The world stood still.
The bodies, figures.
They were chasing her.
Time stood still.
Chased.
Buried.
Bruised.
She was a bad person, right?
That's not how it worked surely?
She caused this, she knew that.
There was no taking that back.
What's done is done. Somehow the future looked unexpectedly bleak.
The words of commitment tumbled out of her mouth.
She found herself agreeing.
Once again.
Soon enough.
Carla Barlow.
"Ha" she snorted with a sound of indignance laced with hope.
"Marry me" she heard his whispers in her head, the echo prominent.
A hundred thoughts.
Will they?
Won't they?"
Love…
Or hate?
Impossible to get you off my mind she emphasised
"I will never leave you" she whispers hoping the words would sit with him.
Stillness.
Another sin.
Sins? Or desire?
Neither
She knew that
Love, it was love
Definition: an intense feeling of deep affection.
Yes, that
Somehow that sat with her well, likewise with him.
"Will you marry me?"
Wow...she breathed.
"Yes"
"We're doing this?"
"We are"
Before the worse, she knew that.
The worse being death.
All good things came to an end, right?
She hoped this was different
Would it be different?.
She didn't know.
Neither did he?
"How did we get here?" she says quietly looking down at his body lying in the crisp hospital sheets
"I don't know"
Neither did she
Sometimes life had its times where it threw up everlasting pain but that pain was fixable by admitting feelings, this was different. They both knew that.
And I will fix you.
She would to him.
He would to her.
The demons.
Would always be there, no stopping them.
Demons in the form of alcoholism, instability. Stung, hard.
I still want you, I still need you.
They needed each other no matter how much they tried to resist each other.
Come back to me "Peter" she whispers wanting to say the words prior
The waiting game
Tick
Tock
Goes the clock
Rolls eyes
Stillness…
Life
Death
One or the other
Nothing.
Her knees buckled to the floor
Was there anything you could do? Words felt empty.
"We did all we could for your husband"
There was nothing left
Everyday
Every grief
Every life
Ending in nothing, her life ending in nothing so she thought.
That's when she saw it.
This was not happening now.
No way.
"Carla?"
"Uh" she falters glancing down to her hands and looking up at her stepmother who was only a few years older than herself
"So?"
That's the future then.
What the world had planned for her, sick and twisted.
Did he really want this for her?
Maybe so and she would have to deal with this. The last part of him left in this world in the form of her. Irony.
"Ha" she snorted with ignorance and deceit
When life gives you lemons?
What do you do?
Make lemonade.
Ha, yeah she laughs to herself Now of all times, thanks for that babe, thanks
How was she supposed to cope?
She wasn't, she knew that, right?
"What are you going to do?"
Her words echoed in her heads
"The world wanted this for me so I'm going to do it, for Peter" she confirmed with utter trepidation
She questioned whether this was the right thing to do.
The world wanted this for her so it was the right thing.
Stepping onto the scales she smiled slightly at the figure in front of her. It was happening.
Everyday.
That bit bigger.
That image displayed in that old black and white form. A reminder of once before.
"Is everything ok?"
She asks, she needed to know. Not just for her but for Peter.
"Yes"
Relief
"I need to know-"
"Carla"
"What?"
"Everything's perfect you have no need to worry"
"Ok" she breathes out, somehow it doesn't seem real right now.
Weeks, months even.
That little bit bigger
"Close now eh?"
"Hm," she nods more engrossed in the latest version of Vogue the irony slotting in just as it did "What does one say about the future?"
"That it's worth living?" Jenny queries standing by the door, Carla chuckles "It'll get easier, kid, with time"
"You're four years older than me" Carla shoots back "But thank you"
"For?"
"Being there…"
An unlikely friendship she mused.
A good one at that.
Another thing that was worth it.
"I never asked you how it was like to be Carla Barlow"
"Magical" Carla responds mysteriously with a cheeky grin "So magical…"
"Someone you love eh?"
"Except...loved" she sighs glancing at the golden band on her finger.
Hope.
Love.
Commitment.
Hope wasn't really it right now. It never was.
"Do you miss him?" Jenny asks glancing at her step-daughter.
"Everyday"
It was true, every day that went on it got easier even though it meant that the only thing left was memories.
Good times, the bad.
It made her future in a weird way.
Glancing to the fruit bowl on the side seeing the banana to be precise she chuckled slightly tilting her head back and praying.
She wasn't religious but somehow it felt as if she was close to him if she did that.
"What are you thinking about then?" Johnny questions, Carla offers a small smile
"The future" she responds vaguely with a smile "I have to don't I?"
"You do, four months or so to go"
Long and hard
Well hard was an understatement, the challenge, the sweat and tears, worth it.
Right?
She wished Peter was there with her
Every step of the way
Somehow obsolete now, inexplicable.
It's so sad to think about the good times.
Because it is.
Simply.
The good times, few and far between.
Dressed like a daydream
And then there were two, well, three.
Hurt.
More hurt.
Even more hurt.
Pain.
And more Pain.
Releasing what she waited for.
Stay.
And they did.
You can hear it in the silence
Cries echoed around the room
"Never say never" she mused out loud as she holds the clammy body in her arms
We'll take this way too far.
Not far enough.
"Sometimes in our lives we share the pain of the people who are no longer here don't we?"
"How do you mean?"
"Peter's pain" she comments, glancing down to the slumbering body on her chest "Somehow things make sense in a weird way"
"Really?" Johnny questions putting an arm around her shoulders
"We'll be at peace now i know it" she glances down to the child in her arms, her and Peter's child Or it'll go down in flames
She thought…