AN: Thank you for all the support! It is very deeply appreciated!
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
Severus rolled his eyes. He didn't have the patience to deal with Sirius' histrionics.
"I had her set up with the perfect man! They were intellectually compatible, could've created brilliant potions, laughed at each others jokes! Everything was perfect until…"
Severus folded his arms over his chest.
"Until you destroyed it all!"
"What did I do exactly?" Severus' expression was that of pure boredom.
"You came in and distracted Hermione from him! She was so busy paying attention to you that she didn't even notice him."
"How could she have focused on me when I was outside stargazing at the pearly gates?"
"You did something to seduce her before she left!"
"Did she ever give any indication of what I did?" Severus smirked.
"I don't know, but all she could talk about was how she was interested in-or should I say denying she was interested in-this unavailable man who was going back home. She believed it was a reason not to embark on a relationship with him."
"She never told me about him." Severus' glow dimmed.
"Oh don't give me that. I have no patience for your sarcasm."
"I'm not being sarcastic." He bowed his head. "I'm just surprised she never mentioned anyone like that to me."
"Of course she didn't." Sirius pointed to him. "Because you are him!"
"Excuse me?" He raised his head.
"You are that man! You're distracting her and making her like you more than other end."
"So this is all my fault again?"
"Yes!"
"Oh...I know what happened." Severus' glow brightened.
"What?"
"This plan blew up in your face so you need a scapegoat. That is why you are yelling all this nonsense at me."
"My plan was brilliant, but you ruined it."
Severus frowned as his glow became red. "Must you blame me for all your blunders?"
"Only when they're completely your fault," Sirius retorted.
"I do not know who Hermione was referring to or what she said at dinner, but I assure you she does not want any kind of relationship with me."
"What makes you so sure of that?"
"Because she is an intelligent woman who knows better than to get involved with the likes of me."
"Oh because you're so much better than her and she is smart enough to know it."
"No, because she can do so much better than me, and she is smart enough to know it," Severus argued.
"What the hell is wrong with me?"
Luna sat on the chair across from Hermione's desk, a tender hand over her swollen stomach. If she was patient Hermione would stop with her histrionics and tell Luna what had transpired last night.
"On paper he was the perfect man! He was stable, attentive, and to a certain degree funny!"
"He sounds like a prince."
"I wouldn't say a prince." Hermione twisted her lower lip.
"You're right, he isn't dark enough to be your prince," Luna answered.
"Dark enough?" Hermione raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think any prince of mine would dark?"
"I think you know exactly what I mean," Luna replied. "You know a dark prince, and find him far more interesting than whoever this date was."
Hermione huffed.
"Being perfect on paper is overrated anyway. Plenty of people are perfect together on paper, but they aren't meant for each other."
"True, he is in love with an English professor, so it was never meant to be."
"Then you should be happy he's focusing on her now instead of distracting himself with you until he gets the courage to go after what he wants." The baby kicked within her.
"I am happy for him, I truly am but," Hermione ran her fingers through her hair. "Ugh, I don't understand! I have a good man in front of me and I ignore him in favor of…"
Luna blinked.
"Oh it doesn't matter."
"Yes, it does."
"I think there's something defective about me. It isn't good enough for me to have a nice man. He needs to be dark, brooding, brilliant, yet underneath all that snark have a tender heart."
"In other words." Luna's eyes glistened. "You want Severus Snape."
"Suddenly you aren't good enough for someone," Sirius replied. "Sure, I can believe that."
Severus picked up a book and put it in front of him. Even if he'd read The Timeaus several times, it was worth rereading if it got Sirius to grow bored with this exercise and return to earth.
"Hey." Sirius took the book and threw it across the room.
"Why did you do that?"
"Because I'm trying to have a conversation with you, and you're ignoring me."
"Fine, but you shouldn't treat a book so callously."
"Only you and Hermione would care how a book is treated." Sirius would've grunted if he could.
"If you want your reading materials to last then I'd suggest you learn to start appreciating them too." Severus stormed over towards it.
"Why do you think Hermione can do better than you?"
"You have listed my inadequacies more times than either of us can count. Why do you need me to go over them again?"
"Because I don't want to hear what you think I already know. I want to know why of all the reasons for why Hermione shouldn't be in a relationship with you, you say that she's smart enough not to get involved. Why?"
"To begin, I am a spirit and she is a mortal. She is intelligent to grasp the implications of our situation. I will ascend to heaven and she will move onto someone else." His glow turned blue.
"There you go again, getting depressed at the thought of Hermione with another man," Sirius noted.
"Sirius, I swear this better have a point." Severus' glow was red.
"Okay fine, you have feelings," Sirius locked eyes with him. "There's a way out of this."
"Yes, you can work on this imaginary problem, preferably somewhere in Antarctica where I don't need to deal with you."
"You just need to sit her down and explain that you are going to heaven in the very near future unless…"
Severus made his way back to the couch.
Sirius' eyes grew as his glow intensified. "It all makes sense. The pink glow, the way you turn blue at the thought of her dating, not wanting to go to heaven anymore."
"Please stop yammering on about nothing."
"You're in love with Hermione Granger!"
"I'm in love with Severus Snape?"
"I'm in love with Hermione Granger?"
"No, no." Hermione shook her head as if it would erase Luna's words. "I do not love Severus."
"Why not?"
"To begin with, he's a spirit."
"So? My mum's a spirit and I love her."
"Yes, but you don't want to be with her." Hermione's voice softened. "At least not the way I want to be with Severus."
"No, I can't be with her physically, but you have that chance. Don't throw it away," Luna replied.
"I'm not throwing anything away. I'm just saying that it isn't clear how this will all work."
"You'll find a way to make it work."
"How?"
Luna shrugged.
"Look Luna we..." Hermione frowned. "No, I'm not playing this game with you. I'm not in love with Severus."
"What about him precludes you from falling in love with him other than the minor issue of him being a spirit?"
"It isn't a minor issue."
"That's debatable."
"Fine, we'll move onto a less minor issue, one even you can't deny," Hermione replied. "I was once Severus' student. Surely he's considered me a know-it-all more than a few times."
"Why are you lying?"
"Who said I'm lying?"
"If he considered you a know-it-all then he wouldn't come to you night after night and help you with this potion."
"Fine, he doesn't treat me like a know-it-all. In fact, he's treated me like I'm the most intelligent person he's ever met, even when I'm being a dunderhead." She sighed.
"A dunderhead like you're being right now?" Luna gave her a half smile.
"No, I'm being very intelligent," Hermione argued. "Severus can do better than me, and he knows it."
"How?"
"In heaven there are hundreds of angels and millions of souls. One of them must be able to capture his interest. When he meets her I'll be a distant memory."
"He already has met a soul that captures his interest." Luna smiled. "And she's right here on earth."
"No, no." Severus shook his head, as if it would erase Sirius' words. "I do not love Hermione."
"Why not?"
"She's a mortal."
"True, that is a difficulty."
"A difficulty?" Severus sat on the couch. "I would say that fact makes any love between us an impossibility."
"Still the Trinity is about love, and people do love spirits from afar." Sirius scratched his chin. "With a little help we could make this work."
"You cannot seriously be considering the logistics of a relationship between Hermione and me."
"No, I'm just trying to see how this is even possible," Sirius mused.
"It's not, so drop it."
"Other than the spirit thing, why wouldn't it work?"
"You're really going to do this with me."
"Yes," Sirius replied. "Why don't you think you belong with Hermione?"
"To begin with, I was her professor."
"Do you care about that?"
"Of course not, but Hermione might."
"Has she indicated that she cares?"
"No," Severus' glow pulsated. "In fact, she feels as if I am an equal. She has never held my questionable teaching methods against me."
"What other reason would she have not to love you?" Sirius asked.
"I am older than her."
"If we weren't spirits I would care about that," Sirius replied. "Yet once you face down eternity you realize age really is only a number."
"She is a mortal, and must have a harem of men lusting after her."
"Which is why she's spending her evenings with you."
Severus hummed.
"She already has a man who captures her interest, and he's right here in Purgatory."
"I think you should pursue a relationship with Severus."
"A relationship?" Hermione didn't mean to be so loud, but this conversation was becoming too surreal.
"Sure. Just tell him how you feel and see where things go from there."
"He could go to hell for seducing a mortal."
"Did he tell you that, or do you just suspect that?"
She bit her lower lip.
"From what I understand, a saved soul cannot be damned, so he should have no problem getting into heaven, assuming he hasn't already found it with you," Luna replied.
"My house is far from heaven."
"True, but it's as close as he's ever gotten to it."
"This conversation is ridiculous."
"Only because you're being ridiculous."
"I am not in love with Severus Snape, and more importantly, he is not in love with me."
"Okay." Luna removed her hands from her stomach and locked eyes with Hermione. "Just answer this."
"What?"
"If Severus wasn't a spirit and you knew he felt the same way about you as you do him, would you want a relationship with him?"
"This is a bloody mess," Sirius moaned.
"The only mess is the one you've created in your head," Severus snapped.
"I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now."
"You are supposed to roam the earth until you think of a scheme to reduce your Purgatory time. I will sit here reading."
"Or will you spend your time thinking about Hermione?"
Severus furrowed his eyebrows.
"The first thing we should do is get your feelings sorted out."
"There's nothing to sort out."
"If you weren't turning pink and blue all the time I'd agree."
Severus picked up another book.
"Fine, go back to ignoring me, but first answer this."
"What?"
"If Hermione wasn't a mortal and you knew she felt the same way about you as you do her, would you want a relationship with her?"
Hermione's eyes betrayed her "yes."
Severus' eyes betrayed his "yes."