Chapter 1: The Everyday Adventure

Part 1

After leaving the guild hall, I spent a few hours wasting time around town. By the time I got back to the mansion it was the afternoon.

"I'm home!"

"Welcome back, Satou-sama," the maid said with a slight nod.

"Ah, Kazuma, you're back." It was our resident noble lady.

"Ah, Lalatina, you're here," I said half mockingly as I sat on the couch.

Darkness, who was going through some papers, shielded her embarrassed face behind the one she was currently holding.

"Honestly," I said, "with how much I call you by your name you'd think you'd be used to it already."

Darkness placed the paper on the coffee table with a frown. "My embarrassing name aside, it's the connotation with which it's used that makes it hard to get used to."

"Hmm, that so." I laid down. "Where are the other two?"

"Huh, oh, um…I believe they're still working."

"Working? Ah, that's right…that debt they racked up. Speaking of, how're you guys doing on that front, any progress?"

Darkness sighed. "Barely any."

I smirked. "Now you guys understand my plight; it's not easy paying off a debt, is it?"

"No, it isn't…but don't think I don't know that. You seem to forget that my family was in debt to Alderp."

"As if I'd forget the day that I spent all my fortune to buy you back from that evil guy. It was the day that Lalatina was finally true to herself and fell head over heels for me."

"H-Head over…" Darkness covered her face once more.

"Satou-sama."

"Hmm, what is it?"

"A letter arrived from the capital; it's from the Royal Smith."

"Holt-sensei?"

As she handed me the letter, I sat up. Breaking the envelope, I withdrew the letter inside and read it to myself.

"…ah, I was wondering when it'd be done." I handed the letter back to the maid and laid back down. "You can throw it away."

She nodded and went off to do just that.

"What did it say?" Darkness queried.

"It was actually about your armor."

"My armor; what about it? Did Master Holt finish it?"

"Well, he said because of certain obligations to the King he had to stop. So, while he finished the bulk of it, he sent it off the Crimson Village to have it finalized."

"Ah, so the blacksmith of the village will have it done."

"Umu, seems so. The oji-san of the village does a good job so I'm not too worried; especially since Holt-sensei basically finished most of it."

"So, does that mean we're going back to the Crimson Village?"

"Eventually."

Darkness sighed.

"Hm, you dread going there too, Lalatina?"

With reddened ear tips, Darkness replied, "I'm somewhat worried…but for different reasons."

"Oh, and what might that be?"

"W-Well…I-I, I…was wondering if…if next time we go, you could, you and Megumin, if…you guys could…not sleep in the…same…room?"

"…I mean, it's not like I'm the one that makes that happen anyways."

"T-That's true, but—"

"Look, Darkness…Lalatina, it's not like I'll have much of a choice in the matter. Yuiyui-san will probably force us into another risqué situation—especially now that me and Megumin have gotten married."

As I said this, I felt an overwhelming sense of foreboding fall over me.

"W-Well, how about if Megumin doesn't go?"

"Are you serious? I can't imagine what she'll say if we went to the village without her."

"Well, how about if me and you go; we could leave her with Aqua."

"Even if I was to agree, Megumin hasn't even seen her parents since the wedding; don't you think that'll be a bit messed up if we just went without her?"

Darkness looked down, dejectedly twiddling her fingers.

"Anyways, how desperate are you to be alone with me? If that's the case, why don't we just go up to your room right now?"

"W-What are you talking about; I'm not desperate! Besides, even if I did take you up on that, it-it isn't like you'd let me do anything anyways."

"See, what you're lacking in is assertiveness; with an attitude like that you'll never get what you want."

"I-I don't want to hear that from you!"

I shrugged. "Well, it's not like it matters; this version of Lalatina is nice too."

"Ugh, to be lectured and teased by someone younger than me…"

As our hopeless pervert shuddered, Chomusuke wandered over to the foot of the couch; she was biting on something fervently.

"Hey, Chomusuke, what are you gnawing on?" I sat up to get a closer look.

Noticing the item in question, Darkness spoke first. "Hey, Kazuma, isn't that one of Aqua's rocks?"

"Ah, it is, isn't it?" I stared at the rock with indifference until another revelation hit me. "Wait, isn't this the rock that Megumin gave to Aqua?"

"Oh, wait, that is it," She said, slightly surprised by the reveal.

As much as I didn't really mind what happened to Aqua's belongings, this was a gift for her birthday given to her by Megumin; it wouldn't really sit well with me to see it destroyed after Megumin paid some money for it. And so, I picked up Chomusuke who was still gnawing on the item without a care in the world and tried to coerce the feline to release it.

"Hey, Chomusuke, wanna let go of that? It's a gift from your crazy master to the annoying blue thing; I'm sure if she saw you doing that to it, she'd be pretty angry."

However, Chomosuke, seemingly unaffected by my warning, continued to chew away at the rock, its powdery white surface flaking away with each pass.

I sighed, and then tried to remove the rock, but Chomusuke quickly hissed at me, a small cloud of embers coalescing from its mouth in threat. Needless to say, I stopped; I wasn't that bothered by it. Besides, it wasn't my rock anyways—and now that I remember, Megumin wasn't that concerned with Holt destroying back then either. That's right, there was little reason for me to risk being hurt over such a thing. Still, to think this little guy would get so worked up over a rock; guess it just one of those cat things.

Just then, the front door flew open and in came Megumin, the annoying blue thing, Yunyun, and the store attendant, Gren.

"I still don't understand why you insist on trying to blow everything up, Megumin?! Can't you show a bit of restraint?!" Yunyun yelled as they walked in.

"What are you talking about, Yunyun; in the end, I didn't even cast Explosion."

"Only because I stopped you!"

"Alright, quit being so noisy; people are going to file noise complaints."

Yunyun stared in disbelief at the incredible remark this girl just made. Really, this girl…

All the while, Gren, who stood in the back, smiled, and then giggled quietly. When her eyes caught my gaze, she bowed and said, "How are you, Kazuma-sama?"

"Ah, I'm fine," I answered, and then turning to Megumin, asked, "Hey, what's going on; you guys having another girl's night'?"

Megumin waved Yunyun off as she was still arguing with her. "It's still the early afternoon, Kazuma; no, I simply invited Gren-san over because that devil barely gives her a chance to go out."

"T-That's not…true," Gren said with increasing difficulty. "V-Vanir-san allows me ample time; however, I wish to be of service to him and…" Her voice trailed off inaudibly.

"We're happy to have you, Gren-san," Darkness said with a serene smile I've rarely seen her use.

The maid seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Going through routine, she greeted everyone, and then asked if they wanted food. The girls accepted, after which, she went off to accomplish said task.

"Hey," Aqua said; she was staring at Chomusuke. "Isn't that my rock?!"

"Ah, so it is," I replied nonchalantly.

Aqua lunged at Chomusuke who promptly hissed and began to scratch her furiously; to be honest, Chomusuke would do this at the best of times, so I didn't really think anything of it. To my surprise, Megumin seemed to take such an affront quite personally.

"Chomusuke," she yelled, "let go of it, right now!"

However, the cat, who was currently tied in a serious bout with a would-be goddess paid no mind to its master's call.

"Hey, you! I command you—your master commands you to—hey! HEY!"

As Megumin reached for Chomusuke, the creature jumped back and hissed loudly, its fur standing on end. Then, in the momentary surprise, it grabbed the rock and scurried off into the mansion.

All of us looked at each other with varying levels of bewilderment. Seeing Megumin's troubled expression I believed she was about to break down, however, her eyes glowed red as she pouted angrily.

"That familiar of mine believes it can just embarrass its master and run away; I won't have it!" She whipped towards Yunyun. "Yunyun, come; we must capture it and teach it a lesson!"

"Huh, what, but it's just—" But Megumin, in her fit of rage, ran off into the interior of the mansion before Yunyun could finish.

"AHHHH!" Aqua yelled angrily. "All I wanted was to come home and have a nice bath and now that dumb creature has ruined my mood! How dare it sully a goddess' possession and body; I won't stand for it. Today is the day I teach that black furball some manners! Megumin, wait for me!"

"Ohhh, Megumin, wait!" Yunyun said, as she trailed after Aqua.

Now, the three of us who were left in the living room stared silently at each other.

As I pressed a palm to my forehead, I thought, "Ugh, what a mess this is."

With the commotion happening there was no way I could relax, so I reluctantly decided to help them catch Chomusuke.

"Oi, I'm here to hel—"

"Kazuma, she's going your way!" Megumin cried out, "Get her, get her!"

Indeed, the black little creature was barreling towards me with no intention of stopping, odd rock clutched tightly in its jaws.

As Chomusuke was about to run through my legs, I dropped to my knees and scooped her up in one fell swoop. Of course, she wasn't too happy about this and wriggled about furiously.

"Ah, you got her," Megumin said, catching her breath.

Yunyun and Aqua showed up shortly after, followed by Gren and Darkness.

"Alright, you, that's enough!" Megumin said as she grabbed Chomusuke from me.

Even though she was caught, Chomusuke refused to give up the rock; she twisted her head away from every attempt to take it from her. Finally, fed up with her defiance, Megumin grabbed the poor creature by its cheeks and pulled. With its face being stretched every which way, Chomusuke could no longer hold on to the stone. As it loosened, Megumin pried it free.

"Got it—ow!" Both Chomusuke and the strange rock fell to the ground as Megumin flinched in pain.

"Hey, you alright?" I asked.

Megumin stared at her hand for any signs of damage, but seeing none, replied, "Yeah, I think I'm—" Then, she abruptly stumbled backwards, catching herself mere moments before falling.

"Oi."

Aqua stepped towards Megumin to examine her. After a few seconds of this she cast Heal.

Despite Aqua's healing, Megumin checked herself once more. "That's odd," She said, still looking for any signs of a presumed wound.

"What is?" I asked.

"I felt a sort of shock when I grabbed the rock."

"Shock?"

We all looked at the rock lying on the ground. Aqua went to carelessly pick it up.

"Wait!"

However, she already held it in her hand. After some quick examination, she opened her mouth in surprise.

"Huh, what is it; did you figure something out?"

"Look," she said, showing me the rock, "this side is sort of clean now!"

It was as Aqua said, there was a small portion of the rock which bore no white crust. A deep purple gem seemed to be housed within.

"What is that, a gem?"

"Ah, it could be. It looks really nice. Definitely fit to be part of my collection now. Seems like all that washing I did paid off."

Megumin, who was still nursing her hand, stared at the rock, and then at Aqua. "Don't you feel anything?" She queried. "You haven't gotten any shock or pain from it?"

Aqua glanced at Megumin, and then back at the rock. She shook her head. "Nope…nothing."

I crossed my arms. "That's odd. Well, hey, Megumin, maybe you just grabbed a rough edge or something; poked yourself."

"Hmm, maybe," She said, still rubbing her fingers.

Even more odd was the fact that the creature which they've been chasing after all this time, the same creature who became unruly, was now, all of a sudden, calm.

Aqua turned to it and mockingly showed off the rock in her hand. "Ha! Now I have it. How do you feel about that, you impertinent beast?"

Chomusuke paid her little mind, turning away and rubbing herself against Megumin's legs affectionately.

"Huh, are you feeling remorseful for the trouble you caused your master, little one?" She picked her up. "Well, I suppose I can forgive you this time."

I nodded as I seemed to remember an old saying; pets definitely take after their owners.

After the atmosphere relaxed a bit, we headed back to the living room. It was relatively quiet for some time, with bits of conversation interspersed between the lulls.

Then, Aqua, who was playing with Zell, let out a huff. As we turned our attention to her, she sat up.

"I'm gonna take a bath. I say we all should."

"Umu, not a bad idea," Megumin said with a nod. Her brow narrowed slightly as she stared at Yunyun beside her. "You have clothing this time, right?"

"Ah—w-well, I, I wasn't really planning on—"

"So that's a no." Megumin sighed deeply. "Really, how irresponsible can you be, Yunyun? I suppose I can lend you some clothing."

Yunyun grumbled in embarrassment.

"Speaking of," Darkness interjected. "Gren-san, where are you currently staying?"

"Oh, um, I'm staying at the shop," She replied timidly. "It helps with being on time."

"Ah," Darkness said somewhat remorsefully. "Well…"

Perhaps noticing this, Gren quickly spoke. "D-Don't worry, it's actually quite a nice spot and I share the room with Wiz-san so…"

"Oh, is that so? I suppose it's not too bad, then."

I raised my brow in doubt. If anything, that piece of information was more concerning; after all, Wiz really didn't have much money to rent anything out and being undead there was little need for creature comforts. Which meant that wherever she called home was very basic, likely possessing the barebones necessities to make it livable, let alone comfortable.

"Unfortunately, I don't have any spare clothing with me, so, if you'll allow me, I'll go back to the shop and get some. You're welcome to start without me."

"It's alright, Gren-san, we can wait," Megumin replied.

"Wait!" Yunyun yelled in disbelief. "If that's the case, let me go too; I can tele—"

"Really, Yunyun," Megumin interrupted, "how inconsiderate are you? Here I am offering you clothing to wear, and you simply disregard this kind gesture."

"B-But you said—"

Megumin let out a loud sigh. "Haaaahhh, this is what I get for trying to be a good friend."

I stared at her with cynicism. I'm fairly convinced that Megumin is a sadist.

Although Yunyun covered her face in response, the soft whimpers she let out were damning enough.

After Gren left, I turned to Megumin and said, "Oi, don't you get tired of picking on your only friend?"

"Huh?! O-Only friend, w-what are you talking about, Kazuma?! I'll have you know there are many people who look up to me!"

"Really? Anyone who looks up to you must be a true maniac."

Megumin stared at me, her mouth agape. "A-At the very least, I can say that Aqua and Darkness are both my friends."

"Oh, does that really count though?" I turned to Darkness. "Oi, Darkness, you consider Yunyun your friend, right?"

"Hm? Oh, of course; Yunyun is a good girl."

"Ah, ok. Yo, Aqua, how about you?"

The goddess in question was currently grooming her pet chicken and gave a barely attentive response. "Uh, Yunyun, sure, she's fine."

"Ah, I see, I see." I turned my attention to the increasingly nervous Megumin and smirked. "It seems like both Aqua and Darkness think of Yunyun as a friend, which means, you're both in the same boat. And as it just so happens, I also think of Yunyun as a good friend."

"K-Kazuma-kun," Yunyun said with joyful tears.

Megumin laughed nervously. "Ah, I see, b-but you seem to be forgetting something!"

"Oh? What's that?"

Megumin sneered confidently. "You and Yunyun might be friends, but you're my husband which means I'm worth much more by comparison."

"…I don't think that's how it works. Besides, wouldn't that just disqualify me as a potential friend; that seems like you're cheating the system."

"What are you talking about, Kazuma! Husbands and wives can still be friends; in fact, they, at the very least, should be friends. In any case, this conversation is pointless. I've had friends. Yunyun on the other hand has struggled all her life to make any."

"Hey, I'm right here, you know?!"

"It's not like it matters; the number of friends one has isn't a measure of their worth."

"Says the person who started this entire argument," I remarked.

Yunyun interjected. "In-In any case, I'm going back to the village to get some spare clothing!"

Megumin frowned. "It's not like you're staying here, so why bother, just wear the same one you have on."

Yunyun's jaw flapped repeatedly as she stared at the crazy mage beside her spout such a questionable reply. Once again, she covered her face; however, the red glow on her skin was easily visible.

Megumin, who was now grinning proudly, continued. "Is there a problem, Yunyun? It shouldn't be a problem, or are you saying the ones you're wearing right now are—"

"Th-That's enough, that's enough!" She squealed in embarrassment; her hands flailing to cover Megumin's mouth. "Why must you say such things in front of Kazuma-kun?!"

I shrugged. "I don't mind."

"You should mind!" Both of them retorted.

BWAAAAK! Emperor Zell cawed loudly, his body puffing up in anger, its wings flaring apart in tandem.

"Ah, Zell, honey, please calm down; mommy can't groom your beautiful pelt when you get like this." Aqua shot us a damning glare. "Can you guys keep it down?"

"How about you tell that to your bird first," I replied with my own brow knit.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Kazuma; I don't see any birds here, only a majestic white dragon. Or maybe you're too blind and stupid to realize that!"

"Ah, I forgot you got rocks for eyes; should I describe what you're holding in detail?"

"Shut up, you miserable hikiNEET! My godly eyes see everything perfectly!"

You know, I used to think gods were unable to get illnesses, but having lived with one for so long, I was seriously starting to second-guess this.

Suddenly, the door to the kitchen opened.

"The food is done. Would you like me to serve it now?" the maid asked.

Darkness answered. "No, Irene, not yet; we're still waiting on Gren-san to return."

Coincidently, Gren returned at that very moment.

"I'm back. Sorry, I took so long. Have you all bathed yet?"

"Not yet," Darkness replied. "The food is ready, but it can wait till after."

Gren nodded in understanding.

"Alright, let's go," Megumin announced as she got up. She then turned to me with a scowl on her face. "And, no peeking; I'll poke them out if I catch you."

"Oi, really, just who do you think I am?"

"You have some nerve to ask that after what you pulled in the past."

"The past is the past. I'm a changed man; many things have happened between then and now."

Megumin stared at me with skepticism, but after a couple of seconds, she relented. "Alright, I feel a bit foolish for doing something like this, but I'll take you at your word."

"Humph, it seems I was a little quick to judge you based on your rash behavior"—she frowned—"but as the most normal companion in this party, I knew you'd understand."

Perhaps it shouldn't have come as a surprise, but my comments left them glowering at me.

With the girls taking a shower, I thought it would be a good time for me to head over to the café. Initially, I thought about taking a nap, but taking another moment to think on it further, if I were to relax and fall asleep wouldn't it be better to do it under the influence of a sweet dream? The succubi were truly selfless; they took so little and offered so much. Indeed, sometimes I felt that simply being a customer was not enough. And so, I made up my mind and went on my way.

As I walked through the familiar streets, I overheard people talking about the upcoming holiday. Of course, they were talking about Iris-chan's birthday. Being my beloved little sister, I hadn't forgotten about such an important day; however, I was recently troubled by the thoughts of what to get her. When I last tried to use the Teleport Station to get to the capital, I was told they were suspended due to the high flow of traffic they were receiving. So, whatever I chose to get Iris, it would have to come from Axel. Again, I felt I would be getting her something inadequate…and that thought made me somewhat depressed.

I let out a deep sigh and closed my eyes. "It'll be alright, Kazuma, the succubi onee-sans will relieve you of your troubles."

When I opened them once more, I saw someone I was well acquainted with; a someone who had a knack for dragging me into troublesome situations despite her very nature; it was my silver-haired companion, the disguised goddess, the thief, Chris. She seemed to be staring down the alley that led to Wiz's shop.

"Oi, Chris, what are you—"

She quickly snapped out her trance and latched onto my arm. "Ah, Kazuma-kun, just the person I needed to speak with."

"Wait, what?"

Chris pulled me into the alleyway, slightly out of sight. After she peeked out to make sure she caught no one's attention, she turned to me with knit brows.

"Hey, what's wrong, why are you staring at me like that?"

Chris folded her arms in disbelief, her expression reflecting the same. "I have several things I need to speak to you about."

"Eh, really?" I said, scratching my head. "Can't it wait? I was on my way to somewhere important."

Seemingly ignoring my reply, Chris leaned in closely and pointed at me in an accusatory manner. "What's this I hear about you protecting that devil in the mascot suit?"

"Huh?" Then it struck me; she must've been talking about Zereschrute. "Protecting?! What—who told you I was—"

"Megumin did."

"Megu—that damn girl! Look, I'm not really protecting him. It's just that if he were to disappear it'd make things complicated for me and the others."

Chris still appeared wholly unconvinced; she shifted her hands to her hips. "Mhm, Megumin told me something like that." After a couple moments of me looking a bit ashamed, Chris sighed, and then crossing her arms once more, said, "I'll overlook this incident on the fact that you've helped me out quite a bit; however, you shouldn't place too much trust in undead and devils, Kazuma-kun."

I laughed, a hint of nervousness buried within my chuckle; if only she knew how close she was to the town's two most prominent.

"That being said," Chris continued, "that sick girl I was taking care of during the monster attack gave me this card." She pulled out said card from her top and showed it to me. "She said she runs a business with that other masked guy. Odd thing is, whenever I pass this alleyway, I always get this weird ominous feeling. Come to think of it, I recall feeling the same when I was near them."

I quickly grabbed her and began to lead her back into the main street. "It's just your imagination."

With a sharp tug, Chris pulled away and stared at me suspiciously. "Is there something you're hiding from me, Kazuma-kun?"

"Wha, what'd give you that idea?" I tried to stem the mounting nervousness in my voice.

If Aqua was unreasonable the first time they met, I could only imagine how the devil-hating, undead-purging, Goddess of Luck and Fortune would be; certainly, them meeting would be a disaster.

Chris narrowed her eyes in further suspicion. Why were all the girls I knew giving me such looks; even someone like me would be hurt by such vicious gazes.

She glanced at the card in her hand, and then at me. "Is there a problem with me visiting this store, Kazuma-kun?"

"Huh—uh, no—I-I was just—"

"If it's a problem"—Chris quickly grabbed my arm once more—"then Kazuma-kun would be there by my side, right?"

"Ah, well, I was sorta going—"

"It's not a problem, right, Kazuma-kun?" She said, her eyes purposely piercing my very soul. "There's nothing wrong with me going here, right? No dubious secret about this shop Kazuma-kun is hiding, right?"

I couldn't handle it and swiftly prostrated myself in apology. "Sorry!"

Part 2

After briefly explaining the situation, Chris stared at me in anger. "Why would you hide something like this from me?"

Despite the obvious answer, I couldn't very well tell her that temperament when it came to devils and undead was worse than Aqua's; she'd never live it down.

Chris spoke in between the pause. "And to think that Aqua-senpai is fine with such a situation; what's gotten into her?"

"L-Look, Chris, it's not as bad as you think; setting aside Vanir, Wiz is a nice girl, she hasn't done anything wrong the entire time I've known her; in fact, it's actually the opposite."

Chris was still glaring at me, her arms crossed tightly under each other. "I can't simply let this be. I'll make my own decision once I see this with my own eyes; come, Kazuma-kun."

I sighed deeply as I followed behind. Chris' movement and character seemed to match that of a hitman going in for their target; the fact that she kept a steady hand on her dagger made no effort to dispel this illusion either.

As I approached the door to the shop, Chris shot forward, dagger drawn.

"Welcome!" Vanir said in his usual jovially mocking tone.

"Are you a devil?!" She yelled; the dagger held defensively in front of her. "You're a devil, aren't you?!"

"Oi, Chris," I said, placing a hand on her shoulder, holding her back somewhat.

Vanir rubbed his chin, and then took a glance at me. "Ah, moi sees; so the brat here has told thee?"

"So you are; you admit it," Chris said. I heard her gloves tighten tensely around the dagger's handle.

Vanir stared seriously at her, then he smiled once more. Stepping back and spreading his arms wide, he announced proudly, "That is correct, thief girl who's gotten thee's frilly white underwear stolen by tis brat, Moi is indeed a devil!"

"Ah, h-how dare you bring up such an embarrassing event! Kazuma-kun, let go of me, let me slay this foul-mouthed devil!"

Vanir laughed as I struggled to hold Chris back.

"Ah, such emotions; umu, this serves as a good snack for moi. Anyhow, silver-haired girl who appears like a certain goddess worshipped by the masses, moi is an upstanding citizen of this town. Thee need not worry about moi's intent."

Chris finally pushed herself away from me and angrily pointed at Vanir, saying, "What are you talking about? If you're a devil your intentions are always to extort humankind of their purity; there's no way you're not up to something terrible!"

Suddenly, the other problem emerged from the back of the shop.

"Vanir-san, is there"—Wiz looked over at Chris—"Ah, it's you." She quickly bowed, showing a bright smile. "Thank you for your help last time."

Chris shirked back some. Her threatening demeanor seemed to diminish. "Ah, oh, well, it's not—wait!" She yelled, pulling her dagger up once more. "You're an undead, a lich, right?! You can't hide it; Kazuma-kun here told me everything."

"Oi," I interjected, "don't get me involved with this."

Wiz, who appeared somewhat scared by Chris' aggression, timidly played with her fingers and the hem of her robe. "Umm, I-I am."

"Then you know, as an Eris devotee, I can't let you roam free—either of you!"

"P-Please wait! I understand that I'm an unnatural being that's sinned against the wishes of the gods, b-but I still need to do something here; please, I ask that you tolerate my existence for a little while longer. Once I've completed it, I'll give myself in to the gods and accept whatever punishment that may come with it."

Ah, I heard such a desperate plea for survival before, and it still made me feel bad for her. Why were the gods I knew so unreasonable?

Vanir spoke. "Why are thou being such a nuisance? The debt-racked store owner and I have had the store open for quite some time now and there has been naught a complaint. If thee wishes to continue being a pest then moi will have to contact the authorities."

"Ah?!" Chris' murderous gaze melted instantly. "W-Wait, how could you—I can't believe I'm being scolded by a devil! There's no way the both of you aren't planning something sinister; just because you've done nothing yet doesn't mean you won't in the future!"

"Oi, Chris." I placed a hand on her shoulder once more. "Come on, give it up. I've known these two for quite a while; I can certainly vouch for Wiz's innocence, but even this masked weirdo hasn't done anything to cause concern."

Chris sucked her teeth in defeat. "Fine. I'll let this go for today…but along with that devil in the mascot suit, I'll be keeping an eye on you two; expect more visits from me from now on."

"Moi has no problem with thee visiting; however, if thee wishes to bother moi, be sure to at least buy something, otherwise moi will call the authorities to have thee kicked out for loitering."

Momentarily taken aback by Vanir's brazen remark, Chris was almost reduced to timidity once more before her anger flared up yet again. "Y-You! I won't forget this! I swear on all things heavenly, if I even get one mention of you guys doing something wrong, I'll hunt you down myself! And don't think I won't find out; I'm a thief, I have a wide range of contacts!"

"Oh, a wide range of contacts thee says; is that so? Moi believes this silver-haired girl uses rather dubious means to get her information. Is thee not satisfied in merely doling out threats, but lying too? As a follower of that fledgling goddess does thou behavior not cause thee embarrassment?"

"AH?!" Before Chris could retaliate, I grabbed on to her and began to drag her out of the shop. "You! You piece of—ARRRGGGHHH!"

Though I managed to get us outside, she didn't make it easy, kicking and screaming all the way. Even after, I had to block the entrance to stop her from charging back in.

"Assistant-kun, get out of the way; your boss demands it."

"Oi, come on, Chris, give it a rest already. Don't cause any trouble, alright? Even Aqua agreed to let them be."

Chris sucked her teeth yet again, but this time I could tell she accepted it, although begrudgingly. "Umu, if Aqua-senpai is fine with it…then I guess…I could…let it be as well…for now." She quickly turned her angry gaze at me.

"Hey, what—why are you giving me such a scary look?"

"You aren't hiding any other undead or devils behind my back, are you, Kazuma-kun?!"

"What, of course—" I paused, instantly remembering the succubi.

Chris stared at me in surprise. "There's more?!"

"Uh, uh—n-no…of course not."

She continued to stare at me, brows knit, arms crossed.

"No, I can't tell her. Even to a goddess, I shan't give up those beautiful, caring onee-sans; no matter what. There are few things worse than living life without such services."

"Humph, for some reason I can tell you're hiding something from me"—she quickly grinned—"but I'm a reasonable person, so I won't prod anymore. I believe I can trust Kazuma-kun on such matters."

"Urk, how unfair, how dirty to be using such charm on me. Gah, Eris-sama, please forgive me!"

"That aside, Kazuma-kun, you said you were going somewhere before all this; is it alright if I come along?"

"Uh, w-well, it's uh…kind of…" Chris began to stare at me with suspicion once more. "It-It's a bit late to go now! T-That's right. Anyways, don't you have stuff to do? You're usually a very busy person."

"Ah, oh, well"—Chris scratched the scar on her cheek rather timidly—"I…I don't really have…anything I need to do at the moment."

"Oh? Well, why not hang out with Darkness then?"

"Are you trying to get rid of me, Kazuma-kun; am I being a nuisance to you?!"

"Ah, n-no, that's…that's not it." Then I realized something. "Actually, there is something I could use your help with."

"Oh?"

"Umu, I was actually wondering what I could get Iris-chan for her birthday."

"The Princess? Hmm…" Chris rubbed her chin in thought. "Come to think of it, why are so preoccupied with what to get the princess; is Megumin ok with it?"

"Uh—what does Megumin have anything to do with it? I mean sure, we're together, but it isn't like I'm getting Iris something weird; I'm simply doing this as her reliable older brother."

Chris was gazing at me with marked skepticism.

"Oi, come on, would you quit that; I'm not lying. How many times do I have to tell you guys that I have no weird feelings for her?"

"Even if you say that…" Chris sighed deeply. "Well, I suppose I can help you get an appropriate gift for her."

"Ah, thanks. I knew I could count on my boss to help me."

She grinned in response.

While walking towards the marketplace, Chris glanced over at me. "Hey, Kazuma-kun."

"Umu, what's up?"

"How is everything between you two?"

"Huh, who; me and Iris?"

"No, you and Megumin."

"What do you mean? I don't think there's anything wrong going on between us…why, did she tell you something?"

I started to feel a little nervous about the possibility; however, Chris shook her head.

"Megumin hasn't told me anything of the sort, but then again, I haven't really spoken to her for quite some time, so I honestly wouldn't know."

"Ah…well, aside from burning down the forest back then, she hasn't really been a huge issue."

Chris chuckled. "I see. Kazuma-kun sure has his hands full dealing with those three, huh?"

I sighed, and then smiled. "Umu, I sure wish I could have a dependable companion to vent to." I peeked at her as I said this.

Of course, Chris grinned.

As we approached the small marketplace, she quickly tugged on my arm.

"Hm?"

"Look, Kazuma-kun, that's one of my close contacts."

"Oh?"

In a seemingly out-of-sight area of the marketplace was a man covered nearly head-to-toe in garbs, a large pack on his back.

"You're lucky; he doesn't really show up in town too much."

"Ah, so they must be like a rare NPC in some games. Is he a seller?"

Chris nodded. "He's pretty amazing. Come, I'll introduce you to him."

Since the man was almost completely covered, his eyes were the only things visible; the only place a small cowl didn't conceal.

"Hey, Vincent," Chris said with a wave.

"Ah, Chris-san, nice to see you," the man said.

Even through the cowl, his voice sounded oddly familiar. "Vincent; where have I heard this name before?" I thought.

"Vincent, let me introduce you to a friend of mine." Chris presented me. "This is Kazuma-san. Kazuma, Vincent."

The man, Vincent, remained quiet. Going by how wide his eyes were, I could tell he was surprised. Then, suddenly, he began chuckling. Unsurprisingly, both me and Chris were a bit confused by his response.

He lowered his cowl, and said, "Yes, me and Kazuma-dono have met before."

I facepalmed as I realized who it was; what was the Kingdom's Spymaster doing in Axel?!

"Wait," Chris said, looking between us, "you guys met already?"

"Ah, yeah, I've met this guy before."

"Where?" Chris asked in curiosity.

Vincent interrupted. "Now, now, Chris-san, secrecy is important to all of us, so, let's just leave such details for another time, shall we?" He cleared his throat. "I suppose you're here for something quite rare, no?"

Apparently forgetting the reason for coming here, Chris suddenly recalled the purpose of this trip.

"Ah, right, right, um, I was wondering if you had something one could offer as a gift for a younger"—Chris glanced at me with a judgmental gaze—"…sibling."

"Ah, well, let's have a look." Vincent removed his backpack. After rummaging through it for a second, he pulled out a sizable mat, and placed it on the ground. One after another, he continued pulling objects from his bag, each taking a spot on the mat. "Now then, see anything that catches your eye?"

Chris and I slowly stared at the items on display.

After gazing at several of the items, Vincent broke our indecision and asked, "Kazuma-dono, what is it you're looking for exactly?"

"Oh, well—wait." I stopped myself at once, realizing something slightly unnerving.

Chris voiced my concern. "Wait, how did you know this was something for Kazuma-kun?"

Vincent smirked. "Chris-san, my dear, you seem to forget that my profession requires me to know people on an intimate level; as a seller, I need to be able to identify the wishes of my clients."

"Well…I suppose that's somewhat true. I'm surprised though."

I cleared my throat, and then spoke. "It's something for a young girl. Somebody who's somewhat adventurous."

"Oh?" Vincent rubbed his chin; a second later, he pointed his finger up in a eureka-like moment. "I have just the thing." He dug into his backpack once more and retrieved a small book that was intricately engraved, its surface covered in a pristine white color.

"What is it, a book?"

"It's a special book."

"Special?" Chris and I said at the same time.

"It's a book which is filled with secrets."

We stared at him in shock of his reply.

"Secrets?!" I said, barely able to contain my excitement. "Like what secrets?"

"This book," he said in the mesmerizing tone of an expert salesman, "is blank. See?" He opened it and showed us that indeed, it was blank.

"Oi."

He raised his hand in anticipation of my answer and continued. "It's currently blank, but…if you hand this book to someone and they write their name in it, the book will begin to take on a life of its own. Soon enough, it'll be filled with the secrets of its owner."

"Oho, that's amazing!" I yelled excitedly.

Chris, however, was silent. She rubbed her chin in thought.

"Oi, Chris, something wrong?" I queried.

"One second, Vincent-san," She said, pulling me aside shortly after.

"Hey, what's wrong, you're making me nervous with all—"

"Kazuma-kun, don't you think that's a little bit odd; a magic book that'll tell you the secrets of anyone who writes their name within?"

Suddenly it dawned on me; the thing she was suggesting, the thing this man was selling us…

"You don't think it's…"

She nodded slightly.

"Are you sensing strong magic?"

Chris looked at me with a bit of uncertainty. "I'm not really sure, but I am feeling something a little bit odd. Umu, call it a thief's hunch."

No matter what I thought, it was hard to argue against this being anything but a divine relic. There was only one thing I could do.

I turned back around, and the both of us approached Vincent once more. "Ok, so, how much for it?"

He grinned, one that was almost a sneer; it honestly made me feel a bit uncomfortable.

"Since both of you are good acquaintances, I'll do you a huge favor; the book will cost you zero eris."

"Zero?"

"You're giving it to us for free?" Chris reasserted.

He wagged his finger. "No, not for free; zero eris. My charge for this item will be"—He placed a finger on his chin seemingly in thought; however, the promptness of his reply seemed to suggest otherwise—"a secret."

"A secret?"

"Yes, one from both of you; don't you think it's apt considering the item in question?"

Chris and I exchanged looks. I didn't really mind too much, but Chris looked like she was taking such a requirement quite hard.

"Could it be anything?" She asked. "It doesn't have to be a very personal one, does it?"

Vincent smirked once more. "Secrets, by their very nature, are personal, Chris-san. But to satisfy your curiosity, no, it could be a simple secret. Like a guilty pleasure you may have." His gaze slowly traversed between ours, his uncomfortable smile, unchanged.

As I thought about it, I could just lie; it was a slight gamble, given who this guy really was, but he was still human. His extent of knowledge shouldn't be able to discern the credibility of every possible piece of information he got.

As I was thinking this, Chris went first. "My secret is…I…I really worry about a senpai of mine who acts selfishly…and often doesn't consider that her actions cause much trouble for me." What started out as a simple answer evolved into an aggravated rant.

"Hmm…ok," Vincent said with a nod. He turned his attention to me. "Your turn, Kazuma-dono."

"R-Right, my turn. Umm, I…I uh…ate Aqua's pudding she was saving for dinner."

Vincent raised a brow, and then sighed deeply. "Kazuma-dono, I know I said something simple, but that's far below a bargaining price; please give me something better."

"Dammit! This guy." I closed my eyes and began to think. "Something that would sound like a good secret but isn't. What could I possibly say?"

A few minutes passed in silence, but the two waited patiently for me to answer; finally, I had something. I had a lie that could pass as the truth.

"I once defeated a rookie killer with the use of my ingenious blinding magic combo." I smiled proudly as I declared this.

It was hard to call this a complete lie; I once went against and survived an encounter from a rookie killer using this method, but I didn't defeat it. The only ones who could possibly know this to be a lie, however, were the ones with me at the time, Taylor, Keith, and Lin.

"Hmm…I see," Vincent replied. He tipped the book towards me.

Just as I was about to grab it, he quickly swiveled it out of reach.

"Kazuma-dono," he said, in a mildly disappointed tone, "I hope you're not lying—I'm not saying you are; however, if you were, it would mean that you'd essentially be stealing this item from me. Stealing doesn't only apply to monetary exchanges, but to anything of value—in this case, a secret."

I felt a sense of shame wash over me, but Vincent continued.

"It would sadden me greatly to think that you'd do such a thing after I've been so gracious with the price of something so valuable."

He spoke as if he was just guessing, but the accuracy of his deduction sent my scant sense of morality reeling in regret. Chris' own look of disbelief made things even worse.

With my head drooping in disgrace, I grit my teeth and answered in deep remorse, "S, Sorry."

He placed his hand on my shoulders with a smile. "All is forgiven, Kazuma-dono…however…" Vincent smiled even wider. "You now owe me an even bigger secret."

"Ah—what, you said—"

"What I said applied before you decided to lie to me, Kazuma-dono. If you find the price too steep, you can always just choose something else to buy." Vincent began to slowly put the book into his pack.

Honestly, I wanted to buy something else, something I could just purchase with money, but…

"Kazuma-kun," Chris whispered as she nervously tugged on my sleeve.

"…ugh, fine, I got it, I got it; I'll tell you something else."

Hearing this, Vincent stopped. "Oh, is that so, Kazuma-dono; then go ahead, please, do tell me a secret."

"Alright, I just have one question."

"Yes?"

"Does the secret have to be something about yourself?"

Chris and Vincent stared at me in surprise.

Suddenly, Vincent grinned. "No," he replied, "it doesn't necessarily have to be your own secret."

Chris opened her mouth to argue this, but ultimately held her tongue; this was the way of dealings in this world—no—any world. Those who didn't know how to ask questions beforehand would be led along blindly; it was the predatory nature of getting what you wanted, to pay as little as you could and obtain as much you desired.

I proceeded. "One last question; does the secret have to be unknown to everyone involved?"

Vincent paused for a second, but his grin grew wider. "A secret is a secret as long as it remains unknown; if even one person lacks knowledge on its existence then it shall remain so."

"So only one person needs to be out of the loop," I deduced. "Alright, here's my secret then." Vincent smiled in anticipation while Chris stared at me in trepidation. "I've personally met the Spymaster of the kingdom."

At my answer, an odd stillness filled the air between us. Both of them stared at me in shock, when all of a sudden, Vincent broke out into a fit of laughter. Chris shifted her immediate shock to his actions. Vincent continued laughing heartily for some minutes before finally calming down.

"Ho, oh my…Kazuma-dono, you really are something." He wiped the tears from his eyes and straightened himself out. "Ha, what a cunning man you are. Wooh!" He said, taking a breath. "Here you are, as promised."

Vincent passed me the book with a smile.

He continued. "I hope you find it to be a satisfactory gift for your esteemed friend…sorry…sibling."

I wordlessly tucked the book into my satchel.

"Now then," he said loudly, placing his hand firmly on his hips, "I do hope you're happy with this transaction. Chris-san, Kazuma-dono, I'll be seeing you two some other time."

Chris spoke hurriedly. "Ah wait, you're leaving already?!"

He nodded. "You know I only stick around for a little while, Chris-san; I already completed what I originally came for anyways, so it's time for me to get back on the road."

"Ah, oh…I see. W-Well, I guess I'll see you around next time."

"Of course, I'll be sure to stop by where you normally hang out. Maybe we can have a couple of drinks like old times."

Chris rumpled her brow. "If you're trying to get me to divulge more secrets then I'm gonna stop taking you up on that."

Vincent laughed once more. "No, I think a valuable drink or two will be fine compensation."

Chris smirked. "Well, I'll see what I can do then."

After giving our goodbyes and watching the kingdom's Spymaster melt into the crowd, Chris turned to me with a surprised look on her face.

"What, what is it, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Kazuma-kun, how come you never told me you've met the Spymaster of this nation?"

"Huh, why would I say something like that; what reason could there be for me to justify saying something so out of place?"

"Nevermind that, tell me what that person's like; I heard all sorts of nasty rumors about them. Things like they like to torture their captives, that they consort with devils and demons, and even that there's more than just one of them."

Seeing Chris get so worked up over something like this made me smile a bit; it honestly almost made me forget she was the human persona of the goddess I looked up to.

I smiled. "Ah, who knows; it's a secret."

"Wait a minute, did you lie again, Kazuma-kun?!"

I shrugged. "Doesn't really matter, does it? The important thing is that I got the relic, right?"

Chris, who was pouting angrily, relaxed as I announced this. "I suppose. Ok, give it to me; I'll go ahead and take care of it."

I was about to hand it over when I hesitated. "Wait, if I give you this, what am I supposed to give Iris?"

"What, what is Kazuma-kun talking about?! You can't possibly be thinking of giving Iris something so dangerous. You remember how that turned out last time, right?!"

"Ugh…well…"

Chris promptly took the book from my hand. "Don't worry, Kazuma-kun, after I'm done dealing with this, I'll find a suitable gift for the princess. I'll deliver it to you once I do, ok?"

I sighed knowing there were no real alternatives.

Shortly after, Chris and I parted ways. Seeing that I was in the marketplace, I took the opportunity to buy ingredients for tonight's dinner.

"*sigh* looks like my original plan of going to the café isn't happening today," I said to myself. "I suppose I should go home then."

With bag in hand, I did just that and headed home.

"I'm back," I announced as I stepped inside.

"EXPLOSION!" Megumin yelled, flipping the game table. "Ha, you lose again, Yunyun," She said pompously; her arms were crossed in similar nature. "Weak. Give me—ah, Kazuma, you're back."

"*sigh* you're playing that game again? Why don't you play something else?" I said as Yunyun sobbed quietly in the background.

"Kazuma, most games are too tame by comparison; if I'm not using my explosion magic, I must have some other form of release. Too much build up is bad for your health, you know?"

"Yeah, yeah—hey, Yunyun, you don't have to do that." I said, seeing her pick up the scattered pieces. "Let the one who did something so violent pick it up."

"To the victor goes the spoils," Megumin retorted. "This is Yunyun's responsibility since she lost."

I gave her a reproachful look, then sighed. "Whatever. Where's everyone at by the way?"

"Oh, Aqua and Gren-san left to Wiz's and Irene and Darkness are upstairs. I think Darkness said something about tool cleaning?"

"Ah ok."

SLAM!

Yunyun finished setting up the board game. "Again, Megumin! This time I'll win for sure!" She yelled with confidence.

Megumin let out an arrogant huff. "Seems like you haven't learned your lesson yet, have you, Yunyun."

"Hey, Megumin, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me," I informed.

"Huh, oh, are you cooking?"

"Umu, might as well. Anything you guys in the mood for?"

"I'm fine with anything," I heard her reply as I entered the kitchen. "EXPLOSION!"

"Wahhh!"

Poor Yunyun.

Part 3

Eventually the afternoon passed into evening and by then, we had all eaten lunch and an early dinner; Yunyun stuck around for it, despite Megumin's constant teasing. After this, the mansion returned to its usual state of relative calm, the four of us relaxing where we habitually did.

"Kazuma," Megumin said as she lay on the couch, her feet sprawled over my legs, "can you come with me on my daily tomorrow?"

"No," I replied offhandedly; my attention was focused on the screen of the handheld.

"Aww, why not?"

"Did you forget what you guys did?" I said, glancing over at her. "This is punishment for that; anyways, if you really wanna go that bad just take Aqua or Darkness; isn't that what you've been doing, anyway?"

"Mmm!" Megumin fumed, and then angrily kicked her feet.

"Oi, stop it, that hurts."

"Humph! That's the point," She remarked with a pout.

"Hey, don't get fussy with me, alright? If anything, I'm letting you off easier than I should be. Also, can you get your feet off me; they smell funny."

Unsurprisingly, Megumin didn't take kindly to this and jabbed her foot into my face.

"Ah, quit it!" I said as she ground her toes into my cheek.

Megumin, however, didn't; in fact, she seemed to be enjoying herself, laughing as she continued. "What are you talking about, Kazuma; I'm sure you're secretly enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Just what kind of fetish do you think I have?!" I moved away, and then grabbed her leg. "If you don't stop, I'm gonna show you just how vulnerable you are in this position." I made a stealing gesture with my free hand.

Megumin gave a tepid response, as expected; she merely pulled the ends of her robe lower to guard her precious underwear.

"Humph, seems like you understand," I said, letting her leg go.

As I did, she smirked, slowly raising the hem of the skirt end and revealing a pair of magnificent black-laced panties. Naturally, I couldn't resist the allure.

"Kazuma!" Aqua called out as she came downstairs.

In the same instance, Megumin and I resumed natural positions; I buried myself in the game while Megumin feigned sleep.

"Kazuma."

"W-What is it?"

"Hmm, ah, so Megumin's here. Huh, why are you so red; are you running a fever?"

"N-Nevermind that, why were you calling out to me so desperately?"

"Ah!" Aqua shouted as if she just remembered something important. "That's right, I came down here because I have a big problem."

"Ok, tell me something I don't know."

"No, you don't understand; my bottle, my precious wine bottle rolled under the cabinet again and I can't get it."

I stared at her in mild aggravation. "Maybe this is actually a good thing," I remarked, shifting my attention to the Gamegirl.

"K-Kashuma, pwease! Help me!" Aqua sobbed, shaking my shoulders roughly.

"O-Oi! Fine!" I yelled. "Just quit it already. You're gonna make me throw up if you keep rocking me like that."

Leaving Megumin behind, me and Aqua headed upstairs. As was previously mentioned, a large wine bottle was underneath her cabinet in an out-of-reach corner; for a few minutes I tried grabbing it with no success.

"Ugh, I can't...quite...get it," I said as I continued to stretch my hand towards it.

"Wahhh!" Aqua bawled. "I thought you were supposed to be good at these things!"

"Oi! Shut up, if you're just gonna keep standing there berating me then you can just help yourself!"

"Ah-Ah, s-sorry, Kazuma-san. Please help me."

I grumbled, frowning at her disingenuous attempt at placating me, then sat up and began rubbing my chin in thought.

"What's wrong, have you given up already? Maybe I should've asked Darkness."

I glared at her once more. "Forget it, I already know what to do." I laid on my stomach yet again, and then stretched my hand towards the bottle. "STEAL!"

The next instant, the bottle appeared in my hand.

"Ah," Aqua shouted in happiness, "thank you, Kazuma; I knew your underhanded abilities had some use."

As she gave me such backhanded praise I stared at the bottle; it looked expensive. "Hey, Aqua, where'd you get something like this? Usually, all the expensive wine you get is gone before any of us gets a chance to drink some. Did old man Mike give you another freebie?"

"Freebie? No, that bottle is actually a gift for the Princess."

"Oi." Despite Iris coming of age, I didn't think it was a good idea to give a royal princess a large bottle of wine for her birthday. "Are you an idiot, we can't give Iris-chan something like this!"

"Huh? What are you talking about, Kazuma; why not?"

I had to ask myself, was it possible for someone to lose intelligence over time? "You think it's a good idea to give the Princess of the kingdom alcohol? I may be somewhat aloof, but I can be somewhat responsible around my juniors, ok?"

Aqua stared at me in complete doubt, her arms crossed. "Do you really think I'm dumb?" She said, flicking her hair. "Of course I wouldn't give Iris something like that; that bottle doesn't have any wine in it."

I stared at it once again. No, even if I didn't, the weight itself told me how full this bottle was. "What are you talking about, this is clearly full."

"I never said it wasn't." Aqua smirked. "That there is full of Goddess Aqua's Holy Broth; made by yours truly."

"Goddess Aqua's...so it's just filled with water?"

Aqua frowned. "Not just any water, you clueless hikiNEET; it's the purest of the pure. It's water that I've been cultivating for a couple of months."

"Wait, so isn't this just your bathwater?"

"It-It's not! Don't make it sound so disgusting!"

"I don't know if I want Iris-chan to have such a questionable gift. What is she supposed to do with this anyway, drink it?"

"Of course."

I raised the bottle over my head in an attempt to smash it.

"Wait! WAIT!" Aqua screamed, holding my arms. "She could also just use it as a sort of charm."

"Charm? What the heck are you saying; are you telling me she's supposed to carry something like this around?"

"No, you dummy. Just having that around her will ward off evil spirits, curses, and the like. It produces a fine undead and anti-devil barrier. She could put it in her room or something"

I twisted my mouth in doubt, looking between Aqua and the bottle in my hands.

"It-It's true!" She cried desperately.

"Guh, fine." I handed the bottle to her.

"So, did you get her anything yet?"

"Ugh...not yet."

"Really? I thought you'd be the first one. Unlike the rest of us who are burdened by debt, you should definitely be able to get the princess something. Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" Aqua said smugly.

"Sh-Shut up. It isn't like I haven't been trying. I want to get her something nice for her birthday. The last time I got her something, it was a cheap ring; I don't wanna do that again."

"So what's the problem, can't you just go buy something, then?"

"Where would I be able to get something suitable in Axel?!" I sighed.

It wasn't that there weren't any good stores in Axel, just that most catered to those of lower income. Myself aside, being wealthy wasn't exactly the norm for most of Axel's inhabitants. That being said, I resolved myself to getting something from here given the travel situation at the capital.

Aqua smiled. "Ha, look no further, Kazuma. Since I'm such a benevolent goddess, I'll help you get something for the Princess." I looked upon her with a cynical expression. "Of course, only if you lift that ridiculous debt."

"Forget it," I replied bluntly.

"K-Kazuma-sannn!" Aqua cried, while holding on to me. "Fine, fine, just mine; just mine will do!"

This goddess was embarrassingly shameless.

"I said forget it!" I replied, trying to wrench myself free of her grasp. Of course, Aqua held onto me with inhuman grip. "Arrrgghhh, get off!"

"Please, Kazuma! I'm tired of getting up so early! I don't wanna work anymore! It was fun the first few days, but the foreman is getting really strict with the work!"

"I-I don't care! Get off me already!" Finally, she let go, crying as she sat in place. "Guh, I can't believe you'd save your own skin. What about the others; If I did you this favor it'd be unfair to them."

"Then just drop the whole thing!" She retorted angrily. "This is stupid! You got your laugh, isn't it time you put the incident behind you, or are you that much of a child to do so?!"

This little…

"You bitch! You're completely unrepentant, aren't you?! How about I relieve the burden of debt from the other two and leave it completely to you, how does that sound?!"

Aqua latched onto me, turning on the waterworks yet again. "Y-You wouldn't!" She sobbed. I stared her down in reply. "Ahhhh, ok, ok, I'm sorry, Kazuma-san; please don't do that! I'm repentant, I'm repentant!"

I pulled myself away once more and straightened out my clothing. "...I'll think about it."

Aqua clasped her hands together in happiness. "Ah, the next time I hear the others saying bad things about you, I'll be sure to tell them, Kazuma-san truly isn't complete trash."

"..."

Honestly, was she trying to appeal to my better half or was she trying to make things worse for herself?

As I left Aqua's room thinking about what to get Iris, I came across Darkness.

"Hey, Darkness—sorry, Lalatina."

She frowned, but said, "What's wrong, Kazuma?"

"Hey, did you get a gift for Iris already?"

"Oh, Iris-sama? Of course."

"Yeah? What'd you get her?"

"I got her a hairpin; Iris-sama's hair is quite long, so I figured she'd benefit from having one."

"Hmm, you're not wrong, but doesn't that seem a little mundane for a gift—especially for a girl of royalty?"

"What are you talking about, Kazuma; hair accessories are seen as one of the best things you can get a woman of noble blood. Depending on the construction, design, and complexity it can be seen as a lifelong vow or even used as a form of insult."

"R, Really?"

"Of course. Typically speaking, anything worn by nobles has some sort of significance; this is especially so for the royal family."

"I...I didn't know it was so nuanced; I thought everyone wore whatever they felt like wearing."

Darkness sighed. "Kazuma, you were a commoner until just recently so I'll forgive your lack of knowledge on the matter. Going forward, you should know, the way you look and carry yourself means a lot in the aristocracy."

I didn't have much love for the nobility to begin with, but this news somehow made it even worse; were they really so petty? No, I had known this to be a fact; after experiencing their behaviors first-hand, it should've come as no surprise.

"Ah, I didn't know Lalatina placed emphasis on such shallow things."

"W-What—not me!" She yelled, her face red.

"Ah, so you're saying you don't believe those things."

"T-That's right. I believe I judge people based on their merits; not on their looks or behaviors...even if those behaviors are rather questionable."

"Hmm, ok, I can see that being true; I never really thought you to be a true noble, Darkness, so it's fine."

"W-What?!"

I began walking off as Darkness stomped after me, rambling on in disagreement.

"So, Aqua got something and so did Darkness...does that mean Megumin did as well?"

"Kazuma?" The person in question was standing before the door to my room. "Darkness; what's going on? What are you two arguing about now?"

"Nevermind her," I said, waving off the nonsense Darkness was prattling on about. "Did you buy something for Iris' birthday?"

Megumin raised a brow. "No, not yet. Why?"

I sighed in relief. "Ah, I thought all of you got something for her already."

"I see...well, technically I already showed her a good time; something like that should serve as a present in of itself, but I wanna get her a proper gift. That being said"—Megumin looked over at Darkness—"what did you get her, Darkness?"

"A hairpin," She answered.

"Oh, a hairpin. I see, I see," Megumin said rubbing her chin. "Umu, I think I know what I'll get her."

"And what's that?" I asked, hoping to get an idea of what to get her myself.

"Don't worry about it; it'll be an appropriate gift."

I stared at her in skepticism. "Somehow the way you said that doesn't fill me with confidence."

Megumin pouted. "Humph. I don't know why you keep thinking I'm anything but a mature young lady; I wouldn't give her anything questionable."

"And yet, your explanation somehow makes me feel less at ease. Anyway, what are you doing in front of my room?"

"Ah, w-well I just wanted to—"

"Wanted to…" I could tell this girl was hiding something from me given the way her eyes were darting away from my own. "Oi, are you—"

"I want you to teach me tonight!" Megumin shouted.

"..." Both me and Darkness stared at her in silence.

"T-Teach me Japanese," She clarified.

"No, I know what you meant, but it still doesn't change the feeling I had just a moment ago."

Megumin looked down as she shyly played with her fingers; despite such a timid action, her face wore a visible expression of frustrated discomfort.

"If it's too much to ask, I'll just study by myself."

"Ye—wait a minute." I stopped myself from giving such an instinctual reply as I began to unravel a string of thoughts. "Megumin was playing quite the temptress earlier; could she be thinking of doing something lewd together?" Arriving at this conclusion, I quickly replied, "No, it's fine; I'll teach you."

"K-Kazuma," Darkness stuttered.

"What is it...Lalatina?" I responded, turning to see the flush-faced noblewoman.

"Ahem, I-I was wondering if...if I"—she cleared her throat once more—"I can...join you—two—the two of you…if I can join the two of you tonight—FOR TONIGHT'S LESSON…tonight's Japanese lesson!"

What was this pervert thinking? If she were there, she'd just get in the way of something happening; I couldn't allow her to spoil the potential mood so I turned her down diplomatically.

"No."

"No?" Darkness repeated.

I gave her a mockingly sweet smile. "Don't worry, Lalatina ojou-sama; once I finish with Lady Megumin's lessons, I'll make sure to distribute my time to your own."

As I began to walk past her, Darkness reached out and grabbed my shoulder. "B-But wouldn't it be much easier to teach both of us at once?!"

"Uh, well…" I tried pulling away from her, but her fingers began digging into me; the more I struggled the deeper they pressed. "Oi, this girl...o, ojou-sama, would you please let"—I heard a popping sound in my shoulder—"gooooo ahhhhhh! MY SHOULDER!"

"Oh, s-sorry." Darkness let go.

I quickly moved over next to Megumin as I nursed my aching shoulder.

"A, Anyhow," Darkness continued, "I think it'd be better if you could teach, both, me and Megumin at the same time."

Suddenly, Megumin, who was unusually quiet this whole time, spoke. "Darkness, I don't think it'd be a good idea," She announced to our surprise.

"W-Why not?"

"Think about it; I'm much farther along in understanding Japanese than you are; you haven't even started on the basics. If Kazuma were to teach us both, he'd basically be giving two separate lessons. As someone who teaches quite regularly, wouldn't you find such a situation more difficult than one if the two students were closer in their levels of comprehension?"

Darkness opened her mouth to retort, but then looked away defeatedly; she understood that Megumin was right.

"Darkness," Megumin said, "that offer to teach you myself still stands; it shouldn't be a problem who does it, right?"

What a devious girl she was; even I could clearly see what Megumin was getting at.

Darkness grabbed her own arm as she took yet another defeat. "I...I suppose...not…" Her head drooped as she spoke in such a dejected tone.

"Good," Megumin replied with a smile. Then, turning to me, said, "I'll go get the stuff. Be right back." She hurried off down the hall towards her room, leaving me and Darkness alone yet again.

I thought she was going to say something after the brief but awkward silence, but she merely gripped her arm tighter and walked past me towards her own room.

"H—ey…Dark...ness..." I struggled to call out to her, and her room door shut close.

I didn't actually expect her to just walk away so solemnly. Was she really sad that I wasn't teaching her? While thinking this, I heard Megumin's hurried steps coming from behind.

"That was fast," I remarked.

Megumin nodded happily as she tried to catch her breath. "Mhm. Now, come on, there's a couple more kanji that I'm confused about." She began pushing me into the room.

Nearly two hours passed by the time I finished with the lessons.

"Is she really not gonna make any moves?" I asked myself dejectedly. Setting this thought aside for the moment, I took a look at the scattered scraps of paper before me. "These kanji you're showing me...I've been wondering, where'd you find these?" I asked, rifling through the small scraps assembled in the lesson book.

"Oh, um, Aqua lent me a couple books written in Japanese; I was a little confused with what some of it said, so I wanted to ask you."

"That so; how come you just didn't ask Aqua?"

Megumin rolled onto her back and sighed. "Does it really matter? I wanted to ask you...or is it too bothersome?"

"It's not really an issue, just curious why'd you wait to ask me directly. Also, what's up with that gown you're wearing, are you going the Darkness route with such blatant seduction?" I said, commenting on her thin black nightgown.

Megumin turned on her side and smiled. "Why, do you like it?"

I sighed heavily but on the inside felt a slight giddiness. "I see you were just using the lessons as a pretense for this, huh?"

She looked at me remorsefully. "Is, is it too much?"

Rubbing my chin, I wondered aloud, "Do Crimson Demons go through heat?"

Suddenly, Megumin's eyes flared dangerously as she knit her brows. "What do you take me as, Kazuma?!"

"H-Hey, relax; I was just—" Megumin pounced and began hitting me with the nearby pillow. "Oi! Ah—come on, stop!" I yelled, blocking the hits as best I could; however, she didn't. "If you keep doing this I'm gonna fight back; you know I will!"

Hearing this, Megumin's assault ceased. She held the pillow to her face, keeping her intentions a mystery.

I grinned. "Ha! Did you actually think I wouldn't do anything after you've attacked me so unfairly?!"

But to my shock, Megumin fell forward, the pillow and her head falling upon my chest. From its bulbous crest, she stared at me with a soft, yet dangerous smile, her eyes still glowing red.

"Uh, M-Megumin?"

Her hands slipped under my sides as she wrapped her arms lovingly around my back. "You know, as even-tempered as I may be, Kazuma, I'm still prone to my share of outbursts if you provoke me."

Was she really calling herself even-tempered? From the moment this girl joined my party, I knew her to be anything but.

She continued. "Crimson Demons don't go into heat...but I don't think it's unusual for two people who love each other to yearn for that kind of thing." She let out what seemed like a disappointed huff, and then rolled off to my side. "Since the lessons are done, should we go to sleep?"

Surprised by the sudden lack of events, I found myself replying in mild confusion. "Uh...sure."

As suggested, I shut off the nearby lamp and cast the room into darkness. For some time after this, we laid with our backs to each other. Despite saying things like 'I didn't want to rush our first time' I felt the natural urge to do so; with her so close and willing, I honestly didn't know what else I expected.

My mind began to drift as these thoughts continued to slowly wax and wane, my eyes closing and sleep starting to take hold of me. When I was about to submit to my mental exhaustion, I felt Megumin move. For a few seconds my body was jolted awake by the adrenaline coursing through it...but a few more minutes passed and nothing else happened.

Again, I began to relax, to fall asleep when my heart began to race. In the silence, I felt her arms drift over the side of my waist and caress me. I was frozen stiff by such sincere actions, but Megumin didn't stop there. A few moments later, her body slid closer; I felt her chest on my back, the soft, yet warm breaths of her exhaling.

"Meh—"

"I know you said that you don't really want to do...things, but..." She squeezed me softly as her forehead rested on the nape of my neck. Her arms slowly loosened their grip on me, then her hands gradually moved lower. I don't know why, but I instinctively grabbed them, stopping her. "Ka—"

I whipped around and stared at the face those glowing eyes belonged to. I gulped deeply as I realized how close we were. We slept together quite often now, but for some reason, knowing how close she was—no, seeing it, made my heart and mind race.

Seconds passed as we stared at each other in silence. Finally, Megumin looked down shyly, and placed a hand on my chest. She smiled softly, and an instant later, shot up into a kiss. Our lips met into a small peck, but quickly parted as our tongues slipped into each other's mouths.

Despite her hand gently pushing against my chest, she pressed forward, deeper into the kiss; our tongues roiled around each other incessantly. It was me who had to pull away to catch a breath, but even as I did, Megumin chased my lips, climbing onto my chest in the process.

As she set herself upon me, the tip of her tongue grazed at my lips as she hungrily waited for me to finish recuperating. Really, this girl had such an insatiable appetite for the things she took a fancy to; that much I've come to learn.

The moment I opened my mouth, she thrust her tongue in. I hadn't noticed, but my hands already drifted down to her waist. As they continued to move southerly, Megumin climbed on top and straddled me. She was so enthralled with passion that she didn't notice her bottom pressing back on the bulge in my pants.

Another moment of relief as our lips parted. Our pants were loud in the stillness of the darkened room. And yet again, Megumin descended upon me with ravenous fervor, this time placing her hands along the sides of my face to make sure I didn't escape.

I was fast approaching my limit, but in all this excitement my hands finally found their prize, her soft and warm bottom. I squeezed it causing Megumin to break away with an exhaling moan, but this time I chased her. I went for her slender neck, nipping at it tenderly. Again, I heard her moan softly. My mouth slowly shifted down her neck and to her chest. As I slipped the straps of her gown off, I sat up slightly and began suckling at her supple breast.

She whimpered as I continued, her arms wrapping around my head in response. At this point, I felt like I was gonna explode; the amount of pressure against my pants was beginning to hurt.

"Megumin," I said through grit teeth, "I...I think...I'm gonna—"

Without another word, she slid off and quickly began to pull at my pants.

"Ah, wait, Megumin! It hurts! It hurts! It's sensitive, wait!"

After some struggling, it popped free from the clutches of my clothing and was exposed to cool air. That only lasted a moment as Megumin took it into her mouth and began pumping. Not a second later I came with such intensity that I was left dazed by the euphoria. The dizzying pleasure increased as I felt Megumin's tongue slowly coil around the end of my shaft, the suction increasing until she finally pulled away. I heard an audible gulp and saw her smile in satisfaction.

There was only so much a guy could take, much less a virgin like myself; who could blame a boy for losing himself in such a situation?

I pounced on Megumin, forcing her onto her back. Although she was slightly surprised by my action, she offered no resistance. I slid her panties off to the side. In the darkness, it was impossible to see the complete detail of what lay before me, I could only imagine it; the simple contours were enough to drive my male instincts into a frenzy.

I placed myself between Megumin's legs and steadied myself. As I drew close, she spoke.

"I don't mind giving Kazuma my first time here and now, but it would've been nice to have followed through with your original intent."

How, how could she say such a thing at the eleventh-hour? Such simple words broke my drive instantly; the primal urge I had for her completely evaporated as I recalled the very intention she spoke of.

"Kazuma?"

"Huh, wha?"

"Are you...ok?"

"Ugh...suddenly...I don't feel like…"

"...I, I see...did I say the wrong thing?"

"*sigh*...I don't know if I'd call it wrong, but…*sigh*...your timing sure is impeccable." As I pulled away, Megumin tugged on my shirt. "Huh, what is it?"

She looked away shyly, and then glanced up at me. "Kazuma got to finish, but…"

Say no more; I wasn't the type of guy to leave his partner hanging.

I had resolved myself to a tragic case of "no penetration", but there were still other methods I could use to achieve desired results; my vast knowledge acquired through the multitude of ero media made sure I was properly equipped.

If I couldn't use Jr. I'd just have to use a substitute. I quickly flicked a Tinder spell into the nearby lamp. What was shrouded by the elusive darkness was now visible as a set of rosy pink lips. Engorged with excitement, the inner set poked through the center slit along with its hooded crown. I gulped deeply as I felt that primal want begin to bubble within me.

Without thinking, I quickly spread them apart and stared at the glistening organ slowly twitch with arousal, a small yet steady stream of moisture filtering over it. I was driven to taste it, to taste her—and so I did. I pressed my tongue against its surface and passed it along the entirety.

Megumin jerked upwards, arching her back into a loud cry. She quickly threw her hands over her mouth, stifling herself. Again and again, I repeated the motions, slowly transitioning over to the swollen bump at the top. After licking at it for a few minutes, Megumin closed her legs around me. I heard her panting loudly, her moans being the only things louder.

As this continued, I realized something that wasn't ever portrayed in all the tomes of knowledge I consumed...this was tiring; my jaw and the underside of my tongue were beginning to hurt. "Megumin, are you getting close?" I asked.

She didn't reply with words, just a hurried set of nods. After this response, she set me back to work, shoving my face back into her drenched lips. This time I thrust my tongue inside her, and felt her walls collapse on it. After a bit of rubbing in conjunction, Megumin's hips rose sharply as she wailed in ecstasy.

Part 4

After the session, Megumin and I laid on the bed. She was sprawled out on her back with a great look of satisfaction while I lay beside her, staring up in exhaustion.

"Haaaaa." She exhaled happily. "That felt good; I'd say as good as letting off an explosion...well, almost." Noticing my lack of reply, she looked over at me. "Kazuma? What's wrong?"

I closed my eyes and sighed. This girl didn't get it; how the hell could I be satisfied?! After going through such a steamy moment I ended up feeling more pent up than before. "Just go to sleep," I said, holding back tears. I silently cursed myself for making that vow.

-Morning

Despite having shared such an intimate moment with Megumin just hours earlier, I awoke early to go to the cafè; there was no way a man could be satisfied with such an outcome. Truly, it made me wonder how the rest of the world fared without the wonderful services of that shop.

"Kazuma-kun!" A silver-haired thief called out to me in the distance.

"Noooooo, not now! Not again!"

As I went to turn in the other direction, Chris slammed into my back and pulled me into a nearby alley once again. "Where are you going, Kazuma-kun?! I'm calling out to you, you know?"

I let out a breath of exhaustion. "We really gotta stop meeting like this," I said dejectedly. "What is it this time? If it's anything to do about certain 'favors' it'll have to wait; I'm really busy right now."

"Oh? I was just about to tell you that relic we received is a fake, or rather, it was never a relic to begin with."

"Wait, what? Are you serious?" I said, turning to look at her.

She nodded. "Turns out we were swindled...or I would say that, but Vincent never said he was selling us a relic—"

"But he did say he was selling us a special book, didn't he?"

"He did," Chris said with a sigh of her own, "but I guess you can chalk that up to a salesman's sweet talk. That man sure has a silver tongue."

If only she knew who he really was.

"Well at least we didn't really have to pay anything for it."

"Says you! I'm actually quite embarrassed by what I had to say." I smiled faintly as I looked upon her abashed expression. "A-Anyhow, here," She said, handing me the familiar white book. "Since it's not a relic, you can have it back."

"Ah, thanks, I guess." I tucked the book into my pocket.

"Well, I'll let you go do that important thing you were off to do. I have a duty to surveil two dangerous individuals."

"Sure, but I don't wanna hear about you harassing people later on, ok?"

"Ah! Kazuma-kun, you really shouldn't be the one saying such things, you know?" Chris retorted with pout. Then she smiled. "I'm off now. Take care, Kazuma-kun!" She said, waving as she stepped back into the streets of Axel.

After she disappeared, I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. "Now then, where were we?"

-Back at the mansion

"Megumin?" Aqua said as I came downstairs. She was messing with some clay, shaping it into some sort of figurine.

"Aqua?" I said as I rubbed my eyes groggily. "Have you seen Kazuma?"

"Hmm, Kazuma?" She placed a finger on her chin in thought. "I think he left a little while ago; he said something about taking care of an important thing. If you ask me though, I bet he went off to bum around like he does; what else would a hikiNEET like him be doing this early in the morning."

Irene appeared from the kitchen. "Breakfast is ready, Aqua-sama—oh, Megumin-sama." When she saw me, she bowed courteously. "I apologize, I haven't made you a plate yet; I was unsure of when you'd come down to eat."

"It's fine, Irene."

"Would you like me to make you one, now?"

"If it isn't too much trouble."

She bowed and retreated into the kitchen once more.

I sat on the couch next to Aqua and laid down.

"Morning, Aqua," I heard Darkness say; judging from the direction of her voice, she was coming from upstairs.

"Oh, hi, Darkness."

"Ugh, what a night."

"Hmm, you didn't sleep?"

"Uh, well—M-Megumin?! What are you doing here?!"

I raised my brow in confusion. "What are you talking about; why wouldn't I be here?"

"Ah, well, no, I mean…" Darkness looked away, her face growing red everytime her eyes bounced back to my own.

"What's wrong with you, Darkness; are you ok?"

"A-Ah, yeah, I-I'm fine."

"Finished!" Aqua yelled in interruption. She held up her latest creation, something that was just a formless shape of clay just minutes earlier. "The new Irene the maid series figurine." As usual, it was a work of art, indistinguishable from the real thing.

At that moment, the actual person came back from her preparations. "Lalatina-sama, good morning. Your breakfast is done along with Aqua and Megumin-sama's."

"T-Thank you, Irene," Darkness stuttered, still seemingly flushed with embarrassment.

"Hey, Irene, what do you think?" Aqua said as she showed off the figurine.

"...wonderful," She replied with a slight bow of her head.

All of us convened at the table where Irene brought out our breakfast. While we sat eating, Darkness kept glancing my way somewhat timorously.

I stopped. "Ok, what's wrong, Darkness?" I said, fed up with the look she kept throwing me.

"Ah, n-nothing, it's nothing."

"Then why are you staring at me so oddly? Is there something on my face?"

"N-No. Umm, how...how was your night, Megumin?"

"My—" It suddenly occurred to me what was causing Darkness so much embarrassment and upon this realization, I too, found it fairly difficult to curb my own growing self-consciousness. "Uh-Uh, it...wasn't...bad," I mumbled. I could feel the heat flowing off my face.

Aqua looked over at us, a spoonful of food in her mouth. "Did you guys have a bad night or something? I slept like a baby," She said with a slightly proud smile.

"Ah, well...it, I...had a...a-anyway, wanna come with me to do my daily, Aqua?" I quickly turned to Darkness. "Y-You too, Darkness; you can come too! It-It isn't like I have anything to hide!"

They both stared at me silently, then Aqua answered.

"Well, I was gonna go over to Wiz's shop—"

"N-Not a problem! I was gonna go over to work anyways! We can do my daily sometime later, then." I quickly shoveled a forkful of food into my mouth to prevent any more of my embarrassment from filtering out.

"Ah, w-what a shame," Darkness said, doing the same thereafter.

Because of our flusteredness, Darkness and I finished well before Aqua. It was then that Darkness stood up.

"Well, I-I should be going now; I have a lot of work to do. I-I'll see you guys later!" Saying this, she dashed out of the dining room and out the front door.

Aqua, who stared in surprise, then focused on me. "I never thought Darkness to be that diligent in the pursuit of her work; I guess I was wrong." She took another spoonful of food. "She should learn to be a little more reserved with her life, like me."

"Umm, Aqua...did you...hear anything, last night?" I asked in trepidation.

"Hmm? Not really; did something happen?"

"Ah, no! I-I was just wondering. It seems like maybe Darkness may have."

"Oh? Are you thinking there may be ghosts or something? There shouldn't be any other spirits in this house besides Anna—and she shouldn't have been a bother since I was playing with her last night."

"Oh, well, t-that's ok, then."

"If you're still worried, I can take some time out of my busy schedule to exorcise the mansion later."

"Ah, s-sure."

"Haaaa, what would you guys do without me?" Aqua said pompously. "Irene, can you bring me some pudding!?"

After taking a bath, we got dressed and headed over to Wiz's shop as was our intent.

"Morning," I said as I walked in with Aqua.

"Ugh, it appears Moi is cursed; not only does Moi have to deal with this androgynous little thief's pestering—"

"Androgynous?!" Chris yelled.

"—but the good-for-nothing human priest has showed up as well. Joke mage, tell me thee has come bearing good news."

"Joke mage?! You seem to forget who gave you that mark on your mask; come, let's step outside so I can remind you."

"There's no need. Moi has enough headaches to deal with as thee can see. Besides, unlike thee, Moi has not had a good night."

"Awawahaha!" I laughed nervously. "What are you talking about?! I had a normal night where nothing out-of-the-ordinary occurred!"

"Megumin?" It was my self-proclaimed rival, Yunyun.

"Ah, Yunyun, why are you here—I mean, why are you here so early?!"

"What is Megumin talking about; you know I'm usually here helping around this time. It's Megumin who hasn't these past days. Poor Gren-san is out there doing most of the work by herself."

"Wiz! Wiz!" Aqua shouted. "Where is that girl?!" She said as she took the window seat.

"Ahhhh, Aqua-sama, forgive me!" Wiz said as she ran out with a tray of desserts. She placed it before Aqua and bowed fervently. After seeing Aqua begin to lazily eat the contents, she turned to the so-called 'androgynous thief' and said, "Chris-san, please help yourself to them as well."

Chris frowned at her, and then stared at the sweets Aqua was indulging in. "I, I see. If Aqua-san finds them sufficiently edible I guess I'll have some too." She took the seat in front of Aqua where the two started to talk; Chris whispered, but Aqua spoke about the subject of their conversation openly.

Going from the pieces I gleaned from Aqua, it seems like Chris wasn't very happy about having Wiz and Vanir around—not that I could blame her—under normal circumstances they would be hunted as high bounty targets...and one of them had been.

"Ugh, Yunyun, let's get out of here; it's too noisy," I said.

"Leave?"

"Yes. You said something about Gren-san needing assistance, correct?"

"Ah, that's right."

"Then let's go."

Yunyun and I left the shop, the group of individuals arguing loudly amongst each other like children at a schoolyard.

Walking through the busier-than-usual streets, Yunyun and I made our way to another shop where Gren was said to be.

"So, what's Gren-san doing at another store?" I asked.

"Megumin's been working in Wiz-san's shop for nearly a month now; how is it that you still don't know that we do business with other shops as well?"

"Frankly, Yunyun, you speak as if you're a regular employee there; aren't you just a volunteer?"

"Ah, w-w-wha—"

"What an annoying girl you can be. If you like working at the shop, go ahead and have the crooked devil pay you for your time and effort."

"I-I'm volunteering! A-A friend doesn't take advantage of another when they're in need."

I sighed; this girl's stubbornness was something else. "Isn't that exactly what he's doing though?"

"..."

"..."

"A-Anyway, that's the store Gren-san should be at." Yunyun pointed at a fairly large building.

"Wait, what is this place? I've never seen it."

Yunyun smiled. "Megumin, who lives in Axel doesn't know of a place I do?"

I frowned. "Just because I live here doesn't mean I know every place. Who would remember such useless amounts of knowledge anyway?" I said, smirking in retaliation.

"It-It's not useless! Megumin is just jealous because I know something she doesn't."

"As if." I shrugged. "I'm fine with Yunyun remembering such trivial things for me." She pouted in frustration. "Anyhow, what is this place?"

"Like I said before, it's another store we're collaborating with. Unfortunately, the store hasn't really been doing well in terms of sales, so they're having something of a clearance."

"Oh? So, we should be able to get things for cheap."

Yunyun nodded.

"Why's Gren-san here, though?"

"Vanir-san sent her to buy some of the merchandise; he said, buying things would help the owner once the store went under."

What a savvy devil; buying valuable products from a rival shop under the guise of helping them. No doubt he was likely looking to resell the items at a profit.

While I was going through this line of reasoning, Yunyun interrupted. "Megumin, have you bought Iris-chan something for her birthday?"

"Huh, oh, no, not really."

"This could be a good opportunity for us to get something, then. Gren-san actually volunteered to go ahead because she wanted to get something as well."

"I see."

Seems like she still felt remorseful for her actions.

Entering the shop, we were greeted by someone I presumed to be the owner. After watching Yunyun and his exchange, I was affirmed.

"Yunyun-san, please tell Wiz and Vanir-san I'm grateful for what they're doing."

Yunyun nodded. "Absolutely."

The man glanced over at me. "Oh, it's you," he said with slight surprise, "Satou-dono's wife, Megumin-san, right? How are you? Are you here to make a purchase?"

"Perhaps," I replied. "You don't mind if we take a look around, do you?"

"Of course not, please do. Let me know if there's anything I can help with." He turned back to Yunyun. "Again, thank you, Yunyun-san."

Not used to praise, Yunyun smiled nervously as she gave a modest bow. "It-It's nothing."

After that brief chat, Yunyun and I looked through the store where we encountered Gren huddled over a large bin.

"Gren-san," Yunyun called out.

She looked our way. "Yunyun-san, Megumin-san, how are you? Did Vanir-san send you this way?"

"Not exactly," Yunyun replied.

"We came here on our own," I added. "I see you've already found some stuff." I noticed a box full of items resting at her feet.

"Umu. Those are things for the store, however, I'd like to buy something personal."

"A gift for the princess?"

"Oh?" She looked at Yunyun, and then back at me. "I see Yunyun-san told you."

"S-Sorry," the timid loner girl beside me stuttered.

Gren shook her head. "It's fine; it isn't like I was trying to hide it or anything."

"Me and Yunyun are actually trying to get something as well, so it works out."

"Oh, you are? Well, it only makes sense; both Megumin and Yunyun-san are her true friends."

"What are you talking about, Gren-san, aren't you friends with her too?" Yunyun said.

Gren smiled faintly. "The princess is kind and just; I don't deserve to be her friend. After what I've done, I shouldn't even be as free as I am, but because of her, I'm able to carry on with barely any discomfort in my life." She sighed. "I know I'm being quite selfish, but I wish I could spend these moments with Ferris."

"There's nothing selfish about a wish like that," I remarked. "I don't know what I'd do if I was in your position, Gren-san; you're a strong and admirable person to go on despite not knowing how your sister's faring."

"...thank you...but if I was really as strong as you say, my sister wouldn't have ever been in the position she is...or was."

"Don't...you don't know that yet, ok?"

"..."

"Le, Let's look for our gifts," I said, trying to break the somber atmosphere. I walked up to the large bin and began looking through it. "Ok, let's see what we have here."

Several minutes went by as we browsed the various wares; most of them were practical items made for adventuring, so there wasn't anything that could really pass as a gift for nobility, let alone, royalty.

"Hey, that's cute," Yunyun said, pointing out the plushie of a goofy-looking rookie killer I tucked under my arm. "Is that the gift you're getting Iris-chan?"

"No," I replied, continuing my search through the bin. "It's mine."

"...well at least it's nice to see you showing off your more girly side, Megumin."

I knit my brow. "Are you implying I'm somehow less of a female than you, Yunyun?"

"Huh, what is Megumin talking about? I just complimented you."

"Really? Because it sounds to me like you're challenging me."

Yunyun straightened up, and soon, I did too. "So what if I am?"

"Oh, aren't you being quite cheeky? Is it because Gren-san's here? Gren-san!"

"Y-Yes?" She said, slightly startled by my commanding tone.

"I'd like you to bear witness to this challenge."

"What challenge?"

"Yes, what challenge, Yunyun?"

"Um, wait, why am I the one choosing? You're the one who challenged me."

"Trying to turn things around, eh? I won't be fooled! Name the challenge or I win this by default."

"W-Wait! Ummmm..." Yunyun looked around as she panically tried to come up with a proper challenge.

"Well?"

"I-I, um," suddenly, Yunyun smiled and confidently pointed, saying, "Megumin, I challenge you to find the cutest thing in this box!"

"Fine by me. Gren-san, if you'd please preside over this duel."

"Umm, sure thing, Megumin-san."

"Good. Let's get this started. Yunyun, you go first."

Yunyun, who wasn't expecting me to let her go first, froze momentarily. "Wha—me?! You want me to go first?"

"That's right. As the initiator of the duel, it's only fair that I give you a chance, so go on."

Yunyun frowned with disapproval. "I don't like the fact Megumin is looking down on me; you may win many of our duels, but this is one thing I'm confident I'm better at than you. Watch me, Megumin, today is the day I win you handedly."

Saying such audacious words, Yunyun began to dig through the box. After a bit of searching, she retrieved a small accessory that can pass off as one for a newborn baby.

"How's this?" She queried.

"Oh." Gren stared at the toy with wondrous eyes. "That is indeed quite cute, Yunyun-san."

Yunyun looked at me with a self-assured grin. "Now what, Megumin?"

"Humph." I flicked my mantle and threw up a pose. "Such a boisterous attitude will be your downfall, Yunyun."

Seconds after I said this, I withdrew an item from the box and smiled. Victory was mine. I placed the item on Yunyun's head and stood back.

"Wha, what is this?!" Yunyun said, full of embarrassment.

Ears; they were feline ears. An item that was most likely used by adventurers to blend in with beastmen. I remember Kazuma saying something about beast ears being sexy on a woman, but this was the opinion of men. For mature women, like myself, this could only be seen as—

"Cute!" Gren cried, looking at Yunyun as she squirmed slightly. "Yunyun-san looks really cute with that on."

I grinned as Yunyun stood defeated by embarrassment and failure.

"Thank you all for coming," the owner said as we left the store.

After the duel, we ended up finding some items we could use as gifts. Yunyun found something designed to form parties easier; Gren, a ceremonial dagger; and I, an amazing eye patch. Honestly, it looked so cool I almost wanted to keep it myself. Since Yunyun lost our match, I made her carry my share of merchandise back to the shop.

"Can I take this off already?" Yunyun whined.

"I never said you had to keep it on."

"Well, can you get it for me; I can't reach it since I'm carrying both our stuff."

"Sorry, Yunyun-san," Gren said apologetically. "I would help if I could."

"Don't worry, Gren-san; I'm asking Megumin since she's the only one with free hands at the moment."

Yunyun glared at me.

"Hey, Yunyun," I said, "you shouldn't frown like that; it'll ruin the cute look you have going for you."

She growled in response. "I'd appreciate it if you'd stop teasing me, Megumin."

"I'm serious, Yunyun. Do you know Kazuma told me that men find women with certain beast-like features to be attractive? Who knows, maybe this is the item that'll help you find a boyfriend."

"I-I don't want a b-boyfriend—especially one acquired through such odd means! And what kind of man is Kazuma-san even speaking about?! It seems to me like those types of guys are dangerous to be around."

Gren smiled as she listened to the conversation. "It seems like Kazuma-san is a man of eccentric tastes."

"Well, not so much," I remarked. "After all he did fall in love with me."

Gren giggled. "I suppose that's true, Megumin-san."

After traveling through town for several minutes, we made it back to the shop...where the sound of yelling could be heard.

"Should we go in?" I queried.

The other two exchanged worried stares. The sound of a small explosion and crystalline objects shattering permeated through the door.

"On second thought," I said, turning around, "maybe we should just come back later."

Yunyun blocked my path. "Where're you going?! We still have to deliver these things, you know?"

"They're already here; just leave it on the doorstep and let's go; I don't wanna deal with whatever is going on in there."

"Did you forget Gren-san lives here?! Whatever is happening we can't let the store fall apart."

"Guh, fine," I said, pulling on the rim of my hat.

And so, we entered.

"Ah, stop it, you guys." Wiz's gentle voice was drowned out by the battle taking place between the other three combatants.

"Fwahahaha! It's been some time since Moi has been able to enjoy himself. Boy thief, how is it someone of your profession is able to fight on such even terms with Moi? Please, do tell."

"Chris, hit him with your Bind; that should shut his ugly mug up!" Aqua wailed.

"Right, Aqua-san; use your Sacred Exorcism once I do."

"Hold it!" I yelled. "What's going on here?"

"Megumin-san," Wiz said in a desperate tone, "please, stop them. At this rate, the entire store will be destroyed."

"Megumin, stay out of this," Aqua demanded.

"That's right, Megumin; don't get involved," Chris added.

"Why are you guys fighting?" I interposed.

"He's a dirty devil!" Aqua shrieked angrily.

"That's right," Chris said, holding her weapon ready. "I don't need any other reason."

"Listen, if you guys wanna fight this man, I won't stop you—"

"No, you should stop them!" Yunyun shouted.

"—but you should probably think about taking this somewhere where more people can see the spectacle; the town center should be a good spot."

"Can you stop making this worse?!" Yunyun quickly intervened, jumping between the two parties. "P-Please stop this; there's no need to fight. We're all friends here, right?"

Oh, this poor foolish girl…

"Friends?" Chris said, her jaw clenching. "I'm no friend of devils OR undead; they should just disappear forever!"

"I agree," Aqua said, nodding along. "Although, Wiz can be a slight exception; I'm fairly sure she's in the process of converting to the Axis Order."

"Huh?! Aqua-sama, when did I—"

"E-Even if that's the case," Yunyun said desperately, "Wiz and Vanir-san are both my friends! I-I don't want to see them destroyed—even if they are unholy creatures!" Seeing Yunyun give such a vehement plea, Chris softened up. "A-And on top of that, Gren-san lives here so…"

"Gren-san?" Chris said in confusion.

"Hello," Gren said, bowing in courtesy thereafter.

"You live here?"

"I do."

"Oh, is-is that so?" She looked down as if she were disappointed in herself. "I'm, I'm sorry...I didn't know...you had to live under the same roof WITH SOME MONSTERS!" Chris readied herself once more. "Worry not, Gren-san, once me and Aqua-san dispose of these two you can settle into the Eris church; I'll help you find a place."

"Thank you, but that won't be necessary." Chris looked at her in surprise. "Monsters or not, Vanir and Wiz-san have treated me with much kindness. Please, I ask that you set aside what grudge you have against them and their kind—if only for the time that I'm here."

Assailed by the warm sentiments of the two girls, Chris ultimately gave up. "Ugh...fine. I don't like it—I really don't like it, but...for now…"

Part 5

Having settled the issue at hand, the rest of us finished what we originally came for; Yunyun and Gren handed off the boxes of merchandise to Vanir. He inspected the items within while Wiz worked hard to satisfy the two women who were threatening to eliminate them just minutes earlier.

"Hmmm, Moi sees." He nodded. "Yes, thee both have done a great job."

"Hey," I interrupted, "I also got some stuff. What about me?"

"Does the nutty girl wish for Moi's praise as well?"

"Spare me your 'praise' and give me money; I'm not here working for free, unlike someone."

Yunyun grimaced, shooting me a damning glare in the process.

"Ah, such impudence. Very well, here thee go."

He handed me a tiny sack of coins.

"Huh, what's this?"

"Your compensation, silly girl. Unlike these two, what thee has brought back is unequivocal garbage. Moi says, setting aside thee's countless other problems, thee's business sense may be as wayward as the hapless shopkeep."

"G-Garbage?! Alright, let's go, let's take this outside!"

This devil sighed, waving off my invitation to a challenge. "If thee wishes to get more, all thee has to do is provide sufficient assistance to Moi."

I knit my brows angrily, ready to retort, but Yunyun stepped in to interrupt me.

"Megumin, how about you help me and Gren-san sort these things?"

"...fine."

Eventually, time ran away from us; when I finally exited the shop with Yunyun, it was the early evening. Aqua and Chris left earlier on and Gren, of course, stayed. She thanked us for our help today and bid us farewell. Even after working through most of the day, she continued to work diligently; I couldn't help but admire that side of her.

"Yunyun."

"Huh, what is it, Megumin?"

"Are you hungry?"

Yunyun gave it some thought, and then rubbed her stomach. "Now that you mention it…"

"Good, so am I; what do you say we go somewhere."

"Erm, I don't mind, but isn't Irene-san cooking for you guys?"

"Probably. It's fine though; I'll just put it in the reheat box, and eat it tomorrow."

"Reheat box?"

"It's that thing that Kazuma made; I'm sure you've seen it the couple times you've been to the mansion."

"Kazuma-san sure makes a lot of things, doesn't he?"

"Umu." I smiled. "He can be quite bright when you least expect him to."

Yunyun smiled as well. "I'm glad things are working out between you two...more importantly...I'm glad that Megumin's efforts have paid off."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"W-Why are you being quiet all of a sudden?!"

"It's a little odd to be praised by my rival, especially when she says such things so earnestly."

"It, it's not that weird," I heard her mumble.

I shrugged. "It's fine; I'm used to Yunyun being a little weird."

"I-I'm not weird! You're the weird one!"

"Sure, sure. We'll save this conversation for another time; for now, why don't we head over to the guild and have our fill."

Yunyun scowled, and then after a few moments, sighed. "...ok."

-Sometime later; heading back to the mansion…

"Haaaaaaa." I let out a delighted sigh. "Letting off an Explosion with a full stomach is great."

From the place on her back, I felt Yunyun twitch. "On top of making me pay for your food, you never said anything about going off to do an Explosion; why is Megumin like this, why are you always so selfish?!"

"What are you talking about, Yunyun, we always do this."

"That's exactly what I'm saying! Please try to show more consideration in the future."

"Right, right, I'll remember."

"You always say that as well, and then somehow I end up having this same conversation with you."

"Then maybe you should stop."

"Why, WHY DON'T YOU STOP?!"

"Ah, look, we're almost at the mansion."

"You haven't even been listening to a word I said, have you?"

"Huh, what was that; did you say something, Yunyun?"

"..."

As we approached the front door, she stopped and let me off.

"Here, Yunyun." I took off my hat and gave her the plushie of the rookie killer I bought earlier.

"This is...I thought it was yours."

"...do you want it or not?"

"N-No, I'll keep it," She said, holding it to her chest.

"Humph, I've got plenty...and I thought of rewarding you for your help today...thank you."

Yunyun smiled faintly. "T-Thank you. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't accept something from my rival, but since it's a form of compensation for my help, I will."

"Well then, see you later, Yunyun."

"Will Megumin be ok? You seem a little unsteady."

"A mild side effect; I'll be fine, now hurry up and leave. Or is Yunyun planning on proposing to me? Sorry, but I—"

"I-I'll leave!"

With that, Yunyun ran off into the night before using Teleport.

"I'm home," I said weakly. I stumbled over to the couch, and—in the same manner—crashed upon it.

"Ah, Megumin, you're back," Darkness said as she came into the living room.

"Ugh...Darkness...where is everyone?"

"Everyone headed to bed already. I was kind of concerned about you given the time."

"Really? Were...were you the only one?"

"Huh, well…" Darkness looked off to the side.

I stared at the ceiling in a despondent fashion. Noticing this, Darkness quickly went on.

"A-Actually, I asked the others if they wanted to go find you. Aqua said she was tired from fighting off a devil and Kazuma just said you'd be fine."

"...was that supposed to make me feel better?"

Darkness looked away once more. "S, Sorry…umm, did you eat? Irene made something for—"

"I did."

"...I, I see."

The atmosphere grew awkward as both of us remained silent; eventually however, Darkness spoke.

"Say, Megumin…"

"Hmm?"

"Umm, last night...did you...and Kazuma…"

"What exactly did you...hear?"

"..." Darkness' face glowed a vibrant red. "Um, there was...a lot...a lot of…"

Laying there watching her grow embarrassed, I couldn't help but begin to feel the same. "W-Wait, Darkness, I get it, I get it." I averted my gaze, and mumbled, "Umm, we...didn't...do…" I couldn't finish saying it; as I thought about it, the image and feeling were fresh in my mind, preventing me from getting the words out.

"No, tell me," Darkness said, stepping towards me. Although her face was flush red, her expression wasn't one of embarrassment, but frustration. She lunged at me, grasping my weakened arms.

"W-Wait, Darkness, what are you doing? I can't move, I can't fight back properly!"

"I won't let you run away!"

"I can't!"

"Tell me! I'm tired of having to guess what's going on between you two!"

"S-Stop, Darkness!"

In all the noise we were making, the voice of a certain someone startled us.

"Oi, what's going on here?" Kazuma said. "Oh, Megumin's back." Then he stared at us; looking between me and Darkness who was currently pinning me down, our reddened and lightly sweating faces looking back at him. "I see...Lalatina has probably gotten tired of turning down guys; are you seeking companionship with the opposite gender, now?"

"Im-Imbecile! Of course not!" She quickly got off me, and with a frown, pointed at Kazuma. "Since you're both here, you'll tell me!"

"Tell you what?"

"D-Darkness is being a pervert!" I interjected.

"Megumin?!" She cried.

"Darkness being a pervert; how is this anything new?" Kazuma remarked.

"She's"—I looked away shyly—"trying to…" But I still couldn't bring myself to say it.

"Trying to what?" Kazuma asked, seemingly beginning to take interest in the whole situation. "What are you trying to do, Darkness?"

"Both you and Megumin," Darkness began, "w-what were y-you two...d-d-doing?!"

"Doing? When?"

"L-L-L-Last night," Darkness squeaked, her body beginning to tremble with embarrassment.

"Oh. Could it be that Lalatina ojou-sama heard something last night?" Kazuma said mockingly; he brandished a smirk to match. "Pray tell, ojou-sama, what did you hear?"

"I heard…" But Darkness' voice tapered off into an inaudible murmur.

"What was that?" Kazuma said, straining his neck to hear her. "Did you say something, Lalatina ojou-sama? You said you heard something, right? So what'd you hear? Come on, come on, tell me. Go on, tell me, what'd you hear?"

Under Kazuma's constant abuse, Darkness' will crumbled, leaving her trembling with both humiliation and elation; a hallmark state of hers, for sure. Seeing her like this, Kazuma stopped.

"Well, since Megumin's back, I'm going to bed."

"Ka, Kazuma," I said rather timidly.

He glanced over.

"Hm, what's wrong, Megumin?"

"Can you help me to my room? Wait, why are you dressed up; were you going somewhere?"

"Ah, well...I, I uh, was...w-was getting a snack."

"So you put on your adventuring clothes for that?"

He looked away.

"Wait, could it be that you were actually worried about me?" I felt myself smile at the prospect.

Darkness, who was hugging her knees just a moment ago, looked up at him in slight astonishment.

"O-Oi, why are guys looking at me like that?!"

"Mmmmm." I stifled the sense of joy I was feeling; through it, I felt a surge of energy, almost as if I never lost it in the first place.

"Oh, so, you were actually worried about Megumin, then. If that's the case, why didn't you just tell me? I would've gone with you."

"S-Shut up. I was actually worried about the problems she was causing, casting Explosion so late in the evening."

I smirked. "Oh? Is that the reason?"

"Yeah, that's the reason," Kazuma replied, averting my gaze.

"Hmm, then I suppose all those times we went out to cast Explosion on darker nights than this you weren't all that worried, right?"

"...aren't you being awfully cheeky for a brat who can't move?"

"Huh…" Yes, I realized the situation I was in...BUT! "Hehe, y-you think I'm afraid? Those are empty threats!"

"Oh, you think because Darkness is here I won't strip you naked?"

"Huh?!" Darkness shrieked. "D-Don't do such lewd things in front of me; I'm a knight—"

"Shut up, Darkness. You're as much a knight as I am a swordsman. In fact, I think I need to show you both just how serious I am; you seem to have forgotten who you're messing with."

Suddenly, Kazuma grinned and began flexing his hands. For some reason, I could tell his actions weren't merely for show. I couldn't tell you why, but despite having gone through this countless times before, I still felt that slight sense of dread knowing what was coming.

"Wait, Kazuma, not like this!" I pleaded.

"What are you going to do?" Darkness said sort of anxiously.

"MWAHAHA! Witness what happens when you run your mouths. I'm the vanquisher of cheeky Archwizard brats and lusty Crusaders! STEAL! STEAL! STEALLL!

"Y-You jerk!" I yelled, holding my hat over my body.

It was a little odd to think about, but had it just been us two, I wouldn't have really minded the position I was in, but because Darkness was around...well, speaking of Darkness…

"H-How embarrassing," She sobbed, completely huddled over herself.

"Honestly," Kazuma said, looking at the articles of clothing in his hands, "you guys should probably consider wearing more clothes. I just used Steal a few times and you guys are already in such a vulnerable state. Here you go," He said, tossing Darkness' nightgown onto her head.

"Y-You animal," She said through her embarrassment; though the look on her face suggested other feelings.

Kazuma took my robes and did the same, throwing it cleanly onto my hat. He then stared at my lacey black panties, opening them up to get a good look.

"You sure like black, huh, Megumin? Don't worry, I do too."

"G-Give them back, please," I muttered shyly.

"Hmmm." He grinned. "Maybe later." Saying that, he turned around and headed upstairs, leaving us in our humiliating circumstance.

-The following afternoon

As I came back from working at Wiz's shop, Kazuma, who was tinkering away at the reheat box, handed me a letter.

"What's this?" I asked.

"A letter."

"Obviously, I mean who sent it?"

"Says it came from the Crimson Village."

"Did you read it?"

"Of course not," He said offhandedly. "Now go read it in your room; I don't wanna get roped into whatever mess that letter's likely to entail."

"Dear Daughter," I began to read.

"Oi! Didn't you hear what I said, I don't—"

"I hope you are well, as is Kazuma-kun. It's been some time since me and your mother have seen you. I know you are a busy and rich noblewoman now, but it would please us if you could make some time to visit us and your little sister. Everyday she tells us she's proud to have such a cool and powerful older sister; she also says that she would appreciate it if you sent some classy food for her to try. I too wish to try some classy food, as does your mother. I realize such a request is somewhat selfish so...if you could, please send more money so we wouldn't have to trouble you anymore…"

I balled up the paper and threw it in the fireplace.

"Oi, don't you think that's a little harsh?"

I took a seat next to Kazuma and laid on his shoulder.

"You heard the ridiculousness of that letter."

"Umu...you sure you don't wanna send a bit more money to them?"

I sighed. "Haven't I already told you it's pointless? I wouldn't mind sending things they need, but the money would just be wasted; it wouldn't sit well with me to squander your money like that."

Kazuma sighed this time. "You say that, but you have your rare moments too."

I nudged myself into him in protest.

"Hey, I'm working here."

"That's the reheat box, right?"

"Micro—*sigh* right."

"What's wrong with it; is it still burning things?"

"Well, yeah, but yesterday Aqua decided to clean it using water; even though it doesn't use electricity, it didn't really sit well with the parts and now it's practically melting anything we put in it."

"I see. Are you gonna sell the rights to this too once you get it working?"

"Of course."

"...are you really intent on not going on adventures anymore?"

Kazuma sat back, and letting out a tired breath, replied, "It's not like I won't ever go adventuring again; I just don't want that to be necessary for us to make a living, you know? It's dangerous work. Besides, it probably won't be like that for a while; I still have those tasks to complete."

Suddenly, he groaned.

"Stressed?" I asked.

"Umu."

I smiled. "Don't worry, you have me, Aqua, and Darkness to help you through this mess."

"Ugh, I'm not really stressed about the quest; it's more about Iris' gift. I still haven't gotten her anything I'm satisfied with."

Seeing him so distraught over something like that made me sort of mad...but I set the feeling aside for his sake.

"If you're so worried about what to get Iris, we can share my gift."

"Uh, well, I sorta wanna get her something myself."

I sighed. "Then why not personalize it?"

"Huh, what do you mean? What did you get her?"

"Wait here, I'll go get it." Saying that, I ran off to my room and returned with the gift.

"An eyepatch?" He said, staring at it.

I nodded. "Pretty cool, huh?"

Even though it lacked one of the staple colors of the Crimson Demons, it still had black. The other color was a dark blue. Kazuma flipped it in his hands, curiously eyeing it, then he handed it back to me.

"It's not bad, but why does Iris even need an eyepatch? The last thing she needs to do is follow in your chunni footsteps."

I knit my brow in anger. "It sounds like you're making fun of me, again."

"Listen, Iris is a princess...and a pure, adorable girl."

"W-What are you trying to say?! Do you wanna fight?! Let's go, I'll take you on!"

Sliding back some, Kazuma threw up his hands in defense. "See?! This is exactly what I'm talking about; Iris-chan is different from you guys. I cherish the purity and innocence that girl has."

"Why are you saying it like it's something I lack?!"

Kazuma looked away silently.

"YOU ARE SAYING THAT! YOU'RE ACTUALLY SAYING THAT!" I groaned angrily. "And here I was trying to help you!"

"Oi, oi, calm down. I'm just saying you're different from Iris; even you would agree that's something good, right?"

My brow remained scrunched in displeasure. "Even you would agree, huh? Despite trying to cover it up, you continue to insult me, Kazuma; me, your wife." I was still largely upset at him—and my expression showed it—but I began to feel a sadness creep in. "Whatever, do what you want," I said as I rose from the couch.

"H-Hey, come on, Megumin. Don't be like that; you're twisting my words. I only meant that you and Iris have distinctly different personalities, alright?"

I peeked out at him from the corner of my eye. "So that means you don't mind sharing our gift, then?"

Kazuma scratched his head in contemplation, then he sighed, saying, "Sure, I guess."

I returned his disappointing reply with my own sigh. "Why do you have to say it like that? Well, anyways, I suppose it's better than not." I quickly grabbed his hand. "If we're gonna do something, then we'd better get started now; I don't want my gift to be lackluster."

"Hmmm, didn't you say that you thought the eyepatch was cool? I wouldn't be surprised if you originally wanted to keep it."

"T-That's not really important, is it?"

"...*sigh*. So, what is it you have in mind for this?"

I looked at the eyepatch closely. "I want something to make it stand out a bit."

"It's an eyepatch, doesn't it already stand out?"

I frowned. "Not like that, I mean the design."

"It doesn't have one," He replied flatly.

"Precisely!"

Kazuma inspected the item once more. "You know, wouldn't this be better if you had someone like Aqua help you? All other things aside, her art projects always come out amazing."

This man, he didn't get it.

I pouted, and then with a grumble, murmured, "I don't want Aqua's help," and in an even lower tone, said, "I want yours."

"What was that, Megumin?"

"Nothing. I said, Aqua already has her own unique gift."

"Well, that's true, and it's not like you can really depend on Darkness for such things."

Even if Darkness were a good option, I wouldn't have asked her; aside from wanting to do this with Kazuma, me and Darkness were steering clear of one another—well, somewhat—it wasn't like we went out of our way to avoid each other, but the awkwardness surrounding that topic made it difficult for us to look ourselves in the eye.

Kazuma continued. "Well, I guess I can help, then. So, did you have a certain design in mind?"

I opened my mouth to swiftly give him an answer, but he—just as quickly—interrupted.

"You'd better not tell me it's some sort of explosion cloud or something."

I sharply turned from his gaze.

He let out a disappointed breath. "It's a good thing you came to me, then."

"You don't have to say it like explosions are bad designs," I retorted in mild frustration.

"Explosions can be cool, but not for every occasion, especially on a gift for someone so important."

"Somehow that feels out of place coming from you."

"I take offense to that. I may not care much for the classes of wealth, but I do care about Iris-chan. That being said, giving her an eyepatch as a gift is already questionable enough, having an explosion scribbled on it would probably get the people close to her to wonder what's going on with her; I don't wanna cause her any issues."

He had the nerve to say something like that; if anyone was likely causing trouble for Iris, it was him.

"Fine then. I assume you have an idea?"

"Well...not exactly." Kazuma rubbed his chin in thought.

With the silence between us, I also began to ponder on an "appropriate" design; what could serve as a good symbol for Iris?

"Megumin-sama."

I looked up. "Irene? Yes, what's wrong?"

She shook her head. "Nothing, I hope. I came to tell you that your lunch is ready."

"Ah, thank you, Irene. To be honest, I was kinda hungry, so I appreciate it. I'll go in just a moment."

She nodded, and then stared at Kazuma with her stoic demeanor.

"Oi, do you mind? That stare you do is really distracting."

"...apologies, Satou-sama; I was merely curious as to what you were doing."

"Thinking."

"Really? I see, Satou-sama is capable of thought; I'll keep that in mind."

"..."

"Perhaps I can be of some assistance."

"No."

I interrupted. "Sure. Me and Kazuma have been trying to figure out what to put on this eyepatch as a design. It's a gift for Princess Iris."

Irene stared at the eyepatch, and then glanced at me. "Megumin-sama wishes to give this to the Princess?"

I nodded.

She stared at the eyepatch yet again, and after a few moments, spoke. "A dragon motif would probably be suitable. Princess Iris has slain a dragon, has she not? Inscribing such an achievement upon a personal gift would probably be highly appreciated, no?"

Kazuma and I were happily surprised with her suggestion; we silently agreed.

"An amazing idea, Irene, thank you."

She bowed. "My pleasure, Megumin-sama."