A Hell of a Time

A sneeze. A god damned sneeze, on top of everything else. Two days ago, after the deal between the PRT and the Undersiders had been finalized, Coil had somehow escaped from custody. The PRT had been afraid of Coil coming after me again, for revenge, or going after the Undersiders since Tattletale-or Lisa had been the one who gave the PRT the tip-off about Coil's base. So, for the sake of everyone's combined safety, the Undersider's moved in. As did some girl who was apparently Grue-Brian's sister, though she kept vanishing on us. There were PRT Vans outside the house as added security-Piggot had said that they could have done more if we'd all joined the Wards but understood that it wasn't an option for complicated reasons. At least I was getting to miss school

"Tell me, again," I said, "why everyone decided to move into my house?"

"The same reason I was so insistent that we join up with you," Lisa replied with an exaggerated fox-like grin. It'd been on her face ever since she'd seen that picture of my Mom with that dragon. Apparently, the thought of one of her most out there predictions had her absolutely giddy. "Coil dropped literally everything-plans to get every Thinker and Tinker in the city either on his payroll or enslaved to his will, plans to bring high level villains into the city in such a way as to keep them under his thumb, plans to drive Lung and Kaiser out of the city, plans to discredit the Director of the PRT, just to get you to be under his thumb or dead." She sounded just a bit too cheery as she said that. "I don't know why, but if you're that bullshit then next to you is probably the safest place in the city."

I blinked. "Okay, that makes sense." I took a deep breath. "Since he apparently knows I'm a demon." Regent-Alec stared at me for a moment, just as he did every other time that came up. "So Coil escaped, Hookwolf is after you guys because he and Bitch have a disagreement about the acceptability of dog fighting as a sport, And Lung still wants to fight me... Anyone else who wants us dead?"

"Tyrant Overlord Baal might show up to harass you," Sicily interjected, "but I'm sure Big Brother will show up before then and be there to beat him up for you. It's kind of his hobby."

"Who makes it a hobby to beat up one specific awesomely named person?" Brian's sister-I'd have to learn her name at some point-asked after popping up from nowhere. "And why?"

"Big Brother says it's about showing the Universe who the boss is," Sicily answered, "But Etna and Lady Flonne think that it's because Tyrant Baal killed our Dad."

The young black girl nodded in understanding and faded back into the background.

"What I'm wondering," Lisa continued once the interruptions ceased, "really, is why things are going so smoothly for us, all things considered? You'd think there'd be at least one sticking point, one person in the PRT or Protectorate chain of command would be against us getting off scot-free or on giving you Coil's old lair, but everything went so smoothly... too smoothly, and too fast." She looked around, at her teammates... my teammates. "It's almost like some shadowy secret organization is conspiring to make things go in our favor."

"It's because Taylor's the main character," Sicily added helpfully. I'd have to ask what she meant later since I'm pretty sure I'm not the protagonist of a video game, web novel, fanfic, or any other work of fiction.

"Oh," Lisa said simply. "Oh. Oh god." She then fell to the floor and curled into the fetal position while repeating "Oh my god" at various tones and volumes. I'd probably have to look into that later.

I turned to Dad, who was just sitting in his chair and reading the paper. "How are you handling this insanity so well?"

"Taylor," He began, "I spent years married to Demon Royalty and longer dating her. Trust me, after everything your mother and I did this is more of a return to normalcy than insanity."

"Okay then."

Then there was a knock at the front door. I went over to it and opened it and found Oni Lee just standing there. My first thought was to wonder how exactly he managed to get past the PRT vans in full costume and mask. Then the man handed me an envelope, turned around, and dissolved into ash. I closed the door and locked it.

I felt the envelope, to make sure there was nothing but a letter in it, then opened it.

Akuma

We have unfinished business.

Meet at Somer's rock, Wednesday, at ten PM, to settle the score.

Lung.

PS: enclosed is a note for the otaku.

I took the second note, noting that it was written in Japanese characters, and handed it to Sicily.

"How rude!" she exclaimed after reading it.

"What does it say?"

"If I catch one sign of you any f-word where near my most serene highness or summer's rock while I'm talking to the demon girl, I'll f-word kill her, you, anyone else in the f-word bar, and burn the whole f-word city block to the f-word ground. PS. Considering the sullying of my native script to be my one and only indulgence for you that f-word..." She stopped reading for a second. "I can't make out the word but I think he was trying to say 'weeaboo.' and then he said seriously I'll F-word kill you."

I blinked. "Okay, you're not coming with me on Wednesday. Who wants to help me get to at least level fifty by Wednesday?"

"OH GOD!" Lisa screamed from her position on the floor. Then everybody but Sicily and I spaced out for a second.