Chapter 13: Not Quite Eros

"Is there anything else I can get for you, Vitya?" Valentin asked, his handsome face still wearing a deeply worried expression as he tucked the blankets around his somber looking charge, "Are you sure you don't want a soothing bath?"

"It's fine," Victor assured him, giving him a weary smile, "I just feel like sleeping. I promise I won't throw up again. I don't feel sick at all."

"Hmm, well if you are sure," the butler answered uncertainly, "You have quite a flush on your face."

Ah, that's probably the excitement I felt at seeing the video of Yuuri performing my program. I need to see it again, but…

"Please, just ring for me if you start to feel worse again."

"Of course," Victor answered absently, "Thank you, Valentin."

He felt a twinge of guilt at how he was worrying his caretaker.

But I need to see it again without interruption.

He focused on the screen of his cell phone and touched the icon to replay the video.

What this is doing to me! My heart feels like it will jump out of my chest. Every move is so perfect, so…passionate! His expression is one of rapture and deep connection. Every move radiates with the same desperate desire I feel too!

Oh, Yuuri!

Can this really be what you've been feeling all of this time? I thought I disgusted you, but this is the furthest thing from disgust. There is so much love and dedication in each turn, so much drive, lifting you to new heights in your jumps. I never knew you were capable of skating like this…of feeling and expressing so much…of seducing me like this! You don't need your dominant powers as an alpha to entrap and enslave me. All you need is to dance for me…

…dance with me…

…Yuuri…

As the performance ended, Victor put a hand onto his chest, panting softly and still feeling the wild beating of his stricken heart. Swallowing hard, he looked around the silent guest room, trying and completely failing to think rationally.

I have to go to him!

No, I…

NO, I HAVE to go to him!

He stared at the frozen image of Yuuri on his phone, his head dizzy and unable to come out of the heady spin.

He riles me in a way I haven't been for a very long time. Yuuri, what made you do this? Have you been lonely too? Were you waiting for something? Was it that you asked me to come to coach you, and you went to bed with me, but I never answered you?

Yes…maybe it was that you were embarrassed at what you did while you were drunk. You recalled it in the light of day and you couldn't believe it. The feeling was so overwhelming, you ran back to Japan without confronting me about it, and…and maybe I was supposed to follow you or answer you in some way, because you never would have had the courage to say anything to me if you weren't drunk off your ass and overtaken by my heat!

Yuuri, I've been so STUPID!

He was on his feet in a moment and had his suitcase open and lying on the bed as he rifled through his belongings, grabbing only what he needed as Maccachin watched from the other end of the bed, tilting his head quizzically.

"I've been an idiot!" Victor babbled absently as he packed, "All of this time, I've thought the stupidest thing. I never imagined that maybe I was wrong in my impression. I mean, how could I be, right? In what other way could I interpret what happened! But, it's clear now that I was just not paying attention properly, or he might have just been speaking in a way I didn't understand at first. That kind of thing happens all of the time with lovers, da? They talk, but they misunderstand. Of course, Yuuri and I didn't talk. We danced and had sex and made a baby! I thought that was the beginning, middle and end, but it was just the start of the story. There is more, but we won't get to it if we just stay here, letting everyone spoil us, right Maccachin?"

The old poodle thumped his tail on the bed and whined sympathetically. Victor stopped and stared at him for a moment, then he dashed to the other side of the bed and hugged the poodle close.

"I knew you would understand! You always do, even if no one else does. Yes, we have to go to Yuuri and I have to give my answer to his request. That's all this is! I should have thought of that before. I was just so damned focused on my being an omega, then the pregnancy, then…well, you know. You've been with me through all of this, after all."

He paused looking briefly through the things he had packed, then he closed and latched the suitcase. Putting a finger to his lips, he summoned the old poodle to his side. He bent down to offer the pooch a little pet and a few words of warning.

"Now, no barking or anything out there, and whatever you do, don't summon Valentin. I will explain to everyone later, but I have to do this right now. I checked and there is a flight leaving, but we have to get there soon."

He grabbed his warm long coat and wrapped a scarf around his slender neck, then he took hold of the suitcase and led Maccachin out of the guest room. Looking around, he found the hallway empty. He headed towards the grand staircase, keeping his footsteps quiet. Seeing no one from the top of the stairs, he carried his suitcase down, while Maccachin bounded around his left side and raced to the bottom. Victor reached the bottom and was nearly to the front door, when the door opened and Lilia and Yakov entered together. Victor froze as the two, at first, didn't seem to notice him, but then became aware of his presence and the fact that his hand was wrapped tightly around the handle of his rolling suitcase.

"What are you doing?" Yakov said gruffly, "You are supposed to be resting."

"Valentin informed us you were sick to your stomach," Lilia added, "What possessed you to even think of leaving in this state?"

"I have to go," Victor answered firmly, his hand tightening on the handle of his suitcase until it stung, "I don't really have time to explain because my flight leaves soon, but I need to go to Japan. I have to see Yuuri Katsuki."

Yakov scowled.

"This is about the viral video?" he asked.

Victor gave him a look of surprise.

"You know about that?"

"I think everyone in Russia and Japan knows," the old coach said, shaking his head, "I thought it might make you react in some impulsive way, but you need to restrain yourself, Vitya."

"Yakov is right," Lilia agreed, crossing her arms and glaring, "At the least, you need to slow down and think this through before you do something like that."

"Please listen to them," Valentin pleaded worriedly, "Vitya, you haven't been sleeping well, you're throwing up your food. Who knows what the stress of that long trip and the fact that you'll be in an unfamiliar place without your family, will do to you!"

Victor bit at his lip anxiously, looking back at the only family he'd ever known with a torn expression.

"I understand what you are all saying," he said finally, "but you have to understand. Yuuri is not just anyone, and my reasons for going are not as impulsive as you think."

One shaking hand pulled the short hairs away from the back of his neck and the others flinched as they sensed the marking there.

"Yuuri is my alpha, and there is no getting past that," Victor insisted, "Whatever he thinks of me, whatever you think of me, even what I think of myself, none of it is as important as following the truth now. I need to know where we stand or I will never be able to pull my life back together! Forget just this season, I am falling apart, and you all know that! I am not going to find my answers here, and the way I find them can't be safe or easy. Yes, I have to leave things here and I have to go to Yuuri!"

"Go to him to do what?" Lilia asked, tilting her head curiously, "What do you think he will do when you show up without him knowing you're coming?"

"Yuuri wanted me to come," Victor answered stridently, holding firm, despite the intensity of the alphas' angry gazes, "He asked me the night of the Grand Prix Final. He asked me to come to Hasetsu to be his coach."

"WHAT?" Yakov roared, "Vitya, you are a competitor. You are no coach! You haven't been prepared at all for that. It's insane to think you can just do this without any guidance."

"I'll have guidance," Victor said more softly, "I will have you…won't I?"

Yakov answered with a bristling look and an icy glare.

"Yakov," Victor said anxiously, "you've always been there for me before. All of you have. Are you saying that…I…I have to choose between you and Yuuri or something?"

"No," Yakov snapped, "I am not saying that. I am only saying that there is no way that you should be going and coaching that boy with no experience and when you are not functioning, yourself!"

"I'll be fine," Victor assured the others, "I'll rest on the plane and I will start up slowly. I will…call you and ask you about what I don't understand, so that I can…"

"No! You can't do this, Vitya!" Yakov shouted, "You have your own career to think about. You are in a critical phase of your skating. Your motivation is lacking. If you run off like this, how will you find your motivation? That's what you said you needed to do, isn't it?"

"It is," Victor sighed sadly, "but I am not going to find my motivation here. I know that. The questions that I have to answer before coming back to my own skating can only be answered by going to Yuuri and seeing where this leads. If you think about it, you know it's true."

"No," Yakov objected, "you can't just walk away like this."

Lilia's expression softened very slightly, but she said nothing, and Valentin just looked sad.

"I am not walking away from anything," Victor argued, "I am going to the answers I need, and when I have them, I will know what to do next. I'm sorry that you don't agree, but this is my life and my career. I want to keep skating, but I can't do it this way, not right now. I am going to Hasetsu. I hope you can understand."

"No, I don't understand!" the old man yelled, "You're acting crazy, Vitya. You don't know what you are doing. Lilia, talk to him!"

"I think it's clear he's made up his mind," Lilia answered tersely.

"Well, he can unmake it, then. This is outrageous! After everything you and I have…"

"Don't say stupid things like that, old man!" Lilia countered, "Vitya doesn't owe us a thing. He is family."

"He is insane!"

Victor sighed and shot an apologetic look at Valentin as he turned and walked out the door, with Maccachin following, leaving the two elders to argue. The door opened behind him and Valentin slipped out. Victor looked back at him questioningly. The butler smiled sadly and shrugged.

"Lady Lilia will keep him distracted and I'll take you to the airport, but…tell me something honestly. Do you really think that you'll be okay doing this?"

Victor's expression warmed and he hugged the younger man tightly.

"Honestly," he managed, his eyes misting, "I don't know what will happen, but I know where my loved ones are if things go wrong and I need them."

Valentin gave a firm nod.

"Yakov will yell himself hoarse, and I wouldn't be surprised if he stops talking to you for awhile, but whatever happens, try to be patient with him. The man loves you as though you were his own."

"I know that," Victor assured him, "and it's killing me to make him so mad at me. He's never stopped talking to me before. Are you pretty sure that he's not going to…?"

Valentin's more playful expression returned instantly and he kissed Victor warmly on each cheek.

"You leave that to her ladyship and me," he advised Victor, "Come now, I'll take you and Maccachin to the airport so that you can do what you need to do and then come home."

"Thank you, Valentin," Victor sighed raggedly.

He paused, taking a shaky breath, then he nodded.

"Okay, let's go then."

The two men and the old poodle climbed into Lilia's limousine and headed for the airport. As he watched the mansion disappear from the rearview mirror, Victor looked down at his hands and shook his head at how they were shaking.

"Are you all right?" Valentin asked, meeting his eyes in the mirror, "You're not having second thoughts?"

"Oh, I went through those a long time ago," Victor answered, closing his eyes, "and third and fourth thoughts. I just…know this is what I have to do."

"Okay," the butler said encouragingly, "then stop agonizing. Trust Lady Lilia and me to bring Yakov around, and you just focus on taking care of yourself."

"You really think Yakov will forgive me?" Victor asked.

"Of course he will," the butler snickered, "or Lady Lilia will take him to task over it. And you don't want to make the lady angry, am I right?"

"You are right," Victor chuckled, despite the nagging worry he felt, "I'm surprised she wasn't more angry with me."

"Why would she be angry with you?" Valentin asked, matter-of-factly, "Despite what Yakov said, it's perfectly rational, even natural for you to seek out your alpha to try to make things better between you. After all, you were bitten. You belong to the man, and if Yuuri Katsuki knows what is good for him, he will treat you right and make you happy…and, maybe someday when you are both ready, he will give you back that dream that you lost, da?"

"I can't even think about that, right now."

"Oh, I know that. But…here we are."

He pulled up to the long curb, where other passengers were climbing out of cars and gathering their belongings. Valentin took the suitcase out of the car, then kissed Victor again on both cheeks.

"Take care of yourself, Vitya. Come home to us soon."

Victor returned the kisses gently, then took hold of his bag and turned away. He checked the poodle in and watched as he was placed in an animal crate and wheeled away. He had nearly made it to the departure terminal, when Yakov's voice rose up behind him.

"Vitya, wait! Can't we talk about this?" the old coach called out to him.

Victor turned back, smiling sadly;

"Yakov, you are the best coach I ever had, and a wonderful father too. Nothing will change that…no matter where I go."

"Think about what you are doing," Yakov argued, "If you walk away now, you can never come back!"

Victor's smile grew even more sad and he leaned forward to hug the old man, kissing him on the cheek.

"Do svidanya, I'm sorry, but I can't do what you say this time."

He turned and walked away, leaving the old man glaring after him.

"You don't get to say that!" Yakov roared, long after the young man had gone inside and shut the door behind him, "You've never done anything I said for as long as I've known you!"

Victor stopped just inside the doors, indecision making his insides roil.

I know this is what I have to do, but…

He shook his head firmly and forced his feet to move, planting a smile on his face that was only skin deep.

I'm going to throw everything I have into this. Yuuri asked me to come to Hasetsu and be his coach, so that is what I'm going to do. Yakov may be right that I don't know about being a coach, but it can't be that hard. I'll figure it out as I go. I just hope he'll talk to me. I will need his help.

Victor checked in and headed to the gate, and a short time later, he was in his seat as the plane lifted off, heading for Japan.

It's so strange. My heart feels lighter already. I think this was the right thing to do. I know I'll find answers in Hasetsu. I know it.

He settled back in his seat, resting quietly and smiling more warmly as the plane carried him across the sea. Despite the long flight, it felt like the hours passed swiftly and sooner than he thought possible, the plane began to descend through dark clouds that revealed the ground below that was covered in snow, despite the lateness in the year.

That's odd. Japan usually isn't this cold in April, right?

But after enduring the icy Russian winters, the air didn't feel too uncomfortable to him as he disembarked. He looked around and listened carefully until he found a young woman who sat at what seemed to be an information desk. She smiled at him as he approached.

"I know you!" she exclaimed excitedly, "You're Victor Nikiforov! Welcome to Japan, Victor!"

"Thank you," he said gratefully, "Can you tell me how to get to Hasetsu? I am trying to find…eh…"

He dug out a slip of paper he had hastily scribbled the name of the inn onto before leaving Russia.

"I need to get to Yuutopia Katsuki."

"No problem!" the ecstatic young lady assured him, "I'll get a car to take you there."

He barely had time to make sure he had all of his things and had collected Maccachin from the terminal before the car arrived and he was on his way to the hot spring inn. It was still somewhat early in the morning when the car pulled up in front of the inn, and Victor climbed out, rolling his suitcase and with Maccachin prancing along on his heels. He walked to the front doors of the inn, taking slow breaths and trying to think of what to say.

This place is beautiful, such simple charm that is perfect and feels so very relaxing.

The scent of food drifted out, and Victor heard voices inside. He opened the front doors and the sounds grew louder. Ahead of him, an older, cheerful looking woman with the warmest eyes and brightest smile Victor had ever seen, appeared and bowed in front of him.

"Welcome to Yuutopia Katsuki."

She straightened and looked at him more closely as he struggled for words, even though he had planned what to say.

It's so strange. I feel something I never have before. This woman…

"I am Victor," he said slowly in English.

"Oh, I know who you are, Vic-chan!" the woman giggled.

"You do?" he managed, blushing, "I mean…but it's Victor."

"To everyone else, maybe," the woman laughed, "but we know you well here, so we call you, Vic-chan."

"O-kay," Victor chuckled, "that's fine. Please, I am looking for Yuuri Katsuki. Is he here?"

"Heh," an older man laughed, joining the woman in front of Victor, "Yuuri is here, but he's still in bed right now. Why don't you have a soak in the hot tub and a bite to eat while you wait for him?"

"This is Toshiya," the woman introduced the man, "and I am Hiroko. We are Yuuri's parents."

"Oh, it's nice to meet you," Victor answered, bowing as they had, "Ah, is there a room where I can stay for awhile? I would have called ahead, but…"

"Don't worry at all," Hiroko said, giving him a little wink, "Yuuri's sister, Mari, will have a room made up for you while you eat and soak."

"A soak in the hot spring does sound good," Victor sighed, "It was a long flight."

I'm glad it's been long enough now that I can do that safely.

He followed as Hiroko raced away and Toshiya led him through the inn to the locker room.

"You can undress here and either bathe with a wrap around your waist or with nothing. Whatever you like better. Come on back to the front of the inn when you are ready for your meal."

"Thank you," Victor sighed, breathing in the steamy air and feeling the tension and weariness leaking out of his body.

He sank down into the blazing water, letting out a more ragged sigh of relief. All of the worry seemed to seep away in the depths of the lovely pool.

This is amazing! It feels so good.

He almost forgot where he was and why he had left Russia, and everything that had been weighing on him. So calmed by the heat and steam, he closed his eyes and almost drifted off right there. But after several minutes, the door to the hot spring room burst open and the young man he had been seeking skidded into the room, panting hard and looking ready to jump out of his skin.

What a cute reaction!

"V-victor, wh-why are you here?" Yuuri asked breathlessly.

Recalling the brazenness of the young man's invitation, Victor stood in the pool and gave Yuuri a wide, friendly smile.

"Hello, Yuuri," he answered cheerfully, giving Yuuri a wink, "Starting today, I'll be your new coach. You're going to get to the Grand Prix Final…and you're going to win."

Victor blinked in surprise at the howled WHAT? that escaped the man in front of him.

Why does he look so surprised? He asked me to come here, right? He asked me to be his coach. It's like in the video, after he ran away from me before. What is wrong with this boy? Is he bipolar or schizophrenic or something? Whatever, I'm sure we'll figure this out.

"Come now, Yuuri," he chuckled, "I'm starving. Why don't we go and eat?"