(Author's Note: Due to a recent review I've gotten, I feel like I need to address something. The character of 'Chad' is not intended to be any sort of 'reinforcement of incel culture' as the reviewer put it. Before starting this fanfiction, I didn't understand the specifics of the joke behind calling someone 'Chad', and I merely named him that as a joke because he's an asshole. If you were to translate the last names of the other characters (both first and last in the case of Okane), then you'd find out that there are jokes there as well. Chad is merely a character who shares this trend, just in English instead of Japanese. No offense to people who are actually named Chad, though. Furthermore, his name is more of a reference to the character Chad from Tucker and Dale vs Evil, which is a parody of Friday the 13th)
Chapter 5: Sayonara
Not much else happened for the rest of the lunch period. Monika and I sat down in our previous spots, and we all just went back to talking. Natsuki didn't even insinuate anything between Monika and I. The only thing worth mentioning is that I tried to focus on talking to Sayori instead of Natsuki this time. It wasn't long before the bell finally rang, and we all began to get up. I was about to leave when Yuri came up to me.
"Shall we be on our way?" She asked. It seemed to me that the conversation I had with her two days prior had really helped her with her social anxiety, even if she was only talking to me. I nodded.
"Sure." I responded. As we made our way to the double doors to exit the cafeteria, I caught a glimpse of Yuri gazing at Mc, who was leaving out of a different set of double doors. I smiled, finding it funny how neither of them knew that their crushes on each other were mutual. I had this smile on my face until Yuri and I pushed through the doors into the hallway.
*Five minutes later*
Yuri and I sat down in our respective seats and waited patiently for the lesson to commence. That is, until I decided to speed things up a bit.
"He likes you back, you know." I whispered to Yuri, who gasped at my sudden statement. Now, you might be wondering why I did this, as it would probably cause Yuri to kill herself earlier. And you would be right. I was trying to make it so Yuri's and Mc's relationship developed as quickly as possible, as I had a decently good idea of where they would be during and before the festival. I didn't have a good way to figure out where they would be together after the fact, so that's why I did this.
"H-how do you k-know that?" Yuri whispered back, nervous. I tried to reassure her with a smile, but it didn't seem to do much.
"Yuri, it's pretty obvious that you have a crush on Mc." I put my hand on her shoulder. "And I'm here to tell you that he feels the same way about you." I was being quick and straight to the point. Yuri looked back down at her hands, which were sitting in her lap.
"Alex... What do I do?" She asked meekly. "I mean, I don't even know how to tell him." Small tears began to form in the corners of her eyes. "How would I even start?" Yuri's tone scared me. It wasn't a normal questioning tone, nor was it an embarrassed tone. It was scared. She wasn't mentally prepared for anything of this nature. It might seem stupid to you for someone to be scared by something like this, but Yuri was a VERY mentally fragile person. I quickly changed my tone to something a lot softer.
"Hey, hey... calm down." I put my hand on her back, trying to calm her down. "This isn't that big a deal. You don't need to confess right away. Just tell him when you feel like the time is right." Yuri turned to me.
"But how will I know when that time is?" She asked. I smiled at her reassuringly.
"You won't. It'll be a leap of faith. It'll be scary at the beginning, but by the end, you'll feel like a whole new person." I said. Yuri smiled faintly. It seemed like what I was saying was actually helping Yuri.
"Alex, you always seem to know what to say to make me feel better." She stated quietly. I laughed internally.
"Let's just say this isn't the first time I've known someone like you." Was all I said. It was at this moment that the bell rang, and we both faced towards the front of the classroom. I looked out of the corner of my eye at Yuri. "Think about what I said, okay Yuri?" Yuri didn't give me a vocal answer, but I could see a faint smile on her face.
*One class later*
Yuri didn't stick around when the bell rang, instead opting to rush out of the classroom as fast as possible. I couldn't blame her, that lesson was boring as hell. Moving on, I started out the door and down the hallway, making my way to geography.
It was already like clockwork at this point. Walk through doorway, walk to desk, sit down, pay attention. My body was easy to get on autopilot, so much so that I didn't even notice Tiffany sitting in my seat until I was standing right next to it. We both seemed to surprise each other, because as soon as she looked in my general direction, we locked gazes in pure confusion. It had almost been ten seconds before one of us finally said something.
"So... you seem to be in my seat." I pointed out awkwardly. Tiffany looked at me, then my desk, then back at me, then back at my desk. Her eyes widened when she noticed her mistake, and she promptly scooted over to the chair next to her.
"Sorry, sorry! I didn't notice we had assigned desks!" She apologized. I laughed as I sat down.
"Don't worry about it, Tiffany. We all make mistakes." I reassured her, which seemed to be something that I was doing quite often as of recently. Tiffany sighed.
"Ever since I got here, I've just been so worried about offending people. I mean, the Japanese have such different beliefs than us." She said. I nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, they do have different beliefs, but it isn't as easy to offend them as you might think. In fact, Natsuki was actually really worried about offending you earlier." I instantly regretted saying that, knowing that Natsuki probably wouldn't appreciate me telling people about her softer side. However, it seemed like I'd piqued Tiffany's interest.
"But why would she be worried about offending me? It isn't like there's much that I'd find offensive." Tiffany wondered. It seemed like I was backed into a corner, so I had no choice but to explain it to Tiffany.
"Well, she felt like she was being a bit cold to you on the way to school today, so she thought that you didn't like her after that." I explained. "On top of that, she wasn't quite sure what you would take as being racist." Tiffany took a moment to think on my words, then responded in a surprisingly soft tone.
"Wow, she's the first person to actually care about not being mean to me..." She trailed off, presumably deep in thought. I watched her transition into a thousand-yard stare until it became uncomfortable, so I waved my hand in her face and she snapped back to reality.
"Hey, I know you didn't want to talk about it, but I would really like to know what you meant earlier by not having the best time with racism." I said. Tiffany looked anxiously at her desk, desperately wanting the topic to change.
"I-I'm sorry, Alex... I just can't..." She quietly said. I could see that it was a sensitive topic for her, so I put together what I knew and tried my best at deduction.
"You're having trouble with your neighbour, aren't you?" It was more of a statement than a question, and it seemed like I'd hit the mark, because Tiffany looked at me sadly.
"How did you know?" She questioned. I returned her gaze of sadness, but not consciously.
"That neighbour is Natsuki's father." I stated, causing Tiffany to gasp. "She didn't want you to judge her based on her father's actions, so she didn't tell you." I was hoping that I was right, or else things could get really ugly. Tiffany went back to staring at her desk.
"Oh my god... W-what kind of father..." She trailed off. I gave her a questioning look, thoroughly confused by what she had just said.
"What did you say?" I inquired. Tiffany slowly turned her head to me, her eyes displaying intense fear.
"T-there were bars on the windows. A-all of them." She stuttered. "T-the house had security cameras all around the property, most of them p-pointed at o-our h-house." Tiffany was starting to freak me and herself out. "H-he yelled at us to leave when we tried to introduce o-ourselves, calling us more slurs than I could count." Tiffany began to sweat profusely. I tried to calm her down.
"Woah, woah. Calm down, Tiffany." But she kept on going.
"W-what the fuck is going on in that household?" She stammered. "W-what t-the f-fuck..." I put my hand on her shoulder, snapping her back to reality.
"Tiffany." I said sternly. "Calm down. I know exactly what you're thinking, but even if what you're thinking is true, there isn't anything that we can do right now." I couldn't let her get involved. I couldn't let anyone else get hurt. If anyone was going to get hurt saving Natsuki, it would be me. Tiffany looked like she wanted to argue, but the bell rang before she could even open her mouth.
"I'll talk to you later, Tiffany." I told her. She didn't say anything and merely looked towards the front of the classroom with a concerned look on her face.
*One class later*
As soon as the bell rang, Tiffany grabbed all her things and rushed out the door before anyone else. I just chocked up her quick exit to the stress that our previous conversation had raised. I followed suit, only more calm, and began towards my locker. This time, I had put Natsuki's manga in its own pouch in my backpack to prevent it from getting damaged. Partly because I didn't want to get yelled at again, but mostly because it was difficult enough for her to just own these things with her father around.
Oddly, nothing happened on the way to the Literature Club. I didn't even see anyone on the way. Honestly, I wasn't complaining. If I had to deal with Chad or Okane one more time, I was pretty sure one of us would end up dead, and it wouldn't be me.
Anyway, I soon found myself standing directly in front of the clubroom door. It was at this moment that I remembered what happens on that day in the game, and mentally panicked while I desperately tried to think up a plan to avoid it. However, I wasn't even able to start planning before I heard Natsuki's voice next to me.
"Hey, there's a line behind you!" I turned around to find an annoyed Natsuki, tapping her foot against the floor impatiently. I looked at her right hand to find her holding three large cookies, two chocolate, one plain. I quickly stepped aside.
"Ladies first." I gestured her to the door. Natsuki smiled, then passed me one of the chocolate cookies on her way past. I took it, then followed her through the door as I heard Sayori's voice calling out from inside the clubroom.
"B-but... You wouldn't have come if it weren't for the cupcakes... So I had to trick Natsuki into making them!" Mc then said something about Sayori needing to give him more credit, and my only thought was:
'Ah, shit. Here we go again...' I walked into the room just in time to see Natsuki throwing the plain cookie at Sayori, which hit her directly in the face and bounced onto the desk in front of her. I laughed, which unfortunately made the others aware of our presence. Natsuki didn't seem fazed by it, however.
"I was going to just give it to you, but then you decided to blab about the cupcakes, and I just couldn't help myself." Natsuki smiled. Instead of feeling hurt, Sayori smiled at Natsuki. She picked up the cookie and began to ferociously tear open the plastic wrapping.
"Thanks, Nat!" She then bit into the cookie ravenously, then her eyes widened. "Ah! I bit my tongue!" It was difficult to hear exactly what she said, but that was the general idea of her words.
"Geez, you sure are making a big deal out of this one cookie." Natsuki said as she began opening the plastic wrap around her cookie. Sayori's eyes widened even more.
"Oh! Yours looks so good, Nat! Can I taste it?" She asked. Natsuki put on an expression of mock annoyance.
"No! You already have one!" Natsuki answered playfully. Sayori looked down sadly, but quickly looked back up at Natsuki with the desperate puppy-dog eyes.
"B-but yours is chocolate!" She begged. Natsuki just stared at her.
"Yeah, why did you think I gave you that one?" She said. Sayori finally gave up the act and went back to her happy old self, smiling as if the world were perfect.
"That's okay! Thanks for the cookie!" Yup, she really was a kid. Sayori walked behind Natsuki and wrapped her arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug. Natsuki groaned as she looked to the side in embarrassment.
"Okay, okay. I get it." She tried to wave Sayori away with her hand that was holding the cookie, but Sayori leaned down and bit off half of it, much to Natsuki's dismay. "What the hell?! Did you seriously just do that?!" She exclaimed. Sayori giggled, her mouth full of chocolate, and trotted away to safety. Everyone laughed, all except for Natsuki, who was pouting about the loss of the opportunity to eat a full cookie.
I took the opportunity to take off my backpack, pull out the manga, and tap it on Natsuki's head while she was still looking the other way. She turned around quickly, then snagged the manga out of my hands before I could say anything.
"Hey, I was careful this time." I said. Natsuki ignored me and continued to look over the manga, checking for even the tiniest crease. When she was absolutely positive it was in perfect condition, she looked at me, content that I didn't destroy her manga.
"Not bad." She admitted. "Are you ready to go read more?" She gestured at the closet, and I immediately nodded. I was starting to legitimately enjoy reading this series, even though it usually wasn't my kind of thing. I was a bigger fan of action-adventure stories, so the fact that I was enjoying a high school romance series was jarring to me. However, I wasn't complaining.
As I followed Natsuki into the closet, she suddenly stopped and looked up at one of the shelves. "What the hell?!" She exclaimed. I looked inside, already knowing what I'd see, and sure enough, her manga collection was on the top shelf. It was too high for her to reach, and hell, too high for ME to reach. She made a couple of futile hops to reach it, but quickly gave up. She spied a collapsible stool hanging on the wall nearby, then promptly grabbed it off the wall and put it next to the shelf.
She got up on it, but it was quite wobbly. She took a few seconds to regain her balance, then reached for the smallest box of manga.
"Be careful." I told her, but she just gave me an annoyed look.
"I know that." She was probably connecting my advice to teasing her about her height, so I kept my mouth shut. She grabbed the box, but the sudden change in weight caused her to almost fall. I got into position to catch her if she fell, but she didn't need it. After a few seconds to balance herself, she leaped off the stool and landed on her feet, holding the box of manga above her head triumphantly as if it were a trophy. She looked proud, but it was pretty obvious that she was a bit shaken.
"Maybe it's best if I grab the rest..." I stated as I took a step forward, but Natsuki stood in front of me, blocking my path to the stool. She had an annoyed look on her face.
"I can do it myself, thank you very much." She said condescendingly as she placed the first box of manga on the bottom shelf. "All I need is something higher than this stool..." She stood up and scanned the clubroom outside the closet, her gaze eventually resting on the swivel chair at the front of the room. All of the other chairs were actually connected to their respective desks, so that only left the one option.
She walked across the room, grabbed the chair, and dragged it across the floor towards the closet. No one paid her any mind, all except for Monika, who immediately after looked at me knowingly. She'd probably lived through this moment before, so she knew just as well as I did how this was going to go. I didn't have much time to think of a way out of this before Natsuki slid the chair into the closet.
"Hey, Natsuki?" I started. "I'm not making fun of your height or anything, but there's times when you need to recognize your body's limits and get help from someone else." I was desperately trying to avoid the events that were about to transpire, but to my dismay, Natsuki just gave me an annoyed grunt and pushed the chair next to the shelf. She climbed up onto it, then reached for the second box of manga. The chair turned underneath her, and she grabbed onto the shelf to steady herself. She turned her head and stared at me.
"A little help here?" She said, you guessed it, annoyed. Seeing that there wasn't any way out of this, I reluctantly stepped forward and grabbed onto the arms of the chair, holding it in place. Due to the height it was set at, I had to bend over slightly in order to hold it. Because of this, if I looked even slightly up, I had a full view up Natsuki's skirt. I was mentally panicking, so much that I could feel the sweat begin to pool on my forehead already. Against my better judgement, I tried my best to explain the situation to Natsuki.
"Hey, um, Natsuki?" I began, nervous. "I'm not one-hundred percent sure you thought this all the way through." Natsuki gave out an exasperated sigh.
"What do you mean, 'I didn't think this all the way through'?" She spat. I sighed, then prepared to tell her the most awkward news I'd ever uttered.
"Well... you see..." But the words wouldn't come out. After a few seconds, Natsuki complained again.
"What do you mean?!" She startled me, so my brain decided to go into fuck-it mode.
"Thewaythatyouvesetthechairsheighttobeforcesmetobeinapositionthatmakesitsoifilookupicanseedirectlyupyourskirtandimnottryingtoidnevertrytodosomethinglikethatimnotapervertiswear!" Natsuki froze in place, both mortified and embarrassed. I was feeling about the same way. I kept my head down, determined to not look. After what felt like five minutes, Natsuki finally spoke.
"O-oh..." She squeaked. "I s-see why y-you didn't want to do this n-now..." She began to sweat. My grip on the chair arms was getting a bit weaker due to the sweat that was being produced from my palms. "Alex?" I heard Natsuki say.
"Yeah?" I asked. I was just waiting for her to yell at me at this point, so I braced myself. Surprisingly, the next thing she said wasn't angry.
"Just don't look." Was all she said. I abided by her request as I steadied the chair. She reached for the second box of manga, but didn't move as she held it. She just stood on the chair completely still.
"Um... are you okay?" I inquired. Natsuki jumped slightly, as if she forgot I was there.
"Hey, could you maybe grab this box from me? It's really heavy, and I don't think I can get down from here while carrying it." Just what I expected her to say. Still looking down, I spoke.
"Okay. Just give me a second." I slowly brought my hands off of the chair, paying attention to even the tiniest movements to make sure Natsuki kept her balance. After I was sure everything was fine, I took a step back. "Alright, you can hand me the box now." Natsuki slowly turned around on the chair, knowing that even the smallest movement could send her tumbling. After an agonizing ten seconds of stress, she was half turned around. Unfortunately, when she began to move her foot to turn around a bit more, the chair began to swivel.
This caused a chain reaction of Natsuki re-balancing herself, then the chair swiveling in the opposite direction with an even stronger movement. Then, everything happened at once. The chair's swivelling got so extreme that it took Natsuki's legs out from under her. The box of manga went flying out of her hand. I surged forward to catch Natsuki, but I was a bit off and I instantly regretted my decision as I felt Natsuki's full body weight collapse on top of me, knocking me to the ground. I heard the sound of books falling everywhere, the swivel chair falling over, and Natsuki's groans of pain.
I found myself laying on the ground just outside the closet with a weight on my chest. I hadn't even opened my eyes yet, but I could just tell what that weight was. I slowly opened my eyes, and found my gaze taken up completely by Natsuki's face. She, too, opened her eyes and took a few seconds to figure out what just happened. When she noticed what she was laying on, she yelped in surprise an pushed herself to her knees, using my chest as the point of contact. She then punched me in the chest.
"Ow! What was that for?!" I asked as we both got up. Natsuki crossed her arms and pouted.
"You could've kept the chair balanced as I was turning around." She complained. This annoyed me.
"Then why didn't you tell me to?" I inquired. Natsuki opened her mouth to react, but Monika walked over before she could.
"What happened here?" Monika asked as she walked up to us. She had an expression of neutrality on her face, which makes sense considering that she'd lived through this moment multiple times before. Natsuki looked angry.
"Why would you put my manga on the top shelf? Are you TRYING to kill your club members, Monika?!" Natsuki complained. Monika smiled apologetically.
"Sorry, Natsuki. The teacher didn't like us using up all of the shelf space, so I had to move some things around." She apologized. "I was going to bring them down earlier, but I guess I just forgot somehow." Natsuki was stunned. She froze in place with a blank stare on her face. It wasn't until I waved my hand in front of her eyes that she snapped out of her stupor and responded.
"Right. Anyway, you can go now." She said commandingly. In any other club, that probably would've gotten her kicked out. Instead, Monika merely nodded and walked back to where Sayori was sitting, seemingly watching our entire conversation. I looked back at Natsuki.
"I should probably get the rest of the boxes." I said as I tried to walk past Natsuki. However, as I began moving, Natsuki gasped. I looked at her and found her staring at the place where we'd fallen. I followed her gaze to the floor, and instantly remembered what happens at this moment. There was a volume of manga on the floor with a large crease in it. The cover was practically folded in half. Natsuki rushed forward and grabbed the manga off the floor. She tried desperately to get the crease out, but to no avail. She eventually walked back into the closet, but I could see tears in the corners of her eyes as she walked past me.
I followed her inside to find her kneeling next to the half-empty box of manga that she'd dropped earlier. She was half-heartedly putting the volumes of manga back inside. I walked over and kneeled down next to her. She was crying. I put my hand on her shoulder.
"Hey, are you alright?" I asked softly. Natsuki didn't respond, but she didn't shrug me off either. Eventually, she broke down into tears, silently crying.
"It's just..." She spoke between quiet sobs. "Every day... is just so... difficult." She closed her eyes as I tried to comfort her.
"I know how you feel." I began to put the fallen manga volumes back in the box. "You just put up with so much shit every day, until even the tiniest inconvenience can set you off. If I had a dime for every time that happened to me, I wouldn't even be here." As I said this, the image of the safe in my closet popped into my mind. The safe that contained all the money I inherited from my parents.
"W-what?" Natsuki looked at me, still crying, but confused. Then, I remembered what country I was in.
"Oh, sorry. If I had ten yen for every time that happened to me, I wouldn't even be here." I corrected my speech. "I know you don't like talking about it, but from what I've learned, you have a few problems with your dad, bullying, and just people in general. I may not know how that feels, but that doesn't mean I'm completely oblivious to what those kinds of things can do to people. So if it means anything to you, I'm sorry." Even I was shocked by that speech. Back home, I wasn't the best with people, so the fact that I was saying things like that surprised me.
Natsuki's expression slowly changed from sadness, to slight suspicion, to complete thankfulness. She surged forward, still on her knees, and wrapped her arms around me, burying her face in my chest. She sobbed silently, and I patted the back of her head to comfort her further. After about five minutes, it began to get awkward. Natsuki slowly brought her head back, then looked at me.
"Did you actually not look?" She asked teasingly, obviously back to her old self.
"No." I answered confidently, then smiled at Natsuki. She looked a bit off to the side, blushing.
"Heh. Your loss." She joked. I laughed, then we got back to picking up the manga and depositing it into the box. After another five minutes, we were finally done. I'd used the collapsible stool to grab the other three boxes and handed them down to Natsuki. When we were ACTUALLY finally done, Natsuki grabbed volume three of Parfait Girls from one of the boxes.
"We don't have much time left, but would you like to continue reading anyway?" She asked. I nodded.
"Sure. That's why I came over here in the first place." I responded. Natsuki smiled gleefully, then pulled me by the hand to the windowsill where we'd read for the past three days. We sat down side-by-side and began to read.
*Twenty minutes later*
"Okay, everyone! Time to share poems!" Monika's voice resonated throughout the clubroom. "It's a bit earlier today, but I have an announcement for afterwards." I closed the manga and pushed myself to my feet. I held my hand out to the still-sitting Natsuki to help her up. She took my arm and pulled herself to her feet. Over the past three days, it had seemed like Natsuki warmed up to me much faster than she would've with any other person.
I grabbed my (Monika's) poem from my backpack and began towards Monika. She had a smile on her face as I walked over, but I could definitely tell that she was anxious. When I got over to her, I handed her the poem.
"I don't even need to read it." She giggled. Yup, she was anxious. I looked at her, concerned.
"Monika, what's wrong?" I asked. Monika's cheerful smile instantly transitioned into a frown. She sighed deeply.
"I'm just so worried about Sayori." She admitted. "It's going to be so difficult to get rid of her depression. I just feel so selfish for asking you for help when you have Natsuki to worry about." She looked down in shame. "I don't deserve your help..." I gritted my teeth.
"Monika." I said commandingly. "Why are you being like this?" Monika looked up in shock of my tone, the tears still in her eyes.
"W-what are you talking about?" She asked, confused. I sighed frustratedly.
"Monika, I care about the other club members just as much as you do." I stated. "Where'd the confident Monika go? Huh? Where did they go? I remember back in the game where you were always so sure of what you were doing." Monika looked down again.
"That isn't me... Not anymore, anyway." She said, dejected. "I was a monster. I killed all my friends so I could be with someone that was incapable of loving me back. I can't forgive myself for what I've done." She began to silently cry again. I gritted my teeth harder.
"Monika, get yourself to-fucking-gether." I ordered. Monika looked up in shock.
"W-what?" She was even more confused.
"If you can't learn to forgive yourself, then how are you supposed to save anyone?" I questioned. "The first step to saving them is to accept what you did and move on. Yes, you killed them. And no, we can't change that. But we CAN fix what you did. I'm perfectly fine with helping you with Sayori. She's as important to me as she is to you, but you need to get your act together if we're going to save them. The Monika I know doesn't just back down from a challenge. Now, which is it going to be? Are you going to hang on to your past and give up, or are you going to let go and save them all?"
Monika was frozen in shock of my speech. In fact, even I was surprised by my words. Even so, I felt like I owed this to Monika. In addition to helping me let go of my losses, she'd given me the chance to forge my own future. Monika blinked a few times, then slowly smiled.
"I'd rather choose the second option." She joked. I smiled, knowing that the Monika I knew was finally back. Before anything else could happen, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I found Sayori staring at me.
"Are you two done?" She nervously tapped her fingers together. "Not to be rude or anything..."
"You're not being rude at all, Sayori." Monika came up from behind me. "We were just finishing up, anyway." Earlier, it had seemed like Monika's confidence was just an act, but now, it sounded genuine. It was like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
*Ten minutes later*
Poem sharing had basically gone the same as last time. Mc teased me about liking Natsuki, Sayori liked it, Yuri was indifferent, and Natsuki loved it. When everyone was done sharing their poems, Monika called out from the rectangle of six desks.
"Okay, everyone! I have an announcement to make!" Everyone collectively walked to their respective seats. I say 'respective' because each club member sat in the exact same seat as they did the last time we'd sat there. It was almost some sort of unsaid agreement of chair assignment. Each club member silently sat down as Monika began to speak.
"As you know, the school festival is coming up." She announced, putting her fingers in the steeple position. "And I believe that holding an event would be the best way to gain new members." Natsuki groaned.
"Do we have to do something for the festival? We'll just end up embarrassing ourselves as opposed to getting new members." She complained.
"We'll never know if we never try, Natsuki. Have some faith." Monika said as Natsuki crossed her arms. "Besides, Sayori's already begun to make posters for our event." She pointed over to Sayori, who smiled and picked up a poster that was sitting next to her desk. It featured the words 'Literature Club' over the top with a picture of a book underneath. There were a bunch of other small details, but it would take way too long to list them all. Natsuki froze.
"Y-you haven't already started putting these up around the school, have you?" Natsuki asked. I looked at her in confusion.
"Natsuki... we walked past five of them on the way to science today..." It was true. I didn't notice it at the time, but we'd walked past just that many copies of Sayori's poster on the way to science.
"Can you at least tell me that the event that you have planned isn't too embarrassing?" Natsuki asked desperately. Monika giggled, then announced proudly:
"We're doing a poem reading performance!" Natsuki and Yuri froze, Sayori clapped excitedly, Mc looked on curiously, and I just stayed neutral. No one said anything, but that absence of sound was soon filled in by Natsuki's voice.
"Y-you can't be serious." She stuttered. Monika sighed and opened her mouth to talk, but I cut in.
"I'm sorry for interrupting you, but if I may..." I started. "In my past, there have been many times where I was put into a situation I didn't want to be in. During these points in time, I would just focus on the future and the fact that time moves on no matter what's happening. I would think about the future me and how his life would be affected by what I did, and focus on getting through it. I can tell that both Natsuki and Yuri are nervous about this, but if it helps any, I would advise them to do the same thing. It helps a lot more than you would think." This was the first time so far where I was giving advice to people in a group, so I was more than a little nervous myself. Eventually, however, Yuri exhaled.
"Well said, Alex. I will admit, that tactic is very effective." She said. Ignoring the fact that she just implied that she'd just used my tactic, I turned to Natsuki.
"Well? How about you, Nat?" Natsuki looked between all the others sitting at the table, then slowly smiled.
"Alright, you've convinced me. Let's do this." Everyone slightly cheered.
"Okay! So, in preparation of the event," she explained, "let's do a practice round of poem presenting right now. First, I'll go. Then Sayori, followed by Yuri, then Mc, then Natsuki, finishing off with Alex. Any objections?" No one said anything. "Okay, then! I'll start now." Instead of walking up to the podium to read it like in the game, Monika instead pulled out a notepad and flipped through it until she reached her desired poem. She read it out loud confidently, and I recognized it as the same poem she shared during our first poem sharing session.
*Ten minutes later*
Natsuki finished reading her poem, folding the paper in half and putting it in her binder. I reached into my pocket to grab my poem, but the sound of the bell ringing prematurely ended our session. Natsuki groaned in frustration.
"Dammit, why did it have to ring then?! Why does Alex get a free pass?" She whined. I laughed.
"I wouldn't really call it a 'free pass' anyway. I honestly wanted to perform." I said truthfully. Natsuki rolled her eyes.
"Weirdo." She said. I smirked.
"The weirdo you hang out with." I rebounded. Natsuki blushed furiously, then slapped me.
"Shut up!" She yelled, embarrassed. I rubbed my cheek in pain.
"You know, you hit like a freight train." I complained. Natsuki gave me a concerned look, then crossed her arms when she noticed my joking smile.
"Oh, you're fine!" She said. I smirked again.
"Thanks." Natsuki stared at me confusedly, then her expression slowly changed to annoyance as she understood the joke. She was blushing even harder.
"SHUT UP!" She tried to slap me again, but I grabbed her wrist before it could get to me. She struggled for a few seconds before giving up, then I let go.
"Okay, can we get moving now? I don't have all day!" Mc complained from the doorway.
"Coming!" I called as I pushed myself out of my seat. Natsuki did the same, then rushed past me before I could even start moving. I was about to chase after her when I heard Monika's voice from behind me.
"Alex, I still need you to talk to Sayori later. I need her to open up to me, and you're the only one who can do that." I turned around to face Monika, then gave her a reassuring smile.
"Don't worry, Monika. I promise I'll talk to her. We're in this together, right?" I began to pick up my backpack as Monika spoke again.
"We have one shot, Alex. We can't screw this up." She explained. I began to walk away, but continued to speak to Monika.
"One shot is all I need." I waved to her. "See you tomorrow." I walked over to the doorway where Mc, Sayori, and Natsuki were all waiting for me. Natsuki had her arms crossed and was pouting at me.
"Took you long enough." She complained. I was tempted to pat her on the head to annoy her, but I refrained from doing so.
*Five minutes later*
Mc led us down the corridor and threw open the double doors exiting the school. Once we were outside, Sayori caught up with him and began to chat. I found it so funny how Sayori always wanted to be standing next to him. I smiled in amusement at her actions and saw something out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head to see Tiffany running towards us at full speed. Natsuki, Mc, and Sayori seemed to notice her too and promptly stopped in their tracks. We all waited until Tiffany was right in front of us, bent over and breathing heavily in exhaustion.
"I... caught... up..." She spoke in between deep breaths. We were all confused by her being there. She wasn't in any clubs, so there wasn't any reason for her to be at school that late.
"Why are you still at school? Did you already join a club?" I inquired. Tiffany held up a finger in a 'give me a second here' gesture and took a few more seconds to catch her breath. When she was finally done almost hyperventilating, she stood up straight and explained.
"I had some extra work that I needed to get done, so I was doing it on that bench over there." She pointed to a bench over in the corner of the school property. "I was hoping to walk back with you guys, and I just so happened to finish when I saw you walking out the doors. I rushed over here as fast as I could."
"Yeah, we could all figure out that last part on our own." I joked. "So, you want to come with us?" I waved her over. She smiled.
"Sure! Oh, Mc?" She rushed over to Mc as soon as we started moving again, walking next to him and probably unleashing a torrent of questions that Natsuki and I couldn't hear. I wondered how she recovered from what happened during geography, but those thoughts were quickly put aside as Tiffany, Mc, and Sayori crossed the gate out of the school property. As soon as they crossed the threshold, Tiffany was grabbed by a pair of invading hands and violently dragged to the side. Mc and Sayori turned and tried to help her, but they were pushed away by another pair of hands.
"You thought that was the end of that, now didn't you?" A voice screamed from around the corner. I sighed in anger, easily recognizing the voice. I rushed over to the gateway and sure enough, over to the right were Okane and Chad, Chad holding Tiffany from behind with an arm around her neck.
This time, I didn't even give them the chance to notice I was there. I bolted forward and reared my fist back, poised to strike. Tiffany's head was right next to Chad's, so I had to be careful. Okane was the first to notice I was there, but he only noticed as my fist connected with Chad's face. I didn't put any lateral motion into my punch so as to not hit Tiffany. Instead, I un-balled my fist and brought it back, grabbing the back of Tiffany's head as I did so.
The hit that Chad had just took caused his grip to loosen, allowing me to pull Tiffany away from them. I maneuvered mine and Tiffany's bodies so that she was behind me. Okane snapped out of his sudden confusion and started towards me just as I was bringing my leg up. I thrust my foot forward, catching him right in the chest and he staggered backward. Both Chad and Okane were now on the ground, but they were already pushing themselves to their feet.
As soon as they were upright, I grabbed the sides of their heads before they could do anything. I pulled their heads away from each other a little, then threw their craniums against each other as hard as I could. They bounced off after suffering from the collision, and I relaxed my arms to allow them to keep moving.
My hands eventually found themselves in between Okane's and Chad's heads. I parted my hands and struck Okane and Chad in the heads once more, knocking them both away from the other. Chad fell on his side to my right, and Okane did the same to my left. This entire series of events took place in about ten seconds, and they were stunned by it. I turned around to face Tiffany and the others.
"Hey, are you alright?" I asked. Tiffany smiled graciously.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks." Her expression changed to one of worry and she looked past me. I turned around and saw Chad helping Okane up. He was looking at me with seething anger.
"Fucking Eskimo!" He screamed. "Ever since you came here, you've been nothing but trouble! Defending those lower creatures, and the n****r!" I gritted my teeth in anger and stomped towards Chad, who had just finished getting Okane to his feet. I clasped my right hand around his neck and held him up. Okane backed away and I pointed my left index finger right in front of Chad's face.
"What did I say would happen if you said that again?" I angrily asked him. He didn't respond. "No? Well, I suppose I'll have to remind you: I will shove your skull down your fucking throat. Now listen up: I don't make threats. I make promises. And saying I've been nothing but trouble? Don't make me laugh! Ever since I met you two assholes, you've done nothing but insult, bully, and assault everyone that isn't Japanese, white, and male. The fact that YOU of all people are accusing me of being nothing but trouble is the thing that REALLY pisses me off. So, consider this a warning, because the next time, you won't be so lucky."
I let go of Chad's neck and he fell on his ass, a shaken expression on his face. He quickly scrambled to his feet and ran down the road, passing by Okane, who still had the terrified 'thousand-yard stare' look on his face. I gave him a threatening stare, and he rushed down the street after Chad. From behind me, I could hear Natsuki's voice saying: "Holy shit..."
*Thirty minutes later*
Nothing really happened between that event and arriving at Mc's house. We talked and joked along the way as usual, but Sayori strangely stayed absent from our conversations, instead opting to stay in the back and follow along silently. For some reason, no one really took any notice of Sayori's sudden change in personality, but I knew better. Her depression was finally beginning to catch up to her. I HAD to talk to her tonight, or she would be dead by Monday. Mc's voice jolted me out of my thoughts.
"Alright, see you later!" He waved goodbye to Sayori, Natsuki, and Tiffany as we made our way to his front door. "So, you had another encounter with Chad and Okane earlier, huh? From what it sounds like, that wasn't the first time they called her the N-word." He asked as he unlocked the door.
"Yup. I found her being pinned up on one of the lockers by Chad on my way to lunch today. She kicked Chad in the crotch to get free, but that only made him angrier, and that's when he said it. You should know the rest." I explained. Mc finished unlocking his door and gestured to let me inside. I waved him off.
"No thanks, I'll stay out here for a bit. I haven't been in the best shape recently, so I'll probably go for a jog." Mc looked skeptical.
"Not in the best shape? You've won three fights one-on-two in the past three days." He pointed out. I sighed.
"That wasn't strength. That was tactics. I knew what to do during the fights to get around my lack of strength." I lied. Mc shrugged, my excuse seeming to satisfy him.
"Alright, then. See you later." He waved at me as he walked inside.
"See you." I waved back as he closed the door. I didn't hear a locking sound, which made sense. Why did I check to see if he locked it? I don't know. Paranoia? Probably. Anyway, I turned to the direction of Sayori's house when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and answered it, knowing it could only be one person.
"Sup, Monika?" I greeted.
"Hello, Alex. Have you talked to Sayori yet?" Monika asked.
"I just got back to Mc's place. I was just about to go over to Sayori's to talk to her." I said.
"Okay, call me when you're done." She requested. I nodded, then remembered that I was talking to her on the phone.
"Got it." I hung up, then began down the street to the house next door.
I walked until I was standing directly in front of Sayori's front door. Just like Mc's house, there only appeared to be one person living there. This confirmed that Sayori didn't live with her parents either. I rung the doorbell and waited, but no one answered. I tried again, but the same thing happened. Curious, I tried the doorknob. It was unlocked. I smiled to myself.
'You can't even remember to lock your own door? Well, that makes this easier, then.'
I froze, thinking about the morals about what I was about to do. Was it really right to just barge into her house uninvited? Then again, Mc would always do it when they were younger, so... Ah, fuck it.
I opened the door and walked into what seemed to be a carbon copy of Mc's house. It had the same layout and everything. Against my better judgment, I called out.
"Sayori?" I called out to nowhere in particular. My voice echoed throughout the empty halls, but no one responded. I was beginning to get agitated. Monika said that every world she lived through was different from the last. Could this mean that Sayori killed herself before she was supposed to? I panicked. Already knowing the layout of the house, I rushed inside and up the stairs to the second floor. I ran down the hallway, but stopped in front of a door halfway.
The door was pink, with yellow flowers adorning it as decorations. No doubt about it, this was Sayori's room. She never grows up internally, so it made sense.
"Sayori?" I whispered through the door. No response. This situation seemed familiar, but I couldn't do anything about it. Not only did it remind me of the final moments Mc went through before finding Sayori hanging by the neck, but it also reminded me of when I found my sister in the exact same position. I had no choice, I had to go in, even if it was a breach of her privacy. I slowly moved my hand to the doorknob, grabbing it gently. I turned the knob inch-by-inch until it wouldn't turn any more. I took a deep breath in preparation for what I was about to do.
I slowly opened the door...
And breathed a sigh of relief. Sayori was in her bed, perfectly fine. She was sitting up, staring at me in disbelief. However, that relief didn't last long when I noticed her face.
It was difficult to see, and I had no doubt that Mc would've missed it had he were there, but if you looked close enough, you could see tear tracks going down Sayori's face. Her face was red, probably from a combination of crying and me opening the door to her room uninvited. We stared at each other for about ten seconds before she said something.
"A-Alex? W-what are you doing here?" She asked. Her voice sounded a bit washed out, probably a side-effect from her crying. The view of her like this broke my heart. I had to make this right.
"S-sorry, but I really needed to talk to you in private." I explained. "It's really important." Sayori sat there, confused. Not knowing what to do next, I did the most natural thing anyone would do in this situation: I walked over to her bed and sat next to her.
"Alex... what is this?" Sayori looked even more confused, so I just gave it blunt to her.
"Sayori... I'm just going to be frank with you. I know about your depression." I admitted. Sayori didn't say or do anything. She just turned her head forward again and stopped. Since she wasn't saying anything, I chose to fill in the space on silence.
"I'm not as dense as Mc, Sayori. You've been so cheerful in public, but this afternoon, you just shut down." Sayori said nothing. "If you really think that no one cares about you, then you have no idea about any of us. If you're going through a hard time, then you have to tell us." Sayori slowly turned her head to me. She looked like she was on the verge of tears.
"That's just the thing, Alex." She said. "I don't want anyone's help. Whenever someone tried to help me with these things, it just feels like a spear is being driven into my heart. I just can't take it when people waste their time on me!" She broke down into tears, burying her face in her hands. I sighed, then put my hand on her back.
"Sayori, helping you isn't a waste of people's time. I know how you feel, because I've gone through what you're going through before." Sayori looked at me in shock as I said those words. "I have depression too, Sayori." Sayori stared at me, tears streaming down her face. After ten seconds, she lunged forward and wrapped her arms around me, crying into my school blazer.
"A-Alex... I... don't..." She tried to speak, but the words got caught up in her throat. I patted the back of her head.
"Shhhh... It's alright." I comforted her. Sayori continued to sob for a few minutes as I stayed there and comforted her. Finally, she pulled away and looked at me.
"H-how did you know?" She asked as she wiped away her tears. I sighed and debated in my head what to tell her.
"You see, Sayori... Monika also knows about your depression. She told me on my first day here, and we've been trying to work together to help you through it." I lied. Sayori looked surprised, but then went back to sad.
"S-she put you up to this, didn't she?!" She screamed. "She's been trying to get me to open up, but I've refused each and every time! I don't need help! I don't deserve it!" She bent over, sobbing heavily. "I'm not worth it..." She began to sob even harder, which I didn't even know was possible. I put my hand on her back, but she slapped it away.
'Welp,' I thought, 'time to bring out the big guns.'
"Sayori, watch." I told her. She looked up and stopped sobbing, but the tears kept coming. I wiped them off her face, and when I was sure they were gone, I got up.
"Alex?" Sayori sounded confused, and for good reason. I didn't respond, and instead wordlessly began walking towards her desk in the corner of the room. Sayori said nothing, but I could tell that she was worried.
I stopped in front of the desk, looking at the top drawer. I really hoped that it was in there, or else this wouldn't work. I slowly brought my hand to the drawer knob and pulled. It opened with a loud squeak and I stared at the object inside. I reached into the drawer and grabbed onto the object. I pulled back and out came a two-foot long length of rope with a loop at the end: a noose. I turned back to Sayori, who had a mortified expression on her face, and walked back. I sat back down on the bed next to her as she stared at me.
"A-Alex... H-how..." Sayori tried to talk, but the words wouldn't come out. I looked at her sadly and sighed deeply.
"This isn't the first time I've seen someone close to me take the steps towards suicide." Tears began to stream down my face as I spoke. "Sayori, please... I can't lose you, too." The tears came back in Sayori's eyes, almost trying to match mine. Then, even faster than last time, Sayori lunged forward and threw her arms around me. She cried loudly, giving out sobs of despair. I dropped the noose and returned the embrace.
"Alex, why do you and Monika care about me so much? I'm just a waste of space!" Sayori questioned. I shook my head at her.
"Listen, Sayori. All life has meaning, and yours is no exception. Monika and I... we also know about your crush on Mc." Sayori gasped, but didn't say anything. "You felt sad when he began to fall for Yuri, and you just couldn't take it." I deduced. Without taking her face out of my blazer, Sayori began to answer.
"No, you have it wrong, Alex." Sayori pulled away and looked me with an obviously fake smile. "I've been planning this for a long time. I just wanted to make sure Mc had someone other than me before I did it. I was going to do it Friday night, just after helping Monika with the club event flyers." I felt betrayed. Not by Sayori herself, but what she was saying. She was talking about her own suicide as if it were some sort of doctor's appointment!
"I always felt selfish." Sayori continued. "I pressured Mc into joining the literature club because I wanted to spend more time with him." She weakly laughed. "I don't deserve your kindness." The things she was saying... the way she was acting... I'd seen it before. It reminded me of my sister in the days before her death. She said such bad things about herself with a fake smile, blaming herself for our parents' deaths when she couldn't have done anything about it. It was then that I noticed something.
"Sayori... you're like a sister to me, and I'm sure Mc thinks the exact same. Don't you think it'd hurt someone if they'd lost their sister?" I asked. Sayori pondered this for a few seconds before responding.
"What do I do?" She inquired. "How do I get people to stop worrying about me?" I brought my hand up and rested it on her shoulder, looking her directly in the eyes.
"You find help with your depression." I said. "Open up to Monika and let her help you. You don't need to tell anyone else about it until you're ready." Sayori looked at me surprisingly graciously, then lunged forward and encased me into another one of her bone-crushing hugs. This time, however, she didn't squeeze as hard.
"You were talking about Caitlyn, weren't you?" I heard Sayori ask. I looked down at her in shock, barely able to keep the memories away.
"H-how did you know?" I inquired incredulously. Sayori shrugged playfully.
"Lucky guess." She smiled, then went back to an instant frown. "I'm sorry for your loss. If it makes you feel any better, I promise I'll get help from Monika." Sayori leaned further into me, a warm smile now replacing her sad frown. I patted the top of her head, earning myself a giggle from Sayori.
"Would you like to come over? I'm sure Mc would love to spend some more time with you." Sayori pulled away and looked at me with a smile.
"No thanks, I should go to bed early. I haven't been getting much sleep recently." Sayori politely declined. I smiled back at her.
"Suit yourself, and promise me you'll open up to Monika tomorrow." I requested. Sayori enthusiastically nodded.
"Okay! You should also probably leave now. My parents will have a lot of questions if I tell them I had a boy in my room." She teased.
"Wait, what? I thought you lived alone." I said. Sayori giggled.
"I do!" She said playfully. "Now get moving! I'll be fine in the morning!" I was a bit hesitant, but I reluctantly abided with her request. I left her bedroom (making sure to take the noose with me) and bade her farewell. Leaving her house, I made sure to drop the noose into Mc's trash bin at the end of the walkway for the garbage truck to pick up. I looked up and noticed how long I'd been in Sayori's house. It was already dark, and a quick look at my watch confirmed the time as being 9:00. I rushed into Mc's house as fast as I could.
Mc had already gone to bed by the time I was inside, but he left out a plate of sushi with a note talking about how I hadn't been back when he made supper. His choice of dish for supper was interesting, but he made a joke about it being 'the only Japanese food you're guaranteed to know about'. I mean, he wasn't wrong.
Anyway, after eating, I made my way to my room and sat down at my desk. Before starting my next poem, I pulled out my phone and dialed Monika. After two rings, she answered.
"Alex? Did it go well?" She asked before I could say anything.
"It went perfectly." I told her. "She said she'll open up to you tomorrow." I heard a sigh of relief from the other end.
"Oh, thank god. Alex, you probably just saved her life." I smiled to myself.
"Yeah, that was kind of my goal." I joked.
"I'll see you tomorrow. I can't talk now. Bye!" She hung up on me. I sighed to myself as I picked up a pencil and started my next poem.
You should know what happened after that. I finished the poem, read Natsuki's manga, and laid down to rest. Before I could close my eyes, however, I heard my phone buzz. I leaned over and picked it up, glaring at the screen. It was a text from Sayori? How did she get my number? Then again, they already knew about Caitlyn, so I guessed it wasn't THAT far-fetched they would already have my phone number too. Opening the app, I read over Sayori's message.
Sayori: Thanks for the talk today, Alex. I really needed it. As payment, you get my full hope that you and Nat live a long and happy life together! (;
I smiled to myself as I put my phone back on my side table, amused by Sayori's attempt at teasing. I pulled the covers over myself, thinking about the days to come. I'd gotten Natsuki to trust me quite a bit, but would it really be enough to get her to open up to me about her dad? Only time would tell. As I drifted off, my thoughts wandered to a single phrase, one that Sayori would NOT be saying for once:
Sayonara...
(Author's Note: This amazing new cover art for "Not This Time" was made by my good friend CaperKramer! You can find him lurking in the reviews for "Not This Time", and I give him full credit for this awesome cover!)