Tuesday: February 14, 2012 8:17 P.M.
Randy and I laid together on the couch, watching a movie. We usually would be filming SmackDown, but Randy is concussed. I didn't feel the need to go.
"This is nothing like what I had planned for Valentine's Day for us." Randy whispers. "But honestly, I'm really liking this."
"You should. It's nice and peaceful. I'm liking this a lot too." I reply.
"Good. Hope you like everything I got you."
"Of course I do. It's from you. That's enough for me to like everything."
"Good. I'm just glad we spent the whole day alone together."
"Me too. Are you feeling alright?"
"I feel fine for now."
"That's good news."
"Can I ask you something?" Randy asks as the movie ends.
"What is it?"
"Are you doing okay? I think you've been bottling things up again, Rissa. We both know that's not a good thing. You still haven't told me what Laurinaitis said to you yesterday. You've also been avoiding talking about how you've felt since the break in for the past month. I think we need to talk about it."
"And what if I start crying while we talk?"
"When have I ever had an issue with you crying? If you need to cry, then cry. I'll hold you close."
"Well…what do you want me to say about how I've felt since the break in?"
"Tell me as much as you feel like you should say."
I take a deep gulp. "Admittedly, I haven't been fully comfortable here at home since it happened. I can't ever feel fully at ease here because I keep thinking about it. I didn't even have a close encounter with the man who broke in, but I can't bring myself to feel fully safe here. I haven't even been home alone since it happened. I can't express how grateful I am for you staying with me while we're home, but it still doesn't make me feel completely safe. I know it probably won't happen again, but I'm still uncomfortable. It's on my mind so much that I haven't been able to fully focus on my match with Beth that's at Elimination Chamber. I could easily lose because of a lack of focus. I really want to find a way to get myself comfortable here again though."
Randy nodded. "I'll find a way to keep the house more secure. I'm just glad you opened up, Rissa. We have had this discussion before. Bottling things up doesn't do you any good. I'm always here to talk to you."
"I know. Thank you, Randy."
Randy gave me a sad look. "Absolutely. What about Laurinaitis? What did he say to you this time?"
"Well…um…John Laurinaitis told me that I'm never going to be the best at being a wrestler or having a backstage role. Then, he went on a rant about the only reason I have the backstage position is because Vince feels bad because he wasn't around during my childhood. Then, Laurinaitis told me that I'll never truly be a McMahon. He then said I don't have a place in the WWE. And then he told me that I…um…that I don't have a place in a family." I started crying.
Randy held me close to him. "Rissa, that's not true. You're fantastic at work and probably have a more certain future in WWE than John Laurinaitis has himself. As for the family stuff, we both know that's not true."
"But I don't have a lot of good family relationships. Vince may be my biological father, but that's barely changed my relationship with him from what it was before learning that. Stephanie and Shane have better relationships with him. How many members of my mom's side do I have good relationships with? Barely any. I don't really have a place in a family. Do I?"
"Yes, you do. Tyler and Colby both have great relationships with you. Granted it technically isn't biologically, Kenny is still your cousin." Randy kissed my forehead. "And you're my family. I'm in love with you. You're always going to be my family. I wouldn't have it any other way. You're lucky that I can't go kick his ass right now. He knows your past and is using it to get under your skin. You have a place in a family. He's wrong."
I shake my head. "Thank you. I needed to hear that. Sorry about being a baby about it though."
"You weren't being a baby about it. You needed to get that out of your system. Let's continue to enjoy our Valentine's Day."
"Alright."
I sat in bed before opening the letter numbered eighteen to read.
Date: July 2, 2001
Dear Marissa, Happy nineteenth birthday. I know I've said before that I've wanted to reach out to you, but I can't bring myself to do it.
In my heart, I know that I want to reach out to you and Tyler. However, I'm too scared to actually do so. You're both adults now, and I haven't seen either of you for sixteen years. I haven't no clue how either of you would react to me. I have a feeling that it may not be in a positive way.
I hope one day I can get over that fear and reunite with both of you. I would love to have all three of my babies together.
Until then, I have no idea what you're up to, but I hope things are going well.
Love, Mom
I put the letter down as Randy entered the bedroom.
He climbed into bed with me. "Are you alright?"
I nod. "Yeah, I just read a letter."
"I see. No crying?"
"No crying."
"Good. Now, listen, Rissa, everything is going to be alright. We're going to get the house more secure. You're going to do good in your match on Sunday, and John Laurinaitis is wrong. Alright?"
"Alright. I can agree with you."
"Fantastic. Goodnight, Rissa."
"Goodnight, Randy. Sleep well."