DISCLAIMER: ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE.
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It didn't take Natasha long to find him.
Whether that credit could be completely given to her skills as a spy, or whether it was simply because she felt as if she knew Steve a lot better than most people, she wasn't sure. But, she certainly wasn't going to question it now, not when a thousand different thoughts were already crowding her head, and her mind kept going back to those kisses in the shower...
Steve stood outside the safehouse, leaning against the rails with his muscular arms, as he glared out at the forest surrounding them. His gaze was so intent that he didn't hear Natasha approach, but that wasn't all surprising; stealth and stalking had been something she had been taught from a young age.
A little unsure at first, Natasha rested her hand on his shoulder, taking his attention away from the trees, even though she knew they hadn't actually been what he'd been watching. He'd lost himself inside his head again, to the memories that haunted him. She had never been the type of person who would actively try to cheer someone up, but she found that she wanted to be that person for Steve. It felt a little strange, but it wasn't unpleasant, and she just hoped that he wouldn't pull away from her.
What had happened only an hour before meant they had both stepped over the line that had been drawn in front of them for a couple of months now. Knowing that if he stood there and told her that he had made a mistake, and had acted upon how upset he was, she knew that it would shatter her heart in a way that she never allowed anyone to be able to do before, in her entire life.
As her hand rested against him, Steve exhaled, turning to face her. He wanted nothing more - needed nothing more - than to pull her into his embrace and hold her tightly, have her familiar scent surround him. But, they couldn't. Not here. There were too many eyes.
"He will be there, Steve. You know that." She said softly. It broke her to see him like this, and hated that she couldn't really comfort him. She didn't know anything about Bucky Barnes, or their friendship, not really. Words plastered on a museum were nothing like seeing it in real life.
But, she remembered how it felt when she had fought against Clint, when Loki had brainwashed him. It had been one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do. With every hit, punch and kick, she felt as if she was battling with a piece of her own heart.
No doubt, it would be that way for Steve, when he inevitably faced the Winter Soldier. She prayed with everything she had that he would be strong enough to get through it.
His eyes were empty. "I know."
"I know it's hard, but whoever he used to be - the friend he was to you - and the guy he is now, they're not the same person." She willed him to listen, to understand. "If you're insisting on being the one to face him, you also need to be prepared to be the one to stop him."
Her words needed a moment of time to sink in. Steve processed them slowly, feeling the truth behind them cut away at him. He knew that Natasha wasn't trying to upset him, that she was just trying to protect him and open his eyes to the reality of the situation. Being Captain America had meant that Steve had always had a sense of what was wrong and what was right, and he had sworn to protect thsi country and the world against any possible threat.
He just never would have imagined that the threat would be from his best friend.
"I don't know if I can do that." He admitted, his head lowering in defeat.
"Please, just be careful." Regardless of the fact that anyone could have walked out and seen them, Natasha reached up to cup his cheek in her hand, needing the physical contact. Her heart skipped a little in her chest when Steve leaned into the contact, rather than pulling away from it. "Don't risk your own life trying to fix what HYDRA did. The Winter Soldier is programmed to kill you. Just...come back to me, in one piece preferably, Rogers."
There, she laid herself out in front of him, open and vulnerable. He meant more to her than she had ever thought he would, and although she didn't quite know exactly when the shift between them had occurred, she knew that she wouldn't be able to breathe properly until they both walked away from this.
She had fallen over the edge, but Steve would be there to catch her.
He sighed, eyes closing as he leaned into her touch, his hand moving to rest on top of hers, holding it against him. She could practically see the fight draining out of him, feel it seeping from him without any resistance, and it scared her more than she ever thought possible.
"If you fail to do that," She continued, a small grin playing on her lips as she willed herself not to fear the possible outcome of this mess. One that ended with Steve being seriously hurt, or worse. "I'll kill you myself."
At that, he chuckled, and she'd never heard a better sound in her life.
~0~0~0~0~0~
Steve had never had to fight against someone who he cared for. As he had faced the Winter Soldier, every instinct inside him screamed at him to flight back, to hit harder, to move quicker. If Natasha could have seen how he had handled the situation, she probably would have strangled him herself.
But, he just couldn't. Maybe that made him weak, and a fool. But, when Bucky's eyes had stared back at him, all Steve could remember was the memories they had shared; growing up together as young boys and then fighting side by side. Even after the serum and the attention Steve had received, Bucky had treated him no differently. The fear that had gripped him as he'd watched his friend fall from that bridge and disappear into the white wilderness below came rushing back to Steve as they battled on the helicarrier.
"You've known me your whole life." Steve practically pleaded with him onboard that collapsing helicarrier. The two men stood facing one another, both bleeding and worn out. "Your name is James Buchanan Barnes."
Bucky let out an outraged yell before punching him to the ground. Slowly, as every part of his body protested, Steve turned to face the metal-armed man once again.
"I'm not going to fight you." Steve told him, in a voice that showed just how exhausted he was. His shield fell from his hand as he staggered, his vision starting to blacken out around the edges. "You're my friend."
Bucky stood panting just as heavily as Steve, and for just a fleeting second, a flicker of recognition seemed to appear in his light eyes. But, then he growled out, "You're my mission.". Steve was powerless as he was tackled to the ground and punched several times in the face, blood spurting out as his lip was cut.
Then, as Bucky's metal fist raised one more time for another powerful blow, Steve managed to open his eyes, gasping out, "Then finish it, because I'm with you to the end of the line."
The fist froze in the air.
Time slowed right down, as Steve kept eye-contact with the man who had just pummeled him so hard it was a wonder how he was still able to function. But, that same man bore the face of his best friend. That man was his best friend. Bucky was trapped inside, his brain rewired to think and behave how those bastards had wanted him to.
In those few seconds of hesitation, Bucky's breathing slowed down, and his voice came out as a confused whisper, "Steve?"
Before Steve could even react, something above them crashed down, breaking the glass floor beneath him. Bucky's grip on his arm let go completely, and Steve fell through the air. Then, after what felt like a forever of falling, icy water surrounded him.
As bits of debris from the helicarrier sank down into the murky depths with him, Steve's eyes flickered open. Above the surface, the huge outline of the vessel was getting bigger, blurred by the water. Steve's head screamed at him to fight, to get out of the way, but his body was too battered. His fight with Bucky had taken everything out of him, and those final punches had been the icing on the cake.
As he sank further into the depths, a voice found him. Come back to me, preferably in one piece, Rogers.
Natasha.
Those emerald eyes flashed in the forefront of his brain, a spark to them that he had always adored. Her face appeared to him, almost like a dream, with her teasing smirk as she winked at him. He remembered the feeling of his lips against hers, how kissing her felt like he had finally found what he had been missing all these years.
They'd just found their way to each other, and yet he wouldn't be able to keep his word to her.
I'm so sorry, Nat, that was last thought before his eyes closed and he succumbed to the darkness.
~0~0~0~0~0~
As Natasha desperately searched the area below the helicopter for signs of Steve, her heart hammered in her chest, so painfully that she felt as if it would launch from her body entirely.
If you do this, Pierce's words stabbed away at her mind. None of your past is going to remain hidden.
By emptying SHIELD and HYDRA's secrets into the world, she had sacrificed her own past, leaving it out there for anyone to see. But, that was not what terrified her the most. Only one person's opinion on her mattered, but she didn't know if even Steve would be able to look at her the same way again once he discovered what sort of monster she had once been.
Are you sure you're ready for the world to see you, as you truly are?
No, she wasn't ready. She had buried that part of her history away so far that only her nightmares had ever been able to allow it to surface. The shame and the guilt she held for the terrible things she had done would haunt her forever. How foolish she had been to even allow herself the smallest glimpse of hope that someone could truly look at her and not see the darkness that lurked within.
Gripping so tightly onto the side of the helicopter that she was surprised the metal itself didn't bend underneath her fingers, Natasha's eyes scanned the shoreline.
She couldn't remember a time where she had felt so scared before. Fear was an emotion that had been beaten out of her from such a young age. Her line of work was scary, end of. It didn't allow for fear, or doubt, or worry.
Yet here she was, barely about to think straight, whilst the searched for the man who had made his way into her heart, the man who would no doubt want nothing to do with her soon enough.
"I got him!" Sam's voice rang into her earpiece, and she could see the outline of his wings in the distance. "He's alive, but he needs medical, right now! I'm sending the coordinates."
Slumming back into the wall, Natasha threw her head back and refused to allow her tears to fall.
~0~0~0~0~0~
When Steve slowly opened his eyes, his head was pounding.
The light above him was so bright, for a minute, he panicked. But, when his vision focused, he realised it was simply a ceiling light. Then, he heard the beeping noises of hospital machines, and took in the rest of his surroundings. He was lying on a soft bed, with things plugged into his arms, but that wasn't what captured his attention.
On the armchair beside his bed, Natasha was asleep, her head resting on her arms as they lay folded on his bed.
He reached for her, but the movement was too much for his aching body, and he groaned in frustration. The noise, however, caused the red-head to instantly straighten, her wide eyes landing on his face.
"Steve," She breathed out.
He gave her a smile, the best he could manage considering how bad his face hurt. God, Bucky had definitely gotten him good. "Hey, you,"
The tears were unmistakable in her eyes. He'd never seen her cry before. "You almost die, and you think a 'hey, you' isn't going to stop me from throttling you the minute the doctors clear you?" There was no harshness to her voice, instead there was a slight tremble to her words.
The rawness in her voice, the clear shine from the tears in her eyelids, touched his heart. She really cared about him. Yes, they had always been team mates and had each other's back, but it was different now. Personal. Intimate. "I'd expect no less from you." He answered, turning his hand round so his palm was facing up.
With a sigh, Natasha took his hand, her fingers entwining through his, and squeezed it. Through the action, she knew he could feel how her body was still trembling slightly. "I thought you were dead." She whispered. "When Sam found you. You looked dead." She'd almost thrown up and crumpled onto her knees the shore beside him. Only years of maintaining a professional mask had kept her upright, whilst medics swarmed his body.
"I certainly feel worse for wear." Steve said, wanting to reach across and wipe her tears away for her. "I'm here, Nat."
"You almost weren't though. How do you think it felt, watching that damn helicarrier burst into flames when it hit the ground?" She demanded. "I couldn't breathe."
"I'm sorry." He was, he truly was. She'd asked him to be careful, to come back to her in one piece, and he had almost gotten himself killed trying to get his friend back. "I just...I had to try, Nat."
She was silent, but when she softened, he knew she understood. "I get it." She'd done the same with Clint, all those years ago, when Loki had taken over his mind. Refusing to give up on her friend, Natasha had fought with him and willed him to remember. She'd still do the same for Clint, without a second thought. "I just...I was so scared." Wearing her heart on her sleeve was not something that came naturally to her. She hadn't been able to do such a thing since she was a little girl, completely innocent to the cruelty of the world around her. But now, looking down at the bruised face of the man who had managed to show her that it was okay to drop those walls, it felt okay to admit how she felt.
Despite his body protesting, Steve raised their joined hands to kiss hers sweetly, appreciating just how much of a sacrifice it was for her to open up like this. "I would say it's over, but we both know this is only the beginning."
Natasha sighed. "I've been summoned before the Senate subcommittee, for leaking classified information."
Concern instantly flashed through those baby blue eyes of his. "When?"
"This afternoon."
"What are you going to do?"
Her jaw locked, that determined gleam in her eyes that he adored. "I'm not going to prison. None of us are. I'm not going to let that happen."
"So, your plan is to run?"
She shrugged. "All my covers are blown. I'm not going to stand there and beg for forgiveness for what I did, not when it saved thousands and thousands of lives." Even though by exposing SHIELD, she had let all her darkest secrets get thrown out into the open too. "I won't have them question your integrity either, but..." She bit her lip. "Steve, I have to go away for a little while."
Instantly, he stiffened. "I'm coming with you." He said. His voice was strong with conviction, and it broke her a little, because he had no idea what she really was, of the monster who had done such terrible things.
Despite that, a smile played at the corners of her lips, but she shook her head. It would be selfish of her, to stay. To put him in danger. "No, you are not. It's a wonder you didn't die, pulling that stunt with-" She almost said 'The Winter Soldier', but knew it would hurt him. "You need to let your body heal, and you can't entangle yourself with what I've got to do. I've got a lot of enemies out there, Steve, and now they know everything. I...I need to do this. Alone."
Stubbornness was just as strong a personality trait in him as it was in her, so she hadn't expected him to just accept this plan of hers. "Just because you feel like that, doesn't mean it has to be true." He protested. "In a couple of days, I'll be ready to-"
"This is my fight, Steve." She insisted firmly. She had already been in contact with Tony and ensured that Steve had a safe place to stay. No matter what, she couldn't bring him into this. "It's my mess to clean up. I'm going, without you, even if I have to get Sam to come in here and sit on you so I can get away without you trying to follow me."
He snorted, because there was no way that Sam would actually be able to hold him down, and they both knew it. But, as he looked up at the fierce determination shining in her eyes, he sighed in defeat. "How long?"
"I have no idea." She admitted. In her head, she had a plan, but there was no telling how long it would take her to succeed in her mission. Weeks, if she was lucky. But, that was not guaranteed. She just hoped that the same Natasha that she was now would be the one who would return afterwards. "Like I said, I have a lot of enemies."
"And when you are done?" He asked, eyes taking in every detail of her face, as if he was jotting it to memory. That enough was enough to give her the strength to do this; she'd do anything to keep him safe.
"Then, you and I will talk." She promised.
His hand moved to cup her cheek, and she squeaked in surprise when he pulled her face down to his. His kiss was passionate and filled with a desperate desire to show her exactly how he felt for her. Despite herself, Natasha returned the kiss with equal fervor, wanting to commit this feeling to memory. She would need it, when she went to deal with the ghosts of her past.
"I want you in my life, Natasha." He whispered as they broke apart, her forehead resting against his as their breathing returned to normal. "No matter what you have done, or have to do. I'll never stop wanting you."
She trembled at his words, kissing him one last time before sitting back in her chair. He suddenly felt very far away from her. "I know you'll want to find Bucky. That you'll continue to look for him." It had been the first time she had referred to the Winter Soldier by that name, as if he was Steve's friend still. "But I need you to promise me something."
"Anything." He said without missing a beat. He'd do anything for her.
A part of her felt skeptical that Steve would actually be able to resist going after his old friend, but she refused to dwell on that. "Don't go rushing into it. Give yourself some time to heal from what happened, physically and mentally. Super soldier serum aside, you need to give yourself time to process, to prepare yourself for what's coming next." She conditioned. To prepare yourself just in case he is past saving.
He swallowed. "Alright, I can do that."
She believed him - or, at least, she believed that he would at least try.
His hand squeezed hers one last time before letting it go. "Go to your hearing and show them what Natasha Romanoff is made of." He told her softly. "Go do what you have to do, and then come back to me."
Easing that file out of her bag that had felt as if it was burning through the material the entire time, Natasha laid it out beside him. She leaned forward to kiss his forehead softly, before turning on her heels.
With her heart feeling as if it remained in that hospital room with him, Natasha left to face her past one final time.
~0~0~0~0~0~
So, this chapter is the end of the Winter Soldier movie. I've decided that whilst Natasha is away, she is facing whatever she will face in the upcoming Black Widow movie. As that movie hasn't been released yet, I felt it would be more natural for me to add those events in here, rather than later on down the line, as the storyline for this story wouldn't make sense if I added it in later.
Also, although I'll probably explain it again in later chapters, I decided that there is no history between Bucky and Natasha in this film. The movies never touched upon it, and I know in the comics they had a thing, but I've decided to leave it out. I do intend, however, on developing their friendship more than it was shown in the movies, as they are both incredibly important people in Steve's life.
Hope you've enjoyed it so far!