Chapter 1 – A Different Direction

"We all just pretend to like you", Santana's words had cut deep into Rachel's heart. She thought she had found a family in the Glee Club, people who did like her – or at least, tolerate her – and her abrasive only-child diva persona. But the truth was that it was all in her head. They just pretended to like her. Noah was the only one who tried to protest. All the others stood idle. They agreed. She was only good for solos and competitions, and they only put up with her because she was their winning wild card. How could she be stupid enough to believe otherwise? They barely hang out with her outside of Glee and High School – even when Finn was her boyfriend, he'd limit their interactions to a minimum and would be ashamed of publically being with her.

Well, at least he would not have to think about it anymore, she snorted. He broke up with her for one single kiss she immediately told him about, a mistake she's made out of spite, out of despair also. He had outright lied to her while he had countless occasions to tell her the truth. But he remained quiet. She stayed with him during months, oblivious to his dirty secret. She sat with her for months, put up with her aggressiveness, her digs at her looks, her physique, for the sake for the team, for months. Hell, she sat with them all while they knew. All of them knew, and no one ever said a word to her. They did not even tolerate her enough to tell her a truth about her love life.

Then it flooded back to her. "You talk too much and usually about yourself." How could she date someone who told her this? Had she stooped so low, felt so desperate that she gave into him? Where was that proud girl with the high self-esteem? On a break. But Rachel decided in that very instant, while she was sitting in her bedroom, she would come back – and never leave. She would be the old Rachel, full of confidence, with high standards – even if it meant she would be alone, for a little while.

Her mind had opened the Pandora Box of memories she had buried deep, and it would not stop there. Rachel Berry had excellent memory. The little sentences came flowing. "I just want to punch you in the face every time you talk" Quin had told her. "She wants me to set myself on fire" Noah had said once, not knowing she was behind the door, listening to it. "I am more talented than you", Brittany chipped in. "I don't tell you're annoying, no offence" Artie commented. "Don't force me to hit you" Mercedes interjected. The list could go on and on. Even Mr. Schuester had not spared her. "You're a lousy sport." Not to mention the horrendous names. "Man-hands", "Stubbers", "Ru Paul" and so forth. And the others remained silent, did not defend her. Not once. Even the new kid, Sam, had not once taken her defense while she could swear the saw him rocking his body – his very attractive body – to the songs she was belting during Glee rehearsals.

It's all coming back to her now. Yes, she was dramatic that way, always speaking with lyrics songs that would sometime better express what she was feeling on the spot. She had refused to hear all of this, to take it into account. But there it was. They all pretended to like her. It was all a charade. Her decision was taken. She needed to shift her approach and do what is best for her. She would still take dancing, acting and singing lessons and continue volunteering. Very few people knew that Rachel did volunteer, they all thought that when she referred to her "busy schedule" all she was doing was sing, dance, do sports and everything Broadway-related. But the reality is that she had picked up helping others at the tutoring club at McKinley, she had helped Ms. Puckerman with Hospital activities for children and offered free singing lessons at the community center in town. None of them knew. Not even Noah. He was not interested. They used to be friends once, when they were kids. But that ship has long sailed and ended like the Titanic the day he threw that first slushy at her. The only one who knew was Jesse, her ex. She wondered for a brief instant how he was doing in Los Angeles – his skin must be gorgeous with that California tan. He found out only because her fathers asked her about the Hospital once, when they were having dinner.

She would not renounce her absolute dream to become a Broadway legend, never. But nor did she need the Glee Club. She was talented, she knew that, she could feel it course in her vein. But she had more than sheer talent. She was determined – stubbornly determined – and a hard worker. She knew she could do it on her own. When none of them – except Kurt, with whom she became friends – called her or even wished her "happy new year", she knew what she had to do.

The first practice after Christmas, she went straight to Mr. Schuester, he seemed bored at the idea of hearing her ramble once again. Her heart ached: "Mr. Schuester, sir, I have an announcement to make, if you don't mind." He nodded, not even gracing her with an answer.

She stood there, in the heart of the Choir Room – for the last time, she thought. This simple realization hit her and she almost backtracked on what she was about to do. But she could not. It was better for everyone, better for her. To stop pretending. She looked around, Finn was staring at her with a mixture of disgust and… longing? That when he was not openly drooling over Quin Fabray, who, in turn, was sending him flirty looks while giggling at what her nerdy boyfriend was telling her in his ear. Then there was Santana and Brittany, probably bitching about someone – most likely her. Tina threw her one of those dirty slouches she mastered better than anyone. Then Santana exclaimed: "Get it over with already, Berry – whatever solo you have prepared over the break." All the others snickered at that, when they did not outright giggle.

"Right. I prepared no solos. At least not today" she began, her mouth getting slightly dry as she struggled to organize her thoughts. It seemed pretty clear to her when she rehearsed in her room, acting as if it were nothing. But even her was not that good of an actress to pretend as if it what she was going about to say did not hurt – even if a little. She took a deep breath and continued. "No, actually what happened before the break led me to think about the club, about…"

"Here we go again," Mercedes said out loud, her eyes rolling. Everyone laughed. That's when Rachel snapped, decided that she should leave all scruples aside. "I am quitting." When she said those words, everyone looked at her in stupefaction. "Rachel, what do you mean you're qutting," Will asked her, worried. He could not believe his lead singer would storm out, again. He wanted to believe she would come back. But something in her voice told him that if let her walk out this time, she would never come back. Ever. He felt it to his very core. She was poised, her voice calm, measured, quiet but firm, devoid of any drama or theatrics as compared to the previous times she's done it.

"Thanks for asking, Mr. Schuester. Please let me clarify. I went home after Sectionals, and realized that Santana was right. Nobody her likes me. You like my voice, you too, Mr. Schuester." She refused to refer to him by his nickname, "Mr. Schue." That was for glee-clubbers only, and she was about to cease to be one. "And I want to express my deepest gratitude to Santana for having the courage to state out loud the feeling everyone had bottled up about me. Apart from Noah who weakly tried to defend me, probably because he was afraid I would tell his mother at Temple, no one objected. And, why would you? It was the common truth you all knew about. Just like you all knew about Santana and Finn's motel affair. On both, you decided to conceal the truth from me. You had to protect your friend, Finn. I never was your friend. I realize that now. As much as I love this club and what we do here, I cannot stay in a place I am not wanted."

"Rachel…" Finn breathed, he seemed utterly heartbroken – or confused, it was hard to know with him.

"No, Finn. There is not a word that will ever make me change my mind. The reality is if it weren't for my talent, half of this club would still be throwing slushies at me. But not to worry, you are capable of winning without me. Quinn has a lovely voice, a unique sweetness I wish I had. Tina has alto qualities no one can rival with. Mercedes can sing every song that exists on this planet. Bar none. Santana showed us, showed you all, that you could perfectly win without me. Santana, your rendition of Valerie was breathtaking. Really. You rock jazz like no other. And of course, my dancing albeit good, is miles away from Mike's or Brittany's. With Sam joining this year, the male capabilities only got greater. He is a great addition to Finn's, Noah's and Artie's voices. All of this to say, you don't need me, and even if you did, quite frankly, it would not be enough."

The room went silent. Puck wanted to speak to her, but he knew her. She had that look in her eyes once, when she told him she would tell their elementary teacher that it was not his fault he could not get the book she asked, and that she could share his if she wanted to. That gleam. He recognized it, and he knew there was nothing – absolutely nothing anyone could do to make her renounce her decision. Yet, he tried. "Rachel, please, can we speak for a second? Just the two of us?" Finn glared at him when he asked.

"We can speak later Noah. Although as I understood, we were never friends, so I am not sure what you want to say. But sure." Puck physically recoiled when she used the words he had used on the bleachers, last year, when she was breaking up with him. They used to be friends. "One last thing. I never pretended. I liked each and every one of you, sincerely. If you need any help from me, I'm not going anywhere – at least for now – so please don't hesitate. And best of luck for Regionals, and Nationals ultimately."

As she finished her speech, she exhaled one last time, went to the chair she briefly claimed at the beginning of the session and grabbed her bag. Quietly. She felt in harmony with her decision. She did not regret it one bit. She felt the eyes of her ex-fellow glee-clubbers bore on her back, but she stood still. They all saw here depart calmly, her steps confident, not rushed. There was theatricality, of course, there would be – but this time around, it lied in the delicate gestures she had in picking up her bag, in walking, in closing the door behind her. Once she was out of sight, the Glee Club erupted.

"What are supposed to do without our lead singer Mr. Schue?" Tina asked, worried. Even the Unholy Trinity seemed taken aback. Then, Noah stood up and marched to Finn. "This is all your fault, you've treated her like crap from the beginning. Telling her to change her looks, her outfits, breaking up with her like she was worth nothing…"

"Of course, this had nothing to do with you kissing my girlfriend. Again" Finn said, bolting out of his chair. The two jocks went back and forth, Mr. Schue trying as much as he could to avoid the physical fight. "It was actually our fault, all of us," Sam said quietly. "I don't know her very well, but everyone told me she was annoying, so I guess they must've been right. And sure, Rachel can be overbearing but we all have our flaws. We just weren't able to accept hers and now she's gone. That's as simple as this." Sam had never told anyone, but he admired Rachel. She had a goal and had that ability to never deviate from it, let herself get distracted. Of course, there was her voice. He wanted to get to know her better, actually it was among his new year's resolution. Now, she was gone.

That night, when Finn got home, he was dejected. His mother asked him what was going on while they were eating dinner together. Kurt had returned from Dalton because he finished classes early that day. "What's wrong honey? You've barely touched your steak", Carol asked, worried that her son got into troubles. "It is nothing mom. Not to worry. It's just that Rachel quit Glee Club, and it's never going to be the same." Finn looked around, his mother was shocked. Kurt, on the other hand, seemed unsurprised. He kept eating, his sight focused on his plate. That's when it struck Finn. "You knew," he murmured looking at his step-brother.

"I did," Kurt said, darting his eyes in Finn's as if he dared him to say anything.

"You knew, and you did not tell me."

"Why would I? It was not my place, Finn."

"Because I love her. Because her and I are endgame and that we are supposed to be Finn and Rachel, Glee leads."

"I would review my plans. I don't think she's coming back. Neither to Glee, nor to you."