Saturday: January 7, 2012 7:45 PM

I had just finished packing my bags since I was leaving tomorrow to head to Texas for Monday's episode of Raw. I was getting ready to settle down for the night and was currently in the bathroom to use the mirror as I cleaned off the makeup from my face.

I still hadn't had the conversation with Randy. I promised Chelle that I would do it this week. I had to do it before we went to bed tonight because I wouldn't have much of a chance to do it tomorrow before leaving for Raw. I finished taking off my makeup and stood in front of the mirror, shaking. I was very anxious about talking to Randy about taking a break from trying to conceive because I was almost certain he wouldn't take it well.

I start brushing my teeth as I continue to dread the conversation that I was needing to have with Randy as soon as I exit this bathroom.

Randy knocks on the bathroom door. "You've been in there for a while, Rissa. Is everything alright?"

I finish brushing my teeth. "Yeah…everything's fine. Just give me like five more minutes, and I'll be out."

Randy seems hesitant to believe me. "Alright, Rissa. I'll be out here in the bedroom."

"Okay."

I sigh as I start to put everything I had been using back where it belonged. I could already tell that this conversation wasn't going to end well.

I finally exited the bathroom. "Hey."

"Hey," Randy replies. "Everything's packed. You did all your stuff in the bathroom. We're in what we both usually sleep in. We can go to bed now."

I sit down on the edge of the bed right next to Randy and grab his hand. "Um…actually there's something that I really need to talk to you about, Randy."

"Uh…okay?" Randy replies. "What's bothering you, sweetheart?"

"Well…obviously, I'm not pregnant."

"Yeah…unfortunately."

"Anyway, I know we've only been trying for a couple months, but it's been really hard on both of us. I was thinking that maybe…maybe we take a break from trying to conceive for a while. I was thinking until after WrestleMania, which is on your birthday, so it's only a few months. And…"

Randy gets up without a word. I can sense he's upset by what I just said. He opens the bedroom door and exits. I sigh as I hear the door to the balcony open and close, meaning he went to sit out there.

I feel tears at my eyes as I stand up. I grab one of the boxes of letters and head downstairs.

I had come into the basement to put away some Christmas decorations that we still had out since I had slowly been getting that done. I put the box of decorations I had brought down here in its correct place before sitting down in front of our safe. I pulled out my cell phone to call Chelle as I quietly cried.

Chelle: "Hello?"

Me: "Hey, hope I didn't wake you up or anything."

Chelle: "You didn't. I was still awake. Are you crying? You sound like you've been crying."

Me: "Um…yeah, I talked to Randy about wanting to take a break from trying to conceive."

Chelle: "What happened?"

Me: "I didn't even say everything I wanted to say before he walked out of our room and went to the balcony. He didn't say a word."

Chelle: "You knew he was probably going to get upset."

Me: "Yeah, but I wish he'd at least talk to me, so we could figure something out. I want to know how he feels about things."

Chelle: "Rissa, give Randy a few days to digest that is what you want and then talk to him. Are you going to be alright for the night?"

Me: "I should be fine. I'll be going to sleep soon."

Chelle: "Okay. I'm going to go now. Goodnight."

Me: "Goodnight, Chelle."

The call ends. I close my eyes for a few seconds before heading back upstairs to the first floor of the house.

I sat down on the couch and opened the letter numbered twelve to read to myself.

Date: July 2, 1995

Dear Marissa, Happy thirteenth birthday. Congratulations on officially becoming a teenager.

I'm sorry that I can't be there to give you advice about everything you'll go through during your teen years. I wish I could be there for that. I hope the best comes for you while you're dealing with being a teenager.

Love, Mom

I sigh as I put the letter down. That one honestly didn't really upset me, considering that I've had something already upset me tonight. I go ahead and decide to read another letter as I hear Randy walking around upstairs, which means he's back inside. I grab the letter numbered thirteen to read.

Date: July 2, 1996

Dear Marissa, Happy fourteenth birthday. I hope everything has been going well.

I've been out of your life for over a decade now. That seems absolutely crazy to me because it feels like it hasn't been that long, but it has been that long. You should be going into high school this year, assuming you've been doing well in school. I know high school is hard and stressful at times, but I believe you'll be just fine.

Love, Mom

I don't know if it's just because I'm upset over things with Randy now or what, but the letters are not really affecting me emotionally right now. I moved the letter numbered thirteen over with the other one before grabbing the letter numbered fourteen.

Date: July 2, 1997

Dear Marissa, Happy fifteenth birthday. I can't believe how old you're getting sometimes. It feels crazy.

You're growing up so fast, and while I haven't seen you in over a decade, I know that you have been turning into an intelligent young woman.

I have heard from your grandmother that you handled your first high school year quite well and have been excelling in both academics and athletics. I hear you're playing soccer and volleyball very well. I'm so proud of you. Keep it up.

Love, Mom

I smile to myself as I reflect on my athletics during high school. I had been very dedicated to both soccer and volleyball throughout high school and was considered one of the best players on both of those teams during those years. The soccer and volleyball teams both had won multiple championships while I was on them in high school. I smile before reading the letter numbered fifteen.

Date: July 2, 1998

Dear Marissa, Happy sixteenth birthday. It's crazy how quickly time flies.

I remember giving birth to you and holding you in my arms all the way back in 1982. It feels like it wasn't very long ago at all. You were the cutest little girl, and I hope to see that little girl again one day. The difference is she'll be a woman. I hope that day does come though because I would love to see you again. You'll always be my little girl.

Here's some advice from me, if you ever come across this letter. Do yourself a favor and make sure that when you have kids (if you have them at all), that you are there for them. I haven't been there for you and Tyler, and I'm disappointed in myself for that. I don't regret having you and Tyler though. Having children is the best thing that I could've ever done. Just do yourself a favor and make sure that the time is right and you're ready when you decide to have children.

Love, Mom

I put this letter back in its envelope before closing the box of letters and sighing. That one hit right in a personal spot for me right now. I turn on the TV to calm myself down before even attempting to go to sleep.

Sunday: January 8, 2012 6:25 AM

I woke up on the couch, very uncomfortable. I fell asleep on the couch by accident. I realize that there's a blanket covering me and a pillow under my head. Randy must've seen me asleep on the couch. I get up and head upstairs to get into our bedroom to change into regular clothes and to grab my luggage for when I leave in a little bit.

As I enter the bedroom, I immediately notice Randy isn't in bed. I then realize there isn't a sign of him being anywhere in the house. I find a note on top of my luggage.

Went to spend the day with my brother. I'll see you in a few days when you get home from working Raw and SmackDown this week.

- Randy

I sigh and take a picture of the note. I text the picture of the note to Chelle along with a message.

Me: I think he's pretty pissed at me.

I change into normal clothes before washing my face. I can't believe he would just straight up leave, so he wouldn't see me in the morning when I'm going to be gone for a few days.

I grab my luggage and take it downstairs before quickly running into the kitchen to eat a granola bar before I have to leave. I received a text.

Chelle: That's cold.

Me: No kidding.

I quickly grab a pen and a sticky note to write Randy a note.

Sorry about everything. See you in a few days when I get home. Love you.

- Rissa

I sigh as I try to figure out where to put the note to make sure Randy sees it. I decide to stick the note on the front of the fridge. I frown to myself before grabbing my things and leaving to head to Texas for Raw.