The last week of February Annie drove down to Seattle as usual she was staying with Teddy and Henry but this time she wasn't spending most of her time on the surgical floor. She had three interviews this week for medical school, Teddy told her it was a good thing to be called for an interview but Annie was beyond nervous. Pulling into the driveway she let herself into her second home.

"Mama," Annie called.

"In the kitchen," Teddy replied, "you made good time."

"There was no one at the border," Annie replied.

"Ready for your interviews this week," Teddy a sked.

"Can we practice one more time," Annie asked.

"You will after dinner with Owen," Teddy replied.

Annie smiled, "he'd do that?"

"Of course," Teddy grinned.

"Mama, can I talk to you about something," Annie asked.

Teddy took a seat at the island, "what's up? This sounds serious."

Annie bit her lip, "it kind of is."

"Annie you're scaring me," Teddy said, "what's going on? Did you sleep with Kevin and he got you pregnant? What about our plan? We didn't even apply to any west coast schools. I'm going to kill that boy and I liked him at the competition."

"Mama," Annie cut Teddy off, "it has to do with Jessie and the incident in the summer. I haven't slept with Kevin yet."

"We'll get back to that yet," Teddy said, "what about the incident and your sister?"

"I don't know if I can forgive her and I know I should but it's really hard," Annie cried, "it keeps me up at night and it puts my stomach all in knots so I can't eat. I can't focus on my classes and it's all wrong. I'm still mad at her for what happened but I know I should forgive her and move on."

Teddy took Annie's hand, "that's really been bothering you."

Annie continued, "I don't know how to move on. Some days I hate her and never want to see her again but she's still my sister and I love her. Just because she tried to kill me doesn't mean she's not family and I don't care about her."

"What has your mom said," Teddy asked.

"I can't talk to her like I talk to you," Annie replied.

"What do you want to do," asked Teddy.

"I need to go back to the counselor but I ran out of sessions for this school year, UBC won't let me have anymore without a referral from my doctor," Annie said.

"We can do that," Teddy said, "I'll call your doctor and get her to send the referral or we can ask Anne to do it."

"I don't want Dr Milner to know I'm crazy," Annie said.

"She knows there's something going on with you," Teddy said , "she called me last week worried about you ."

"I want to stop feeling like this," Annie sobbed, "I hate it and it's all my fault because I can't forgive Jessie."

Henry walked into the kitchen and Teddy glared at him. She shook her head and he left the room. Teddy heard the bedroom door softly close.

"It's okay to be mad at her," Teddy said.

Annie continued to sob, "it's not because I'm the one that failed. I wasn't a good enough sister. I failed her. I didn't love her enough. I can't love her how she needs me to and it makes me the worst sister in the world."

Teddy tried to sooth Annie, "your okay, breath. What happened that night is done your body has healed. I know there's a lot going on in your brain and it's been happening for a while hasn't it."

Annie nodded, "it's been bugging me since my birthday when they sent her to that program. She calls it jail and says it was the worst time of her life. She blames me for her having to go. Said that if I hadn't called you mom and dad would have left me to rot in the hospital and she would have been able to go home. She says it's all my fault that she can't be nice to me that I make her do what she does and I deserve it."

Teddy looked at Annie sternly, "no one ever deserves the type of abuse you got from her. You easily could have bled out if your cousins didn't call 911. You did not deserve that Annie. It is your choice if you want to forgive her. But you do that for you not for Jessica or your mom or for me. That's for your own piece of mind."

"I can't keep feeling like this," Annie whimpered.

Teddy cried with her, "I know sweetheart and you've been hurting for months. I saw it before Christmas and didn't know how to bring it up. I'm sorry I should have asked sooner."

"I wasn't ready to talk about it until now," Annie said, "but I need help. I can't eat or sleep. It's making me crazy."

"Let's see if we can get into Dr Wyatt this week to take the edge off," Teddy suggested.

"I'm not taking any medications," Annie said.

"I'm not asking you to even think about it," Teddy promised , "go talk with Dr Wyatt. "

"But I'm only here this week and have the three interviews," Annie said.

"She'll be happy to schedule around your interviews. Two are using the conference rooms at SGMW anyway," Teddy said.

"What if I fail my interviews like I did with Jessica," Annie asked.

"You haven't failed with your sister. You both have some learning and growing to do," Teddy said, "you have to keep putting the work in."

"I just want to feel good about myself again," Annie said.

Teddy smiled, "you will. We'll help you get there."

Henry came back, "where are we helping her go?"

Teddy replied, "medical school. But first we need some confidence."

"I need a new sister," Annie said , "or at least one that doesn't hate me."

"Jessica doesn't hate you," Henry said.

"She tried to kill me," Annie replied, "and I need to forgive her but I can't."

"Why do you have to do it now," asked Henry.

"Because it keeps me up all night and I can't eat," Annie replied.

Teddy asked, "feeling any better now that you've said it?"

"A little," Annie agreed, "I'm also afraid to start eating like normal again."

Teddy looked concerned, "why don't you want to eat?"

"I don't want to get fat," Annie said.

"The way you exercise you won't," Teddy said.

"But Kevin likes me this way," Annie said, "what if he doesn't think I'm pretty."

"Then he's a jerk," Henry said , "and I'll take a baseball bat to his knees."

Annie laughed. Teddy glared at Henry who retreated back out of the kitchen.

Teddy asked, "why do you think he wouldn't find you attractive if you were eating?"

"I don't know," Annie said, "he seems to like me this way and tells me how pretty I am."

Teddy asked, "do you feel safe and loved with him?"

Annie smiled, "I do. But I don't want to get fat and mess that up."

Teddy shook her head, "that won't happen miss Annie. But your clothes are hanging off you."

"I haven't lost any more weight since Christmas," Annie said, "I want to eat but the knot in my stomach and the fear of getting fat makes it hard. I know it's my brain messing with me but I don't know how to turn it off."

"Do you want my help," asked Teddy.

"Please," Annie asked, "but don't tell mom."

"I think you need to tell her what you told me, you could leave out the Kevin part if you wanted though," Teddy said.

"You brought him up with your rambling," Annie pointed out.

"Maybe I did," Teddy admitted, "but I was your age when I called my mom and asked if I could talk to her about something. Then told her I was pregnant. My mind went to a weird place."

"You'd be my first call if that happened," Annie said.

"I don't want that call from you until you're married," Teddy said.

"Need to keep a boyfriend longer than 4 months first," Annie replied.

Teddy smiled, "that would be a good step. Not long after you were born I had trouble getting myself to eat as well."

"Really," Annie asked.

"Really," Teddy confirmed, "you're more like me then you know. I don't feel like eating if I'm upset or stressed but it goes away when I calm down. That doesn't worry me as much as you being afraid of getting fat or how long you've been worrying about forgiving Jessica."

"Our new dance team teacher Mrs G told the whole team we needed to work on fitness after Christmas that most of us weren't in top shape," Annie said.

"Did you go talk to her," Teddy asked.

"No," Annie admitted , "I cut my food and started running before class in the morning."

"Running would be okay without the other part," Teddy said, "your going to make yourself sick"

"What if that's what I deserve," Annie asked.

"We're not talking like that," Teddy said.

"But it's true, if I had worked harder Mrs G wouldn't have said I needed to lose weight," Annie said.

"Fitness and weight are not the same thing," Teddy said, "I see it all the time you can be very thin without being fit. Fit is how your heart and your muscles work together. I can easily test your fitness and we can prove to Mrs G that medically you're fit."

"When does the team end for the year," Henry asked.

"mid April ," Annie answered.

"Then Teddy instead of trying to attack the dance teacher and prove her wrong we just get through the next 7 weeks. It won't change anything Annie graduates this semester. Focus on what you can do," Henry said, "is this a new coach?"

"She started in September and has been really hard on me all year," Annie replied , "because I came back late and needed a few weeks to get back to where my stamina was."

"You had a major trauma of course you needed recovery time," Teddy said , "we got you up and moving way sooner than most patients."

"It wasn't good enough," Annie said.

"This is why I hate coaches sometimes," Teddy ranted, "they have no clue what they're asking their students to do. No idea about the demands they put on your body without knowing the whole picture. They just don't get it and asking dancers to perform at that level on little food is a recipe for disaster. Do this long enough your body destroys your muscles it will start to eat away at your heart eventually weaking the walls forever."

"Mama," Annie said, "don't you think you're being a little extreme?"

Teddy countered , "I'm not. I've seen it too many times. Healthy young women destroy their bodies forever in a quest to be thin. Annie if you keep going down this road that could be you."

"I want to eat, I miss food but I'm scared of getting fat," Annie said.

"What's wrong with being fat," asked Teddy.

"It's not attractive and not healthy," Annie replied.

Teddy pressed , "right now are you healthy? Do you have all of the energy you need to get through your day? Can you fight off a cold or flu? Do you feel good about yourself?"

"No," Annie whispered looking at the floor.

"Which part Annie," Teddy asked.

"All of it," Annie admitted.

"You getting strep throat was probably from kissing Kevin when he was sick," Teddy said, "and that always gets antibiotics no matter who gets it. Not worrying about that."

"I thought being tired was just my hashimotos being messed up again," Annie said.

Teddy nodded, "it could be. And that adds stress for you."

"I hate it and wish it would go away," Annie said.

"I know," Teddy agreed, "but your medications are working."

"I don't want to take medication to feel human. I just want to be normal," Annie said.

"That's not a choice," Teddy said, "you'll be in the hospital if you don't take it. You've had it under control for so long."

"I take it but I don't like to," Annie said.

"You have to," Teddy said, "and you need to eat. It's easy for you to get away with not eating at school."

"No one notices if I don't eat breakfast or lunch," Annie said.

"Your friends notice if you don't eat dinner," Teddy asked.

"Only because we take turns cooking and eat together," Annie said.

"Am I to take it your only eating dinner," Teddy asked.

"Most days," Annie said.

"This week I want you to try a bit of breakfast and lunch," Teddy suggested.

"Can we make sure it's healthy," Annie asked.

"Do I ever cook things that aren't healthy," Teddy asked.

"No," Annie agreed.

"Healthy means the nutrients in the food not portion size," Teddy said, "I'm not going to force you to eat a certain amount but I want to see you eat three meals."

"I can try," Annie said.

"Good," Teddy smiled, "next time you get all up in your head like this please tell me sooner. I know it's hard to talk about things like that or what you've been through. There's things I've seen and injuries I've fixed. There is only one person I can talk to but it hurts him to talk about it so I don't. Annie don't be like me, you're too young to hold all of this pain in. Please keep talking to me or your friends or your mom. If you don't want to talk to them see a counselor but don't hold it in."

"I'll try," Annie promised.

"That's all I can ask," Teddy replied. She gave Annie a hug.

Annie finally relaxed a little bit. She had told someone the secrets that had been eating her alive.

"Mama did I disappoint you," Annie asked anxiously.

Teddy smiled, "not at all. I'm proud of you for coming to me. That wasn't easy to tell me."

"I was scared to," Annie said.

"I promise little bear that I will always be on your side even when I don't agree with you. I'm on your side," Teddy promised.

"Really," Annie asked.

"Always," Teddy promised.

"Should we figure out dinner," Henry asked, returning to the kitchen.

"Sushi," Annie asked.

Teddy nodded, "we can do that. Wash the tears off your face and fix your makeup so we can go."

Annie took her bag into her room and took out her makeup bag. In the bathroom she braced herself against the counter and took a few deep breaths. She would be okay. Teddy wasn't mad Annie could get the help she needed. The knot in her stomach had relaxed slightly tonight she would try to eat and enjoy it."