DISCLAIMER: ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE.
The rating of this story has CHANGED from T to M now, due to sexual content. Please bare this warning in mind if you decide to continue reading.
~0~0~0~0~0~
Ever since she had been a little girl, Natasha always thought she knew what hollowness felt like. She thought it was a feeling that had become almost too familiar, too many times. But nothing, nothing of her past, compared to the gut-wrenching feeling of complete failure, and the emptiness that it brought with it.
It had been three long, unbearably days since 'the Snap', since Thanos had wiped out half the population with a single action, as if it had been nothing at all. Even though the remaining Avengers had returned to the facility, Natasha had barely spoken more than a few words each day. Instead, she found herself always at the windows, staring out across a world that now seemed so empty, so cold, so barren. The guilt she felt pressing down on her was enough to make breathing difficult, as if it was crushing her very lungs with each moment that passed.
They had failed.
Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, King T'Challa and Suri...so many were gone. Wanda was gone. Vanished into thin air, as if they had never existed. Only the memories of those who had walked away from that battlefield kept them from disappearing completely. Tony Stark was still missing, possibly gone too. Possibly dead before that Snap had even happened. Peter Parker had gone with him, and Doctor Strange, both now unaccountable for. The raccoon, Rocket, hadn't heard from any of his fellow 'Guardians', and was still angry over losing his best friend, Groot, because of what Thanos had done.
Vision had died, for nothing.
As soon as they had landed, Natasha had phoned Clint, and that aching in her chest had eased only slightly when she heard his voice. Then, he told her what had happened to his family, and then ordered her to never look for him, to never think of him again, before hanging up. I need you to let me go, Tasha. Each word had been an individual shard of ice to her heart. When Natasha had instantly tried to call him back, she'd gotten no answer. After several attempts, each more desperate than the last, she'd come to the conclusion that Clint probably would have smashed his phone within seconds of hanging up on her. Clint was equally as skilled as her at covering tracks, therefore searching for him proved to be in vain. It was as if he too had vanished. Every time that she couldn't find him, it was another stab to her bleeding heart.
The only thing that was keeping her tethered, keeping her held together, was the fact she hadn't lost Steve. Steve, who had practically had to carry her onto the jet, as her mind had caused her body to become pretty much unresponsive from shock and distress. Steve, who had been the very first face she had searched for after the Snap. The relief that had hit her had been so powerful that she had fallen to her knees beside him and held onto him for dear life. But, he didn't leave. Didn't vanish, or fade away. Even though every morning, she would sit bolt upright and glance to her side, to make sure he was still beside her. He always was.
That, however, brought its own wave of guilt that shattered into her. She couldn't help but think of everyone surrounding her that had lost people they loved. Pepper, who had broken down at the news that Tony was still missing. Okoye, who without her King and princess, didn't have that determined glint in her eyes or the stiffness of her jaw that so many admired when she had said goodbye to the Avengers. Rocket, whose grief turned into angry outbursts and snarls. Thor, who had had to watch his own brother be slayed right in front of him.
That guilt ate away at her, every single day, but at night when her thoughts wouldn't let her sleep, she'd watch Steve as he lay beside her. While the sight of him always soothed her, she couldn't help but mark each individual feature, scared that one morning, she'd wake up and find that he too had vanished. Even though his eyes were closed, she knew better than to suspect that her husband was peaceful, that his own mind wasn't racing with a thousand horrible images, reminders of their failure.
Steve had tried to get Natasha to talk to him several times throughout the first few days, but she'd just shaken her head and bit her lower lip to prevent herself from breaking down. The bite was always hard, as she needed physical pain to stop herself from whirling into that storm of darkness and grief that lurked within her. Every single day, that storm pressed further, trying to consume her, and every single day that went passed without a single sign of hope, it got stronger. So strong, that she feared it every time she closed her eyes.
When she stood by the window, the world before her was blurred. Perhaps, if her mind was weak enough, she would be able to convince herself that nothing had changed. The trees were the same. The sky hadn't changed, nor had the sun burning brightly above the facility. From looking at just those things, she could have easily allowed herself to pretend that the world wasn't actually quieter, or emptier, and that this was all just her imagination playing tricks on her. If she really was foolish, she could convince herself that this was all just a terrible, awful dream, and soon enough, she'd wake up and hear Tony's sarcastic tone, or Sam and Bucky squabbling over something pointless.
But, as someone who had always viewed the world as being black and white, it just wasn't possible for her mind to switch off, to stop reminding her time and time again what had happened. To relive that very moment, when she had been trapped under those damn roots, and could only watch as Thanos raised the six infinity stones and wiped out half the planet.
Natasha didn't want to give up. It wasn't in her nature to simply roll over and accept something. However, as every day passed without answers, she was starting to feel herself slip away into that pit of emptiness that years ago, she had fought her way out of.
Lost in her thoughts as she watched the surrounding trees continue to sway in the slight breeze, Natasha almost - almost - jumped when a voice sounded behind her. "Dinner's ready, Nat."
Before all this mess, Steve would have snuck up on her, taking advantage of her rare moment of distraction. His arms would have wrapped around her waist, pulling her back against him as his nose nuzzled against her neck, so he could inhaled her scent. He probably would have kissed her, and therefore they would have forgotten all about the food waiting for them, as they got lost in one another. A time when the only thing that mattered to them was each other.
It felt like a lifetime ago.
Now, it seemed her husband didn't know how to approach her, or just simply didn't want to.
She swallowed, that hollowness inside her feeling heavy "I'll be a minute." The promise was empty, and although her stomach was demanding to be filled, she wasn't interested in whatever dinner was today. Food had lost its taste, and the conversation at the table was always the same; no new information, no signs, no hope.
There was a soft sigh behind her, and perhaps her husband really had admitted defeat against trying to stop her from staring at the windows. She didn't turn to watch as he left the doorway, leaving her to the solitude she'd forced around herself.
For the next few minutes, Natasha just stood there and watched absolutely nothing, waiting for answers that never found her.
~0~0~0~0~0~
Steve had never quite understood how silence could be considered deafening, but now he did. It was the only way he could describe the quietness of the facility, as it housed only half of the Avengers.
He kept himself busy enough, working with Thor and Rocket to scan satellite images in search of wherever Thanos may have retreated to after the Snap. Steve had no idea about space, and it would have blown his mind, if his thoughts weren't crowded with reminders of his missing friends, or his grieving wife.
Banner was endlessly combing through whatever data he could get his hands on, but even the seeming ever-patient doctor seemed to be losing hope. That was clear in the way he'd run his hands through his lengthening hair in frustration, or how he'd always drop the papers down on the desk a little harder than necessary. No one made a comment about it, though.
Rocket couldn't offer them much on Thanos, over than details on his two daughters who had worked alongside the rest of the Guardians, and that Thanos had always had this vision of wiping half the universe in order to cleanse it. Other than that, they had nothing that could suggest where the brute may have gone now that he had succeeded in his twisted plan. The universe was endless, with so many secret folds and hiding laces, that it really was like searching for a needle in a haystack. The world's smallest needle, in the world's biggest haystack.
Still, Steve pushed on. He needed something to focus on, to stop himself from losing track. Even as he stared at the words, pictures and symbols in front of him, his mind flashed with painful memories; Bucky's voice, Sam's carefree laughter, Wanda sobbing over Vision's broken body.
If they could just find Thanos, that would lead them to the stones…
Always at the back of Steve's mind, regardless of however many diagrams and satellite readings he scanned through, was his wife. Natasha was off, in a way that he had never experienced from her. Natasha had always been like fire; burning so brightly even when the rest of them couldn't see a clear path. Now, it was if the world had put out that light, that fierceness that surged through her veins.
Now, she had shut herself down completely. Her skin was grown pale, her eyes had lost that emerald spark, her lips never curled up into even half a smile - not that any of them had smiled recently, but even in private, Natasha was a shell of herself. She just stayed by the windows and watched. Whatever was going on in that head of hers, wasn't something she was willing to share, and Steve's heart was growing heavier by the day.
He looked up from his already half-empty plate as Natasha finally joined them at the dinner table. Her cheekbones seemed sharper, made more prominent by the harsh evening light, but she'd definitely lost weight. Steve felt like the worst husband for letting her get to this point, but he'd tried, so hard at first. But, when you pushed Natasha, all you succeeded in doing was making her withdraw further, past the point of reach. If she wasn't ready to talk, he wasn't going to make her. But, he just hoped that she knew he was there for her, that he understood.
That first night after they had returned, after she had called Barton, she'd crumbled to the floor and cried so loudly that it seemed like even the facility shook. Steve had held her, his shirt soaked from her tears by the time she'd controlled herself enough to stop crying, and had felt utterly helpless. He'd lost Bucky, and Sam and Wanda, and Natasha had lost people who had been her first real family.
Wordlessly, Natasha took her seat at Steve's side, and he wanted nothing more than to reach across and place his hand over hers, or on her thigh, as he always used to. But, he didn't know what she wanted from him, not when she would barely look at him. So, he stayed still, even though his soul was screaming.
Rocket, sat across from them, was explaining several different planets that showed on the visual screen in the centre of the table. He was certainly a useful asset, but it was still slightly strange to be in the company of a talking, heavily sarcastic raccoon. His information was invaluable to them, enabling them to try to find a pattern in Thanos' methods. But, his usefulness did not make his temper any easier to swallow; Rocket was a short-fuse, easily aggravated, and whenever he was asked about his fellow Guardians, his coping mechanism for hiding his sadness was to lash out at anyone within earshot. For a raccoon, he certainly had a colourful extension of vocabulary at his disposal, and had no regard for hurting anyones feelings.
Sat at the end of the table furthest from all of them was Thor. Where Natasha had gone deathly silent, Thor always seemed like a raging ocean, battering and relentless. The Asgardian was always the last to turn in for the night, the last to leave the desk that had endless maps and graphs spread across it. Fuelled by his need for revenge on the man who had killed his brother, Thor never seemed to even sleep.
Steve tried to listen as Rocket finished up his report on the final planet shown on the screen, but when Natasha rose to her feet and hurriedly excused herself, he barely lasted thirty seconds before getting up and going after her.
The sound of running water was enough to help him find his wife, but the sight waiting for him shattered his heart into a thousand tiny pieces.
The shower was running, but Natasha was sat on the cold floor, knees tucked up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them tightly, hugging herself into a tiny ball. Her head was low as the water pounded down on her bare skin, soaking her hair and creating a surrounding of steam. But, no matter the high setting of the water pressure, Steve could still hear her sobs of agony - emotional agony.
Instantly, he entered the spacious shower, not even wasting time on stripping out of his pants and shirt. He knelt in front of her and placed a hand on her knee, the first physical contact they'd had in days.
"Sweetheart, look at me." He whispered, practically pleaded with her. Water struck his cleanly-shaved face. After the battle, he'd taken a razor to his beard in a desperate attempt to rid himself of the stench of alien blood. Even after several showers, he could still feel the sliminess of it, and could remember how it had clung to his skin like a leech.
He wasn't expecting her to actually listen, and he had prepared himself to be greeted with more silence, or to be told to just leave her alone. But, Natasha looked up, and the lost look in her eyes was almost too much for him to bear.
"Today was Lila's birthday."
Lila. Images of that ever-smiling little girl with seemingly never-ending energy, who adored baking and drawing princes and princesses, flashed in Steve's mind. If he concentrated enough, he would have been able to remember how her giggles had sounded. He braced himself against such a memory, not feeling strong enough to hear that noise just yet.
That would explain Natasha's silence over the past few days. What had happened in Wakanda with Thanos had shook all of them to the core, but when Natasha had heard about the Bartons, it had been as if someone had cut away her last hold on hope. The family she had so desperately loved, had protected with her life, had gone. Laura. Cooper. Lila. Nathaniel.
"We're not giving up, Nat." Steve told her softly. As much as he yearned to cup her face in his hands and wipe her tears away, he didn't dare move, in case she flinched away from him.
"I'm sorry." She whimpered, and the tremble in her voice was one that Steve would have never recognised coming from her. "I'm sorry I'm so weak, that I've spent days doing nothing while you're all...it's just...I can't...the pain isn't stopping."
"I know." The only reason he hadn't secluded himself like this was because he'd forced himself to dive into all that data that never made any sense, that left him with the worst headaches. But, when he did get those quiet moments, right before he fell asleep, all he could think of was how frightened Bucky had sounded as his body started to fade away, how Wanda had screamed when that stone had been plucked from Vision's head. Every night, he'd lie in bed and just focus on drawing in the scent of citrus and Natasha that kept him from panicking, and he'd listen to her breathing from the other side of the bed.
Gently, ever so slightly, he grazed his thumb over the skin of her knee. "You don't always have to be the strong one, Nat, the one who faces everything without flinching. It's okay for you to feel like this." And it was. He wasn't lying. How many times had she held her chin up and battled on, regardless of what was eating away at her? "We all have different ways of handling our grief." Thor had his rage, Banner had his way of loosing himself in data, and Rocket had his favourite string of curse words and insults.
"We're all grieving. It's selfish of me to hide away when you are all trying." Natasha shook her head slowly, and he could tell that she was cursing herself, hating herself for letting her emotions control her like this. Even though it was a human reaction. She'd been taught that showing emotions was a weakness, and her training still had hooks inside her. "You lost Bucky, and Sam, and Wanda, and Vision-"
"But I have you," Steve said, and whatever words she had been about to say, which probably would have involved saying that he had lost everyone he cared about too, died in her throat. "Natasha, do you know how scared I was when Thanos got those stones? The only thing I could think about was getting to you. That if it really was the end, that I needed to get to you. If you had disappeared, I...I don't know what I would have done."
Another sob racked her body. "I was so scared, Steve. I couldn't see you, when you fought him. I couldn't get to you..." Her voice trembled with fear so pure that it gutted him. "I had no idea what had happened to you, until you broke those roots off me."
He remembered how panicked her expression had been, how it had broken into such overwhelming relief the second he had pulled that root off her. He remembered how desperate he had been to get to her, how he was determined to reach her before Thanos snapped his fingers. How he'd clawed at that root, enough to make his fingers almost bleed, and how he kept going, despite his whole body hurting.
"We're going to find him, Natasha. No matter how long it takes." He wasn't referring to the rest of the team at that moment. He needed his wife at his side, just as badly as she needed him.
Something changed in her expression, something sharpened her, reminding him of Natasha who had faced the aliens in Wakanda without a hint of fear. Who had snarled right at Promixa Midnight for daring to take one step on their planet. A determined, fierce, proud warrior. His Natasha. "We have to get them back, Steve." She whispered, her eyes never leaving his. "We have to."
Slowly, he reached up and turned off the water. One arm went under her knees, whilst the other braced behind her back as she lifted him up, not caring once about his soggy clothes as he carried her to their bed and placed her down gently. Natasha made a small noise, but Steve quickly discarded his own clothes before crawling under the sheets and pulling her back against him.
When he felt her lean back against his chest, he kissed her hair. "I love you, Natasha. Every single piece of my heart belongs to you." He said gently.
With her head resting underneath his chin, her words were slightly muffled when she replied, "I love you, too. So much." Then, with her nestled into him, they both lost themselves in much needed sleep.
The next morning, Steve panicked when he woke up to find he was alone in the bed. But, when he practically rushed into the large office space and spotted his wife stood over the desk, his heart stopped pounding.
As her emerald eyes locked with his, there was nothing but fierce determination in them. From the coffee cup beside her, she must have already been done here for some time, and she caught him taking in that little piece of information and said, "Well, I have to play catch up."
Wordlessly, he crossed the room, and she leaned up just as he captured her lips in a world-consuming kiss. The first real kiss they had shared since before the battle in Wakanda. Instantly, the weight bearing down on Steve's shoulders was lifted as he melted against her, his hands on her waist to steady him as well as bring her closer. Natasha's fingers weaved into his hair as she returned his kiss, her tongue gliding across his bottom lip before he opened up to her.
Only when someone cleared their throat, did they pull away from each other. "If you're wanting to continue this somewhere, take it back to the bedroom." Rocket snapped, as the raccoon strutted into the office space. "I don't need my diagrams and maps being ruined."
Steve could feel his cheeks heat up slightly, and he wasn't sure if it was just because they had been caught by someone who was practically still a stranger to them, or because the comment had come from a raccoon.
Before he could stutter out a response, Natasha rolled her eyes. We'll continue this later, the look she flashed him promised, and the little smile curling on her lips showed that she seemed to delight in seeing him blushing, just as she always had done.
More than relieved to have his wife back to her fiery self, Steve could shoulder any teasing comments thrown at them. In all honesty, it almost felt familiar, but it reminded them that the owner of this facility, and their former teammate, was still missing.
Giving Natasha's waist a gentle squeeze as he brushed a kiss against her forehead, Steve excused himself, "I'll go make us some breakfast."
"Good, a beneficial use of your time." Rocket remarked.
Sharing a glance with his wife, who just raised an eyebrow in amusement at the snappy raccoon, Steve ducked out the room and headed for the kitchen. As he set to work on breaking the eggs and spilling their contents into a large bowl, Steve couldn't stop himself from smiling softly.
No matter what they were about to face in order to fix what had happened, the fact that Natasha was no longer suffering in silence eased his heart greatly. They would work with their newest team mates, until every single possibility and idea had been exhausted. They would fight, and they would give everything they had, because they were the Avengers.
With his wife at his side, Steve was ready.
~0~0~0~0~0~
The double doors of the facility flew open as Steve was the first to rush out of the building, with Natasha and the others close behind him. Just as Steve's feet hit the grass, the airship came into sight, guided from underneath by a strange glowing figure. After everything that they had faced in the last few weeks, nothing should have come as a surprise, but Steve was slightly taken aback when he got near enough to see that through that bright light was a woman, a human-looking woman.
Any questions he had died on his tongue the second the ramp lowered, revealing Tony Stark. He was barely recognisable now, his clothes dull and creased, his skin pale and malnourished, his body barely strong enough to keep him upright. The billionaire was being supported by an alien, but nothing like those beasts that the Avengers had faced in Wakanda, or Promixa Midnight. In fact, she seemed to be handling Tony with great care, like a friend. Nebula, the one Rocket had talked about. Someone who the raccoon had never referred to as a friend, but whenever he'd spoken about Nebula, there had been admiration in his voice.
Steve could hear Pepper's breath catch in her throat, and without looking, he knew that Natasha had gone still at the sight of the billionaire, now a mere shell of the man they had last seen months ago. The man who had turned to the woman Steve loved more than anything, and intentionally said words to her that had struck deep.
He tried to forget that, forget how much rage he had felt when Natasha had tearfully told him, as he met Tony at the bottom of the ramp and instantly flung the man's arm over his shoulders, taking most of Tony's weight. All that smugness, all that arrogance and pride, seemed to have vanished completely, leaving behind someone who simply did not have the energy to refuse help.
Tony's body felt so frail, as if it would snap from even the smallest amount of pressure. Even his eyes were glassy, almost empty, as he looked at Steve and whispered, "Couldn't stop him," Nebula waited on the steps behind them as Steve helped Iron Man across the grass, at a painstakingly slow pace.
"Neither could I," The weight of failure was still unbearable, even though he wasn't the only one shouldering it.
"Hang on," The words came out breathlessly, as if even getting oxygen to his lungs was a great task for him. Tony Stark looked like a man who had journeyed through hell and back, and hadn't made it out as himself. "I lost the kid."
Peter Parker. Steve tried to ignore the way the news hurt, how it added to pain of failure like the memories of all the others had. Instead, he shaped it into a weapon, another reason why he would give everything he had to fix what had happened.
But, the look of agony on Tony's face was one that Steve had never experienced before. He'd seen Tony Stark cry once, when he had found out the truth about his parents deaths. That memory still haunted Steve, and always would, right up until his last breath, along with the guilt he carried at the fact he had hidden such knowledge in order to protect Bucky.
"Tony, we lost." Steve reminded him. This responsibility was not to be put on one individual. They had all tried, and it hadn't been enough.
Then, a blur of blonde and wide eyes flashed towards them, and Pepper looked ready to burst into tears. "Oh, my God!" She looked as if she was about to launch her arms around Tony, but then seemed to remind herself of his current weak state, so her embrace was so careful that it wouldn't shatter even the thinnest sheet of ice. Steve stepped away to give them their much needed moment.
Without even thinking, Steve moved to stand at Natasha's side, and a heartbeat later, he felt her fingers entwin with his. He took a much needed deep breath, before they all headed inside the facility.
Banner was waiting for them, and helped ease Tony into a wheelchair. Whilst the doctor fiddled with attaching his friend to a drip, the rest of them circled around the table, even the woman. Carol Danvers was her name, and that was all she had told them as they'd entered the room together. Pepper went with Bruce to get a room ready for her husband, constantly glancing over her shoulder as she left, concern and fear shining in her eyes.
As images of the ones they'd lost started to flicker on the screen, Steve's chest tightened. Bucky's face flashing in front of him was like reopening a wound so that it never stopped bleeding. A squeeze of his shoulder brought him back. His wife stood behind him, chin raised, eyes locked on the screen.
"It's been twenty-three days since Thanos came to Earth." Rhodey reported, obviously wanting to give Tony a debrief as soon as possible.
Twenty-three days had felt like a lifetime for all of them.
"World governments are in pieces." Natasha said, as images of T'Challa and Wanda appeared in front of them. "The parts that are still working are trying to take a census and it looks like he did…" Her words faltered when an image of Laura Barton shone in front of her. Steve placed his own hand over hers, keeping her steady just as she had done for him. When she was ready to speak again, he let go slowly. "He did exactly what he said he was gonna do. Thanos wiped out fifty per cent of all living creatures."
Tony's jaw locked. "Where is he now? Where?"
"We don't know." Giving that answer killed Steve, because he wanted nothing more than to be able to tell Tony that they knew exactly where Thanos was, and that they had a plan of action. Not so the billionaire knew they hadn't all given up, but so he could give Tony, and all of them, the hope that they so desperately needed. "He just opened a portal and walked through."
Thor sat in the background, staring at nothing, as if remembering how the brute had slipped through their fingers.
Tony turned to regard the Asgardian, who hadn't said a single word since this meeting started. "What's wrong with him?"
"Oh, he's pissed." Rocket said blatantly. "He thinks he failed. Which, of course, he did, but there's a lot of that going around, isn't there?"
Steve was very much aware of how stiff Natasha had just gotten, as if she was holding herself back from skinning the raccoon alive for saying something so bluntly, something that would hurt all of them. Thor was already suffering enough. But, Rocket hadn't been lying.
"Honestly, until this exact second, I thought you were a Build-A-Bear." Tony remarked, in his usual Tony Stark approach of not taking anything seriously. It seemed that almost a month in space hadn't changed his outlook on life.
Not sure whether he was relieved or not that at least Tony's spirit hadn't been completely ruined by all this, Steve tried to steer them back on track. "We've been hunting Thanos for three weeks now. Deep space scans, and satellites and we got nothing. Tony, you fought him-"
At that, the hurting, weakened billionaire interrupted, "Who told you that? I didn't fight him. No, he wiped my face with a planet while the Bleecker Street magician gave away the stone. That's what happened. There was no fight, because he's not beatable."
Defeat was never something that Steve would have ever linked to Tony Stark, so he tried to stay patient. Tony had been through a lot, and was in worse shape than any of them had been when they'd stepped off the battlefield. "Did he give you any clues, any coordinates, anything?" A stab in the dark, but at this point, anything was worth asking.
Tony made a childish gesture that involved pretending that his brain had just exploded, as if Steve had just asked the most ridiculous question in the universe. "I saw this coming, a few years back. I had a vision. I didn't want to believe it, I thought I was dreaming."
Slowly but surely, Steve's patience was starting to run thin, and it wasn't helping that Tony had acquired this attitude. "Tony, I'm going to need you to focus-"
"And I needed you." Tony said, and Steve fell into silence as the words hit their mark and took their effect. The soldier knew that Tony wasn't just referring to Thanos; but to the secret that had driven this wedge between them in the first place. "As in past tense. That trumps when you need. It's too late, buddy. Sorry." The word held no true remorse, and Tony attempted to get out of his chair. "You know what I need? I need a shave."
On shaking legs, Tony somehow managed to stand up, prying the drip attachments from his arms as if they were nothing, as if they were unimportant. He ignored Rhodey when his friend tried to caution him. "And I believe I remember telling you all, alive and otherwise, that what we needed was a suit of armour around the world. Remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not. That's what we needed."
Of course, despite all the mess that Ultron had brought with it, Tony would fall back on that idea. As if all the rest of them were simply idiots for not believing in him, that given time, Ultron could have been the one to protect them all. When, in real fact, Ultron had almost destroyed the planet they all loved.
"Well, that didn't work out, did it?" Steve bit out, remembering the carnage of Sokovia; Pietro's lifeless body, Wanda's screams that shook the entire city, hundreds of people crying and running for their lives.
Even with sunglasses on, Tony's gaze was filled with anger as he faced the captain. "I said we'd lose. You said, 'We'll do that together, too'. And guess what, Cap? We lost. And you weren't there."
At the accusing tone behind Tony's words, Natasha bristled in warning.
Tony's eyes flickered over her briefly, before returning to fix Steve with another glare. "But that's what we do, right? Our best work after the fact? We're the 'Avengers'. We're the 'Avengers', not the 'Pre-vengers'."
Rhodey stepped towards him, his hands going to steady Tony's elbows. "Okay, you made your point. Just sit down, okay?"
"No, no," Tony's anger fuelled him, even though with every word, he was getting more laboured, more exhausted from simply talking and standing. "Here's my point. You know what? She's great by the way." He pointed directly at the stranger in the room, who'd watched all this unfold without saying a single word.
"Tony, you're sick." Rhodey urged him back to the chair. "Sit down."
Ignoring his friend's advice, Tony continued to ramble to Carol, "We need you. You're new blood. Bunch of tired old mules. I got nothing for you, Cap." He strode forward so he and Steve were practically nose to nose. Steve met his anger with an expression of steel, unyielding.
Another growl sounded from Natasha, this time even more threatening than the one before. "Stand down, Stark." She ordered.
Tony's head snapped towards her. "After all of this, you still stand with him?" Natasha didn't respond, but Steve didn't have to turn his head to know that his wife was glaring at Tony with a raging fire that matched his temper, one that would send most people running out the room. Then, Tony's eyes flickered downwards. "Oh, so you married the guy? Excellent, Red, just excellent."
"Don't talk to her like that." Steve's voice was ice cold.
Tony snorted, shaking his head in disbelief. "I've got nothing for either of you. No clues, no strategies, no options. Zero. Zip. Nada. No trust, liar." That last part was spat out directly at Steve.
That word struck Steve deep, not that he allowed his face or body language to show it. He never expected Tony to forgive him for the secret he kept, but if he had to go back and do it all again, he probably wouldn't have changed what he did, either. To protect Bucky, there was nothing that Steve wouldn't do.
"Get him to Banner." Natasha instructed Rhodey, with the silent words following, Before I kick his pathetic ass right here and now.
Then, Tony reached up to his chest and prized the arc reactor from it. There was a sound similar to breaking glass as it parted from his body, and it was cold as Tony shoved it into Steve's hand. "Here, take this You find him, you put that on, you hide-" The last word barely made it out before Tony collapsed onto his knees.
Instantly, Steve knelt down and caught the man's shoulder, preventing him from slumming to the ground entirely. A noise behind him showed that even Natasha had moved forward, but it was Rhodey who helped ease Tony up and settle him back in the chair. With a regretful look towards the two Avengers, Rhodey wheeled him to where Banner and Pepper would be waiting.
Silence fell in the room, even Rocket hadn't muttered out a single remark. Steve turned to his wife, who gave him a small, firm nod. Then, Carol Danvers spoke out, her voice dry and unamused as she commented, "Well, that went well."
Natasha raised her chin. "Tell us your story." It was a challenge, a task to see whether Carol would even tell them, because if she didn't, they couldn't trust her. But, the woman complied, and soon they were listening to each word about Carol's past; space, her powers, her friendship with Nick Fury who had never so much as mentioned her name in passing.
By the time she was finished, Steve's head felt ready to explode.
Half an hour later, and they were all standing outside the room where Tony Stark was being seen by Bruce. Steve paced back and forth, fully aware that Natasha watched his every step, but she didn't once try to get him to stop.
Only when Rhodey joined them, did Steve stop moving. "Bruce gave him a sedative." Rhodey told them, sounding tired. "He's probably going to be out for the rest of the day."
"You guys take care of him, and I'll bring him a Xorrian elixir when I come back." Carol decided, already striding out of the room. Her walk was exactly like Natasha's; powerful, confident, untouchable.
"Where are you going?" Steve asked in confusion. They hadn't even started forming a plan yet.
The answer that came back was definitely surprising to all of them, "To kill Thanos."
Exchanging a glance with each other, Steve and Natasha were hot on her heels. "Hey," Natasha called after her, causing the blonde to stop and turn round. The two women regarded each other; two women who could probably have made good friends, had situations been different. "You know, we usually work as a team here and uh, between you and I, morales are a little fragile."
Steve came to a stop at Natasha's side. "We realise up there is more your territory, but this is our fight too."
"You even know where he is?" Rhodey demanded from the doorway.
"I know people who might." She said, although it was pretty clear that she had no idea where to start. Even for someone as familiar as space as she was, there were thousands of planets. How could one person possibly search all of them?
A fourth voice entered the room, from someone who hadn't spoken a single word since arriving. Nebula stepped inside, her arms folded over her chest. "Don't bother. I can tell you where Thanos is." Perhaps, after spending so much time with Tony, she had adapted a certain flare for dramatics, because she didn't say a single word after that. Instead, she simply led them back to the large office room, where countless papers were spread across the table.
They filed in slowly, ready to hear whatever Thanos' adopted daughter could give them. Nebula moved to the window, and looked so lost in her own thoughts that no one dared to press her to speak.
When she was ready, her voice sounded distant, as if she was still somewhere in her own head, living through her memories. "Thanos spent a long time trying to perfect me. And when he worked, he talked about his Great Plan. Even disassembled, I wanted to please him. I asked, where would we go once his plan was complete? And his answer was always the same." She stepped across the room to look down at the desk, and when she did, the light reflected on the several parts of metal that covered her body, replacing the parts of her that Thanos had removed and changed. "To the Garden."
Rhodey snorted. "That's cute. Thanos has a retirement plan."
"So, where is he?" Steve asked, moving to stand beside Nebula just as Rocket sprang onto the table, starting up the digital image screen in centre. It showed a planet, their own planet.
"When Thanos snapped his fingers," Rocket began. "Earth became ground zero for a power surge of ridiculously cosmic proportions. No ones ever seen anything like it." As he spoke, rays of colour surged from Earth like beacons, disappearing out into the endless sea of space surrounding the planet. Then, the image moved, flashing through the emptiness until a new planet appeared. "Until two days ago, on this planet."
"Thanos is there." Nebula confirmed darkly.
Natasha leaned closer, the amber light from the screen lighting her face, sharpening her determined features. "He used the stones again."
"Hey, hey, hey," Banner, always the voice of caution and reason, spoke up from where he hovered by the doorway, so he could keep one eye on Tony at all times. "We'd be going in shorthanded, you know?"
They all were aware of that, but none of them had any other option.
"He's still got the stones." Rhodey reminded them. As long as Thanos had those stones, this wouldn't be over.
"So, let's get them." Carol declared confidently. "Use them to bring everyone back."
"Just like that?" Banner did nothing to hide how unsure he was about this plan.
Steve didn't once remove his eyes from that strange planet in front of them. Space truly was something that had always interested him, simply just because of how vast it was. A thousands lifetimes wouldn't have allowed him the chance to explore all of it, and until now, he'd never imagined he was about to embark on a mission that would send him to an unfamiliar, alien planet. "Yeah, just like that." It was a plan. One filled with danger, but a plan nonetheless. Looking across to his wife, he could see she felt the exact same way.
"Even if there's a small chance that we can undo this," Natasha said, carefully trying not to get ahead of herself. "I mean, we owe it to everyone who's not in this room to try."
"If we do this, how do we know it's gonna end any differently than it did before?" Banner asked, glancing over his shoulder to where their weakened teammate was.
"Because before, you didn't have me." Carol said firmly.
Rhodey cuffed. "Hey, new girl? Everybody in this room is about that superhero life, and if you don't mind me asking, where the hell have you been all this time?" A valid point, considering none of them had ever heard of her, not even from Director Fury himself. Fury, who was another name to add to the list of those not stood in this room.
Carol fixed him with a steady, cool glare. "There are a lot of other planets in the universe. And unfortunately, they didn't have you guys." That was her offer to keeping the peace, of working together.
Thor, who had sat at the table eating, stood up slowly. He regarded the newbie in the room, and when he lifted his hand and his new hammer flew into it, barely leaving Carol an inch of room, the woman didn't even flinch. Clearly passing the test, as Thor commented, "I like this one."
Steve turned back to the image in front of them. Somewhere on that planet, hid the brute that had created all this mess. He looked up to Natasha, whose eyes were gleaming at the challenge ahead of them. Not with ignorance, or confidence, but in shere determination to fix what had happened.
Strength returned to Steve, and he dipped his head to her. "Let's go get this son of a bitch."
~0~0~0~0~0~
The spaceship was completely different from SHIELD quinjets in so many ways, not just in the massive size of it. Natasha had admired it as they approached, at the sleekness and shimmer of the bodywork, to the spacious compartment inside. What was probably the strangest thing to get her head around though, was the fact that Natasha wasn't the pilot, and that the one in charge of steering them out of this atmosphere and into space was a raccoon.
Still, Rocket was a very skilled pilot, and had them out into the endless darkness within moments. "Okay," He said, once the ship was coasting along. He looked over his shoulder at them all from his seat at the front, next to Danvers. "Who here hasn't been to space?"
Natasha, Steve and Rhodey all raised their hands.
No one missed the amused glint in Rocket's eyes, or the little chuckle from Carol. "You better not throw up on my ship."
That was the only warning they received before Nebula declared the approach of a 'jump', and the spaceship was hurtling forwards at a speed so blinding that Natasha felt her stomach rush up to her mouth. It was an effort to not actually hurl. If she had eaten anything that day, she probably would have already broken Rocket's first order.
She glanced to her side, where her husband was gripping the arms of his seat.
Then, a thousand different colours flashed in front of them as the ship powered too quickly for anything to make sense. Natasha was momentarily hypnotised by the display outside the ship, and it was only her concentration on not throwing up that stopped her from feeling faint.
Suddenly, it all stopped, as they were propelled through the jump. The ship slowed quickly, and Natasha sagged back in her seat in relief. Space travel certainly wasn't for her.
Carol left the ship, going ahead to scout the planet, just in case Thanos had back-up. They all waited, holding their breaths unconsciously, and Natasha's entire body was prickled with adrenaline.
Before they had left, Steve had grabbed her arm and pushed them both into an empty office. He'd kissed her, and then rested his forehead against hers to whisper, "We're going to find him, Natasha."
She'd looked up at him, into those blue eyes that she had gotten lost in countless times, and smiled. "I think it's going to be a race to see who can end the bastard first." At that, Steve had chuckled. "But, don't do anything reckless, Rogers, or I'll kill you myself."
He'd kissed her forehead gently before promising, "Nothing reckless,"
Now, she looked at him and took in the stiffness to his jaw, and could see the tiny muscle in his cheek jumping as they waited for Carol to return. She saw him check this compass, softening ever so slightly, and what Natasha saw was enough to make her pause.
His compass was something that Steve had always had with him. She'd seen it countless times when they first started going on missions together, but had never put together that the picture of the woman inside it had been Peggy, not until they'd gone into that bunker where Zola had been waiting. Now though, it wasn't the black and white photo of Peggy Carter that stared back at him, but a small graphite drawing of Natasha.
"This is going to work, Steve." She mumbled gently, removing her eyes from the compass to look at his face. His features relaxed when he looked up at her, and he probably knew that she'd seen the image in the compass. Later, once all this was over, she'd thank him for it, and let him know just how much it meant to her. Not because her face had replaced Peggy's, but simply because he always looked at the compass whenever he felt lost, and knowing that her face was enough for him to seek steadiness and comfort from meant everything.
"I know it will, because I don't know what I'm going to do if it doesn't, Nat." His grip on the arm of the seat only got tighter once their new ally returned and stated that it was only Thanos, and then Rocket was guiding them down onto the planet.
The Garden was a fitting name. Natasha had been expecting a barren wasteland, completely torched and destroyed. But, this planet seemed to bloom with life, with thick grass and strange looking fruit growing everywhere. If it wasn't for the situation behind them all being here right now, she probably would have admitted that it was quite beautiful here.
Quite beautiful, if it wasn't housing the bastard that had wiped half of existence off the face of the universe without so much as blinking.
She wasn't quite sure what she was expecting really, but a shabby looking shack certainly wasn't what she'd guessed Thanos to be lounging in. Perhaps, she thought the evil mad-man had created himself a palace to bask in, surrounded by luxury after he had succeeded in his twisted mission. The little hut in front of her certainly was pathetic, and something nearby smelt like it had died. Wrinkling her nose in disgust, she took a step closer to Steve.
Carol struck first, bursting into that magnificent flaming light of hers. She struck into the shack, and they could all hear Thanos's large body get thrown to the ground, and his grunt of pain. By the time Steve and Natasha stepped inside, Carol had Thanos in a headlock, and Rhodey and Banner - who had brought along the Hulk suit - had his arms pinned.
Within seconds, Thor appeared, striking down with his hammer and severing Thanos' arm from his body. The gauntlet fell to the ground with a sickening thud, and even Rocket seemed to shiver at the now useless limb.
Thanos continued to groan, in either pain or anger, as Rocket turned the gauntlet over, and all of their hopes were crushed instantly. The stones were gone.
Heart clenching in her chest, Natasha could only wordlessly stare at her husband, who looked equally as defeated and outraged at the sight before them. She remained close behind him as Steve moved to stand directly in front of Thanos. "Where are they?" His voice was deadly.
When Thanos did not respond, Carol tightened her grip, demanding that he answered the question. The brute hissed under his breath.
"The universe required correction." Thanks stated. "After that, the stones served no purpose beyond temptation."
"You murdered trillions!" Banner's shout sounded from his suit, and then Thanos was shoved to the ground, Carol darting out the way just in time to avoid being crushed.
Thanos hit the ground with a thud, but didn't snap up onto his feet in a defence pose, he didn't so much as make a sound as he lay there, breathing heavily. Then, after what felt like a lifetime, he shifted himself up slightly and said, "You should be grateful."
Natasha had to bite her tongue to stop herself from hissing at that statement. Rage boiled through her, hot as liquid fire, but she had to keep herself in check, otherwise she'd do something stupid. Nothing reckless, she'd promised Steve. With great effort, she managed to ask, "Where are the stones?"
When Thanos looked at her, it was as if his eyes saw nothing. This pathetic mass of purple before them was nothing compared to the mighty warrior who had shown up in Wakanda. "Gone. Reduced to atoms."
Tears burned at her eyes, and her hands clenched into fists, so hard that the nails dug painfully into the palms, enough to make them almost bleed. Steve sent her a look, silently communicating, Breathe, Nat.
"You used them two days ago!" Banner, who clearly wasn't doing any better at controlling his temper, shouted.
Thanos stared up at all of them blankly. "I used the stones to destroy the stones. It nearly killed me."
Gone. Natasha tried not to open herself up to that horror that threatened to overwhelm her. If the stones were gone, they didn't stand a chance at fixing this mess, at bringing everyone make. She tried desperately to keep breathing.
Everyone else seemed to have frozen, in a mixture of shock and anger at what Thanos had done.
"The work is done." Thanos stated, still crumbled on the floor beside them. He'd gotten what he had wanted, but at what price? The life he lived now certainly wasn't a life worth living. "It always will be. I am inevitable."
Rhodey shook his head in disbelief. "We have to tear this place apart. He has to be lying!"
Standing in the corner so still that she almost blended away into the shadows, Nebula spoke up, "My father is many things. A liar is not one of them."
Thanos turned his attention to her, to whom he had taken from a planet a long time ago and wielded into a weapon. "Thank you, daughter." At his words, Nebula's head lowered. Not in a nod, not in acknowledgement at his gratitude. In shame. "Perhaps, I treated you too harshly..."
Suddenly, Thor let out an outraged cry as he struck with the hammer, but this time, he sliced Thanos' head straight from his neck. Nebula did not even flinch. In fact, she was the only one who didn't move a single muscle. The rest of them jumped slightly, staring at Thor with shock on all their faces. Natasha's heart was pounding so hard in her chest that she was surprised no one had overheard it and made a comment.
"What did you do?" Rocket asked, taking a few steps back from the useless gauntlet on the ground.
Thor stared down at the headless lump in front of them, breathing heavily. His words came out as in a hushed tone, as if he was only just catching up with exactly what he had just done. "I went for the head." Came his reply, echoing what Thanos had taunted him with in Wakanda, right before the Snap.
Shaking. Natasha's entire body was trembling, and the longer she stayed in that shack and looked down at that empty gauntlet, the closer she felt to crying. Seconds after Thor left, she rushed outside, collapsing down onto her knees as she started to wretch. Not at the sight of Thanos' head rolling across the ground. Never at that. But at the fact that there was no fixing what had been done. That she would never see Lila's smile, or hear Laura's voice, or get to embarrass Cooper with hugs, or hold Nathaniel so tightly ever again.
That Bucky Barnes would never walk this world as a free man. That Sam Wilson had left his normal life and gotten involved in all this mess because Steve and Natasha had gone to him when they needed help, needed somewhere safe, and had discovered the Falcon. That Wanda Maximoff would never get to find who she truly was.
That so many others would never come back.
Steve was at her side in a second, a hand on her shoulder. "Sweetheart," He mumbled, but they both knew that nothing he said, nothing he did, could change what had been done.
For a second time, they had failed.
That feeling of hollowness was back, but amplified so much now that it crippled her. She turned and buried her head against Steve's chest, feeling his strong arms wrap around her and pull her impossibly close. As soon as she was in his arms, the tightness in her chest loosened its grip slightly, enough that oxygen could find its way back to her lungs, and her racing heart could start to slow down. Steve's hand stroked her back, but she could feel his own body trembling, and knew that tears would be wetting her hair. She breathed in him as her own arms drew around his back.
They remained there for as long as they both needed, whilst the others slowly started to make their way make to their ship. Only when she could hear nothing but Steve's heartbeat against her ear, did she ask, "What are we going to do, Steve?" The words came out in a heartbroken whimper, and when she pulled back to look at her husband, his face showed his answer before his voice met her ears.
The sigh of defeat that escaped his lips shattered her heart as he pressed a kiss to her temple softly.
"I don't know, Nat." He admitted, nuzzling against the side of her neck. Within seconds, tears touched her skin. "I don't know."
~0~0~0~0~0~
Okay, this is by far the longest chapter, if not in length then definitely in word count! But I just didn't think there was a suitable time to cut it off than right at the end, after they find Thanos.
I'm sorry if it was a bit too long, but I couldn't not add in all the scenes, and I wanted to add in some little details; like how they acted in the meetings, and the especially the compass.
To clarify; Natasha never gave up at the start, but she had never experienced such a loss before, so she secluded herself because she didn't want to add to Steve's own grief. With help from each other, they were able to look for Thanos with clarity, and work together as they are always strongest when they do that.
- E x