Chapter 5 – Baby Steps

"What the hell did you do?"

Puck looked at Sam with narrowed eyes, the blonde dude had never showed any interest in Rachel, why was he all of a sudden worried about what went on between him and Rachel? "Why do you care, you barely know Rachel." It was true, Sam had just arrived and his girlfriend painted him the picture of a selfish self-centered brat that was not worth getting to know. One study session with her had proven him wrong. There was something intriguing about her, she could be very sweet, kind, generous, caring and at the same unapologetically determined, focused. She was an excellent actress, she'd be hurt but would also see glimpse of that hurt before composing herself back and plastering her signature smile. Sam had not even realized he noticed all those things about Rachel, not to mention he actually liked them. "I just saw her getting out of her crying, and I see you here, almost crying too."

Puck went on telling him about everything, how Rachel and he were best friends when they were kids, how he messed it up because of his messed-up feelings about his own father, how her fathers stayed in his corner despite everything, how he threw the first slushie at her, how he wanted to reconnect with her, how she said she forgave him but could not forget and would not welcome him back with open arms, how she told him he did not deserve her. Sam listened carefully and was in awe of how articulate Rachel had been through it all, and how much guilt she could trigger in someone – especially someone like Puck, who isn't known for doing feelings – by just treating them with kindness and wearing her heart on her sleeve, letting everyone know how she felt in a very natural way. "Well, she is right dude. I am even surprised she agreed to talk to you in the first place."

"Sam, I know she is right. I don't even know what came onto me to try and suggest we could go back to where we were. I lost her, and it is all my fault. But seeing her with Ma yesterday, it did something to my insides, it brought me back to when I was kid and Rachel and I would spend all our days together at hers or mine. We just blend so well, at least, we used to."

"Do you have feelings for Rachel?" For some reason, Sam asked the question but was not entirely genuine about it, he feared Puck's answer. He didn't know why. Probably because Rachel belongs with his friend Finn, and Puck doesn't relationships, he would only break Rachel's heart. Yes, that's why.

"I don't know? Maybe. I don't know. Honestly, there was a time where I saw myself with her, but I was barely 10. So, it could just be a reminiscence of childhood. I just know I want her by my side. But, I could very well have feelings for her, yes. I mean, look at her, look at how she handles herself, at how beautiful she is. Who wouldn't have feelings for her?"

The question was rhetorical, so Sam thought he'd better leave it unanswered. It was clear that Puck was confused about his feelings for Rachel, but something was quite telling, he called her beautiful, not "hot" as he would refer to any other girl, but beautiful. That's what Sam thought of Quinn, that she was beautiful – and he loved Quinn. But there was no denying that Rachel Berry was beautiful, in a way that is so… Rachel Berry. Of course, she had those endless legs, every guy noticed that about her, she had those chestnut locks that circled her face, and her big brown eyes, he got lost in them already more than once when she was tutoring him. Not to mention her voice, when Rachel sings, there is nothing anymore happening in the world – it is as if the planet stopped for her solo. Can it Evans, you're with Quinn Fabray, beautiful, head cheerleader Quinn Fabray.

"Rachel said something about taking responsibility. She thinks I have by letting her go. But, I'm not done yet. I have an idea," Puck said, trying to make sense of Rachel's word on responsibility and adulthood. "I gotta run Evans, but thanks for listening. Oh, and remember, you have Quinn to worry about. She'd lose it if she lost another boyfriend to Rachel Berry," he said, winking. Before Sam could say anything, Puck had already left the café leaving Sam dumbfounded by his friend's last joke at him – it was a joke, right?

The next day at school, Sam was looking forward to a good day. It started with him peeking into the auditorium to hear Rachel sing her heart out on "Total Eclipse of the Heart." It filled his heart and mind with good vibes. However, that did not last for long. The rumors about Quinn cheating on him were insistent over the last few days, but he had decided to ignore it, he had given a promise ring to Quinn, this sure meant something. It had to. Until it did not. Apparently, Mercedes had seen Finn and Quinn making out in the auditorium. When he decided to confront Finn, he denied it with a smug look on his face – the very same Finn that he saw earlier in the day pinning over Rachel Berry in the hallways. Hypocrite. Yet, Quinn was not as good of a liar.

"Who told you? Was it RuPaul?" Sam snapped at his (ex-?)girlfriend insulting Rachel and what did Rachel have to do with that anyway. "Her name is Rachel, and I'll have you know she is a very sweet girl. No, it wasn't her. Everyone is talking about it. Everyone. Don't play dumb with me. I know you, Quinn. Finn is Quarterback again, he's won the big game, he is a lock for Prom King and you want that crown and are ready for everything to get it, including throwing me under the bus."

Quinn did not answer to that, she at least had the decency to look ashamed. "I loved you Quinn. I really did. Not for your popularity, but for you." He was heartbroken, but needed to regroup fast. He had tutoring session with Rachel and it would be the first step towards really turning his academic record around. As he was entering the tutoring center, he saw Rachel in a conversation with Tina – he did not know these two were on speaking terms. Maybe she still cared about Glee Club and would decide to come back? He hoped so. The reality is that the club was slowly losing his drive. Rachel Berry was its main drive, and now that she's gone – well, that was it.

"Good day to you Samuel," she said with a soft smile and a soothing hand on forearm. As she touched him, he felt electricity on his arm and shivers up to his shoulders. He thought it was some physical reaction – maybe he should ask Rachel about it later, she was an ace at physics as well. "Mr. Robson is here for your first session. I'll sit on the side of course, and will assist as much as I can. But today, it'll be mostly you both doing the heavy lifting." She then guided him to the small study room where a tall middle-aged man was awaiting, sited in his chair.

That session was longer than the previous one and was particularly heard. Sam had to focus every minute of it, but he had begun to understand the nature and extent of his disability and Mr. Robson was great at providing him with tips to overcome his difficulties. The speech therapist had given him exercises to do every day before going to bed, and had asked Rachel to monitor his progress and provide the both of them with feedback. "Sam, this first session was very beneficial. I think we are going to overcome this, together. I have faith. I'll see once every two weeks, I think it should be sufficient. In the meantime, Rachel here will alert me if she thinks we should revisit this arrangement. Don't worry, Rachel and I helped another student with comparable problems, and they are now in great shape. I think they stopped tutoring a couple of weeks earlier, actually. Isn't it right Rachel." She nodded. As Mr. Robson left the room, Rachel walked towards Sam and patted his back in encouragement.

"We are going to get there Samuel, not to worry. You were fantastic today. I am proud of you." Sam felt exhausted, he was an emotional mess and Rachel's words were just too much. The trust she put in him, the belief that he could overcome this, I don't deserve it, he thought. The efforts she displayed to help him, while he barely spoke to her before. I don't deserve it. That sentence from his discussion the day before with Puck didn't leave him. All of a sudden, he burst into tears right before his tutor.

"Samuel, I am incredibly sorry for what happened with Quinn," Rachel said, as she couldn't help but feel compassion for the blonde athlete that was sitting there, and that done right by his girlfriend, every step of the way. She felt the urge to do something for him, so she blurted the next words without thinking: "Samuel, do you want to talk about it?"

He shot his head back to her, looking at her through his tears. Here was this petite brunette, extending a hand to him – both metaphorically and physically as she took his hand into hers or rather the opposite seeing the differences in size. "Rachel, you don't have to do this, I mean…" She cut him waving her other hand before his face. "I want to, it's been a hard day for you and we all need support. You cannot turn to Finn for obvious reasons, and Noah, well, I am not sure he would be the best to dissect this. Well, there is Michael obviously or Artie – but I thought that maybe…" Rachel stopped rambling when she saw Sam laugh quietly between two sobs. "It's fine, Rachel. Thank you, for the support."

"It's my pleasure, Samuel. Why don't you go freshen up a bit – and let's meet in ten minutes by Lima Bean. Not inside though, I'll take you somewhere else." He nodded and went to the bathroom where he saw Finn washing his hands. Finn couldn't look him in the eyes, he saw Sam's puffy red eyes and part of him felt guilty to make his friend go through heartbreak. He had given in Quinn's shenanigans because he thought it would make him stop hurting about his break up with Rachel and her leaving the Glee Club. As he tried to approach Sam, the blonde shot back: "Save it. We have nothing to say to each other. I don't have time anyway, Rachel is expecting me."

Rachel. Finn was dumbfounded, angry and jealous. He didn't know why Rachel would be waiting on Sam, they were not friends, they were barely on speaking terms. Why was Sam getting to spend time with Rachel, and not him? Rachel was his. They were it, and this period was just a detour before find their way back to each other. Unless? No, Rachel was not moving on, she couldn't be. She loved him, he could see the longing in her eyes when he went to talk to her that morning after she saw him making out with Quinn in the auditorium. He saw the hurt, she was heartbroken that he'd moved on with someone else. That must've meant something. Surely.

Later that day, Sam was nearby a small river, sitting on a green grass with Rachel Berry by his side. He'd never been in that side of town, and it was gorgeous. No wonder Rachel liked hanging out here. However, he did not know why she brought him here. "Rachel, what are we doing here?"

"This is my safe heaven, my secret place. Each time I feel distraught or upset or sad, I come here to reflect, to take a leap out of reality. The surroundings are just breathtaking, and I like to feel like I am just a tiny piece in a bigger, wider world – granted that yes, I am tiny as Noah always told me when I was younger. But yes, I wanted to share that with you and I thought it would do you good. The fresh air, the river, the green grass…"

"Rachel, why are you so nice to me? I mean, I've been awful to you, sat idle when the others were tearing you apart at Glee Club, believed Quinn and everything she told me about you. I didn't give you a chance – and for that I am truly sorry. But, why are you so nice to me?" I don't deserve you, he wanted to add but that would be going too far by the Puckerman's Playbook.

"Because I wish someone was there for me when I needed it. That is as simple as it is. And because you and I, are, at core, we're the two sides of the same coin. Me, the eternal outcast, the outcast who will never fit in, and you, the new kid doing his best to fit in."

He was shocked at her words, at how she was able to read right through him with such ease and sum up the struggle of his life, in a phrase – not even a sentence. "That was quite an analysis Miss Berry," he said chuckling. "But more seriously Rachel, thank you. It is nice to have someone around, and I wanted to say I am sorry for erasing your phone number, it's just… I…"

"Quinn," Rachel finished for him. "I understand, she was your girlfriend. You had no reasons to believe her when she was telling you I was horrible. Maybe she was right. But what I want to tell you Samuel, is that you did nothing wrong, absolutely nothing. You were faithful to Quinn, you tended to her needs, you were caring and loving, considerate, thoughtful. I could see you when we were in Glee Club together. And that promise ring thing for which everyone berated you? Well, I actually thought it was really cute. This is not your fault. Finn and Quinn tend to gravitate towards each other, and systematically bring the worst in each other. It'll probably end up in another dramatic breakup involving me moving on with someone else, Finn not willing to let go of me and henceforth losing interest in Quinn and pursuing me. But as I told him, I'm done with that. I'm worth better than him and his confidence issues. I know what's going in your mind right now, I have been there, and let me tell you this. You are good enough. More than good enough, Samuel."

There it was again, the confidence, the trust in him. In very simple words, which wasn't exactly Rachel Berry. But, there he had it, the confidence boost. He understood more and more why Puck wanted her around, she is everything you could ask for in a friend. Kind, considerate, nurturing and incredibly smart. She had understood his qualms and doubts in a heartbeat and had found the right words within the same heartbeat. "God, Rachel, how is it that every time you speak, you know exactly what to say to calm someone's doubts and thoughts?"

"Dad is a therapist, maybe I got that from him, who knows? Anyway, I am happy you feel better, at least slightly better. Don't worry, this is our little secret, I won't mention it to anyone else. You'll be able to go back to your popular jock life tomorrow and our worlds will only collide for tutoring, Samuel." Sam looked at her with hurt and anger in his eyes. It had been a long day, so he could snap at her without too much risk.

"Rachel, what's about this? It's the second time you're saying this to me. Enough already. Am I that much of a jerk for you to think I'd be ashamed to be seen with you? I don't care. You hear that? I don't care. Hell, I'll tell everyone we're friends and own to it, because you are one amazing friend. The rests are idiots. So, no more of that? Okay. Oh, and since we're friends, can you please just call me Sam. Only my grandma calls me Samuel."

"My apologies Sam, it is just that I know how much damage I can do for a reputation. I mean, that's probably why my ex was so adamant that the rest of the school doesn't see us together."

"Your ex is a douche, and I'm not your ex, Rachel." As he said these words, he felt his belly tighten. He would never want to be an ex anything to Rachel. They were friends now, and he would not mess it up like Puck did. He would remain a good, loyal friend to Rachel. Maybe even more than a friend? This thought flew by his mind for half a second, before she spoke again.

"In the name of this newly found friendship, I must be honest with you. Mercedes is not the one who found about Quinn and Finn. I did. I saw them in the auditorium earlier today when I was rehearsing. I just, I couldn't gather the courage to tell you. So, I spoke to Mercedes and Kurt, and they came up with this rumor plan. I am incredibly sorry, Samuel – sorry, Sam. I am. I should have told you. But, I couldn't," Rachel's tone in saying this was full of sincerity, he could feel the pain she felt on his behalf, and the confusion, the same washing over her and her antics with respect to the truth.

He looked at her with all the intensity his eyes could muster. "Why?" he whispered, "Why didn't you tell me?" He could forgive her, he had forgiven her the second she said the truth with so much softness in her voice. "Because I did not want to be the one to break your heart."

As she said those words, Sam's eyes could not look anywhere but at her lips, her pulp red kissable lips, and couldn't think about anything else but her voice and the words swirling around him. I did not want to be the one to break your heart. It sounded even more beautiful that when she was singing, and that said something. His brain had stopped working fully, that is the only reason, the unique reason why he moved his head so that his lips were on hers.

An explosion. That is what it was. She had lived fireworks with Finn, he had felt small butterflies with Quinn, but nothing compared to the explosion they both felt when their lips touched. Trouty maybe, but soft and expert lips Rachel thought. None of them deepened the kiss, they were just content in the gentleness of the kiss, in conveying the tenderness they were feeling for each other at that moment.

She was the first one to break the kiss. "Sam, we'd better stop. You just broke up with Quinn. And I am still getting over Finn…"

Sam said nothing and just headed to the car, Rachel behind him. She could feel the anger course through his veins, but decided it would be better to remain quiet.

Finn, why did it always have to go back to that blithering idiot?