Saturday: November 12, 2011 11:27 A.M.

I was curled up in bed and watching TV. Randy had gotten out of bed at least three hours ago and hasn't come back. I figured at this point that he was trying to let me relax today.

I know it's been eight years, but it's all that has been on my mind today. Eight years ago today, the father who raised me, Richard Smith not Vince McMahon, got into a car accident and subsequently passed away at the hospital. It had been really rough on me and had been a major factor in me rethinking my life and eventually ending up in WWE.

I always thought about it on and around the time of the anniversary, but it had crossed my mind a lot more this year than it usually did.

It was making me reflect on what is going on inside my head lately. Was it on my mind more this year because I'm looking to become a parent myself or was it on my mind because of the letters from my mother that mentioned him at times?

I sighed and glanced over at the boxes that contained the letters from my mother.

Those are going to take me so long to get through.

I turned to look as the bedroom door opened. Randy walked in slowly with a plate of breakfast food and a glass of orange juice.

Randy set them down on the nightstand before getting my bed tray table out. He put the table on my lap before setting the plate and glass on my table.

I smiled at Randy as he looked at me.

"I know that there's a lot on your mind today and you don't care for my cooking," Randy says quietly. "But you haven't left bed this morning. It's past eleven thirty. You need to eat. I thought I'd make it easy for you."

I look at him. "No, Randy, I appreciate this. I won't bitch about your cooking today. I honestly need to let up on that some. You're not that bad. I've seen a lot worse."

"That's good to hear."

"What do you have planned today?"

Randy shrugs. "Just hanging out around here. Not much to do really. We cleaned and did laundry already for the week. Tyler did say that he would be stopping by later. Why?"

"Do you want to stay in here with me for awhile?"

Randy smiles before climbing into his side of the bed. "Gladly."

I start eating. "The food tastes really good."

"Thanks, I really tried."

"You did good."

"I'm flattered. Maybe I should practice more, and this bad cooking thing won't be a problem anymore."

"That might be worth a shot, babe."

"Yeah, that'd help you with your priorities. If I start doing some of the cooking, you can focus on some of your stuff for work in that office when it's finished up, and I take care of food."

"I like the sound of that. Thank you, Randy."

I was washing some dishes in the kitchen when our doorbell rang. "Babe, can you get that please?"

Randy stands up and walks towards the front door. "On it."

I hear Randy talking, and I'm pretty sure my brother is at the door. I finish up the dishes and head towards the front door.

Tyler sees me and pulls me into a hug. "Hey, how are you holding up today?"

I hug him back. "Alright, I guess. What about you? How are you holding up?"

"As best as I can try to be today."

"I'm going to give you two some time to talk alone." Randy says. "I'll be upstairs."

I nod. "Okay. Love you, Randy."

"I love you too, Rissa." Randy heads upstairs.

Tyler looks at me as we stop hugging. "He takes really good care of you. It's not that you aren't plenty capable of taking care of yourself, but he is good at being there to help you and to provide you with love and support when you need it."

I nod. "I understand what you mean. Randy is absolutely fantastic to me."

"Yeah, you know, I honestly never thought I'd like anyone you dated. I didn't like your high school boyfriends, your college boyfriend, or Chris, until he stopped being an asshole long after you two broke up. When I found out you and Randy were dating and not just in a storyline together, I was okay with it. I thought it was a little weird, but I was okay with it. I did know about Randy's feelings for you anyway, but due to the whole RKO situation, I didn't think he'd have a chance. I also thought that you had some small bit of feelings for Randy too before the RKO, but you didn't really notice yourself. I never thought it'd happen. I'm so glad it did though. I think your relationship has had a positive impact on both of you, and it's nice that the guy I'm going to deal with as my brother-in-law for the rest of my life is already one of my best friends."

"Not to mention that Dad really liked Randy when he was around."

"That too. Have you been thinking about it a lot lately?"

"Yeah, I have thought about it more than I normally do this year."

"Do you know why?"

"I think it's either because I'm planning to become a parent or because I'm reading those letters from Mom."

"You're still reading those letters from Mom?"

"Yeah, it's been kind of hard on me, so I'm not rushing. Plus, I got two boxes while you and Colby only have one."

"Fair enough."

"Have you ever been back to his grave?"

"Uh…yeah, I went back once. It was a few years ago. It was either 2008 or 2009. Why?"

"I haven't, and it's honestly continued to cross my mind lately."

"That's completely understandable, Rissa. Do you want to go today?"

"Do you want to?"

"If you feel the need to go see the grave, Rissa, I will go with you, and I think it would be the right thing to do to invite Randy to join us."

I nod. "Okay. I have to change clothes anyway. I'll talk to Randy. You can just sit and watch TV or something while I get ready. If you're hungry, we got food in the fridge. Just stay away from the extra steak, Randy will have a fit if you eat that."

Tyler laughs. "Okay. I'll see you in a few."

Tyler walked ahead of me and Randy as we were at the cemetery, looking for our father's grave.

Randy looks at me as he holds my hand. "I think you made a good decision to do this today."

I look up at him. "You really think so?"

"I do think so. It's been eight years, Rissa. I think doing this will do you some good."

"That's what I'm hoping for."

"I'm sure it'll be a good thing for you, babe."

"It's this one." Tyler says as he stands at a grave about ten feet ahead of me and Randy.

Randy and I catch up to Tyler. We all fall into a silence as we stare at the grave, which had some flowers on it.

"Should we have gotten flowers?" I whisper.

Tyler shrugs. "We're already here."

We go back to being silent for a while longer. Randy puts an arm around me.

"Do you think he'd be proud of us?" I ask.

"I don't know if he'd be proud of me." Tyler replies. "But he'd be proud of you. You still finished college. You got right into a secure career and have been successful in life."

"I think he'd be proud of you too. You've really stuck with your job in construction."

"Yeah, but your job is cooler."

I roll my eyes. "Whatever."

"He tried so hard to provide for the two of us as best as he could. It sucks that because of that he couldn't be around so much."

I nod. "Yeah, I wished that he could've been home more, but he made the best of his time with us."

"He did. We were everything to him."

"Yeah, everything."

"I'm gonna head back to the car."

"Oh. Okay."

Tyler heads back to the car.

Randy kisses my forehead. "I'm going to head back to the car too. Do you need a minute?"

I nod. "Yeah, just give me another minute or two, babe."

Randy smiles. "Take all the time you need."

Randy heads back to the car. I stand there in front of the grave alone.

"I love you, Dad." I whisper.

I sat next to Randy on our bed with my reading glasses. I was preparing to open the letter numbered eleven. I quietly opened the letter.

Date: July 2, 1994

Dear Marissa, Happy twelfth birthday. It feels absolutely crazy that you're already twelve years old. Time is flying by.

I know I've mentioned that I feel like I've missed so much of yours and Tyler's childhoods before. It's especially hitting me now that he's a teenager and you're going to be a teenager yourself next year.

I'm just going to finish with one day, I'm going to make this up to both of you.

Love, Mom

I put the letter back and sighed as I leaned onto Randy's shoulder. He wrapped his arm around me. He didn't say a word, and neither did I. We just sat together in silence.