AN: Thank you for all the support! It is very deeply appreciated!
Hermione had promised herself years ago that she would no longer cry herself to sleep over a man. After so many nights crying for Ron, she just wanted a deep sleep without being emotionally exhausted the next morning. So far she'd kept that promise, until a snarky potions master had entered her life and stolen her heart. Now she was curled into a ball on her bed, blankets over her head. Tears stained the sheets as she gasped for breath.
How had Severus managed to capture her heart? Why had she let her guard down knowing how different their situations were? Had she learned nothing from her past experiences?
The room temperature rose.
When had she become so careless with her heart that she would just give it away to the first spirit who stopped on her doorstep?
"Hermione?"
She hiccuped as she evened her breathing.
"Hermione, are you awake?"
She uncurled herself and poked her head out from the blankets.
"I apologize if I disturbed you." Severus' glow was soft. "I did not know if you were still awake."
"I'm awake," she croaked.
"I apologize if I disturbed you."
"No, you're fine. I couldn't get to sleep anyway." She sniffed.
"Why were you trying to sleep? It is only nine o'clock."
"What else was there to do? I couldn't focus on reading or work on our formulas. I was hoping a good night's rest would help clear things up."
"If you need more time to clear things up I can leave."
"No!"
His eyes grew.
"Please stay." She wiped her face. "I need you."
"I need you too," he whispered.
"Are you only saying that because I'm upset?"
"I'm saying it because it's the truth."
She brushed another tear from her eyes.
His glow pulsated. "I apologize for upsetting you. It was never my intention to hurt you. It seems that I did though."
"No, this isn't your fault." She allowed her blanket to fall, exposing her pink shirt with black lettering.
"Angel?"
She glanced down at the black words on her shirt and shrugged. "This is one of my favorite shirts."
"It is a very lovely shade of pink on you. It is a very fitting shirt, on a multitude of levels."
"Thank you." It came out more like a question.
"Indeed." Severus' glow flickered. "I am off topic though. I came here to apologize for running out as I did."
"No, I should be the one saying, 'I'm sorry.' I should not have allowed myself to get close to you as I have. I'm mucking everything up, and I know it."
"No, I am mucking things up." Severus walked through her bed until her was in front of her.
"I don't want you to risk not going to heaven for me." She clutched her sheets.
"Heaven is the least of my concerns right now."
"I think it should be one of your greatest ones considering…"
He motioned for her to be silent. His voice was soft. "Please, let me finish this thought. Otherwise I will lose courage and it'll never come out."
She closed her mouth.
"It was wrong of me to run out as I did. My only defense is that I am a man who is unaccustomed to dealing with heavy emotions, or emotions in general."
She nodded.
"When we touched, I overreacted. I did not expect the sensation to be as powerful as it was."
"I didn't either," she whispered. "But it was one of the happiest moments of my life."
"It was the happiest moment of my existence."
"Still, if it cost you anything, I apologize."
"It didn't cost me a thing."
"Not even heaven?"
"To my knowledge no."
She blinked.
"I saw Dismas when you were gone. He mentioned nothing about it." Severus' glow brightened.
"But you didn't bring it up either."
"There was no need to."
"Why wouldn't it have been worth bringing up?" She sat up straighter. "You touched a mortal, gave her a sensation which was more powerful than an orgasm, and she admitted she felt an affection for you. How is that not worth bringing up?"
"Because giving you eudaimonia is part of my mission."
"I'm completely lost," she drawled. "How is getting a mortal to feel affection for you part of your mission?"
"First of all, you are not any mortal. You are Hermione Granger, an amazing woman I am privileged to know."
Her lips curled up.
"Second of all, my mission is to bring you eudaimonia. I seems my relationship with you is doing just that."
"What are we though?"
"What do you want to be?"
She picked at a string on the hem of her sheets.
"Hermione?"
She hummed.
"What do you want to be?"
"I." She swallowed. "I want to be in a relationship."
"We are technically in one."
"No, I mean." She swallowed. "I want to be in a romantic relationship with you."
His glow dimmed as he turned white.
"Please don't hold me to that." She bowed her head. "Forget I said anything."
"No, it isn't that."
Her lower lip quivered.
"I never thought I'd hear those words out of anyone's mouth, much less yours."
She looked at him.
"Do not get me wrong, as a woman I have noticed you." He turned a light shade of pink. "Oh Trinity have I noticed you."
She gave him a smile.
"Still, I am not accustomed to having a woman show interest in me, especially not one I had romantic sentiments towards."
"You have romantic sentiments towards me?"
"Somewhat against my will." His pink glow brightened.
She giggled.
"If I was alive I would punish you for laughing at me."
"Don't damn yourself on my account."
"If I go down, I'm taking you with me."
She erupted into laughter. He chuckled beside her.
When they quieted, she gulped. "You said a woman you had romantic feelings towards didn't show interest in you."
"I did."
"Have you had many romantic sentiments towards anyone else?"
"Admittedly, Lily was the only woman I felt anything towards in life, ultimately to my detriment."
"I wouldn't say it was to your detriment." Her vote was stronger. "Your feelings towards her helped shape you into the man you are, the man I am hopelessly attracted to."
He turned a brighter shade of pink.
"I want you, I honestly do. If you were alive…" Her face was rouge.
"You have no ideas the things I would do to you if I had a body." He smirked.
She giggled.
"That being said." His glow was a light blue. "I am not in a body. If this is an insurmountable obstacle I understand."
"I don't care at all about your lack of a body."
"Perhaps you should. I cannot give you many of the things a mortal man can."
"No mortal man is you though."
"I suppose I am unique."
"You are." She leaned over to kiss him on the nose, but fell through him.
"That is what I mean," He warned. "I cannot hold you at night, give you children, or see your other friends. We will be in different forms until the day you die."
"You act as if I care."
"On some level, should you not care?"
"No."
He raised an eyebrow.
"Severus, I don't understand what's developed between us, but I know analyzing it will do us no good. I want you beside me throughout my life, in whatever form you take."
"I cannot guarantee I will be there your entire life. They may decide I have given you eudaimonia, or decide I am more suited for Purgatory."
"Then let's enjoy the time we have together, the time we know we have."
"Are you certain you want to spend that much time with me?"
"I've never been so certain of anything in my life."
His glow was a bright yellow.
"I know we overanalyze things, and we don't give our hearts away easily, but if you're willing to be in this with me, I want nothing more than to be with you," she replied.
"I want to be with you as well." His glow was pink. "I've never wanted anything more than I want you at this moment."
She extended her hand. "Will you please touch me again?"
He grinned before taking clasping her hand in his.
Once again, she was at peace with the world. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, she knew he cared for her and just as importantly, he knew she cared for him. Even if they refused to say those three pesky words, she knew they were in love.
Somehow, that love would get them through whatever challenges lie ahead.