AN:I don't know if I'll be able to post over the next couple of days. In case I didn't, I wanted to post this as an early Christmas gift.
As always, thank you for your support! If I don't post between now and next week Merry Christmas! Even if you don't celebrate the holiday, I hope it is filled with love and joy!
There was nothing more breathtaking than the distant fusion of souls.
Severus watched the specks of blue, red, and yellow comes together until they formed one bright flame. After a time they would separate, both specks brighter from the fusion. Sometimes they would re-fuse with each other, and others they would dance around each other in ecstatic flight.
"I thought you'd appreciate the night view of heaven again." Dismas waved his right hand, creating a chair from the violet clouds.
"I do love heaven when it is night." Severus' lips twitched upwards.
Dismas made another chair and sat upon it.
"Thank you again for meeting with me." Severus kept his eyes on the spirits. "I know it was short notice."
"No, I knew today would be hard, given everything we've discussed."
"True, but," Severus' eyes glistened. "The fusing souls are gorgeous. Thank you for the change of scenery."
"You are more than welcome." Dismas leaned back. "But I don't think you called me just to view heaven."
"Yes, we do have things to discuss." Severus turned to him as his glow dulled.
Dismas crossed his legs.
"Metatron is with Hermione."
The Good Thief's eyes grew.
"I do not know what the archangel wants with her, or if she can hold her own against him. All I know is when Sirius was spying on her, Metatron came and scared him away."
"Oh my." Dismas shook his head.
"You don't think he would hurt her, do you?"
"No, it wouldn't be in his best interest to harm a mortal, especially if he needs one for…" the saint's voice trailed off.
"What?" Severus went white.
"That sneaky little angel." Dismas chuckled as his eyes twinkled. "That sneaky little bastard."
"What is he doing?"
"Hermione is fine." Dismas laughed louder. "Metatron needs her, and he knows it."
"What could he possibly need her for?"
"A bottle of tequila."
Severus' eyes widened in understanding.
"Metatron has chosen Hermione for his little alcohol run."
"Why?"
"Because in his mind she got him into this mess, and she needs to help him get out of it."
"If she refuses…"
"The Trinity won't let him do a thing, though if I'm honest I think the chances of her not helping are slim." Dismas gestured for him to sit.
"Why do you think she'd help him?" Severus took his place. "She doesn't know him, and I doubt he's behaved well around her."
"First of all, Metatron does know how to behave around mortals."
"Oh right, he stabs them."
"No, he only does that to the one he really likes."
Severus did not appear amused.
"But I still think Hermione will help him. Mortals pure in heart often help angels."
"why would they do so?" Severus raised an eyebrow.
"It's difficult to explain, and I'm not sure anyone aside from the Trinity understands the mechanics of it all, but mortals can sense holiness, and often respond to it."
"Forgive me if I consider Metatron less than holy." Severus' glow was a soft red.
"He's holy in his way, even if he forgets it sometimes. Then again," Dismas shrugged. "Mortals are holier than they believe themselves to be, They often forget that too."
"Mortals are holy?"
"Of course they are. Everything part of the cosmic order is holy in its own way."
"That is an interesting viewpoint." Severus did not appear to believe a thing the saint had said.
"Everything depends upon each other, whether on earth or in the afterlife."
"How do angels depend on mortals?"
"They depend upon them to spread love," Dismas answered.
Severus cocked his head.
"Love is the order of the universe. The ultimate end of every created thing is to create and accept love. Heaven is merely the place where love is given most freely. Anything on earth can give love though given the opportunity."
"What if they reject love?"
"Then they have forgotten who they are, but that does not mean they are any less holy. It simply means they are lost."
"Voldemort was much more than lost," Severus noted.
"Yes, well, some people reject their holiness," Dismas' glow flickered. "Which is the greatest tragedy heaven is forced to witness."
"Indeed." Severus' hue returned to normal.
"I promise to keep an eye on Hermione. If Metatron gets out of line, then the Trinity is bound to step in. She's in no danger."
"I hope so." Severus slouched in his chair.
The spirits returned their attention to the fusing and separation of the orbs before them. The sounds of harps, trumpets, and flutes could be heard. Dismas didn't know if Severus could hear it given that usually only heavenly spirits could hear such music.. Sometime, Dismas should share the song with Severus, especially given how well he knew it.
He'd first heard it within two days of his death. The souls from limbo poured into heaven as the angels chanted the song. Nothing had ever sounded so glorious or triumphant in his existence. It was hard not to be taken up in the swell of the music, even if his spirit was struggling to process what had just occurred…
"Dismas?"
The saint turned to his companion.
"Will you become upset with me if I ask you something?"
"Not at all," the Good Thief replied. "Ask me anything."
"Can heaven ever take the place of losing a loved one?"
"Why would you ask that?" The saint's glow lessened.
"First, I must admit this mission has become quite complicated to me," Severus lowered his eyes. "See, I have grown quite fond of Hermione, so much so that I do not wish to leave her."
"You don't need to leave her. You will go to heaven, and she will hopefully join you upon death. There is no need for a separation."
"Yes, but she could live another century, perhaps longer," Severus locked eyes with Dismas. "That is a long time to wait for someone."
"True, but it may only seem as if it were a minute."
"Will it though?"
Dismas folded his hands.
"I have given this much thought, and there is nobody I wish to see up in heaven at the moment." Severus scratched his armrest. "Well, that is not entirely accurate, I would like to see Lily at some point, and obviously I would like to spend time with you. In truth, I would rather spend time with you than her. Perhaps I could send a spare thought to Sirius, though he will probably still in Purgatory when I return to heaven."
"I never thought you'd want to see Sirius."
"Believe me, I am as shocked as you are."
"It is a positive development."
"Either that or I have gone completely mad."
"You've grown and formed a new friendship," Dismas' glow was soft. "There is nothing wrong with that."
"Perhaps." Severus sat up straighter. "Still, it all seems empty if Hermione is not with me."
"It may feel that way for a time, but that will make the reunion all the much sweeter."
"What am I expected to do as I wait for her though? If I stand on top of a cloud, or stand beside the gates waiting for her, then if I can be blunt," Severus furrowed his eyebrows. "It sounds little better than Purgatory. I would rather stay in the program indefinitely than spend time waiting for Hermione while everyone else is joyful with their loved ones around me."
"I can understand the reluctance not to go to heaven…"
"What is the point of heaven if the ones we love are not there? Why should I ever want to be separated from Hermione?"
"Because heaven is good in and of itself. For that reason alone, it is worth the wait."
"For you perhaps it is, but what about someone like me who has nobody?"
"You would be in a similar position to me, always amongst the saints, making some of the best friends imaginable, but not with the people you wish most to see, leaving a twinge of emptiness," Dismas turned blue.
"Do you feel lonely?" Severus' voice was barely above a whisper.
"More often than I care to admit."
"Everyone loves you though. Gabriel plays concerts for you, and you go to parties thrown by saint Augustine. You're happy," Severus answered. "At least I thought you were."
"Oh no, I am happy." Dismas' glow was yellow and his smile serene. "I am more happy now than I have ever been. I would not trade the existence I have now for anything."
"Then why are you lonely?"
"Because, Gestas and Barabbas wouldn't come up with me," Dismas turned blue once more.
"Why?" Severus kept his focus on Dismas.
"In order to understand that, we need to start on the day I died." Dismas began. "Pilate was cruel, much crueler than any Christian admits. He didn't want to crucify Jesus, but he knew Barabbas, Gestas, and I were getting strength from each other. We weren't afraid of death because we had peace with each other. Barabbas was our leader. If he was set free, and had to watch us be crucified, then we would all die broken."
"So Pilate didn't believe Jesus was innocent?"
"No, he truly believed crucifying Jesus was a waste of lumber, but he knew that if Barabbas was released, he would inflict pain upon us. There was no way for him to lose."
"But it doesn't sound like you died a broken man."
"I didn't, but I still didn't expect to become a hero to million souls within minutes after an excruciating death. All I remember is my legs being broken, and then I in Jesus' arms, ascending to heaven amidst a storm. To tell the truth, I don't think Jesus or I had fully recovered from the blood loss and crucifixion pain before the angels stuck the golden cross in my arms and told me to march down to Limbo in order to free the souls so we could all obtain paradise."
"You must have felt cheated. Nobody said you would need to forego paradise for a time for the greater good." Severus lowered his voice at the last two words.
"Honestly, I was more than happy to do it when I realized Gestas was down there and I could save him."
"Did someone tell you that?"
"Not in as many words, but when they mentioned saving souls, well, I knew I could help him. He may have run his mouth off about things, and he wasn't always the smartest person, but he was a good person at heart. Then again," Dismas sagged. "I was his co-murderer, so perhaps my views are distorted."
"You are more perceptive than many spirits give you credit for," Severus replied. "If you say he was a good man despite his shortcomings, then I believe you."
"Thank you," Dismas' expression was distant. "It didn't take long to find him. He was near the gates, just staring into space. I told him to acknowledge his wrongdoings and join me, but he was still in shock over the whole ordeal. I was pleading with him, begging him as I struck demons with the cross and directed souls to heaven. He was too paralyzed by his own inadequacies to move."
"I understand what it is like to be crushed by inadequacies, but I can safely say I would have moved. Why did he not?"
"I think the full weight of everything he'd done came crashing on him, and he felt unworthy. I mean, he wasn't seeing the Redeemer you saw at your trial, but a fully glorified, divine being."
"There's a difference between what I saw and who the Redeemer is?"
"He takes many forms. Gestas first met him as a beaten man, but to see the Redeemer in his true glory, to see the Trinity as they are…" Dismas' glow was bright as the morning star. "It is an experience, that is for sure. There is such peace, such love radiating from that light the Trinity emits. If you ever experienced it you would understand."
"And Gestas couldn't handle that."
"No, he could not." Dismas' glow was nearly extinguished. "I pleaded with him, begged him, as I crushed the demons and directed everyone out. The crowd of souls was thinning out. I knew I needed to leave. I couldn't stay there. When I saw the Redeemer approach, I knew if I stayed, I risked being there forever. I gave Gestas one last look, followed the souls, and entered paradise."
"I'll bet it didn't feel like you'd entered paradise at the time."
"The feeling of peace was instant, as was the feeling that I was where I needed to be. I've never doubted that I made the right decision in leaving Limbo, but it came with a cost."
"Everything comes with a cost."
"Indeed it does."
Severus wondered if Dismas wished he could've cried. The only time anyone had ever given him that expression was when tears were streaming down their eyes, or if they were too numb to weep.
"Barabbas died four years later," Dismas continued. "He'd watched our crucifixions from the distance, and apparently never recovered. He got into a bar fight and was stabbed in the heart. Death seemed to come as a relief to him, as did seeing me."
"Yet he chose hell too."
"More or less."
"Was he damned?"
"No, but he made it clear he wasn't going to heaven."
"Why?" Severus asked.
"I was at his trial, and Anubis was the prosecutor. The list of crimes was extensive, as to be expected, but when we were in the waiting room Barabbas asked me where Gestas was. I explained everything, while telling him how amazing heaven was." Dismas' glow was almost nonexistent. "He told me that I sounded happier than Gestas, and that I could take care of myself."
"So he abandoned you?"
"I wouldn't call it abandonment per se. He went where he felt he was needed, even though I told him together we could get Gestas out of hell. If he saw how happy we were, if he understood that peace would be his if he would cry out and repent, he would do it."
"But Barabbas refused to listen."
"He looked me in the eye, gave me a pat on the back, told me to take care of everyone up there, and asked me to never forget him. Belial came, put him on a train, and he was gone," the last words were a whisper. "Just gone."
"Why do you stay in heaven if you can't be with them?"
"Because peace and eudaimonia are worth having, and I cannot give them up for anyone. Otherwise, I would be saying they were worthless," Dismas' yellow glow crackled from his essence. "If I went to hell knowing what I do about heaven, I would resent them for costing me my peace. It's better for everyone if I stay here and say their name a few times a year, hoping they can hear me and experience the peace and joy I have. Perhaps if they get a sense of it they'll reach for it and come up here."
"What if they never come?"
"Never is a long time," Dismas' glow was azure. "There's more than enough time for them to join me, or so I pray every time the Trinity fuses."
Severus nodded.
"I know heaven seems like Purgatory when you're alone, and nobody up there will ever replace your loved ones, but it is valuable. That much, I can promise you."
"I will keep your words in mind," Severus promised.
Silence fell between them once more.
"Well," Dismas' lips curled up as he turned to the night sky. "Shall we find some more constellations? There were a few I meant to introduce you to that I never got around to pointing out."
"Why did you repent?"
Dismas returned his attention to Severus.
"Luke only mentions that you repented, but never explains why. What spurred you to repent if nobody around you did so?"
"I needed forgiveness."
Severus twisted his lower lips.
"When I was in custody, I understood how my victims felt when I was standing over them with a sword. As they nailed me to the cross, I understood the pain I'd inflicted. Being powerful and rich had led me nowhere, but if the person beside me could forgive his executioners, perhaps he could forgive me." Dismas shook his head. "I just wish Gestas hadn't run off his mouth. He would've accepted forgiveness if he could've kept his mouth shut as he was dying."
"Perhaps."
Silence fell between the spirits, the song having long since ended.
"If you ever need a friend in heaven, once I get there I mean," Severus began. "I would love to see you."
"I'll keep that in mind." Dismas smiled. "I'll extend the same offer to you as well."
Severus's expression and glow mirrored that of the saint's.
They had each gained a new best friend.