Friday: November 4, 2011 3:19 P.M

I smiled as I admired myself in the mirror. "Damn, all of this gets to be in Maxim."

Randy laughs. "It's going to be amazing."

"I'm just so bored at work."

"It is what it is. Go yell at John Laurinaitis next week or something."

"If you don't have a match on Monday, I might just stay at the hotel.".

"I wouldn't even blame you."

I apply my makeup. "It's a shame that I haven't been on TV lately. I've been looking pretty great."

Randy laughs. "I can take pictures, and you can post them."

I smile. "Thanks, babe."

"You look damn good though."

"Yeah, I'm pretty good looking."

"I'm so tired."

"I know, babe. We should go out and do something."

Randy looks at me. "Any ideas?"

I sit on the edge of the bed. "No, honestly."

"Let's try to think here."

I received a text. "Give me a second."

Randy kisses me. "Anything interesting?"

"Chris just sent me a picture. The babies were born."

Randy takes my phone from me. "They're cute little things. I want one."

"I'm trying my best."

"I know."

"I have a question, Randy."

"Sure, what's up?"

"Let's say I get pregnant. I know you're very big on having a son. What if the baby is a girl?"

Randy kisses my forehead. "If the baby is a girl, I wouldn't be disappointed. Yes, I want a son, but I'll take another daughter too. I just want some more kids. If it's a girl this time, I'll be okay with it. I'll love our children no matter what."

"Okay, I figured that. I was just curious."

He plays with my hair. "I'm just wanting to be able to be a father to more children. I want all of that with you. I want to expand our family."

"I want that too. Plus, we have way too much room here."

"You're telling me. Change clothes. I want to go on a hike."

"Oh. Okay."

"It's nice to get out some." I say as Randy and I are on our hike.

"This is really nice. We need to get out while we're home more." Randy comments.

"No kidding."

"Here it can just be you, me, and the outdoors."

"Yeah, until we start getting snow. It's already November. It'll happen sooner than later. When that happens, I'll stay indoors."

"You and me both. I hate snow. We should move to Florida or something."

"It's way too hot there. Plus, you know we'd never leave Missouri."

"You're not wrong. We'll never get out of here."

"That's okay though since we travel for work."

"You have a legitimate point there, sweetheart. Why did you ask me what if the baby is a girl earlier?"

"I don't really understand why I was so worried about things, but you obviously are wanting a boy. I just think it was a thing of me over worrying. I know that you would love our baby all the same. You wouldn't be that kind of person who would be mad if it wasn't the gender that you wanted."

Randy kissed my forehead. "Yeah, you worry about things a lot. I really would be happy either way though, Rissa. If the baby is a girl, I'll just have to find a way to have male relatives over, so I can have some males around and not be the only one."

"Or we have our friends stay with us again." I joked.

"No, absolutely not."

"Did you not enjoy it that much?"

Randy laughs. "They just left pretty much. They stayed longer than I wanted them too, and Chelle was the only one who would actually replace stuff that they used."

"Is that what your problem was?"

"We rarely had any privacy while they were there. Towards the end, Ted and Cody were fighting. Do I need to go on, Rissa?"

"I guess not. You're so moody about it, Randy."

"I like being able to walk around my own house in my boxers. I couldn't do that either."

"Is that what it's really about? That's why you wanted them to leave?"

"Partially."

"You could've said no when I had the idea."

"I was trying to be a nice person."

"Thanks, but you can stop trying."

Randy pulls me into a hug. "I love you so much, Marissa Lynn. So much. Never forget that."

I laid my head on his chest. "I love you too."

I sat on the bed. "Give me my reading glasses, baby."

Randy passes me my reading glasses. "Here, Rissa."

"Thanks." I put my reading glasses on. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Date: July 2, 1993

Dear Marissa, Happy eleventh birthday. I'm sorry.

A couple weeks ago, your younger brother Colby, who is now seven years old, asked me if he was ever going to have siblings. I'm not able to have any more children, so I told him no.

Obviously, I lied. He has siblings. He has you and Tyler. It pains me to have to lie to him because he wants siblings so much, but I don't think he's ready to find out about you and Tyler yet. I don't think I'm ready to tell him.

I'm hoping that maybe I can introduce him to your cousin Brittany without her realizing that he's your brother. She's only five years old and hasn't seen you much, so I think this may work.

I'm sorry it has to be this way though. My children should all know each other. I hope that changes in the future and maybe, one year, we can actually be together on your birthday again.

Love, Mom

I bite my lip as I set the letter down after reading it. I slowly take my reading glasses off as well. Randy looks at me with concern before pulling me into his arms.

I start crying. "I just don't understand some things."

Randy rubs my back. "I know, sweetheart. I know. I'm right here."

"I know it's been like seven years since I ended up seeing her after not seeing her for the majority of my life, but even after what I've read so far, I still feel like she could've reached out to me and Tyler a lot sooner."

Randy kisses my forehead. "I haven't read the one that you just did obviously, but I agree. Don't read anymore tonight. Let's just relax."

"Okay."