Annie and Teddy had one last set of letters to go through. This was the very last set Annie's grade 10 through her first year of university. Annie had noticed a trend over the years as she got older many of the letters had gotten shorter. Either she was less exciting or Leslie found it harder to tell a stranger about her daughter. The change happened when Annie got into high school, around the time the bullying from Jessica started.

"These keep getting shorter," Annie said.

"They do and they don't," Teddy said.

Annie opened one from the end of her grade 10 year.

Dear Teddy,

Annie has had a tough month, she's been in and out of the hospital and our doctors can not figure out what is wrong. She's still trying to keep up with her school work and dancing when she's got the energy to. All of the tests have come back clear except her TSH and TPO levels which are slightly elevated and her iron is really low. We are waiting on an MRI but the doctor isn't sure he'll find anything. We know you are still in Iraq but would really appreciate any help you can give us with figuring out how to help Annie. She is in a good mood as always if a little lethargic. She's found a new book series and has devoured the A Song of Ice and Fire series in the last few weeks. It's hard for Annie to be sidelined at dance and only doing barre work instead of dancing full out and performing. We're hoping this gets sorted out before Canadians and that she still has a chance at Worlds this year. She was doing really well and we have everything booked for all five of us to go to Scotland this summer. This will be Annie's third trip but we haven't seen her compete on this level yet. We're really hoping that she's healthy enough to go and to compete but knowing her she'll try to dance anyway. We would really appreciate it if you had any insight into what could be happening with Annie either from family medical history or your experience as a doctor.

"Mama that's from when I got sick," Annie said.

"It is," Teddy replied, "I cried reading that. It was about the time Meghan disappeared and I couldn't add to Owens' stressOwens' stress and he wasn't talking to Nathan. There was another woman that had been Meghan and my other roommate Felicia she figured it out. "

"How did she figure it out," Annie asked.

"She was a family doctor," Teddy replied, "a general practitioner. She knew the symptoms to ask about so I emailed your mom and asked."

"Did she know about me," Annie asked.

"Yes and no," Teddy smiled, "she knew there was a teen named Annie I was really attached to back home. She assumed you were my niece or a little cousin not my daughter."

"What happened to her," Annie asked.

"She went home to her boyfriend," Teddy said, "your second year of medical school. I processed her discharge . We met in my office and by that point I had your picture up and that's when she learned you were mine. She was shocked I had a daughter because I didn't talk about you at all so I told her about having you at 21 and giving you up as much as it hurt me."

"Why didn't you tell people about me," Annie asked, "I still don't understand."

"It was never you," Teddy explained, "it was the story of what happened with your father. People I trusted knew about you but I don't trust easily. It was easier when you turned 19 and we actually got to know each other."

"What did your friend say," Annie asked.

"When I told the story she was happy for me that we had connected," Teddy said, "thought you were gorgeous from your pictures. And that we looked alike."

"We do," Annie laughed.

"More than your sister," Teddy said.

"It's her hair," Annie said, "she's got red hair. Her face no. She has green eyes. It's only the three of us."

Teddy nodded, "you look like my mom. Allison looks like Meghan except for her eyes."

"Will Meghan and Nathan have kids," Annie asked.

"I don't know," Teddy said, "they're in their 40s and with her injury who knows. She's the best auntie though. Let's get back to the letters."

Annie read a few more coming to her grade 12 year.

Feb 7 2008

Dear Teddy,

She's done her first semester of grade twelve where has our baby girl gone? She's less and less of a child everyday most mornings I look at her and see a young woman heading off to school. She got her N and can drive without Dan or I in the car now. I don't know how I feel about watching the three of them go off to school in the morning with Annie driving, Chris in the passenger seat and Jessica in the back. Annie gets more independent every day, sometimes I don't think she needs me at all. Annie has sent in all of her university applications for next fall and is planning on medical school and being a pediatrician or a surgeon one day. When she gets there we may need your advice but she's 17 there's only a few more letters from me to you before she decides what happens. She's been asking a lot of questions about you lately and I've told her basics that you're a surgeon and that she was born your first year of medical school. I wish we could tell her more but we agreed her 19th birthday. Annie is hoping to go to UBC next year for a biology degree. She's also applied to Simon Fraser University, UBC Okanagan in Kelowna, UNBC in Prince George and UVIC in Victoria.

It's hard to believe this is our last school year with Annie at home. She plans on living in dorms next year and I think it will be good for her. She's ready to spread her wings and be more independent. This weekend we found her dress for the grad dinner dance, our equivalent of your prom. Well send pictures in June but she's happy with it and the cranberry colour is perfect on her. This will also be the last year Annie and Chris are together he's decided to enlist when they graduate and join the air force. He wants to be a pilot. It will be hard for Annie and Chris to be separated; they have done almost everything together since grade one. It will be good for Annie to do more without her brother to make decisions about friends and use her voice. At the same time she has her first boyfriend, TJ is a nice boy that we've known for years through Chris's hockey teams. Annie and TJ connected as camp counselors at church camp last summer and have been spending a lot of time together, Dan and I like him, he's a polite respectful young man. Annie is enjoying spending time with him after school, he's an avid rider and is teaching her to ride his horse. She prefers the farm dog and barn cats.

Thank you again for our girl.

Love,

Leslie and Dan.

"Grade twelve was a great year," Annie said.

"Your mom was right about separating you and Chris," Teddy laughed.

Annie laughed , "remember the time a friend of Henry's thought you had twins. That Chris and I were twins and both yours."

"We played along with it," Teddy laughed.

"That would have been hard when asked about Chris later," Annie said.

"You always had updates about your brother," Teddy said.

Annie grabbed a letter dated July of 2008.

July 7 2008

Dear Teddy,

Annie did it! She graduated high school at the top of her class while she narrowly missed being valedictorian; she had many awards and honors at the commencement ceremony. She surprised all of us and even herself with the awards and scholarships that she won. Annie has accepted a place at UBC for the fall and will be moving into her dorm the last week of August. She will go with two friends from the dance studio Alice and Cassie. Cassie and Annie have been best friends and done everything together since preschool. Annie is not the most outgoing or popular but the friends she has are close meaningful friendships. She's proud of herself for what she's accomplished this year and is looking forward to next year and her new adventure.

She's been asking about you again and it's getting harder to have no answers. She wants to know if she looks like you after the discussion of genetics and inheritance patterns in eye color in biology class. She learned that green eyes like hers are rare and have to be inherited from at least one parent. Annie is counting down the days until she can reach out herself; she's getting more curious all the time. In working on some scholarship applications she found the original birth certificate because she needed her adoption papers so has attempted to google you or find you on facebook.

I've included some new photos from her graduation dinner dance and her formal ceremony.

"When you knew I was looking for you why didn't you tell mom I could reach out," Annie asked.

"When I got that letter I was still in Iraq," Teddy replied, "I had no social media I still don't and rarely had internet access. I checked my personal email once or twice a month. I didn't know if I could tell her to give you my information. I wanted to, I really did sweetheart but I didn't know if it was a choice. I had agreed to your 19th birthday. It was still 18 months away. By that point I was counting down. Until I would hear from you. I had this wonderful picture in my head of who you could be but I wanted to know you. At that point I was pretty certain that I just had to be patient and you would come to me. I was afraid to rush it too soon and scare you off. I told myself that if your mom mentioned it again after you turned 18 I would tell her to have you contact me but she didn't mention it again."

"I wish you would have," Annie said.

"So do I," Teddy replied, "I think you might have been ready."

"I wanted to at least see a picture," Annie replied.

"If your mom had asked I would have sent one," Teddy said, "not that I had any good ones or a computer of my own but I would have figured something out. I wouldn't have wanted the first photo to have been me in uniform with my hair in a tight bun."

"That would have been intimidating," Annie said, "I saw scrubs in the first set you emailed me."

"Scrubs and my lab coat were not as intimidating," Teddy acknowledged, "we had talked a few times before I mentioned my time in the army. I didn't want to scare you off."

"I understand that now," Annie said, "the day you showed up in my cardio lecture in uniform I was comfortable but a lot of my classmates were intimidated."

"They were," Teddy smiled at the memory, "all I could see in that lecture was you in the front row, you looked so surprised when I came out I had asked your prof to help me hide until it was time to start lecturing."

"Then you made me wait for the whole class to finish for a hug," Annie complained.

"What was I to do, let you run on stage, hug me and go back to your seat," Teddy asked, "there was some dignity."

"I hadn't seen you in months, it wasn't fair," Annie said.

"I know," Teddy laughed, "I wanted to run down those stairs and hug you and see who the cute boy was."

"Josh," Annie laughed.

"And you said he was just a friend," Teddy laughed.

"Then he was but I wanted more," Annie admitted.

They read through a few more before coming to the last letter.

Oct. 6 2009

Dear Teddy,

This is the last letter. I'm really going to miss the monthly ritual of sitting down with a cup of tea to write to you. Annie turns 19 tomorrow, and in the morning we plan on giving her your name and email. I know she's been thinking about what she would like to say to you. She's ready, she's been ready for a while but at the same time our girl is shy and passive. I think, I hope you'll like her when she reaches out. She's grown so much in the last 19 years from the tiny baby you placed in my arms all smiles and big eyes to a gentle, brilliant young woman. Annie continues to do well in school and is taking extra courses this year trying to finish her undergraduate degree in three years instead of four, she's hoping to start medical school by the time she's 21. Annie is dancing for the UBC team again this year and it continues to be a passion for her. I'm glad she found something outside of school that makes her happy and helps her to connect with other people. She's all grown up now. You have no idea what a precious gift Annie is to our family. She is caring and gentle and her cat gets most of her affection, there's no boyfriend right now she's decided that it's easier with her course load to be single. Annie continues to love the independence of her dorm and being on campus, she's with the same 5 girls this year she was last year but in a newer and larger unit so they all have their own bedrooms.

I'm sitting here writing this reflecting on the last 19 years. From picking up a tiny baby, our miracle, that we had prayed for years for, the little girl that made us a family, the day you called us wanting to know us we had almost given up hope of having children. Then when we met you first for our interview, and interviewing for the job of parents was the hardest most nerve wracking one of my life. Then the call from your mom that Annie had arrived and being told to come meet our daughter. The first year was a wild roller coaster with navigating not only a new baby but the intricacies of adoption. We watched her grow to be an adventurous toddler never happy to be still, always on the move, climbing or getting into something she was our most mischievous with her determination and creative mind. She grew into a studious child with a sense of humor who loved school and learning. But she truly found where she fit and her closest friends in the dance studio. We watched her grow more independent and confident in her abilities into a young woman that is ready to tackle any challenge in front of her. Annie takes on challenges with open arms and aims high.

I'm sure that in the next few weeks you will hear from her. She's already drafted several emails. My sincerest hope is that when you are ready you will write her back and hopefully answer some of the questions she has that only you can answer.

We can never thank you enough for what you did for our family Teddy. We are eternally grateful for the gift of our Annie.

Love,

Leslie and Dan McKellar

"They loved me," Annie said.

"They did," Teddy agreed.

"Right to the end they called me a gift," Annie smiled.

"You are to all of us," Teddy agreed, "that was the hardest letter I ever got. I didn't know if I would ever hear from you again."

"It only took me a week to get the courage to press send," Annie replied, "do you know how scary that was to press send on it to a total stranger and say I've never met you but you gave birth to me."

"That can't have been easy," Teddy agreed, "a lot of letters made me emotional but I sobbed over the last one. Inconsolable body shaking sobs."

"Mama," Annie said, "I was probably writing to you as you read mom's letter."

"I know that now but then I didn't," Teddy said, "I was afraid that would be the last I ever heard about you."

"I'm really happy I was brave enough to press send," Annie said, "that was scary to do that day."

"I am two," Teddy agreed pulling Annie into a hug, " I don't want to imagine what the last 8 years would have been like without my Annie."

"I needed my mama," Annie smiled, "we just didn't know how much we needed each other yet. Thank you for sharing all of the letters with me."

"I planned on doing it when you were ready," Teddy said, "I just needed to make sure it was the right time."

"I think we picked the right time," Annie said, "have you shared any with Uncle Owen?"

"Just my very favourites," Teddy said, "one or two from each year. Your birthday ones are my favourite because she always went over the highlights of your year."

"Those were good," Annie smiled, "I liked when she told stories about me and my friends or my siblings. I really miss Alice and Cassie."

"How are things going with Alice," Teddy asked.

"We've been messaging in whats app," Annie smiled, "Cassie is still mad at how I disappeared when she needed me."

"What happened," Teddy asked.

"This is what I've learned from Alice," Annie said, "the summer between my second and third years of medical school Cassie got pregnant, the guy took off. She has a 5 year old daughter. But she was angry and still is that I never even emailed back. I stopped checking any of my McKellar accounts at that point. I never explained the name change to them then. Cassie and Alice thought I didn't care anymore."

"That would be hard," Teddy said, "I've been in Cassie's shoes. How are you going to reach out?"

"Alice is starting a group chat for the three of us," Annie said, "we're going to all facetime and hopefully I can tell part of that story of why I had to disappear."

"Just be open to their feelings," Teddy directed, "you were all hurting."

"We were," Annie said, "but it was nice to see Alice in Whistler. Better her than Christina."

"Or Beth," Teddy grimaced, "she was awful."

"She looked fake," Annie said, "like she just wanted to cause trouble."

"She wasn't smart enough for that," Teddy laughed.

"Hey," Owen called from the doorway.

"How was your shift," Teddy called back.

"Dull no surgeries came in," Owen complained, "how were your letters?"

"We finished them," Annie said, "up to my 19th birthday."

"I'll share my favourites another time," Teddy said.

"I should go," Annie replied as she stood up, "I'm in the NICU tomorrow so pre rounds at 5:30."

They all said good night at the door before Annie drove off.

"Is she okay," Owen asked.

"That was the last set," Teddy said, "she's fine. Filled in a lot of blanks and I told her a few more stories about our time in Iraq. She had some questions that we talked about. There's some complicated parts of our relationship."

"We should have been writing all her surgical milestones to Leslie and Dan," Owen chuckled.

"We celebrate those with her," Teddy laughed, "they wouldn't get it."

"Are they coming to the wedding," Owen asked.

"They can't make it work for her," Teddy replied, "she's hurt but trying not to show it."

"We'll do what she originally planned," Owen smiled.

"Mama to do the mother of the bride things and Uncle Owen to do all the dad things," Teddy smiled.

"Exactly," Owen said, "but I'm going to shower and go to bed."

"I'll finish tidying and meet you up there," Teddy replied.