Chapter 3

FOUR POV

It's almost 3:00 p.m. and I am walking out to the jeep. I wonder to myself how Tris' first day went. I really like having a Study Hall at the end of the day, it's a shame that won't last past tomorrow. I glance over the list of alternative elective classes that fit with my schedule and try to guess which one Marcus will select. I am already in PolySci for my first elective - not by choice - so I really hope he picks something I can actually tolerate.

Normally I would be headed to the publishing room, but we won't have any newspaper meetings until after the activity fair that Shauna mentioned to Tris. We have to give everyone a chance to get their bearings and have an opportunity for students to show an interest in the various after school activities. I forgot to mention to Tris this morning that I am on the paper, and will have after school commitments a couple of days a week. I hope that won't be a problem for her.

I get to the jeep and start the engine and air conditioning to begin to cool it off. My phone dings with a text message:

Tris - Hey, I have to swing by my locker and I'll be out in a few. Sorry, I am running late.

Four - No worries, I just got out here myself. Take your time.

Tris - Thx

About ten minutes later she is tossing her bag in the back seat and sliding into the passenger seat smiling.

"Good day?" I ask smiling back at her a little. I am surprised to find I genuinely want to hear that she had a good day.

"Yes, actually. I am lucky that Uriah is SO friendly. He must have introduced me to every living soul in that building today. My head is still spinning. I will never remember all the names."

"I am sure you will do fine, ready to go home?"

"Yes. I am if you are…." she pauses and stares out the windshield for a moment.

"Tris? What is it?"

"Oh, it's nothing really. I don't want to be an inconvenience."

"What is it? Tell me, I am sure it's not any trouble."

"Would you mind making a quick stop on the way home today? Also, I didn't mention this morning that I want to go out for the yearbook, and the soccer team, so I will probably have to make other arrangements for afternoon rides."

I nod my head, "Sure, stopping is no trouble. Where do you need to go? As for the afternoon stuff, we can work that out. I am an editor on the paper so I will have my own after school commitments a few days a week. I also didn't think to mention them this morning."

"Perfect. Would you mind stopping at the craft store? I need to get a pack of colored pencils for my Anatomy class."

"No problem." There must have been a trace of a smirk on my face because she laughs and elaborates that the colored pencils are for the coloring book that is part of the curriculum in her Anatomy elective. Which makes sense, I guess. I don't think much more about it and just head toward the shopping center where I know there is a large art supply store.

I get out with Tris when she goes to get out of the car and she turns to say that I don't have to come with her. I shrug and say that I don't want to wait in the car as long as she doesn't mind me coming with her.

She says no and we walk up to the craft store together. I step through the door and I am immediately overwhelmed by memories I had thought long buried. So buried, I can't believe I didn't realize it when we parked: this was Mom's store. I haven't been here in years, not since before, obviously. It is too late now, I have to go inside or Tris will know that something is wrong. I can't have a panic attack right now, I can not meltdown in public. Someone will see, someone will tell Marcus. That is not an option. Absolutely not. I just clench my jaw and follow Tris through the store trying to concentrate on breathing and keeping my face neutral. I stare at her back, at the ends of her hair as a focal point.

At one point she turns down an aisle and changes her mind, she turns right back around and runs into my chest. I am following too closely and I catch her with both arms before she stumbles, "Carefull, Tris" I murmur.

She looks up at me and must have seen something in my face that I didn't hide as well as I thought. She puts her hands on both of my forearms, because I forgot to let go of her when it was appropriate to do so. She searches my face and whispers, "What's wrong Four? Are you ok?"

I let go of her, step back and nod my head swallowing so that I can hopefully speak and say, "Yes, I am ok. Let's find those colored pencils." I nod my head to try and reassure her. I can tell that I have not convinced her, but she agrees after giving me a long look. We find the colored pencils and she grabs a couple of other items then heads toward the cash registers at the front of the store. I look ahead and recognize the cashier, one of my mom's old friends and I have to get out of here, right now. "Tris, I'll go start the car so it has a chance to cool off, Ok? Take your time," I say as I make a hopefully not obvious retreat out of the store.

No such luck. Five minutes later, Tris gets back in the jeep and just looks at me. I am sitting with both hands on the steering wheel just staring into middle space and trying to breath in and out in a steady and slow rhythm. I can still see the little floating black dots in my vision, but they are fading now that I am in the car with the doors closed. She is still looking at me, I don't want to explain what just happened in the store, but I know that she noticed and I have to say something. I turn my head and meet her eyes. She doesn't say anything, just sits there with her eyebrows raised, silently asking me all the questions I have swirling in my head right now. I have to swallow first but manage, "My mom worked there." Damn, was that strangled voice mine, I wonder? I thought that I had my shit together, now she's going to have a hundred questions, instead of just letting it go.

"Ok. I can see that you are upset. I don't know why, and it is none of my business anyway, but if you want to talk about it, I am happy to listen." Tris says quietly, but keeps looking at me. Her eyes are a light grey blue and right now they feel like they can see through me to the other side.

"No" I clear my throat and start again, "no, thank you. I don't really want to talk about it. She's gone, and I wasn't thinking when I walked in there with you. I didn't think that it would affect me." I glance back at her now and can see she wants to ask me more, but has decided to honor my request. "Do you need to go anywhere else?" I try to change the subject to a more neutral topic as I continue to collect myself.

"No, this was all that I needed. Thank you for stopping for me, and for going in with me." she says quietly. I wonder what she is thinking right now, but I don't ask. I said I didn't want to talk and she has respected that. I'll just have to wonder, and I put the jeep in reverse and we head towards our neighborhood.

When we reach Tris' house, she doesn't get out of the car right away. I tense, thinking she is going to ask me questions I am still not ready to answer, but she doesn't. She takes a deep breath and thanks me for the ride, then turns to open the door. She pulls the handle, but before she pushes the door open she turns back to me and says, "I saw you at the lake the other day, running. Would you like to run with me sometime? I usually go around 5:00 p.m. when it is starting to cool off."

I let out a breath I had not realized I was holding in, and smile a little. I nod and say I'd like that and I will meet her here at 5:00 p.m. and we can walk the rest of the way together to the lake path. She smiles and then pushes the door open. Right before she closes the back door after grabbing her backpack, I turn my head and say, "Thank you, Tris. For not asking." She just nodded and said she would see me in a little while.