Christmas is officially over and so are the New Years festivities. Callie and I spent most of the days after Christmas together and it was so good to know that I didn't have to leave after two or three nights. And now, after only five nights at home – alone in my bed with my nightmares to keep me awake – I am back in Miami, sitting in the car next to my girlfriendand I have no clue where we are going. "Calliope, why won't you tell me?", I ask again. It's only the fifth or sixth time you asked, Arizona.
She leans in and her lips slightly grace my cheek and finally my ear. "It's a surprise, and you'll see soon enough. We're not that far away anymore." Her voice is a deep, sexy whisper that causes my body to react with goosebumps. The brunette closes what little distance is left between our lips and draws me into a slow, languid kiss.
I cannot say that I am a big fan of surprises. It's not that I hate them, but I do not like being kept in the dark either. But you trust Callie. She wouldn't do anything harmful to me. And George is here too, of course, he's driving the car. So, it won't be anything embarrassing either. "How far?", I ask after another five minutes.
Instead of answering, she counters with a question of her own. "Did you find a therapist and make an appointment?"
Callie has been very adamant about me seeing someone. And she is right, I do need to talk to someone knowing how to professionally deal with PTSD. When I am not with my girlfriend, I don't feel safe and that results in me functioning on the base of two to three hours of sleep. But the ones provided by Harvard have appointments up to their necks every day. And since I officially dropped out – at least you're a free woman, A – I don't feel I have the right to make an appointment with one of them anyway. So I have been browsing the internet and made some calls, but so far, now luck.
"We're here", the man behind the steering wheel announces, leaving me no time to reply to Callie. As always, George has a big smile on his face, knowing he saved me. Drivers always know way too much.
Callie pulls her sunglasses down onto her nose before George opens the door on her side. "Get out and fight out", she teases and exits the car.
Catching myself staring at her magnificent behind for a second too long, I shake my head and follow her order. It takes me a moment to get used to the bright sun mirroring in the big shopping window. Shopping day? "Callie, no, we said that-" Her finger is presses against my lips and I don't get the chance to finish my sentence.
"You make me really happy by coming to the benefit gala with me", she insists, "the least I can do is take care of the perfect outfit. I promise you, there is no better place in Miami's than Antonio's. He is discrete, he's one of my friends and most important, he is the best when it comes to dressing a woman for a special event." Her hand reaches for mine, accompanied with a soft squeeze. "Shall we?"
I guess there is no argument I can come up with on a short notice that would make Callie rethink her plan, so I give her a full dimpled smile in response and decide to just go with it. We make our way inside and I have to control my muscles to prevent my jaw from dropping to the floor. This boutique is much bigger than it appears from the outside. It reaches very far into the back, dresses beyond mesmerizing are displayed on mannequins. A quiet gasp slipped out, "Wow."
"Well, if that isn't Callie Torres with the woman that puts a gorgeous smile on her face. It's good to see you. How have you been? Tell me everything the press hasn't already spilled." Upon greeting my girlfriend, he pulls her into a hug and kisses both of her cheeks. Hey, mine! "And you must be Arizona, come here, darling."
Yes, I am officially hugged and approved with kisses to my cheeks as well. I'm not sure what to think about him. His kindness appears to be honest and true, unless he is a really good actor. Stop over-analyzing everything, A. Callie said she trusts him and that he's the best.
"Antonio, you're quite the charmer, as always", the brunette laughs and then tells the guy a little bit of how we met. Not the juicy details, obviously, but a little more than what she told on other interviews. "Today we're not here for me, though. You know I bought my dress for the gala weeks ago. Arizona needs a dress, too."
"Of course", he nods and looks at me, eyeing me up and down until a smile spreads out on his face. "I believe I have just what you are looking for. Have a seat and give me a moment, I'll be back in a few." And with that, he hurries away.
My eyes find Callie's warm brown orbs and I am pretty certain she can see the insecurity in mine. I feel out of my league here – like, a lot – and it makes me uncomfortable. Shopping is not really one of my favorite pass times in general. I go shopping when I need new pants or shirts or whatever. And then I know exactly what I am looking for. Right now, I have no clue what is suitable for an event like this.
"Don't worry. Antonio knows exactly what he's doing. And your opinion matters the most. If you don't like what he shows you, we can still look around or go somewhere else. And-"
"I wasn't sure which color is preferred, so I brought a variety of the classic black, the blue to compliment the color of your eyes and a few red dresses to spice it up a little." Interrupted by the man's voice as he comes back, we both look up and my eyes widen. He brought a whole clothes rail full of dresses. "I also have a couple of matching shoes, I believe size eight is correct?"
Damn, he is good. Realizing that he expects an answer, I nod my head. "Eight is perfect." I don't want to know how much those shoes cost, let alone the dresses. It's not a question of money for the Latina, I know that, but I am not sure how to feel about it.
"Don't worry about the money, Arizona," Callie assures, reading my mind. "We have talked about it more than once. I know you are not with me for the money and you know that I am not trying to buy your love. This is just me being generous and selfish at the same time. You look amazing in jeans and converse, but that is just not appropriate for a benefit gala."
"I agree", Antonio chimes in. "And we should get started, so if you would just close the curtain and strip while I prepare the first dress for a fitting, we will be able to actually find a proper evening gown."
Callie laughs out loud and once I get over my stupid dumbness, I get into the fitting room and close the curtain behind me. Inhaling deeply and exhaling just as much, I disrobe piece after piece. I am not insecure about my body, not even ashamed of the scars on my thigh, but saying that I don't mind being half-naked in front of a stranger would be a lie. "Okay, I'm ready." As ready as you can be, A. Feeling a little uneasy, I cover some parts of my body with my arms and hands until I see that Antonio doesn't even look at me. He comes in through a little gap he created at the side of the curtain and has a one of the black dresses draped over his arms.
"Okay, darling, this one is a little tricky. It's inspired by wedding dresses and that means, you don't step in, but I will put it over your head and then I'll do the rest, okay?"
Since there is no other way around it, I simply nod again and do whatever Antonio tells me to do. I have to say, the fabric feels nice. The dress is light despite looking like it has a lot of layers. But it shows a little too much for my liking and some parts of my body are only for my girlfriend and me to see.
"How do you feel?", Callie asks from the other side of the curtain, her voice laced with excitement. She is more into this whole fancy dress shopping than me. I guess it comes with her job. "Can I see it?"
Looking at myself in the ceiling high mirror that is inside the fitting room, I reply, "I don't know. I feel like a hooker." And not like Vivian in Pretty Woman that gets dressed in a nice cocktail dress. More like before she has the dress. "This dress makes me want to stay in a closet." All three of us burst out laughing at the double meaning and Antonio agrees with me, that this dress is not the right one. So out of this one it is and a couple of minutes later he comes back with a different gown. This time, I feel good enough to step out. "What do you think?"
"Do you like it?" the pretty brunette inquires, her head tilted to the left. I just shrug my shoulders. "I think it's okay, but it's not perfect. And you deserve perfect for your first official appearance."
The whole process of undressing and redressing continues with another six dresses. One dress doesn't even fit, it's too big. The other five are rejected by either me or Callie. To be honest, it is exhausting. On the good side, I stopped using my hands to cover myself two dresses ago.
"I have a really good feeling about this one", Antonio declares as he brings in a dress that seems to be simply black. On the second look I notice that the black lacy front is connected to an even finer, icy-blue colored, lace that fills out the spaces and covers shoulders and arms. "It's one of a kind, my own creation saved for a special moment."
It's astoundingly beautiful. There are no words I can think of that are worthy enough to describe the beauty of this dress. I am actually looking forward to trying it on. And frankly, I am also hoping that this dress can take me over this marathon's finishing line. This will be the dress, I can feel it. Hearing the zipper being closed on my back, I turn around and check the mirror. My breaths hitches for a second. This is a dream of a long flowy dress. Twisting and twirling around in the fitting room I see the very low cut back, the round edge of the black material starting an inch or two below my lower back, covering just enough to not scream scandal. I don't want to know how much time it took to make this masterpiece. "Wow."
"Let me see it."
Oh Callie, you will love this one. Stepping out, her reaction is instantly. All the important parts of my body are clothed, yet it still shows enough skin to make the Latina's mouth water. "What do think?", I ask again.
"Yes. This one is perfect."
A few days later, the night is here. The night Callie has been looking forward to – she will perform a song from her new movie that is coming out in February. Also the night I have been dreading. I don't know how to deal with so much paparazzi and camera flashes going off. Nevertheless I am all ready to go. The dress sits amazingly well, hugs my waist and works in perfection with the color of my skin. Matching shoes that we also got at Antonio's – four inch heels – will probably kill me later, but Callie assured me that we will be sitting for most of the night. The hairdresser that my girlfriend had come in earlier put my hair in a wonderful updo mix of braids and loose curly strands with a blue hairband to keep everything in place. And now I am just waiting for the limousine to arrive – which should be any minute – nervously tapping my foot.
"You look amazing", the brunette comments, putting her left earring in as she walks into the living room area.
My heart skips a beat or two, maybe even three to five. The way Callie's elegant dress plays with the curves of her magnificent body is hypnotizing. "You look, uh, wow!" Did it just get hot in here? "I mean, breathtakingly stunning", I save myself. Thank you brain, for giving me actually adjectives and compliments. She takes another couple of steps and I see the slit that goes all the way up the middle of her thigh. Gulping heavily, I try to distract myself or I cannot guarantee that we leave the loft at all.
"The car is here. You ready?"
Grabbing my purse, I slip my hand into my girlfriend's. "As ready as I can be."
Around thirty minutes later we arrive at the Grand Salon Reception Hall where the benefit Gala is being held. Apparently, we have to wait a little, which is not really helping. My feet are still tapping on the bottom of the car. It doesn't matter if it is one or both. I am nervous as fuck. Why did you agree to this? Because you love your girlfriend, that's why. And Callie seems to find that amusing. "Don't laugh."
Hiding her infectious chuckles behind her hand, she says, "I'm sorry. I should not find this funny, but I do. And cute." Her thumb strokes over the back of my hand, trying to ease my nerves. "You don't have to be nervous, Arizona. Not only do you look marvelous and like you belong here, you actually do belong right here. With me. I couldn't ask for a better person by my side today." She pauses to let the words sink in. "You don't know how much I appreciate you being here, how much it means to me and how much strength you give me. Sure, our days and nights apart suck." Now I chuckle too. "But I thought that, maybe, if you really want to switch to the university here in Miami, you could move here. The loft is big enough for both of-"
"You want me to move in with you?", I ask, flabbergasted. Totally not what I expected. U-hauling much? I mean, right? Dummy, you feel the same way about her. "Do you... do you really mean that?" Somehow I can't believe it. I love her so much and I always want to be with her. But I never thought she would ask me a question that weighs so much. "For real?"
"For real", she smiles her signature megawatt smile. "Given that you want to move here and attend MU, of course. If you think it is too early, I understand that, too"
Just the mere thought of living here, being here every night, being able to see the woman that I love every day, makes my heart soar. Will I miss Teddy? Of course. Will I miss my parents? Naturally. But the happiness I feel outweighs everything, even my nerves. "Are you kidding me? I would love to move in with you." Pulling her in for a searingly hot kiss, I seal the deal. Please, Miami, accept my application.
"Miss Torres, we're pulling up to the entrance", the driver states. It's not George. It's a driver provided by the benefit organization.
"Thank you. We're ready whenever the door opens."
Uhm, veto? Speak for yourself? I am not ready. Taking a deep breath, I calm myself. You can do this, Arizona. Callie is the star and maybe not every camera will be on you. Yeah, right. Who are you trying to convince. Just before I have a chance to let Callie know that I am not ready, the door is opened and my wonderful girlfriend gets out of the car. Scooting closer towards the open door, I wait a little, letting her get the attention she deserves. And then I see a hand being held out for me. Okay, here goes nothing.
I am not even out of the car and I can already see the flashes going off, multiple at a the same time and seemingly not a single second without any. "Callie Torres, over here!", some of them scream. Others want her to smile into the camera. "Arizona, give us a smile." Dumbstruck, I don't move at first. Only when I hear my name again, do my brain and my body decide to unfreeze. The first smile is forced. So are the second and the third and probably the following twenty. But it gets easier.
"You're doing great", Callie whispers, barely audible over all the noise around us. "Shall we give them what they want and walk in together?" Giving her a nod, she intertwines our fingers and we start moving forward.
What a thrill! I think the cameras didn't stop going off until we went through the huge double winged doors. It looks even crazier inside. So many people. People you know without actually knowing them, Arizona. And it's intimidating. These are all people with big names and I suddenly feel really small.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, the wonderful Callie Torres!"
A big round of applause erupts from the audience as Callie takes up her place behind the microphone. I have been rooted to the same seat for the better part of the last two and a half ours, only standing up to follow the lead of standing ovations a lot of the performers have earned. So many great artists, so much money already raised for the good cause. I think I really like this side of the glamorous life my girlfriend lives.
A soft piano tune starts with a few accords and then a melodic flow of single notes down the keys follows, yet, the stage remains pitch black. Where are they going with that?
"I am not a stranger to the dark", she begins, her voice raspy, almost fragile, but oh so captivating.
"Hide away, they say
'Cause we don't want your broken parts"
I want every part of her, whether it's broken or shiny. Let's face it, A, even her flaws make her perfect.
"I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one'll love you as you are
But - I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious"
The pace of the song changes just a little bit, my girlfriend's words now louder and stronger, but not higher. It's impeccable how much control she has over her vocal cords. God, I already have goosebumps everywhere. And I can't even see her.
"When the sharpest words wanna cut me down"
Boom! The spotlight lands on Callie and her head shoots up. She looks so radiant, truly born to be on stage. More and more power and light engulf the space around her.
"I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me"
I have no idea how she does it. She's barely moving but her posture and body language have changed immensely, just like her voice. Strong and powerful it echoes it through the hall, accompanied by a drum beat..
"Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me"
More people enter from the back of the stage, lining up to support the lead singer.
"Oh-oh-oh-oh – Oh-oh-oh-oh – Oh-oh-oh-oh – Oh-oh-oh-oh - Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh"
On the big screen, I can see that my girlfriend's facial expressions have also changed. She's a fighter, not backing down anymore. She's fearless, fierce.
"Another round of bullets hits my skin
Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in
We are bursting through the barricades and
Reaching for the sun
Yeah, that's what we've become"
She almost roars. I think I may have died a little inside. This is... more than anything I have ever seen or heard from her. And just when I think it cannot get any better, they start marching towards the edge of the stage.
"I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious"
Belting out the last word pulls a lot of people in the audience from their seats, me as well. This song is amazing. The beat, the feeling, the force, the choreography. And don't even get me started on the lyrics.
"When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me"
And you shouldn't. You really are glorious. With or without the choir in the background. Go, Calliope, go!
"Oh-oh-oh-oh – Oh-oh-oh-oh – Oh-oh-oh-oh - Oh-oh-oh-oh - Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
This is me
and I know that I deserve your love
'Cause there's nothing I'm not worthy of"
Oh. My. God. That high note? Unbelievable. I think even more goosebumps appeared. Goosebumps in places I didn't know they could happen. This is just, magic. You do, Calliope. Every little ounce of love. For you. For everyone who thinks they are not worthy of it. My eyes are getting teary.
The fast beat suddenly stops and everything is quiet for a second. As if time has stopped, before the brunette's wonderful voice fills the air again.
"When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
This is brave, this is proof
This is who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me"
What a great comeback from that little slow part. I am engrossed, captured, totally in love with that song and without noticing it, I zone out. All I see is Callie. All I feel is my girlfriend's emotions she manages to show with every word. You are amazing, Calliope Torres. Brilliantly awesome and I love you so much.
My blood is pulsing through my veins so hard that I can hear it in my ears. I am pumped, clapping my hands like crazy. The whole audience is with me. That's the loudest applause happening so far tonight. And it's well deserved. For Callie and the dancers.
AN: Credits go to Keala Settle, Benj Pasek, and Justin Paul - as soon as I heard this song, but definitely when I saw its performance on the movie, I knew I had to use it for this story. I hope I did it justice.
AN2: So, funny thing happened. I had already started the next chapter of OUAD when I realized something was missing. I had a good thousand words written when it became clear that I was skipping a freaking chapter - this one. This one basically wrote itself once I had the time to sit down. My schedule is insane and it will probably stay this way. So, sadly no frequent or scheduled updates.