skate."

He sighed resignedly and shook his head.

"I wish I'd just gone home. My head wasn't into the skating at all, and I just made a mess of it."

"You can't help that," Phichit said encouragingly, "I would've felt really bad too, and I probably wouldn't have done my best under those circumstances either. But, since you know that part of the problem was that you were upset over your dog, you know also that you can do better next time. I really, really want you to be there next year. I want us to qualify together. If there's anything I can do…extra practice or talking or anything at all, just let me know, okay?"

I'm so lucky to have a friend like Phichit, Yuuri sighed inwardly, I hope I don't have to disappoint him. But after what happened in Sochi…I just don't know. It's hard to think about the future right now, when I'm still hurting over Vic-chan and my loss at the Grand Prix Final. I only really feel any relief when I practice using Victor's free skate program and music. It's when I feel closest to Victor, when I feel as though I can hear his voice in my head, telling me to be calm, to be confident and to try to surprise everyone. When that music plays and I move to it, I feel like I'm one with Victor…not just some distant stranger who admires his work, but someone who is inside his world.

It sounds crazy.

Maybe it is crazy.

I don't know what's going on in my head anymore.

"Yuuri?" Phichit's voice called, breaking into his reverie as the two reached the Detroit University Commons, "You went kinda quiet. Are you all right?"

Yuuri inhaled more deeply and shook his head at realizing where they were.

"I'm okay," he reassured his friend, "I'm just still…thinking everything over."

"I guess I would be too," Phichit said, reaching over to squeeze his hand comfortingly, "Try not to worry or to feel too bad about everything. The season's over, and we can relax for awhile before the next one, right? Or has Celestino been talking to you already about what you want to do? He's asked me if I have any ideas, and I'm sure now that since I'm putting the quad toe loop into my program, I want to go ahead also with my plan to skate to the music from The King and the Skater."

"Really? That's great, Phichit," Yuuri said approvingly, "I know you're going to make it this year."

"You will too," Phichit insisted, "I know this season didn't go the way you wanted, but you can't let that stop you from trying again. I know it's going to work out and you and I will both make the Grand Prix Final this time."

"You know," Yuuri said, his smile returning, "when you say it like that, it feels possible."

"Of course it's possible," Phichit laughed, "You and I are going to take on the world and we're going to win!"

Looking at his happy friend, Yuuri felt warmth invading and couldn't help but be buoyed by his friend's enthusiasm.

"Yeah," he said, nodding, "we will."

He was quiet through dinner and on the walk back to the dormitory room he shared with his rinkmate, and he hurried through his shower and fell into bed, weary and troubled. Sleep seemed a relief, but even that was shattered by a disturbing dream.

He found himself back at the Grand Prix Final banquet, watching as Victor danced with his friends, laughing and joking happily. Wanting to be part of the joviality, he moved forward. He rehearsed in his head what he would say and how he would thank his longtime idol for the inspiration.

"Victor."

The Russian skater's head turned and his ocean blue eyes met Yuuri's and widened.

"Victor, I want to tell you…"

His breath caught and the words died in his throat as Victor's face crumpled in terror and he backed away, putting up his hands defensively.

"Victor?"

"No, Yuuri!" the Russian cried, "Yuuri, STOP!"

Yuuri sat up in bed, his eyes rounded and his heart pounding wildly as Victor's frightened voice echoed in his head. It was a long time before he calmed down enough to lie down again and fall asleep.

Why did Victor look at me like that?

Like I had become some kind of monster?