Chapter 17: Beautiful

(Inspired by the song of the same name by Christina Aguilera)

XXXXXXXXXX

Victor watched, calling out intermittent words of encouragement and praise from the top of a long set of stone steps as Yuuri huffed and puffed his way to the top, then turned and started back down again.

Yuuri is doing well as far as building his strength and stamina and losing weight, but unfortunately, I seem to be making little progress in getting him to open up to me. I don't recall ever having so much trouble connecting with someone when I wanted to, but…Yuuri is different.

He continued to work at it as Yuuri finished the step exercises and they moved on to a park bench. Victor sat down on the bench, while his training student used the other end to practice launching himself up into the air and landing. He tried again to get a conversation going.

"So, do you have feelings for Minako?" he asked conversationally.

"What? No!" Yuuri objected.

"Do you have a lover now?"

"Eh…no."

"How about ex-lovers?"

"Erm…I don't really wanna talk about it," Yuuri mumbled, blushing.

Ah, no lovers…

"Okay, then let's talk about me," Victor offered, "My first lover…"

"Sto-op!" Yuuri squawked, his flush darkening.

Victor sighed in exasperation and dropped his chin onto one hand, looking off into the distance.

Damn it, we are getting nowhere!

But just as he was beginning to feel genuinely discouraged, his eye landed on the castle at the top of the nearby hill.

"Hey Yuuri, what is that building over there?" he asked, reaching for anything that would get his shy student talking.

"Oh, that's Hasetsu's castle," Yuuri informed him, "It's really just a façade with a ninja house inside."

Victor's eyes widened and he stood and took a closer look.

"Really? Ninjas?"

"Yeah," Yuuri chuckled, acting as though a house full of ninjas was the most normal thing in the world.

Victor dashed away, towards the castle, leaving Yuuri looking befuddled for a moment before he shook his head and followed. The excited Russian snapped several photos, then had Yuuri take one.

"Here, let me see," Victor exclaimed, "I want to see!"

I was trying so hard to start a conversation that I forgot to even look around me. Japan has so many things that I've never seen or experienced, and one of the things I can do to encourage Yuuri to have more confidence is to put him in a position to share things with me about his life, his home, here in Hasetsu.

After that, it seemed all too easy to get Yuuri talking. In addition to exercising, they spent the next several days running, walking or biking to nearby places, where Yuuri pointed out his favorite sights and filled his coach in on all of the curious details and local superstition about the places. The two had just finished visiting a local shrine, when Victor paused, breathing in deeply. Yuuri gave him a curious look, then he smiled.

"Oh, you must smell what they're cooking at Haru and Mako's," he realized, "It's just at the end of the block. They have the best seafood in Hasetsu, but they're pretty expensive."

"Wow! That sounds great. Let's go, Yuuri!" Victor exclaimed, grabbing his hand.

"V-victor, just like that?"

"Do we need a reservation or something?" Victor asked, pulling him along.

"Um, no, but…ah…weren't we…?"

"Let's go here now, Yuuri."

"B-but isn't it still a little early for lunch?"

"I'm hungry now," Victor insisted, "and it smells so good! I can't wait. Let's go."

The delicious smells only got better as the two jogged down the street to the restaurant. As they entered, a young woman met them at the front door and bowed politely.

"Welcome to Haru and Mako's," she greeted them in Japanese, "How many will be in your group?"

"Just the two of us," Yuuri answered in English, "Do you have a table facing the water?"

"Yes, yes. Come right this way," the hostess answered, switching to English.

The two were quickly seated and Victor immediately began poring over the pictures on the menu, while Yuuri translated the words for him. After ordering, they sat, enjoying the view out the window and drinking hot green tea.

"So, have you been here very often?" Victor asked, sipping his tea.

"Eh, no, not really," Yuuri mumbled, "Like I said, it's pretty expensive, so we only go to a place like this for a special occasion…and I haven't been home in five years, so…"

"Oh, right," Victor answered, "Wow, everything looks so good, I don't know what to try first."

He lingered over the choices for several more minutes before making his selections, then he watched, smiling, as Yuuri ordered for the two of them. As he finished, he noticed that Victor's teacup had been emptied, and his coach was reaching for the teapot. Victor blinked in surprise as Yuuri's cool hand touched his to stop him.

"What?" Victor asked curiously, "Did I do something wrong? Am I supposed to wait for the meal or something?"

"No," Yuuri explained, "It's just customary that one should never fill his own glass, even if he is hosting. Please, allow me."

"Of course," the Russian answered, smiling.

Yuuri poured his coach a fresh cup of tea, then nodded approvingly as Victor returned the gesture.

"Thank you," the Russian said gratefully, "There is a lot that's different, here in Japan. It's great to be educated by a native."

"It's…kind of fun being able to share everything with you," Yuuri responded, his cheeks flushing slightly, "You know, it would be great for me to learn a little more about Russia too."

Victor dropped his chin onto one hand, looking back at Yuuri steadily.

"What do you want to know?" he asked.

"Erm, I dunno," Yuuri chuckled, "Just tell me something you do that's different."

The arrival of their meal interrupted their conversation, and there were several long minutes of Victor chattering excitedly about how good the food smelled and tasted. When he had finally settled down, Yuuri steered him back to their earlier conversation.

"You were going to tell me something you do that's different because you're from Russia?" he prompted his coach.

"Oh right," Victor laughed, "I was so distracted by the food, I forgot."

"It doesn't take much," Yuuri snickered under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Oh nothing. Tell me something that's different in Russia."

"Hmm," Victor mumbled around a bite of food, "well, in Russia, before we leave from the house, it's customary to sit down and be quiet for a minute or two before we go."

"Oh really? What's the reason for that?"

Victor laughed softly.

"I don't really know. I don't know who does, but it's just a custom. Some say it's to pray for safety in our travels and some say it's so you can think carefully if you have done and packed everything."

"And you do this before you go anywhere?" Yuuri asked.

"I do," Victor affirmed, "I'm so forgetful that it's important for me to take the time to really think before I go anywhere. I wouldn't want to forget something important, like Maccachin!"

"What?" Yuuri objected, looking slightly panicked, "You've forgotten your dog?"

"Got you!" Victor teased, "Of course I've never forgotten Macca. I was just kidding."

"Oh right," Yuuri chuckled, "That's funny."

The two young men finished their meal, then they headed back to Yuutopia Katsuki, walking along the sandy beach and talking more quietly.

"You know, it is very different here than in Russia," Victor related, "It is a lot quieter, and everyone in this village seems to know everyone. Saint Petersburg is bigger, so it can't quite be like that, but…there are still places that are peaceful. I do love going to the beaches there too."

"I can see that you love the ocean," Yuuri observed.

"I do," Victor affirmed, "My life is very full with training and competition. There are always conferences and news reports, sometimes magazine shoots. It's easy to feel overwhelmed sometimes. But coming here to the beach and listening to the slow, steady sound of the surf…it lets me breathe that way…just more slowly, and it lets me recharge and get ready for the next day."

Yuuri smiled.

"And what does the legendary Victor Nikiforov think about when he's sitting on the beach in Saint Petersburg alone and daydreaming?"

Victor smirked.

"Do you want me to give you the answer I would give a reporter asking the same question? Or do you really want to know what is in my head?"

Yuuri gave him a curious look.

"How about both?" he asked softly.

Victor felt a little inward twinge as he moved closer to Yuuri to answer.

"I would tell the reporter…"

"That you often think of strategies for the next competition or sometimes new program material or music," Yuuri supplied, "You just

Victor laughed and his ocean colored eyes twinkled merrily.

"That's very good," he complimented his student, "That sounds like exactly what I would say if I was asked this by a reporter, but seeing as how you know me so well…"

"But, I don't!" Yuuri objected.

"Sure you do," Victor chided him teasingly, "I've been here almost a week and I have been nothing but willing to tell you anything you wanted to know…though you really haven't asked me much of anything. Except your question earlier about what things we do differently in Russia. So, go ahead, Yuuri. See if you can figure it out. I'm curious what you will say. What do you think goes through my mind when I'm standing on a quiet beach, alone, in Russia?"

Yuuri stopped and turned to face the water, closing his eyes and listening to the steady ebb and flow of the incoming waves. He was quiet for several long minutes as he considered. Victor waited silently, looking out at the water, but stealing little glimpses of his thoughtful student's attractive profile.

"Hmm, I think that maybe the legendary Victor Nikiforov is grateful for the times when no one is looking at him and expecting him to be someone different than who he is."

"Really?"

Yuuri kept his eyes closed and nodded.

"I think it's not that he doesn't love the attention that he gets, it's just that having so many eyes watching him all of the time can cause pressure, because he must always be polite to everyone and he must perform well in competition and look beautiful no matter what…although looking beautiful doesn't really ever seem to be a problem for…"

"You really think I'm beautiful, Yuuri?" Victor interrupted.

Yuuri's brown eyes flew open and he gave Victor a startled look.

"What? I didn't…" he stammered, "I mean I…!"

"It's okay," Victor laughed, mussing his flustered student's hair and turning away, "You don't have to…"

"Of course I think you're beautiful," Yuuri answered more loudly, his hands clenching at his sides and shaking very slightly, "Who doesn't?"

Victor stopped and turned back, smiling brightly.

"Okay then, here's what we will do now," he directed Yuuri, as though it was another skating lesson, "We will each tell each other what is beautiful about them."

"That's not fair!" Yuuri yelped, "I already…"

"You admitted that you find me beautiful," Victor explained, "Now, I want you to tell me what is beautiful about me, and I will tell you what is beautiful about you. That's fair, right? We do need to get to know each other better, don't we, Yuuri?"

"Well, yes, sure, but…"

"Then, this will help us to do that," Victor concluded, "Go on, then, or do you want me to go first?"

"Uh…" Yuuri said uncertainly, "um, I guess I'll go first."

"All right," Victor agreed.

Yuuri drew in a shaky breath, thinking carefully.

"There is no denying that Victor is a beautiful man," he said softly, his voice carrying lightly on the breeze, "It doesn't matter what clothes he wears or if his hair is brushed or tumbled, long or short. It doesn't matter if he's smiling or if he looks thoughtful. It's just hard to look away from his physical beauty."

"Wow!"

"But, that's just the outer beauty," Yuuri went on, "Inside, Victor is a mystery to everyone. People ask what is going on inside him and he gives them answers, but something in his eyes that are the color of the ocean, tells me that, like the sea, Victor's heart is so deep and so full that he could never put all of his thoughts and feelings into words. This is why he is so creative. Victor makes beautiful programs that let out little pieces of his heart, so that he can share that beautiful heart with the world."

Victor swallowed hard, blinking and feeling a tightening in his throat as Yuuri went on.

"But, I think that the most beautiful thing about Victor is his skating. It's how all of the emotion and the love and the light flow out of him and fill even the largest arena. It's how that light sinks down into everyone watching and for the time while he's skating, everything else disappears."

Yuuri stopped talking and stared at Victor's hand that had risen to clench slightly at his breast, over his heart.

"Victor, what…?"

"Sorry," the Russian apologized, smiling ruefully and blushing, which made Yuuri blush an even darker pink, "Yuuri just surprised me."

"Why is it surprising?" Yuuri asked, "It's just what anyone can see. But, it's your turn now."

"Right," Victor agreed, turning to look at the rushing waves, "What do I think is beautiful about Yuuri?"

"Yeah."

"I think Yuuri is cute," Victor answered, "most especially when he is drunk."

"When have you seen me drunk?" Yuuri objected.

"The Grand Prix Final banquet?" Victor reminded him.

Yuuri's blush came roaring back, making Victor giggle.

"Oh god, can you not remind me of that?" Yuuri moaned.

"All right," Victor relented, "I also think that Yuuri is a mystery inside. God knows it's been terribly difficult for me to get close enough to see what's inside."

"Victor!"

"But," Victor said, placing a warm hand on Yuuri's soft cheek and looking into his widened eyes, "when Yuuri skates, the way he moves is so beautiful, and it lets out all of the things that he doesn't let anyone see the rest of the time. Yuuri on the ice is passionate and confident."

"As long as he's not falling on every other jump because he's anxious," Yuuri sighed.

"The most beautiful thing about Yuuri," Victor went on, "is his skating."

"Really?"

"Mmhmm. It's like Yuuri has been tracing the path of my blades for most of his life, trying so hard to reach out for me. Doing that has taught him to look past what everyone else sees, and to really see me. Maybe Yuuri is often flustered and he doesn't like everything about me, but his dedication to working so hard and following in my footsteps make me feel…like I wasn't so alone all of that time."

He heard Yuuri give a little laugh and turned his head to look at the Japanese skater questioningly.

"When has Victor ever needed to feel alone?" Yuuri asked, "I don't think, except for the hot spring when you arrived, that I have ever even seen Victor alone anywhere."

"Except for that ni—" Victor began.

Yuuri seemed to realize suddenly that he had overstepped some boundary and he backpedaled, reaching up to cover his mouth with his hands.

"S-sorry! I'm sorry!" he managed, "I didn't mean to be rude. I guess everyone gets lonely sometimes, even with other people. Victor may be a skating legend, but he is still a real person, and real people sometimes get lonely."

"Yes," Victor agreed, smiling sadly, "they do. But, I confess I am not lonely at all since I have come to Hasetsu. Your family has been so welcoming and it is good getting to know you better, Yuuri."

"Really?" Yuuri asked, blushing.

"Yes, really," Victor chuckled, taking his hand, "Come now, let's get back home."

The two were quiet as they returned to Yuutopia Katsuki, where they took a long soak in the hot spring before relaxing in the bar area and watching television together. After dinner and more conversation, Victor bid Yuuri and his family goodnight and walked back to his guest room, where he crawled into bed, feeling sleepy, but with too full of a mind to settle down. He laid on his back with his hands behind his head, looking up at the ceiling and replying their conversation at the beach.

I wonder if I should have told him.

There was a moment when I thought about that, but I hesitated and the moment got away from me. One part of me thinks that Yuuri needs to know about our daughter, and the other part of me says that he's not ready to hear it. I wonder if there will ever be a right time…if I will ever feel ready to tell him.

It's unfair that I am accepting the hospitality of Yuuri and his family, and I am asking so much of him as a skater and as a person, yet I am holding back something that belongs to him too. Sometimes, I think I just don't want to hurt him, but I suppose I'm being selfish.

Victor smiled as he drifted towards sleep and he left his worries to go back to their conversation again.

Yuuri really thinks I am beautiful. And he doesn't just notice what is on the outside He also loves what's inside, and he sees it more clearly than other people do. All those years of tracing my path and paying attention to every detail have given Yuuri perspective that other people lack. With Yuuri by my side, I feel understood. I feel cared for.

I feel…loved.

He turned and curled his body around Maccachin, who had slipped into the room unnoticed and hopped up, onto the bed.

"Oh, you're not abandoning me to go and sleep with Yuuri, eh?" he snickered, kissing the old poodle on one floppy ear, "Goodnight, Maccachin."

He closed his eyes and fell asleep with a little smile on his face, completely unaware of the little whirlwind that was heading for Japan…yes, that whirlwind named Yuri Plisetsky that was about to turn everything in Victor's world upside down.