A Hell of a Time
Regent looked at his hands shortly after he shot lightning from his fingers toward's Lung. "Since when can I do that?"
"Since we leveled up!" Lisa shouted. Then she jumped ten feet into the air and flipped just in time to dodge a runaway car that wasn't there a minute ago. The car crashed into Lung, knocked him on his ass, and peeled away into the aether. Lung swore.
Grue was hidden by a cloud darkness, and three of Bitch's dogs had come from absolutely nowhere already full sized and ready to attack, which they did. In unison. While Lung was still on the ground from the car. Ouch.
The rage dragon erupted from the dog pile, a giant, his face distorted and catlike and with the beginnings of wings forming at his back. This, this wasn't good. Sicily appeared next to me.
"Cousin!" She said while holding up a fist glowing with angelic energy. "Combo attack." I nodded and held up my own fist which began glowing and crackling with Cosmic Energy drawn straight from my heart. Lung glared at the two of us but just as our glowing fists reached their brightest we both charged him, faster than I thought I was capable of moving, and both punched him at once.
Lung exploded in a flash of white and light purple, then landed in a heap on the ground. "I think we should call that one Heavenly Punishment," Sicily declared out of the blue. It was a fitting name, so I nodded in agreement.
Not-Bonesaw was aiming her massive Gatling gun back and forth between me and the prone Lung. Suddenly, a bright red magic circle appeared around it and a storm of bullets and red energy arrows flew at me... Only for a line of Darkness to erupt from Grue's position, eat the hit, and vanish, leaving me unharmed.
"An attack negation?" The girl pretending to be a woman said, "no fair dood!" Seriously, I don't know how her voice modulator works but whatever it's doing makes whining sound really weird. "Oh well," she said, suddenly composed, "I bet you can't do it again!" Suddenly a rope descended from the sky-I looked up, there was literally nothing up their lowering it-and hitched itself to Prinnirider and lifted her high into the air. She did some kind of swinging routine that ended with her jumping off the rope, doing a flip, her fist catching fire, and her punching the ground, causing a fiery explosion that engulfed Sicily, Lung, and myself.
...and did not hurt the least bit. I checked Prinnirider's stat screen and-Holy shit!? She, class "Rider for Justice," titles "repentant soul," was only level one. And she was here trying to fight Lung? Lung killed children all the fuckling time and fought an Endbringer and she wasn't any stronger than I was on my first night as a cape fighting ordinary thugs. Regardless of how misguided Prinnirider was or whatever sins she may have committed to end up a Prinny, she was trying to do good now. I couldn't let her get hurt.
"...That was," Sicily said all of a sudden. She was... uh-oh.
"The blazing knuckle of Overlord Laharl!" Not-Bonesaw declared. "Modified with aspects of a few of Dark Hero Axel's skills dood. Thanks to a time dilation effect on the Netherworld, I was able to spend a year studying the powers and abilities of the greatest fighters of Celestia and the Netherworlds and combine them all within my cybernetic body, dood!" The girl sounded so proud of herself.
"I told you she was Bonesaw" Tattletale declared out of nowhere.
"For the last time! I'm not Bonesaw dood!"
"How dare you?" Sicily asked. "How dare you try and hurt me and my cousin with my Big Brother's technique?"
"Um..." The Masked hero charged Sicily with a fist drawn back. "Gordon Pu-" Sicily caught the physically older girl's fist barehanded. With her other hand, she summoned a postal service package just big enough for a human child a few feet away from us and effortlessly tossed the armored hero wannabe inside, the flaps closing as she landed.
Then, quickly but silently, Sicily picked the box up and threw it twenty or thirty feet away, where it was suddenly encased in a massive burst of ice, glistening spikes aimed up towards the sky. "Sicily, sto-" Before I could finish, a swirl of arctic wind had conjured a massive hammer of ice-easily ten or eleven times her size, at least-which she brought down, crushing the structure of ice and the box and child inside.
"Sicily... What have you done?"
"She was naughty and needed a spanking," the Demon Angel replied with the innocence of a child. I was about to protest that the child didn't need to die when Prinnirider suddenly fell out of the sky, landed ten feet from me with a thud. A flash of blue and the armored hero was replaced with a child, age ten or eleven, maybe twelve, in what looked like an elementary school uniform in white and blue and a prinny themed cap. Her hair was black in a pixie cut, and she was groaning in pain but otherwise seemed alright.
"What?" Sicily said, looking at me like I was crazy. "You didn't think I was going to kill her, did you?"
I turned from my cousin and the prone child-hero to find that my new teammates were still fighting Lung. Bitch had five more dogs for a total of eight and the flesh-tanks were, for lack of a better word, dog piling a massive four armed dragon. How the fuck has I not noticed that?
"▂▂▃▃▄▄▅▅▃▄▄▅▅!" roared the dragon, a sound so loud and monstrous that I dare not even try to describe it, as he shook the dogs from him. He turned to face my cousin, myself, and the downed Prinirider. He exploded in fire and launched a blast at the downed child.
I didn't even realize that I'd moved it was so fast. I just found myself between the blast of fire and the child. It burned, badly. It was the worst pain I'd ever experienced, but I was alive and so was Prinirider.
"You... saved me?" The child said weakly.
"I'm a Hero," I said. "It's what I do."
An alert flashed: Akuma gained the Title "Defender of Earth."
Grue did something with his darkness-Lung was engulfed in darkness and when it cleared, he was much smaller-just slightly larger than normal and covered in his metal scales. Whatever anti-power properties Grue's darkness had were really gonna come in handy.
Sicily flipped through her book and cast a healing spell on me that took the edge off my burns. With Lung so weakened, now would be the time to end this.
Time for my new move: I charged Lung and punched him so that he flied into the air. Then I jumped after him. Somehow, I was moving faster than he was and I managed to flip him in the air and set his neck on my shoulder. I grabbed the bastard's thighs, and then I started falling. Fast. I could feel G-forces affecting my body and then slammed into the ground ass first, pulling on Lung as I landed.
As hard as this was on my back, it would be harder on Lung's. And his neck. And his groin. I let him go and he landed on the ground with a thud.
"Was that..." He said, "was that the Kinnikubuster?"
"When I do it, it's called Akuma Buster."
"Fuck this, I'm out." And then Lung got up and walked away while mumbling "fucking weebs."
Five minutes later, I asked out loud: "Did we seriously just let him walk away?"
"Yes," I heard Lisa say, "yes we did." I stood up and looked around, everyone else seemed fine, miraculously enough-Bitch was suddenly in a pile of dogs-and then I heard a puff of smoke and the "bring-bring" of a bicycle. I turned and saw Prinnirider speeding off into the distance.
Then the PRT heroes who were supposed to be watching our backs showed up. "Where the fuck were you?" Assault of the Protectorate was on point and was about to answer when a thought occurred to me. "Oh, and Lung left his Lay-Z-Boy in the bar. Can I have it, or is that evidence?"