Teddy woke up early after less than an hour of sleep. She had tossed and turned all night, her choices nearly 20 years ago rushing back to her and haunting her dreams. Her party days where she drank way too much vodka and was up for anything. Her boyfriend at the time was regrettable, two years older than her but with no intention of ever growing up. Looking back now Teddy could see how controlling Steven had been of her, up until she got pregnant and he ran away. The day young Teddy had told Steven that she was pregnant he shouted at her, called her a slut and claimed her baby couldn't possibly be his. Steven left, walked out of their tiny apartment by the university, close enough that she could walk to her classes, he didn't want her to drive. She also thought of her tearful call to her mom, hundreds of miles away. Telling her mom that she had missed her period and the pregnancy test was positive, she knew the baby was Steven's but he refused to acknowledge it. Her mom listened while she cried and helped her make a plan, go see a doctor and look into her options. Teddy could only see two choices keep her baby and raise it on her own or give the little one up for adoption. Termination was never a choice in her mind. Teddy debated for weeks, each time she made up her mind that adoption would be the best for her child something happened to change her mind, sonograms and the grainy images of her little bear, first baby kicks or baby hiccups. Finally she met with the counselor at the adoption agency and began to read through profiles of couples that wanted to adopt her baby.

It was in that binder of profiles and letters buried way at the back that she found the photo of Leslie and Dan McKellar. Something about them made her feel calm, it was the first couple that she felt a connection two. They were Canadian, from the west coast near the Washington border, she had looked up Cloverdale in the Canadian atlas in the university library. She loved the fact that both were educators, they would be home and have time for her little bear. They loved the outdoors, the photos in their profile showed them fishing, skiing and hiking. The couple appeared to be full of life and loving. The reference letters in their profile were from family, friends, church pastors, fellow teachers and school principals. Teddy called the counselor back, she wanted to meet Leslie and Dan and her time was running out, her baby would be here in 8 weeks.

Teddy smiled thinking about one of her only two meetings with Leslie and Dan, six weeks before her due date. The couple put her at ease right away, they had been told that they would not have children of their own, and were eager to have a baby to love. They are warm and loving and beyond excited when Teddy met them in the little coffee shop. They chatted for several hours and she knew these were the people who would raise her little bear. She met them again seven weeks later, they had gone to Texas a week before Teddy's due date, and waited two weeks for the little bear to be ready. After nearly 20 hours of labour Teddy had 5 minutes with her perfect little girl. She held the baby tight to her chest and kissed the top of her little head. Before Leslie and Dan came in Teddy whispered to the little girl, "whatever happens and wherever you go I will always love you. You're my little bear and I will love you for the rest of my life."

She handed the baby to the parents she had chosen for her with one last kiss to the tiny head. Teddy's mom took her back to her little apartment and Teddy truly began the journey that would bring her to Seattle and lying alone in her cottage with the deer thinking of the possibilities and what could happen if she opened her heart to Annie, her little bear.

Teddy shook her head trying to snap out of her memories and the what if's bouncing around in her head. She grabbed her phone and texted Owen suggesting they grab a coffee after rounds. She would meet him in his office, once she managed to shake Christina, her very intense resident and Owen's girlfriend.

Teddy worked through her post-ops and pre-ops that morning, none of her surgeries were scheduled until that afternoon. She grabbed two cups of coffee and made her way to Owen's office after sending Christina to run tests on an 80 year old man who was in for a valve replacement.

She flopped down in the chair opposite Owen's desk, "Hunt, I don't know what I'm going to do. I never thought she would actually want to meet me. I didn't even think that she would email me or write to me."

"Teddy breath and calm down," Owen said, " this is a good thing. She obviously wants to get to know you."

"There's been a part of me that's been missing for years, this little hole that nothing could fill," Teddy said, " I think I've missed my daughter. What if she was my only chance to have a baby?"

Owen paused, "I think you should write her back."

Teddy asked, " but what do I say? It's not like a job application for the position of parent"

Owen smiled, " just reach out to her, tell her how you feel and answer her questions."

Teddy paused, " will you read it before I send it? And promise you won't tell Christina, I'm not sure I want to justify my choices to her and Grey."

Owen laughed, " no to the first part you can write it she's your baby. But I promise I won't tell Christina. You may want to though before your daughter shows up at the hospital."

Teddy mumbled, " she goes to UBC and I'm going to the conference there next month. Should I tell Annie that i'll be at her school in 6 weeks?"

Owen ran his hand through his hair as he thought, " that's pretty soon Teddy she only just emailed you. But you could tell her that you will be there and leave it up to her to decide what to do."

"She asked if we could meet over Skype, so I'm hoping she may be open to a cup of coffee between classes but you're right. I'll tell her I will be at that conference and see what she says," Teddy replied.

Just then both of their pagers went off calling them to the pit ending their conversation.

The rest of Teddy's day went as scheduled. She stopped to pick up some sushi on her way home and sat down at the table with her laptop. It was time to write to her little one.

Teddy wrote

Dear Annie,

I'm so glad to hear from you. Your email made me incredibly happy. Like you said it's hard to know what to write. Your parents were right when they said that I was very young and just getting started in medical school when you were born. Giving you to them was one of the hardest things I've chosen to do, but I made that choice because of my love for you. I could never have given you the life I wanted for you on my own. I have loved you from the moment I first knew you existed and I have wondered every day how you are. I used to look forward to getting your mom's letters and emails telling me how well you were doing and seeing the pictures she sent so I could watch you grow.

I'm sure you have thousands of questions for me. I have several for you as well. To answer your first question let's go with you calling me Teddy. I would love to Skype with you and chat. I should let you know that I'll be at UBC at the end of next month for a cardio thoracic surgery conference, I can't wait to see the campus you make it sound so gorgeous.

I've only just moved back to the States after spending six years overseas with the army as a field surgeon in Iraq and Afghanistan. I enlisted after 9/11 and spent the next five years patching up soldiers doing both cardio procedures and trauma surgeries. I'm currently the head of Cardiothoracic surgery at Seattle Grace Hospital, just a few hours from where you are. Before the army I was an attending surgeon in New York after having done my fellowship in Florida and residency in Washington DC. i was surprised to hear that you're interested in medicine as well, your mom said you were smart and driven but i didn't expect to hear medical school was in your future. If you have any questions about medical school or want to talk to someone who's been there, I'm always ready to listen.

Like you, I enjoy outdoor activities. I love to run and hike. I haven't spent much time fishing but did like camping when I was younger. I was a competitive soccer player and played for my college during premed, I also ran track. I don't know much about dancing but it sounds like you've done very well with it, the Olympic Ceremonies that's impressive Little Bear.

I have a few questions for you as well but I'll limit it to three today.

Are you happy and what makes you happy?

What is the one thing you want me to know about you?

What do you want me to call you?

I'm looking forward to hearing from you again soon my Little Bear.

Love,

Teddy

Teddy took a deep breath and pressed send. She hoped that her Little Bear would be as excited to read the email as she had been. Teddy had been dreading the conference at UBC spending 4 days with Christina in the close of quarters, now she was looking forward to it. She would explore the campus and hope to find her Little Bear.