Hopper had taken the couch and he slept like crap that night. He'd gotten up to take some pain meds for his back before it really started hurting. He'd left some Advil on the nightstand for Julie when she woke up, just in case.

Then he started brewing coffee. He felt like drinking the whole pot. Fuck, he needed a better couch…

Julie woke up with a gasp, mind wrapping itself around last night. She thought Jim was going to take her home, but this wasn't her home…

Beside the bed were pills and a water bottle. It was then that she remembered all of the embarrassing things she did the night before. What all had she told Jim? This was his place, she assumed, judging by the fact that this room smelled like him.

God, her head was throbbing. She'd been such an idiot last night. Did she tell him that she wished she didn't live alone? That her new house reminded her of what she never got a chance to have? Family. He didn't need to know that and she hoped to God she hadn't said a damn thing. From what she'd seen of his headspace he had enough on his plate.

She'd slept in her jeans and her legs felt stiff. The light sensitivity was incredible this morning and she buried her face in the covers once more. Maybe she could sneak out of the window, Jim would never know where she went.

Her head still throbbing, she figured she should maybe take those meds beside the bed, though she should eat something…

She must have kicked off her shoes in her sleep she realized as she searched the room for them. When they were found, she left them by the bed and padded barefoot to the doorway of the room. Glancing out, she saw Jim sipping a coffee mug and watching something on TV.

Awkwardly she stepped into view. "Hey."

"Hey."

"So…about last night."

"What about last night?"

She cringed as the volume of his voice this morning. Hangover, she was sure.

"I probably said some things and…"

"Coffee?" Jim offered, standing up and busying himself to make her a mug though she never replied.

Was he trying to change the subject? She followed him into the kitchen, leaning against a cabinet. She figured her headache couldn't get worse so she took a second to breathe and try to read him. Jim was blocking, as usual, but there were little snippets of what she'd said last night – about expectations and people sucking and how she didn't want to go home. Is that why he brought her here?

And then his mind landed on Eleven as soon as the phone rang. She could see her in his mind, could feel the fear bubbling in his stomach like he didn't know what to do.

Quickly he grabbed the phone as if Julie was going to answer it.

"This is Hopper," he answered, handing a steaming mug of coffee to her. "Hey Karen. Yeah. Alright. No, that's fine…I…ok. Thanks." He hung up and Julie realized she was so focused on trying to remember last night that she didn't listen to the other line. "Uh…"

Julie locked eyes with him, mid-sip of her coffee. Her stomach knotted and she felt like she might vomit but she swallowed down the warm liquid.

She wanted to say that she was sorry for taking up his night, wanted to take off. Her eyes wandered to the room beside her and she noticed a white gown under the bed, a similar gown that she wore in the facility. Her chest rose and fell quickly as shaky breaths left her. She put the coffee mug down, tears forming in her eyes as her mind took her back to those 'experiments' the pills, the 'surgeries', the scars.

Hopper watched in confusion as Julie paled, her eyes fixated on something in Jane's room. Fear bubbled up inside him. Was there something there? A creature? He took two long steps toward her, peering into the room himself. What did she see?

"No…" Julie whispered, backing away, head throbbing.

Once again, it was like she was back there in that moment. She knew she wasn't, could feel the floorboards of Jim's cabin beneath her bare feet, could feel that she was in jeans and not a hospital gown. She turned and could see the bathroom of Jim's cabin. Beginning to walk that way, she paused when images flashed in her mind – Brenner coming up to hold her when she tried to jump off the surgery table, his hands like ice on her heated skin. Stumbling forward, she felt like she was back in that room, watching a monster rip through the walls. With a blink, she was back in Jim's cabin, somehow making it to the sink to splash water on her face and see a frightened Jim in the mirror over her shoulder.

She'd done something similar, splashing water on her face after that pill they had her take, feeling like she was suffocating inside of her own skin. The tears still fell and she was gasping for breath. Jim's hand was on her back but she imagined Brenner hovering over her shoulder and back in that memory she went:

'It'll be okay, little bird. Just let the medicine take effect…' he'd said.

But her mind was spinning and her limbs felt so damn heavy and she was on the verge of collapse. It was in her. Something in that 'medicine' was clawing her alive from the inside out. Cut it out. All she could think was to cut it out.

Jim was horrified. Did she need a doctor? This was not reaction from a hangover. What had she seen? What the Hell was going on with her?

He pressed his hand to hers.

"Breathe," he tried to instruct the gasping woman, fighting off his own memories of Sara. That fear was still there – that absolute terror in his chest when she had hyperventilated in the park that day.

And now Julie about to pass out on his bathroom floor from what, he could only imagine. It looked a lot like what Will got, how Joyce described his weird visions. PTSD?

He grabbed her hands with both of his and suddenly felt it, a similar tickling sensation up his spine like that time he took her back to see the facility – when she thought she saw a ton of cars in the empty lot. She had given him that vision with just a touch. His eyes flashed to a foggy vision of her in a hospital gown, Brenner whispering in her ear.

She'd taken a scalpel from the operating table with such a quick motion Brenner hadn't even had a chance to react. She started pressing it into her stomach, cutting through fabric and just grazing skin above her navel.

"Julie stop!" Brenner instructed, grabbing the scalpel from her quickly.

She shoved him down. Get it out! Her mind was screaming. Without a sharp object, she just shoved her fingers down her throat and puked. The overall awful feeling of vomiting was better than how she felt before. Relief. She felt like she was doing the right thing, like her body wouldn't feel that way again – not for a long while.

Brenner looked shocked and angry when she stood up wiping her mouth.

"Now you know what we have to do. I tried for you, Julie. I truly did." He shook a pill out of a container he kept in his jacket pocket and pressed her to the wall, kissing the top of her head as he clasped his hand around her mouth.

The pill felt awful on her tongue and she screamed against his palm, thrashing against him until other lab coats came to restrain her. She felt like she could pass out and when the pill slipped down her throat she sobbed against Brenner's hand, choking and gasping.

"We can keep doing this so long as you fight us, little bird. I'd like to make this easier on you. Please, let me help you. Do you want that?" he cooed in her ear. Sobbing, she found herself nodding. "Good girl…"

Julie pulled away from the hands that held her, hands she thought were Brenner's but knew were Jim's. Scrambling for the toilet, she felt her stomach lurch. Jim was pulling at her hair in an instant, sitting beside her against the wall.

He stared at her, sweat coating his forehead, heart racing, mouth open. It felt so real. He felt like he was in that room with her and Brenner, felt like he'd been drugged, like his limbs were heavy, like there was a weight in his belly.

Hopper remembered all that time ago when he was at Julie's parent's cabin, trying to wake her while she thrashed in the tub and screamed out. He remembered shaking her in that ice cold tub and not knowing what to do, fearing the worst.

"I get these memories sometimes. Dreams, maybe…I don't know. But they feel so real and it's like I'm there again," she'd said when they were on the run from Brenner.

At that time he'd acknowledged his own struggles with his night terrors, sometimes a memory clouding his brain but nothing like that. Nothing like what she'd just experienced. And, damn it, he wondered if it was because of something in Jane's room. Didn't that damn Dr. Owens say something about a trigger?

She reached up to flush the toilet after her stomach stopped convulsing. Jim's hands were still in her hair, holding it back. She glanced at him, covered her mouth. A few strands of hair fell loose from his fingers. She stood up and he let go.

Washing her hands and rinsing her mouth out, she stole glances at Jim who still sat against the wall. He was looking at her through half-lidded eyes, mouth a hard line, just examining her.

She didn't know what to say. She could still feel the weight of that flashback and it had been the most intense one she'd ever had. Was Jim upset with her? He'd had to play damage control for far too long with her and it embarrassed her to no end to be taken care of.

She glanced up to the mirror and noticed the trickle of blood coming from her nose.

And then it hit her. He'd gripped her hand.

"Oh, no…" she turned to him suddenly, eyes wild. "Jim, you…" His eyes scanned her face but he said nothing.

He looked heated, sweat on his forehead, fingers clasping and unclasping. Surely she'd given him that flashback, just like she did with the cars in the parking lot at the facility or when she transferred her memories to him in his office a few weeks back. Serious power made her nose bleed. He didn't need to tell her that he'd seen things. She knew.

Shit.

•••

Julie wanted to run, take off, get out but she had no idea where this cabin was and when she walked outside she saw nothing but woods. It reminded her of her last escape but she was too drained from that last memory and so she forced herself to refocus her mind.

Taking a seat on the porch steps, Julie took a few deep breaths, stared at the leaves on the ground, the veins in her hands.

Hopper was inside making toast. He figured she couldn't stomach anything else currently and he honestly didn't want to go talk right now. His mind was still reeling from all that. In a matter of a second everything had gone from questioning things in his head to watching Julie have some weird PTSD moment. He'd hung up the phone, worried because Jane would be getting dropped off in a few hours and how was he going to handle that if Julie was still here? Did he want Jane to meet her? Was it a good idea?

Judging by what just happened, Hopper hesitated once again. Maybe they weren't good for each other at the moment. He knew that Jane would be curious, knew that Julie wanted to meet her and protect her but if these flashbacks were going to be a constant thing around her then, well, shit did they have some work to do.

Hopper found himself suddenly angry, mind tracing back to the image in his head. Brenner, shoving some kind of drug down her throat, hand clasped over her mouth, kissing her forehead like he was doing a kindness for her. He figured it was LSD, judging by what he'd learned before about MKUltra. He could almost picture Jane in a similar situation, Brenner kissing Jane's forehead, cooing sweet lies in her ear, mental manipulation. Her 'Papa' crafting the perfect weapon.

Is that what it was with Julie too? He couldn't imagine. And she never shared.

She'd run outside before he could say anything, not that he knew what to say. She hadn't gone far, just sat on the porch steps, staring out into the woods. He was sure she wanted her space.

Toast ready – a little burnt – he brought it out to her with her coffee.

Once outside Hopper put the plate in her hands, wondering if it would stop them from shaking. He huffed down beside her and they sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Eat," he demanded. He didn't mean to take his anger out on her, didn't mean to snap but he did.

She looked defiant and he saw her usual self start to crack through the shell.

Time. What she needed was time.

He heard her crunching quietly on the toast and he relaxed a bit. At least she was eating.

"Jane is coming back home soon." He spoke the sentence without looking at her. She said nothing and he wondered if he confused her. Should he have called her Eleven? But then he remembered her ability and felt it, she just knew. "I'm wondering how you want to handle this."

Was he leaving it in her hands this time? Was he giving her that power to choose? He realized that, yes, he was. After everything he was starting to piece together about her he realized that she didn't have much choice in anything. With Brenner. And the experiments. And losing everything. He had this image in his head of her reaching toward light but coming up short, always coming up short...

"I want to meet her, Jim. I really do." She put the plate down and he glanced at it to make sure she ate everything. She did. "I'm just not sure it's the best idea today."

Jim found himself breathing, relieved. He wasn't ready, not yet. He could tell that she meant no harm but with the image of Brenner hitting like a ton of bricks he was worried. What if she brought them here, what if she brought someone...

"Okay," he agreed.

"Soon though," she said it as almost a question and he finally met eyes with her for the first time since the flashback. "Promise me?"

"Yeah," Hopper croaked out. "Promise."

She seemed satisfied with that. "I'm going to say it one last time: I'm sorry about all of this."

Hopper turned his whole body toward her, slightly humored slightly irritated. "And I'm gonna say it one last time: shut the fuck up."

Julie feigned shock, laughing him off after a second.

"I deserved that," it was the first time he saw her smile in a while. He liked it, he realized. And then it was gone just as quickly as it came. "Jim, what all did you see?"

She could just read it from him, he figured – pull her own memories back or was that too painful? Hopper felt like she needed to hear him say it.

"Well," he swallowed hard. "You tried stabbing yourself with a scalpel for starters." He was hoping she would stop him there after learning where he picked up. She didn't say a word. "And then since you threw that 'medicine' up, Brenner forced it back down." His fists clenched when he spoke that part and he swore he could smell his aftershave. It was weird, almost like after peeking behind the curtain of her memories he almost thought they were his own.

"What did it make you feel?"

"Angry," Jim answered immediately.

Julie looked comforted yet sorrowful. "I mean...did you feel...like, drugged when you saw it?"

"...Yes."

Julie remembered transferring memories to Brenner too, remembered him wanting the good memories, asking for memories of comfort or joy. She remembered his reaction when she sent him something painful – it stuck with him, she could tell. Made him look at her with a little sorrow in his eyes. If it could do that to a monster like him she wondered what it was doing to Jim to be aware of such a painful part of her past.

"If that ever happens again, avoid my hands."

Jim didn't acknowledge that remark and a part of her wondered why.

"Does that happen often?"

"Not…very often. Sometimes," she sighed. "I don't know how to answer that, Jim..."

He nodded slowly as the soft breeze blew. "What triggered it?"

Julie hesitated with the answer. Was this something he'd use as ammunition? A reason for her not to meet Jane?

"Her hospital gown."

And, damn it, didn't Jim tell her to throw that thing out? She hadn't had much from her past and he figured she wanted to keep it because of that, but now he wanted to burn that thing.

Silence followed once again, but the thoughts in his head were racing. Julie let him be, didn't push. Instead she focused on the sunlight flitting between the leaves on the trees, the way the breeze blew her hair. Last night and the events of the morning left her feeling drained. The hangover wasn't even a worry at the moment; she knew she'd have a headache anyway after that memory cutting through her mind like a knife.

"It's nice here," she hummed as the sunlight hit her face. She could stay her. She felt safe here.

"Julie…is this…" Jim sighed, shaking his head, he stopped himself. His eyes begged her to read him at that moment so he didn't have to say it aloud – didn't have to feel like an asshole for saying it.

She listened, touched his arm for a moment. 'Is this going to happen every time you see Jane?' was the question he was going to ask.

Julie felt the pang of sadness hit her. She'd read many scattered sentences, many woes in his thoughts. She felt guilty; while she'd been sitting there enjoying the weather and the calm, Jim was overwhelmed with thoughts.

"I'm not sure," Julie answered honestly. "Jim, I understand your worry about keeping her safe. I don't know her, but I know some of what she's gone through and…" she breathed. "Jim, just thinking about these things, re-living them at times…it's so much for me; I can't imagine how difficult it is for her." Jim sighed, nodding, resting his head against the porch rail. Julie could tell he was in pain without even reading his thoughts. She wanted to give him space. "I want to be here to help her, but to help you too, Jim. As her guardian…you've got a lot on your shoulders."

Hopper flinched at that, knowing that he'd never told her aloud that he was Jane's guardian. She read it from him and that privacy taken from him felt chilling once again.

"I know this, Jules. I just…can't get outta my own head, yanno?"

She felt like he was baring his soul to her, similar to the way he did at her parent's cabin and that closeness warmed her from within.

"I can't make anything better right now, I'm not sure what's gonna happen but I'll go." At her words, Jim looked over at her languidly. "If it's better if I leave her be, I'll go." Did he want that? Hopper didn't know what he wanted anymore. He wanted to rest, he thought. She got an idea from this. "I…want to do something for you, Jim."

He looked at her lazily, exhausted by everything. "Yeah? And what's that, kid?"

She extended her hands to him, scooting closer. Hesitantly, Hopper glanced at her open palms and then back to her face, eyebrows furrowed. With a sad smile she tapped his hands with hers and he felt like this was some kind of childish game he saw girls playing back in school.

Rolling his eyes, he sighed and pushed his hands out toward her. Was this some kind of self-help yoga crap? Because he wasn't having it.

Julie took a breath and put her mind frame to something calming. She pictured her time at Cocoa Beach with her sister, waking up early morning and running across the cool sand to watch the sunrise. It had been a last minute spring break drive her sister's freshman year at university and it took forever to convince her to go. These memories were often what she went back to for her calming space.

Hopper stared as Julie sat with her eyes closed, looking focused. When her fingers reached out to pull at his hand Hop stilled. Warm hands enveloped his and he couldn't help but be nervous at the contact. Last time was such a painful experience he didn't want to feel anything.

But then his mind changed when he felt the instant calm reach his fingertips. The sensation spread up his arms and an instant chill chased down his spine. He couldn't help the moan that left him, a shaky breath following. Flashes of Julie's memories played through his mind like he was watching an old film. Sand, gentle waves on a body of water that went as far as the eye could see. He could feel the heat, could feel the happiness bubbling in Julie's chest, saw the glances she was sending her laughing sister, her sun kissed body floating on the clear water…

Hop almost felt like he was intruding on a personal moment but he soon realized he craved the comfort and so he leaned into it, leaving his reckless thoughts behind.

"Jim," Julie called in the present moment but it sounded far away. "Relax into it," he felt her grip on his fingers tighten.

It was then that his mind did the most curious thing, crafting him into the scene: him lying in a hammock, drink in hand…calm.

Clinging to that, he felt the tension in his shoulders lessen, the pressure in his temples fade.

"Jules?" Jim's voice came out sleepy almost, gruff, deep in her ears. She blushed. He could feel her fading.

"I can't much longer, Jim…I'm sorry."

This worried him and he wanted to pull away from the memory, leave that beach and come to on the porch to make sure she was okay. Julie pushed more power toward him and that calm resonated in his brain once again but her fingers lessened their grip.

The memory was ripped from him so suddenly; he took a sharp intake of breath as he blinked hard. When he saw Julie on the porch she looked pale and her nose was bleeding again.

"You okay?" he asked in a rush, feeling like he'd taken a power nap and was trying to shake the sleep from his limbs.

"M'fine," she hummed. "Lightheaded, but I'm alright. Did that help?"

Hop almost laughed out loud. Here she was wiping blood from her nose and asking if he was alright?

"Yeah…yeah, it did." It wasn't taking him long to see how helpful her powers could be.

"I'm still working on that, actually. That was the last thing that…" she paused, looked up at him and his expression urged her to continue. "It was the last thing that Brenner and I worked on before I got out."

Hop didn't want to volunteer as lab rat, but if he got to feel that way again he sure as shit might consider it. It was like downing a case of beer to get that floating feeling. Julie looked exhausted as she leaned back against the porch rail.

"That's…it's pretty amazing, Jules."

She closed her eyes, a smile forming on her lips. "Mmm, thanks Jim." She could stay here all day if he would let her, but Jane was coming soon and she didn't want to intrude. "I have a shift at the coffee shop later. Do you mind taking me back?"

Hopper shook his head though she couldn't see with her eyes closed. "No problem. I'll get my keys."

Julie didn't follow him inside like she planned to. Her body felt extremely weak. She'd never given two different memories within a half hour of each other. It felt like weights were attached to her arms and head.

Only a few minutes had passed, she'd assumed, but Jim came back on the porch, the door slam startling her.

"Thank you," she said as he handed her purse over. Standing slowly, she leaned against the porch rail and took a deep breath. A few steps off the porch and she almost felt like she was on the verge of collapse.

"Hey, hey…" Jim's voice was behind her, hands catching her before she fell. She clung to his arms, breathing strained. "What the Hell? I thought you were fine."

"I'm fine, Hop." So she only used that name when she was irritated with him. Noted, he thought. "I just tried to de-stress you, cut out the worrying."

"Oh, yeah, 'cause that's easy…"

Julie pulled away gently and was determined to get to his Blazer by herself, which she did.

Stubborn woman, Hop thought.