Channel 13
Chapter 6:Family Feud
Disclaimer:I don't own Family Feud,Ed,Edd,n Eddy,Dead Space,Resident Evil,Silent Hill,Half Life,Klonoa,Red Dead Redemtion. I do own Avatar.
"It's time to play Family Feud!" The narrator blared.
"Today,It's the Resident Evil family vs the Silent Hill family. Here's your host,Avatar!" The narrator blared as Avatar (A blue dragon with a white chest) was shoved on stage.
"I told you,I don't want to do this!" He yelled while he went up front.
"Umm,Hi. I'm a dragon from the Legend of Spyro series. The author thought the readers would prefer a different type of Species to host a segment." Avatar said.
"On the Silent Hill family we have,Harry mason,Heather Mason,Henry Townshend,James Sunderland,and Alex Shepherd!" The Narrator blared,startling Avatar.
"And on the Resident Evil Family,we have Chris Redfield,Jill Valentine,Leon S Kennedy,Claire Redfield,and Kevin!" He blared again. Avatar,almost suffering a heart attack,walked over to the podium,along with Chris and Harry.
"Okay,we ask you a question that has five answers which we asked the people in our audience,which is very small,so work with me people. Name something you find in a locker." Avatar asked before Harry slammed down his fist on his buzzer.
"Hairy?" Avatar said.
"Cats!" Harry said.
"Cats? Are you fucking insane?" Avatar said. Harry got a strike. Then Chis hit his buzzer.
"Chris?" Avatar asked.
"Sniper rifles!" Chris said. Sniper Rifles was 4.
"SNIPER RIFLES! What kind of town do you live in?" Harry yelled,pointing at Chris.
"Africa." Chris responded. Avatar went over to Chris' table.
"So Chris,I hear your part of some Anti-terrorist thing." Avatar said.
"Yeah,the BSAA." Chris said.
"Great,I guess." Avatar said,before moving to Jill.
"Jill,we hear your the master of unlocking." Avatar said.
"Oh yeah,It was really handy when escaping the mansion and city,but for some reason,I still can't unlock the other doors that require keys." She said,after Avatar moved to Leon.
"Leon,your like the most popular character in the series." Avatar said.
"Hell yeah,I introduced the new over-shoulder mechanic." Leon said,after Avatar moved to Claire.
"Claire,your Chris' little sister right?" Avatar asked.
"Yeah,but the fans prefer me because I'm more romantic than he is." She said.
"It's a survival horror game,there is no room for romance!" Chris yelled.
"Your just too hideous to be loved." Claire said as she filed her nails.
"Let me at her! Let me at her!" Chris yelled,being restrained by Jill.
"Who's this little skinny guy?" Avatar said,pointing at Kevin.
"I'm Kevin,from Resident Evil:outbreak." Kevin said.
"That was one of our worst games." Jill said.
"The only thing worse is Resident Evil:Survivor." Chris said.
"And Resident Evil:Code Gaiden." Leon said.
"Then why didn't you replace him with another character?" Avatar asked.
"We did,we're just using him as a place holder." Claire said. Rebecca Chambers from Resident Evil 0 walked onto the set.
"Hi,I'm here. You can get rid of this tard now." She said. Chris picked up Kevin and threw him into the audience.
"Alright,back to the game." Avatar said,Heather and Jill walked up to the podium.
"Okay,something found in a locker." Avatar said before Heather slammed down on the button.
"Heather?" Avatar said.
"Perfume!" Heather said, Heather got a 2nd strike. Jill pressed her buzzer.
"Jill?" Avatar asked.
"Gunpowder." She said. Jill got a 1st strike.
"Nice guess,bitch." Heather smirked.
"Take that back,whore!" Jill yelled as she reached for her stun gun,but Heather had already pulled out hers and used it on Jill,whom fainted.
"Ladies please,no Tazing on the set! Next pair." Avatar said as Leon and James came up.
"Something found in a locker." Avatar said as James hit his Buzzer.
"James?" Avatar said.
"Shotguns." He said,it was number 5 on the board.
"HaHa,take that you scareless freaks!" James taunted.
"Watch yourself buddy." Leon said as he hit his buzzer.
"Leon?" Avatar said.
"Submachine guns." he said.
"What is wrong with you people? First cats,then perfume,now SMGs? Do you know what a locker is?" Avater said. It was 3 on the board.
"Oh,next pair." Avatar said as Henry and Claire came up.
"Hasn't changed." Avatar said again. Claire slammed her buzzer.
"Be careful,those things are expensive." Avatar said.
"Side-packs." Claire said. It was 2 on the board as 'Bags'.
"Henry,you want to guess or not?" Avatar asked.
"I'm gonna pass,I don't know what a locker is." Henry said.
"Next pair." Avatar said. Alex and Rebecca came up.
"Something-" Avatar said before Alex slammed his buzzer,breaking it.
"Damn It. Alex?" Avatar said.
"Ammunition!" Alex said. He got a 3rd strike.
"You're out of the game. Show us the last answer." Avatar said. 1 was keys.
"Keys! Who puts keys in a locker?" Alex asked.
"Okay,Resident Evil gets to play. Name a Firearm." Avatar said.
"Glock 17!" Chris yelled.
"Beretta 92F." Jill said.
"H&K VP70!" Leon yelled.
"Browning HP." Claire said.
"uhhh,Grapple gun." Rebecca said as it gave her a strike.
"Oh,sorry,That isn't a firearm. Now over to Silent Hill." Avatar said.
"Wait,I thought we could get up to 3 strikes." Chris said.
"Times running short and I haven't even interviewed the other team." Avatar said as he went to the other team.
"So Harry,this hot chick next to you is your adopted daughter,split from the soul of Alyessa?" Avatar asked.
"Yep,she was born in Silent Hill and her true mother was a psycho bitch." Harry said.
"Heather,is it true you have anger problems?" Avatar asked,Heather held her knife at his throat.
"Watch what you say,acid breath." She said.
"Honey,no threatening other people in public,unless they're monsters." Harry said.
"Sorry dad." Heather said,sheathing her knife.
"Henry,you seriously don't know what a locker is?" Avatar asked Henry.
"Yeah,there weren't any in Silent Hill 4." He said.
"James,you smothered your wife with a pillow,yes?" Avatar asked James.
"Yeah,she was a huge pain in my ass. One time,I brought her flowers and she yelled at me." James said.
"Alex,you know your game is considered the second worst in the series,the first being Silent Hill:Shattered Memories?" Avatar asked Alex.
"No it isn't!" Alex roared,pointing his Beretta 92F at Avatar.
"Hey,I've been looking for that model,where did you get it?" Chris asked from his stand.
"Well this card I'm reading says it is. Lets change the subject. Did you really kill your kid brother fighting over this family ring and died because you foolishly took him out on the lake?" Avatar asked before Alex pistol whipped him in the face.
"Alright,lets get to the question." Avatar said as he got up. "Name something a pipe is used for."
"Bashing heads!" Heather yelled.
"Bashing heads?" Avatar said. It was 1 on the board.
"Alright,it looks like you've won the game." Avatar said.
"Hey,what about us?" Chris yelled.
"You won't be going home alone. You all win a free copy of Silent Hill:Shattered Memories." Avatar said as the Resident Evil members were handed a copy.
"What the hell? This game is rigged!" Chris yelled as he threw his game at Avatar.
"Duh,it's a fanfic." He said.
"I'm gonna kill you!" Chris yelled,pulling out his Ithica M37.
"Security!" Avatar yelled as some Combine cops from Half life 2 ran in and bashed Chris with stun batons.
"We'll be right back after this brief commercial." Avatar said.
Klonoa was sitting on the steps of his destroyed house.
"Why is Klonoa sad? Is he depressed? Lonely? Or maybe,Hungry for revenge?" The narrator said,which caught Klonoa's attention.
"A fucking midget clown killed his grandfather and he wants to make him pay! But how? All he has is that retarded little ring." The narrator said as Klonoa looked at his ring.
"What he needs is a proper,Blood splattering,heat packing ass kicking weapon! That's why he should come over to John Marston's Weapon warehouse! He's got every weapon ever made! He's got pistols,shotguns,machine guns,sniper rifles,grenade launchers,Assault rifles,swords,spears,axes,knives,maces,bows,arrows,grenades,plasma pistols,lightsabers,rocket launchers,missile launchers,flamethrowers,hammers,2x4s,pipes,crowbars,wrenches,Molotov cocktails,blunderbusses,flintlocks,and Marston's favorite,TNT!" The Narrator blared,showing all the above weapons.
"So ditch that weak ass ring and get armed,only at Marston's weapon warehouse!"The Narrator said as Klonoa threw away his ring,ran off screen briefly and returned,dressed like Rambo and holding a Shotgun.
Now,back to Family Feud...
"Okay,The Silent Hill family is playing for the $10,000." Avatar said.
"I can finally buy a new apartment!" Henry said.
"Which one of you wants to go in the sound proof booth?" Avatar asked. Everyone on the team pointed to Heather.
"What? Why me?" She asked as she was dragged to the booth by the metro cops.
"Now,who wants to answer the questions?" Avatar asked again. Everyone on the team started pointing to themselves and yelling "me!".
"James Sunderland,your up." Avatar chose randomly.
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww." Said the other members.
"Okay James,I'm going to ask you 5 questions we asked 100 people with 30 seconds to answer. Do you understand?" Avatar asked.
"Yes." James said.
"Name something you like to use as a weapon." Avatar asked.
"Iron pipe!" James said,which got him 10 points.
"Name someone you won't miss." Avatar asked.
"My wife!" James said,which got him 20 points.
"Name something a mental patient does." Avatar asked.
"Spews acid!" James said,getting no points.
"Name an animated film that wasn't cgi." Avatar asked.
"Uhhhhhh...Secret of NIMH!" James said,which got 50 points.
"Finally,name a non-violent game." Avatar asked.
"...I got nothing." James said,getting no points.
"Alright,now Heather has to win at least 20 points for the family to win." Avatar said as Heather was brought back.
"What the hell was wrong with that room? I couldn't hear anything." She said.
"Heather,I'm going to ask you 5 questions we asked-." Avatar started.
"Just get with the questions!" Heather said.
"Name something you like to use as a weapon." Avatar asked.
"Katana." Heather said,which got no points
"Name someone you won't miss." Avatar asked.
"Claudia." Heather said,which got no points.
"Name something a mental patient does." Avatar asked.
"Writes on walls." Heather said,getting her 10 points.
"10 more baby!" Her dad yelled from the stand.
"Name an animated film that wasn't cgi." Avatar asked.
"Uhhhh, Dead Space:Aftermath." Heather said,getting no points.
"What the hell? The was half animated!" Harry shouted from the stand.
"Finally,name a non-violent video game." Avatar asked.
"The Bible game!" Harry yelled from the stand.
"10 point deduction for outside help." Avatar said.
"What the fuck! What the hell is wrong with this damn show!" Harry yelled,smashing the stand with an iron pipe.
"Security!" Avatar yelled. The metro cops tried to subdue Harry,but he kept bashing them with his pipe.
"Uhhhhh...Tetris?" Heather said. No points showed up.
"See! This game is rigged! That is a non-violent video game!" Harry yelled as he smashed the skull of another metro cop.
"The judges are trying to confirm the-" Avatar started before he took a bullet to his shoulder.
"I've had enough!" Harry said as he pulled out his hunting rifle. Henry pulled out his Ax,James pulled out his Wooden plank,and Alex pulled out his Crowbar.
"Security! Secu-" Avatar yelled before Heather stabbed him with her Katana.
"Fuck this." She said.
"Come on,they probably keep the money this way!" Alex yelled,pointing. They ran backstage and down the hall. Several Metro cops stood in their way.
"Stand down immediately!" One shouted.
"GET EM!" Henry yelled as the Silent Hill gang charged at them. Henry sliced one's head open,James Bashed his,Heather stabbed hers,Alex pried open one's skull,and Harry shot his. After killing them all,they saw more cops trying to hold this door shut. Chris stuck his arm through it.
"I'M GONNA KILL THAT HOST!" He yelled. Harry and Henry killed the cops and let the Resident Evil characters in.
"Don't worry,I already did." Heather said.
"Did you guys lose too?" Jill asked.
"It was double rigged." Alex said.
"We're going to get the money,not just from this game,but all the games!" Harry said.
"Sweet! Now thats my kind of Game!" Chris said as he brandished his Ithica M37. Jill got her Px4,Leon whipped out his Striker,Claire pulled out her Bowgun,and Rebecca equipped her Grapple gun. They stormed down the hall,killing everyone in their path. They reached a huge vault.
"This must be it!" Harry said.
"Does anyone have a rocket launcher?" Chris asked.
"No worries." Alex said as he tried to pry the vault open,but broke his crowbar.
"Stand back." Jill said as she aimed her RPG at the Vault and fired at it,destroying it. They walked in to find,nothing.
"Where the hell is all the cash?" Leon yelled. They heard a loud honk. They all turned around to see a large truck that was driven by Kevin.
"So long,suckers!" He yelled as he drove away.
"That fucker!" Chris yelled.
Harry spied a tour guide cart with multiple carts behind it. He commandeered it and the others joined him on the rest. He drove out onto the street,running over a few pedestrians. They caught up with Kevin's truck, and all of them started firing their guns,even Harry with his pistol. Rebecca's grapple hook caught Kevin's bumper and dragged her along the street. It pulled her up to his truck and she climbed on top of it. Kevin was drinking a beer when Rebecca plopped herself on his windshield, Beretta 92F drawn.
"Holy shit!" He yelled.
He swerved to the right,throwing her on top of the tour carts. Fortunately,she had a clear shot at Kevin. She shot him in the neck and caused the truck to drive over the side of a bridge,into a nearby Cul de sac. Ed,Edd,and Eddy stood watching. It fell on it's side and the door to it's trailer fell open,and the money flowed out.
"WE'RE RICH!" Eddy yelled as he dove into it. "We can purchase the entire candy store with this!"
Unfortunately,Chris drove the Tour carts over the side of the bridge and landed right on top of Eddy. All the characters got out and started throwing the money in the air. Kevin's corpse just sat in the truck.
"We're rich! All of us!" Harry yelled as he started stuffing some dough in his pants. Meanwhile,Avatar was at the hospital.
"Join us again for another fun episode of Channel 13 soon. Hopefully I won't be in it." He said before he flat lined.
End.