Chapter 2 – The Tutoring
Finn woke up feeling like throwing up, his discussion with Kurt did not go well yesterday. After his stepbrother had left the table, he followed him in his room: "What do you mean she's not coming back to Glee?" Finn asked, dumbfounded. What do you mean she's not coming back to me? We love each other. I love her. Kurt perfectly understood the subtext to Finn's question, but he decided not to push him, at least not tonight. So, he played along.
"Well, you guys hurt her. You all focused on what was worse in Rachel. Arguably, I can understand why. But you know, I got to see a whole different side of her when I faced all those troubles with Karofsky. She is the one who stood by me, probably the only one really. Not to mention Sam." Kurt still could not completely forgive Finn for sitting quiet, letting him get bullied, even after the singing, the wedding and the apologies, Finn had shown that when push comes to shove, he'd worry about popularity and football before he would worry about others. In that regard, Rachel and he were complete opposites.
"Kurt, I said I was sorry, I did not know…" Finn tried, before being interrupted. "That he threatened to kill me. Yup, got the memo. Rachel had no idea either, just for the record. Anyway, going back to the point. She understood she was not wanted in the club. I mean, she was as a singer – you'd be crazy not to want her, I think I could even convince the Warblers to make an exception on their no-girl policy for her – but as a person, she understood she had no one left in there when everything unfolded in the green room. And another trait you should know about Rachel, her pride has no boundaries, and well, she felt she only had one decision to take. So, she did. Frankly? As her friend, I encouraged it."
"That gives the Warblers free pass, doesn't it? Us losing our best singer" by far, Finn wanted to add. But he abstained, he did not want to show how much her leaving had affected him, well beyond Glee affairs.
"I haven't looked at it that way, but yes. It sure does. But honestly Finn, it was not the reason. When none of you said they actually liked her, she just felt that being there in Glee club was pointless. I mean, the whole point was to build something together, as unit and well, you made it clear that she was not part of it. Hell, we made it clear. I have my fair share in that. Although I did not know her back in the day. Truly know her. She is kindhearted. Overbearing, sure. But she is the most caring person I've ever met…"
"Yes, right" Finn exhaled, exasperated. "I dated her, remember? I know she can be. But she can also go on kissing your best friend and break your heart." Kurt was not going to re-litigate that with his idiotic stepbrother, he already had told him his two cents on that. "Well, then nothing to discuss. I mean, she's out of your way. You'll only have to cope with her in Spanish class. She'll be out of your way. You'll be able to get over quicker, and get back with Quinn or Santana, or whoever."
Kurt had left the room, and all Finn was able to do, was think about that conversation. Kurt had been wrong. When he stepped in Spanish class this morning he tried to locate Rachel, to no avail. Mr. Schue seemed dejected, he motioned for Finn to get closer to his desk. "She's gone." Finn's heart skipped a beat, or ten. "Rachel, she has transferred to AP Spanish. She said it was the only class she wasn't an AP, and that it would look better on her college application. The reality is that I think she's trying to put as much distance as she can between herself and Club." Finn could only nod and joined his seat. Sure, Rachel was an ace at school and he knew she only stayed in Regular Spanish to be with him and the rest of the people taking the class. Puck looked at him questioningly when he sat beside him. "Rachel switched Spanish classes. She's in AP." Puck had a weird look on his face, he looked, distraught. Finn had never looked at that expression on Puck's face in almost a decade-long friendship. He then wondered whether Rachel and himself were an item. He did not dare to ask. He broke up with Rachel, and made Puck promise to leave her alone. Now that he thought of it, Puck was not the most reliable in that best friend's girlfriend thing – understatement of the year – so he finally had to ask. "Are you and Rachel…" "No." The answer was flat, left no room for discussion.
Sam Evans was not cool. He pretended to be. When he got home, he would get into his comics world, and get to actually be the dork he is. He was lucky Quinn Fabray would give him the time of the day, let alone date him. So, he had to act cool, to please her. That is why, he could not tell his friends where he headed after class. He lied, saying he needed to tend to his sister, Stacey. Instead, there he was, at the tutoring club. He wanted to make his parents proud, and for that, needed to up his grades, especially in English where his grades were absolutely lackluster. He tried, hard but those dudes in old book spoke weird, and he had a tendency to mix up these complicated syllables one with another. The tutoring might help, he thought. He entered and the manager showed him to a room where a tutor was free for the next hour and a half.
"Hello, sorry to interrupt, I am here for English tutoring, I've been told to come here, I am…" he began, then the girl with the chestnut hair and strawberry scent – what? It was lingering in the air – shot her head off of the book she was reading and shot him a megawatt smile he had seen before. "Rachel? What are you doing here? I thought you'd be…" He did not think where she would be, probably dancing or singing off somewhere.
"At singing and dancing lessons?" she said, chuckling. "Well, yes. I will, that's why I'll need to leave in about an hour. But until then, what can I do for you Samuel?" She had a softer smile on her face, not that mega-watt she initially had. This one seemed sincerer, more touching also, it is as if she let him see a part of her, the part that hurts. Of course, she would hurt, Sam thought. We have been awfult to her.
"Rachel, you don't have to do this. I mean, after what happened with Glee and everything. I can just swing by later and get tutoring from someone else."
"Don't worry, Samuel. I knew when I took on tutoring last year that I would not always run into people I liked or who liked me. I mean, the second part is not that complicated, not too many like me. I tutored Karfosky once, if you must know. Anyway, you're here for a reason. So Am I. So, let's get to it, shall we?" Sam remained speechless. She was willing to help him, she told them so during her long speech in the Choir Room. Then he felt a pang at his heart, remembering that she basically compared his visit to Karofsky's.
Sam must say that Rachel was an outstanding tutor. She was patient, considerate, gave him pointers to understanding more easily concepts of literature and even accepted to lend him her flash cards, as she's taken the same class with the same teacher, the previous year. When the tutoring session came to an end, he thought fifteen minutes had passed. He got to see another side of Rachel. He saw that determination, that grit that was so annoying in Glee, he saw it all now but it translated into determination that he understood and succeeded. She was no quitter. In every sense of the term. That was ironic – he had learned all about irony during their tutoring session – since she literally "quit" Glee, her words, but he knew she did not quit her Broadway dreams. He wished he knew how to dream so big. Maybe she could teach him during another tutoring session?
"Samuel, I apologize profusely but the tutoring session has come to an end. Here is how it works. Either you were satisfied with our initial session and wish to pursue or common work, or you feel like you would benefit from a different approach and you can reschedule to have a different student tutor you…"
"No!" he screamed, fearing that she would walk away from him. For some reason, he wanted to have her around and since this was not going to be at Glee for the foreseeable future, it had to be tutoring. Plus, she was very good at it. "What I meant is that I enjoyed working with you, very much so Rachel, and I would like it if we could keep up the good work. If that is okay with you?"
"Sure is, Samuel. I teach people equally – I do not select and I do not expect anything from them except doing their best during tutoring and in class, but that goes without saying." Rachel needed to make sure that he understood that this was not a friendship offer. I mean, she always thought Sam was a nice guy, but she did not want him to believe that she was desperate enough to use tutoring as a means to getting friends. She tutors a lot of people at school, and most of them enjoy the progress they make under her watch – but that is it. She did not develop any friendship with them.
"Great, I'll go make the necessary appointments. Thank you, Rachel," he said, sending her a small smile. As he was walking back to the main desk, she called on him: "Samuel, wait. I need to tell you something, but I want you to hear what I say attentively and understand that what I am suggesting, all I am suggesting is for your own good. I don't want you to take anything personally. Because it is nothing personal." There it was, Sam thought, she found out I am dumb. "You're not dumb" she said, with a fond laugh. "I think you said that out loud. No, you are not dumb. You are actually very clever and committed, I am sure you'll achieve whatever your set you mind on." No one had ever believed in him, even his parents had given up on him and pushed for him to be as good at football as possible.
"However," Rachel spoke again. She cleared her voice: "However, I think I know why you're struggling a bit with English. I think that is because you may suffer for mild dyslexia. Nothing severe that would hamper your life, but it would explain your learning difficulties, in particular when it comes to languages. Therefore, I suggest I try to have a speech therapist come to our next session together, so that you can meet and work on some solutions that might help you."
Sam was at loss of words. Dyselxic? He'd never thought about it. He always assumed he was stupid, because everybody did. But there was Rachel Berry telling him he might actually be dyslexic, and that she wanted to help him. "Why not? I mean I'd have to think about it. Maybe I can mention it to the main desk when I've made up my mind?" Rachel looked at him, she understood it was something he needed to come to terms with, she did not want to push him. Instead, she just said: "of course, or just text me. I'll be able to set it up more easily myself. I believe you have my number."
Sam shook his head, his cheeks turning red. She had given him her number with a full smile on during his first day at Glee. She said it was because she was captain, well co-captain with Finn, and that he might need to get in touch at some point. He had deleted her number, because he thought she was weird. He didn't delete Finn's number. After the hour he's spent with her, he felt awful. Rachel was able to see the wheels turning in his head, and she got it. Why would Sam Evans, hottest boy at McKinley, football stud, popular beyond popularity, dating head cheerleader Quinn Fabray, keep her number and take the risk of getting caught with "Rachel Berry" on his phone? She gave him another smile, outright sad and understanding at the same time. Sam wanted to dig himself into a hole and disappear forever when he saw the pain in her eyes. It lasted just for a few seconds, she quickly regrouped, put her walls back up and said, in a neutral tone – almost neutral, he could perceive the slight shake in her voice: "Very well, in that case, yes, just contact the tutoring main desk and they will let me know and coordinate with me to make the necessary arrangements. I'll see you in three days? Have a nice day, Samuel."
"Rachel…" But she was already gone, her head held high, her beautiful neck – beautiful neck? You are with Quinn, hot Quinn Fabray – on full display. He ran after her in the hallways, "Rachel, please wait." She turned to him, her eyes darting around. "I must leave Samuel, and so should you. You don't want to be seen with me in the hallways." Sam did not fully comprehend. "Why is that?", he asked.
"I am a freak, a pariah. You're a football player. I'll go through the backdoor entrance and will leave you take the main one. It's better that way. Hopefully, not one would have witnessed this small interaction between us. I'll see you at tutoring, Samuel."
It's Sam, he thought. But before he could say or do anything, she took a left – or was it a right? Yes, he was dyslexic, he'd just realized that. Certainly, he was both dumb and dyslexic. Great. No question he was dumb, otherwise he would have seen before that all Rachel ever tried to do, was to belong. Like he tried to. The only difference? She did while remaining true to herself whilst he had to change pretty much anything about himself in public. If anything, she was braver than him, braver than any of them. That alone showed that she would be going places. And now, they – the Glee Club – we, had pushed her out of the place where she could be herself and live her passion at the fullest. Yes, he was dumb.
He was also dumb because it took a tutoring session, a single hour, with her alone, to figure out that she was a caring, loving girl, sweet and determined. God only knew how talented she was, and she knew it. If she was a guy, he thought, she'd be considered cool and ambitious, but women with a dream, with an ambition always had it harder. He had a little sister, Stacey, and he would be damned if anyone would ever stand in the way of her dreams. Yet, that is exactly what he had done to Rachel – not willingly, but by taking part in berating her, by sitting silent while their fellow Glee-clubbers took out their frustration on her. Hell, even his girlfriend did and Rachel did not deserve it.
Yes, he was dumb.