Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Finn was about to lock the door of the coffeeshop after the last costumer had (finally) left when he saw a panicked Blaine suddenly rush towards him.
"Help!", Blaine exclaimed, wheezing as if he just ran a marathon.
"What the hell, dude?" Finn confusedly scratched his head.
"Kurt! He…I think he got into an accident!", Blaine yelled shrilly.
Finn's eyes widened in shock.
"Where is he?", Blaine asked him without waiting for his reaction. "Our connection broke off as if he just fainted.", he explained, trying to remember everything he had seen in the car.
"His boss sent him to that secluded place", Finn recalled, frowning when he retrieved his phone. "I can locate his phone; I once installed that tracker app to piss him off."
"What are you still waiting for?!", Blaine screeched, too agitated to even find that weird. "We need to find him, it's a matter of life and death!"
To him, it felt like an eternity when Finn scrolled through his apps, opened the tracker app and entered his password.
"I got it!", Finn exclaimed triumphantly, showing Blaine his display. "And what now?"
"I will call 911, you make sure you get to the place of the accident as soon as possible", Blaine ordered, retrieving his own phone. "As long as Kurt didn't come to, I can't reach him."
Finn's face fell when he saw the accident location on Google Maps. "That's too far away from here. I will pay a fortune if I take a cab. And where the hell do I get a car from?"
Blaine's stomach sank. Waiting until the ambulance arrived at that place was out of question.
At that moment, a car halted in front of the coffeeshop and none other than Harmony got out with big shades on her face even though it was almost midnight. "I think I forgot my powder at that place", she said once she had walked over to Finn (and Blaine.) "Can you unlock the door for me?"
Finn was about to retrieve his keys when Blaine suddenly cleared his throat. "Harmony, right?", he asked her, his words came out of Finn's mouth. "I will, but only under one condition…"
"Your stepbrother did what?", Harmony asked a couple of minutes later when she was driving to the accident place with Finn on the shotgun seat and Blaine on the backseat.
"Get into an accident", Finn explained quickly, his eyes glued to his phone. "Turn right."
When Harmony did, the tires of the car were squealing ear-piercingly because of the high speed. Besides, she just continued driving despite the red traffic lights.
"What? That's an emergency, right?", Harmony answered when she noticed Finn's questioning glance. "If someone's injured, it's okay to break a few rules."
A few rules?
"I don't care anyway, I would be in my room in Wisconsin, safe and sound in case you got into an accident", Blaine shrugged.
"Dude, she wasn't talking to you", Finn muttered annoyedly.
"What did you just say?", Harmony asked, concentrating on overtaking three cars at once.
"Nothing, nothing.", he answered quickly.
In record time, they arrived at the place Finn's phone had located, spotting the car that had crashed against the tree immediately, smoke came out of the engine hood.
"Kurt!", Blaine exclaimed, quickly getting out and rushing over to him.
"Oh dear lord!", Harmony shouted when she spotted the wreck.
"We need to get him out of there!" Finn got out of the car as well, Harmony followed suit. The car door was weirdly bent, and when Harmony had lifted a part of wood and was about to crash the window, Finn held her back. "Don't! It could cause a chain reaction. The tank could be damaged and can blow up everything around us."
"And what else shall we do?!", Blaine asked, terrified. "We can't let him in there."
Finn looked over to the window of the passenger seat that was already broken. "First, we turn off the engine", he reasoned. Carefully, he walked over to the other side, reaching out for the door latch and opening the door from inside.
Once he had turned off the engine, he kneeled down on the shotgun seat and touched Kurt on the shoulder. His head bled and was leaning against the steering wheel, but the airbag seemed to have cushioned the crash. "Kurt, wake up!", he said insistently.
"Is he still alive?", Harmony behind Finn asked anxiously.
"Check his pulse!", Blaine who was as pale as a sheet now, told Finn weakly. "Just take his wrist."
When Finn had done so, he looked over to Blaine and Harmony who had held their breaths in suspense. "He is still alive", he stated relievedly.
"Try to wake him up again!", Blaine almost yelled. "We need to know whether he is fine."
So Finn shook his shoulder again, this time with more force. "Kurt! Wake up!", he said, sounding more desperate with each word. "Come on, dude, wake up!"
"Don't call me dude…", they suddenly heard Kurt faintly before he slowly opened his eyes.
"Oh my gosh, you are alive!" Finn leaned forward to hug Kurt tightly who groaned quietly. "Finn, you are hurting me", he complained.
Blaine's eyes had widened as well. "Thank god", he sighed relievedly. Harmony was looking less pale now.
"What happened?", Kurt wanted to know, he had difficulties keeping his eyes open.
"You got into an accident", Finn explained. "Blaine called me for help, and we got to this place as fast as we could."
Harmony cocked her eyebrows. "And who's Blaine?"
Before Finn could think of a convincing lie, they heard the sirens of the ambulance come closer and closer. "Finally!", he sighed instead. "What the hell took them so long?"
Santana had no idea what to wear at a party where the majority of the guests were intellectuals, geniuses or at least university graduates.
Finally, she had decided on a pant suit her mom had given to her for her grandpa's funeral with white heels and cherry red lipstick, hoping that she looked more like a serious woman than a promiscuous stripper.
When she got out of the cab, she looked up the façade of Brittany's friend's mansion and gasped for air. It almost looked like a castle, the driveway was ample and a lot of expensive cars were already parking in front of it.
"There you are!" Brittany rushed over to her once she had spotted her date. She looked beautiful in her royal blue cocktail dress, holding a grey clutch in her hands. She leaned forwards, kissing Santana on both cheeks like a Frenchwoman, and Santana wondered whether all intelligent people were like that.
"That's so outdated", Quinn who had suddenly showed up said to her, rolling her eyes. She and Mercedes were standing next to the Latina now, facepalming.
"Yeah, just because we have a diploma, that doesn't mean that we are uptight", Mercedes agreed, fist bumping with the blond attorney.
Santana threw them killing glances before she turned to Brittany with a smile. "Shall we, Britt?"
Brittany nodded eagerly. "Off we go!"
With their hands intertwined, Santana and Brittany entered the mansion with Quinn and Mercedes in tow, they met a brunette and a blonde in the anteroom who were both holding champagne glasses in their hands.
"Brittany, great you made it!", the blonde spoke up, putting down her glass and giving Brittany a short hug, the brunette followed suit.
"Santana, these are Ashley and Josie", Brittany introduced them to each other.
Brittany's two other friends politely shook hands with the Latina. "Nice to finally meet you, Britts won't stop talking about you", Ashley, the brunette, said. "I double majored in neurobiology and statistics."
The only thing Santana knew about statistics was the weather chart the weather woman was always using in the news.
"That's meteorology, Einstein", Quinn who had obviously read her mind, corrected her, shaking her head and facepalming.
"I guess she will be lost without us" Mercedes amusedly checked her watch. "No problem, I don't have plans for today anyway."
Trying to ignore Quinn and Mercedes who were watching the interaction with Brittany's friends with interest, Santana turned to Josie, the blonde. "I am a Hydrologist", Josie told her, her eyes were literally sparkling with passion. "But I'm also into math so I majored in applied Mathematics as well."
Santana had no idea what hydrology even was.
"Hydro is the Greek word for water so it must be the scientific study of water cycles", Quinn reasoned.
Mercedes nodded in agreement.
So Santana cleared her throat, feigning interest. "That sounds…exciting", she said, playing with her dark hair.
"And what do you do?", Josie asked her.
Before Santana could answer, Brittany announced proudly: "She's a stripper."
Quinn and Mercedes facepalmed.
Ashley's and Josie's eyes widened in surprise. "That's…that's something else", Josie eventually spoke up.
"But San is super smart, smarter than you might think", Brittany added, grinning. "We talked about further mathematics for over an hour."
"You mean we talked about it", Mercedes corrected her with a perfidious smirk, and when Quinn threw her a confused glance, she answered with a shrug: "Long story…"
Josie and Ashley threw Brittany skeptical glances. "Really?"
"Just because I am a stripper, that doesn't mean I am as dumb as a sack of hammers!", Santana hissed with narrowed eyes.
"Is that so?", Ashley asked her in a challenging way.
Crap, now, she needed to think of something smart.
"How about a math pun?", Quinn, suggested, and Santana threw her a confused glance, wondering what she had in mind.
Mercedes excitedly clapped her hands. "Oh, that's a great idea. Impress them with a small quote without even losing your credibility."
Whether that was a good idea?
Before Santana could even answer them back, Quinn had already taken over. "Why shouldn't you let advanced math intimidate you?"
Brittany, Josie and Ashley exchanged confused glances.
"Because it's as easy as pi."
The mathematicians burst into laughter. "Oh, that was a good one!", Josie chuckled.
Santana who kind of had an out of body experience now that Quinn was her, threw Mercedes a confused glance. "Am I the only one who doesn't get it?"
Mercedes who also needed to smile, cocked her head to the side. "She was talking about pi", she tried to explain.
"Still don't get it", Santana shrugged.
"Forget it", Mercedes waved it off.
A couple of minutes later, Brittany, Josie, Ashley, Mercedes and Quinn in Santana's body seemed to have the time of their lives while Santana was just standing next to them, disinterested and feeling like the third wheel.
"Oh, that's another good one: A square root and minus one meet on the streets", Quinn just told them, taking another sip of her champagne. "Minus one asks the square root: 'Why can't we be together?' The square root answers: 'It's complex'"
The laughter of the quintet was almost ear piercing.
Quinn grabbed a napkin from one of the tables next to them and her lipstick from her purse, scribbling something:
√-1 8 ∑ π
"It was delicious", Quinn added.
This time, tears of laughter were running down the women's cheeks when they burst into laughter once again.
"What is that supposed to mean?", Santana whined. "Is this some random sign language I don't know?"
When they stopped laughing, Josie looked at the Latina (or rather at Quinn) in an impressed way. "I need to admit, I underestimated you, Santana."
"You are full of wit", Ashley agreed. "I guess you shouldn't judge a book by its cover."
"Thanks", Santana said with a grin, feeling how she slowly took over her own body again. "And if you need flirting advice, I'm the right woman as well, you know."
She was surprised when Ashley and Josie burst into laughter again.
"What is it?"
"Oh, don't you know?", Josie asked her in an amused way, looking over to Britt who had went unusually silent. "At MIT, Brittany was a notorious whore."
Mercedes and Quinn gasped for air because of the blonde's word choice.
"Yes, by now, she already humped every lecturer, student, academic employee and even the janitor", Ashley said matter-off-factly. "Even the president and the chancellor, and she is straight. It's safe to say that she banged her way across the entire institute."
Santana just gaped at her. "Britt…is that true?"
"I wanted you to like me, to think I am a respectable scientist", Brittany admitted sheepishly. "I wanted to prove you that I am not the stupid thirteen-year-old I used to be. I wanted you to take me serious."
For a while, Santana just looked at Brittany with an unreadable face expression, not saying anything. But then, she gripped the blonde's arm, turning to Josie and Ashley. "If you would excuse me, Brittany and I need to talk in private."
"Of course", Ashley said politely, exchanging knowing glances with her friend.
Santana dragged Brittany away from the duo, leading her to the bathroom, the only place that wasn't full of people.
After she had closed the door behind them, Brittany looked at her, kind of anxious. "Are you mad?"
"Britt, you were the one you already liked me even though I am not in your league.", Santana said with her arms crossed. "Why didn't you tell me about it?"
"Because I don't want to lose what we have", Brittany explained, looking down in a bashful way. "Back then, you have been an important part of my life, and it didn't change after all those years we have met again." She didn't dare to look into the Latina's eyes. "If you don't want to meet with me again, I can understand."
Santana pulled her closer by the waist with a smirk. "Well, well, who would have thought that something innocent as you are actually savage?" She lifted up the blonde's chin lovingly. "If anything, you have just gotten hotter, Britt." With that, she crashed her lips onto Britt's who seemed to be surprised by the turn of events.
The make out session got wilder and more passionate within seconds.
Kind of feeling out of place, Mercedes and Quinn covered their eyes when Brittany kneeled down and undid the buttons of Santana's pants.
"I guess we better should get lost now", Mercedes whispered to the blond attorney when it started getting more serious.
Quinn grimaced. "Yes, I am not in the mood for gay porn." She and Mercedes quickly turned away when they heard a moan. "Are you in the mood for Legally Blonde? We can watch it on my bed with some Ben and Jerry's."
Mercedes shrugged. "Yeah, why not? Way better than that" She vaguely pointed at Brittany and Santana, not keen on finding out where that moan just came from.
Thanks to my adorkable friend Marla who helped me with the math puns =D
Happy New Year, fellas!