Chapter 39 Donna

Donna sat in the lobby of the Hilton Hotel and casually flipped through a magazine. Her eyes were captured by the colourful pictures on the glossy surface, but her mind was not. Instead she was mentally transported to a place and time away from her physical location.

Donna remembered how Dr Joyce Amy Zachery entered her life. Four years ago, her life stopped and started again. The pivotal moment came after a routine medical checkup revealed she literally had a physical time bomb in her chest in the form of an aneurism waiting to explode. She thanked God every day for providing her with the best medical team in the world, because of their quick response, and the skill of the head surgeon, one Doctor Joyce Amy Zachery at her operating table, she was alive today to tell the tale.

Prior to her surgery Donna was a workaholic. She was an equal partner in the law firm she jointly owned with her brother and one of her cousins. Her track record in the courtroom was second to none and she took a lot of pride in her ability to secure not guilty verdicts for her rich clients. Her life was centered on her career with very little time for anything else. Lasting personal romantic relationships were few and far between in her life. Firstly, she did not have a lot of time for socializing, and secondly she was a no nonsense type of woman. She was straightforward, and direct in her manner, and this sometimes put off potential suitors.

Her recovery from the surgery took a little longer than expected because even though Donna was slim and trim, her body was not as fit as she and her doctors originally thought. Years of rushed breakfast, long work hours, and many a night of inadequate rest all added up to a slow recovery period. The time she spent in hospital and then on extended medical leave from work forced her to look long and hard at her life. It was a sobering thought when she came to the realization that all her degrees and awards meant nothing in the face of death. While she was helping accused persons stay out of jail, she was not helping her physical health nor was she feeding her soul.

After she fully recovered, Donna changed her life. She cut back tremendously on her case load focusing more on Pro Bono cases instead of the over privileged rich clients she specializes in before. She also began eating properly and resting more. But most of all she began to cultivate more meaningful relationships with her relatives and friends. She consciously began putting people before things; before the money and her career.

Joyce was not her primary doctor, therefore Donna had very little interaction with her while at the hospital. It wasn't until after she was fully recovered that Donna actively sort Joyce out to express her indebtedness to her. Her relationship with Joyce began as gratitude for saving her life. To show her appreciation, Donna gifted Joyce with a bouquet of flowers now and then. Slowly they moved from a professional relationship to acquaintances as Donna invited Joyce out on occasional luncheon dates and she accepted. As the frequency of their lunches together increased, their relationship developed from acquaintances to friends.

Donna was surprised Joyce accepted her first luncheon invitation but as Joyce explained to her afterwards, she considered Donna to be a walking miracle. Joyce confided that she wanted to personally observe Donna away from a medical setting to determine how she was doing after coming off her extended medical leave.

The months turned into years and Joyce became more and more relaxed in her presence to the point of sharing personal information with her. Donna learned about Joyce's relationship with Kami and she concluded immediately that Joyce's pride was more hurt than her heart. Donna did not doubt that Joyce loved Kami, but it was not the kind of love that was deep and abiding, the kind of love that would weather any storm.

A group of persons walked pass Donna as she sat in the Hilton's lobby, and their laughter distracted her from her memories. She looked at the group and suspected they were a family because they had a similarity in their facial features and gestures. She continued looking at them and smiled because she felt the love and affection the group had for each other as they continued to laugh and joke together.

Love … love …. Donna smiled and shook her head as more memories came to the forefront of her mind. When she reached out to Joyce after her surgery, she did not have any ulterior motives, she was not in love with her nor was she seeking an affair. She genuinely wanted to show her appreciation to the doctor who saved her life. But as they continued to have lunch together from time to time, her interest in Joyce began to deepen. Then lunches progressed to dinner, and dinners to concerts and plays, then long weekends at various resorts when one or both of them needed to relax away from their normal routine.

Their friendship grew as they got to know each other better, and it did not take long for Donna to recognize the similarities between some of Joyce's character traits and her own. She considered herself to be a plain-spoken woman, never one to sugar coat what she thought about a situation or someone, and Joyce was the same. At the same time, she was diplomatic when the occasion warrants it, especially when dealing with people. Joyce on the other hand was generally not, she could care less about the effect her attitude had on others. Their straightforward way of speaking and dealing with staff was where the two women diverged. Whereas Joyce would belittle and badger her cohorts or subordinates at the hospital to get them to raise to her level of perfection, Donna would use encouraging words and positive reinforcements with her employees. At the end both women got want they wanted from their staff, but Donna's staff and co-workers were not as stressed out as Joyce's.

Donna could not place a finger on the exact moment her love for her friend turned into something intimate. There was no epiphany or aha moment, it was as if her feeling quietly snuck up on her and one day she woke to an awareness that something fundamental had changed. Her sisterly sort of love grew into passionate love and this new situation posed a dilemma for Donna. She was cognizant of the fact that Joyce was involved with other people. Even though Donna knew Joyce did not have a significant other, the fact remained that Joyce dated both men and women.

After much consideration, Donna decided to keep her feelings to herself. Everyday Heavenly Father granted her life was a precious day to her. She had a wonderful friendship with Joyce, and she was not prepared to risk spoiling their bond by declaring undying love to Joyce only to have the feelings not reciprocated.

However, everything changed several days ago when Joyce found out Kami planned to marry. The harebrained scheme her friend came up with to upset Kami's life was the catalyst Donna needed to re-examine her decision to keep her feeling for Joyce a secret. When Joyce laid out her plans to come to New York and pitch her offer to Kami, Donna felt .… not jealous exactly, that evoked too strong an emotion, she felt …. unsettled. She was confident that Kami's love for her new partner would prevent her from considering Joyce's offer, she also suspected that Joyce's feelings would get a lashing in the process.

"At the risk of changing the dynamics of our friendship, I must tell Joyce how I feel. The last thing I want to do is lie to myself by believing she is in love with me. But at the same time there have been many an occasion Joyce looked at me with an odd expression on her face when she did not realize I could see her. The expression may not reflect the love I feel for her, but something is going on in the brilliant mind of hers, and it is time to explore it. If she categorically does not feel anything remotely romantic towards me, I will assure her our friendship will not change. Having her walk away from me and our friendship is not an option". Donna thought to herself as she ended her mental monologue.

Laying the magazine she was flipping through to the side, she contented herself to 'people watching' the hotel guests walked to and fro in front of her.

Jaz walked away from the couple with her back straight. For all the pleasantries at the end of her meeting with Kami, Jaz still felt hurt. The feelings of hurt nudged her to do something she hardly ever did, that was to beat up on herself. With each emotional blow she told herself that it was her controlling, bossy, perfectionist attitude that eroded her relationship with Kami. "I wonder if I was a different sort of person if Kami would still be with me? Would we still be together today?" Jaz asked as she kept replaying the conversation with her old lover in her mind.

"Hildy loves me from the depths of her soul. Can you honestly say you loved me like that Jaz?". The memory of those words spoken to her made Jaz wince. "Kami also said that she was Hildy's number one priority. I wonder if I can ever truly feel that strongly about someone that they become more important to me than my career, more important than any and everything I hold dear?" Jaz's heart clenched as she remembered the look of love she saw on Hildy's face when she approached the Bow Bridge with Kami.

Her eyes misted over as the longing for someone to care about her like that filled her heart and soul. Then without bidding it, and image of Donna rose in her mind causing her to stop walking as if she was commanded to do so by some unseen force.

Donna …. Donna …. Donna.

People walked around Jaz as she stood statue still just outside Central Park on the centre of the pavement. A group of officer workers were having hotdogs at a nearby roadside vendor when one of them looked up and saw the shock and frightened look on Jaz's face. Becoming concerned, the office worker walked over and gently asked "Lady, are you OK? You look like you need to sit down."

Jaz heard the voice and turned to the source. Slowly she refocused her vision to the here and now instead of the reel in her mind.

Jaz looked at the attractive woman in front of her in her business suit and immediately thought of Donna. The woman's skin was kissed with the same chocolate brown hue that encompassed her friend. Kami's words came rushing back to her as the woman in front of her continued to look at Jaz.

"Jazzy, what is the alternative? You said you have had a lot of relationships over the years and the fact that none of them lasted tells me something was missing. I understand you not wanting to mess up what you have with Donna but if you do not test the water to get an inkling of how she might respond, would you be able to live with yourself? Spend some time in reflection. Think about your personality traits that could do with some improvement and purpose in your heart by the Grace of God to be a better person. Then throw a line out at Donna and see if she nibbles. If she doesn't then you have not lost her friendship. But if she shows the slightest interest in something more then go for it. But please not in a roundabout way. Be honest and direct".

"Lady are you alright?" the question was posed once more but Jaz just continued to look at the stranger.

"Test the water, test the water, be honest and direct". Kami's words stopped playing on a mental loop and Jaz came to a decision.

Finally giving her full attention to the attractive woman standing in front of her, Jaz smiled and said "I am fine. Thank you for asking".

The stranger was struck by how much more beautiful the lady was when she smiled. Not willing to pass up an opportunity to get to know the lady better, the stranger offered to walk Jaz to the curb and hailed a taxi for her. Then she offered Jaz her phone number if in case she needed any assistance with anything. Jaz recognized the signs of someone trying to pursue a dalliance and politely stopped it before it had the opportunity to go further. She thanked the stranger, did not accept her contact information neither did she share hers.

As the stranger walked back to her co-workers who were still standing at the hotdog stand watching the interplay closely, she was greeted with chuckles, and light hearted teasing. Laughing along with them she said;

"Well a girl's got to try. Whoever is that woman's significant other is a lucky person".

Hildy and Kami watched Jaz walk away from them. They stayed standing in companionable silence for several moments before Hildy asked; "How are you feeling Sweetheart? I know this meeting was not easy".

Kami gave her lover a squeeze as her arm was still wrapped around Hildy's waist. "I feel relieved. I feel cleansed. I feel a little sad but still hopeful".

Hildy pulled away from the embrace and turned so she could see Kami's expression.

"Let's walk back to the Bethesda Terrace Arches and sit. You can share with me what those feelings mean". The ladies proceeded to do just that. After making themselves comfortable on one of the benches, Kami began to explain her feelings.

"Hills, you know how stressed I was yesterday when you told me Jaz was the mysterious client. I was so upset that I fainted", Kami's face blushed slightly at the memory. Sensing her lover's embarrassment, Hildy gently took hold of Kami's hand and squeezed it conveying her reassurance while remaining quiet.

"Seeing Jaz and clearing up her misconception was a tremendous relief. I did not realize how much I needed to explain to her why I left. It was only after we spoke that I felt a weight lifted off my shoulder, I felt washed from all the remnants, all the residue that was Jaz in my life. It felt good Hildy", Kami looked at her fiancée and smiled that smile that melted Hildy's heart every time. The stayed looking at each other for a while and neither spoke. Then Hildy remembered Kami also felt sad and hopeful at the same time in relation to Jaz.

Bringing the subject of Jaz up once more, Hildy enquired, "Love, what did you mean when you mentioned feeling sad yet hopeful?"

Kami expression got a little pensive as her conversation with Jaz played across her mind. Turning to face Hildy on the bench she said.

"Jaz has had a number of relationships since I left her. Those meaningless encounters make me feel sad for her. It was like she was searching for something that was elusive, something to hold on to. When I think of the love, we share it makes me wish she can have what we have with someone who truly understands her. Someone who would appreciates Jaz and is confident enough in her own sense of self that she would not allow Jaz to overshadow her".

Hildy listened with a thoughtful expression, "That is a tall order Kami. From all what I have learned about Jaz, she is a very possessive and controlling woman who is not happy when she does not get things her way".

Nodding in agreement Kami continued to speak, "Yes that is true but after speaking with her a while ago, I believe she has come to the point in her life where she realizes she needs to make some adjustments to her character if she is to ever find and hold on to happiness". Just then Kami's eyes began to twinkle, realizing her lover had something else to share, Hildy asked; "What is it? You have that look in your eyes that says you know something and are busting to tell me".

Moving even closer to her lady on the bench, Kami confided what Jaz told her about Donna.

Hildy listened then asked, "Do you think Jaz will take your advice, to 'test the water'? She may not want to risk her friendship with Donna. Suppose the woman takes offence at the advance?" Hildy did not share Kami's hope that Jaz would be willing to make any significant changes to how she behaved. But she did not want to dampen Kami's optimistic attitude, so she said nothing further.

"Yes, I believe Jaz will take my advice and approach Donna. Wouldn't it be something if they hit it off? I feel it in my heart that this is going to work out for Jaz", Kami said with another of her beautiful smiles. Hildy looked at her and softly chuckled, "You sound like a matchmaker there Kams. Next thing you will be planning their wedding".

After some more gentle teasing back and forth the ladies got up, bought a gyro from a vender outside Central Park and heading back to their office.

Joyce entered the Hilton hotel lost in the thoughts that moved like high speed trains all around her mind. She walked absently towards the elevators. Just then Donna turned her head and caught a glimpse of her walking across the foyer. Raising quickly, Donna walked in Joyce's direction.

"Joyce", Donna called, but her friend was so lost in thought that she did not hear her.

"Joyce!", Donna called again more loudly just as the elevator doors were beginning to open.

Joyce paused as she was about to step into the awaiting elevator. "I must really be losing it. I could have sworn I heard Donna's voice", Joyce thought to herself. Shaking her head she took a step into the elevator along with the other hotel guests. Just as the metal door began to close Donna reached it and pushed her arm inside the closing metal doors, effectively aborting the closing mechanism. As the doors widened once more she physically reaching in and took her friend's hand and pulled her back out.

Joyce looked at her with a shocked disbelieving expression on her face.

"Donna? …. What? … How? … " Joyce asked before shaking her head as if to clear it.

Her friend smiled and said in a cheery voice, "You are not seeing things, it's me. I decided to come give you some moral support because I knew your ill-advised plans to get Kami back would almost certainly amount to naught.

Joyce kept looking at her friend in amazement, here was Donna in the flesh standing in front of her. What kind of friend would travel from California to New York City to be with her? Kami's words about telling Donna how she felt kept playing in her mind but she could not bring herself to test the water, at least now yet, she needed a plan.

While Joyce had these thoughts, Donna was wondering how to share her feelings with Joyce. She was determined to let Joyce knew how she felt but she wanted to set the stage so that Joyce will not bolt if she was not ready to consider the possibility of them together.

Hooking her arm with Joyce, she led her through the foyer to the Salad Bar and said with laughter in her voice, "Lets grab a salad and you can tell me your woes".