Chapter 13 – The Aftermath
Jesse and Rachel drove in silence to the after-party that was being organized at Santana's, with mostly the Glee kids, and a few jocks and cheerleads. Rachel wondered for a second why she was invited to begin with. He had waited for her after he got kicked out of Prom. She was not at Glee, she had made her peace with that and was certainly a cheerleader or a jock. Neither was Jesse. Although he was a college boy, which for high school crowd, was enough to guarantee you invitation to any party. She got invited by Puck the other day. "Rach, you'll be coming to Santana's party, right?" She said she wasn't invited, and he just answered. "Well, you are invited now." It was awkward to think she'd be going to Santana's who had tormented her for so many years, since elementary school, really and who is currently dating the guy who was living with them. Come to think of it, she had never seen Santana at home. Not once. The Evans have been with them for over a month, and yet, Sam never brought his girlfriend home. That was weird. She assumed Santana wanted nothing to do with the freak, or be near her. Certainly, the hung out at hers – hung out being a euphemism. She knew Santana, and Sam was a hormonal teenage boy. The thought alone made her miserable. She shook it away, she was with Jesse who she liked very much and who had made amends to gain back her trust. He was on the right track.
"Was that song for me, Rachel?" His voice got her out of her internal monologue. She looked at his questioningly before putting a soothing hand on his chest – his broad impressive chest – caressing it lightly. "It was not, Jesse." He let a breath out that he'd been holding ever since he asked the question. "I just love that song, so much. It has a deep meaning for me, after all that happened with Finn. I guess if it were for anyone, it would be for him. Although I just chose it because I find it outstanding. When Principal Figgins asked me to sing at Prom, I knew I wanted to sing that or Rolling in the Deep. But after you came in to the auditorium and sang it with me, I knew I wouldn't be able to do it justice." She smiled at him, warmly as his hand joined hers, his fingers lacing hers. "That is not true, Rachel. I mean, yes, we do sound amazing together, but you would've done that song just fine. In any event, your rendition of Jar of Hearts was breathtaking, I mean seriously I was stunned from the first to the last note. I think everyone was in the room, really." Her smiled turned shy. He loved – yes loved – that about her, when, for a second, she would leave the diva act aside and become this fragile artist, with only raw emotion left hanging.
"So, would you say that this time around my rendition was neither flawed, nor lacking emotional depth?" She chuckled lightly, using his words the first time they had met at the music store. He felt slightly ashamed that he said that to her. "It was certainly not lacking emotional depth. If anything, it was too emotionally deep, it sent chills down my spine and it was heartbreakingly beautiful, because at some point, I thought it was about me and how, at the end, you did not trust me. Also, I must tell you the truth, baby. Back in the day, I said what I said about your rendition of Barbra because, well, because I was impressed by you, your talent, and your potential. A little scared too, if I am totally honest. Your rendition of Don't Rain on My Parade was off charts, Rachel. That day, the only thing that was even remotely true was when I told you that you were incredibly talented. You are. The most talented, bar none."
For the first time, he saw Rachel Berry blush when someone mentioned her vocal skills. That made something to his inside that he had never felt before. He did not want to say too much, be overly romantic while they were still getting reacquainted, back together, but still taking it slow. They arrived at the party and Puck came to them, shaking Jesse's hand and hugging Rachel tightly. "Rach, you were absolutely stunning out there. Why didn't you say anything about singing at Prom tonight?"
He took her by the hand and waved at Jesse, leaving him there, annoyed. He knew Puck was her best friend, although, at times, he could sense that it was a bit more than that on his end. He trusted Rachel, so he did not get jealous – at least, not too much. His eyes went around the house, it was nice, and he saw Santana hanging out with fellow cheerios, including Quinn Fabray, who naturally, had won Prom Queen. She was that perfect American beauty with a horrible personality, from what he could remember. Her boyfriend Finn was goofing around with the football players, until he caught a sight of Rachel and Puck animatedly chatting at the kitchen.
"Rachel, you were always good at singing, I mean ever since I knew you. But tonight? That was something else. I felt every single word. I feel like a girl when I say this but there is no way around it. I said it and I'll repeat it Berry. You're going places. Just, please take me with you to at least some of them." She smiled warmly at him and put her hand on his forearm. "Thank you, Noah. It means a lot, especially coming from you who is so talented. I am not the only one going places, believe me, Noah Puckerman." She always trusted him like that, even when he did not deserve it, especially when he did not, actually. "I have to ask though. Was this song about me?" Her brows furrowed. Why were they all thinking this song was about them? "Noah, why would it be about you? I thought we cleaned the air. We are friends, and we decided to put all that happened before, behind us. Didn't we?"
He scratched the back of his head, his guns flexing slightly. She had to admit that he had a very nice body. His arms looked even bigger than they did last year. "We did, Rachel. You were amazing enough to forgive me and agree to move forward with us. The thing is, I know you, and I know singing is a way for you to let things out, even things you're holding onto unconsciously. So, I cannot help but think that it was, in a way, destined to me. And it's fine if it is, I mean, I deserved it. That's an understatement. I just wanted to say…" Rachel cut him off immediately. "Enough with the apologies, Noah. I told you I forgive you. I don't want to hear it again, okay?" She smiled. His hand flew again to his head, unsure what to say. "Thank you, Rachel" he finished up saying, hugging her.
At that moment, she heard a commotion at the entrance and two voices she knew all too well. She motioned for the new couple that go in. "Kurt, Blaine, come in, come in." They all greeted each other and Kurt said that he'd be back. "Apparently Tina wants to show me a video. She says it is the highlight of Prom. I am gutted I couldn't see it. Whatever it is, I hope it is juicy." Rachel smiled, oblivious to the fact that Tina had filmed her when she was singing. Jesse came around, putting his arm around her fine waist and pulling her close, nuzzling her neck. She let out a small moan that sent all the wrong to a part of Noah's anatomy, which he figured, would need to be his queue. Then, Finn came around, growling behind them. Of course, he had to be there.
"Hudson, this time I won't hesitate to kick your butt. I'll say it as simply as possible for you to understand. Leave us alone," Jesse said in a firm voice. Rachel was still by his side, her arm wrapped around his lower back. "St James, I am not here to speak to you, but to Rachel. Rach, can we please speak, alone?" Jesse was about to protest but Rachel kissed him lightly on the lips and that is all he needed to give in. "I'll be fine, Jesse. Just go mingle with the others and I'll be right there." He nodded, keeping an eye on the conversation unfolding.
"Finn, before we start. Can we please agree to keep this conversation cordial and friendly? We're practically in public and I don't want it to be embarrassed. I think that what happened at Prom is enough. By the way, congratulations on winning Prom King. I am happy for you and Quinn. Noah did a beautiful speech receiving the award on your behalf. I hope that next time, you're the one standing there." She said. She figured laying down the rules and at the same time beginning with an amenable compliment would help this conversation go smoothly, although smoothness was not Finn Hudson's forte.
"Thank you, Rach. I hope that next time, it is you and me standing together on that staged," he beamed. She sighed, unable to find how to make Finn understand that she had moved on and that he needed to the same – truly do it – with Quinn, or whoever he wanted for that matter. "I also wanted to say, you were fantastic on stage tonight. Everyone is only talking about this at the party. Even the football players over there were saying how impressed with your talent they were. I always knew you were talented, of course. But, tonight, you took it to a whole different level. Never seen you so into it. I had no idea you'd be singing. Does this mean you'll be coming back to Glee?" he asked, hopeful, with his dopey smile. It was hard to believe that there was a time she could not resist that smile. Now, it just seemed a tad stupid.
"Thank you for your kind words, Finn. You guys were also really good. However, I don't intend on joining Glee again. I think you are all doing great without me, and Glee's feelings towards me are clear. Aren't they? Anyway, what was it with Jesse, why did you do that, Finn?" He run his hand on his face. He knew she would ask him, and he knew he had no better answer than the truth, so he just went with it. The farce had lasted long enough anyway. "Look, Rachel, I just snapped. Seeing him all over you, that just made me green with jealousy. There you have it. I was jealous. I love you. I didn't need to see that to know, I've always known and I am convinced that you and I are made for each other. But yes, I love you and I can't pretend anymore like being away from you doesn't hurt because it does. So bad. And just seeing you with him, it makes me crazy. Because you should be with me and me only."
She knew she had to be very careful with her next words because Finn Hudson could be very stubborn, especially when he decided that something or someone – not that he made the difference – was his and that he could be a spoiled brat about it, throwing a fit every now and then. "Finn, listen. I am very touched by what you are saying. You're a great guy and we had a great story together. You were my first boyfriend, and for that, you'll hold a special place in my heart. However, we are not together, not anymore. You had your chances with me, and you blew it. You hid me, made me feel bad about myself, feel like I wasn't entirely desired all the time. Then, on top of this, you lied to me. I think that all of that, was because you didn't really love me. You love the idea of me, the idea of a girl pinning over you and teaching you how to sing, dying for you kiss her albeit in the secrets of a deserted auditorium. But I'm not that girl anymore. Actually, I have never been that girl. It was a moment in my life where I was tired of fighting everyone at school, and overall vulnerable. You showed me attention and it was enough for me to happily give in. But that is not me. I came to terms with the idea that I am stronger, braver, with a bigger ego and I cannot be treated as second best or third best. You made your choices, Finn. You must live with them now."
Finn was taken aback. It was not only her words, it was the emotions that went with them. The sadness, the anger, the resentment, the regret of ever being with him. There was touches of softness here and there, as if she were recollecting a nice memory. That hurt, he did not want to be a memory. She was a prospect for him. He had never realized how much he screwed things up. "Rachel, I am so sorry, for everything. I had no idea I hurt you so deeply. I don't know how I missed it. But if you give me a chance, I swear I'll be better to you. I want to be better. You gave Jesse a second chance, why not me?" It was a good question. She didn't know how to answer it exactly, sometimes words were just not enough. "Because what you did to my feelings, was worse than the eggs. Jesse never lied when he said he cared about me. I could feel it." His shoulders slumped. "Plus, you have Quinn. She cares for you, she was your first love. I was not. Maybe you should focus on that, on your relationship with her. She needs it. I'll see you around, Finn. Enjoy the evening. Oh, and thank you, for inspiring my song selection for Prom."
She left him, alone with his thoughts. I love you, Rachel, I cannot lose you. He thought to the lyrics of the song and that made him want to go on his knees. Don't come back for me, don't come back at all. He would come back, he would always come back to her, because they were Finn and Rachel, and they would be endgame, no matter what. Quinn came by and as hard as he tried to hold on to her, to plant small kisses across her face and perfect jawline, it didn't feel like the butterflies he would feel from holding Rachel. It didn't feel like fireworks anymore. That's when he got it. Fireworks faded over time, but butterflies were always replaced by other butterflies. He thought going back to Quinn would soothe his pain, but all it did was create ache and longing. He had done it for all the wrong reasons, popularity, Prom. Quinn was beautiful, she was a great girl and she deserved someone who loved her, really. He wouldn't break-up with her tonight though. They were good together still, not epic love, but comfortable care and they had just won King and Queen.
Rachel was heading back to Jesse who was animatedly discussing with Kurt and Blaine, who both looked adorable together when she ran in someone, distracted. "Oh, sorry Santana. This is a lovely party. Thank you for having Jesse and me," she smiled politely. "Oh, yes Ru Paul, Puck mentioned you'd come with your beau, I couldn't deny him to bring his best friend and her toyboy. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the party." Rachel huffed at the nickname Santana had used. One of many she had coined over the years to refer to her. She was inventive. She had to give her that. "Well, anyway have a nice evening, Santana." Then the Latina took her by her arm, gently, although firmly and asked. "Berry, listen, can we go somewhere private and talk?" Rachel looked at her and understood. She nodded and followed her nemesis to her room, locking the door.
"Look, Berry, about what you saw…" Rachel cut her off. "We'll get to that in a minute. But first things first. You need to stop calling me those horrible names, Santana. We are not friends. We probably never will be, I get it and honestly, I wouldn't want to be friends with you. We can agree we don't see eye to eye. But we are practically adults for God sake. Call me Rachel or Berry for that matter, that's fine. But those words you use, are childish, hurtful not to mention mostly homophobic, and this has harassment has to stop." Rachel's voice was cold as ice. Santana never saw her like that. She had to confess, she liked that side of Rachel.
"Or what, you'll tell? Are you blackmailing me, Berry?" She spitted out, venomously. All of a sudden, Rachel got it. Santana was angry at herself, at the world, and she expressed it by belittling people around her, to create imaginary power and protection. She was not outright mean, her life and insecurities made her. She never imagined a girl as gorgeous, talented and smart as Santana Lopez would suffer from any insecurities. "Never, Santana. I would never use something that personal against you. You seem to forget my fathers are gay, I could never…" Santana was fuming, and she interrupted her, her tone sharp. "Who said anything about being gay?"
Rachel took a couple of steps back, although she knew it was useless. They were locked in the same room, had Santana wished to physically hurt her, there would be no escape. "Santana, I was with you in Glee for a year, I see the way you look at Brittany, and come to think of it, she's been your only true stable relationship since… ever. Ever since I know you, really. We both know it's been a long time, even if you'd rather wish that away. If you do not identify as gay, then fine, my mistake. I won't apologize though, because being gay is not an insult, and there is nothing wrong with that."
Santana liked this version of Rachel Berry more. Ever since she was a little girl, she remembered how fierce Rachel could be. High school – and Finn Hudson – had taken a toll on her, but really, she was back swinging. "Rachel, I am not… I am not ready. I don't know what it is that I feel for Brit. I love her, sure but it is just much easier… I don't know. Just look at what they've done to Kurt. They made him change schools, literally." For the first time, Rachel had seen Santana vulnerable and that was compelling. As much as she tried to hate Santana Lopez for everything she made her endure in her life, at that very moment, she couldn't. "It's okay, Santana. Everyone moves at their own rhythm. But you must tell Sam, you cannot keep leading him on. He's a very sweet boy, and he really cares for you."
Santana snorted, loudly. "Come on, Rachel. You can't be that oblivious. Sam and I are comfortable for each other. He dates a hot popular cheerio which increases his rep, and I have the hot football player which silences any potential rumors. But, do you think I miss the looks he shoots you when you're around? There is something there. Longing, desire. Love, even? I wouldn't know, I'm not sure what love is. Anyway, Berry. He got the hots for you, and come to think of it, I don't care much. Two other boys – who also have it hard for you, might though. Your dreamy boyfriend, and your alleged best friend." Santana had mimicked inverted comas referring to Puck.
"Santana, it's definitely not the point. Sam is my friend, just a friend and he lives with us at the moment. I just want to spare him the heartbreak of finding out another girlfriend of his has cheated on him. So please do what is right." Or I will, she wanted to add but for some odd reason, she knew Santana would guess that part without any need for her to spell it out. Santana nodded. "Oh, and Berry? I am sorry for Finn. I did it to spite you, and it was shitty of me. If it is of any comfort, he said it didn't mean anything after we did it." Rachel winced, not willing to imagine them in that position. "Also, can I be honest? I think you're better off without him."
Rachel smiled. It was probably the first time in her life, that she was able to have an appeased conversation with Santana Lopez. Funny how they couldn't stand each other when they were teammates, yet there they were, chatting, cordially. "Oh, and Santana. Whenever you're ready, I know two mean who have been there, who would be more than willing to talk to you and guide you." She left the room. She felt drained, all those talks one after the other had exhausted her. She just wanted to get home, get out of those high heels and curl up in her bed. Probably have a small chat with Sam. That would be necessary, she thought, as she saw Santana walk to him in a resolved way. Her heart ached a little for the blonde sweet guy whose heart was once again about to be shattered.
"Diva! That video is so ending online. You were amazing, Rachel. I mean we all knew you could sing, that goes without saying. But that raw emotion? Where does that come from?" Kurt was hugging her tightly until Blaine came and gently pulled him away. "Kurt, I think Rachel needs to breathe a little, doesn't she?" Kurt kept smiling widely. "Sorry, Diva, I just got so excited. You were extraordinary out there." Blaine nodded and smiled softly. "It was impressive Rachel. But as I was telling Kurt, it can't be all talent. I could see there was some intense work and dedication out there – which, really is the sign of great artists." Rachel didn't expect the reactions to be so positive. "Thank you, Blaine, I mean I still have a long way to go before being labelled a great artist, or an artist for that matter. Plus, young ingénue seems much more attractive, doesn't it?" She winked at him as he laughed. Dramatic flair. "Oh, and Kurt? We can totally put that on my MySpace page."
She left, eager to joining her boyfriend who was chatting with Puck and…Quinn? "Hey guys, Quinn. What are you up to?" The two men stood by her in shock, and she was not sure what this was for. "Berry, someone hit you in the bathroom, and you didn't mention?" Puck grumbled at her, fury in his eyes. Jesse seemed disappointed. "I don't know how you guys know, although I can guess," she said, looking at Quinn. "I just did not want to bother you or worry you. Quinn lashed out, she had a tough night and that was it. Nothing happened. Quinn and I talked, and…"
"Actually, we have not. At least, I haven't said all I wanted to say Rachel, if you'd follow me, please. Don't worry guys, I promise I won't do her any harm." Rachel nodded silently, followed Quinn after she quickly pecked Jesse's lips and squeezed Puck's forearm, which, again, had an effect on him a friend was not supposed to have. Both girls walked silently, to the bathroom. Rachel couldn't help but giggle a little. "Bathrooms likely to become our thing Quinn. What do you think?"
"Rachel, I apologize for hitting you. I don't know what's gotten onto me. I was just…frustrated. Well, because my boyfriend keeps staring at you when he thinks I am not seeing, but I am." Rachel cut her off. "Quinn, I realize you have no reason to trust me, but I am over Finn Hudson. For good. I told him so tonight, and I did tell him so various times over the last few weeks. I am sorry you have to endure his uncertainties. But, I am done with him. And quite frankly? You're too good to pin over a guy who is not devoting his entire self to you." The reference to Sam palpable, Quinn decided that for now, it was better to let it slide.
"It's not why I wanted to talk to you. It's about Beth. Puck says that you and he saw here a couple of times? How is she?" Rachel smiled at Quinn's breathlessness referring to her daughter she had to give up for adoption. "She is well, I think Shelby is taking really good care of her, Quinn. I can only imagine how hard it was for you to see her go, but you've made the most responsible choice you could've and that is what great mothers do." At those words, Quinn's eyes just gave in. She began crying in earnest. She had promised to herself that no one would see her in that state, and of all people she was allowing to see her that fragile, she chose Rachel Berry, the girl she harassed – passively and actively – for years. Rachel was uncomfortable, she feared Quinn would reject any hugs, so she conformed with patting her back gently through her sobs.
"Thanks for saying this, Rachel. And thank you so much for convincing Shelby to let Puck and I see her every once in a while. He told me it was all you. I am not sure why you did it, but I cannot thank you enough, and I am so sorry for all those years, I…" Quinn was not sure what to say, there was no good excuses for what she had done. "Don't worry, Quinn. We can talk about this another time. I figure this is a lot to process. I'll let you, Noah and Shelby make plans to see Beth. I think it's better that I let you do that as a family, on your own. Oh, and I did for Beth, because she deserves to know her biological parents."
Quinn was about to protest, she actually would like to have Rachel around, weirdly. She could relieve a bit of the tension that she would feel at meeting Beth, and Beth and Rachel were quite alike in a way, they both were raised by parents who were not their biological parents, and they could understand that longing. Plus, Rachel was the one that had put together the occasion for her to reconnect with her daughter. It was only fair that she would be there. Yet there she was, offering to leave them be a family of some sorts. Rachel is part of that family too, she's Shelby's biological daughter, thought Quinn.
Rachel was emotionally unable to stay there any longer, she went to her boyfriend whom she hugged tightly and asked for them to leave. In the car, she blurted: "I am sorry for not telling you about Quinn. It's just… she was upset, she did what she did, and she apologized. I did not want to expose her. She's going through a lot. But I should've been the one to tell you, not her. I am sorry for that." Jesse took her hand gently and kissed her knuckles. "I understand, baby. You're fierce, but at heart you're too kind for your own good. It's moving and inspiring to see how you treat all of them, all of us, with kindness when we did not deserve it. I am thankful for that. It's a side I keep discovering about you."
He pulled in her driveway and as Jesse was walking her to the front door, she saw the light in the kitchen was still on. It was past their bedtime. Sam, he must be moping around after what happened with Santana. She did not even realize that she rushed to kiss her boyfriend, too impatient to get inside.
"Hi Rach," Sam greeted with a small tired voice. His hair was a mess, but a gorgeous blonde mess, and he was in all his shirtless glory. Her heart skipped a bit.