Friday: June 8, 2012 4:15 P.M.

Chelle looks at me. "You seem in a pretty good mood today."

I shrug. "I have had a few days to just relax. I'm just trying to keep myself calm until the end of my therapy session over the phone later."

"Your what?" Ryse asks as she looks at me from across the room.

I sigh. "My therapy session."

"When did you start going to therapy?" Chelle asks.

"I've only been going for a few weeks. Don't tell anyone please. You two are the only ones who know."

"Randy doesn't know?"

I look away and shake my head. "He doesn't know."

"He's gonna end up finding out, Rissa. You're married."

"I know. I had intended on telling him. I just wanted to give it some time to figure out if I was going to stick with it or not. Then, he got suspended, and I haven't talked to him for nine days."

"You should tell him when you two start talking again."

"I know. I want to, but admittedly, I'm embarrassed a little about it."

"Why?"

"Because I'm going through so many issues on my own that I have to deal with to the point that I need help. I couldn't even tell you the last time I wasn't upset about something. Sometimes, it's work. When it isn't something to do with work, it's the letters from my mom. If it's not the letters, it's something between me and Randy."

"You shouldn't be embarrassed. You have a lot more to deal with than the average person. You started therapy to improve your situation."

"Will I get better though?"

"I'm sure you will. It may just take some time."

"I don't want to have to keep dealing with so many problems. I'm never gonna be ready to have children at this rate."

"I'm sure you'll have children though, and take it from this pregnant woman, you're never fully ready to have children. You just do what you can as you go along."

"I guess you're right. I'm going to head upstairs for a while. My therapist should be calling soon."

"Alright. We'll be down here."

"I might drink without you." Ryse comments.

I laugh. "Whatever."

I sit down on the bed and wait for my phone call from Dr. Sullivan. This was only my third therapy session, but I was already starting to get used to talking to her. My phone starts ringing, and I answer it.

Me: "Hello?"

Dr. Sullivan: "Hello, Marissa. Are you ready to start your session?"

Me: "I am."

Dr. Sullivan: "Okay, let's begin. How has the past week made you feel?"

Me: "Alright. I'm making things work at work."

Dr. Sullivan: "What about everything with your husband? Have you talked to him?"

Me: "Um…no, I haven't. I haven't even seen him since Sunday. I went to work on Monday and then went to Tampa. He's in Saint Louis still."

Dr. Sullivan: "I see. When do you intend on returning to Saint Louis?"

Me: "After I have work next week, I plan on heading back to Saint Louis."

Dr. Sullivan: "I see. Do you intend on speaking to your husband when you get back?"

Me: "Ya know, I'm not sure yet."

Dr. Sullivan: "You're not sure?"

Me: "Things between me and Randy are rough. I'll admit he tried to call the other day, and I ignored it. I don't think as of right now that I'm ready to talk to him over this issue."

Dr. Sullivan: "The only way you're going to get through this with him is if you talk to him."

Me: "I know, but I don't want to end up in a situation where we try to talk about it with it just blowing up in our faces."

Dr. Sullivan: "I understand that. You want my suggestion? Maybe write out how you want to start the conversation and go from there."

Me: "I'll figure something out. I still have five days until I see him again."

Dr. Sullivan: "Good, you do that. I'm going to go now.. I have another appointment coming up. I'll talk to you next week."

Me: "Okay. Thanks. Bye."

I end the phone call and put my head in my hands. This was stressing me out pretty badly. My phone starts to ring again. I check my phone to see that my brother Tyler is calling. I know Randy probably told him about our situation, so Tyler is probably trying to nose about it. I don't answer the call.

I walk back downstairs and see Chelle and Ryse. "Hey, guys. I'm done with therapy."

Chelle smiles. "How'd it go?"

"She is very persistent about me talking to Randy."

"Well, I can't argue with her there. I actually think the same thing."

I sigh as I sit down on the couch. "There's a part of me that wants to talk to him, but I'm worried it'll end in another argument. I don't want that. I want to be able to be civil. I still don't know why he got suspended. I'll probably be upset about whatever it is. It's just gonna stress me out. I may want to wait until after No Way Out."

"Can you talk about other things though? That way you're at least talking."

I shrug. "I don't know. These flowers are pretty. Did John send them?"

Chelle grins. "Yeah, he did, but you got some too."

"I did?"

Ryse brings in a bouquet of flowers. "These one are yours."

I look at the flowers. "These roses in it were our wedding flowers. I went way out of my way to get these for the wedding. He must've put in some effort to find these."

"Are you considering talking to Randy now?"

"I think that's something he and I will have to do in person." I found a card in the flowers. "Let me read this."

Rissa, I know I screwed up. I deserve all the anger you have towards me. I know it must've hurt you to find out through someone that wasn't me. Whenever you are ready to talk, I'm here to talk with you. Hope you're having a good time with Michelle and Maryse. See you when you get home.

Love you, Randy

I put the card down as I have tears in my eyes. "I can't keep having a disagreement with him."

Ryse comes over and hugs me. "It'll be alright."

"I hope so."