Jessica had been in the hospital at Grey Sloan for almost four weeks. Annie was ready for them to leave. She almost liked having her parents back in her life but her mom was smothering, pressuring her to rest or eat bringing processed food that Annie either didn't like or was upsetting her often sensitive stomach. Leslie had forgotten that Annie had always been careful about what she ate. But worst of all Leslie seemed to think she could touch Annie's stomach or hug her whenever she saw her. She had told her numerous times to wait to be asked and had swatted Leslie's hands away more times then she could count. Leslie didn't understand the busyness of Annie's days and schedule and expected her to be able to drop everything and sit with her while Jessica slept or had treatments.
Dan who she had had more contact with prior to Jessica being admitted was more respectful of Annie. He asked about her surgeries and was waiting for the day he could sit in the gallery and watch Annie work. Dan had to return home for a few days to make sure his school was running and deal with some problems leaving Annie alone with Leslie.
Having finished her shift Annie sat down beside Leslie, "how did today go?"
"She's slept most of it," Leslie said.
"With the IL2 treatment she's receiving she will," Annie said, "I checked her chart things look good that way. Hopefully discharge to VGH early next week they'll continue the treatment there and Dr Shepard will follow up."
"Annie before we go can you and I have a real talk," Leslie asked, "not popping in at the end of your shift or between paitents or hiding behind Josh and Teddy. You and I. I'd like to clear the air."
"We can but not here," Annie said, "I work here."
Annie thought this might get loud or emotional and she didn't want the scene at work.
"Where can we go," Leslie asked, "I've been here a month and still haven't been to your house or seen your nursery."
"Duncan hasn't moved out yet so the nursery is in boxes in the office and garage. But we ordered the crib, changing table and dresser," Annie said, "when she's here you can come down and see it all finished."
"Can we find somewhere to talk," Leslie asked.
"I know a great place and they have butter tarts," Annie said, "a couple blocks away. We can walk. Meet me in the lobby in 20 minutes. I need to get out of my scrubs."
"I'll say good night to Jessie and meet you," Leslie said.
"Okay," Annie said as she walked away. She didn't know what to think but texted Teddy and Josh with her plan.
Meeting Leslie in the lobby Annie walked a couple feet away just out of bump touching distance. Leslie stepped closer and reached out.
"Mom I'm not in the mood to be touched right now," Annie stated.
"You never are," Leslie complained.
"Only Josh gets a free pass. I'm tired, I'm emotional over a patient, and my back is sore , please let it be. I promise I will let you know when it's a good time," Annie said.
"What happened with your patient," Leslie asked.
"31 week preemie. The due date was the same as mine," Annie said, "this little one makes it though the night I'm fixing her heart tomorrow. It's hard to see them and think that could be my little girl in the incubator or to look the mom in the eye with my bump, she was in my prenatal yoga class I've been going since October and the mom has been there the whole time. I didn't know her well but we were due the same week and could compare notes and symptoms. She only knew me as Grace. She didn't know I'm a surgeon then I showed up to help her premature baby."
"Now you're trying to save her baby," Leslie said.
"Not trying," Annie replied, "our nicu team will. I'm only part of a team. This is what I do, babies with heart defects. I'm usually a lot stronger but today this one hit me hard. She could easily have been friends with my little girl."
"Thank you for telling me," Leslie said, "usually you go to Teddy."
"I've already cried to her as well," Annie admitted, "I have a key to her office and went and cried on her couch."
"It's hard to see you go to her first for mom things," Leslie said.
"Yes we've talked since New Years but mom you were gone from my life for eight years. I didn't see you for eight years. Mama has been there the whole time," Annie said, "for the first three and a bit it was me and mama as a team. We were all each other had. On different continents but we made it work. We talked every day even if it was only for five minutes between classes and surgeries. She always answered and always called back, we knew that to stay connected we had to talk or facetime every day to hear the other person's voice. It's what kept her together after Henry passed, it's what kept me from falling down the rabbit hole of anxiety. Daily open communication. We texted random things that made us smile as we went through our day, I'd send her cool things I was learning in my classes. Not having you and dad was never my choice. I didn't have a say in that. I wanted both. I should have had both."
Leslie nodded, "I wanted that for you two. You should have been able to have that. Is it too late to try now?"
Annie smiled, "we can try. I'd like to try. But I'm still not coming to Vancouver until Jessica is better and has the outbursts under control. She threw things at me yesterday and is still calling me a whore. That's why she was restrained. I ordered it."
"I thought that was to stop with the tumor removal," Leslie said.
"We'll ask Amelia tomorrow," Annie replied, "dad's here after dinner and we're all meeting the whole team. Mama wants to keep her listed as mentally incompetent so you and dad still make the decisions on her behalf. The day of the collapse I shouldn't have been making decisions with out you I should have called."
"Dad and I talked about it,"Leslie said, "we would have deferred to your judgement because you were here and you know. That's what we did when you were 19 and had your surgery. We let Teddy and Owen take the lead because they are the experts. The doctors listened to them as peers."
"Not Peers," Annie replied, "she's one of a very small group of cardio goddesses there's like four that I know of. People come from all over the country for her and dr Pierce. And he's known as the trauma god. Paitents get airlifted from all over Washington for Owen to save. We get patients from Idaho and Oregon for both mama and uncle Owen. Mama and I were in New York at Columbia demonstrating the Altman method two weeks before the collapse. She was teaching at Columbia and I went as her first assistant. The paper is coming out soon it'll make headlines world wide. That's her but I'm the second set of hands. Once I'm a fellow I can start taking the lead and being lead surgeon on it with out her in the OR. That's what I'll have to do for my NICU patient an Altman procedure on a 31 week premie."
"They've been teaching you for the last 4 years," Leslie said.
"It started the first time she invited me down to observe," Annie said, "they started when I was 19."
"Grooming you to follow them," Leslie said.
"As much as I showed interest for," Annie said, "I had been asking her hundreds of questions so it was time to show me and bring me in the OR with them. I was asking for videos I could see I wanted to know more so it was time. If I had been asking about other specialties she would have found mentors for me people to observe with. At 19 and 20 I rotated between all surgical specialties except plastics. Mark Sloan made me a little uncomfortable."
"You were asking," Leslie said.
"I was curious," Annie said, "the first time I stepped into the OR at 19 it just felt right. I was 19 the first time I held a retractor for uncle Owen it terrified me that I would hurt my paitent but he knew I could do it. Mama and uncle Owen knew before I did, so they let me try, they gave me every opportunity to learn and to try. As a med student I was scrubbing in on blast injuries with her in landstuhl, when I saw her in Germany if she went into the OR I went two. I'm doing a valve replacement Thursday. Do you want to watch from the gallery?"
"What am I watching," Leslie asked.
"From the OR gallery the viewing room above the OR. I'm replacing a bicuspid aortic valve on a 14 year old. Very routine I do one a week," Annie said, "I'm fully solo. Mama can be in the gallery with you."
"Fully solo," Leslie asked.
"No attending in the OR. Nearby if needed but it's my Or," Annie said.
"Can I," Leslie asked, "is that allowed?"
"I talked to mama," Annie replied, "she's okay with it and it's her decision. You've never seen me operate."
"It might be a bit gory for me," Leslie said.
"I'll have her bring you in once I've cracked the chest," Annie laughed, "that's the gory part, once i'm in and cauterized the bleeders you'll be fine. It's open heart surgery. I like this stuff. Holding beating hearts giving a child their life back."
"This really makes you happy," Leslie said.
"It does," Annie replied, "the goal is cardio goddess by the time I'm 35."
"Can you do it," Leslie asked.
"I can and have time for my little girl if we do it right," Annie replied, "I can have it all mom if I stay here. My support system is in Seattle, you've barely scratched the surface."
"Teddy, Owen, Josh," Leslie said.
"Meg, Nathan, Nana ," Annie replied, "our friends. We have an unconventional family but it's a family."
They had reached Annie's favourite coffee shop.
"What do you recommend," Leslie asked.
"Chai latte, london fog, hot chocolate," Annie said, "the nanaimo bars are good so are the butter tarts."
"What are you having," Leslie asked, "my treat."
"Mom i've got it," Annie said.
"Annie," Leslie said, "just let me please."
"Decaf chai latte and a butter tart," Annie said.
"Decaf you always have a coffee in your hand," Leslie said.
"Herbal tea," Annie said, "it's the warmth of it, it's calming. I get one cup of normal coffee a day, but I don't drink it everyday. Half the time my travel mug I walk around with is just hot water."
"You gave up coffee," Leslie said, "you were addicted by the time you were 14."
"Not by choice," Annie said, "I started cutting back when we decided we wanted a baby then gave it up when we found out. I'm down to one or two cups of real coffee a week. She doesn't like when I have caffeine she gets really squirly so I save it for night shifts or before surgeries I know are going to be long."
"Should you be operating," Leslie asked.
"I saw the OB today she's not worried," Annie said.
"You didn't mention it," Leslie said.
"Just a quick check up," Annie said, "Josh and I saw her between surgeries."
"Does Josh go to all the appointments," Leslie asked.
"He's missed one because of a trauma but that's to be expected when you're married to a trauma surgeon," Annie laughed.
"I still don't know exactly what they do," Leslie said.
"When people come in having been beaten, stabbed, shot, crushed, wrapped their car around a pole, launched themselves into solid objects for YouTube or tick tock likes, trampled by a horse, major injuries like that they put them back together," Annie explained.
"You've had a couple tramas that I've heard of," Lelsie said.
"Cardica ones," Annie replied, "I only get called if it involves a heart or a kid."
"Are you more specialized then Josh," Leslie asked.
"It's different," Annie replied, "I'm focused on a single system. I do heart and lungs. Josh keeps people alive and looks at the big picture. The trauma surgeon leads all the others in a massive trauma he's the conductor as well as the lead surgeon we're all accountable to him. He decides who does what and the order we go. Usually we stop the bleeding then cardio and neuro go first we need the brain and blood flow established first. Then we do abdominal injury then on to limbs and cosmetics. Plastics if needed go last."
Leslie admitted, "I googled. It looks like when your finished you'll earn more."
"Different specialties," Annie said, "but not as fellows were still training. We can negotiate later. We'll be comfortable. I have to sit down and negotiate my fellowship with mama and I'm not worried about salary as much as the other pieces. I do it right the hospital pays off my student loan and there's a housing allowance we both do it we could buy the house."
"You'll stay in that house," Leslie asked.
"We want to," Annie said, "it's home. It's where our baby girl will come home."
"Do you have a name," Leslie asked for the millionth time.
"Again Josh and I agreed we're not telling until she's here," Annie said, "it's sweet but something she can grow into and will be professional when she's older as well. I choose grace over Annie because dr Annie doesn't inspire much confidence. Grace sounds better. Only mama can rock Teddy and make it sound strong."
They took their drinks and snacks and sat down.
"Mom what did you want to talk about," Annie asked. She just wanted to get to the bottom of why this suddenly mattered so much.
Leslie didn't respond.
"Why now," Annie pressed , "it's not like you had any intention of coming to see us before the collapse. Why now? You haven't been to Seattle the whole time I was here. I get that flying to Boston was expensive or to fly me to BC was expensive but Seattle it's 3 hours to drive to Vancouver. I used to do it after school on a Friday and leave Seattle after dinner Sunday. You knew exactly where I was but you didn't come until Jessica was hurt, until she needed you. I got married and you didn't come. I told you I'm pregnant and you made no move to come. Why for her and not for me?"
"We couldn't Annie," Leslie said, "you've seen how sick she is we couldn't just leave her."
"That's an excuse and I'm not going to hear any more of it," Annie snapped, "it's a lazy excuse that you've used since I was 19. You've had ten years of pushing me away, why the sudden interest now?"
"We wanted you to stay," Leslie said, "you ran and hid behind Teddy. You clung to her the way you should have clung to me."
"Where were you when I was almost beaten to death by Jessica," Annie asked, "Whose bedside did you sit at?"
"Children's didn't give us a choice in her program," Leslie said.
"You didn't tell them you had another sick child," Annie said, "I work in peds. Do you know how flexible peds is to support families. Why didn't you tell them?"
"We were embarrassed," Leslie admitted, "that we as educators had failed our kids so much. You'd feel the same if your daughter needed heart surgery."
"If something happens and my little girl needs surgery I'm fighting tooth and nail for the very best to do it. I'll fly Christina Yang out from Switzerland if she needs heart surgery. If my daughter needs surgery she gets the best of the best," Annie said, "not letting her lay in ICU wondering if I'm going to find 10 minutes to visit that day."
"You were never alone," Leslie said, "you always had someone."
"Not you," Annie said, "I wanted you. But you cared more about my abuser. I needed my parents to fight for me and you didn't. She abused me for years. Why do you think I moved on campus at UBC?"
Leslie replied, "you wanted to go with Cassie and Alice and have the adventure. The same reason you went to Boston something new."
"No mom I was leaving my abuser," Annie said, "she abused me and you enabled it. You were her accomplice by not stopping her. She stabbed me and you made no move to get her help. You let mama stitch me up with only a topical anesthetic lying on the basement floor. Chris and Henry had to hold me down so she could do that. I could feel her tears falling on my back. When I cried myself to sleep that night who stayed with me? Who slept in my bed with me because I was so terrified? Who held me and told me it would be okay when I had nightmares every night for a week after that? Who did I call when I was alone at school and the nightmares were so bad I didn't sleep for days?"
"Teddy," Leslie admitted.
"Where were you? Where was dad," Annie sobbed, "the first time Jessica sent me to the ER for stitches I was 10. Your six year old sent her older sister to the hospital for stitches and you did nothing. It taught me that my body wasn't my own that I didn't have the right to choose what was okay for me and my body. I was 19 before a parent asked if they could hug me. 19 before I knew I had a choice in if people touched me or not because I learned from you and Jessica that my rights to my body didn't matter. But even worse she took away my voice. I couldn't speak up because if I did it got worse. I had no say no voice. I couldn't even choose what we had for dinner on my birthday because it wasn't what she wanted. How old was I the first time I was asked what I wanted for dinner by a parent?"
"Nineteen," Leslie guessed, "when you went to stay with Teddy."
"That's the first time I felt a parent actually listened to me. Someone actually cared about my thoughts and my feelings," Annie cried, "the first time someone saw me for me. I know asking what I want for dinner sounds trivial but it was the first time someone let me use my voice. Not trying to fit me into their cookie cutter but as me. I want you in my life and I want you to know Josh and my daughter but not if it means going backwards. I can't and I won't go backwards. I've worked too hard to go back. You've barely scratched the surface of the life I have built for myself. The family I've chosen to be part of and the people who have made the choice to love me for me. People who see me for who I am, faults and all and love me without a question. Who barely knew me but fought for me because I was family."
Leslie sat in silence stone faced she had never considered Annie's perspective. This shocked her.
"Annie I didn't realize," Leslie said.
"You saw and you didn't care. Mom the bruises, stitches, cuts how did you not know. You're a teacher, you're trained to look for abuse," Annie said, "you should have seen the pattern."
"I didn't want to see it in my own house with my own girls," Leslie said, "by the time I realized how bad it really was you were talking to Teddy. The day I came into that hospital room and you were calling her mama for the first time it hurt. You told me to get out and clung to her. She was the one holding you when you cried and could get you calm in minutes that would have taken me hours. Owen was telling dad and I exactly what he thought and what we should do. Why was he even there?"
"Uncle Owen came because mama needed him," Annie said, "we needed him. He was her person for years before I met her and before they were a couple. He was there because he's family and that's what family does. He had been calling me his niece for months at that point. I was family simply because I was me and her daughter. He knew about me for years before I met her she would share my photos with Owen, Meghan and Nathan. She was always proud of me. She wanted to tell people about me. She trusted them, my aunt and uncles."
"I hear this term person thrown around the hospital a lot," Leslie said, "what does it even mean?"
"Best friends but on a cellular level. It's a person who you are so deeply connected with that they just get you. I've heard dr Pierce call it two halves of the same soul," Annie said.
"Do you have a person," Leslie asked.
"Josh," Annie replied, "usually if it's a male female pair they get married eventually. Me and Josh, mama and uncle Owen, auntie meg and uncle Nathan."
"What about a girl friend you can talk to " Leslie asked.
"Jenna the neuro resident that worked on Jessica is a really good friend, Cassidy who you've met, Julia you've met. My med school roommate and I are still really close but you've never met Steph she's in Tacoma," Annie replied, "I talk most with Cassidy, Jenna and Steph. Steph and her fiancé are coming for dinner this weekend. Josh, Steph and I are all off and her fiancé works for Boeing."
"We don't know your friends," Leslie admitted.
Annie snapped, "you've had chances. You haven't tried to get to know Jenna, Julia or Cassidy since you've been here. You've barely tried to get to know Josh. You hardly try to get to know me now."
"Because it's dr with us," Leslie said, "it's hard to see Jessica's doctors as your friends."
Annie growled, "fuck mom. It was my husband who was her primary trauma surgeon who saved her fucking life, his uncle that repaired her lung. My stepdad was her attending trauma surgeon. My best friend is her neuro resident. The general surgery resident is a close friend. She only got the surgery she did because mamas good friend was willing to try and take that risk. Her trauma surgery only happened because I wrote on her with sharpie and mama confirmed that was me. I put the tube down her throat to help her breath and the chest tube in to drain the fluid kneeling on the ground in a pile of rubble. Do you
Have any idea how hard that was to see her lying on that backboard unable to breath? To cut into your own sisters ribs knowing you had only a topical anesthetic or to put the tube down her throat to breathe? To take the largest needle I had and drain fluid from her chest cavity while kneeling over her trying not to hit her with my stomach? To have to turn her care over to an intern to take back to the hospital because the next paitent coming to me needed me to fully open him up then and there to hold his aorta together and plug a hole in his heart with my finger?"
"I know Annie and you'll never let us forget it," Leslie said.
"You made choices. Mom I asked you to get her help years ago. I made choices to keep myself safe. I begged you to come see me for years. I gave up as an intern. You didn't try until uncle Owen emailed dad. Until something came through with a name other than Altman. I know he called before my wedding and begged you to come. You don't know him well but he doesn't beg, he commands, he tells and demands," Annie said.
"He called you his daughter," Leslie said.
"I know," Annie said, "they call Chris their nephew. Who do you think helped Chris with every application for promotion who was his character reference from outside the Canadian forces for his medevac course."
"Owen and Teddy," Leslie said.
"You haven't been here for me and I had a family who loved me for me. Chris hasn't. He has me," Annie said.
"I'm only just realizing how close you and Chris are," Leslie said, "seeing him stand with you and Josh the day of the surgery. Sitting with your other family instead of us. He stayed with you and came and went as he pleased he has a key."
"I gave him a key, there's a pull out bed on the couch in our office he stays there. You and dad turned your backs on Chris and I when Jessica got sick. We held each other together. We were all each other had," Annie said, "the two weeks we worked together Chris, Josh and I as a team was incredible."
"I heard. I believe your brothers words were bad ass," Leslie said, "how did you explain the connection."
"Anything remotely military we say half siblings. Chris started it just after I changed my name. He left his phone sitting on a table and there were texts from Annie Altman popping up. A couple American officers medical guys that reported to mama saw the last name and asked him about it because the name carried a ton of weight with them. So he said half siblings on the fly. Made it sound like we had the same dad," Annie explained, "confirmed that the American major they were thinking of is my mother."
"He was protecting you and Teddy," Leslie said.
"Yes he always protected me," Annie said.
"How do we start over Annie," Leslie asked.
"Be here," Annie said, "keep calling me come to see us. Get to know Josh and the baby."
"We can try," Leslie said.
"There's no more trying mom," Annie said, "in or out. Stop asking me to visit. I may eventually try to come up to see you when I'm ready and feel safe doing so. I'm not leaving the Seattle area except the cabin trip for Easter weekend until after my daughter is born. We won't go anywhere until my daughter is old enough to travel. The cabin is our exception."
"Why the cabin," Leslie asked.
"Because I travel with five other surgeons," Annie said, "there's a decent hospital close to the cabin if we need it and I no longer have BC medical. The cabin is our retreat it's a home away from home. We're safe and happy there. When we went to the island for our honeymoon we both needed travel insurance. I feel safe at the cabin. It's calm and peaceful. We got married there. Josh and I will go for long walks along the River and we'll all have campfires and roast marshmallows. I'll cook with mama and Meg and nana. Play games and read stories with the littles. I'm teaching Faroke about the trees and animals like dad taught me."
"You dropped your BC medical," Leslie looked shocked.
"I did when I decided I wasn't going back," Annie said, "I was living in Boston it didn't help me. I had good medical coverage between school and mama's plan it covered almost everything. The only thing we had to pay out of pocket was contacts. I haven't lived in BC in 8 years. My career is here. Mom I might come visit but my life is in Seattle."
"What will it take for you to visit," Leslie asked.
"A lot," Annie said bluntly, "rebuild my trust. Stop denying what happened because my medical records show it did. I counted one time going back through it. Not including the beating and subsequent surgery I had 300 stitches from her in an 8 year period, that's on record meaning the 35 mama did on my back aren't counted or the times dad super glued it."
"That many," Leslie asked wide eyed.
"That are in my charts," Annie said, "part of the counselling I did a couple years ago we counted. We went through my chart and looked at the injuries."
"You went to counseling," Leslie asked.
"I've been on and off since I was 19," Annie said.
"And Josh knows all this," Leslie asked.
"He does and I know his story. There's a reason we're not close to his parents," Annie said, "I never wanted away from you and dad. I needed away from Jessica."
"We know that now," Leslie replied, "but at the time you ran to Teddy and it was hard to see. We thought you didn't love us anymore."
"I never stopped trying mom," Annie said, "I thought you forgot about me and didn't love me. Trust me mama and I have had our discussions and yelling matches over the years about how it all happened. We debated my name change, she tried to talk me out of it. She didn't want me to at first. I really had to explain my thought process and why. She convinced me to try it socially for a couple months before I did it legally. We've sat there and cried about everything that's happened. But you don't know the whole story of why she chose you or why she gave me up. That story we talked about it's not hidden. There's nothing in that story I don't know. Some pieces took longer for us to be ready to talk about but I know it all. I've seen my bio dad at a distance but have never talked to him. He was in the hospital a couple years back mama pointed him out but with the history we didn't speak to him uncle Owen and uncle Nathan handled that. You gave up on me. You stopped trying to call you were the parent you chose to adopt me. Allowing Jessica to control you was your choice. You made choices that pushed me away and made me feel worthless. I felt that you couldn't love me that I wasn't worth being loved. That everything that happened was my fault that I deserved what had happened. That I deserved the beatings and the injuries and the threats because I failed. I wasn't a good enough sister or daughter. Her actions, yours and dads made me believe love was earned and fragile that if I wasn't perfect I wasn't worth your time or love. I make a mistake and I still freeze I still expect to be hit or yelled at or sent to my room. I forgot a detail on rounds this morning and I froze waiting for dr Bailey to berate me or to hit me. That will never go away. I learned that I had to do all the work because it's my fault for being alive. I had to prove I was worth keeping. To earn my keep. There's three people that have always accepted me for me with no questions. Mama, uncle Owen and Josh. I don't even know why I'm bothering to tell you all this. You'll just throw it back in my face later when your favorite child manipulates you again. It won't matter tomorrow or a week from now or a month. And we both know you won't come down and see my daughter. So I'm going to say it. Your all in or your all out. No more trying or asking me to be flexible this happens my way, with my boundaries and on my timeline. Your choice in or out."
Leslie could see Annie was upset there were tears streaming down her cheeks and she was doing the same thing with her hand to hide her face she had done as a little girl.
"Annie please don't cry," Leslie begged.
"I'm not trying to," Annie whined, "but I'm not fully in control of my emotions right now. But it doesn't change what I said I mean what I said. I'm angry about what happened."
"I remember this part bear," Leslie said, "what do you need?"
"Josh," Annie whispered, "I need Josh."
"Where is he," Leslie asked, "do you want to call him?"
"Surgery," Annie replied, "I can't call him in surgery again."
"Why not," Leslie asked.
"Crying hormonal wife while your trying to deal with crush injuries isn't helpful," Annie cried.
"What if we called Teddy," Leslie suggested, she realized this may be beyond baby related tears that Annie was actually upset. But at the same time Annie had asked for Josh.
"Can I text mama to meet us," Annie asked, "she knew we were going."
"Text her bear," Leslie said.
Annie texted Teddy, "at the good coffee place with mom starting to get overhwlemend."
Teddy, "what do you need?"
Annie, "Josh but hes still in surgery or space to think."
Teddy, "I can walk down I need a break and good coffee. Use the washroom and collect yourself."
Annie, "come get a coffee and check in? I need to move for a minute anyway, tiny foot on bladder."
Teddy, "I'll grab Meg or Arizona so it doesn't look suspicious. Go to the washroom, collect yourself and stretch."
Annie, "mom knows I'm upset and texting you. I've already been crying. Just blaming the baby for the tears."
Teddy, "take 5 them. Be honest about your emotions with your mom."
Annie, "I will."
Annie turned back to Leslie, "are you okay if I go to the washroom? There's a tiny foot kicking my bladder. And I need a moment to breathe."
Leslie replied, "go so you're more comfortable."
Annie nodded, "I'll be right back."
Leslie noticed that she left her coat and purse, she was planning on coming back but her phone wasn't on the table so she must have it with her.
Annie reappeared, "sorry about that I needed a minute."
Leslie nodded, "it's an emotional day. Having a minute to think was good for me as well."
Annie nodded as she sat down, "sorry I just unloaded on you like that."
Leslie reached for her hand but Annie pulled away.
"Still not in a touching mood," Annie said, "please don't push it right now. I will let you know when I am ready."
"I get jealous," Leslie admitted, "Josh can touch you whenever he wants. You freely hug Teddy and Meghan, even Owen or Nathan but not me. Your brother is allowed in your space but not dad and I."
"Josh is my husband who I trust completely, there's nothing I don't tell him or trust him with other than laundry," Annie said, "but he's shown me he can't be trusted with laundry."
"Laundry," Leslie asked.
"Josh puts everything in the dryer," Annie laughed, "he lost laundry privileges years ago. I do laundry but I never mow the lawn and he now deals with the litter box, I don't think I'll take that back."
"What about the others, why can they hug you," Leslie asked.
"They don't just hug me," Annie said, "they'll ask or wait for me to hug them. Sometimes mama or Meghan will just hug me but they've spent years building my trust."
"Meghan I don't understand when we first met Teddy and Owen they said she was gone," Leslie said.
"Meghan had been captured," Annie explained, "after a certain period of time they said she was presumed dead. Then they miraculously found her and brought her and Faroke who she had adopted over there home."
"Her husband," Leslie asked.
"They met in Med school, Harvard their first week," Annie said, "and Nathan waited for her all those years he never gave up. He waited and prayed."
"How are you more attached and comfortable with all of them in ten years then you were with us in double that," Leslie asked.
"One on one time and they got what I wanted to do," Annie said, "they all push us hard. They are harder on Josh and I than any other resident. But they know us and what we can handle. We're legacy kids that way there's a family name to live up to more for me being her daughter then Josh as the nephew."
"Weird question, all the couples are married but I think I've seen you wear your rings twice. I don't think I've seen Teddy or Meghan wear them at all," Leslie said, "why is that?"
Annie pulled the chain out from where it had slid under her shirt, "I wear my on a chain when I'm working. We can't have them on with patients they get caught on things and tear through gloves. I learned the chain method from Mama. Meghan has hers on a necklace as well. Some women pin them to their top with a safety pin but I feel better with my rings on a chain. The heart pendant on the chain was a gift from Josh for my birthday intern year. I never take this necklace off. Josh's ring is at home in my jewelry box when he's working if he forgets to take it off at home it gets added to my chain so I have both of ours."
"They can't be much older than you," Leslie said, "Teddy was really young when we adopted you."
"She was 21 when I was born," Annie said, " Uncle Owen is 18 years older than me. Yes she's 3 years older than him, Meghan and I are 16 years apart and Nathan is 3 years older than her. Josh and I are 11 months apart. He's mid November but born in 1989."
"I didn't realize you were all so close in age or that Teddy was the oldest," Leslie said.
"With the youngest kids," Annie smiled, "I was 25 when Allison was born and 26 when they adopted Leo."
"This family is confusing," Leslie admitted.
"Not really," Annie said, "mama had me at 21 my bio father's name is Steven, he left when she told him about me. Mama and Uncle Owen met in 2002 in Baghdad, Meghan was her roommate. Thats a funny story for them to tell. Meghan knew about me that spring when mama had pictures you had sent spread out on her bed. Meghan and Nathan were already a couple. "
"I get that part but the kids," Leslie said, "are you kids?"
"Depending on the context sometimes Josh and I are kids, other times it means under 18," Annie said, "biologically we're kids but it's just family time usually and we're adults that way. Although Nana is really babying me right now. She's almost worse than Josh, she thinks I'm a china doll"
"My mom just shows she cares that way," Meghan said, joining the conversation, "Teddy is in line, do you need anything? Annie? Leslie?"
"Water would be great," Annie said, "are you joining us?"
"We thought we would," Meghan replied, "I'm going to get a coffee and your water."
"Thank you," Annie said, "tell mama we're okay."
"I will," Meghan smiled. She thought Annie's body language still looked tense.
Meghan joined Teddy in line ,"she's tense and needs water."
Teddy nodded, "I thought so. She's probably going to want an out soon."
Meghan ageed, "I think she will. Ideas?"
Teddy smiled, "have Nathan call us back once we finish our drinks."
Meghan asked, "Nathan?"
Teddy whispered, "cardio. Gets Annie back to the hospital."
They grabbed their coffees and four glasses of water and sat down with Annie and Leslie.
"How was your afternoon," Teddy asked, taking the seat next to Annie.
"Quiet day at work but good a routine valve and pacemaker," Annie said, "we've had a good talk here."
"Lot's to work out," Leslie admitted, "eight years is a long time."
"I get it," Megahn agreed, "I was gone for almost ten and I had a big adjustment coming home. Annie was a surprise right on the tarmac but she wasn't the biggest surprise when I got home."
"I don't know what Uncle Owen told you. I was told to wait silently at the ambulance and not tell mama what we were doing, until he called for me. Then he did the crazed seal bark of Altman which was my cue," Annie said, "I'm still shocked he used Altman that day and not Annie."
"He told me he had an intern for me for the ride so he could go get mom and I made a stink about them being a doctor for all of 5 minutes. Then he told me this one was interested in trauma and cardio so I teased him about having a teacher's pet. He told me this one was practically family so I asked if he was with their mother. He told me you wish then bellowed Altman. I immediately thought of Teddy then you appeared and you looked just like her and Owen said you were her daughter," Meghan explained.
"Then you demanded a hug and I didn't know you at all," Annie said.
"You really didn't like that," Meghan acknowledged, "Teddy was the queen of huggers so I assumed."
"I explained Annie to you when I got there the next day," Teddy laughed.
"After she jumped on you," Meghan smiled.
"I stopped her from totally jumping," Teddy laughed, "she couldn't take out her baby sister. But that was pretty typical for her to leap at me in an airport."
"You hadn't told anyone yet," Annie said, "you always ran to meet me as well."
"I did. You knew before Owen," Teddy replied.
"Only because I offered you wine you said no and started on some weird tangent then blurted it out," Annie said.
"Not how I had planned on telling you," Teddy said, "you did a better job letting me find the first ultrasound."
"The little bean," Annie smiled, "I know I sent you a copy mom."
"You did but you were 15 weeks by the time you told me," Leslie pointed out, "what are you at now?"
"31," Annie replied, "she's getting big."
"They do that," Teddy smiled.
"She never stops moving," Annie laughed.
"You and Allison were very active," Teddy smiled, "it's good it's a healthy baby."
"Until you lay down to sleep and can see her moving," Annie laughed.
"That was weird," Teddy agreed, "you were worse then your sister."
"I liked it," Leslie said, "but you're feeling good?"
"Most days," Annie said, "my back is starting to get sore if I'm in the OR too long but it's okay for now. I saw Carina today and mentioned it and she's not worried. I see her for a another appointment next week then it's every week until the baby comes."
"Perk of working in the hospital you can make appointments easily," Leslie said.
"And I'm comfortable there," Annie replied.
Teddy's phone buzzed, "it's Nathan. Incoming cardiac trauma Annie we need your hands are you up to it?"
"What is it," Annie asked.
"Horse trampling," Teddy replied, "Owen and Josh will scrub in."
"Time," Annie asked.
"20 out," Teddy replied, "lets go."
"I may need to meet you in the OR," Annie said, "do you need me preop?"
"We can do it," Teddy said, "do what you need to."
"Mom do you want to walk back with us," Annie asked.
"I could spend more time with Jessica," Leslie said.
"You do that. I'm not working tomorrow but I'll come at some point and say hi," Annie said, "I need to do a few things in the morning."
"Anything fun," Leslie asked.
"Haircut and pedicure," Annie laughed.
"Hair cut," Teddy looked shocked.
"Once every six months take the dead ends off," Annie replied, "I might cut more off it's really long right now."
"How short are you thinking," Leslie asked.
"Mid ribs," Annie said, gesturing to where the back of her bra sat.
"The time I surprised you at that conference it was a couple inches shorter than that," Teddy said, " it looked really cute."
"I like my length," Annie said.
"I had mine long until I had both you and Chris," Leslie replied, "your hair has always been so long and thick."
"We'll see I just need the dead ends off and the scalp massage is always a bonus," Annie smiled.
"The scalp massage is the best part," Leslie agreed.
At the hospital they walked towards the OR floor.
"Real trauma or escape," Annie asked.
"Real," Teddy said, "get changed."
"I'm out of scrub tops," Annie whined.
"Grab an extra large," Teddy said, "it works but doesn't look as good."
"I'm going," Annie said, "I think I still have one more pair of scrub pants. I go through way more tops then I do pants."
"Laundry is backed up," Teddy said, "I'm on them about it."
"Or you can order me more tops," Annie hinted.
"They won't get here before your leave," Teddy shook her head, "don't you have 14, I planned for two per day, and you have 7 or 8 pairs of pants."
"Then laundry needs to step it up," Annie said, "my tops seem to disappear."
"I'll tell them," Teddy said, "now go change."
"I'm going," Annie replied.
In the residents locker room Annie saw one of her scrub tops sticking out of a second year's cubby. The girl was standing on the far side of the room refilling her water bottle at the sink.
"Posen why do you have my scrub top," Annie asked.
"It fits better," posen replied.
"No," Annie replied, "the real reason and return it please I'm going into the OR and it's my last clean top."
The junior resident looked at Annie who was giving her a serious look. Posen paused, that looked like the face the chief made when she didn't believe a patient.
"I wanted to see how it looked," posen said, "I'm pregnant."
"How far," Annie asked.
"Ten weeks," posen replied.
"Grab a size up from your normal one," Annie commanded , "let the chief know today and return my top. It's all that fits right now. We're going to have to share tops for a few weeks. They were special ordered for me, she can order more."
"Grace don't tell anyone," posen asked.
"Mikayla, you need to tell the chief for both of your safety. She's pretty understanding she's had two herself," Annie said, "you won't need the bigger scrubs until I'm off or at least out of the OR."
"Okay," posen said, "don't tell anyone."
"It's not my business," Annie said.
"It's an attendings," posen admitted.
"Who," Annie asked, there was a new ENT who was often all over the residents and had even hit on Annie before Christmas. He was older and made Annie uncomfortable with the amount he stared at her chest and the comments he had made about her body before they announced her pregnancy. He had stopped hitting on Annie once he knew.
"Spaulding the new ENT guy," posen replied.
"Tell him then both of you tell the chief she can't stand secrets, nothing makes her more angry," Annie said, "thanks for returning the top. I'm going up to the OR with the chief. I don't mind sharing they belong to the hospital but for the next eight weeks can you check I have one or two clean in my cubby before you take one?"
"Grace," Posen asked, "can you and I talk later? Someone who's going through this. I'll check the tops. I thought you had a couple in your cubby, you always keep clean scrubs."
"I would be happy to after my surgery," Annie smiled, "I need to check in with my mom and sister but I'm actually off after this so I'll text you."
"Thank you," Posen smiled.
"I'll see you after my surgery," Annie smiled walking out of the locker room.
Posen wondered about the large scar on Annie's stomach. It was surgical but clearly older and had healed a long time ago; it wasn't a new surgery that was for sure. She had heard gossip that the chief and her daughter had a complicated history. Some versions she had heard the chief who was very close to her daughter for some reason hadn't had custody when Grace was growing up. But she had seen the chief with all three of her children and wished her mother even spent a quarter of the time with her or knew her even a tenth as well.